AN: Chapter's up! Woo! Anyway, this one's a lot less about the comedy, a lot more about development, so expect less crazy.

It was unfortunate, but apparently five minutes was not all Kyokai had needed.

Despite the impressive — the Jonin had to reluctantly admit — plan for educating the next generation of shinobi for Konoha, Kakashi had flat out refused the offer, sticking to his guns and confident that he was more than competent enough to teach the future generation.

His amazing fail rate of 100% of his previous Genin teams notwithstanding.

While the three Uzumaki ninja had politely excused themselves after having assured the three Jonin that there were no hard feelings, it was clear to Asuma and Kurenai, at least, that they were a bit more than a little disappointed.

"Was that really the wisest thing to do?" Kurenai asked worriedly. "It was a good plan, Kakashi..."

Asuma said nothing, content with puffing away at his cigarette and letting his colleagues duke this one out.

Kakashi, for his part, frowned at the newbie Jonin. "I admit, they had some solid points, but the matter remains the same — they're our responsibility, and thus it is our job to come up with a functional training program," he pointed out.

"There's no shame in branching out, Kakashi; the Uzumaki did manage to hide underneath everyone's noses for over ten years. That takes a considerable amount of skill, which I'm sure the Genin could profit from interacting with."

"At the cost of clear hierarchies, though," Kakashi pointed out. "Under the old system, the Genin reported to their Jonin — end of line. With this new system, that hierarchy is already a little skewed by making all Genin report to all Jonin trainers. If we add the Uzumaki to the mix, it would mean making the Genin report to both Jonin and Uzumaki trainers, thereby endangering the authority of all trainers involved."

"Surely we'd train them to follow orders in the field, no?" Kurenai protested with a frown. "I mean, it sounds like you're assuming they'd play their trainers off each other, as though we were their parents and they were trying to weasel favours out of us."

"Aren't we, in a sense?" Kakashi rebutted. "We look after them in training, we look after them in the field, and we basically train them for future hardships in life; face it, Kurenai, we're basically their moms and dads while they're Genin. And if we accede to Uzumaki interference, it'll mean they could possibly go to them whenever we don't want them to learn something for their own good."

"You should have more faith in your pupils, Kakashi," Kurenai chided him. "Surely they're mature enough to—"

"They're twelve to thirteen year old, Kurenai," Kakashi reminded her pointedly. "In maybe a year or two, they'll hit puberty, and that's a whole 'nother can of worms waiting to get opened. I don't have to have any faith in them whatsoever at this stage. After training them for a while? Sure; they can go talk to whomever they want. But right now? They're easily influenced and likely to let their emotions dictate their actions."

Kurenai frowned but backed down, ceding the point to her colleague. "Still, it's such a waste; the Uzumaki clearly have a lot of talents to offer..."

Kakashi snorted. "I wouldn't worry about that," he assured her as he finished his drink with such speed that neither of his colleagues managed to glimpse his uncovered face. "If they're anything like Naruto, they'll train everything they want to disperse to him, and he'll try to teach the others."

Asuma chuckled, his cigarette wiggling with the movement. "Aye, that's my bet," he admitted as he crossed his arms and leaned back into his seat, glad the tough part was over with. "That boy's got no sense of secrets. Anything he knows, he'll likely share to anyone who's a friend. It's admirable, but if he's not careful it'll get him killed."

"One more thing to train him in, then," Kurenai said with a small smile; it still stung to have lost the earlier debate, but she was a big enough girl to get over it.

"Which, of course, brings us back to our original problem," Kakashi noted with a single-eyed smile. "How?"

Both of his colleagues groaned.

The next day...

"I see, how troubling," Keisuke mumbled as Kyokai finished his report, cupping his chin with one hand. "We'd expected some resistance to our presence, but not this fiercely from the Jonin."

"Well, to be fair it was like...the one Jonin," Kyokai mentioned as he downed another cup of sake. "The one with the awesome knockers was pretty convinced, and the Hokage's son seemed pretty ambivalent."

"Still, Kakashi's pretty hot stuff amongst the Jonin ranks," Wakaba put in as he, too, partook another glass of wine and then bit down on his cigar. "Most of the local guys at the S&I Division all rave about how awesome he is. His refusal will probably cause a few other resistors to dig in their heels even more."

Keisuke sighed, idly tilting his head left just in time to avoid a flying bottle, courtesy of a small brawl at a nearby table in the Clan's newly inaugurated bar. It was somewhat telling of the Clan's dipsophilic vices that this was the third building (behind the Memorial Temple and the Dining/Clan Hall) to have been inaugurated.

"Like I said, troubling," he continued, tucking his hands inside the folds of the opposing sleeve. "I guess it was sort of a pipe dream to think that everyone would welcome us with open arms..."

Another tilt of his head allowed him to dodge a broken-off piece of some table, though it did manage to nail the person behind him. Ignoring the curse behind him, Keisuke scratched his cheek a little anxiously. "Heiyako won't be pleased, that's for sure."

"At least we can still train Naruto, right?" Kyokai pointed out with an easygoing grin. "So what if the other brats aren't up to scratch? Just means more limelight for the Uzumaki!" he laughed.

"The last time we had such limelight, we were nearly exterminated, Kyokai," Keisuke reminded both of them soberly, quickly managing to shut them up.

"Ah, right...sorry, Keisuke-choro," Kyokai apologized nervously. "Damn mouth always outrunning the brain and all..."

"Moron," Wakaba smirked as he bopped his old friend on the head.

Of course, this just served to piss Kyokai off, the infamously genetic Uzumaki temper flaring up in seconds. Grabbing him by the scruff of his shirt, Kyokai drew Wakaba close. "You want a piece of me, jackass?!"

Wakaba was all too happy to throw down, naturally. "Bring it on, old man!"

Within seconds, punches were flying and both men were drawn into the neighbouring brawl, leaving Keisuke alone at the table as he observed his surroundings descend into pure mayhem.

Casually picking up his cup, he masterfully avoided having it broken by means of a flying bottle. Tipping his head backwards as he drank it down, he managed to avoid a chair. Then, by leaning forward to sigh in satisfaction at the excellent quality of the wine, he somehow managed to dodge Kyokai's flying, unconscious body.

"Enjoying yourself, Choro-sama?" a familiarly feminine and cheerful voice asked him. Keisuke's melancholy evaporated as he looked up with a grin at Akemi's magnificent bust, or rather her clothed bust (but hey, a pervert's a pervert).

"Ah, Akemi-chan!" he greeted, not even bothering to hide his perversion-induced blush. "How was your day?"

"As you can see, quite hectic, Choro-sama, but thank you for asking," she said with a sweet smile that belied her other, far more lethal persona as one of the Clan's S-Ranked shinobi (by her clan's ranking system, anyway; Konoha's ranking system notwithstanding). Never having really been the front-line type of fighter, Akemi had naturally taken over as manager of the Clan's bar, where her far more useful skills as a capable administrator and drawing card would come in handy.

"And Daisuke? How is your brother adjusting to this new village?" he asked kindly, tilting to the left to avoid a plate.

"MORONS! Rather than fight like little kids in the middle of the day, FIGHT WITH YOUR FISTS LIKE MEN!"

Keisuke sweatdropped at the declaration, but Akemi seemed entirely at ease with her brother embarrassing himself. "As you can see, he seems to have adjusted quite well, Choro-sama, thank you for asking."

"Daisuke-nii! Please don't destroy nee-chan's bar!" Miyuki was calling out to her brother from behind the bar. Needless to say, all three siblings had essentially taken over ownership and management of the bar — with Keisuke and Heiyako's permission, of course.

"Such a rowdy crowd," Keisuke noted while sweatdropping, his cup safely within his grasp as his table was reduced to splinters by Daisuke's massive frame being dropped on it.

"But isn't this fun?" Akemi asked with a cheerful smile, tilting her head slightly to avoid getting beaned with a bottle.

Keisuke had to give her that. Compared to how they'd been "living" before coming to Konoha, this was such an uplift to his soul he couldn't even begin to describe it. Before, everyone was just going through the motions, using these silly bar fights to keep morale up and remain close. Now, though, they didn't have that fear of being discovered hovering over their heads. These fights weren't out of desperation anymore so much as to just have fun and let loose.

Hard to believe it'd all begun with a clansman breaking the rules, or that it'd lead to finding the last potential Clan Head alive.

Gazing into his half-empty cup, Keisuke gave a small smile to his own, miniature reflection, not for the first time glad that things had turned out this way for his children — for he saw every clansman as his own child. They'd suffered enough, and it was high time to let them have their fun.

Then again...

He gulped down his drink and threw the empty cup down, smashing it to pieces — not that Akemi cared; there were enough craftsmen in the Uzumaki clan to fix everything up right as rain — and jumping down his seat, already releasing many of the seals tattooed with invisible ink all over his body.

"Alright, you lunkheads! Settle down or you're all getting a thrashing!" he roared as he charged into the brawl, leaving Akemi to smiled in exasperation and sigh as she watched her once-pristine bar get torn apart like a wet cloth. And it wasn't even midday!

Just a normal day for the Uzumaki.

One day later...

Admittedly, it was quite hard for Kakashi and his colleagues to formulate an adequate training regimen, especially since they found themselves having to plan for three times the students they'd expected.

Still, they weren't Jonin just because the Hokage had been bored one day and decided to promote them — whatever anyone else's feelings about them were, all three were legitimately good at what they did and were greatly trained to adapt to changing, unexpected circumstances.

They just weren't all that great at teaching.

Despite this obvious handicap, however, Kakashi did manage to string together a decent start-up plan. First things first, they had to determine exactly where each Genin stood in terms of skills and conditioning.

To that end, the first three days were endurance tests, whereby Kakashi and Asuma had a blast of a time throwing never-ending kunai at their students, who were under strict orders to dodge every single one; a single hit meaning automatic failure.

Unfortunately, these results — taken down by Kurenai as she observed the Genin desperately try to ward off failure as long as possible — did not please the Jonin kunoichi. At the very bottom were all three girls, none of whom lasted more than a few hours of constant dodging — Hinata being the only one to manage going two hours before getting hit, which Kurenai ascribed to the harsh training regimens of the Hyuuga clan. Ino and Sakura, however, were abysmal in their endurance conditioning, and it painfully showed with their 1.75 hour and 1.5 hour marks, respectively.

Okay, so admittedly they were still pretty young, but for a proud woman like Kurenai, having the females in the Genin lag behind was unacceptable. Besides, she was sure Anko had performed much better in her own youth.

"HA! Getting tired already, asshole?! Give up, it's no big deal!"

"I'm sorry, I can't speak MORON!"

Of course, it probably skewed expectations to compare the girls to the pair of Genin who were still making Kakashi and Asuma throw blunted kunai their way.

Ignoring their half-dead teammates, who were all effectively done for the day, Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto were the only two Genin still going strong, despite the amazing amount of sweat both boys were drenched in.

Apparently, once both had realized the other wasn't about to quit an hour into the test — thereby giving them victory by default — they'd begun competing even harder, dodging Kakashi and Asuma's (half-hearted) throwing tirelessly.

That was two hours ago.

"Alright, alright, that's enough," she announced as she raised her arm, prompting Kakashi and Asuma to stop throwing kunai at the two teens. Both Jonin gave her a grateful look — even if their throws weren't exactly up to par with their actual skill, throwing stuff for three hours was pretty damn draining. "Final score is a tie between Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke," she announced. "Well done, you two."

"Ha!" Naruto exclaimed, only showing signs of tiredness via his slightly-more-than-shallow breathing. "That was nothing!" he boasted as he smacked a fist into an open palm. "Uzumakis won't go down that easy!"

Sasuke, also showing mild signs of tiredness (not that he'd show them overtly either), merely smirked confidently. "Child's play," he assured the Jonin.

Kurenai rolled her eyes at both. What were they boasting about? This was simply a mild endurance test — if Kakashi and Asuma had been of a mind to do so, they'd have run the two into the ground in less than fifteen minutes.

"Quite," she acknowledged vaguely before eyeing the rest of the Genin. As expected, most of them were still on the ground, trying to get air back into their lungs. Kiba, the runner-up, was the most okay of the group, though both he and Akamaru were panting, the white puppy's fur slicked with his partner's sweat.

Following up were Shino, then surprisingly Choji, then Hinata, Ino, Sakura, and unsurprisingly last, Shikamaru, who'd all but given up within five minutes, having declared doing any more too troublesome.

While she was willing to take his words as a cover-up for his lack of stamina, the glint in Asuma's eye told her that perhaps the boy was being deliberately misleading.

Telling the Genin to relax while they conferred, the Jonin casually made their way out of hearing range (even Kiba and Naruto's preternaturally enhanced hearing), eyeing the Genin every once in a while to make sure they were still breathing.

"It's as we suspected; the Uchiha and Uzumaki kids are the most fit of the group," Asuma noted as he lit up a cigarette. "Their dynamic sucks, but they're the most capable in terms of stamina."

"That rivalry of theirs could be useful," Kakashi pointed out. "If we played them off each other, it could strengthen both of them."

"And possibly cause a team breakdown," Kurenai was quick to note, frowning at Kakashi. Unlike the cyclopedean Jonin, she wasn't quite ready to sacrifice team unity for the sake of individual growth. "We don't need two alphas in one team. If they have to compete, keep it out of official missions."

"Agreed," Asuma concurred, blowing out smoke.

Kakashi frowned, then sighed in defeat. "Alright; we'll have to keep their rivalry under close scrutiny to make sure it doesn't bleed into missions," he told his colleagues. "Other than those two, thoughts? Observations?"

"The girls are obviously less fit than the boys, with perhaps the exception of Shikamaru," Asuma pointed out. "Though I think he's deliberately setting himself up to fail to avoid doing more work."

"What makes you say that?" Kurenai asked, finally voicing her own doubts about the Nara heir. "He barely dodged any before you tagged him!"

"Exactly, but those few he did dodge were too skillful," Kakashi explained. "He always waited for the last second before moving, economizing his movements. He might not have been flashy like Sasuke and Naruto, but I can assure you, that kid's got skill."

"Which leaves us the problem of the girls," Asuma digressed, frowning. "The Hyūga girl's got pretty decent reflexes, but that hesitation of hers is going to cost her. Yamanaka and Haruno are just...well..."

"Aye," Kurenai agreed with a sigh, though she was privately glad that Hinata had gotten a good (well, fair) observation from Asuma, who'd been at this far longer than she had. "They have a lot of work to do to catch up to the rest."

"Wishing we'd taken up the Uzumaki on their offer?" she then asked Kakashi, who frowned.

"No; it's a lot of work, but I think we can handle it. I say we run them through the usual endurance exercises, see where that goes. Throw in a few combat simulations to round them out with combat practice, and we should be good at least low C-ranks in two months or so."

His companions didn't seem as sure, given what they'd just seen from the Genin, but nodded in agreement.

One week later...

"OH SHIT!"

KABOOM

While Kakashi may have been right about the steady rate of progress the Genin would go through following his plan, it wasn't nearly as fast as other concerned parties would have wanted.

Namely, the Uzumaki.

"That was close, shrimp! Too close! React faster!" Takeshi called out to his pseudo-apprentice as he readied to unleash another jutsu on the poor future Clan Head.

"DAMNIT!" Naruto roared as he threw himself to the side, Takeshi's attack gouging out a decent chunk of earth with all the delicateness of a plow shot at the speed of sound. "Are you trying to kill me?!"

"Yes," Takeshi answered deadpan before taking a deep breath, looking away from Naruto. "Uzumaki Jutsu no Ougi!"

A chill went down Naruto's spine at that moment. He hadn't ever seen this particular move used before, but it was infamous amongst the Clan. "Oh crap."

"Tetsuryu no Ho—!" he snapped back forward, his cheeks bloated, and was about to fire off his technique when he was suddenly kicked aside in the head. As a result, the chakra destabilized and a miniature explosion engulfed him. "GAH!"

"What the hell gives, Hikari?!" Takeshi roared as he managed to shake off the mild concussion he'd received and got to his feet.

"Moron," Hikari clicked her tongue in annoyance, with zero regard to the damage she'd inadvertently inflicted unto him. "Don't use that kind of move on the Clan Head; he's too young to dodge it."

"He'll need to learn someday," Takeshi growled. "Might as well be now!"

Hikari merely bopped Takeshi on the head. "You, shush," she ordered. "Teach him what Keisuke-choro said."

Takeshi growled, but nodded in defeat. "Fine," he grumbled as he went up to Naruto and towered over him. "Listen up, brat; the old man's not happy with your progress; says it's too slow."

Naruto glared up at Takeshi at the brat comment. "That's Kakashi's fault, not mine!"

"It's both of yours!" Takeshi snapped back, causing Naruto flinch. "If you really want to be strong, you don't need no meddling Jonin to tell you how to practice. You find someone else who's strong and ask them for help!" he chided the boy. "So tell me, brat — do you want to be strong?" he demanded.

Naruto stared up defiantly at Takeshi. "Of course I do!" he said.

"Prove it," Takeshi challenged with a non-too-friendly grin. "Uzumaki Hakkeshoken stance. Now," he punctuated his order with an open palmed blow to Naruto's chest, launching the boy back a ways away. "Starting on the wrong foot there, brat."

"You...cheated!" Naruto complained in between coughs as he desperately tried to refill his lungs with air.

Takeshi grinned. "Get used to it, brat," he answered without a care in the world. "Ain't no ready-set-go in real life, won't be any in my training. Get up and try again."

Naruto shakily got to his feet, the pain of Takeshi's strike still quite crippling (despite the fact that the man hadn't used an ounce of chakra in it), and managed to dodge just in time before Takeshi rammed another palm where he used to be a second ago.

"Not falling for that one again!" Naruto yelled defiantly.

Takeshi, however, merely turned and smiled evilly. "Oh?" he asked before disappearing from view.

Naruto had just enough time to have his eyes bulge before a familiar, growling voice spoke up from behind him. "Then what about this one?" he was asked, a split second before another palm strike, this time to his back, rammed him into the ground.

Naruto groaned as he felt himself taste dirt yet again. What was wrong with Takeshi? Didn't he know how to hold back? The way he was beating him to the ground, you'd think the man had a grudge against him!

"Get up, brat, we're not done yet," the object of his immediate resentment spoke up. A good part of him wanted to tell the young man to screw off, but Naruto's competitive personality refused to submit to anyone. Shakily getting back to his feet, Naruto got ready to dodge again, but soon found that no attack was incoming.

Instead, Takeshi was just standing before him, arms crossed and expression disappointed. "Do you know why you just lost big time?" he asked roughly.

"Because you're an ass?" Naruto snarked, only to get smacked upside the head for his troubles.

"Watch it, brat," Takeshi warned. "It's simple; you keep dodging."

"Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?" Naruto asked, getting a little confused."

"Did I say, at any point, 'dodge'?" Takeshi asked. "No. I said: Uzumaki Hakkeshoken stance."

"But you keep hitting me before I can!" Naruto protested.

"So what?!" Takeshi snapped back, taking Naruto aback. "Did you ever pull back? Try to buy some time to get into the proper stance? Did you ever attempt a counter-attack?" Takeshi lectured. "No! You just jumped around, trying to dodge the attack of an opponent! Was that what I taught you when we first met?!"

Naruto was quiet as he listened to Takeshi's chiding. He hated to admit it, but the older clansman was right. All he'd done was run away from the boy's attack, without trying to strike back.

Takeshi raised one finger. "One hit. That's all it took to break your focus," he told Naruto. "That's pathetic. Unacceptable for a Clan Head, much less an Uzumaki, and even less for any student of mine. You want to stand tall and be one of us properly? Train. Train, train, train, train, train," he told Naruto. "If that Jonin doesn't give you what you need, you look for others who can, but you never stop training."

Takeshi took a small breath and then glared down at his student. "Understood?"

Naruto was quiet for a moment before looking up, confidence brimming from those cerulean eyes. "Yeah. Got it."

"So you want to train some more, or call it quits?" Takeshi asked. "Bear in mind, I will never go easy on you."

Naruto grinned. "Isn't it obvious?" he asked. "I'll pick option one!"

Takeshi grinned evilly. "Good," he praised before sliding into the Hakkeshoken stance. "Then get into the stance; I'll beat out those flaws of yours if I have to break every bone in your body to do it!"

This time, Naruto slid into the stance before Takeshi threw a hit, managing just barely to block it and launching his own counterstrike. The boy grinned. "Bring it on, metalhead!"

Watching from the sidelines, Hikari smiled as she watched the two shinobi duke it out. Takeshi was every bit as heartless as he'd promised to be, frequently slamming attacks into his apprentice that would have broken the resolve of most kids his age, but to Naruto's credit, he just got back up and corrected whatever flaw had allowed such a hit before resuming the spar.

"How's Tōshu-sama doing?"

Hikari was snapped out of her musings by the familiar voice of Kimiko, who'd taken it upon herself (or rather, was ordered by Keisuke after she nearly drove the Clan into the ground by making them work on the compound round the clock) to watch over the youngling. Still, she'd noticed a few clansmen shirking their duties and had asked Hikari to keep an eye on Naruto while she went and "fixed" their attitude.

"As well as can be expected, considering Takeshi's the one training him." Hikari answered with a smile to the older girl. Like most of the Uzumaki girls younger than Kimiko, Hikari looked up to the young woman as a shinobi. She was widely considered the most powerful woman in the clan, and was sometimes judged at about the same level as Raiden, though both fell behind Keisuke and Hiroki.

The redhaired girl nodded, looking at Takeshi's brutal lesson stoically. "Hmm..." she agreed. "Tōshu-sama will improve quickly under Takeshi's guidance."

"Better him than Natsu, anyway," Hikari agreed, shuddering at the thought. While Natsu was personally a great friend and comrade to have in a fight, the idea of him teaching anyone was beyond laughable. To begin with, Natsu's combat style was almost purely instinctual, meaning there were no mechanics for him to teach anyone, and his jutsus were all specifically designed for his sole use, meaning it would be pointless for him to try to pass them on.

Takeshi, on the other hand, fought using specific fighting styles, honed by years of training and mastery. Combined with his unique jutsu techniques, they made him a true powerhouse on the battlefield.

Both failed to react when Takeshi delivered a downward kick at Naruto, who failed to dodge it in time and so got faceplanted into the ground for his mistake. While they couldn't hear what Takeshi subsequently yelled at the boy, it was rather easy to deduce.

"He was half a second late," Kimiko noted. While she was in charge of Naruto's protection, she knew he was in little danger of getting seriously maimed by Takeshi. Like most of the Clan, Takeshi felt very happy at the fact that they were no long in hiding, and wouldn't do something as stupid as seriously hurting the Clan Head. "His reflexes are good, but not great."

"Konoha Genin seem to be like that in general, though," Hikari allowed. "I had Okami keep watch on the initial training session they had with the Jonin; she wasn't impressed. Even then, though, Naruto...sama," she quickly added in the honorific, remembering that Kimiko frowned on those who forgot to show due respect. "managed to tie with the Rookie of the Year. So I guess that initial training we gave him didn't all go to waste."

"And yet it is not enough for him to tie," Kimiko opined, frowning at the future Clan Head's struggling form as he fought Takeshi. "He is our Clan Head, we must raise him to surpass his enemies, not merely match them."

Hikari smiled nervously, knowing that Kimiko's pride as an Uzumaki was practically unrivalled. Like her and Natsu, Kimiko's parents were long since dead, but unlike them, she'd clung onto the idea of the Clan rather than on her own strength. In a sense, she'd never moved on from the loss of her parents, and so armored her heart by protecting an image she had of the Clan.

"What of the comrades he surrounds himself with?" Kimiko asked then. "Are they adequate for Naruto-sama?"

Hikari scratched her cheek anxiously. "Eh...well...I wonder about that," she stalled. "R-Really...if you're not happy with Naruto-sama, I don't think the others would rate that well."

Hikari flinched as she heard the unmistakable sound of Kimiko's armored gauntlets curling into a fist. "That's unacceptable," the redhead muttered. "When's their next training session with the Jonin?"

"T-Tomorrow," Hikari supplied nervously. The last thing they needed was for Kimiko to end up causing trouble right now, especially since her abilities tended to exact overwhelming collateral damage. "B-But, Kimiko-san...Keisuke and Heiyako-choro don't want us interfering..."

"Rest assured, I will merely be observing," Kimiko told her younger cousin, though the glare on her face didn't lessen.

Somehow, Hikari doubted that. She doubted that very much.

The next evening...

"This is unacceptable, Choro-sama!" Kimiko was protesting loudly in the dinner hall, slamming her palm down onto the tatami mats, causing them to bend as the force of the impact drove her hand almost into the wooden structure itself.

Predictably, nearly all conversation came to a screeching halt as everyone's attention turned to the normally taciturn and serious-minded disciplinarian of the clan. While no one felt brave enough to ask what was going on out loud, that didn't stop the whispers to start up.

Before her, Keisuke was shaking his head in disappointment, while Heiyako stared her down sternly. At their side, by their invitation at the start of dinner, was Naruto, who'd stumbled out of seiza and onto his butt by the force of Kimiko's angry palm strike.

"This is not the time for this discussion, Kimiko," Heiyako told her sternly. "We are in the middle of dining; this audience can wait until tomorrow."

"With respect, Heiyako-sama, it cannot!" Kimiko protested. "These Jonin the Hokage has assigned to the Tōshu Koho's group are sorry excuses for teachers! We should not allow them to sabotage his education any further than they are!"

"Don't you mean, their education?" Keisuke corrected her calmly, though he, too, was now staring her down sternly. "Humble those emotions, Kimiko, before they consume you and lose you your argument."

"Aww, why not let her vent, gramps?" Raiden teased mockingly from directly across the room. "She's obviously all fired up about this!"

"Raiden..." Keisuke started in a warning tone.

"What? Ain't that what you always tell us? Don't keep things buried deep? Let it all out?" Raiden asked with a savage smile. "When's the last time any of us have seen Kimiko-chan so passionate about something? I say let her have her say!"

Unfortunately for Keisuke and Heiyako, it seemed that much of the hall's occupants were thinking the same. Still, Keisuke and Heiyako knew better than to let them have their way. If whatever had Kimiko this riled up spread (and they had a fair enough idea of what it was), their fellow clansmen could start a feud with the allegedly offending parties.

"Enough," Keisuke stated firmly, flaring out some of his ki to bring everyone back into line. Predictably, the clansmen froze up — including Naruto, who looked about to keel over. "Did you think the weight of many would force us to concede, Kimiko?" he asked the girl with disappointment. "I thought you more mature than this. Please return to your seat; we shall speak of this later."

Naruto watched, a little uncertain, as Kimiko reluctantly got to her feet and shuffled away to her seat near the door to the hall. Silence once again descended on the hall as everyone went back to their meal, but the tension remained as the only sounds heard were the clicking of chopsticks.

For his part, Naruto felt a little disconcerted. This was the first time he'd seen his family break their normally festive attitudes and nearly descend into what looked like a heated fight. Not the fights he was used to seeing since they'd arrived, which were all more about having a good time, but an actual, emotionally charged fight.

Dinner, as a consequence, was a rather somber and quiet affair for once as people hesitated to get too rowdy for fear of infringing on what little patience the Elders had remaining. Sure, there was a Tōshu Koho now, and technically his opinion was the one that really mattered, but with Keisuke and Heiyako effectively his regents until he became Clan Head, and the fact that they were all raised to respect both Elders with utmost respect, no one had the guts to act out tonight — not even Natsu or Takeshi.

Worried about his clansman, even though he barely knew her, Naruto made towards Kimiko towards the end of dinner, but was quickly stopped by Takeshi, who put a restraining grip on his shoulder and shook his head.

"Leave her be; she's still pretty pissed," he noted as said enraged clanswoman stalked out of the door, her expression obviously quite angry.

"But..." Naruto wanted to protest, quite vocally, but was quickly silenced by Takeshi's grip tightening quite painfully.

"Trust me, you're better off not getting involved right now," the pierced teen advised his student.

Naruto was just about done with his patience, but nevertheless managed to keep it under wraps in the face of Takeshi's expression, which didn't seem pleased either. "...Fine," he conceded before looking towards the exit, where Kimiko had disappeared. "...you know, the Jonin aren't that bad...I mean..."

"They're bad," Takeshi corrected him before smacking his shoulder and moving past him towards the exit. "Anyway, same time tomorrow, brat. Don't be late," he called out in farewell as he, too, left the dining hall for where he'd pitched his tent.

Soon enough, everyone — even Keisuke and Heiyako — began leaving the hall, all of them sombre and thoughtful regarding the events during dinner. It was telling that nearly all of the alcohol provided for dinner remained; a worrying fact for the usually dipsophiliac Clan.

Leaving as well before he was left all alone in the hall, Naruto didn't take more than a few steps out towards the grounds when he noticed Hikari leaning against the dining hall's wall, apparently waiting for him. Motioning towards him to follow her, the redheaded, pigtailed girl led the young Clan Head candidate towards the training field where Takeshi had beaten him to a pulp earlier that day.

"Hikari-nee, why are we here?" he complained. "It's wayyyy too late for training!"

Hikari ignored him, preferring instead to look up to the sky, where the stars shone like a wonderful glittering sea. Then, without warning, she collapsed to the ground on her back, startling Naruto.

"Hikari-nee!" he cried out.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," she called out to him before he could bullrush towards her. "I just like to see the sky lying on my back," she told him.

"Eh?" Naruto wasn't one for such things. In hindsight, that might've been due to the fact that he was usually so concerned with getting as much attention as possible from others that he never paid attention to the finer things in life.

"You should try it," Hikari told him before patting the grass above her head. "Here, come on!"

Naruto stared at his strange cousin for a while before shrugging and slowly lying down on the grass as well, his hair only just touching hers. "...I don't get it," he told her bluntly after staring up at the sky for about thirty seconds.

Hikari smirked. "Don't think about it. Just look, shut up, and appreciate it."

Sighing, Naruto looked up at the starry night sky. What was so special about it? It was just stars and the moon!

"You know, we haven't always been able to look at this kind of sky," Hikari told him suddenly, her tone softer than he could remember it ever being.

"What'd ya mean?" Naruto asked, confused.

"Sometimes, we had to live in caves, or underground," Hikari recalled. "I was born in a cave. We were running again because one of our clansmen blew his cover on a mission near Iwa," she reminisced. "So we hid in these caves in the mountains near Kumo. There were so many we were able to hide out for two years — long enough for Iwa to give up entirely after Kumo began accusing them of spying."

Naruto frowned. "That's not right," he stated bluntly. "Why were you guys afraid of some Iwa assholes?" he asked. "Couldn't you just use your skills to take them out?"

"We were fewer then," Hikari reminded him. "My generation brought up the numbers recently, but back in the day, we were...maybe just sixty, seventy in the cell," she recalled. "We were all so scared, Naru-chan," she said with a sad smile. "I can't even begin to count the number of times everyone thought we were done for, every time we had a near miss. My dad died before I was born, and my mom died in childbirth, so I never had them to console me..."

"Hikari-nee..." Naruto started, only to be cut off again by Hikari.

"But Kimiko...she had it worse than anyone," she continued quickly. "She knew her parents. She lived with them till she was four. I can't really remember them, I was so young, but I do somewhat remember Kimiko back then..." she told him, smiling nostalgically. "She was so bright...so happy. She was everyone's friend. She held Natsu and Takeshi in line even back then whenever they got too out of hand."

"...what happened?" Naruto asked, his gut telling him he already knew.

"They died," she confirmed for him. "More accurately, they were murdered right before her eyes. All three had gone in undercover for a mission, but the target had hired a few veterans of the Uzushio campaign," Hikari informed him. "They recognized Kimiko's parents, despite their attempts at concealment, and lured them into a trap. They were killed on the spot and kidnapped Kimiko. Two days later, the old man and ten clansmen tracked them down and rescued Kimiko, but not before she was tortured for information."

She smiled as she heard Naruto growling. "Are you angry?" she asked.

A thump told her he'd smacked the ground. "You're damn right I am!" Naruto swore. "Who the hell tortures a kid?!"

"Our enemies do," Hikari informed him calmly. "Anyway, she came back in a pretty bad shape," she recalled. "Our healers took a few days just trying to stabilize her; we almost lost her a few times, too, it was so bad."

"But she's fine now, right?" Naruto asked as he rolled over onto his stomach and looked at Hikari's face. The girl's expression went blank.

"Physically, maybe," she conceded. "But she's still hurting emotionally, Naru-chan. She went through so much pain, had to watch her parents die...it stays with you, and the rage isn't helped by all the hiding and scurrying we had to do to stay alive," she explained. "She's angry at the world, Naruto. Not just Iwa, or Kumo, or any particular ninja; she's drowning in her own grief, so she protects the idea of the clan above all else as a way of holding onto something worthwhile in life."

Naruto blinked. "I don't get it."

Hikari sighed and gave him a tired smile. "She loves the Clan, Naruto, but not anyone in it. The idea of the Clan is much more powerful in her than that of the well-being of any single person within it. She's so afraid to trust anymore that she's shielded her heart from everyone behind those armors she wears," she explained, pleased when Naruto slowly nodded in understanding. "So she protects our image, our clansmen — but not because she cares for us individually, but because it protects the clan."

"And no one's tried to help Kimiko-nee?" Naruto asked, confused.

Hikari gave a chuckle devoid of mirth. "Oh, we've tried. But she's barred herself from getting attached to anyone. It's practically a hopeless cause."

Somehow, those words inflamed something in Naruto's soul. What hopeless? Hadn't he been called hopeless tons of times before, and now lived amongst what was once one of the most powerful clans in history? Hadn't he been called hopeless in school, and now graduated at a decent rank — one of the first of the Konoha shinobi to undergo the Genin Pool training program?

"I'll do it," he declared as he pushed himself off the grass.

Hikari almost smiled. "Do what, brat?" she asked in her usual reticent tone, although devoid of any sting.

"I'll reach Kimiko!" he stated firmly as he stared down at his cousin. "I'll bring her back to the Clan! Believe it!" he swore as he extended a fist towards Hikari in a show of confidence.

Hikari could almost laugh at how easy it'd been to pull this off. Instead, however, she gave him a dubious look. "Right. You'll succeed where others failed," she mocked. "I'll believe it when I see it."

"Wanna bet?" Naruto asked with a challenging grin.

Hikari raised an eyebrow. "Sure," she agreed before pointing up at him. "If you fail, you'll be my slave until you're fifteen."

Naruto swallowed. Hikari was a taskmaster if there ever was any. "And if I win?" he asked, trying to sound confident.

Hikari smiled. "If you win, I'll swear allegiance to you as rightful Clan Head right there and then." It was an amazing deal, to be honest. As he stood, Naruto was warmly welcomed into the Clan as one of their own, but he still had approximately zero standing as a future Clan Head. He hadn't done anything to warrant such standing, however, and so having Hikari — one of the prominent shinobi and distinguished summoners of the up-and-coming generation swear allegiance to him would be a substantial boost to him.

Not that Naruto knew any of that, of course. Instead, the blonde just grinned. That sounded awesome!

"You're on!"

Post-AN: And there we go. I know everyone's (well, apparently most of you) enjoying the antics of the Uzumaki, but keep in mind that a clan whose members have been hunted refugees for over 18 years are bound to have issues buried under all that comedy.

Anyway, we're soon coming up on Wave, so look forward to that! :D

-MB

EDIT: Also, it's a popular misconception that dogs don't sweat. They do, but through their feet, not their skin. Hence, if a sweating dog scratched itself, it would hypothetically be able to have its coat slick with sweat - arguably, very little, but coupled with saliva, it could in fact happen.

December 16, 2013 Update: Chapter has been revised.