chapter eight

Leo knocked on her door once more. He didn't hear any reply, and wondered if she was just asleep. He put the key that was already waiting in his hand into the lock, opening the door gently and starting to enter.

"Nikki? It's Leo." He called out as a warning for her before stepping into the flat and closing the door behind him. He glanced around the living room, but was drawn towards the kitchen for some reason. When he entered he knew why.

Amongst a spread of papers on the floor, he spotted Nikki shrunk into a corner, a blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders. She looked up to meet his gaze as he entered the narrow room, wanting to say something but having no idea where to start. Leo seemed to sense this, and so didn't speak either. He moved a little further into the room, before crouching down over the papers and beginning to read. Part of him considered whether he was intruding on her privacy, but was sure she would say something, or would have cleared up the papers, if she didn't want him to know. His stomach sank as he scanned the pages.

There was a range of pages, some obviously printed from internet sites, some professional looking medical documents, a leaflet or two, and amongst the mess he noticed a couple of big medical texts open as well. Moving the papers around as he read, he found a copy of a brain scan. Holding it up, he strained to see against the barely lit room.

His stomach sank the remaining distance it could and he felt physically sick. He turned to look at Nikki, shaking his head as he did so and muttering 'no' under his breath. Her body was trembling slightly, her face white, making her dark eyes stand out even more than usual. She suddenly looked like a little kid, a little kid that was scared and didn't know how to deal with it yet.

He wasn't sure how long they just stared at each other, both too shocked to do much else. Leo wanted to say something, but his brain was still processing, and it wasn't like he'd be able to say anything that would actually help.

She eventually broke their eye contact, running a trembling hand across her face and looking away. Leo felt his body shift; the ground came up to meet him as his legs stretched out and his back found a cupboard door to lean against. The next phase of limbo lasted almost as long as the first, neither of them saying anything or even looking at each other now.

Finally Leo realised he'd have to make the first move, or they'd be sitting there all night.

"Have you eaten yet?" Leo asked. Nikki turned to look at him, surprise at his words written across her face. She shook her head slightly in reply, and watched as he stood up, walking across to her oven, flipping a couple of switches and then routing around in her freezer. It didn't take him long to emerge with a pizza, he had known that she'd have at least a couple in there. Their job had such irregular hours at times, combined with the fact Leo was pretty sure Nikki didn't actually cook, meant that he had been sure she'd have plenty of food that could just be shoved into an oven without requiring any preparation.

Once the oven was warm enough, Leo placed the pizza in, setting the timer and stepping back wondering what to do next. It was supposed to take 18 minutes to cook, and he didn't really want to sit in silence again. He crouched down near to Nikki, who had barely moved, and motioned towards all the papers with his hands.

"Do you mind if I clear these up?" Again Nikki looked a little surprised at his question, but shook her head gently in reply as before.

He felt her eyes watching him as he stacked all the papers up neatly, closing the text books and placing them all in a pile. Glancing at her first, as if to ask permission, he took them through to her living room and placed them neatly on the table. Part of him wanted to hide them away where they could never be found, but it wasn't really his place to do that, and at least now Nikki wouldn't have the mess on the kitchen floor as a reminder in the morning. Staring at them for a moment, he took a deep breath, letting it out slowly in an attempt to calm himself.

The next thing he knew, his senses were picking up the aroma of melted cheese, and an annoying beeping sound was coming from the kitchen. He shook himself awake again, aware that he must have zoned out, and returned to the kitchen. Nikki hadn't moved, despite the oven timer beeping at her rather persistently.

Leo cut up the pizza, putting the pieces onto a plate, and grabbing a couple of pieces from the kitchen roll on the side. He sat down beside Nikki, mirroring her body position with his own, placing the plate down between them, and helping himself to the first piece. It was a while before Nikki reached across to take her own piece. She nibbled at it slowly, but Leo honestly hadn't expected anything different this evening.

Once again they didn't speak as they ate, and Leo was glad for the food acting as a distraction. Though he honestly wondered who had picked at their pizza the most out of the two of them. It jolted Leo out of his thoughts when Nikki was the one to break the long silence.

"Janet's probably waiting for you at home." When she eventually spoke, Nikki's voice was a little rough, but more steady than Leo had expected. What didn't surprise him was the fact that her first words were about concern for him, rather than anything to do with herself. Nikki was still in there behind all the silence and scared eyes.

"Yeah." He replied softly, letting his gaze fall down on the plate of pizza which neither of them had managed to eat enough of to finish. Despite this the food seemed to have helped her regain some strength. Whether physical or emotional, he wasn't quite sure, but at least she was talking now. Seemingly sensing Leo's reluctance to move, Nikki spoke up again.

"It's okay, you have to go home at some point." This time Leo turned to look at her, examining her features closely, causing her to shrink back slightly under the intensity of his gaze. "I'll be okay." Her tone was flat, and although totally unconvincing in some ways, it was still what Leo needed to hear before he could leave her.

Leo nodded his head, pushing himself up off the floor. He retrieved the left over pizza and placed it on the side work surface, before lending a hand to Nikki in order to help her up. She followed him out of the kitchen and into her little entrance hall; both of them hesitating now that he was about to go. He started talking again, not quite feeling ready to leave her alone.

"Are you going to talk to Harry tomorrow?" Leo thought he saw a flash of guilt and fear cross her face as she shook her head in reply.

"I'm not ready to tell anyone, I don't want anyone to know."

"You at least have to tell Harry." Nikki shook her head again, very definite in her response, her determination on this matter visible across her face. "Nikki-"

"Please, Leo." There were tears in her eyes as she pleaded with him. "Please don't say anything."

"Nikki, this isn't something you can keep from him. He deserves to know, not to mention the fact he'll notice that something's wrong." She shook her head gently, a few loose blonde curls trailing behind the movement.

"He's been through so much recently. I can't tell him, I can't do that to him." The look Leo gave her was one that she'd never experienced from her own father, but she always regarded as the disapproving look a father would give his child when they didn't agree. As usual it sent a sense of belonging through her despite the uneasy conversation that accompanied it. She clung onto the feeling for a moment, the importance of it even more apparent to her now.

"And what do you think it's going to do to him when he finds out you've been keeping it from him, how is that any better?" Nikki let one hand reach up and her head fall onto it, avoiding answering for a moment.

"Just give me some time, I need some time." Despite not looking up, she could almost sense Leo's desire to say more, to push, and found herself rather grateful when he decided not to.

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