A/N: Furuchisa: Thanks! and yeah, Hijikata is great (a.k.a I love him lol). Hope you did well in your trial exams!
meshi-chan: yeah, I felt that too but glad you likes the chapter! hope you enjoy this one as well.
Patsuan: thanks! and nooo I was right, the internet here is slow so haven't watched anime since I got to my vacation, oh the tragedy! anyway, hope you like this chapter too!
fdsa4321: first of all, nice name lol. Secodnly, aw thanks! I consider being called almost like a gintama episode, one of the best compliments to get! \^_^/ . And thanks for the tip! also, it's okay, i get that not all people ship some ships. Hope you enjoy this chapter as well!
Currently-addicted-to-okikagu: ah omg hope your eyestrain gets better, i guess releasing another chapter isn't goo for it haha. aw I love Okikagu too but some Hijikagu is okay as well huhu. hope you enjoy this one, but rest your eyes after!
*anyway, yay I finally could update. It's been a weird transition from having a room all to myself to a room full of family and I sort of felt always watched when I'm trying to write. thank goodness family members nap lol. Anyway, hope you enjoy this one!
"You're getting sloppy, Is age finally catching up ta ya, Hijikata-san?" Sougo growled, a maniacal smile on his face as he swung at the vice-chief.
Hijikata narrowly avoided the strike and, , with a groan of annoyance, attempted his own attack at Sougo.
"If you keep running your mouth, little bastard, you'll have your a** kicked faster!" Hijikata warned.
The two continuously exchanged blows, both sides trying to get the upper-hand without success.
"Gin-san, this is starting to look bad. Both men aren't backing down." Shinpachi commented, his brow sweating.
"Calm down, Shinpachi. Believe in Hijikata-kun. If you can't do that, believe in the stuff I put in Sofa-kun's food this morning!" Gin said, looking all fired up.
"WAIT WHAT?!" Shinpachi shrieked, "How could you stoop that low? Oy!"
The poor boy could only watch, with a darkened face, as Gintoki took out a timer with the label 'Bye bye Sofa-kun' on it.
The timer turned to zero.
"GYAAAAHHH!" a scream sounded throughout the Shinsengumi compound.
Shinpachi and Gintoki sweated profusely in front of Hijikata.
The vice-chief sported anger marks all over his face and neck.
"THAT was your plan?!" He growled at the two.
Shinpachi flinched back from the furious demon.
"O-oy Hijikata-kun, c-calm down! It's not our fault it didn't work. Who could have guessed the gorilla would eat Sofa-kun's breakfast instead?" Gintoki stammered as he nervously pushed Hijikata's sword away from his neck.
"And just how would giving Sougo laxatives, help him and Kagura get together?" Hijikata growled, shoving his sword right back up against Gintoki.
"Well, y-you see, If Sofa-kun had ate the laxatives and gone kaboom, Then Shinpachi here would act all panicked and call for help. Kagura, being in love with Sofa-kun, will immediately run to him and boom: Love " Gintoki said.
"Love my a**! Your plan is so wishy washy, there's no way it would work out!" Hijikata yelled at his two idiot assistants.
After Kondo had gone 'code-brown' in the middle of the duel, everyone had screamed for a break and ran away from the poor gorilla.
Hijikata had instantly dragged Gintoki and Shinpachi behind one of the buildings to berate them of what they had just done.
"Wait, Hijikata-san, weren't you there when we were planning? Wait, wasn't I also there during the planning?!" Shinpachi shrieked.
They both turned to Gintoki.
"Oy, what the hell happened?" The chorused.
Gintoki gave them a weak smile before throwing the flashback scene at them and running away.
Back to the time the three were planning:
Gintoki and Shinpachi had Hijikata by the collar.
They had dragged him back to Otose's bar , declaring it their headquarters.
After several bad ideas from all three of them, some of which included murdering Sougo, Making Kagura turn lesbian for a cross-dressed Katsura, telling Kyubei that Sougo was selling his b*lls, and several other unhelpful 'hurt Sougo' ideas, the three began to argue and turn rowdy.
The next thing they knew, Gintoki had grabbed some sake out of nowhere and he and Hijikata began drinking, whilst Shinpachi took out a karaoke machine from somewhere and scared off the other customers with blood curling renditions of Otsu-chan songs.
The next day, all three had woken up with a hang over and left separately, without speaking to each other.
Two days later, here they were at the duel.
"So it's your fault! You got us drunk, you bastard!" Hijikata growled at Gintoki.
"Oy, don't blame me, you're the one who brought the alcohol to his own lips!" Gintoki growled back.
"H-how did I get drunk?" Shinpachi growled as well.
"Don't ask us, how are we supposed to know the inner workings of a male, virginal otaku?" Gintoki replied as two imaginary arrows, with the words 'virgin' and 'otaku', embedded themselves into a falling Shinpachi.
Gintoki caught the boy in time, giving Hijikata the opening he needed to strike at Gintoki.
In two seconds flat, the three were squabbling like little children, playground insults and all.
From a short distance away, the women watched them, with faces that showed they were ashamed to know the group of idiots.
"A-anyway, we should get back to our discussion." Tsukuyo said in an attempt to revert to what they had been talking about, before the three men started a commotion.
"I didn't expect the Gorilla to poop bomb the place before the vice-chief could." Sa-chan commented.
"Agreed, Perhaps the dosage wasn't enough?" Tsukuyo said.
Kagura's face darkened, she still couldn't believe the plan they had come up with.
Tsukuyo and Sa-chan had devised a ploy where they drug Hijikata's food so he was rendered unable to continue the duel. Before he could forfeit, Kagura would volunteer to be his second, a rule they had discovered in the duel hand book Hijikata had received from Kondo, and during her fight with Sougo, she'd, well, she'd attack him with a kiss.
If he did like her, like they think he does, then he would kiss back, if he didn't, then Kagura could just feign innocence and say it was an accidental fall on his lips.
Kagura had been conflicted about sacrificing her first kiss for such a plan but, if it could lead to more kisses shared with the sadist, she had to go for it.
"Um, Tsukki, are you sure you put it in the right plate?" Kagura asked.
She had spotted something she wish she hadn't seen.
Tsukki and Sa-chan followed her gaze.
All three of their faces darkened.
There, a short distance away, were Shinpachi and Gintoki, both writhing in pain whilst clutching their stomachs.
"We drugged the wrong idiots!" The three women exclaimed, all color drained from their faces.
If one were to pass by the Shinsengumi infirmary, they'd most likely think it was haunted or something.
Miserable moans and wails erupted from inside, every few seconds.
It almost sounded like tortured souls and restless spirits, thankfully, it was just three idiots having a very bad stomach ache.
Shinpachi and Gintoki had been taken to the infirmary, after a trip to the toilet of course.
They were placed in the same room as Kondo.
Hijikata didn't want to go inside, he didn't care that they were his boss and team mates, he just couldn't bring himself to open the door.
"Move, I need to see my Gin-san!" A screech came from behind him.
He turned around and saw a glassed ninja woman zipping through the Shinsengumi Halls, making her way straight towards him.
He dodged right in time to avoid her as she blasted through the door of the infirmary.
"Sarutobi, stop causing property damage!" Another shout came from the hallway.
Hijikata didn't bother to look surprised this time, as a deadly courtesan zoomed passed him and gave the previous ninja woman a bump on the head.
"I got the medical masks! We should wear it, it probably smells like %&* in there!" another voice, though familiar, came from down the hallway.
This time, the owner of the voice, paused when she saw Hijikata.
"Oh, It's you." Kagura greeted him.
Hijikata spotted the medical masks she was holding and reached out to grab one.
He put it on and without saying a word, and walked through the Sa-chan shaped hole into the infirmary.
Kagura followed suit and went in behind him.
Quite a sight greeted them.
Sa-chan, as always, was harassing Gintoki, she was straddling him in her pink nurse outfit whilst trying to feed him raw sugar, saying that it should make him feel better.
Tsukuyo was frantically apologizing to both Shinpachi and Gintoki about drugging them while she kept a hold of Sa-chan's collar so that she couldn't get her face too close to Gintoki.
For some reason, Otae was also there and was busy stepping on Kondo's face while the chief kissed the sole of the foot that was injuring him.
"Kagura," Hijikata began, he grabbed her hand and turned around, "We got the wrong room."
"Like hell you did!" Several voiced shouted back at him.
Sougo was plenty satisfied with what had happened today.
Sure, his plan had a little delay but it still provided him with great entertainment.
It was lucky that he hadn't had any appetite this morning, or else he'd be the one suffering bouts of diarrhea right now.
The boss and the glasses getting sick as well was a bonus.
Still, he felt like he needed to visit the chief anyway, during the intermission while Yamazaki forced some of the members to clean up the
Chief's little mess in the duel field.
He arrived at the infirmary at the worst time though.
The female ninja sexually harassing the Yorozuya boss didn't bother him, he didn't really care that the Yoshiwara woman was trying to stop said sexual harassment, nor did he take much notice of the glasses and whatever that guy was doing, heck he didn't even give a damn about the fact that his chief was being beat on again by the glasses' sister.
No, none of that mattered to him when he caught sight of the one thing that really caught his attention. Hijikata was holding China, Sougo's China.
"I'm hurt, you guys were having fun without me." Sougo said, making his presence known.
Hijikata immediately became more alert when he saw who had just arrived.
"Leave it to a sadist to call this chaos 'having fun'." Hijikata spat at him.
This made Sougo smirk.
"Oh this is just a taste of the fun to come. Once the duel is resumed, that's when I'll really enjoy myself, as well as after the duel." at this sentence, he winked at Kagura whom immediately jumped and hid behind Hijikata.
The poor girl felt a poke on her back.
She turned to find Tsukuyo behind her.
"Stay strong with your resolve." The woman advised quietly.
Kagura immediately felt bad, she had let her fear get her again.
She took a deep breath and forced herself away from Hijikata's protective form.
"Just watch sadist, Toshi-san will kick you're a**, your ancestor's a** and even your children's a**!" Kagura growled.
But they will be your children too, though, Sougo found himself thinking.
He instantly regretted it when he felt a blush start to creep up on his cheeks.
Thankfully, Kagura didn't seem to notice.
She was too busy still trash-talking him, though he heard none of it.
"And you will come begging for mercy, with your tail between your knees after you've been killed a third time by Toshi-san!" she finished.
The red-faced girl then grabbed her fake-boyfriend by the arm and began dragging him away.
"Now, If you'll excuse us, Toshi-san and I are gonna go puff puff before the duel resumes, so he can be all fired up! Let's go, Darling!" Kagura practically screamed.
All of the room's occupants, including her 'darling', stared at her, not knowing how to react.
Toshi let himself get dragged away by Kagura, leaving the rest with a scarily quiet Sougo.
"O-okita-kun, d-don't worry about it! Kagura doesn't have enough sex-appeal to even get Hijikata-kun to 'stand up'. They won't be doing any puff puff." Gintoki stammered from underneath Sa-chan.
"Gin-san is right, the brat probably doesn't even know how to puff puff!" Sa-chan added.
The whole room watched with bated breath as Sougo finally moved.
"GYAAAAAAHHH!" a chorus of screams came from the infirmary building.
The rest of the members simply assumed though, that the three men were just bombing the toilet again.
"Yamazaki, you're refereeing now. Let's start soon, I wanna get this over with." A scary voice came from behind Yamazaki.
The spy flinched when he saw the look Sougo was sporting, as he arrived from the direction of the screams.
"S-sure, Captain! The cleaning is almost done, once the vice-chief arrives. We can resume." Yamazaki said hurriedly with a salute.
"Don't wait for that bastard to show up!" Sougo snapped, "send some men to look for him and drag his a** here. Tell them to barge in even if they hear 'noises' inside!"
With that, the captain stomped off, looking like he was ready to cut down everyone in his path.
Yamazaki carried out the orders and soon had men scouring the compound for Hijikata.
Their target though, was in the least expected place to be.
The Shinsengumi cafeteria.
"What the hell was that 'puff puff' business about, huh?" Hijikata growled at his fake girlfriend.
The girl waved his question off with a flick of her hand and, instead, laid out a bowl of ramen in front of him.
"What's this?" Hijikata asked.
"Ramen aru." Kagura said.
"I know it's ramen, I meant why are you giving it to me!?" Hijikata snapped.
He was already embarrassed by her when she implied they were going to do the deed in front of the people they knew, and now she was being annoying.
"You need to eat." Kagura told him.
She gave him the most innocent-looking smile she could muster whilst nervously clutching the empty bottle of laxatives behind her back.
"Not hungry." Hijikata said simply.
An anger mark appeared on Kagura's forehead.
"But I made it specially for you." She tried to say in a cute way.
"Yeah right, I saw you take it out of the chef's fridge and microwaving it" Hijikata replied.
"Dammit, just eat it!" Kagura growled, she grabbed his face and started pouring the ramen bowl's contents down his throat, "Is that how you speak to your mother?"
"You're not my mother though ghughgugh!" Hijikata tried to say.
"That's right I'm your girlfriend, which should be more important, Your mother doesn't let you do this and that to her, does she?" Kagura growled, slapping Hijikata's hands away as he tried to get her to stop.
"What the hell do you mean 'this and that'? we don't do anything like that!" Hijikata growled as he finally managed to push the bowl away.
"Oh, so you're complaining that I'm not giving it out? Just because I want to wait until marriage! Men really do only have one thing on their minds!" Kagura wailed dramatically.
"What the hell are yout alking about, China?! You're really starting to piss me off!" Hijikata shouted while narrowly avoiding another bowl attack from Kagura.
Instead of hitting her target, She yelped as her foot hit one of the tables, causing her to fall and spill all the drugged ramen.
"No!" Kagura let out as the last of her laxatives got wasted on the floorboards.
Hijikata 'tch!'-ed and straghtened himself up.
"I don't know what's going on with you, but I'll talk to you later. I gotta head back to the duel now." He told her before leaving.
Kagura punched the floor in frustration and anger at herself.
She had ruined the plan.
"Damn, I forgot to put the mayonnaise on the ramen." she said in a small voice.
As soon as Hijikata returned to the duel field, Yamazaki began the announcements of resuming the duel.
The spectators filed back in, including Sa-chan, Tsukuyo and Otae.
The latter had come because Kondo, in an attempt to gain her favor, called her and told her about Shinpachi's sudden sickness.
The three women tried to spot Kagura in the crowd but all they saw were Shinsengumi members.'
"Where could she be, Her boyfriend is right there so she can't be puff puff-ing with him." Sa-chan said, "Unless, she is doing it by herse-!"
She had earned a hit from Tsukuyo.
"Anyway, the match is starting, she will probably get back soon. She won't want to miss this." Tsukuyo commented.
"I hope things work out for Kagura-chan." Otae said. She had finally heard about what's really been going on. The way things were going worried her greatly.
They watched as Yamazaki nervously waved his arm to mark the re-start of the duel.
Hijikata and Sougo clashed once again.
Kagura had hear the announcement, but made no move to get up off the floor of the cafeteria.
She already knew the outcome of the match.
Hijikata was a great fighter, but Sougo was just better.
Even when he promised her that he wouldn't lose, Her fake-boyfriend didn't stand a chance against a serious sadist and Kagura couldn't bring herself to watch the loss.
It was then that the cheering from the duel could be heard.
Kagura's eyes widened.
No way.
The members were screaming the name of the guy who was winning.
She immediately got up and ran towards the duel grounds.
The cheering was getting louder with each step.
"Go, Vice-chief go! Hijikata for the win!" came from a bit of a distance away, in front of her.
She allowed herself to smile.
She couldn't believe it.
"Good job Mayo- uh I mean, Toshi-san!" She whispered to herself with glee.
It was when she arrived at the light at the end of the hallway, that she realized how silent it had suddenly gotten.
"Toshi-san?" Kagura let out, right at the moment when Hijikata fell to the ground.
A dark faced Sougo stood above him.
Seconds passed in utter quiet.
"W-winner, Okita Sougo!" Yamazaki announced, recovering first.
No one cheered.
Sougo took this silence as an opportunity to hit the last nail on the coffin.
"Hijikata, I have one last proposition for you. Give me China, and I give you back your position."
The crowd gasped in shock.
Even Kagura found herself open-mouthed.
The vice-chief stayed silent.
His face was covered with his own blood, from a gash on his forehead.
His uniform was in tatters but, thankfully, one could still see his chest rising and falling.
Sougo continued remorselessly
"I repeat, Hijikata. You can be vice-chief again if you give me-!"
"I heard you the first time, Bastard."
Kagura let out a sigh of relief as Hijikata got up.
"You can have the vice-chief position. I ain't giving Kagura to you." Hijikata told Sougo.
He spat out some blood at Sougo's feet.
"Now, if you'll excuse me. I'd like to request the rest of the day off, Vice-chief Okita."
And without waiting for a reply, Hijikata turned around and began to leave.
The other members made way for him.
He reached Kagura.
"Let's go." he told her before grabbing her hand in his and walking them both out of the compound.
Yamazaki ran after them.
"Vice-ch-! ah I mean Hijikata-san! Your wounds, you need medical attention!" He shouted.
Hijikata gave him a wave of his hand.
"I'm good, I have a girlfriend to look after me." and with that, he turned to smirk at Sougo, before wrapping an arm around Kagura and disappearing into the distance.
Yamazaki forced himself to look at the new vice-chief.
He expected a scary-faced Okita, but, instead, he found Sougo smirking as well.
"What?" Yamazaki asked in disbelief.
Was he seeing things?
"Yo, zaki. Go get Kondo-san out of the infirmary and into my new office. I'll meet you guys there." Sougo ordered, he then turned to the rest of the men, "Get back to work, There's a new guy in charge. Anyone who disobeys me, gets whipped fifty times, while naked, in front of a crowd."
The men moved immediately.
Sougo's smile widened.
He may not have gotten the girl this time, but the new power sure felt good.
Plus, he had plenty more 'get China' plans in his book.
One way or another, she'd be his.
"We'll see who'll be doing the puff puff all over the compound, then." He muttered to himself.
"What was that, vice-chief?" Yamazaki asked.
"N-nothing, go carry out my orders!" Sougo growled.
Yamazaki gulped in fear as the sadist took out a whip from out of nowhere and began lashing at the air menacingly.
Oh dear, I think I chose the wrong person to help, Yamazaki thought to himself.
I don't know when I can update again, I had to commandeer a laptop from my mom, but I will try to do weekly updates. \^_^/