Chapter Ten

It was three on a cold Monday morning and I had written the last sentence of my project. For a few seconds I just stared at my laptop screen, my mouth hanging open, incapable of thought. And then, ignoring the fact I was in a house full of sleeping teenagers who would punch me if I woke them up, I squealed with happiness and began dancing around my bedroom in utter joy.

Two weeks of research, writing, after completely losing my life and spending hour upon hour in the library, suffering through a lack of food and sleep had resulted in this- over one hundred pages of my project, full of images, graphs, charts and comprehensive notes.

It wasn't perfect, but it was done.

I was done.

It had to be handed in to my professor in 5 hours, and it was done.

I squealed again, and then fell back on my bed with a sigh. I should have been exhausted, but finishing it had given me such an adrenaline rush. I felt giddy, almost drunk with happiness.

Unable to sit in my stuffy, still filthy room for a minute longer, I saved and re-saved my work, just to be sure, and danced down the stairs to see if Jasper was awake. I knocked at his door, resisting the temptation to throw it open and leap onto his bed, reasoning that if I had finished a few hours ago and had finally been able to get some sleep, I would have been so resentful of someone shattering that sleep.

I waited impatiently, and counted slowly to twenty before knocking again. Still no reply. Cautiously, I opened his door a fraction and peeked in. It was pitch black, and I could hear Jasper's heavy breathing. He was asleep- had probably finished his work hours ago. Go figure.

Feeling deflated, I wandered around the house aimlessly, too buzzed to sit still. I knew I should have just gone to bed- but I couldn't. I considered waking up Tanya- bouncing on her bed as payback for all the times she'd interrupted my own sleep. But it wasn't really Tanya I wanted to talk to. I found myself standing outside Edward's room- still my favourite room in the house. Even before he had permeated it with his presence, I had loved it. The door was ever so slightly ajar, and I could see it was lit. Without thinking, I knocked hard, twice.

"Come in," Edward called, and so I did. He seemed surprised to see me. He was propped up on his bed, leaning against the wall, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, his iPod headphones dangling from around his neck. "Hey," he greeted me.

I hadn't seen him since the night he tried and failed to make us dinner. For some reason, I felt like he'd been avoiding me. I hadn't been around the house much, but I would normally have seen him around when I came in, or rushed back to get something. I'd managed to see everyone else, however fleetingly. But no sign of him. I reasoned he'd probably just been working hard, or we'd just kept missing each other or something.

"Hey," I grinned broadly. "Oh, is everything okay?"

"Yes," he said, hesitantly. "Why?"

"Just wondering why you're awake at 3 in the morning, that's all."

"I can't sleep," he shrugged, making space on the bed for me to sit down next to him. "I just gave up eventually. I could ask you the same question though."

"I finished my project." I couldn't help it- I beamed.

"Aw, Bella, that's fantastic!" he grinned back at me. "Congratulations!" He embraced me in an awkward one armed hug. Somewhere down in my nether regions reacted violently to his touch, and I resisted the urge to shout at myself to calm down.

"Thank you," I smiled shyly, not sure what to say next. "I think I'm running on some work completion jolt. I haven't slept for like, over 24 hours but I feel like a kid on a sugar rush. And Jasper's fast asleep, lucky shit, and everyone else is sleeping too and I thought I was going to go mad..."

"Woah, slow down!" he laughed, ceasing my babbling. "Are you sure you haven't been packing away the sweets up there?"

"Scout's promise," I said, crossing my heart, making him laugh again.

"So, do you get your life back now you're done?" he asked, sounding a little wary of something, I thought.

"That's the plan," I grinned. "It's my turn to watch you all get eaten alive by work."

He snorted. "I hope that doesn't happen. So... if you're not going to get some free time again... maybe you and me could go out? Or... or something?"

I eyed him speculatively, feeling my heart pump blood around my body at an unacceptably fast rate and willing myself not to blush. "Like a date?" I blurted out. God, I really needed to go to sleep. It was like being drunk- I was so overtired I was saying things I would never even dream of saying normally. "I don't mean that," I corrected immediately with a nervous laugh. "I meant..."

"Well, it would be just us two." Edward couldn't quite meet my eye, and he was smiling lazily at something in the distance. "A date isn't a bad description for it, actually. I mean, if that's okay with you, obviously." It was his turn to squirm now, and to my delight, he blushed a little bit. Turned out I wasn't the only person with blood flow issues.

We caught each other's eye and laughed awkwardly. "Hmm, smooth Edward and Bella," he smiled. I liked the way our names sounded intertwined. Edward and Bella. Bella and Edward. Even though this conversation was more than a little mortifying, there was something about Edward that made me just see the humour in what could have been so awkward. Of course, when I was on my own, I would undoubtedly dissect my conversation and want to curl up in a ball and die with embarrassment, but in the present moment, I managed to find the funniness in the horror.

"It's too late for reasonable conversation," I excused our behaviour. "And I will take you up on the offer of that convoluted date." Edward smiled shyly, and looked at his hands. I followed his gaze. They were large and thin and spindly and gentle. He caught me looking and scrunched them into a ball self-consciously.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Everyone always says I've got women's hands," he said, a ghost of a smile in his voice.

"Never seen a woman with hands that big."

"No, I suppose not. I mean, look at your scrawny hands." It was my turn to be self-conscious. My nails were unpainted and bitten to the quick, a bad habit I picked up when I was stressed, and even the skin around them was nibbled.

"How about don't look at my hands," I murmured, sliding the hands under my bottom. Edward laughed, but it quickly turned into a yawn. "Sorry, I'll go now. You must want to sleep."

"No, its okay..." he protested, but I was starting to feel the tiredness that should have dragged me down long ago rear its sleepy head.

"I need to be up early to hand this bloody thing in anyway," I smiled.

"This bloody thing, hmm?"

"I'm picking up on all your little expressions." I stood up to leave. "Goodnight Edward."

Edward smiled at me, a small, peaceful smile. "Goodnight Bella. Get some good rest."

I exited the room swiftly, managing not to trip over the various pieces of detritus that littered Edward's bedroom floor, which was just as disorganised and cluttered as mine. I stood outside his bedroom door and took a deep breath, feeling a gigantic grin spread over my face. I didn't know quite how it had happened, but it appeared I was going for a date with Edward. And he had asked me. Maybe miracles did happen.

Alice was like a FBI agent.

"Why can't you come to the cinema with me?" she interrogated in a whiney tone. It was the first Saturday since I had reclaimed my freedom, and we were sat in Alice's room, her clutching a cup of green tea, me a steaming mug of coffee. I had had only two classes after I had handed in my essay- our professor had congratulated all of us for getting it done and promised us the workload would be much less- at least for the next few weeks. He reminded us there was still lots to be done, of course, and we would have plenty more and longer projects to do eventually, but I was living in the present and refusing to think about another fortnight (or longer) stretch spent in the library.

"I have homework," I lied. "I need to go to the library."

"On a Saturday night, you have to go to the library?" she surveyed me sceptically, one perfectly groomed eyebrow raised.

"Yes," I said, like it was the most natural and obvious thing in the world. "I want to have a chilled out afternoon, and then go for a couple of hours and get some work done."

"Jasper said he didn't have any homework to do."

"Well... it's not mandatory. It's just preparation for an upcoming project. I don't want to fall behind."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Why don't you just chill out?"

I gestured at my pyjama-clad body and cup of coffee. "It's two in the afternoon, Al."

"Fine. Whatever. I'll find someone else to go with me." She pouted and stared out the window despondently for a few moments. I didn't know why I hadn't told Alice that I was actually spending the evening going out on a... I couldn't even think the word... date with Edward. She had firmly cemented her place as a loyal, kind and wise friend to me, and she also would undoubtedly give me great advice. But as much as I loved Alice, there was no way I could deal with her unquestionable enthusiasm in response to the idea of mine and Edward's... rendezvous. The way Edward had acted since had left me with no doubt that he didn't see it as a big deal- I'm sure he would have mentioned it if questioned by one of the guys what he was up to, but at the same time, I could imagine he wouldn't have felt the need to bring it up without prompting. I, on the other hand, had to force myself not to scream from the rooftops that he had showed some potentially romantic interest in me, and it was testimony to my infantile crush on the boy that I was even keeping it a secret from my best friend.

There was a part of me, though, that was doing it to protect myself. If others knew about it, particularly others as eager as Alice to turn the whole it's-not-a-big-deal (when inside, to me, it really was) thing into a spectacle, if it all went horribly wrong I would come out of it looking like a moron. If I told Alice right at that moment that I couldn't go to the cinema with her because Edward was taking me to some (currently unknown) restaurant for dinner, she would, like a typical female best friend should, be ecstatic and jump around the room discussing hair, make-up and flirting tactics (all which would, admittedly, help me a lot), and when I returned, would pump me for every last analytical detail of my evening. And if the date ended with Edward realising that I was, in fact, a bit of a moron and undeserving of his further attention, I would be left looking and feeling like an idiot. A sad idiot. And Alice would be sympathetic, and throw me a pity party, and then get me drunk and tell me to go and kiss some other boy and get over it all, all the while feeling so sorry for me because my little crush was not requited.

No. It was much better to keep it to myself. Although my hair would undoubtedly suffer without Alice's assistance.

God- why did I decide to study psychology again? I'd never dissected my decision making process in such detail as I had now. And I was beginning to understand why my brain came to the conclusions it did, and that just pissed me off even more.

"You could always ask Jasper," I grinned at Alice, who flushed red immediately.

"Obviously not," she murmured into her pillow, and she immediately changed the subject. "Oh my God Bella, I totally forgot to tell you. This isn't me gossiping or anything, but Leah and Sam? Totally getting together."

"No way!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah. Have you noticed how much less of a bitch she'd been?" I remembered her happy expression the other day.

"Huh. Yeah, I guess. Well, that one came out of left-field."

"You're telling me. It's super cute though. Sam's so protective, and I would have thought Leah would have hated that, but she turns into a massive sap when he's around. I think she's been through some messed up shit, or something and she's so appreciative to have a decent guy around for a change."

Having effectively deflected from the conversation about Jasper, Alice began to talk about something she had to do for class. I day-dreamed while she chatted about transposing and E flats and umm-ed and aah-ed in the appropriate places. I felt my heart race as I imagined what was going to transpire that night. There was something very awkward about living with someone who you were going on a date with that night- there was every chance that he would see me a few hours prior to us going out in my pyjamas, with my hair piled high on my head, desperately in need of a shower. If we bumped into each other in the hall, what would we say? Would we arrange the night ahead of us? "I'll pick you up at eight, Bella"- oh, no, wait; he wouldn't, because we lived in the same freaking house? Would I meet him downstairs when the time of reckoning came, even though I'd have to walk past his room on my way down there? If the evening ended in awkwardness or, even worse, an argument, it's not like he could say goodbye to me at the restaurant as we both silently vowed never to speak to each other again. For the next year at least we'd still live under the same roof- me in the only room on the top floor, and him in the best room in the house, both of us asleep in the same built-for-one-and-a-half-people beds.

I sighed.

"Sorry, am I boring you?" she asked.

"Not at all," I smiled. "What was that about Mozart?"

"Mommy. Do you like this green blouse, or this blue blouse better?"

"The blue one, honey. Why do you ask?"

I lowered my voice, and leaned in conspiratorially to the webcam. "I have a date tonight."

My Mom looked visibly shocked. "But... Bella. What about Jake?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed. I had had to make the call to tell my mother about my evening plans, after having a mini meltdown about what to wear, and I figured if anyone was going to know about it, it should be my mom, comfortably sitting thousands of miles away from me so unable to ask too many questions. It wasn't really the type of thing I could have told my dad, and my best friend in the whole world was kind of under the impression he was in love with me. I didn't plan on telling Jacob about any male relationships I made until I got engaged, and only then I would tell him because I would want him at the wedding.

I should have foreseen the Jacob questions. My mom knew as well as I did that me and Jake weren't boyfriend and girlfriend but she, like everyone else at home, assumed it was just me being stubborn and I would eventually realise that Jacob was "made for me". She loved Jake, just the same as pretty much everyone who came into contact with him. I remembered a time a year or so again when I'd been taking the piss out of her for her terrible taste in boyfriends, and she had casually told me that "not everyone meets their soul mate while they're a teenager." The memory and the present moment made my stomach roll in guilt, and even the memory of Jacob telling me I could "kiss as many guys as I wanted" was not enough to completely eradicate the guilt.

"Momma, you know he's not my boyfriend." Across the world, on a grainy webcam screen, Renee sighed and shrugged. She was too flighty herself to push the issue- she would always want me to make my own decisions and mistakes, just like she did. Not that I thought I was making a mistake.

"Okay. It's your call baby. In that case, the blue one's prettier." Her second opinion backed up my first, so I stuffed the green blouse back in my closet. "Now, tell me everything about this young man."

"Mom..." I warned. Renee was as open as I was closeted. She had an idea in her head of the typical Mom and daughter relationship- of us being best friends and sharing gossip and opinions about each other's lives. My mom was great, but she had forgotten that we had never had the conventional relationship she suddenly thought she was entitled to- most daughters don't do the food shopping for the house from the age of eleven.

"Oh, don't give me that," Renee laughed. "If you're not going to tell me everything, at least give me something."

"Well, his name is Edward," I began, suddenly painfully shy. I made sure I kept my voice very quiet- there would be nothing more torturous than him overhearing me talking about him to my mommy. "And he lives in the house with me." She pulled a face- I didn't know whether she was concerned about the fact that we lived (or, more importantly, slept) under the same roof, or if she had the same this-could-get-awkward concerns that I harboured. I continued quickly, "and, uh, I don't know him very well, but he was the one who took me to the hospital when I busted my ankle, remember?" Renee nodded enthusiastically.

"Two quick questions then I'll shut up. Oh- actually three. What does he study, what does he look like and what is he like as a person?"

"Medicine, gorgeous, and I don't know him very well yet, but he seems pretty darn nice to me."

Renee squealed, looking more like Alice than my almost forty year old mother. "Well, that sounds great honey. And as much as I still think you shouldn't give up on Jake just yet-" I huffed- "it's good for you to get these experiences. I hope you have a good night."

"Thanks mom. What are your plans for today, anyway?"

Renee smiled coyly. "Well, actually, I have a date of my own. Me and Phil are going to salsa dancing lessons and then dinner after."

"Salsa dancing?" I asked, open-mouthed.

"Yeah, and oh my God Bella, it's the best. It's so fun!" My mom bumbled enthusiastically on about just how much she loved it, and how she was definitely going to keep it up. I knew that she would lose interest in it within a few weeks, as she always did, but I was still hopeful that Phil would continue to keep her interest. He had lasted past two months- that was something for Renee.

"What time are you going out?" she asked, when she was done filling me in on her plans.

"Uh- seven. Shit, is that the time?" I gazed at the clock on my laptop in horror. I had less than an hour. "Mom, I gotta go, okay? I'll drop you an e-mail tomorrow or something."

"Okay baby, have fun! I love you!"

"You too momma." I slammed the laptop shut and took a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart before throwing off my pyjamas and slipping into my blouse.

One minute to seven, and I was stood in front of the mirror, surveying my reflection. I had tried so hard to look nice, but at the same, tried so hard not to look like I was trying so hard. My hair was straight, but with a little volume at the crown, like some article in a magazine had suggested. My blouse, jeans and heeled boots combination was smart-casual, so I wouldn't look underdressed or overdressed, I hoped. My make-up was natural, but the gold eyeshadow was not, elevating me to, what I hoped, was a sexy but relaxed look.

I wondered vaguely who I was trying to kid. I couldn't be sexy if I tried.

I thought I was going to be sick with nerves. As much as I had tried to drill into my head that this was not a big deal, my body still seemed to be incapable of grasping this. My heart pounded and hands shook.

A knock on my bedroom door almost sent me spiralling into a panic attack. With sweaty hands, I opened it, to see Edward leaning against it, smiling lazily. My breath almost caught in my throat at how good he looked- his hair was more tamed than usual, and a pair of jeans and a shirt hugged his lanky frame. His eyes were the familiar but no less shocking in their beauty shade of emerald. He looked so hot I forgot my nerves for a moment as I ogled him.

"You look very pretty," he smiled at me, his voice gentle and low. It made my heartbeat flutter in my chest. "So- shall we go?"