Chapter 10-

"Did you want to talk about why you felt the need to stumble from your bed and scream at the ocean?" Luca asked me.

"How do you know I stumbled from my bed?" I asked.

I watched his eyes glance at my hair and knew right away. I must have looked like the bride of Frankenstein. I didn't even bother to reach up to try to smooth my hair at all. I rolled my eyes at him and set a hand on my hip.

"It's the Italian in me. I have curly hair and this is what happens. Now is probably not the time to tell me how bad I look." I spat out.

He raised both of his hands palms out. "Hey, I didn't say it wasn't attractive."

"Sure." I dismissed him.

I took a few steps away, stepping closer to the water. I wasn't trying to be rude or ignore Luca but my mind was swimming with thoughts. I tried to focus on the crystal blue water and how it shimmered in the sun. My mind kept wandering, I had all of these voices in my head. Morelli telling me how he worried about me, complaining about acid reflux. I could see myself relaxing into his hug so many times. He loved me. I saw Joe's comfortable house and watched as I woke up in his bed surrounded by warmth and comfort.

Then it switched to his words about Ranger. How he was dangerous. I could hear phrases he had told me about Ranger in the past. He called him a loose cannon and warned me working with Ranger would get me killed. Somehow the word opportunist was stuck in my brain. My eyes closed and I was in a parking lot. It was my apartment complex.

I had my gun in my hand before I got out of the car. I crossed the lot and entered the building. I paused when I got to my door. This was always the tricky part. Once I was in the apartment I felt fairly secure. I had a security chain and a bolt besides the deadlock. Only Ranger could get in unannounced. Either he walked through the door ghost style, or else he vaporized himself like a vampire and slid under the jamb. I guess there might be a mortal possibility, but I didn't know what it was.

I unlocked my door and searched through my apartment like the movie version of a CIA operative, skulking from room to room, gun drawn, crouched position, ready to fire. I was crashing open doors and jumping around. Good thing no one was there to see me because I knew I looked like an idiot. The good part was, I didn't find any rabbits with their tools hanging out. Compared to rape by the rabbit, spiders and snakes seemed like small change.

Ranger called ten minutes after I got into my apartment.

"Are you going to be home for a while?" he asked. "I want to send someone over to set up a security system."

So, the man of mystery reads minds, too.

"My man's name is Hector," Ranger said. "He's on his way."

Hector was slim and Hispanic, dressed in black. He had a gang slogan tattooed onto his neck and a single tear tattooed under his eye. He was in his early twenties, and he only spoke Spanish.

Hector had my door open and was making a final adjustment when Ranger arrived. Ranger gave a barely audible greeting to Hector in Spanish and glanced at the sensor that had just been installed in my doorjamb.

Then Ranger looked at me, giving away nothing of his thoughts. Our eyes held for a few long moments, and Ranger turned back to Hector. My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco, so I couldn't understand the exchange between Ranger and Hector. Hector was talking and gesturing, and Ranger was listening and questioning. Hector gave Ranger a small gizmo, picked up his tool chest, and left.

Ranger crooked his finger at me, giving me the come here sign. "This is your remote. It's a keypad, small enough to hook to your car key. You have a four-digit code to open and close your door. If the door has been violated the remote will tell you. You're not attached to a watchdog. There's no alarm. This is designed to give you easy access and to tell you if someone's broken into your apartment, so you have no more surprises. You have a steel fire door, and Hector's installed a floor bolt. If you lock yourself in, you should be safe. There's not much I can do about your windows. The fire escape is a problem. It's less of a problem if you keep your gun on your nightstand."

I looked down at the remote. "Does this go on the tab?"

"There's no tab. And there's no price for what we give each other. Not ever. Not financial. Not emotional. I have to get back to work."

He stepped away to leave, and I grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "Not so fast. This isn't television. This is my life. I want to know more about this no-emotional-price thing?"

"It's the way it has to be."

"And what's this job you have to get back to?"

"I'm running a surveillance operation for a government agency. We're independent contractors. You aren't going to grill me on details, are you?"

I released his shirt and blew out a sigh. "I can't do this. This isn't going to work."

"I know," Ranger said. "You need to repair your relationship with Morelli."

"We needed a time-out."

"I'm being a good guy right now because it suits my purposes, but I'm an opportunist, and I'm attracted to you. And I'll be back in your bed if the Morelli time-out goes on for too long. I could make you forget Morelli if I put my mind to it. That wouldn't be good for either of us."

"Yeesh."

Ranger smiled. "Lock your door." And he was gone.

My eyes shot open and I whispered. "An opportunist."

I wrapped my arms around my shoulders and hugged myself. What the hell was that? I was more confused than ever. No price? What the hell did that mean? Was he referring to an unconditional thing? Like we could give each other whatever we chose without having to qualify anything? Or maybe the no price thing meant he wanted to give and take without having it really mean anything? I was more confused than ever. I felt someone beside me before an arm patted my shoulder. I looked up to see Luca and leaned away from him.

"I'm sorry. You looked like you needed a hug, but I didn't want to freak you out." He shrugged.

"Thanks, I appreciate it." I gave him a tight-lipped smile.

"Whatever it is it can't be that bad. Things aren't always as bad as they seem." He tried to console me.

"Things will get better." Hector promised.

I turned to see him standing a few feet away from me. I bit down into my lip to keep the tears at bay. For just one brief second an image of him holding his hand like a gun saying 'bang bang' flashed through my mind.

"I'm fine Hector. No, wait, I'm not fine. That asshole cop called me." I glanced at Luca. "No offense."

"None taken." He gave me another palms out arm raised.

I focused back on Hector who had a slight raise at the corners of his mouth.

"He was at my parent's home. At my freaking home. He put my mother on the phone and she yelled at me. My head is killing me and she doesn't even ask me how I am, she just yells at me about Joe. The only memories I have had about her tell me she is a bitch who hates me. Yeah, so that's what I'm supposed to look forward to? My family? They don't seem to give a shit about me. My fiancée? He is an asshole." I was ranting.

"That doesn't sound good." Luca shook his head.

"Right? It doesn't! So why should I go back to Trenton? Maybe I would be better off if I never got my memory back. Take off and go live in the middle of nowhere." I sighed.

"I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who love you, and they would definitely miss you." Luca rested his hand on my shoulder and gave me a squeeze.

"Like my fiancée? Or whatever the hell he is to me. He claims he loves me but he just wants to control me. He is trying to change me into something I'm not. He calls me by a stupid food nickname." I paused and snapped my head over to focus on Luca again.

"Would you call a girl Cupcake? Do you think that's sexy? I could deal with babe. I could even deal with honey or hun, Sweetheart or sweetie even, but not Cupcake. Am I right?" I asked him.

He took a step back and smiled at me as he nodded his head. "You are right. That is ridiculous. Next thing you know men will be calling women ho ho's and ding dong's"

I started to look back at Hector to continue my rant when Luca's words reverberated in my ears. I smiled. I snickered and then I burst out laughing. A big toothy smile spread across Hector's face. I turned to face Luca who had dropped his hands and was sporting a bright smile of his own.

"No guy better even think of calling me a ho ho or a ding dong." I warned him.

"How about twinkie?" He asked.

"No" I laughed.

"Tasty Cake? Crimpet?" He suggested.

"No and No." I giggled.

"Devil Dog?" He offered.

"No!" I laughed harder.

"Cosmic Brownie." He sounded out the first word slowly.

"What? No!" I shook my head.

"Molten Lava." He tried to make it sound sexy and finished by raising his eyebrows.

"Hell no!" I exclaimed.

We all exploded into full out belly laughs. Hector was bent at the waist as his deep voice bellowed out in laughter. I had tears in my eyes as I watched Luca toss his head back as deep chuckles tumbled from him.

"How about just Steph?" Luca finally suggested as I nodded.

"Can I still use Angelito?" Hector asked.

"Of course." I assured him.

"Just not angel food cake." Luca teased.

"Not angel food cake." I pretended to chide Hector.

"Are you ready to eat something and start packing?" Hector asked once the laughter had died down.

"Yeah. I am hungry." I nodded.

"Packing?" Luca asked.

"Yeah, we're headed back to Trenton tonight." I told him.

"Back to your fiancée?" He teased.

I shot him a glare and he raised his hands in submission again.

"Okay. Okay. I was just kidding." He smirked. "I never met a married woman with a fiancée."

"It's more complicated than you can imagine. At this point I'm not sure I want all of my memories back. Maybe starting over would be less emotional. And less dangerous." I babbled.

"Maybe when you get home things will get better. Once you deal with that dessert loving fiancée." Luca teased.

"No doubt I'll have to deal with him. Just pray that I don't suddenly remember that I love his little nickname." I suggested.

"Wouldn't dream of it. Don't forget you have my card. Maybe we can do lunch in the city sometime." He shrugged. "Hector too."

"That sounds like fun." I nodded.

"Si." Hector nodded.

Hector held out his hand to me and I took it. He pulled me into a hug and then patted my back. I turned back to wave goodbye to Luca, but instead released Hector's hand and made my way back to the green-eyed brunette.

"Would you put in a good word for me if I have to murder people once I get back to Trenton?" I asked.

"Of course, but I think you will probably control yourself. Don't you have any local cop friends?" he asked.

"The asshole Cupcake man is a cop." I laughed.

"Oh damn! No wonder why you don't want to be friends with me." He let his head fall back.

"I never said that. I came out here to think." I explained.

"And scream." He added.

I blushed. "That too. I am sure we would be great friends I just have so much going on right now."

"Hey, it's not a problem. I understand completely." He assured me.

"I gotta go." I told him.

"I understand." He forced a smile.

"Have fun on vacation." I told him.

He acknowledged my words with a nod but he didn't smile. He gave me a slight wave.

"Have a safe flight home." He called out before turning back towards his own property.

"Thanks." I told him as I made my way back to a waiting Hector.

I followed him into the house and he closed the door behind us. I didn't hear any other sounds so I assumed the other guys were busy or out. He pushed me towards the bathroom and advised me to tame my hair while he made breakfast. I guessed I must be a pretty bad cook. None of them ever even asked me to step foot in the kitchen. I showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and a purple t-shirt before I reemerged from the bedroom. I smiled at Tank before I sat down next to him at the table. Lester was standing in the kitchen getting himself a cup of coffee and Ranger was on his phone. Hector slid a plate in front of me and I licked my lips when I saw the French toast dripping with syrup piled high in front of me.

"I love you." I purred as my lips closed around the fork.

"Who's she talking to?" Tank asked.

"Me." Lester smirked.

"She's talking to her breakfast." Hector chuckled.

I looked up to survey the room and smiled the best I could with a full mouth. I was definitely talking about the breakfast. It was delicious and I hadn't even realized how hungry I was until I put the first bite into my mouth. I kept eating as the men moved about. Hector had cleaned up the kitchen and nodded to Ranger as he moved passed him to head into the living room.

"We're going to pack up the motel room." Tank told Ranger who nodded.

"Meet at the airport?" Lester asked as Ranger nodded again.

"See you soon." Hector kissed me on the top of my head.

My mouth was too full to respond and once I had finished chewing and swallowed he was gone. When I finished eating, I took my plate to the kitchen and cleaned it off. I felt Ranger watching me but he hadn't said anything. He was in the open living room on the phone speaking in hushed tones. I thought about going back to the bedroom and lying on the bed. Maybe I should take a walk? Finally, I just went into the living room and leaned against the wall across from Ranger. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited.

When our eyes met he smirked and disconnected his call. He tucked his phone into his belt and moved towards me. He stopped directly in front of me and pressed his right hand to the wall beside my head. His other hand played with a strand of my hair before tucking it behind my ear. I had so many questions to ask him, but I wasn't sure where to start.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Where were you when I woke up?" I blurted at the same time.

"Were you looking for me?" He asked.

I wasn't sure how to answer this. I hadn't exactly been looking for him but I needed him. When I was upset I looked for him. When I needed someone, I looked for him. That scared me because I felt dependent and I didn't want to be dependent on anyone.

"I don't know." I shrugged.

He didn't speak. He just stood there and watched me. He was waiting for me to say more.

"I guess I was curious where you were." I admitted.

"Why?" He asked.

I shrugged.

"What happened?" He asked.

I shrugged again. I suddenly had a lump in my throat and couldn't talk. I was embarrassed to admit that I needed him, it was hard enough admitting it to myself. I wanted to ask him questions about what Morelli said. I wanted to ask him questions about what I saw. I wanted to ask him what no price meant.

"Morelli called." I finally managed.

"And?" He asked in a clipped tone.

"He was at my parent's house. It's not going to be so easy back in Trenton. My mother was already yelling at me." I looked down.

He leaned in and pressed his forehead to mine and took a deep breath. When his lips gently brushed over mine I felt a tingle move through my body. I wanted to grab the back of his head and pull him into me. I was also tempted to put both hands on his chest and shove him away, so that's what I did.

"Babe?" He took a step back.

"An opportunist?" I asked.

"What?" He was confused.

"Morelli. He told me you were an opportunist and then I remembered you saying it to me. You told me to work things out with him. You told me it suited your purpose to let me go." I glared at him.

"Steph, there's going to be a lot of things that you remember that aren't good. A lot of things I have said to you…" He trailed off.

"No price?" I choked out.

I reached for the rings on my finger and started to tug at them. His hand shot out and he grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Don't. It's all I have." He told me.

"All you have?" I didn't understand.

"You have so many good memories with Morelli. You've known him your whole life. We haven't had enough time. It took us so long to get here. Those rings are all I have to remind you of what we mean to each other. To remind you of what we shared here and how everything changed." He explained.

"We have no good memories outside of Hawaii?" I asked him.

"We do. We have lots of great memories, but some of the things I have said to you…" He sighed.

He let go of my arm and I stood silently as I tried to take in what he had just said. I didn't want to rush to any major decisions so I secured the rings back onto my finger. There was a worried look on his face. He stepped away from me and took a deep breath before he spoke.

"I have always been attracted to you, drawn to you. I have never lied to you about my feelings. I have told you so many times that I love you, but the life I choose to lead is not conducive to relationships. I thought you would be better off with the guy from the Burg and the fairy tale marriage and 2.5 kids." He shrugged.

"What changed?" I asked.

"Everything." He responded.

I didn't say anything. I was so frustrated and confused. This man before me seemed like he genuinely cared about me and I know I feel love for him. But what Morelli said and the things I remember? Maybe I was blind and saw what I wanted to see. Perhaps I was a puppy dog that just followed him around begging for his affection.

"Let's get moving Babe. I know there are people you will be excited to see when we get back and I have a few things I need to deal with at Rangeman." He told me.

"Then why did you stay here? Why didn't you just have Hector stay here with me?" I glared.

"You are my responsibility." He explained.

"I refuse to be a burden to anyone. When we get back to Trenton I will take care of myself." I paused, "I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I don't need you to take care of me."

"Steph, Babe..." His shoulders slumped.

I closed my eyes when I saw a flash of a black woman. She wore leopard skin painted on leggings with a zebra striped tank top that barely held in her breasts. Her hair was bright red. She was sitting on a couch describing Ranger and how hot he was. She started referring to him as Batman and calling him mysterious. It was a bonds office, I remembered now. She was my partner, my friend. An ex-ho turned file clerk, turned partner. This had to be Lula and she thought Ranger was my own personal Batman.

Then I saw Ranger, he was sitting on my bed with the same defeated look on his face.

"Being your hero is a full-time job, I worry that someday I'm not going to get to you in time." He told me.

"I didn't know you worried about anything." I stated.

"I worry about everything." He confessed

My eyes flashed open. I was angry. I glared at him as the confusion spread across his face.

"So I called you Batman? Well, I don't need a superhero to save me anymore so you don't have to worry about me. I don't want to drag you down or make you worry. You have already wasted too much time and money on me." I spat.

"Don't. Don't do this." He pleaded.

"Do what? You said we meant it when we got married but you haven't elaborated. Is it a fake marriage or a real one? You're attracted to me, great, I get it. Everyone's attracted to you, you're a hot guy. Lust isn't everything you know. You don't get married because you want to jump into bed with somebody." I threw my hands up in the air.

"You don't get it Babe." He shook his head.

I closed my eyes tightly when I saw his face in his apartment. I assumed it was his place because it wasn't mine. I was barefoot and he was getting ready to leave.

"I bleed money every time you need protection." He told me.

"Jeez, I'm sorry" I was upset.

"I told you there was no monetary way to justify your security. The truth is, you're a line item in my budget. I have you listed under entertainment. This is a high-stress business and you're comedy relief for my entire team." He smirked

"Comedy relief?" I was incredulous.

"I like you. We all like you. The truth is I love you…in my own way." He finished.

"In your own way?" I shook my head.

I moved towards the closet and began gathering clothes. I carried them over and dumped them on the bed next to the suitcase. I had tears welling behind my eyes, but I refused to let him see me cry. I couldn't really reconcile the man in my memories with the one I had known since I woke up in the hospital. Ranger moved in front of me and I nearly crashed into him. I stared down at the carpet. I studied the beige color and inspected my bare feet before I felt his fingers under my chin lifting my head up. He bent to look directly into my eyes, his face close.

"Coming here, getting away from everyone in Trenton and the Burg…I felt like it was just us. I never had you all to myself before. You always feel guilty about Morelli or you are in danger, but not here. When I got here we looked for one day and then that night we made love. After that it was only you and I. It was much more than lust Stephanie." He stepped away.

I watched him as he crossed the room and stood in front of the sliding glass doors. I moved to the bed and sat down. I began folding my clothes while I waited for him to say something more. My life was spinning out of control. I wish I could rewind and forget this whole conversation. I should have stayed quiet and gave myself time to think about what I had found out.

"Stephanie, since the day we met in that little sandwich shop we have been connected. Friendship, mentorship, partnership, lovers we've had it all. I tried to fight my feelings for you. I don't do relationships and I never lied about that. My life is too dangerous, my enemies would go after anyone I cared about just to get at me. Then I kissed you in your parking lot." He stopped again.

"What do you expect to happen when we get home? What do you want from me?" I asked him.

"You are my wife." He remarked.

"Am I? Oh yeah, it's your duty to take care of me." I rolled my eyes.

"Don't brush it off like that Steph. I've always felt a responsibility to you." He shook his head.

"And you worry you won't save me one day. You're worried you can't keep an emotional distance from me." I offered.

"Why are you so angry?" He asked.

"Almost every memory that I have had of you is regret and qualifications for feelings," I told him.

"What things do you regret?" He asked.

"Not me. Well at least I don't think so. It's you. In my memories your face seems full of regret." I informed him.

"How do you know the regret has anything to do with being with you?" He asked.

"I don't. I just don't know. I just see you are pushing me away." I slumped.

"That was a different time." He tried to explain.

"Because everything just suddenly changed here? What the heck happened during our week of hanging out that could have changed everything we had for almost two years?" I folded a shirt.

"We just finally let each other in." He tried to explain. "Finally stopped pushing each other away."

"Then you just suddenly decided it was okay for us to get married? I suddenly wanted to marry you?" I asked.

I had a flash of his face in my mind.

He was smiling. "There are times when I seriously consider marrying you, but then I get yet another black mark on my path to enlightenment and forgiveness and I scratch marriage off my bucket list."

"Really? You think about marrying me?" I asked him.

"Marrying you might be extreme, but once in a while I think about sharing my closet." He admitted.

"You have a really great closet." I beamed.

My mind flashed and I saw him again. This time we were in his apartment.

"This is why I'm not married," Ranger said. "Women ask questions."

"Unh!" I said, smacking my forehead with the heel of my hand. "That's not why you're not married. You're not married because you're … impossible."

He dragged me to him and kissed me, and I felt the kiss travel like lava to my center.

"I have some issues to resolve," he said. No kidding. He gave my ponytail a playful tug and left.

My mind flashed and I saw him again. We were standing together in a ballroom.

The ballroom was empty of people but filled with round tables and chairs. It was set for a wedding party. White tablecloths with huge pink bows and pink and white artificial flower centerpieces, a two-foot riser with a long-decorated table for the bridal party, a smaller round table next to the riser. The smaller table supported a massive wedding cake that was being cooled by a standing fan.

"This is so romantic," I said to Ranger.

"Does it give you ideas?" He wrapped an arm around me, dragged me close against him, and kissed me on the forehead.

"Yes, it gives me ideas, but not about marriage. Mostly about setting fire to this atrocity." I told him.

"Wait just a second. Getting married wasn't something I wanted and you said you had issues to resolve. You said you were on a path to enlightenment and forgiveness." I challenged him.

"I know that's what we told ourselves. I know that's how we felt before, but something changed. I unintentionally made my life more relationship friendly. I guess I finally saw we had a relationship already." He shrugged.

"I don't understand." I stopped folding my clothes.

"I always told myself it wouldn't work, that I would just put you in danger by keeping you around, But the enemies who have surfaced to act against me went after you anyway. They saw what I couldn't." He explained.

"And what was that?" I asked.

"We were already involved. You were already the most important person in my life." He sighed. "There are memories about us you haven't had yet. Like how you are the only woman that's ever been in my apartment. How you have a key fob with access to every part of my building. How you have my complete trust and believe me Babe that's not easily earned."

"All I have seen are the things you have said to push me away. You told me you never lie to me so..." I trailed off

"I don't and I haven't. Just because I felt that way at one time doesn't mean I can't change my mind. It doesn't mean I can't change my life." He shook his head.

"This is a lot of talk about feelings. I didn't think I was capable." I released my own sigh.

"That makes two of us." he agreed.

He reached out and grabbed my shoulder to pull me in for a hug. He kissed the top of my head and I wrapped my arms around his waist. I let myself lean into him as the tension slowly left my body.

"I'm so confused." I spoke against his chest.

"Just don't throw us away so easily. Don't give up on me yet. Give yourself a chance to remember more." He pleaded.

"Okay." I responded quickly.

He pulled back and held onto my shoulders. "Okay?" he asked.

I nodded.

"You'll keep the rings on?" he asked.

"You know Morelli is going to demand I take them off as soon as I get back to Trenton." I rolled my eyes.

"Will you?" he asked.

"We're still married with or without the rings, at least for now." I explained.

"That's not an answer." He tilted his head.

"I'm not sure." I answered honestly.

"Will you come home with me?" he asked.

"No." I told him.

"You're going to Morelli's house?" He asked.

"No." I stated.

"Please don't go to your apartment alone." he begged.

The please that came from his lips did something to me and I felt compelled to go along with his request. If I hadn't already made plans to stay at Hector's place I would be very tempted to go home with Ranger.

"I am going to stay with Hector." I explained.

"Oh." A blank look appeared on his face.

"You're disappointed in me?" I asked.

His hand came up to cup my cheek and he gave his head a slight shake.

"You never disappoint." His voice was soft.

His face was so close to mine. He stared into my eyes as his thumb stroked my cheek. His head tilted and he leaned into me. His lips brushed mine before he pulled back to look at me. He studied my expression and then leaned in again. His mouth covered mine as his other hand slid around my waist. He pulled me hard against him as my lips parted. When his tongue pushed into my mouth a heat quickly spread throughout my body. I wrapped both of my hands around his neck and threw myself into the kiss. His hand moved up and down my spine causing me to arch into him. I moaned into his mouth as my body tingled. After what seemed like forever but not nearly long enough he pulled away. Both of us were panting. I let my forehead fall forward and rest on his chest as his hand stroked through my hair.

"I don't want you to forget me." His breath coasted across the top of my hair.

I chuckled. "How can I forget when I don't even fully remember?"

"Babe." He pulled me away quickly.

He looked at my smiling face before his lips slowly pulled into his own beaming smile. He gave out a breathy laugh before he leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose. He pulled me back in for a quick hug before releasing me. He moved towards the bed and began picking up a shirt of mine before he started to fold it.

"Thank you." I joined him.

"When we get back, if you don't remember anything…" He trailed off.

"What?" I asked.

"Let me take you on a date." He stopped folding.

"A date?" I could feel my forehead wrinkle.

"Yes a date. Let me try to show you what we have now." He insisted.

"Okay." I agreed. "A date."

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