[Warning: SMUT. Also, (unrelated) I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year! Thank you all for reading, and I also wanted to say a big thanks to Sarroush for beta reading these last few chapters :) ]
Benezia felt like crying. "I-"
"Don't. You don't have to say anything," Aethyta mumbled into Benezia's stomach.
"I just can't," she finished anyway.
Benezia felt Aethyta relax the grip she had on her thighs, somehow with a new sense of resignation.
Benezia wanted to make Aethyta feel better, and somehow knowing that she ultimately couldn't, made that want turn into a sudden need. She needed to make Aethyta feel good. Tonight. Right now. Before she might never again have the chance. She nearly laughed at where her mind went almost immediately. But were they still together, and were this any one of their usual fights, she knew exactly how she would go about trying to do that.
Using sex as a salve was something they did far too often when they were together. As if it could mute their heated words and flared tempers; make up for all those dinners cancelled because something more important came up; or somehow reaffirm that intangible something that seemed lost somewhere along the blur of decades gone by.
Benezia was never really sure if it was right for them to so obviously try to fix their problems with something that they must have both known could never offer anything more than a tenuous illusion of resolution. But it certainly always felt right when she was wrapped in Aethyta's arms as they lay together in bed, all their troubles washed away by their hazy afterglow.
Suddenly, it didn't seem like such a bad idea. She tried not to think about how their first attempt at sex of the evening was less than successful. She didn't even bother trying to rationalise that this time would be different—that the transparency of their need and the self-conscious awareness of the complete failure of their relationship at least might help mitigate the potential for hazardous delusions. She didn't rationalise, because she didn't have to; the idea simply felt right.
She only vaguely thought about how easy it was to fall back into old habits as she began to rake her nails gently over the sensitive ridges at the back of Aethyta's neck. She started at the base and slowly made her way up. She could feel Aethyta tense up slightly, her grip tightening again at the back of Benezia's thighs.
"Nezzy, don't torture me," Aethyta said, although she rolled her forehead against Benezia's chest, trying to expose more of her neck to Benezia's searching fingers.
"Let me make you feel good," Benezia said quietly, the words sounding bizarre even to herself.
Aethyta stopped squirming under Benezia's touch as she sat in thought. But Benezia could feel Aethyta's breath pick up at the suggestion, her every exhale brushing lightly against Benezia's stomach. Aethyta then brought a finger to run gently along the inside of Benezia's thigh, almost distractedly, although Benezia still had to hide the slight hitch in her own breath that was triggered by the simple touch.
"Is that what you want?" Benezia prompted further when she got no reply, her fingers having finally reached that spot at the base of Aethyta's skull.
Aethyta pulled Benezia even closer once again, groaning softly before looking up. "Yeah," was her one word response.
A wide range of emotions hit Benezia at once upon hearing that one simple word. She was surprised that relief was the prevailing one, even though doubt was still lurking in the background. She wondered if this was a bad idea at the same time she felt grateful that it seemed to be working.
Aethyta pulled her in for a kiss. It was needy and sloppy, but Benezia felt her body awaken with want, followed quickly by a sobering flash of worry.
"This... can't mean anything more than it is," Benezia said as she pulled away for a second. The sentence felt dark and twisted as each syllable formed around her lips and tongue, and she could only hope that it sounded less so. Nonetheless, she had to be sure.
Aethyta looked into her eyes and nodded.
As Benezia kept her fingers working that spot at the back of Aethyta's neck, she let her other hand idly wander the rest of Aethyta's body: across her collarbone and down her chest, then sweeping along the underside of one of her breasts to pause for a moment to trace light circles around her nipple. Benezia paid close attention to even the smallest noises issuing from Aethtya's lips.
There was something comforting in feeling Aethyta's body like this—knowing exactly where to go and for how long in order to coax out those low grunts that Aethyta would make just as she began to lose herself to pleasure. When her hand finally made its way between Aethyta's legs, Benezia wasn't the least bit surprised to find her clit already stiffened with arousal. As she began to tug at its hood, she felt Aethyta's fingers begin to unconsciously squeeze the flesh at the back of her upper thighs in a slow but regular rhythm. Benezia could feel herself getting wetter, but tried to push the sensation aside.
As Benezia's fingers ventured lower, Aethyta tilted her hips—she had to turn slightly so that the counter could provide some support, but she didn't seem to notice its hard edge digging into her back as Benezia dipped her fingers past her entrance. Benezia brought her newly wet fingers back to Aethyta's clit and began to rub insistent circles over its hard ridge.
"Fuuuck," Aethyta groaned as she pushed her hips into Benezia's hand.
Benezia kept her pace quick and tried not to get too lost in Aethyta's sudden need to touch every part of her body—grabbing, tugging, grasping at any skin available to her. But when Benezia felt Aethyta run a finger along her own slit, she felt a sudden spike of pleasure and quickly grabbed hold of Aethyta's hand with her own that had since abandoned that spot right below Aethyta's crest; Benezia didn't want this to be about her.
Aethyta didn't seem too deterred, but was content for a while to let her hands rest back on Benezia's hips, as she preoccupied herself instead with working her lips over Benezia's chest. Aethyta's attention to her breasts was something that never got old, but when Aethyta finally captured one of Benezia's nipples in her mouth, painting over its already hardened tip with warm swirls of her tongue, Benezia heard her own strangled cry of frustration. It was a noise she wasn't sure she had ever heard from herself, but she felt a sudden pang of anger at her complete inability to control her body's responses as she arched her back, pressing into the sensation. Aethyta knew her too well.
So before she let it go any further, Benezia stopped her own ministrations to push Aethyta back against the counter, completely ignoring her whimper of surprise and disappointment. Benezia pulled Aethyta's hips to the edge of the stool, and thrust two fingers into her wet folds.
Aethyta pulled her close, the muscles of her inner thighs trapping Benezia's hips. As Benezia continued to work her fingers, she could feel the occasional quiver from Aethyta's inner muscles. But it was Aethyta's noises that were intoxicating. Benezia savoured her own feelings of arousal as she listened to every grunt and groan she coaxed forth.
It wasn't long before Benezia could feel Aethyta's mind reaching out. At first, she thought she might be mistaken; Benezia hadn't thought that Aethyta would want the meld, after everything that has happened. She wasn't sure that she would, were she in Aethyta's position—to lay yourself bare in front of the soul that took and took only to leave you broken. And Benezia certainly had taken—there were still parts of Aethyta within her that she might have gladly given back if it would help Aethyta heal were they not now so precious to herself.
So she wanted to be sure she wasn't mistaken; she wanted to be sure this was what Aethyta wanted.
So Benezia felt for her. She had to be careful not to reach out herself; she wanted nothing more than to throw herself open completely and cling to Aethyta for as long as they could make the moment last. But instead, she just felt for her. Benezia brushed up against the edges of Aethyta's mind, trying to ignore the way her own heart started to flutter at the slight feeling of friction between two souls not quite yet in sync. She could also feel a slight shudder run through the body beneath her as Aethyta's biotics surged, surrounding them both in a crackling blue haze. It took Benezia all of her willpower to stop her own biotics from flaring in uncontrolled anticipation, but she managed to keep them in check, not wanting to seem overeager.
If that biotic display hadn't shown Benezia exactly what she wanted to know, by the time she grazed by Aethyta's mind once again, there was no longer any question: Benezia could feel Aethyta open and ready, reaching out slightly as her body responded to each mental touch. That realisation sent a throb of want through Benezia, and she was quickly forgetting any sense of hesitation she might have had.
She repeated the motion, this time pressing more firmly against Aethyta's natural barriers, but still without pushing past. Aethyta's breath accelerated, each inhale shaky but deep, and Benezia could taste the restraint Aethyta had summoned to stop herself from moving deeper as she toyed with the edges of Benezia's mind, tugging and pulling until, goddess help her, Benezia moaned.
Even on the surface, Benezia could feel want and desire soaking through the juncture that still separated Aethyta's mind from hers. And she had no doubt that Aethyta could feel the same. She dragged her own lust through Aethyta's with a slow steadiness that belied the mounting need she could feel at the base of her skull and between her own thighs. Aethyta grunted and her inner muscles clenched around Benezia's fingers as their mingled desires already took on their own combined form in the mental space between them.
Benezia increased the pace of her fingers as she drew back slightly from initiating the meld. She wanted to make this last and knew that if they melded right now, it would all be over far too soon. She was unused to feeling so out of control with only the briefest hints of a meld, and thought that perhaps she could ground Aethyta once again in the physical to give herself time to regain some composure. But the reaction was immediate: Benezia felt a sudden grip on her wrist and heard Aethyta take in a quick gasp.
"Fuck. Don't you dare stop," Aethyta rasped out against the side of Benezia's crest.
Stop? Benezia couldn't imagine such a foolish thing. She brought her forehead to rest on Aethyta's, and she looked into her eyes, all too aware of how much she wanted this as she inhaled short gasps of Aethyta's exhaled breath. Aethyta's hand was still gripping her wrist, but Benezia maintained her pace as she leaned in for another deep, desperate kiss.
Aethyta sent a pulse of want that nearly joined them completely as she pushed Benezia's fingers even deeper inside her. As they continued to kiss, Benezia let go of any last fading strands of self- restraint and allowed her own biotics to rein free right alongside Aethyta's, the combined effect making every nerve in her body seem to tingle with anticipation.
And as their souls finally collided, Benezia cried out in pleasure, the sensation of Aethyta overwhelming her senses briefly but completely. She only became vaguely aware of the edge of the counter digging into Aethyta's back, and even the strain in the muscles of her own forearm suddenly seemed dulled. But she could feel her own fingers as they curled fast and hard, as well as the sensation of her breasts being squeezed and her nipples pinched and knew that it was the work of Aethyta's hands even though she could feel the weight of her breasts in her own. Benezia drew out groans from them both as her fingers continued to move and she finally added her thumb against Aethyta's clit in circles that were far from precise; but it didn't matter, because soon they moved deeper—goddess, it was never deep enough—and any distinctions between them faded completely.
Deeper still, they soon hurtled over the edge, and as muscles clenched and unclenched with every powerful wave that was sent through them, they barely heard their combined shouts that rang through the tiny apartment as their climax peaked.
They maintained as much of the meld as possible as the last few gentle spasms rolled through their bodies. Spent, but warm and comfortable, they collapsed into each other, their minds still joined as they caught their breath.
Coming down from the climax of a meld was always a slightly disorienting task, as one is forced to reacquaint oneself with the awareness of one's own body and thoughts. Although Benezia would have gladly spent the rest of the night in Aethyta's mind, she didn't linger any longer than was necessary to be sure that they both had a sufficient awareness of their respective selves; she knew that any such lingering inevitably draws out emotions and memories that are clear and identifiable in a way that would never be possible at the height of the meld. Benezia wasn't sure if she was afraid of what she might find in Aethyta or what Aethyta might find in herself, but she didn't want to risk anything that might jeopardise this moment. So she withdrew as gently as possible, trying to send one last wave of reassurance and love as she closed off her mind.
Benezia became suddenly aware of the cold sheen of sweat that had broken out across her back as well as the ache in her forearm and wrist. Aethyta still had her back against the counter, and had brought her elbows back to help prop herself up. Her eyes were closed, and she had let her head fall back, relaxed, as her breathing gradually returned to normal. Benezia withdrew her fingers slowly and then began to stretch them against the palm of her other hand. Aethyta made a noise somewhere between a hum and a groan as she lifted her head to look at Benezia, who was still standing between her legs.
Benezia watched her carefully, and was a little surprised when Aethyta broke out into a wide grin. The grin was infectious, and Benezia found herself smiling back, suddenly feeling unnaturally happy.
And as Benezia continued rolling out her wrist, and Aethyta stretched out her back, squeezing her shoulder blades together a few times, they laughed.