Grab your tissue boxes ladies and gents. This is some pretty angsty chiz. I actually teared up as I wrote it.

Disclaimer: *too busy crying to say that I don't own iCarly or Katy Perry's Thinking of You*

YOU.

.

.

.

In which we find a letter that was never sent…

Freddie,

Everything he does makes me think of you.

He took me to that Italian restaurant for dinner and all I could remember was our first date. He pushed me into a photo-booth and I pretended that it was you I was making silly faces into the camera with. He bought me a new PearPod and I thought about the one you gave me for our six month anniversary. He took me to meet his family and they liked me, yet all I could think of was how much your crazy mother hated me.

Comparisons are easily done once you had a taste of perfection. Like an apple hanging from a tree I picked the ripest one but still got the seed. You said move on where do I go? I guess second best is all I will know.

He gave me a bouquet of red roses and I had to fight a frown because you always remembered that I like the yellow ones better. He brought me a salad at lunch the other day and I thought about how you would always bring me ham. He downloaded pop songs onto my PearPod for me, forgetting that I liked rock and alternative music better. You never forgot. He took me to the beach and I acted like I had fun, even though you know how much I hate the ocean after watching my dad drown when I was ten.

You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter. Like a hard candy with a surprise center. How do I get better when I've had the best? You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test.

He never lets me eat whatever I want. He never wakes up at three in the morning to go to Mall-Mart and buy me ham. He never lets me wrestle him; he thinks I'll hurt myself. He never lets me hang out with my own friends, we're always with his. He never lets me go out in just a T-shirt and jeans, only fancy tops and skirts. He never agrees to my crazy plans. You did all those things for me.

He kissed my lips I taste your mouth. He pulls me in I feel disgusted with myself.

The first time he kissed me there were no sparks, like the ones I felt the first time I kissed you. His kisses are demanding and rough. Your kisses were soft and sweet. His hands are everywhere, groping, and grabby. You always asked for permission before touching me. He likes kissing me in public, like he's marking his territory. You liked kissing me when it was just the two of us; it was more special that way.

You're the best, and yes, I do regret how I could let myself let you go. Now the lessons learned; I touched, and I was burned. I think you should know.

He forces me to kiss him. He forces me to let him touch me. He forces me to sleep with him. When I don't listen to him, he hits me. He hits me so hard. But I deserve it. I put you through a lot of shit, and this is my punishment.

'Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you. Thinking of you, what you would do if you were the one who was spending the night. Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes…

I should've never left you, Freddie. I see that now. I'm sorry. But after what I did, I know you'll never take me back. But remember, I'll always love you.

Won't you walk through and bust in the door and take me away? No more mistakes. 'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay.

Your beautiful chocolate brown eyes; they will be the last thing I remember when I go. I love you, Freddie.

Goodbye.

Love you always and forever,

Sam

"This just in. Teenage girl found dead underneath a bridge. Cause of death is believed to be suicide. The body was identified as Samantha Puckett, co-host of the popular web-show iCarly. More on that on the eleven 'o clock news..."

Freddie, Carly, and Spencer stared at the television screen. Carly was the first to speak.

"Wha – I can't belie –" she took a shaky breath "- Sam's d-dead?" She whispered the last word in disbelief. She burst into tears. Spencer, with tears streaking his own face, pulled his little sister into his arms, lightly rubbing circles on her back, trying to console her.

"Shh… It's – it's going to be o-okay." It sounded as if the eldest Shay was trying to reassure himself more than his sister.

Freddie gritted his teeth and felt the hot sting of tears in his eyes. "No." He clenched his fists. "It's not going to be okay. Sam's dead. It will never be okay." He rose and swung his arm out wildly. His swing knocked over a glass that was sitting on the coffee table. Its shatter sent Carly into further hysterics.

Freddie sank to his knees and felt the two Shay siblings wrap their arms around him. He sobbed onto Carly's shoulder. "She's gone. And it's all my fault. I should've never let her go with that douche bag. I should've never given up… It's all my fault…"

The three people in that living room have never felt a pain worse than the one they were feeling now.

It rained on the day of Sam Puckett's funeral. But that was okay, because Sam always said she loved the rain. A lot of people were at the funeral; Freddie and his mom, Carly and Spencer, Pam Puckett, students from Ridgeway… everyone. Sam's Uncle Carmine and Cousin Jaz were even granted a break from prison in order to grieve over their favorite family member. There were a lot of strangers attending the funeral as well; most of them were iCarly fans that were all heartbroken over the loss of the high-spirited blonde.

Only one person seemed to be missing from that congregation, the loser who had driven Sam to her death. Sam's family and friends didn't even have to bother banning him from the funeral; after Sam's death, he had disappeared, made a run for it, afraid he would be charged for all the things he did to her.

After the casket had been lowered into the ground (accompanied by fresh tears and pain) people slowly started parting, soon leaving only Sam's closest friends and family at her grave. Freddie sat at the foot of the simple white marble headstone and the rest of the company floated away from him, giving him time to say goodbye.

He placed a yellow rose atop the white marble and ran his fingers along it, tracing out the letters engraved on there.

In Memory of Sam Puckett

April 17, 1993 to October 17, 2011

Daughter, Best Friend, Sister

~ We Love You, Sam ~

He let the tears stream unashamedly down his cheeks. He leaned his forehead on the cool marble. He let out a weary breath. "I'm sorry for allowing you to leave me, Sam. I should've never let you go." He laid his palms flat into the freshly laid grass and then dug his fingers into it, as if trying to connect with the girl he loved that was buried below it. Tears clouded up his vision.

"Remember Sammy, I'll always be thinking of you."

Mk, so basically, Sam and Freddie were dating. Sam cheated on Freddie and then left him for that other guy. The guy turned out to be super controlling and he started abusing Sam, causing her to go into a state of mind where she thought she wasn't good enough to live. Before she killed herself, she wrote that letter to Freddie, which she never sent him, fearing that he didn't feel the same about her anymore. Then she jumped off a bridge and died. Damn.

My best friend, Allan, walked into my room while I was writing this and he saw that I was sort of tearing up.

Allan: Dude, are you crying?

Me: *attempting to hide the screen* (nobody knows I write fanfiction) No, you asshat, I'm just... a little teary.

Allan: Uh, okay... I'm just gonna... *slowly backs out of the room*

Yep, true story.

Anyways, hope this story got you all teary eyed...

Leave a review please!

Love,

DEETRIXJAAY :3