It's been a while, did ya miss me?

Chapter 9: Rival Match

Maria was stunned, likely paralyzed by some mysterious force known as the pause button, but she wasn't going to let this ruin her life! As the screen unpaused, she ran outside with sonic speed that rivaled her very first chapter.

Before Dexie could be a ruinous paragraph maker, Maria was outside and Jenn was already waiting. Dag nab bit!

As much as Dexie wanted to have this woman's lesbian android babies, something troubled her as per usual. "So… how did you get out here before we did? Maria practically pulled a Skitty Pride move and phased through the walls to get here. It's an exhilarating experience for sure, but it causes my circuit menst… uh I mean my internet connections to go haywire! ……… Has anyone seen my closing quotation mark?"

Dext grinned, "Need a lift, sweetie?" he asked the female dictionary, "I've got some binary. We can make some ones and o's! I'll give you a life!" he spoke casually, before suddenly realizing that the 'e' key was too close to the 't.'

Dexie laughed, "YOU need a life. You're never getting any from this girl!"

Dext frowned, (or he would have if he had a face) but Dexie laughed, "Actually… maybe you can help me… I'll explain more in private messages later. For now, we gotta help this lame fight!"

Dext grumbled impatiently, but complied, "Alright you potential booty calls, the fight is four on four. By which I mean there's four of us…" suddenly nobody cared, not even the narrative!

Maria grinned readily, though on the inside she was nervous. Sure, she had Mary Sueism on her side and Maria KNEW IT! Even still, she was scared that her rival did have better trained Pokemons. "I'll start with Spearow!"

Jen shrugged, wondering where the extra n in her name disappeared off to, "I'll start with Cyndaquil!" She felt a strange twinge in her stomach as she noticed the exclamation point go up.

Maria began this battle with a peck, and in doing so, seemed awfully sweet, but the kiss on her rival's cheek was a BIT uncalled for. Then, the narration corrected it and sent the Spearow in to peck at the enemy fire mouse.

The mouse was ready, and read the move perfectly. Then again, everyone seemed to backread a few chapters… everyone…

Okay, RANT TIME! It's like having Chekov's theories thrown in your face. If there's a gun, it's already shouting a lullaby while stealing spotlight for the lulz! After doing so, it too will clearly scream, "IMMA COME BACK" and nobody will be surprised beyond the shock value that he has returned… with laser plastered sombreros on its feet… and you'll forget that it's a gun and thusly has no feet to begin with! So ha! Joke's on you. I ownd j00! I… where was I again?!

Oh yea, the Cyndaquil wondered why the two humans were making both love and war at the same time, but proceeded to use Leer as ordered. I don't get sidetracked at all!

In turn, Spearow leered, and then Cyndaquil leered, and then Spearow used another peck, then *yawn* Cyndaquil tried an ember, which didn't taste very good, and then… and then *snore.* Too much rant sauce makes me sl…… *snore*

"Ah, Dang it! Looks like the narrator was put to sleep by our fight. What a way to go! Now we can only control this fight through dialogue until he's fixed."

"Which of you said that?"

"I dunno. I think I'm Dexterity, but I'm not feeling as horny as I probably should. Perhaps if we all scream loud enough…"

And indeed, they screamed, they screamed so loud that it was the shout heard around the world, the way only a Mary Sue and her rival villain could create.

"Hey!" Jenn demanded, "I am NOT a bad guy!"

"You're right," Dext said with a silky tone, "you're not a bad guy. You're a naughty girl. It's against protocall to hurt humans, but you could use a spanking every once in a while. Even your mother would be hot!"

Jenn snarled and then Dext was shouting on pain from somewhere on the ground, "my mother's in spirit jail you insensitive machine!"

Maria gasped, "Jenn, I… I didn't know. Why didn't…" Maria was stunned and unable to reply.

Jenn nodded, "it's alright Maria," she said, as both characters jumped OOC.

Maria shakes her head, "since when did you develop a deep backstory?"

A loud slap was heard as the camera returned to late to see it, "feel my implied slap, you insensitive jerk!" That was of course, Jenn, well deservedly providing the smackdown.

Dext was swooning, "that slap that nobody actually saw was pretty hot!"

Maria shrugged, "can we resume the fight. I sense another human arriving soon and if we don't…"

"Dude!" it was too late. Brad was already upon them in all his surfer voicedness… I guess he DOES need a team review, right? It's only fair after all, even if it is Brad hate central, damn dreamo.

Brad's starter is Totodile… yick! Sadly with DP's special split, the more awesome of teh Johto starters. With him is a Phanpy, a Geodude, a Beedrill and an Ekans. Brad really gets around, doesn't he? What is it with major characters in Dilasc stories always having a few poison types? Doesn't he know poison is the weakest type?

"Dilasc logic will confuse you," Dexie explained to the narrator, "just watch out for rainclouds of a different variety..."

Jenn blinked, "are we at the end of the chapter already? I feel like NOTHING HAPPENED!"

"Nothing did happen, my love," Dexie replied, "we need to await the next epis… chapter!"

By teh way, Dilasc has plans for poison types... you've been warned. This narration brought to you at gunpoint, because the author really IS insane. But you already knew that. Cya next time... I hope.