Oh my god, it's been forever. First off, I am so so sorry for abandoning this story for years. I didn't mean to, I had every intention of completing this story. But I started writing this when I was just halfway through high school, and now I am halfway through college (that's insane!). Between working full time and being a full time student, completing this wasn't super high on my list of priorities clearly.
I got an email recently notifying me of a new review on this story, I suddenly remembered that I totally left this on a cliffhanger and I felt inspired to type up a whole chapter in one sitting. It feels so good to write something for fun again!
Thank you all so much for sticking around for so long and waiting so patiently. I hope that this chapter isn't a total disappointment. Thank you all for your kind reviews, I greatly appreciate it.
I wanted to offer some sort of explanation for the direction of this story. After some consideration, I decided that there really wasn't much that I wanted to change about the rest of Catching Fire so rather than just retype up Suzanne Collin's beautiful work on here, I decided to fast forward a bit to the night that the Victors are rescued in Mockingjay.
I know that book Katniss is a bit more badass, out fighting and training and whatnot, but this Katniss is a little bit more focused on Peeta. So she is of course a little out of character.
Anyways, thank you all again and I hope you enjoy this chapter. I promise more will be coming soon!
*DISCLAIMER* I own absolutely nothing, all of the characters and ideas in this story belong to the lovely Suzanne Collins.
Happy reading :)
It must be midnight.
It must be midnight, it must be tomorrow when Haymitch opens the door. "They're back. We're wanted in the hospital." My mouth opens with a flood of questions that he cuts off with "That's all I know."
We run, suddenly charged with determination and excitement. But part of me is horrified at what I'm going to find. I have to see him, though. And nothing will stop me.
I'm well out of breath when we reach the hospital, which is in a state of chaos. Doctors shout orders and wounded are wheeled around on their beds. We're sideswept by a gurney bearing an unconscious, emaciated young woman with shaved head. Her flesh shows bruises and oozing scabs. Johanna Mason.
Haymitch leads us down a hall, and through a doorway I catch of short glimpse of Gale. A nurse pulls something from under his skin with a pair of tweezers, but he doesn't flinch. I want to thank him, but the door shuts before I can even open my mouth.
"Finnick!" Something between a shriek and a cry of joy. A lovely if somewhat bedraggled woman - dark hair, sea green eyes - runs towards us in nothing but a sheet. "Finnick!" And suddenly its as if there's no one in the world but these two, crashing through space to reach each other. They collide, enfold, lose their balance, and slam against a wall, where they stay. Clinging into one being. Indivisible.
A pang of jealousy hits me, which is irrational because I am hopeful that in just moments I will have the same reunion with Peeta. I pry my eyes off of them, start towards Boggs. He's exhausted, but unharmed. "We got them all out. Peeta's at the end of the hall. The effects of the gas are just wearing off. You should be there when he wakes."
My heart skips a few beats. Peeta. Alive and well - maybe not well but alive and here. Away from Snow. Safe. Here. With me. In just a minute I can touch him. See his smile. Hear him laugh.
I'm lightheaded in anticipation but Haymitch drags me forward. Opens the door. For a moment, time freezes. My eyes scan over the doctors shining lights into his eyes, checking his pulse, reassuring him that he's safe. He stands on shaking legs. He looks so bewildered, so broken, that it shatters my heart. "Peeta." I barely whisper, my own legs turning to jelly. Still, I force myself to get closer. The doctors give me one look, then move out of my way.
Peeta finally meets my gaze. His eyes, that beautiful blue that I've missed so much meet my own. "Peeta," I say again, louder. Tears threaten to spill over my eyelids. He's here. He's okay. I reach my hand out to caress his face, so gentle as to not hurt him. He just stares at me, his mouth slightly open as if he's trying to find what to say.
Before he has a chance to speak, I fling myself towards him and just melt into his embrace. His arms circle me tightly as I begin to sob into his chest. He starts weeping, resting his cheek on top of my head. He feels so fragile that I am afraid that I will shatter him into a million pieces if I squeezed hard enough, but there is nothing that will pry me from him in this moment.
He's shaking so badly that his legs buckle but I won't let him go and we crash to the floor. We hold each other for minutes, days, years. When I feel like I have drained by body of any fluid I begin to unlock my arms from around him, but only slightly, so that I can look up at his face.
The first thing I notice is that the bones of his face are much more prominent, and his cheeks are hollow like the morphlings in the arena. Bruises cover his face and he has cuts on his chin and his eyebrow. As if I will break him, I gently bring my hand to the side of his face and caress the purple flesh. "Katniss," he whispers. Hearing his voice again, in person, makes my heart skip a beat. "I've been dreaming of this for weeks. I can't believe you're really here."
My eyes immediately well up and suddenly tears are streaming down my face again. Well, turns out there is still some water left in me. I lean forward and press a light kiss to his lips, afraid to go any further out of fear that I will hurt him. I pull away and press another kiss to the tip of his nose, and another to the bruise on his cheekbone. I can taste the saltwater on my lips.
I open my mouth to tell him about everything I've been through in his absence, all of those nights spent hiding in closets. All of the fear, tension, and misery I felt knowing that he was being tortured for information that he didn't even have. But before I can get any words out, Peeta is kissing me.
I'm suddenly transported back in time to the beach in the arena, the last time that we kissed like this. A warm, delicious feeling floods through me and I feel so at peace for the first time in far longer than I can remember.
We are both ready to tear each other's clothes off before a there's a knock on the door and Haymitch stumbles in.
"I thought I'd give you two some privacy for a bit but I needed to see the boy for myself," he says. He seems indifferent to the fact that we are tangled together and slightly out of breath. I audibly groan, frustrated with Haymitch's presence, and untangle myself from Peeta. I stand up and hold my hands out to help him up.
It takes a great deal of effort to get him standing again, and once I manage to get him back up on his shaking legs, Haymitch has to help me get him to the bed.
"What'd they do to you boy?" he grunts. "I think you overdid it Katniss," he says gruffly, though there is a softer tone in his voice. Peeta is pale and sweating. I lay him down and sit next to him on the bed, taking one of his hands in both of mine. Haymitch opens his mouth to say something, but I never find out what because at the same moment Peeta's eyes roll back into his head and his limbs go rigid.
"Peeta?" I yell. "Peeta!" My heart stops in my chest and I become hysterical. Haymitch runs out the door to get help and a dozen doctors pour in. I am screaming and crying as Haymitch literally rips me away from Peeta, but I hold onto his hand as if it is my lifeline. At this point, I think it is. Haymitch tosses me over his shoulder as if I am a sack of flour from Peeta's bakery and hauls me and my flailing limbs away from the room.
He sets me down in the hallway and holds me tightly, ignoring the fact that I am screaming my head off and squirming to break free. My eyes lock on Peeta's rigid body through the glass window on the door and I watch as he starts to convulse on the bed before the doctor's roll him to his side as he starts to spew vomit.
The room starts to spin and I faint in Haymitch's arms.
I awake in a hospital room of my own, disoriented and confused. Memories of reuniting with and kissing Peeta surface and only add to the confusion. Was I dreaming?
Prim sits at my bedside. "Katniss, you're awake," she says. She sounds both concerned and relieved. My mother is here as well. She sits in a chair beside Prim. They are quiet for a moment, waiting for me to say something. The first thing out of my mouth is "Peeta?"
"He's okay, Katniss," my mother says soothingly. She reaches over to me to brush some hair from my forehead. I can't remember the last time she did that. "He had a seizure. His doctors are running tests to find out why."
"Can I see him?" I ask. I sit up a little straighter in my hospital bed, ready to go to him. My mother looks at Prim and gives her head a slight shake. "Not yet, maybe tomorrow. We need to talk about something first."
I feel my stomach sink. Visions of terrible things run through my mind, my brain going straight for the worst possible scenarios involving Peeta. I imagine her telling me that Peeta's memories of me have been wiped after his seizure, and that he no longer loves me. I imagine her telling me that Peeta is still alive, but only barely and fighting to breathe on his own. I feel like I am prepared for the worst, but I couldn't be more wrong.
"After you fainted, the medical staff ran some diagnostic tests to rule out anything aside from emotional stress. You probably only fainted because of the shock you felt after you reunited with Peeta. But there's something else," she takes a deep breath. "Katniss, you're pregnant." She drops her gaze to the floor. Much like when Peeta announced this news to the entire world during his interview with Caesar, my immediate reaction is confusion. My brain is spinning faster than the Cornucopia in the Quell and I can't quite process what she is telling me. But realization slowly sets in and I carefully consider what this means.
If someone had asked me a week ago what the scariest moments of my life were, I would have no shortage of options to choose from. Hearing the alarms that signaled the mine explosion that killed my father? Running from the monkey mutts in the Quell? Watching Peeta's body be thrown from the forcefield? Seeing President Snow sitting at my desk in my home? Finding out that Peeta has been plucked from my grasp and taken directly to Snow to be tortured?
All of those moments pale in comparison to this moment, right now. It was a terrifying thought when Peeta announced this the night before the Quell. It wasn't real then, though. Now it is.
Is this not the very reason why I avoided love all of these years? The fear of bringing a child into a world like this, knowing that I could someday watch them die in the arena, was reason enough for me to avoid boys altogether. I did a good job of it too, until the first Games when I was forced into a romance with Peeta.
It wasn't enough for the audience though. Peeta and I both knew what would eventually happen, that we could only buy ourselves time before Snow forced us to have children. An extravagant Capitol wedding was planned for us, and we were married. Then such a short time later, the Quell is announced. I was prepared to die for Peeta. Willing to, even. I hadn't anticipated a reality in which both of us would make it out of the Quell alive. This is why I gave myself to him so willingly. I no longer feared bringing children into the world because was going to die. That close to the Quell, we both deserved a taste of bliss.
That bliss came at the ultimate price. I am going to be a mother.
I am too numb to react. The only thing I feel is hatred for myself. How could I have been so stupid? So blindsided by my feelings for Peeta?
Common sense tells me that I must be at least a couple of months pregnant at this point, since Peeta and I hadn't slept together since before the Quell.
For what seems like the millionth time since I was taken to District 13, I am a weeping mess of emotions. I suppose that all makes sense now though.
Prim curls up beside me as I sob, and my mother holds my hand. What am I going to do?
I have to tell Peeta. Imagining Peeta's excitement only makes me cry harder, because he's delusional enough to believe that we could raise a child in the middle of a rebellion. Especially when this child's parents are the faces of this rebellion.
Once I am calm enough to listen, my mother confirms that I am now two months pregnant. She tells me that it is normal to not have had any symptoms at this point, she has seen mothers who have given birth without having any indication that they had been pregnant at all.
Prim tells me how excited she is to be an aunt, and that although it seems scary now, this child will be a blessing and I'll understand when they arrive.
After what seems like just minutes but is probably hours, Prim is called to another part of the hospital where she is needed to assist in a surgery. She gives me a long hug before leaving, and on her way out I can't help but notice how much she has grown up in the last year. Gone are the days where I tuck in her shirt for her, or attempt to braid her hair before school. My ability to be a mother may be questionable, but Prim truly is going to be a wonderful aunt.
Once she is gone, my mother becomes more serious.
"Katniss, I want you to know that here in 13, you have options. If you want to, there are plenty of families who are willing to adopt a child. We can keep your condition discreet, limited to only those who need to know, and you can give your child to someone else. There is also the option of termination," she says in an even tone. She sounds almost robotic, like she is reciting this speech to a patient and not to her daughter.
I take a moment to think about the possibility of giving this baby away or getting rid of it altogether. No, I can't do that. Can I?
"You have some time to decide, but the sooner the better." Her face takes on a sad expression. I can't help but wonder if someone gave her the same options nearly eighteen years ago, when she discovered that she was pregnant with me.
Eventually, my mother leaves too and I am left to wallow in misery alone. Not for long though, because later that evening I am greeted by an unexpected visitor.
Gale.
"Hey, Catnip," he says as he takes a seat next to me. "I heard you were locked up in here again." It's been weeks since I've seen him, since he told me what happened to 12 after I woke up here after the Quell. Since the announcement of my engagement to Peeta and our consequential wedding, contact with my best friend turned pretend cousin has been minimal. He spent Sundays hunting for his family and I spent them trying on wedding dresses and "helping" my prep team pick out lipstick colors. Since we've been in 13, he's been training to be a soldier and I have been hiding in closets, swathed in stranger's clothes, dreaming of my husband.
"Thank you, Gale," I tell him. "Thank you for saving him." Thanking him for risking his life to save the boy I ran off with is the very least I could do.
"Well, I couldn't let you run around with that 'mentally unstable' wristband forever," he jokes. "Besides, I decided that there isn't a point to either of us avoiding each other anymore. You chose him."
All I say is "yes". I have chosen Peeta, really. Like I told Peeta before the Quell, even if Snow hadn't forced us to get married I still would've ended up with him. Gale doesn't mention my newfound pregnancy, and I realize that it may be because he hasn't been briefed yet. I decide to keep my mouth shut, at least until I can tell Peeta and we can figure something out.
"You know, I was hurt for a long time," he tells me. "I couldn't figure out whether or not it was real or just for show. But I can see now that you really love him."
"I do," I reply. "We had a toasting the night before the Quell," I admit. I realize that this is the first time I've told anyone this, even Prim. I assume Haymitch probably knows because Peeta and I made no effort to clean up our mess, but he has never asked and I have never told him.
I expect more of a reaction from Gale, but he just gives me a half smile. "I thought Katniss Everdeen would never get married."
I smile. "I thought so too. I guess he crept up on me." I reflect on my conversation with Finnick last night. He told me that he hadn't loved Annie right away, that she had crept up on him. I didn't understand what he meant, but I think I do now.
"What are you now, a general?" I ask him, poking his chest with my finger. He laughs. It feels so good to have my best friend back, no longer separated by unrealistic expectations and guilt.
"Not quite. Just a soldier. I can't tell you this, but since you're the Mockingjay I think my secret is safe. I'm training for a special mission."
Well, my interest is piqued. "What kind of mission?"
"I don't know the details yet. I'm told that it's called the Star Squad, they're compiling their best soldiers to take down Snow."
I'm offended that I wasn't invited to join this Star Squad. "I want in."
Gale laughs. "Talk to Plutarch Heavensbee, I don't think he wants his precious 'symbol-of-the-rebellion' to be on the front lines."
"That's not his decision," I scowl. "Snow tortured Peeta and the other Victors for weeks. I want him to suffer."
"You really want to march off into battle so soon? I just got Peeta back for you," Gale says, only half-joking. He pulls down the collar of his shirt to reveal a bandage on his shoulder. I gasp.
"You were shot?" He pulls his collar back up but doesn't say anything.
"You need to stay here, Catnip. You've done enough fighting, I think you need to rest."
Maybe he has been informed on my condition. I make a mental note to scold my sister.
"Gale," I start, but my eyes are already welling up with tears. Not even Gale can distract me from the terror I feel. He of all people understands my fear of being a mother the most. We had this conversation in the woods just a year or so ago, before Prim was reaped and I volunteered. Has it only been a year? It feels like a lifetime.
"Rest, Catnip," he tells me. "I'll see what I can do." He presses a kiss to the top of my head before slipping out the door on silent hunter's feet.
When the lights are turned down and the usual chaos of the hospital has dulled, I slip out of bed and tiptoe down the hall in my hospital-issued socks. Even if I am not supposed to see him until tomorrow, there is nothing that can prevent me from trying.
Luckily for me, the hospital here in 13 isn't that big and it's only minutes before I am standing outside of Peeta's room. I am suddenly overcome with nerves, though I don't know why. It isn't like we haven't snuck into each other's rooms before. If anything, it's much less scandalous now that we're married.
I gently push open the door and soak in the sleeping figure before me. It's dark in here, but I can just make out his face. He's so much thinner than he was just months ago, and his skin is greyed. The bruises aren't limited to his face, but spread all over his exposed arms as well. My heart aches just looking at what Snow did to him.
Tubes hang out of his arm and connect him to some machines that measure his heart rate and breathing. He's sleeping so peacefully that I don't dare wake him, so instead I scoot a chair up to the edge of his bed and sit in it. I lay my head down beside his arm and just stare at his fingers, remembering a time not too long ago when he sat beside me and meticulously drew in new additions to our plant book after I hurt my ankle.
His steady breathing and calming presence are enough to lull me to sleep, and for the first time since his capture I don't have a single nightmare.
I wake up to the sound of Peeta's voice, and at first I am sure that I must be dreaming. It isn't until I feel his hand on my arm that I remember that he's back. I bolt upright and look up at his smiling face. "Oh, Peeta," I say. "How are you feeling?" Here come the tears again. I'm such a mess.
"I'm okay, really. Much better now that you're here. My doctors insist on keeping us apart for some reason."
"Well, no more of that. I'm not leaving your side," I tell him. I stand up so I can kiss his forehead. "I thought I was dreaming at first, when I woke up just now."
"Did you dream about me?" There's some level of disbelief in his voice.
"Every night," I say. "It was unbearable without you." It's only after it's out of my mouth that I realize how insensitive I must sound. He was tortured!
He doesn't mention it though. He opens his arms and without thinking I climb into bed with him. It feels so impossibly good to be curled up with him, my head on his chest. He snakes his arm around my waist and rests the other at his side so he doesn't disturb the dozen wires that he is connected to.
"The doctors tell me that it is going to be a while until I leave the hospital," he says.
"You scared me, Peeta." I admit. "I thought you were dying."
"I heard you fainted," he says, concerned.
I roll my eyes. My fainting is nothing compared to the image of Peeta vomiting and convulsing on his bed. "I did."
"Since when are you scared of anything?" he asks playfully.
"The only thing I am scared of is losing you, Peeta." Which is mostly true. I am also terrified of the child that is growing in my belly. I can't tell him yet though. Not until I've decided.
His voice takes on a softer, more serious tone. "I love you, Katniss. I know it seems silly to even say that after all we've been through, but I didn't think I'd ever see you again and I don't ever want to go another day without telling you that."
Normally, this sort of sappy romantic stuff would induce vomit. But I'm beginning to accept the fact that Peeta somehow always manages to turn me into a mushy mess so instead of feeling annoyed like sixteen year old me would, I feel my heart speed up a little. When was the last time he told me that he loved me?
I tilt my head up a little and press a kiss to his chin. "I love you," I tell him. I wrap my leg around his a little tighter and he draws circles on my upper back with the tip of his finger. "I can't wait until we have a little more privacy," he whispers as his hand dips lower and lower on my back. Goosebumps cover my flesh and I find myself wishing we had more privacy too. What's the harm? I'm already pregnant.
I let him distract me from everything that is weighing on me right now. I just need a moment with him, alone and peaceful and unthreatened by our impending deaths or my motherhood.
We just hold each other in silence for a while, and I realize how easy it is to forget the world. It all still feels like some sort of dream having him back. It's surreal.
We lie like this, undisturbed, for a few hours in the dark before doctors and nurses start coming in. They throw a fit at the sight of me snuggled up to Peeta, accusing us both of disobeying doctor's orders. I won't budge though, and it takes a whole team of mental health doctors to decide whether or not it is more beneficial or harmful for Peeta and I to be together.
Finally, a stern doctor named Dr. Aurelius is the one to make the determination. "Oh, just let them be. As long as they are careful, what harm can be done?"
From then on, I am allowed to sleep in Peeta's hospital room. We aren't allowed to be in the same bed, so a cot is provided for me. But once Peeta's feeling a little better, and the number of wires connected to him slowly starts to dwindle, we find ourselves tangled together every night.
The fear of being walked in on or provoking another seizure prevents us from taking things any further than just a few kisses every so often. But once all of the necessary testing has been done and any severe brain damage has been ruled out, he is given a more private hospital room to stay in as he continues to recover.
Just a few days after Peeta's rescue, the possibility of him having another seizure is determined to be very slim and we take every opportunity we can to celebrate. We spend our nights rediscovering one another, and I realize in these moments just how deprived I have been of the feeling of his skin on mine in the dark.
Afterwards, we just lie there together while he tries to sleep and while I try to calm the rising hysteria in my chest. It's far too soon for me to start showing now, but how much longer do I have until my belly starts to grow and Peeta notices? It's not like I can hide anything from him when we are like this.
I know it's selfish of me to keep this from him, but I just can't tell him about this until I know for sure I am keeping it. I'm just not ready to make that decision yet. Not until I the world this child is born into is safe.
One week after Peeta's rescue, as I listen to his breathing while he sleeps, I make my decision. I will keep this baby on one condition: I kill Snow and end this war.
Only then will Peeta's child be safe.
Is this pregnancy plot twist extremely unoriginal and overdone? Yep. But I went there anyways. Trust me though, it's important for the rest of my story.
Midterms are coming up soon so I won't have a ton of time to come up with another chapter for a little while, but I promise it won't be three years before I submit the next one. (sorry again!)
I hope you all enjoyed! Feel free to leave me a review and let me know what you think!
-dandilyon