Thank you for reading. Please see A/N at the bottom regarding alternate posting location.

Chapter author: karenec

Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight.

Chapter 10

You sure you want to be with me?
I've nothing to give.
Won't lie and say this loving's best,
Leave us in emotional peace.
Mmm, take a walk take a rest, a taste of rest.
"Overcome" - Tricky

"I want him dead. And I want you to help me kill him."

Bella's words ran through my head on a loop, beating in time to the sound of our steps on the trail, the waves in the harbor, the cries of the birds flying overhead. The soft, young girl at my side was asking me to kill the monster who haunted her darkest dreams.

I said nothing while my rage against the man, Jimmy, bloomed inside me. Instead, I watched Bella's reactions as she waited for my answer. She looked pale and ill for a moment before a riot of color flooded her face.

"Did you hear me?" She pushed her words out past clenched teeth. "Say something, Edward."

I was quiet a moment longer, listening to the pounding of her heart before nodding back in the direction we had come. "I heard you. Walk back into town with me and we'll talk some more."

I could sense Bella's impatience as we moved along the trail, in the way she rubbed her fingers together and in her quick breaths. But I could not speak until I felt ready.

The parking lot where we had parked was visible when Bella gave in to her impatience. Her voice was low and only slightly unsteady when she spoke. "Edward, I really need to know; will you help me?"

"Help you what, Bella?" I asked, turning my eyes on her again. "Help you find Jimmy? Or help you kill him?"

"Help me make sure that what happened to me doesn't happen to anyone else," she said, her eyes hard with bitterness. "Help me forget about what that monster did to me."

She can't be serious.

I faced her, wanting so much to take her hand in mine. To make her understand that I was there for her, even when I said things that she did not like. "Bella, recruiting me to kill Jimmy isn't going to make you forget what happened. Whatever happens to him, those memories are in your head."

"You're right," she murmured, taking a step closer. Her scent swirled around me in the breeze and I held my breath to control my body's response. "I can't forget. But I can try to feel better."

"And a dead Jimmy will make you feel better?"

"Hell, yes."

I didn't need to hear Bella's thoughts to know her emotions were especially volatile in that moment. Her anger and bitterness simmered just beneath the surface, needing very little to make them boil over.

Very carefully, I let the tip of my finger brush the hem of Bella's sleeve, making sure to avoid touching her skin. "I'll help you find him, Bella. And we'll make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else."

Bella's eyes narrowed slightly before she nodded slowly and stepped back. Neither of us acknowledged that I hadn't agreed to her terms in full yet. Instead, we watched each other for another silent minute before I turned and continued walking. A moment later, Bella fell into step beside me.

aDc

Bella was quiet the rest of the way into Port Angeles, saying little as we found a café where she ordered lunch. I welcomed the lull in conversation, and used it to consider the extraordinary change I had seen in the girl sitting across from me.

She had not planned to tell me about the abuse she had experienced as a child; the shock on her face as she spoke the words told me as much. But once out, the words seemed to unlock a great store of emotion that crashed through her with the force of a hurricane.

I had not given Bella an answer to her request, but in truth I was already decided. I would help her locate the man, Jimmy, and even assist her in the confrontation she seemed hell-bent on having. The idea of letting her anywhere near him disturbed me deeply, but I would do everything in my power to keep her safe.

When it came to killing Jimmy, however… I could not allow Bella to take part in that act, no matter how strongly she felt that it was her right. Whatever Bella thought of herself, I knew she was a pure soul. She did not deserve to suffer any more than she already had, nor to carry the weight of such a serious crime. I had to find a way to shoulder that burden. Whether I could control myself when we met him was another problem altogether.

"Am I still allowed to ask questions?" Bella asked. I glanced up to find her bright gaze leveled over the top of the burger she was holding.

"Of course you are," I said, giving her a small smile before I felt it slide from my face. "I need to ask you something first, please, Bella."

She nodded, her brow furrowing at my serious expression. "Of course."

"I'm sure this goes without saying, but I must ask that you keep our conversations about my... condition to yourself. Please."

"Well, yeah, obviously. It didn't occur to me not to keep it on the down-low, Edward."

"I appreciate that," I said solemnly. I trained my gaze on Bella's big eyes, silently pleading with her to understand the seriousness of my request. "All the same, you should know that I have violated some rules today in telling you about myself. Not to mention putting the safety of my family and myself at some risk."

"Edward, I understand what you're saying," Bella said soberly. She put her sandwich down and wiped her hands on her napkin. "I won't say anything. And not only out of respect for you. Frankly, enough people think I'm strange without adding a vampire friend twist to the gossip."

We exchanged smiles before Bella leaned forward slightly to speak in a very low voice. "I trusted you with my secret, Edward. You can do the same with me."

I nodded then, feeling my chest constrict at the earnestness of her words. "Thank you. And feel free to ask whatever."

"Okay, then," she said before taking another bite of her sandwich and chewing. Her eyes were bright with curiosity when she was ready to speak again. "How did your family come together? Because I'm guessing that vampires don't have babies. And you said yourself that the Cullens took you in five years ago when you were in, what, college?"

"You're right on both counts. Vampires don't reproduce. I was twenty-one when I was changed. The answer to your question is that the Cullen family formed itself over the years.

"Carlisle, my father, is nearly four-hundred years old. He spent most of his immortal life searching for a mate or a companion. He met Esme in 1921, when she was his patient in the hospital where he worked. They met Rosalie and Emmett ten years later, and then Jasper in 1972. I'm the latest addition to the family. I couldn't tell you what it is that holds us together… but somehow it works."

"Did Carlisle change all of them?" Bella's wide eyes were rapt as I spoke, her sandwich forgotten. She rolled her eyes when I nudged her plate toward her, but quickly set about eating again.

"Carlisle changed Esme," I said, running a hand over my hair. "She was very ill and would have died otherwise. But the rest of us were changed by others. Rosalie and Emmett were already traveling together, while Jasper was alone. He moved around with different vampires over the years, but didn't find a coven that clicked for him until he met the Cullens."

"And you were alone," Bella piped in.

"Well, I was only half transformed when they found me," I replied. "I was too busy burning to even begin to feel alone."

Bella chewed her food thoughtfully as she took in my explanation. "Not every vampire belongs to a family, is that right?"

"Very much so," I replied. "Some of our kind prefer to travel alone or with only one other. They might go years without interacting closely with another vampire."

"What makes your family different?"

"I can't speak for the others. But for me… I need the connection, to belong somewhere. Maybe it's because I was changed so soon after losing my parents and my–" I stopped, catching myself before I said anything more about Alice. "Well, you get the idea."

Bella nodded and took a long sip from her glass of lemonade. "Is that what it's like for the others?"

"I think so, at least for most of us. Jasper is the wild card in the bunch because he was a nomad for the longest time after Carlisle." I rubbed my fingers thoughtfully against the back of my neck. "I sometimes wonder if he feels any urge to wander and explore – or if he gets bored. But he fits in with the rest of us. And I've certainly never heard any thoughts from him that would indicate that he'd rather be on his own."

"You love them." Bella stated gently.

I nodded humbly. "Very much so. My family... they mean a great deal to me."

"Do you miss your parents very much?" she pressed, her eyes growing sad when I winced at her words. "I'm sorry-"

"It's all right," I murmured, my hand reaching to my pocket for the notebook before I remembered I had left it at home to dry. "I do miss them. Very deeply."

Needing some occupation, my hands fell on top of the placemat covering my side of the table. My fingers moved, silently playing the notes the song I had been composing for the last week. Bella's gaze flickered between my hands and my face several times before she swallowed and cleared her throat.

"And your sister... Mary Alice. Do you miss her terribly?"

"Yes, I do, Bella." I heard my voice waver, and closed my eyes. My hands stilled as I drew a long breath to calm myself. "I miss Alice every day."

The touch of warm fingers on the back of my hand thrilled and shocked me. My eyes snapped open to find Bella's right hand resting over my left, her touch both gentle and fleeting. I blinked and the fingers withdrew, leaving the ghost of heated skin on mine.

Bella's expression was conflicted when I raised my gaze to hers. I read in her eyes a clear desire to comfort me, as well as confusion.

"Edward, about your sister," she began, but paused when the waitress stopped by to collect the now emptied plates.

"You were asking about Alice," I prompted once the waitress had gone off to fill Bella's dessert order.

Bella directed her gaze at the tabletop, her hand coming up to fiddle with her hair. "It wasn't important."

I recognized her tells well enough by then to know Bella was keeping something from me. I wasn't, however, comfortable pressing her for the information.

"I did wonder, though, about some of the other things we've been talking about today." She was quiet again when the waitress returned with a plate of apple pie and two coffees. I smiled when she nudged a cup toward me with a cheeky twinkle in her eye.

"Clever girl," I murmured, wrapping my hands around the warm mug. And then I shook my head in wonder as the melancholy I'd been feeling over Alice softened. "What is it you want to know?"

"Why does your family feed on animals? Is it a... moral thing?" She cocked her head curiously at me.

"Well, it turns out that Carlisle is allergic to human blood," I said in a low voice, making my expression as somber as possible.

My lips twitched when Bella's mouth dropped open in surprise. She rolled her eyes at me when I smiled, and stuck some pie in her mouth before muttering something about my reflex joking.

"I'm sorry; it was just too perfect an opportunity." I smiled in apology. "But it is Carlisle who guides the family in that direction.

"You are correct; the decision is a moral one. You see, Carlisle is a doctor and he has practiced healing since before he was changed. He feels we should not hunt humans when there is a viable alternative in animals."

"And you all agree with him?"

"More or less, yes. Some of us find it easier than the others. Rosalie, for instance, is very much at ease with abstinence, while Esme and Jasper have a harder time."

"And you?" Bella eyed me carefully. "How do you feel about hunting animals?"

I shrugged. "I've never known anything else. So for me, it's easy. If I knew what I was missing, I might feel differently.

"But what's more... I don't want to kill people, Bella." My voice was serious, and Bella's expression reflected that tone. "I don't want to be this monstrous thing. I can't turn back time and be something better than what I have become. But I can try to do the right things and be good, for lack of a better word."

Bella sat silent, blinking furiously as she gathered her thoughts. I heard her swallow before she spoke again in a low murmur. "And where does that leave me as far as Jimmy is concerned, Edward? Does that mean you won't help me?"

"No." My eyes widened when Bella pushed back from the table. "Where are you – stop, Bella."

"You said you wouldn't help me," she retorted in a tight, breathless voice as she began to get to her feet.

I shook my head, holding up my hand to keep her from bolting. "You misunderstand me. I will help you, Bella. We'll find him together."

"And you'll help me kill him?"

"I told you before that I would help you make sure that animal doesn't hurt anyone ever again." I heard the snarl in my voice; I could well imagine the frightening expression on my face. "And I'll do whatever it takes to protect you."

Bella bent forward to prop her elbows on the tabletop, burying her face in her hands. My rage dropped away, replaced by concern as I watched her heave shaky breaths. Unable to touch her, I could only wait without knowing if she was relieved or angry.

Several long minutes later, Bella dropped her hands and cleared her throat, seeming to be in control of herself once again. Her dark eyes were fierce when they met mine. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I replied quietly.

aDc

The ride back to Forks was quiet. Bella sat wrapped in her thoughts, gazing out the window at the passing shoreline. I, of course, was wrapped in thoughts of Bella.

I felt a sense of wonder when I considered the enormous changes our burgeoning friendship had already brought to my life. I had promised to help her exact revenge on a human, even pledging to go against my own dark moral compass if it came to that. And I had told her so many of my secrets, perhaps permanently damaging my relationship with my family in the process .

Still, I held me back from telling her the truth about Alice. Something in the way Bella had questioned me about my sister earlier tugged at the edges of my brain; I just couldn't understand why. And when Bella had asked me how long it had been since Alice's disappearance, I had lied, my mouth glibly forming the words. I had no reason to distrust this human girl, but I was not ready to give her my last secret. I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get to that point.

"What do we do next?" Bella asked in a soft voice.

I glanced to my right, taking in her somber expression, and the nervousness evidenced in her tightly clasped hands. "I'll start searching for him. Once I have some of his personal identity, I can begin narrowing down his location. Do you remember his last name?"

"Chase," Bella replied. She blanched before laying her head against the seat back. "James Chase. I can give you his address in Sacramento. He may not live there now, of course."

I took my phone from my pocket and handed it to her. "Write a note with the address so I don't have to bother you."

She snorted as she tapped on the screen. "I'm the one that asked for your help, Edward."

"If he's still alive, I should be able to find something fairly easily. Given his age, he's probably not drawing Social Security yet, but he should have a number; that's always a good place to start."

"Do you think you can find something this week?"

"Sure. As I said, if he's alive, there will be some trace to find. Most humans leave digital footprints that are easy to discern."

She handed my phone back with a nod. "The address is in there, along with my phone number in case you need to text me. What do you mean, 'most' humans leave data footprints? Don't we all?"

"Well, no," I replied. "A person has to interact in the digital environment to create the footprint. Online banking, email, website usage, purchases – that kind of thing. Very young humans typically use an adult's accounts when they are online. And very old humans rarely go online. Any humans can minimize their print just by staying offline."

Bella frowned, her brows furrowing as she looked at me. "What if Jimmy's like that? I mean, how do we know he gets online at all?"

I answered slowly. "Well, given his, ah, predilections, it's very likely that he uses the web to pursue his interests. There is a vast store of information and material for people like him."

My jaw clenched hard as the sick expression on Bella's face told me she understood my meaning perfectly.

"He's almost certainly employing one or more aliases for those activities. But it's equally likely he's using his real identity for mundane things like buying his groceries."

Bella lapsed into another pensive silence. We were parked behind her old, red Ford and I had turned off the ignition before she turned to look at me again.

"You asked me if I could track him down this week, Bella." I quirked an eyebrow at her. "What are you thinking?"

"Spring break starts a week from tomorrow," she replied. "I thought that, if you can find him before the break week starts, we could take a trip and... drop in on him."

"Yeah. That'll work," I nodded

I let myself out of the car and walked around to open Bella's door. Together, we climbed the steps of the house and walked to the porch swing, our bodies obeying a wordless agreement to spend a bit more time together.

"Edward," she began before drawing a deep breath. "Why are you helping me? Don't get me wrong, I really am grateful. For yesterday in Seattle, for being honest with me, for agreeing to help me... even for listening to me last night."

I swallowed at the raw emotion I saw in Bella's eyes, humbled by her gratitude. I was ashamed for not being entirely honest about Alice. And I was fearful, too, unsure how to explain to Bella the depth to which she affected me. How could I explain the instinct that pushed me toward her? Could I really say the words 'mating urge' to a young, human girl I had known for less than a week? Ugh.

"Bella, when I saw you in the music store last week, something happened to me... something that I still don't fully understand.

"Can you try to explain it to me? I'd like to know."

I looked down at my hands, drawing comfort from the feel of the soft denim under my fingers. "My kind have certain urges... instincts, that cause us to act in certain ways. Meeting you spurred an impulse in me. To protect you. To take care of you, I guess, and watch over you."

"An impulse?"

"I know, weird. Just one more attraction in the freak show," I laughed weakly, and rubbed my thumb over the bridge of my nose. "But you have to know that the drive is very powerful. I... I have a terrible time focusing on anything else unless I am around you."

"You're not a freak, Edward." She frowned, appearing both disappointed and discomfited. "So you're, what, obeying instinct when you're around me?"

"Yes. But it's more than that. I-" I broke off, shaking my head at my own agitation. "Damn it, why is this so difficult? I like you Bella. Outside of the impulse. I just like you. You know; boy meets girl and all that."

Her eyebrows climbed her forehead in surprise. "You like me? That... that is unexpected."

Unsure of how to take Bella's reply, I said nothing. A part of me was bursting to ask if there was a chance that she might return those feelings; if she could somehow feel affection for me. I knew, however, that her answer could not be anything but 'no.' And I knew that I had no right to feel anything for this girl. She deserved to live a life outside the shadows of my world.

"I should let you go," I murmured as I stood, giving Bella a small smile when she jumped to her feet too. Walking toward the stairs, I turned to reassure her about our mutual plans for the next several days. "I'll start a search tonight and text you as soon as I find anything."

"Oh, right," she exclaimed, her eyes widening. "I'll start talking to Charlie and Renee about taking a trip to see her during break."

"Good girl," I said, giving her a warm smile. "I'm going to Garrett's. It's 3:00 now; maybe I can catch him for an hour or so before the store closes."

I was down the stairs and nearly to my car when Bella called after me. "What are you going to buy at Garrett's anyway? From what I heard of your playlists in the car today, you like all kinds of music."

"Oh, I need to buy some sheet music," I said as I opened my door. "I play the piano and guitar."

The soft smile that lit Bella's face stole my breath for a moment. "Piano, huh? Cool. Happy shopping, Edward."

aDc

The Port Angeles house was silent when I let myself in. Normally, there was a buzz of activity, no matter what the hour. With no need for sleep, any one or more of us could be working on projects at any time of night or day. Jasper and Emmett might be watching news programs, while Rosalie tinkered with the computers and Esme scribbled notes on blueprints. Carlisle liked to read in his downtime, and I usually sat at the terminals in the library. To be met with such quiet was rare.

Dread settled over me as I walked into the kitchen and found Jasper sitting alone at the table. His expression was neutral, but I saw sympathy lurking in his eyes when I took the seat across from him.

Jasper spoke before I needed to sharpen my focus to hear his thoughts. "They're all in the park, hunting."

"And why are you here?" I dropped the bag of music folios from Garrett's on the table.

"Didn't think a note was the best way to tell you what was going on. Rose is... not very happy with you at the moment."

"She's pissed," I said dryly.

"As a cat in the bathtub," Jasper agreed with a grin.

I swore softly as I rubbed my hands through my hair. "Do I even want to know how you all became aware of the need to be pissed at me?"

"Emmett convinced us to let you and the Swan girl walk the trail alone," Jasper replied. "But Rose insisted we park outside the cafe you took her into after your walk."

"And you overheard her asking me questions."

"As well as asking you to help kill another human, Edward."

I nodded, pushing my irritation and nervousness aside. "And which is Rose more pissed about?"

"That's hard to say." Jasper shrugged. "If I had to guess, she's more ticked off about giving away the family secret. But Carlisle-"

"Carlisle was there?" I was aghast.

"We all were," he said quietly. "I think I understand why you did it. I can feel everything coming off of you. Anger for what happened to Bella, grief and guilt for Alice... and affection for them both."

Damn it. I closed my eyes, fighting the waves of emotion that welled up inside me. Jasper shifted in his seat just before a feeling of calmness dropped over me like a cloak. I breathed deeply, more grateful for Jasper's quiet sympathy than his ability to affect my mood.

"Thanks for that," I murmured, opening my eyes to meet his.

Jasper just smiled softly before he rose to his feet. "We should get out there and find them. It's time everyone talked."

We drove my car out of town, taking Hurricane Ridge Road into the park. The car climbed higher into the mountains until we were far enough away from human dwellings to pull onto a nearly forgotten Park Service road. Leaving the car parked behind Emmett's Jeep, Jasper and I continued on foot, racing between the trees as we followed the others' fresh scent trails.

I listened as my feet flashed over the ground, trying hear my family's thoughts so that I knew what I was walking in to. But my own thoughts were too jumbled, and they broke what little I picked up into pieces that didn't make sense.

We found them gathered by the icy water at Upper Royal Lake. My heart sank when I took in Rosalie and Carlisle's stiff body language; it was clear that they had been arguing. Rosalie's face twisted in anger before she turned away, her arms wrapped around herself protectively. Carlisle shook his head and rubbed his hands over the back of his neck.

I was surprised when Esme's eyes flashed with quiet support. She walked to my side and took my hand in hers. As always, Emmett wore his emotions on his sleeve. His face reflected frustration before he managed a strained smile and he too came stand at my side. I felt Jasper step a bit closer behind us, his presence steady and strong.

We stood then, four facing two, and my dead heart creased to think that I had caused a rift in my family with just a few words to a dark-haired human girl. No. This isn't right.

"I'm sorry," I managed to get out before I stepped forward. "I never meant for any of this to happen, you have to believe me."

"We know that, Edward." Carlisle's voice was low, reflecting the worry in his eyes. "I'm sure you can understand why we would be concerned. But none of us thinks that this is what you wanted."

Rosalie grunted and pushed out a harsh breath before turning to face me. I winced at the injury lurking under her anger.

"How could you, Edward," she rushed out in a tight voice. "You've put us all at risk and for what? For a human girl who can hardly be expected to understand you or return your attentions in even the smallest capacity."

I nodded, stung by her words. I was too overcome with guilt and anxiety to defend my actions or Bella herself. "I really am sorry, Rosalie. I know you don't understand... Christ, I don't really understand half of what's been going on myself.

"But what's done is done. Bella knows and, as absurd as it sounds, I trust her not to tell anyone about us."

"You can't guarantee that, Edward," Rosalie hissed before her arms dropped against her sides. Her hands curled into fists as she glared at me. "She's a child. She can't even begin to understand the implications of what you've told her."

"That's enough Rosalie," Carlisle cut in quietly, his brows knitting with emotion. "However we all feel about what Edward has done, he is right; the Swan girl knows and nothing can be done to change that."

Emmett stiffened beside me as Rosalie snorted derisively. "That's not good enough, Carlisle-"

"Please." I took another step forward and felt keenly the loss of Esme's hand in mine. "I don't expect you to understand or forgive me. The very last thing I wasn't to do is set you against each other; that is something that I cannot allow to happen. I'll pack my things and leave tonight."

More than one gasp sounded around me as both Rosalie and Carlisle's heads snapped up, wearing matching expressions of shock.

"You... what are you talking about, Edward?" Carlisle's voice was much louder than I'd ever heard it before. "You can't leave, son. No one wants that."

My hands rose up to tangle in my hair and I let out a low groan. "Let me fix this Carlisle. You all can move to another city to get away from Bella and stay safe."

"Absolutely not," Esme said firmly, stepping forward to lay a hand on my shoulder. "Edward, whatever happens with the Swan girl, your place is here, with us."

I shook my head slowly, trying but failing to gather my thoughts to protest.

"Don't, Edward," Rosalie said, her flattened tone catching my attention. Her eyes were wary when I met them, but softer. They sparked with anger again for a moment before she inhaled deeply. "Don't even think that. I am so mad at you... I could rip your arms right off. But you can't go."

I stood looking at my shoes as Carlisle crossed the distance between us. I felt his hand on my shoulder, his touch reassuring me. When I looked up to meet his eyes, I saw only the steady and supportive warmth I knew so well.

"We'll figure it out, Edward," he said quietly, his lips curling into a smile. "Just hang in there. And be prepared for a week or two of silent treatment from Rose."

I managed a nod as the others chuckled around me and began to move back toward the trees. But my eyes sought out my sister's as she followed slowly behind Carlisle.

Rosalie shot a hard smile my way, one that did not quite meet her eyes. She reached out to grasp my elbow as she passed, drawing me with her as we followed the others. I counted myself lucky to find my arm still attached and hid my smile.

A/N

You know what this means... road trip! Were you surprised by Edward's decision? Thanks for bearing with us for a couple of dialogue-heavy chapters - there were a lot of things that needed to be said ;)

The next chapter will be Bella's.

Thank you so much for reading.

After the spectacular FFn failures last week and today, we thought it prudent to mention that A Dove's Cry is also posted on A Different Forest - check my profile for the URL.

We post teasers and other fun bits to tumblr (remove spaces): karenec .tumblr .com