Just got an assignment in and wanted to share my relief in the form of a new chapter :D (I hope no one's complaining)

So, yeah - Enjoy!

'Si..?' His voice was small, but heard nonetheless.

Simon looked up, seemingly snapping out of his thoughts, and stood immediately on seeing Alvin's troubled expression. 'What is it, Alvin?' He replied kindly.

Alvin looked down, cursing his nerves. 'Y-you were right…' he said, with strain evident in his voice. 'Those days ago…' he closed his eyes. 'We do need to talk…'

'Uh,' Simon shook his head, despite that Alvin wouldn't see it. 'Alvin, you don't need to tell me anything else – you need to relax right now, this was a big confession –'

'Let me finish.' Alvin looked up again, meeting Simon's worried gaze with his own forced determination. 'I can't just let you think that my being gay is the end of it.' He managed to remain calm. 'Because, Simon, I'm not homosexual.' He said clearly.

Simon frowned slightly. 'What?' He shook his head. 'Yes you are, I – I-I mean Theodore told me.'

Alvin shifted his gaze to the side. 'Yeah… Theo was just being a good brother… trying to keep an… important promise.' He smiled momentarily. 'See: that's the thing, Si. I've been going around telling you it's a "secret", when it's not.' He nodded calmly. 'Sure, it's hidden from you… but for a… a very long time, it was more like a promise, that I made to myself almost a year ago. I've been convincing myself it was hidden for your own good, but…' he bit his lip. 'Now I think… I think if we're trying to trust each other, then this is something that I don't want in the way anymore.'

'Alvin –'

'Simon, do you remember that time we fought and I… I punched you in your diaphragm?' Alvin began. 'And you fell unconscious..?'

'No, Alvin, you don't need to –'

Alvin nodded. 'I thought you wouldn't…' he bit his lip before he went off, explaining what Simon had already read: the fear, desperation, care, selfishness, infatuation. The eldest began to slow down his explanation once it got past the admittance that he "wanted" Simon's smile reserved for himself.

Simon just stared at his brother, the words coming from his mouth more real than they were on a page, more frightening. He found himself wishing Alvin would stop, not wanting to hear it all over again. He'd accepted it. He didn't want to accept Alvin's remorse, right here in front of him.

How could he console someone… someone like Alvin?

His own thoughts were enough for him to disown himself. How dare he think that way – how dare he hate Alvin – how dare he think of Alvin as something lower than him.

'A-and it took me a long while to… to figure o-out why I was thinking like that…' Alvin continued, his gaze hadn't been on Simon's much during the story, but when it was, he couldn't stand to look for longer than a moment. Simon's expression was so blank and so affronted. 'So… so, w-what I'm trying to tell you, i-is –'

'Don't,' Simon shook his head. Alvin looked up, now, and was hurt to see the torment in his brother's eyes. 'Please, don't say it…'

Alvin felt his eyes build with tears. 'I meant it, Simon…' he went on softly. 'I-I meant it, when I told y-you I was s-sorry…' a tear rolled stubbornly down his cheek. 'I-I'll never be the brother… you want me to be…'

Simon closed his eyes and looked down to the side.

'I-I'm not homosexual…' Alvin repeated, his voice shaking almost as much as his whole body. 'I'm…' his throat was closing up as he tried to utter the last few words. 'I'm i-in…' he scrunched his eyes shut tight. It was so hard he was contemplating the easy way, just to kiss Simon for the first and inevitably last time. But that wouldn't do him any favours.

He had to say it.

'I'm in love with you…' he almost gasped it out, as though he'd been struck, flinching and feeling his tears fall steadily.

Simon looked at Alvin, now, his eyes full or sorrow and regret and hesitation. He watched without knowing what to do – or what he wanted to do – as Alvin broke down in front of him; the usually confident boy suddenly turned a cowering mess, he could see Alvin shaking in fear, he could almost imagine what his thoughts must have been, could only guess how little hope his older brother had right then, pouring his corrupted heart out to his pure younger brother.

Slowly, Simon reached out. He gently smoothed his hands down Alvin's arms, ignoring the harsh flinch Alvin responded with – as though he expected Simon to hit him – and Simon took Alvin's shaking hands in his own, holding them bracingly.

Alvin seemed to cry even harder. 'W-what a-are you d-doing..?' He managed, still not looking up, his voice was still riddled with shame despite his curiosity, and his hands shook harder in Simon's safe hold.

'This is what people do, isn't it..?' Simon said gently. 'When someone needs to be helped up… we offer them a hand..?' He put on a calming smile that shone through to his voice. 'I thought you could use two…'

'Oh, god…' Alvin shook his head. 'No – y-you're… S-Simon, you're supposed t-to hate me…'

Simon tilted Alvin's head up with a finger to his chin, looking at Alvin curiously. 'Where's that optimism my older brother always boasted about..?'

Alvin choked a sob again. 'N-no… no – th-this is t-too easy –' he shook his head and backed away, in complete denial. 'Y-you've already r-rung the p-police, haven't you? – that's it –' he nodded to himself. 'Y-you're stalling m-me – you're – you – you don't have t-to,' he put his wrists together and held them in front of himself pleadingly. 'I-I'll go, I promise – I – I d-don't want t-to hurt you a-any more than I already h-ha-have –'

'Oh, Alvin,' Simon started to feel the compassion again. Alvin was much too willing to give up his life – it was scary. It wasn't right. It was an amount of love Simon hadn't even believed existed – watching Alvin stand there, with his sapphire eyes wide and begging, his body shaking, his hands outstretched, completely accepting his crime…

It felt so wrong to let him torture himself like that.

'P-please…' Alvin closed his eyes. 'I w-want you t-to do it…' He'd hit the back wall by now, slumping and continuing to drop tears onto the carpet. 'I-it's all I see, it's th-the only thing I-I can see in m-my future, i-is a prison cell – and I'm r-ready – if I h-have to go, I w-want to go alone, b-before I do s-something w-we'll both regret – I-I'm ready – I want y-you to forget about m-me and l-live, a-and have a family –'

'You can't –'

'Please, just let me die!' Alvin whimpered. 'L-let me end it! I don't w-want to be this way, and I d-don't want you to see me this way! I just want to s-stop it! All of it!'

Simon crossed the room to Alvin, but the eldest shot away to the side, tripping on a dresser and falling – he looked up at Simon in fear and desperation, propped on his palms

'Don't –' he demanded. 'Don't you dare risk –' he closed his eyes. 'I c-couldn't f-forgive myself –'

'This is ridiculous,' Simon promised, kneeling down beside Alvin. 'You can't seriously believe I would let you rot in prison because of… feelings?'

Alvin swallowed and nodded. 'I-it's where I belong…' he breathed.

Simon placed a hand on Alvin's, the eldest cowered, but Simon stayed put. 'I mean…' he began. 'O-of course, the way you feel about me… it makes me uncomfortable…' he pursed his lips before continuing. 'And I know it's technically illegal…' he shook his head. 'But if you've loved me like this for almost a year… then I don't see any reason to feel threatened.' Simon promised. 'I don't see any reason for you to suffer… when you deserve to be praised.'

'I-I don't deserve –'

'Oh, come on,' Simon chided fondly. 'I recall being quite naked in front of you. I don't recall you taking advantage of that.'

Alvin shook his head. 'I s-stared at you for too l-long…'

Simon scoffed. 'And I study for too long.' He smiled warmly. 'Things we can't control… should never be punished. If Brittany had a crush on me, and touched me romantically, I'd feel just as uncomfortable and violated if you did it, but there's nothing saying I can send her to prison for life.' He frowned and smiled. 'Isn't that unfair?'

'W-why are you being s-so understanding..?' Alvin questioned. 'I don't want you t-to lie to me…'

'You want me to tell you how I really feel about your feelings?' Simon gathered. 'You want the negatives?'

Alvin just nodded.

Simon shrugged. 'Yeah, let's agree that I'm going to find it awkward to hug you for a while. I don't want us to see the other getting dressed or undressed. It's just going to take some time for things to seem normal again…'

'I'm sorry…' Alvin said softly.

'It's fine.' Simon nodded. 'You've already been doing it, for almost a year. You've been acting normal. The only difference now is that I know about your feelings, and while you have to work not to do anything I won't like, I also have to work to respect you.'

Alvin finally looked up at Simon. 'Y-you don't understand…' he shook his head, his sapphire eyes shimmering. 'I've k-kept myself sated for months and m-months. Now th-that I know you know… a-and I know f-for absolutely certain th-that my feelings are never going t-to go anywhere…' he searched Simon's eyes in shame. 'I d-don't think I'll be a-able to hold myself back f-for as long… I'll t-try, sooner or l-later, to k-kiss y-you, to t-touch you, b-because I'll feel m-my… like I'll n-never get to be h-happy with a-anyone… my l-love is just… wasted… a-and I'm so… devoted to it, th-that… that my subconscious w-wont like that I'll never have you… I'll g-get impatient…'

Simon pursed his lips. 'Love is a funny thing…' he said calmly. 'Even though I know probably as well as you do that what you feel for me is… undying… just, never lose hope, because love can change.' He tried to be sure. 'It can. And, you know, I doubt yours will as much as you do, but you can't stop that hope.'

'I'll never feel that hope…' Alvin shook his head. 'B-because I can't imagine my world w-without being in love with you… if I fall o-out of this… then I'll feel hollow… not joyful…' he pushed a tear away. 'Being in l-love with you… with all its ch-challenges… is still the… the most amazing thing that's e-ever happened to me…' he shook his head. 'Which is why I know I-I belong in jail… because I'll b-be lying to myself… if I ever pretend to love someone m-more than I love you…'

'Alvin,' Simon looked at him worriedly. 'I-I'm sorry, but no matter how many times you say it… I just don't feel the same way about you.'

Alvin blinked, then cursed under his breath. 'I'm sorry, Simon, I-I told myself before I c-came in here not to ramble and r-repeat that I –' he held his tongue. ' – h-how I feel about you…'

Simon smiled fondly. 'Every once in a while you can,' he began, 'you know, that'd be alright. It's flattering enough. But saying it fifty times in two minutes sounds like you're demanding a response.'

'I-I'm sorry…' Alvin looked down.

'Please, Alvin,' Simon coaxed. 'I'm trying to be as supportive as I can… will you just appreciate that for five minutes?'

Alvin looked up again in apology. 'N-no – god – Simon – yes, thank you – this is more than I ever could have hoped – thank you –' he bit his lip worriedly and told himself to calm down. 'I-I just don't know how you want me to "appreciate" you…'

Simon smiled amusedly. 'Me neither, actually…' He grinned winningly when Alvin's lips tugged into a tiny smile. 'Here: let's try a hug.'

'You said it'd be awkward.' Alvin reminded timidly.

'Awkward hugs are the best kind.' Simon promised. 'All you need to do is keep your hands above my waist and we're good.'

Alvin flushed. 'Y-you know, if I do anything th-that makes you feel violated –'

'Yeah, yeah, I call the police.' Simon smirked. 'We'll see.' He stood and offered Alvin his hand. 'So how about: this can be your first test of will?'

'Uh…' Alvin took Simon's hand hesitantly and stood, still shaking slightly. 'I-it's just that… I might… like… nuzzle you… without meaning to…'

Simon chuckled amusedly. 'Right. "Without meaning to".'

Alvin frowned. 'It's true! We've never really hugged much before, and now that I have feelings for you, this is going to be a bit more awkward for both of us – last time I practically clawed your shirt out while flooding it!'

'Again: that was the best kind of hug.' Simon smiled, and slipped his arms around Alvin's waist, waiting with careful watch for Alvin to return the embrace.

'D-do I…' Alvin pursed his lips. 'A-around… your…'

'Just do something,' Simon rushed.

Alvin blushed and lifted his arms around Simon's shoulders, and Simon brought the embrace close, holding Alvin contentedly, his head resting on Alvin's shoulder.

The red-clad boy did the same, holding Simon tightly as though making sure it was all real. He hesitantly rested his chin on Simon's shoulder, feeling the sparks and guilty contentment from the safety and care of the hold.

'Thank you…' he said again.

Simon smiled, feeling somewhat proud of himself for not doing this wrong. In truth, he'd been more scared of how he would handle the confession rather than being scared of Alvin's feelings. He'd been worried that he would do or say something that would hurt Alvin, something offensive or something that made Alvin feel judged or scared.

He'd almost blown it, before, when he was reluctant to console Alvin. The feeling of disgust that started to reveal itself.

It was still there, of course, but Simon knew better than to voice it.

The younger boy blinked in slight shock when Alvin nestled his head more comfortably, but calmed down the cautious side of his mind. Alvin had warned him, after all.

After a few minutes more, Alvin pulled away reluctantly, brushing his cheeks with an embarrassed expression. 'I'm sorry for freaking out on you…' he said lightly. 'I just…' he bit his lip and made sure he was holding Simon's gaze. 'I've been having these nightmares about going to prison every night, a-and I guess it was so ingrained from them, th-that it was all I dared to expect.'

Simon nodded. 'It's alright, it made me understand how uncomfortable you are with your own feelings… I don't know, that made me feel better somehow…'

Alvin gave a small chuckle. 'That's good at least…' His smile didn't last. Now that Simon knew… knew, and didn't return the feelings – not that Alvin had expected that at all – but he hadn't thought about how… hopeless it all seemed.

He wished he could stop feeling how he felt towards Simon, because now he had the complete certainty that his devotion and love was always going to go to waste.

'Simon, will you do something for me?' He spoke up.

'Uh…' Simon pursed his lips and frowned. 'That kind of depends, Alvin…'

Alvin shook his head. 'Will you try and help me get over you?' He explained.

Simon's expression softened to sympathy, he pulled Alvin into another embrace. 'If that's what you want, I'll give it a try…' he nodded. 'But I can't promise results…'

'I don't even know where to begin…' Alvin agreed. 'How do you fall out of love?'

'Only think of the bad points?' Simon offered.

'I love all of your flaws…' Alvin murmured ashamedly.

Simon felt his cheeks dust with red in flattery. 'Yeah, maybe I can't help…'

Alvin smiled slightly. 'Forget I asked…' he shook his head.

'I'm relieved you care about me… it's more than I imagined, but still…'

'Y-you thought I didn't care about you?' Alvin looked up at Simon. 'Was I-I that bad..?' He looked down in contemplation. 'I didn't realise…'

Simon shrugged. 'I thought we were headed for… for being those brothers who never talk about each other.' He admitted. 'When the rooms split, and the only thing we ever said was a harsh word, if not we ignored each other… yeah, it seemed kind of hopeless.'

Alvin blushed and stepped away. 'I only did that to try and stifle my feelings.' He explained. 'I-I promise, Simon, not once have I ever hated you. Never.'

'Neither.' Simon admitted with a shy smile. 'I got disappointed sometimes… but not hate.'

'Thank you,' Alvin said again, nodding. 'I'm so lucky to have you for a brother.'

It is not over! Despite the secret being out and acceptance being had, there is more to come.

And this is the second-last chapter that's pre-written so expect a little bit of a stand-still after chapter 11.

Thanks for reading and reviewing, you have no idea how much inspiration it gives me :D