A/N: Thanks for the reviews and sorry for the delay! I lacked inspiration but it came back and here you go. :D Hope you enjoy!


Chapter 10

Tonight, after weeks and weeks of rehearsing we're finally performing our play. I'm extremely nervous but as always, hide my emotions quite well. The anxiety towards showing my acting abilities in front of hundreds of people isn't the only thing on my mind, though. Lucas and Chris are as well. I hadn't seen either of them a lot lately, which gave me some space to think but instead I preferred to forget about my problems and go through life like nothing had happened these past weeks.

Currently I'm sitting on a bench in the street not for from Karen's Café, under the lime tree I had claimed my own upon arriving here. It's cold and my hands are starting to grow numb, which isn't good seeing I'm drawing. However, I wouldn't lift myself until my hands froze off or a hurricane would rage through this very street. I like sitting here. It gives me peace. Even the most difficult things suddenly seem a lot easier here since I can look at them with a calmer eye. For example now my thoughts wonder off to the date on Friday with Chris and I don't even feel the slightest worry; I just think about possible scenarios.

Suddenly Haley comes out of nowhere. I look up to see her standing in front of me rubbing her arms through her bomber jack. "Peyton, it's freezing!" she says in a shiver. "What are you doing here in the cold, all by yourself?"

I just stare at her a bit sheepishly.

"Come on," she continues giving me a look that makes me think she suspects I'm from Mars. "Let's get a hot coco."

When we not later arrive at Karen's Café, I lock eyes with Lucas, who's carrying around coffees and pieces of pie for old ladies, and softly smile. I do have to admit since they forced me to choose it has been less complicated for me. They know I care about both of them and though Chris is a bit pissed, I think Lucas is just relieved I'm in love with him too. Like he hadn't really had faith or something.

"Peyton!" I hear Haley trying to catch my attention.

I turn my head her way. "I'm here," I confirm that she has my attention from now on. "What have you been up to this afternoon?" I ask. Lately I and she have started to grow closer. It's not quite like me and Rachel yet but Haley has this artistic, musical side I can connect to, like I could with Chris.

She turns red as a beet. "I… Just playing the piano."

I see straight to her lie simple because she isn't very good at telling one. All the signs one shows when lying, she has, touching her hair manically included. I frown. "Right… You sure the piano isn't a boy?"

"No…No, why would you think that?" she ask, her voice changing pitches with every word.

"Haley!" I grin widely, just knowing it's a boy she's blushing over. "Who is it?"

"Nobody! Just piano Steinway."

"Hmmm…" I hum unconvinced. She's keeping something from me, I know it. However, if she wants to tell me she will when the time is right, no need to push her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Who is she?" I look to my side and see my mom's questioning eyes. She never fails to read through me, does she? It would be easier if she did. "Do you like her?"

"Mom…" I complain.

"Lucas…" she mimics me.

I briefly look up in exasperation. "Yes."

Then she holds her stare on Peyton long. "She's not Brooke." Her voice testifies of disapproval.

"No," I confirm slightly annoyed.

"She seems aggressive."

Examining her more than I was already doing I can understand why she'd say this. She's wearing a long-sleeve Ramones shirt with tight black pants tucked in buckled boots. "She is, sometimes."

I must be looking very amused as I say that because my mom suddenly furrows her brows and says:

"You're sure you don't like her because she's supposed to be a challenge?"

"Mom!" I let out displeased. Why is everyone thinking I'm this over-sensitive geek desperately trying to take a walk on the wild side for once?

"I'm sorry Lucas but you're my son and I love you. I don't know how this girl does it but looking at her I feel she's covered head to toe in issues. I only want the best for you and I doubt this girl can give you that."

"You don't know her!"

"Isn't she then?" she asks.

"What?"

"Covered from head to toe in issues?"

"It doesn't matter," I answer and mean it. She could be the female Michael Scofield and I'd still want her.

"What happened to Brooke?" she sighs and I can hear her underlying wish, the hope that I'd get back together with Brooke. "She was carefree and saw the world in such a bright way."

"I'm not into Brooke anymore," I simply answer, getting more agitated with the second. I love my mom to death but her overprotective ways are suffocating and annoying. "And if you'd want the best for me you'd want me to be with a girl I actually love, right?"

"Does she love you?"

I briefly hold my tongue. "Yes," I proceed to reply.

"But…?"

"But she's sort of…also still in love with another guy."

"Who?" She sounds appalled.

At that moment Chris walks in. Of course he's dressed Peyton-style. Well, it's his own style but you get what I mean. I and Peyton are alike but boy, they are too. Just in different ways. It's why I think she has such a hard time letting one of us go: she finds herself back in both of us but saying 'no' to one would mean she won't be able to look at that one anymore and recognize herself. Chris isn't the kind of guy who would stay friends and I'd, personally, hurt too much.

"Him?" my mom asks and her eyes widen a bit. Together they do look a bit threatening I admit. I'm not jealous they're talking right now because for one, Haley is also engaged in the conversation and just as much, and two, I know she won't do anything until after the dates. She does have a sense of morality, you know, and I wish my mom would understand that instead of seeing her like the aggressive rock chick who's trying to turn her son into a rebel-with-mohawk. Sometimes adults are so narrow-minded.

x

I peek through the curtains and see a bee nest of people. Oh, no… I'm so scared! What if I have a black-out and forget all my lines? It will be petrifying! Alright… 'Breath in, breath out', I order myself before I faint. This corset I'm wearing isn't helping though. I mean, I truly have nothing against Goths, but they shouldn't have given the role of costume designer to one; they love corsets and all that retro, go-back-to-the-Ancien-Regime stuff. The only positive thing about it is that it pushes my boobs up.

Minute by minute passes and before I know it, I'm saying my lines in front of the crowd who listens attentively though I'm sure they all know the story of Romeo and Juliet by heart by now. During the Capulet-Montague fight, I disappear in the coulisse. Lucas is watching everything attentively, seemingly more nervous than I am though I actually have to perform on the scene. I approach him and just look up at him scanning his concentrated face.

Feeling Peyton looking up at me, I turn my head and lock eyes with her, smiling. Then I suddenly notice something else than her face. She hasn't been close to me all evening but now that she is I must say she looks amazing in that corset. Suddenly I feel her fist on my arm and look away biting my bottom lip, feeling caught.

"You're such a guy," she complains and tries to pull her corset higher.

"And according to my mom, you're Buffy without the vampire chasing and stuff," I reply without much thought. Her words have bugged me all day long and I just had to wipe them off me somehow, by repeating them for example.

"What?"

"She thinks you're aggressive and wrong for me." I admit, I've always valued my mother's opinion highly. However, I feel her judgment is completely clouded now because of her liking for Brooke. "She likes Brooke," I explain.

Seeing the disappointment and hurt on her face I suddenly feel guilty for saying it. I was just expressing my frustration and sadness about the fact that my mom doesn't really seem to like the girl I love. I never meant for it to cause her pain, I had expected her to shrug or something. What if she lets this influence her choice?

Before Lucas can say something that would sure be comforting, it's my turn again to go up. I'm just feeling really hurt by this because it makes me wonder if maybe I had had a mother to guide me through puberty, she would've like me. Overall mothers seem to have a problem with me. Chris's too, she was always staring at me like I was a parasite. It never stopped me from being with him though and it wouldn't stop me from being with Lucas.

Some people in the audience get quite caught up in the story as it continues. When I bowing over Chris some are actually crying knowing what will happen.

"What's here? A cup, closed in my true love's hand?
Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:
O churl! Drunk all, and left no friendly drop
To help me after? I will kiss thy lips;
Haply some poison yet doth hang on them,
To make die with a restorative."

I bow my head and kiss him softly. It's a good kiss, we've always had the kissing part down to a tee, but I once again have to face the fact that it isn't the way it once was.

"Thy lips are warm."

I lay myself down atop him and hear how the others finish the play. When the curtains close we hear a loud applause and I smile. As Chris intertwines his hand with mine to go back on stage and bow in a minute, he whispers in my ear:

"We got to talk."

"We do," I confirm.

x

We retreat ourselves in the hallways of school though no one can come here. For a moment we just look at each other before we simultaneously say:

"I've got feelings for someone else."

"I choose Lucas."

We scowl at each other.

"What?" we then ask again in synchrony. "You first."

I sigh. "I'll go first."

"OK."

"Chris… I've loved you and I still do, a lot. I don't suddenly claim that you don't mean anything to me because… You were my world. Once. But I don't live in that world anymore if you get what I'm saying. I probably started to move on the moment you left me but couldn't admit it because you were all I had for such a long time. But I should've known I'm not one to forgive people who left me just like that and I should've known that because of that, we could never be the same again. I should've never come here..."

"B-"

"But I'm glad I did," I continue.

"Lucasssssssss…" he says teasingly. It annoys me but just a bit. I should be happy he's not all that affected but he's sure fallen in love a lot since we broke up. I guess he feels it the same way: that something broke forever with our split.

"Yes, Lucas," I nod. "I know he's not our kind of people b-"

"Ya think?"

I kink my eyebrow at him. "But you don't know him like I do."

"I may sure hope not," he replies disgusted.

"I didn't mean sex, asshole!"

"I know," he replies. "It's alright. If he makes you happy, I'm happy too."

"That's so cheesy!" I smile.

"I do my best," he shrugs and gives me a wide grin.

I sigh deeply. "We should've done this long ago."

"What?"

"The break-up conversation. It's easier to let go like this, you understand? If you like, actually, I don't know… talk?"

"I know," he admits. "But I've apologized enough for that!"

"It's alright," I nod. "So…who is she?" I then ask boldly. "Or do I have to ask 'he'? You know, those anti-gay reactions make one won-"

"Haley," he cuts me off.

"Haley?" I repeat loudly and can't help but let out a laugh. "Oh, but Chris…She's not our kind of people…"

"She plays an instrument."

"She's a goodie-two-shoes…"

"With sarcasm!" he defends himself. "Whatever, yours hardly ever talks."

"He says something when he feels it necessary and not just to say something," I reply a bit insulted. My mind then clings itself on the subject of Haley again. "Hey! That's why she was all red when I asked her what she had done this afternoon! Were you with her?"

"Yes, we we're just rehearsing some songs… She was blushing?"

"You don't know if she's into you?" I respond to his question with a question.

"Well no…" he admits a bit shyly. My jaw drops. You got to love Haley though, she's such a great girl hiding her feelings for my sake and turning Chris into a shy guy. Hopefully not too much but this little glimpse is endearing. Oddly enough, I'm rooting for them. He can have his happiness too.

x

"Brooke, don't do it…"

The brunette kinks an eyebrow at Bevin. "I'll do what I want. She took my guys from me. Both of them."

"But you're with Nathan now…"

"Yes, because that's such a loving relationship," she replies sarcastically. Ever since Chris and her broke up she has been trying to find a way to get back at Peyton best. After all she is the cause of everything by just…being there. Seeing how her relationship with Nathan isn't giving her any satisfaction apart from sexual one, she needs to find her gratification elsewhere.

However, she has an eye for the way things are going in other people's love lives and from what she has seen, fake Goldilocks had a major thing for HER Broody. She knew how charming Lucas could be and how he could make you feel special, wanted, loved. She wanted him back and breaking Peyton in the process seemed heaven. She made her way over to Lucas and offered him her brightest smile when he looked down at her. But he wasn't paying much attention; she assumed he must be looking for Peyton who was God knows where. Yet no worries. She'd wait for Peyton to return to kiss him.

"So you did a great job directing the play," she started the conversation.

"Thanks Brooke," he replied with a genuine smile. "You weren't too bad either, those maid clothes suited you."

"Funny," she let out in a tone that suggested the opposite. He just laughed. "So… How's your love life?"

He sighed. "Gone, I have no idea where she is," he replied.

"Peyton?"

"Yes."

"Well, I saw her disappearing in the halls with Chris after the play, they were kind of making out," she replied and felt all warm and fuzzy inside seeing the broken expression on his face. "Oh…" she bit her bottom lip. "I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry, Luke."

I cannot quite describe what when through me when Brooke said that but complete disappointment, hurt and anger must come near. I shouldn't have hoped so much I guess. Hope is a vicious thing; it has a tendency of biting you in the ass. I suddenly feel like I'm five years old again, sitting in front of the mailbox hoping my dad sent me a card for my birthday. He never did and I was always crushed. Peyton had a chance to choose me a couple of times and never did either. I'm sometimes just really sick of always being pushed aside, you know?

Suddenly Brooke wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a hug. When she pulls back I see her head nearing mine. Just as she's about to kiss me I see a glance of content in her eyes, but it isn't because she's with me now, there's a rim of viciousness around it. I follow her gaze and look straight at Peyton who looks back as if she's about the throw up out of wrath and repulsiveness.

"You lied," I accuse and pull her hands off my body.

She stumbles back shocked. "I…I…"

"Save it," I snap. Looking at her now I can't believe I was ever in love with her.

x

I stop by Peyton's house and run to the door with the intention of knocking it but then realize she'd never, in a million years open it for me now. Instead I slip through the back door, and go upstairs to her room where I find her cussing out her CD's; from what I hear because it has scratches.

"Get out," she hisses when she sees me. "Get OUT!" she repeats louder when I don't.

"Did you do anything with Chris?" I ask, just to be sure.

"I can't believe you're asking me this!!" she yells furiously. "NO! Did you, huh? Do anything? I mean, mommy likes her, must do what she says and go back to the cheery whore!"

"What were you doing there then with him, in the halls alone?" I see a flicker of hurt in her eyes and suddenly the pieces of the puzzle fall together: she wasn't kissing Chris; she just isolated him so that they could talk. A serious conversation. I think… "You chose me…"

She falls silent and just remains scowling at me. "And now I'm telling you I don't want you anymore," she replies.

"I didn't do anything with Brooke," I say and approach her. Quickly so that she wouldn't be able to respond I grab her arms and kiss her fully, openly and with so much passion one could wonder if my life depends on this one kiss. It could. If she doesn't kiss me back, I'm done for. She won't have me and I'll be forced to pine at her from a distance or she'll go back to where she came from.

I feel a sensation of relief come over me when her full lips dip to taste mine, returning the kiss as I had hoped. Then, before I know it, she yanks her arm loose and I feel my jaw stinging. I can't believe she actually slapped me! I sure wasn't wrong on the aggressive part. "I didn't do anything with Brooke!" I scream desperately.

"How stupid do you think I am?!" she cries back. "A kiss doesn't solve anything! Especially not when you were kissing another girl half and hour ago!"

"I love you!"

I hold my tongue.

"I love you, does that solve anything?!" he asks still screaming.

"No, because I don't!! I don't love you!!"

We fall into a silence. His eyes bore a hole in me; I can't handle the intensity and look away. I don't know what to believe. Even if nothing happened with Brooke, who can confirm there that something wouldn't have happened either if I hadn't showed up? I can't handle another boy jumping straight into another girl's bed when we're going through a rough patch and that's what Lucas seems to be about. I understand he has his insecurities, but problem is that the actions they provoke cause me to hurt too. I'd rather live without pain than with and if that's what he's promising me, pain, then I'd rather live without him. It's not that I don't love him because everything that has happened lately obviously proves that I do but it seems that if I tell him I don't, he'll go away easier. The short pain.

"You're a liar," he calmly accuses.

I look up immediately back into defense. "And you're a cheater!"

He rolls his eyes, which makes me even more fuming. "We aren't even together!"

"So what? You would like it, huh? If I would go out and start kissing Nathan in front of your nose?"

"I-"

"I don't care!!" I cry. "You just waltz through life without thinking about the consequences of your actions!"

"Me?! he then cries in rage; I've never seen him like this and I get a bit scared. "You, Peyton, have made me feel like SHIT more than you made me feel GOOD!!"

I don't want to show how shocked I am of his behavior. "I want you to leave," I order again, clueless to what else I should say.

"Stop being so cold!!"

"I'm not cold!" My eyesight grows blurry. I'm so sick of everyone always saying that. "I'm not cold!" I don't know what's happening but suddenly tears stream down my face. "I'm NOT COLD!!" I point my finger at him violently. "If you think I'm cold, you don't know ANYTHING about me!!"

His gorgeous eyes glaze over with regret. For screaming at me like this, I'm sure. Slowly he takes a few steps my way as I just remain standing still. The tension can be cute with a knife. Before he reaches me, the phone rings. The sound is like an elephant in the room. We lock eyes for a few seconds as the sharp tones cut through us.

"I should answer that," I mumble.

I do so and hear my grandfather's voice, crying. My whole world is turned upside-down at once. From what I can understand, they were planning on paying me another visit and were almost at the house when they got into a car accident. I put my hand in front of my mouth in disbelief. My grandmother… In the hospital…Bad state…My dad is on his way… I, I... should go too. Immediately.

I lay the phone down and stare at Lucas.

"What is it?" he asks worried.

"It was my grandfather…My grandmother has been in a car accident," I softly, almost practically say. "She's in the hospital. I should go…"

I feel dazed whilst I look for my keys distracted. Lucas, however, finds them in less than seconds, knowing where I put them from all the times he was here. "You're in no condition to drive," he says. "I'll take you."

For a moment I just remain standing with the phone in my hand. Though I don't know how bad her state exactly is I'm already thinking about funerals and graveyards. It's horrible. Lucas steps over to me, wraps one arm around my waist and quickly kisses the side of my head, comforting. "Come Peyt," he then carefully urges "he's waiting for you…"

I follow him almost sheepishly. The whole car ride he holds his hand over mine and glances at me caring from time to time, with pain his eyes because I'm in pain or will be even more when this daze leaves. I must be crying because suddenly he lifts his hand and softly takes a tear with his index finger. I don't do anything and just sit, worried about what worse news I might be receiving soon.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tell me what you think!