DEAD WIZARD
In Moria, Gandalf faces the Balrog: "None shall pass"
The balrog roars impressively.
"NONE SHALL PASS!"
The balrog roars even more impressively.
"At least, not before you have answered me these questions three, ere the other side you see. If you fail to answer you will be cast in the gorge of Khazad-Dum."
The balrog is slightly taken aback: "What?"
Gandalf asks quickly: "What is your name? What is the maximum velocity of a giant eagle? What is the capital of Arnor?"
The balrog did not count on this: "My name? I don't have a name... aaaargh What's yours?"
But Gandalf did not expect this last question either. "Mithran... no ganda... aaargh... Run away!", he shouts, as he falls down the abyss.
Frodo cries, "I can't believe he is really dead. He cannot be gone."
Boromir assures him "No, he's dead allright."
Frodo can't stop thinking about him. "Remarkable wizard, that Gandalf... beautiful fireworks."
"The fireworks don't enter into it! He's stone dead!"
"He's resting."
"Look Frodo, that wizard is definitely deceased."
But Frodo said, "He is probably pining for the Grey Havens."
Boromir answered, "Pining for the Grey Havens? What kind of talk is that and why did he fall down that gorge?"
"He prefers dramatic escapes! It's for his idiom."
"He fell from that tall bridge into the abyss!"
Frodo has an answer: "Of course. He'll beat up that Balrog, get on a broomstick, and VOOOM."
Boromir simply can't believe it: "Mate that wizard wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through him! He's bleedin' demised!"
"Noo, he's pining..."
Boromir raises his voice: "HE'S NOT PINING, he has passed on! He's expired, gone to meet Illuvatar. This is an ex-Istari. If he hadn't fallen beyond recall he'd be pushing up the elenor by now!"
Note. This piece was originally written in tv/film script format. This is the reason why there is a lot of dialogue, but very little descriptive material. Please use your imagination to fill in the gaps - it is a parody anyway, so some images may already be there inside your head.