Chapter 11
They slept lying on the furs on the ground. Lexa hadn't give Clarke any hint about how the sleeping arrangements would be, so Clarke stayed with Ikya. She spend most of the evening getting to know her teacher better, occasionaly sending a glance to Lexa to see if that was okay for her. Apparently it was, according to the small grin she received each time she catched her eye. Heda slept on her own, with her personal fire pit, while everyoneelse was arround the other hearth.
Ikya was a nice company and Clarke could tell she'd be good for her. The teenager was the youngest among them, and it seems that the warriors were subtly giving her some encouragement treatment. A way to boost her confidence and welcome her on the team, or something. Clarke found it cute, how during the evening some big guy would send her a nod, some other a grunt or a wink. Ceilin even gave her slightly more stew than the others, before joining their conversation in the late night.
Now they are riding again, but their journey is coming to an end. Ceilin is acting with ease and Clarke likes that about the warrior. She is used to Grounders giving her looks, some with resentement for what the call the Ring of Fire, some with fear for the Mountain, some with suspicion for her technology. It is new to have Grounders looking at her with genuine interest. She can feel the begining of friendships here. First with Rider - even if he wouldn't put it like that, she knows he acts tough only for show while he is a soft teddy bear inside -, now with Ikya and Ceilin. She has to admit, when she first meet Anya, then Indra and Lexa, she thought all Grounder women were hard. She was wrong. Not only Lexa proved her wrong from the moment she kissed her in her tent, but Ikya with her bright smile and Ceilin with her easy mood are very much accessible. Maybe it is a question of position, Clarke musses. Ikya is just becoming an official warrior, she has no rank yet, while Ceilin is clearly a horse person. Clarke found out she is like a stable girl, she is in charge of the horses, taking care of them, feeding them, healing them and such. The woman knows a lot about this animals, and she likes to share her passion. Yes, Clarke found out as well, Ceilin can be quite a talker, which in itself is so strange when she knows how Grounders value silence.
This second riding day went by pretty fast with the new friends. They are talking about the various brands of horses and all the difference there is between a steed train for war and one train for farming - to be exact Ceilin is doing all the talking and Clarke tries to comprehend her fast Trigedasleng - when the forest clears, revealing TonDC. The new TonDC.
It looks like Indra decided to rebuilt the village at the same spot, salvaging as much as she could, building up from there. Traces of the bomb are everywhere, and starting to know Grounders Clarke guesses they must be taking this new scenary with pride. It is proof that they survived, yet again, an other day on the Ground, surviving the Mountain men after decades of harassment. It is also a gesture of respect and remembrance for those who died that terrible day.
Clarke doesn't have time to observe more. Now that they are close, the worriors change formation. The personal guards move with practise, positionning on two lines behind the Commander who is riding first. The Ikru worriors come next. Not knowing what to do in all of this, Clarke choses to stay with Ikya, being the two new additions to the party. She knows that if Lexa wants it otherwise she will let her know. Or Rider. From what she observed during the journey, Rider seems to be in command of Heda's guard and relay most of her orders. So, as long as nor Rider nor Lexa tell her anything, Clarke takes her liberties.
The party's mood changes from playfuly relaxed to formal, almost ceremonial. Clarke remembers the various rituals she witnessed or those Lincoln told her about. The Grounders are a celebrative people. Heda is the godess. There must be protocol to her visit to one of her clan's leader. The man wearing a mask made of leather and metal spikes blow a horn next to the Commander, warning their arriving, even though the scouts around the village must have already warn their chief. It is all part of the ceremonial. As soon as the three blows are done, the party moves again, adopting a slow pace. Everybody strenghtens their back, head high, staying in line. They are accompanying the Heda, it is a great honor. The pride and greatness is almost palpable, and surprisingly Clarke doesn't find it funny at all.
She finds herself swept in it, swimming in the sacred moment. She can feel the energy shifting, amplifying. She chances a look to Ikya at her right, wanting to ask about that, but the teenager is focused on the ceremony as is everyone else, sending her own energy into the mix of growing power stance.
Heda is coming.
/
Indra is alone to greet them. She stands on foot under her Commander's hard stare, in front of the open gates of TonDC. There is only silence as the crowd behind the village' walls watches with adoring expression. Their Heda is mounting her stallion, her face fierce as the war goddess that she is. She looks down at her subbordonate and immediatly Indra falls on her knees in the dust. This is a Trikru village, their connexion to Heda is that of a true believer. They are truly submitted to her. The sight is that much powerfull that it is Indra that is showing her pledge and total devotion. Indra, the bitch warrior with a temper, is kneeling, head bow, arms open palms up in an offrand gesture. She offers herself and her village, her life and all of the lives behind her, to the Heda.
This demonstration sends chills on Clarke's spine.
The atmosphere is full of energy, it is not a tension exactly, more an exchange of allegiance and absolut domination. Heda's massive energy includes everything and everyone around, reaching far, touching every man, woman and child. She gives them her blessing and protection, as they send her their submission and devotion. Nothing is said in the silence, though. Clarke can only guess what she senses. She doesn't try to look at Ikya again, knowing that every Grounder is totaly entranced by the welcoming ritual.
Clarke counts twenty respirations before Lexa finaly moves, ever so slowly. With her boots she nudges her stallion's side. The white horse walks, erases the distance between the Commander and the general, before stopping to Indra's left. The clan leader reaches out, touches Heda' boot with her left hand, puts her right hand flate on her own chest, and waits. Her Commander bents a little, lays her left hand on the top of her head. They stay there for three respirations, Clarke counts, sharing whatever mystic energy she doesn't comprehend, the blessing gesture evident, before removing their hands, Indra standing up. They exchange a few words Clarke doesn't hear from her spot, then they start off toward the village, side by side, Heda on her horse, Indra on foot, the rest of the party moving behind.
Still a little dazed by the show of power, Clarke has to swallow a few times before she finds her composture again, then she softly kicks Danish's flank to keep up with the group.
/
Since Clarke is riding behind with her new friends, Indra doesn't notice her right away, and Clarke is so grateful for it ! If she can delay the meeting with the harsh general she is going to take the opportunity. Leaving Lexa to her Heda's responsabilities, Clarke stays with Ikya,. From the eleven personal guards, six warriors stay flanking the Commander while she walks with Indra deeper in TonDC, already speaking about clans's stuff. The rest of the group breaks stance.
Clarke dismounts rather ungracefuly, grunting and massaging her behind and her inner thighs, so busy trying to revive her muscles she barely register how her display makes her teacher laught. She sends her a playful wink, already confortable with Ikya. After jumping a little to keep her blood flowing in her legs while quickly massaging her neck, she grabs Darish's ropes then others, leading gently the horses with Ceilin, out of the village, in the green pasture they saw east of the fence. It is a task she discovered she likes, taking care of horses, and she likes it even more knowing she does her share in their traveling company.
Ikya fallows, as the girl doesn't have a clear place either, well, except for the teaching Clarke part. Clarke doesn't know exactly what shape this teaching thing is gonna take, and quite frankly it's obvious Ikya doens't know either. They are both new in the dynamic of things, both for different reasons, but still Clarke is relieved to not be the only one not quite fitting yet. She chooses not to point how she however is the only one coming from the sky. Tsss, pretty soon everyone will forget about that tiny little detail.
'Your head is running, you are not focus on what you are doing.'
Clarke's head jerks up, eyes wide.
'Huh ?' she asks a little dazzle. Her brain doesn't want to translate.
Ikya just stares at her, waiting. Darish is nudging her shoulder from behind, clearly expecting her to free him from all her bagage and saddle, and all of the sudden she just feels like she isn't quite in her body, like she is in a mushy cloud. Ikya keeps staring at her, hard, and Clarke finds herself becoming more aware of her body now, she feels like she is coming back to her senses. She swallows.
'What was that ?' her voice is a whisper, barely strong enough to be heard. Ikya hears it.
'You were out of your body. I put you back' she shrugs a shoulder, her eyes never leaving Clarke's. The disbilief must be written all over Clarke's face, but still she feels the need to ask :
'What?"
Ikya relaxes her stance, blinks, releasing Clarke of her stare. She sighs. 'Speak our language Klark'
Our language. It is Clarke's turn to blink. She doesn't know if Ikya means that Trigendashleng is to be Clarke's language as well, like she is meant to be one of them. One of the Grounders. That thought sends warmth in her belly, and she knows she wants that. She wants to be one of the Earth inhabitant, fully.
'Sha' she answers strongly yet with a bit of shyness left in her voice.
Ikya nods her approval. She doesn't say anything, only moving her eyes behind her, raising an eyebrow. Clarke suddenly remembers Darish is still waiting and she jumps a little in surprise, her body already moving to turn. Ikya's hand on her forearm stops her movement.
'Stop.' Clarke does as she says, aware of the tone of her voice. 'Now relax your body.' Again Clarke does as instructed. 'Relax more. Breath. Breath out with your mouth and relax.' Clarke sends a questionning look Ikya's way. The girl release her hold, her eyes in Clarke's she starts breathing with her. Slowly Clarke turns to stand fully in front of her teacher, never breaking contact. She focuses on her breathing, opens her mouth, relaxes her jaw and let the air leave her lungs. 'Relax your face.' At first, Clarke doesn't understand, but then she realises she is tense. She loosens the muscles around her eyes, her forehead, her eyelids. Her breathing becomes deep. 'Good. Now relax you neck.' It is like her body knows what to do before she thinks of it. It fallows Ikya's strong yet gentle voice and she feels the base of her skull easing. 'Relax your shoulders.' Her shoulders suddenly feel heavy, sharp. With a breath she lets them drop their weight. 'Good. Now relax all your body.' Ikya's voice doesn't waver, guiding her in a peacefull state. Clarke's eyes are still on hers when Ikya cracks a smile with a rewarding nod. 'Good. That will do for now. You will learn more latter.'
When Clarke starts to move and automaticly straightens herself Ikya raises both her eyesbrows. 'What ar you doing ?' She doesn't wait for an answer. 'You are becoming tense again. stay relax. Relax your body.' She waits with a tilt of her head and Clarke complies, focusing on her body again.
Ikya moves her hands on her hips, frows a little with her gaze lost on the ground, before scaning Clarke's form with a criticizing look. 'You do not know to center yourself ' she says it more to herself thant to Clarke, as if just realising something important. She looks like she is reading Clarke with new eyes. Clarke waits without a word, a little anxious about the scrutening. It is like being under a microscope, Ikya looking for flaws or something. Clarke is about to clear her throat, fidgeting a little, when Ikya's eyes lends on her. She swallows. Stops fidgeting. She quickly realises she is tense again, and tries discretly to release her posture. However Ikya isn't fooled, she clearly sees her. She smirks at her with a playfull quirk of her eyebrow.
'Okay then. First step : learn to be and to stay centered.'
/
Clarke stays with Ceilin for the rest of the day, which isn't much longer. They arrived at TonDC mid-afternoon and it took something like three hours to properly take care and situate the horses correctly. They have remove the saddles, brush, feed and wattered them, talking to them smoothly. They cleaned their shoes, then, while Ceilin went asking where they could be left to relax in a meadow of green grass with enough sun and tree's shadows, Clarke took the opportunity to bound with Darish. The horse had quickly become a companion. Clarke was surprised as when she first mounted him they were both strangers traveling together, but now at the end of the second day, she feels a connexion coming from him to her, and from her to him.
'Klark'
She grunts under her breath, and quickly focuses on her task. Well, it's not much of a task as it is a pleasure since she is currently eating some really good bread and cheese, soaking it in the exquisite soup before eating it with delight, but the constant reminder is greeting on her nerves.
She's been hearing Ikya's voice saying the same thing, with the same tone, over and over for the past six hours now. 'Klark' Everytime she lost her focus, Ikya's stern warning cracks : 'Klark'. Everytime she thinks a little too much : 'Klark' . When she becomes a little bit rigid and somewhat appears to be tensing : 'Klark'.
Ikya has become her personal shadow, making herself forgotten until she snaps a 'Klark' comment here and there, making Clarke dislike her own name little by little.
It is the end of the day, Clarke is tired from the ride, from the horses, , from everything, but Ikya doesn't relent. It is clear that the teaching isn't happening on a scheduled moment of the day. All the day is a teaching moment. Clarke grunts some more, swallows her wining reflex. She reminds herself that she is here to learn, that she chooses to learn. No one is forcing her to stay or do anything.
She glances at Ikya accross from her, who is tchating animatly with a man. Her teacher is so full of life, so full of joy, Clarke remembers Lexa's comment from last night. She is full of light. The girl is giving her the 'Klark' - yes, it is becoming a thing - to help her grow, to help her touch and embrass her own light.
It is for her own good, she reminds herself.
So she fosuses once more on her meal, not talking with anyone. She focuses on the taste, on the warmth, on the feel of the bowl in her hands, on the wooden curve touching her fingertips. She focuses on her body, keeping it relaxed, adjusting her position against the rock on her back. She breaths fully, smells the smook, smeels the vegetation in the dark. She listens to the cracks of fire, she watches the dancing flames. She centers herself.
Ikya doesn't stop her conversation but still sends her a wink with a knowing smile.
Clarke smiles back.
/
There is a routin of sort now. Since the moment Clarke had put her foot down arriving on the village's ground, she quickly realised that everyone stopped speaking english with her. They are all speaking Trigedashlang, whether she gets it or not.
Ikya is still watching her every move. Even more, she is watching her everything. The only moment Clarke is relieved of her teacher is when she is with Lexa, which isn't much. Not much at all.
Heda is busy.
In the three days since their arrival, Clarke only saw her lover in the middle of the nights, where she has the energy to open her eyes, that is.
The first night at TonDC, Clarke had been shaken awake by Lexa while she was soundly sleeping in the big commun tent with the rest of the group. They had eat together, laugh together, no one giving Clarke special treatment and no one leaving her aside. Rider had develop this annoying habit to throw her random things for her to catch quickly if she doesn't want to get smack in the head.
The days around him have the same pattern : throwing - catching/dodging - laughing. Clarke isn't at the laughing part yet, but Rider clearly laughs enough for two. For the next two days she had tried to avoid him and it worked, until Ceilin started throwing random things at her to. Wide-eyed, Clarke had stayed staring at her in disbelief for a while, until Ikya had told her to focus. Damn. They are on her hard, and it isn't stopping.
It seemed only natural to Clarke to sleep in the same quarters as the others. She had briefly wondered about Lexa, wishing to join her if possible, but Heda had diseappeared and wasn't giving any sign to her. Until the middle of the night, that is, when Lexa had wake her up with a caress on her cheek and a charming smile only for her to see, grabbing her sleepy limbs and almost carrying her to her hut. Her guard didn't bat an eyelash at their passing, the rest of the village sound asleeping as they should at this hour, and Clarke had crashed on the cosy bed, already lost to the world, vaguely registering a giggleing sound in her ear as she had fall back asleep.
When she wakes up today, the fourth day in TonDC now, she is again all alone in the bed, in the bedroom, in the hut. Lexa is out. Clarke hums but it is not with resentement or frustration. She accepts it, all of it. She is learning to be centered, and even if it is hard - and it is extremely difficult, making her brain hurt sometimes, not used to staying so focused all the time - she starts to really like her alone time. She misses Lexa, of course, she would love to spend more time with her, awake preferably, but still, she can manage fine without her. She can manage perfectly with only Clarke herself as company.
With a lazy smile, she stretches on the furs. It is easier to feel her body know, how she can release the tensions, bend her limbs in a certain way as to be more confortable. She learns the subtlety of her own body, how moving a little bit makes all the difference between stiff and fully relaxed. She breathes more clearly too. She enjoys playing with her lungs, pushing her diaphragm all the way down, lossening her jaw to exheale or yawn at full length.
She feels content.
For now she is alone in the hut, she knows it without getting up to check. The Heda's hut - / tent / house / wherever she puts her stuff making it her place to stay for the moment - is only for Heda to visit. It is private. Clarke is the only one allowed to go there, to stay there. To live here.
It is official.
She remembers the first morning here. After Lexa dragged her to their bed, Clarke woke up alone, took her good time exploring every inch of the place before going out. She remembers the open stares of the villagers, not accustomed to seeing her or anyone with Heda, looking at her probably for the first time, with a mixture of emotions Clarke chosed not to read. She had her necklace on, like Lexa told her to, as she casualy made her way to the Heda's personal guards tent. It had been empty, of course. Clarke had been the only one to sleep late. Not surprisingly, she had found Ceilin at the meadow and stayed with her until lunch.
Today though, Clarke is supposed to get up and join Ikya. No breakfast. She wants her to be empty stomach for their 'morning practise', as she said. Clarke doesn't know what to expect, so she doesn't try to think about it. Instead she focuses on her dressing. Lexa gave her clothes. She is speaking Trigedashlang, she is learning meditation, she is wearing Grounder's clothing.
She is still smiling when she goes to find Ikya.
She knows she is a loner, she claims that, she loves that. She loves not to be owned by anyone or anything. Still, she starts to feel like she belongs.
/
Ikya isn't alone in the little clearing close to the horses's field. Ceilin is with her, which isn't much of a surprise seeing how the woman breath everything horse related. Clarke briefy wonders if she sleeps with the animals, now that she thinks about it, she can't recall seing her in the commun tent with the other warriors.
If Ceilin's presence isn't surprinsing, Rider's totaly is. The man, tall and silent as usual, seems bigger surrouded by women. He is currently sitting on the ground with his back on a tree. The tree is large, strong, with little weaves slowly starting to appear on the dark bark of it. Immediatly his eyes spot her, but he doesn't say anything, waiting. For what, Clarke has no idea. This little meeting is bizarre, and a bit frightening as she is here for a practise lesson...
There is a third women in the group, one of the personal guard Clarke didn't get a chance to meet properly. She is talking quietly with Ceilin, the horse lover clearly enthralled by her. The sight amazes Clarke a little, and she has to blink to make sure of it. Ceilin is actually silent, listening to someone obviously as chatty as she is, never trying to take the discussion back into her mouth. The subject of discussion must be quite particular for that to happen, but then Clarkes has only known Ceilin for four days, maybe the woman can be quiet. She is, actually, when she is with the horses. It's like there is a on and off button to trigger or stop the bubbly part of Ceilin, and clearly the new woman knows how to push it. Clarke will have to learn that trick.
It is Ikya that adknowledges her presence. She calls a 'Klark' her way, still playing on a tree branch above ground, and the sound of her voice is not a welcoming call. It is the tone of her 'Klark focus' reprimand. Well, hello to you too.
Clarke rolls her eyes at her teacher with a playful humpf, before concentrating on her breathing, her stance and feeling her body. Satisfied, Ikya only nods her way before leaping from her sitting point, looping expertly in the air and landing softly on her heels, without a sound. Okay, that was impressive. The girl is agile, small and quiet, her short brun hair pointing in all directions without a care, her whole outfit is close to her body, like a second skin, making her thin, able to snick on tiny places. Like a spy, Clarke muzes.
Ikya tilts her head at her, an eyebrow raised. Oh, right. No thinking allowed. Clarke sends her an apologetic grin and advance to meet her.
'Did you eat ?'
She shakes her head no. Ikya nods at her, quickly scans her body with a critizised eye and moves behind her. Her hands are already in Clarke's blond locks, taking it out of her face, streching each one in a messy braid. In an instant the work is done and Ikya is in front of her again, a pleased smile on her lips. Still without asking Clarke's permission, the girl then proceeds to take off Clarke's wool blanket that she has spread around herself to keep warm in the chilling morning. Clarke shivers and makes a noise between a whimper and a protest which leaves Ikya totally indifferent. She keeps the piece of clothing with her, looking at Clarke with a stern face.
Clarke swallows. Time to work.
'Your mind is still strong, we will make it tired first, then you will start meditate.' Clarke nods before quircking both her eyebrows in a silent questionmark. A bright smile stretches on Ikya's face. 'Ceilin, Rider, Olya and me will throw you different things. Your first task is to avoid touching them.'
Clarke's brows furrow, she isn't sure of the translation for that. 'What?' Rider must reconize her expression, he is the one who tought her the most, after all. He knows her 'i don't understand what you say' face. With a smirk Clarke knows well, he rises from his sit, towering them all, shows her some rock he has in his big hand, tossing it up and down. The mirth in his eyes grows when he says 'You' He points to her. Clarke barely refrains from rolling her eyes. She doesn't want to miss the instructions. 'No' he shakes his head from left to right. No. 'Touch'
Clarke-no-touch. She nods, a little puzzled by the words, before Rider adds an other word in the mix. 'This' His strong voice rings in her ears, the warning clear, and suddenly everything makes sense. The rock is no longer in his hand, but flying directly toward her arm. She yelps in a startled jump, her body instinctively moving out of the way. The throw was fast but Rider obviously made it somewhat slow, aiming for the outside of her arm. Easy to dodge.
Her heart pumping harder than the minute before, Clarke sees Rider's nod, Ikya's nod and Ceilin and the woman - Olya, was it ? - bending to grab something in their respective hands.
'Wait...'
Clarke raises her hands in an attempt to delay the exercice, but none of them pay her any attention. Quickly they spread on a loose line in front of her. Olya, being at the far left, starts throwing first. She aims for the feet and Clarke easely jumps up, letting the piece of wood slide behind her. She barely finds her balance again when Ceilin, second in line of fire, tosses her something else. Clarke's body reflex takes over, her hand flying to catch the thing. Her eyes reconise the shape, Lincoln shown her how to start a fire with this type of wood. A pine cone.
'No-touch' Ikya reminds her with this tone of voice, her teacher voice, already throwing a new something her way. Clarke dodges, bending to the right, the thing passing where her left shoulder was a second ago. The throw was much precise, and much faster. Clarke grunts at that, but already Rider sends her flying on the ground to prevend getting hit by a stone. She rolls on her back to stand, but she doesn't have time for it. Olya is on her, with an other freaking projectil aiming her head this time, sending Clarke flat on the ground with a humf, all the air leaving her lungs.
Greeting her teeth she quickly collects herself on her legs, muscles bend, ready.
It's on.
/
The throwing exercice last something like an hour. An hour while Clarke feels like a big target with flashing neon. During this time, the throwing has increase leaving less time between the projectiles. Then the speed of the throws increases. Then the aiming increases. At the end, Clarke fels like a dancing monkey, moving up and down, left and right, her whole body sweating. She is glad for the braid.
Finaly the throwing stop. She is breathing hard, mouth open, hands on her knees, body shaking. That is when Ikya changes the game. 'Now you catch' Clarke's brain isn't working at the moment, unable to translate, and ikya seems satisfied by that. Seeing her blank face, Rider calls her, tossing an other freaking rock up and down in his hand. He says 'take', before throwing the thing at her. Still brainless, her hand understands before her mind, her sweaty fingers catch the rock before it smack on her face. Oh... Rider nods to her, Olya picks up a random piece of wood, and it starts again.
So. Half an hour dodging, half an hour catching, a great way to wake up and start the day. When it is over Clarke finds herself spread out on the ground, arms wild open, eyes blinking not seeing the sky, breathing hard. She gulps air, her blood pumping in her ears, her muscles hot, her skin glistening. Her clothes are all dusty now, and she is glad it didn't rain for days, so at least the ground isn't muddy. Yes, at this point she is grateful for small things.
The throwing party is quiet. Clarke vaguely registers Ikya's voice before the pixie girl's face appears right in front of her, blocking the sky view. Her content smile is charming, really, and Clarke finds she doesn't feel any frustration or resentment, only fatigue and relief.
'Calm your breathing.'
Clarke blinks once, telling her she understands. Slowly, she starts to focus on her breath, expanding her inhaling and her exhaling. Her heartbeat calms, her lungs are less starving for air. Her chest isn't jumping all arround anymore, her body is still trembling but there is a peace that is spreading in her. She can take a long breath now, holding it a little before exhaling it. She is still looking at the sky, not really seeing it, totally focused on her breath.
'Good' she hears close to her right. 'Now breath in with you nose, stop, breath out with your mouth, stop. Again' Clarke does as she is told, not even waiting for her brain to translate. She understands without it. Her brain doesn't work right now, which is what Ikya wanted all along.
Her breath is longer now, steadier also. Slowly Clarke finds her body fonctions, she blinks at the sky, seing it, she closes her dry, cold, mouth, her heavy tongue swallows the remains of her saliva. She moves her fingers a little, feeling them with a new perspective. She feels her whole body like it is heavy and complex, made of a multitude of composants, which is the case, she always knew it, being the daughter of a doctor she knows about the cells, joining together, creating body parts, molding those body parts together, the tissu becoming lungs, lungs connecting to heart, heart spreading veins in every corner of the flesh... It is infinite, it is a whole world beneath the skin. Her body. She feels it now. More than understanding rationnaly, she feels it. She is aware of herself.
'Don't think Klark. Just feel.' Ikya's voice is a murmure, knowing how sensitive Clarke is right now. 'Feel, and breath'
She doesn't move, she doesn't want to. She feels everything heighten. Her body temperature drops, a chill makes her shiver, but it doesn't last. Ikya spreads something on top of her, a blanket maybe. It doesn't matter what it is, she isn't cold anymore. She can stay here and feel.
First she is feeling her own body, feeling the revelation of her cells connecting, creating her flesh and blood. She feels the energy making it hold together, the magnetic field vibrating from the electrons in each cell. She is humming. She vibrates. She feels how all of her physical body is made of pure energy.
Then she feels the connexion with her surrounding. She senses the ground under her, the sky above. She hears the quiet sound of trees, of wind. Most of all she feels the energy pulsing from them, all arround. She feels the same nature of energy, the same essence they are made of. They are all the same. They are all pure energy.
Beyond the shapes, beyond the individualities and complexities of life on Earth, Clarke graps the essence of it all. Eveything that is, was, and ever will be, is born of energy. That is all there is. The rest is irrelevant. Nothing matters but this essential truth that she touches now.
It is important, and it is not a knowledge of the mind. It is a divin perception.
She feels the vibration increasing. She gasps from it's intensity. She connects, so much, so deep, she feels it radiating from the center of her chest. Something strong, inpowering, pulses inside of her, a part of her, she feels, so deep and so true it cannot be named. It is beyond words and she doesn't have to name it. She knows. Her higher consciousness knows what it is. It is beautiful. She doesn't fear it, far from it, she embrasses it. She relishes to feel it coming to the surface of herself, taking charge of herself. She feels happy, she feels whole, she feels like she finaly allows herself to be full, to be her true self. It is a wonderfull state.
She wants to let go, to stay in this consciousness forever, but she can feel herself sliping. A part of her awakes and starts resisting, questionning. She tries to quiet it, she tries to find this state of essence again, but it isn't there anymore. It is out of reach. Her mind has started again, even for a brief moment, it is enough to break the depth of her trance. The humming decreases rapidly, and she can do nothing to stop it. Soon she lost her connexion to the cells and she is just Clarke again, lying on the ground, looking at the sky. The revelation out of reach. For now.
For she had a tast of bliss and she wants to reach it again.
For now, she accepts her defeat. She only touched it for a second, it seems, before her rationnal mind started questionning and controling again. It didn't last long. But she lived it. That is a victory on itself. She knows it is only a matter of time before her brain behave, before she can stay longer.
She blinks at the sky, clenchs her fists a little, swallows. She knows the process. She integrates her body like sliping on a suit, making sure she isn't still half out of her body. Lincoln told her it is important, so she stays healthy and strong. Not fully slipping on her body makes her vulnerable when she ends her meditation. She doesn't understand the mecanics of it, but she trusts Lincoln and his experience.
She finishes coming back and finally moves slowly to sit. It is her blanket that is spread on her then. Ever so slowly, Clarke finally turns her head to her right, her eyes finding Ikya's. The girl's eyes are a deep green with a touch of grey, Clarke remarks, her focus still sharp. When their eyes lock, Clarke can see the power of her teacher, the brewing energy. This girl knows the way to the state Clarke only discovered minutes ago, she knows the feeling she just experienced, but in a much better, stronger, stabler way.
Ikya cracks a beaming smile, her eyes finishing to bring Clarke back to her body. 'Good' she says 'you know how to come back. It is important you always come back completely before standing' Her stare is strong, making sure Clarke understand. She does.
Ikya breaks her serious face with an other bright smile. She is always smiling, except when she is sternly commanding Clarke with her teaching voice, that is.
'Now, let's go eat something.'
Clarke doesn't know if she is hungry. She notices the sun is high, she spend the morning practising, but she feels oddly sated. Ikya eyes her a moment while they march toward the village. 'You are not hungry' She states. Clarke shrugs, wrapping herself in her blanket for a little more warmth. 'It is normal. When you meditate you feed on energy itself.' Clarke processes the information in silence, witnessing her own body and her sensations, remembering. 'It is natural to not want to eat. When one dedicates himself to meditation the body chooses to not eat, it is easier to meditate with an empty stomach. And your body stays alive by the energy you breath. You will start eating less, it is natural. Eat when you are hungry, drink when you are thirsty. Do not eat of drink if your body does not want to.' Here is the stern face and teaching voice again. 'When you start being hungry, in half a candle, you will drink only hot water first. Then you will eat not much, and slowly. I will watch you'
Like any other moment of everyday. It isn't said, but it rings in the air all the same.
/
After her light lunch it comes naturely to go toward the horses, east of the village. Clarke only waves to Ceilin before chosing a spot to crash, and sleeping soundly. She is out for hours it seems, trusting her friends to guard her, knowing the horses will make some loud noises if anything is amist.
She awakes later to the sound of laughter. Ikya, her shadow, is still here, looking out for her while playing some game with Ceilin. Intrigued, Clarke joins them and they spend the next hours teaching the rules. It is a set of multiple smooth wooden sticks with carvings on the tip. The pieces are spread all over a large wooden board with no apparent order. The goal is to take the sticks one by one without disturbing anything else. Turns out the sticks are very sensitive and even when the rules are simple it isn't easy to accomplish.
It amazes Clarke how even some simple game has an underlying purpose of perfectionning one's skills of observing, of moving, of thinking. While laughing lightly and teasing each other, trying to distract the player focused on retrieving a stick, Clarke is still learning. She learns to steady her hand, even her breath, relax her posture and ever more centering herself. She is proud of herself each time she manages to capture one, she archives each time she fails, noting how to improve next time it is her turn to play.
At the end of the game, it doesn't matter who retrieved the most sticks. Clarke's hands are more steady, her shoulders more relaxed, her breath strong. Without a word Ceilin gathers the sticks, bending them with a lace, before thrusting them with the board on Clarke's chest. 'You can practise' She says with a smirk. Okay, even if they didn't point a winner Clarke was definetly the loser of the game. But, she reminds herself with a pleased optimism, she is new to this, to all of this, and she is learning fast.
She grabs it with a smirk of her own, her confidence showing, before leaving Ceilin to take care of the horses, Ikya on her heels.
Clarke has been in TonDC for four days now, but she still hadn't find the courage to explore it. Since arriving she stayed with the group, eating with them at the large tent posted outside the village. Only Heda and a few of her closest guards -Rider being one of them, always being at Heda's side, so Clarke didn't get to see him much - had huts prepared for them among the buildings. Since Clarke was bounding with Ceilin and Ceilin was constantly outside at the field, the opportunity to walk down the streets didn't present itself. Really.
Okay, maybe she doesn't want to bump into someone. Maybe she doesn't want to be reconized, to be point as the Sky leader she isn't anymore. She likes how, with her Grounder clothes and her entourage, she feels like she blends in, even if her group wouldn't quit agree with that seeing how she is still loud when she walks. Even as she still cary her gun with her, discreatly tucked under her clothes. Still, she feels like she belong, and it's a nice feeling she doesn't want to jeopartize by becoming a subject of curiosity. Even if she is already attracting too much attention by living in the Heda's quarters.
Hum...
Fine, she is hiding from Indra.
There, she can admit that. The woman is scary. And even with the war over Clarke isn't inclined to see if the General has an other expression than her angry/murderous face. She very much doubt it. And she doesn't want to be proven right, she really doesn't. Or wrong, for that matter. Who knows what sort of expression Indra can bear on her face. Clarke tries to imagine Indra with a caring smile on her lips, eyes brillant. It sents chills down her spine. Even that image is scary. And disturbing. She is grateful then for the 'Klark' warning that snaps from up in the branch of the tree she is lining on, scolding her once more for zoning out.
/
For three days Clarke weaks up, skips breakfast, meets Ikya, Olya, Ceilin and Rider at the field for the 'throw exercices'. They are increasing the pace everyday while circulating around her at the same time, and Clarke finds she can relie on her inner reflexes instead of her mind to know when to jump, croutch, turn. Her mind learns to quiet and let her instinct, her intuition, take the lead. After that she meditates in search for the bliss state, staying there as long as she can. But eventualy her mind starts again, wondering about how long she achieves to medidate now, is it more ? how more ? Or she wonders what Lexa is doing, or if it is warm enough to go for a swim... From that point she lost her balance, the trance is cut to an end, and she is greated with Ikya's approving smile.
Part of the afternoons are lazy for Clarke. After asking Ikya about the program after her very light lunch and the girl each time only responding 'nothing' with her easy smile, Clarke is left with all the liberty to do... Well, her first wish is always to go lie down for a big nap, bathing in the sun. Those morning exercices are exhausting. That being said, her ability to focus has increased tremendously already. Ikya's stern 'Klark' rings less and less often during the days. That is improvement.
Her brain adapts even to the language, she isn't taking moments to translate anymore. She understands without passing the words through her dictionary. Most of the words anyway. The fact that, since Ikru, Rider and her has kept their singing moments at the end of the day, is helping a lot. That, and the fact that she can read people's intentions now. She feels more than she ears the meaning of their sentences. Rider tells her she reads their energy flow, she sees what they want to tell and it makes it easier for her to understand the words. Her intuition helps her understand what is going on arround her with a new set of communication : reading people.
She had already touched that capacity early on, crashing on Earth. Her survival had depend on her instinct, to decypher once's intentions quickly, assessing threats, she 'trusted her gut' every waking moment up until the end of the Mountain. The end of the war. So she is familiar with the concept, but she was on survivor mode then, not paying attention at her inner working. She didn't understand herself, back then, she didn't have time to.
Now they are at peace and she is using her reading differently.
Clarke finds herself quiet most of the time, observing, learning. She likes watching people interact, their postures, their eyes, their hands. Even when they don't move they say something, she feels it in the air arround them. Their energy.
She hasn't realised it before Rider pointed it out, but she has develop a sense of observation where she not only watches, but absorbs as well. She watches warriors sparing, watches their feet, their fluidity, their immediat movements and adaptation. She sees how their mind has no place in a hand to hand fight, how it is only instinct that speaks, telling them what to do, when to block, when to punch in bluring motions. That, and a very muscular body sculpted to comply.
There is a desire in her own body, when she looks at the training warriors. Her body wants to be strong too. She talks to Rider about it once, he tells her 'one step at a time', before reminding her the throwing exercices she receives every morning are already making her stronger physicaly as well as mentaly.
/
She still only rejoin Lexa in the middle of nights, barely conscious enough to snuggle close to her, breathing in her scent, falling back to sleep.
/
It's her alone time of the afternoon - as alone she can be with a silent shadow somewhere lurking around. She slept her nap away like a rock, as usual, played catching sticks with Olya and now she is sitting on a piece of wood looking at the ashes of the dead fire close to the commun tent, and she is bored.
It is a good bored. Her morning was exhausting, her little lunch and nap very refreshing, and now she enjoys her quiet time for herself, the game sticks tucked at her belt next to her gun.
She is relaxing, fingers playing in the grey ashes, remains of the fire, feeling the dust on her fingertips, drawning lazy patterns. She is focused on what she is doing - the only reason why Ikya hasn't 'Klarked' her yet - , but somehow it isn't her mind that is drawing. She sings softly an improvised melody with no words, as her hand moves on it's own accord, creating random figures.
She hears someone moving at her right, someone walking toward her with an obvious attempt at making her know about it. She smiles at the attention, as she already feels who it is that's coming. She doesn't stop her hand or her voice, still engrossed in her patterns as Lexa settles next to her. They stay like this a moment, Lexa letting her finish whatever it is that she is doing, and finaly the song comes to an end as Clarke's fingers slow their motion before becoming still. It is done.
She doesn't look at it. She just blinks a few times, swallows, and realises that she is acting as if coming out of meditation. She was in a soft trance and she hasn't realised it.
A warm calloused hand sneaks around her waist, seeking skin. Lexa's side is pressed to hers now, she can feel her strong body. Her own body responds with a shiver, leaning against her as she turns her head to meet green eyes. The color of her iris is intensified by the dark mask marring the Heda's face.
A small smile on her lips, Lexa says 'Klark' in a way that makes Clarke guessing she only says it because she loves to say it. It is not convenient, it is not necessary, it is only because she wants to say it, to feel it rolling in her tongue. Clarke leans her head closer, not touching yet. She loves hearing her name when Lexa says it, the reverence and love she puts in it is like a caress under her skin, right into her heart. She makes a mental note to ask Ikya to correct her with something else other than repeating her name with her stern teaching voice – maybe a snap of fingers or a 'tssss' could do as efficiently as calling her Klark all the time.
She wants to associate her name with the gentleness Lexa puts to it.
'You're here' Clarke whispers. Her thumb stroks Lexa's cheek, avoiding the black waves under her eyes, the other fingers spread behind her ear at the beginning of the intricated braids.
She can feel it, the bubble starting to envelop them, keeping the Ground out. It is one of those little moments they manage to creat when they can, mostly when Heda can. They don't speak of politics, they don't speak of training, they only are, together, sharing the same space, sharing the same air, looking at one another. Being.
Clarke is quickly learning to accept those little moments, to live them at full intensity. And to let them go.
For now they are together, eyes locked, smiling at each other, strocking skins. They don't speak, they don't need to. Clarke sighs with content, starts leaning toward a waiting mouth, her own tongue licking her lips in anticipation. Each time they kiss is both like the first time and so much more. It is perfect.
But they don't get to tast each other now, as a groumpy voice cuts in. 'Heda, there is the matter to talk about'
The bubble is no more. Clarke swallows. Accepts it.
Without missing a beat, Heda's strong voice rises. 'Come, Indra'
Green eyes still on her, Clarke represses a grunt and Lexa sees it, sending her a smirk only for her to see. She knows Clarke has been avoiding her, quite successfully. Until now. The exchange last a second, then Heda turns to her General, her side still molded to Clarke's. Clarke's hand falls to her thigh and she takes what she hopes is a discreat breath before turning her own head toward the intruder.
'Indra' she nods, scolding her face to a blank espression. Well, as blank as it can be seeing marely moments ago she was about to kiss Lexa. She is a little flushed, but she'll get over it. Indra aknowledges her with a nod of her own, not meeting her eyes, brows furrow looking at her chest. The necklace.
Here goes the angry face for you.
Lexa is still relaxed on the ground next to Clarke, her stoic face in place. She doesn't move her head when she says 'Ikya, go do something else" . There is no sound proving the girl is off, at least no sound that Clarke can hear, but it is clear they are only three remaining around the ashes.
Soooooo ? Clarke doesn't move, doesn't say anything. She knows Lexa senses her questioning. Heda doesn't wast time though, always efficient, she goes right to the point.
'There are... visiters for you'
Clarke strattles at that. What ? What is she talking about ? She turns quickly toward Lexa, and when she sees her grimmy face she remembers. 'Lohan?' She asks in a murmur only for her to hear, not knowing if Indra has been made aware of the threat.
'No'
When Clarke opens her mouth to ask more about the dark magic tribe, Lexa adds 'I told you i would take care of it. You don't have to worry about that.' Clarke frowns. 'But if you want to know i will tell you. At an other moment.' Clarke doesn't know if she wants to know. She is more curious about this magic tribe than worried – honestly sh aften forgot about it, to intrance in her training -, but still a part of her, the mistrusting ark people part of her, wants to be in control of the situation, not knowing what Lexa attents to do when she deals with this little problem. Clarke recalls very well when Lexa had chosen to deal with Octavia after the bombing of TonDC.
They have different ways to deal with things.
She scowls when she reviews the memory, the way Lexa can just order drastics sentences. Yes, it was at time of war and quick decisions, but Clarke isn't naive enough to think this side of Heda isn't there anymore. What did she say back at Ikru ? She is some goddess of war.
They definetly will have to talk about the Lohan thing. Whether she wants it or not, since Lohan is targetting both Lexa and herself, Clarke is involved in this. She doesn't want to be blind if or when one tribe man decides to contact her again.
Her blue eyes shine with new determination. 'I want to know'
Lexa only nods, gets up in a felin move and presents Clarke her hand to do the same. She blinks, still not accustumed to see Lexa moving so quickly, all fluidity and grace. Her stare is cut short though, Lexa wiggles her fingers to catch her attention. As always with the matters of the Ground, there is no time.
She grips Lexa's forearm, gets on her feet rather clumsily, then trips a little, sending her into Lexa's confy chest. She is improving on her balance, after days of throwing exercices, it's just that her body wants to stay close to Lexa's. She can't help it, really. Okay, she doesn't try. Maybe she chooses to let herself trip.
She accepts it -she smirks to herself.
Their forearms still clapsed, their eyes lock, breath short by their sudden prowimity. For a moment, they are in the bubble again. Lexa's eyes rom over her face with passion and Clarke's heartbeat jumps at the sight of love, and yearning, and want she sees flashing in them. Her skin tiggles, she feels the heat of Lexa surrounding her, enveloping her in a cocoon. She licks her lips, ready to close the gap between their mouths. She feels like her whole being wants to murge with the woman in front of her. Her lover. Her wife.
This last thought makes her blink, her breath hitching not for the right reasons, not from want or lust, but from surprise and fear.
The bubble is no more, and it isn't even Indra's fault this time - the warrior probably knows her Commander well enough to know when to shut up and wait. It is Clarke's own brain that busted the moment. She can't believe it, she actually blocked herself from doing what every part of her scream for her to do. To feel Lexa everywhere. All gone out of the window because of her fucking brainy thinking...
Wait. She wasn't thinking, just yet, when she was about to kiss Lexa. She wasn't. She wasn't thinking at all, in fact, her brain was shut down the moment their eyes met. She was feeling. Overwhelmingly so. It wasn't her mind speaking to her. It was her heart.
It was her soul.
Clarke's gaze is hard on the ground, hands still gripping Lexa's long dark vest. She is processing. It is important, like piecing a puzzle.
There is a difference between the thinking of the mind, and the truth telling of the soul.
Lexa senses she found her conclusion for now, and squeezes her forearm to bring her back to the situation at hand. Clarke's gaze finds her again, and reads only understanding, and love. Always love. Even with her dark façade of Heda. Or maybe Clarke isn't fooled by the mask anymore. She ever sees Lexa with paint on her face.
Clarke swallows and clears her throat, releases Heda from her hold. The absence of her touch sends a chill, mourning sensation, but she accepts her lose and addapts.
'Linkon is here with two Sky warriors'
Lincoln ?
'They are under guard at the north entrance. I talked to them. They are here for you.'
Clarke left the politics months ago, choosing a path of aloneness and meditation. Of peace and quiet. She doesn't have the sharp mind to it anymore. This part of her life is behind her, and yet it wants to push back in.
She doesn't know how to respond.
'Linkon fallowed your trail from your cave to Ikru." That must have been easy. Clarke doesn't know how to walk like Grounders, soundlessly and without a trace. Plus, she was panicking at the time. Shit, she didn't think of leaving note behind. They must have find the cave empty, guessed she left in a hurry, and jumped to conclusions.
"He heard i was there. Sylvia told him you are my guest, but the Sky people thinks you are here against your will. Our relation with Skikru is tense since the Mountain.' Clarke knows about that. The Ark people keep to themselves, the Trikru doesn't try to contact, probably fallowing Heda's orders – otherwise Indra would have wipped out the invaders from her land. It is a very shaky reprieve about to collapse, with no one willing to build a bridge between them.
Knowing Lexa better now, Clarke imagines Heda waits for Skikru to make a move. The Commander knows the Ark people are from an other culture, and cannot be calculted as any other clan of the Ground. They are to be watch, closely. She waits to see if the Sky people will grive the war and try to addapt, of seek for revenge and try to attack.
The Commander can be very patient.
'Now they are here.'
Heda states the facts, her voice strong. 'They are here to take you with them' Her face doesn't falter, even her eyes don't change, still calm, collected. The love is still there, but there is something else to it. Trust. Lexa trusts that everything will be fine. She trusts Clarke. She trusts the peace.
Clarke's unconscious trembling subdues under Lexa's trust. Still, she is starting to be familiar with Lexa's energy, she knows there is more to it. Lexa's voice turns low, colder.
'The scouts saw thirty warriors coming our way. Their weapons are out. They are ready to march on us if necessary.' Ready to kill any child, man, woman on their way with their bullets.
Of course. The Ark people, with their ego, still see Grounders as primitives, sauvages. They still view themselves as smarter, with their guns, riffles and technology. They still don't get it. They stay in their camp, behind their electric fence, both scared and despiteful, and they don't really try to integrate, to understand, to ease their way into the Ground. Instead they take their guns and march.
To get Clarke.
And now again, Clarke finds herself in the middle of it all.
/
/
/
A/N
This is what i wrote so fare !
Not much of Indra and not really any magic stuff, as it turns out.
It's funny how the story itself decides where to go, i just fallow ^^
(i'm a little bit lost writting in past tense, i hope that's all right ;)