A/N: I fixed the format issue.
I apologise if I'm a little rusty. I'm still working out the kinks. As for the reason… I've been in a domestic violence shelter. I know, the irony, the irony. Anyway, it's hard to work here, but I anticipate a new chapter of "Paranoia" very soon, and definitely another chapter of "Grievance". Forgive me the delay.
I have to call her.
I have to call her.
I have to call her.
Elliot had been cheeking his meds for weeks now and it was getting more and more painful to make the trip down the hall without his pain medication providing a helping hand.
I have to call her.
I have to call her.
I have to call her.
He gritted his teeth and hoisted himself out of bed, then immediately fell to his knees on the floor, fighting the urge to vomit.
I can do this.
Deep breaths, Elliot. Breathe. You can do this.
He began to claw his way across the bedroom carpet, pausing every few seconds for the sound of Kathy's key in the lock downstairs.
Sure. Get the doctor in to give me a nice night-night shot. I'll just do it again tomorrow. Bitch.
He took another breath and focused on the closed bedroom door, inching his way across the floor until he was almost nose to nose with it.
Ok, Elliot.
Deep breath.
One. Two. THREE!
He lurched upwards, grabbed the handle, and swore as his hand slipped off.
FUCK.
Relax. Relax, Elliot, you did it once, you can do it again.
He took another deep breath and forced himself up, grabbed the handle, and fell on his face as the door swung open under his weight.
Owwwwww…
He pulled himself to his knees, looked up at the hallway table, and froze.
The phone was gone. The cord coiled uselessly into the wall, mocking him.
He felt a cold ball of rage form in his gut, stronger than any of the pain he felt.
Kathy. KATHY.
That bitch, taking away MY phones, taking away the only way I can talk to HER, to LIV, like she can keep me like her perfect little PET...
A thought struck him and the rage exploded in a red hot burst. I bet she was GLAD when Liv was shot. I bet she wished she'd DIED.
He'd show her.
There was another phone downstairs, in the phone nook, and he'd be damned if he was going to give in now.
But… but the stairs…
Elliot felt a fresh wave of determination. FUCK the stairs. I'll make those stairs my BITCH.
He took a deep, shuddering breath and started to crawl for the stairs, trying to figure out how he was meant to get down them when he could barely get to his knees without screaming.
I can do it.
I can do it.
I can do it for HER.
He reached the top step, reached forward, and immediately started a painful and uncontrolled tumble down the stairs. He felt his stitches rip his skin open, something internal tear, his shirt stain with the blood that was pouring out of his abdomen, his arm snap, his head bouncing again and again against the wall, and then he hit the floor with a loud thump. He could feel and see the blood pour out of him onto the hideous carpet he'd never liked in the downstairs foyer.
Oh, shit. SHIT.
He felt himself greying out for a second and shook his head, trying to clear it.
I need to call 911.
If I don't call 911, I'll die down here.
He was struck with an awful thought. But… what if they take the bullet out?
What if they take all he had left of her?
He took a breath and forced himself to see sense. Elliot, if you don't call them, you will die down here, on the horrible carpet that you hated in the first place, and you'll never see Olivia again.
He smiled to himself. Well, they'll have to replace the carpet now, won't they? Elliot 1, Horrible Carpet 0. He made sure to smear it with as much blood as possible as he pulled himself toward the phone nook with his right hand, ignoring the searing pain from his broken arm.
I have to call 911.
I have to call HER.
He made it a few feet before he blacked out.
October 2005
"I'm sorry, Liv. He reached out and stroked her hair. "I know how hard today was for you."
"It was." She looked at him, tears running down her face and blurring her makeup. "No one believed me, no one, and then when they found her… found her…" Olivia's breath caught in her throat. "When they found her, they found all those… pictures. Of all those other kids. We'll never find all of them. They're just… LOST." She rested her head against his chest and he put his arms around her, stroking her hair. "Who knows if they'll EVER be found?"
"They'll be found, Olivia." Elliot hoped he sounded more convincing then he felt. "They will be. They always are."
"Are they?" She pulled away and gave him a look. "What about Etan Patz? Michaela Garecht? The Beaumont children? Johnny Gosch? Ann Gotlib? Cherrie Mahan-"
"OK. Liv, I get it." Elliot hugged her. "We can't save them all, Olivia. You know that. All we can do is save the ones we can, and that's a damn lot more than would have been saved otherwise."
"I know." She wiped her face, smearing her lipstick and eye makeup even more, and stifled another sob. "But… but it's never going to be enough."
"I know." He kissed the top of her head. "I know it's not." He paused. "But if it helps, you look like the Joker right now."
She stared at him, then burst into hysterical laughter. "I love you, El."
"I love you too, Liv." He leaned in and kissed her firmly on the mouth. "And for what it's worth, whatever happened today, I always believed you."
"I know." She smiled at him. "I… I…" She took a deep breath. "Move in with me, Elliot."
Elliot's eyes widened. "What?"
"Move in with me. I want us to be together, openly, forever. I want to build a life with you." She smiled and stroked his cheek. "I want to build a life with you."
Elliot hesitated, then broke into a wide smile. "I want to build a life with you too."
Olivia stared at him, her mouth hanging open. "Really?"
"Yes." He grinned so hard his mouth hurt. "Yes, I do. Get a bigger apartment, Liv. We'll need more space for my Mets memorabilia."
She laughed again and kissed him. "I love you so much."
He smiled and stroked her face. "I love you too." He nodded across the room. "Want to do filthy things on Cragen's couch again? I brought the Sharpie to fix the scuffs."
She grinned. "Oh God, yes." She let out a small scream as he swept her up in his arms. "Let's do this, Prince Charming."
He kissed the top of her head and swung Cragen's keys on a ring on one finger. "Try and stop me."
A/N: I'm back, bitches. YEAH.