this chapter is mostly based off memories Faith is having after receiving bad news. The first song will be Live In The Sky by T.I. ft. Jamie Foxx. This song carries a deep emotional meaning and my brother and I were talking and this song in particular came up in our conversation. We talked about family members we've lost and he talked about friends he's lost...this song carries that meaning. This was written about personal experiences, I'm guessing. I feel that this should be pointed out because of the depth of the song itself I don't want anyone offended. I decided to only use the chorus but I'm sure plenty of you have heard the entire song. So yeah I don't own this song but I figured it may suit the chapter.
Cordelia pov.
Faith is burrowing into my arms. She was crying in her sleep now she's quiet and still. I feel her move against me again and her eyes open. She looks at me and smiles slightly. But I can tell its a fake smile. She's trying to reassure me she's fine. I'm not going to ask questions because she'll talk when she's ready. Right now I'll just lay here with her.
Faith pov.
Right now I feel a lot. Some of it good most of it not. I feel loved. I woke up beside Cordy and oddly I knew she'd be there. I guess its cos she said she always would be. I believe her.
"Faith." angel calls me softly. I can't say anything because its like my voice doesn't work anymore. I look to him. "Uh I know this isn't the best time but someone wants to see you downstairs." he says.
"Well tell them to go away. She doesn't need a-" Cordy starts. I hold up a hand and shake my head at her. I get up and walk behind Angel downstairs where the whole scooby gang is visitin. Even D and Mrs. Summers. I see a police officer.
"Good evening ma'am are you Faith Lehane?" he asks. Ok voice work.
"Yeah. W-why?" I ask. He sighs.
"I have some news. Its about your family. Your father, grandmother and younger brother were involved in a robbery at a bank just outside of Boston. The robbers had guns and fired wildly killing several people and wounding others. You're father, brother, and grandmother where treated almost immediately but I'm sorry to say but your father and grandmother didn't make it. Your younger brother is in critical condition at Boston children's hospital." he says. I don't know anything about a younger brother.
"How old is he?" I ask. My voice cracks cus no matter how badly they treated me in the past I still loved my family. More than my own life.
"He's 5. if he survives he'll be released into your custody. I'm sorry ma'am." he says. I nod and he leaves. I stand there staring off into the spot where a total stranger just told me I have a younger brother and my father and grandmother are dead. He stops at the door.
"One more thing ms. Lehane?" it sounds like a question so I nod. "I'm not sure if you're already aware of this but I was told to let you know anyway. You're mother's body was found and its ready for a proper burial whenever you give the word." he says. I nod again and this time he leaves. My eyes follow him out the door and I stare at it. I don't say anything I barely move. I feel a hand on my shoulder and flinch away from it. I turn and see it was only Cordelia.
"I-if you want to talk..." she trails off. I stare at her like she's an alien. Can't life be simple anymore? How the fuck could he have another kid and not even fucking tell me?! My brother is 5 and I've never even heard of him! I don't even know his name. A-and...oh god. I feel bile rise in my throat and I run upstairs barely making it to the bathroom. I release everything that could have possibly been in my stomach into the toilet. When I flush it I flush everything else I've gained down with it. My entire life is gone now. Not because I have to take on the parental role. no. that's good news in a way. I'll be happy too because I've always loved kids. Its because everybody I care about is fuckin murdered! They never die of natural causes. Well my mom could've but I doubt it. From what I hear, there was a struggle at the apartment. She was taken away from it. I assumed she was dead and let her die in my mind. But she's still in my heart. I get up and rinse my mouth out and stare into the mirror. I wonder if dad and grandma made it to heaven. I hope so. Cus they were really good at heart. Even if I did think my grandma was dead for the longest time and my dad disowned me for bein bisexual. I don't think that was the reason though. I think he just didn't like me. Its ok though cus I'm not really likable. I mean I'm fuckin ugly as shit, I fuck everythin up, I'm unstable, and I'm evil. But I wonder will I go to hell when I die. I mean its where I'm from anyway so will I go back? Or will I go somewhere else. A tear escapes my eye followed by another. I let out a loud scream and punch the mirror until my hands bleed and I keep punching the wall and concrete behind where the mirror used to be. B rushes in grabbin my hands pullin me to her lettin me sob into her chest.
"Shhh, Faith its ok...its all going to be ok." she says. Is she fucking crazy!?
"My daddy's dead...he's dead and I made him hate his life before." I sob out. "He wanted to kill himself before cus'a me. What if he got shot on purpose?" I ask. She just shh s me rockin back and forth. I can't believe my dad is fuckin dead!
Life's up and downs they come and go
but when I die I hope I live in the sky
All my folks who ain't alive I hope they live in the sky
Pray to God when I die that I live in the sky.
It's true what goes around comes back you know
So when I die I hope I live in the sky
All my folk who ain't survive may
They live in the sky
Tell God I wanna fly and let me live in the sky
I remember the first time I met my dad's mom. She was a pretty cool lady. I didn't even know I was her granddaughter until she was cleanin out my pants pocket. It was a fuckin freezin cold day in Boston. Shortly after my watcher got killed. I was roamin round for a few days before I took off. I had to wait a few days before I could sneak back in to get some clothes and stuff. I was walkin, well roamin technically, down the streets of my old neighborhood and I saw this lady strugglin with groceries. I ran up to help her:
"Let me get that for ya." I said. She looked at me and smiled.
"Thank you darlin." she said. Her accent thick. Purely Irish. She dug around for her keys for a few minutes. "Those keys are never where I put em." she muttered. Finally she found them and I was about to hand her back her groceries when she shocked me. "Darlin? Would ya mind takin those inside?" she asked. Now don't think I was a fool I knew not to enter people's apartments old or not. People nowadays are fuckin crazy. But somethin about this woman seemed she'll help ya before she hurts ya. So I agreed. Once I got them inside I turned to see her smilin at me.
"Well you have a goo- what?" I asked when she kept smilin. She shook her head.
"Nothin. You look familiar s'all." she said. I smiled back.
"I get that a lot." I said. And I did for the longest time. I got to the door and as soon as I opened it it started snowin like it was fuckin Antarctica or somewhere just as cold.!
"You gotta be shittin me." I muttered.
"Oh my! Why doncha stay here until the snow passes. I'll fix you some soup." she said. I was about to protest but she stopped me. "Don't even think about it! You sit right down and make yourself comfortable. I'll be right back with some chicken noodle soup." she said runnin off into the kitchen. Now if ya know me I'm not a real trustin person but I trusted her off the bat. Fuckin crazy I know! Anyway I sat and waited for my soup. A few minutes later she came back in with a little coffee mug of soup. She sat down across from me with her own cup.
"So where ya from?" she asked. I swallowed the hot but really good soup.
"I used to live a few buildins down the way but now I live in northern Boston." I said.
"Oh my son lives a few buil-" she was cut off by her dog runnin through the livin room knockin my soup all over my clothes. "I'm so sorry about that. Maxie has always been a little rowdy around strangers. You stay here while I get somethin for you to wear while I clean those clothes up." she said. I didn't even have time to react before she was up runnin to a room. I glared at the dog but she was too cute I had to smile. Until she started lickin my pants.
"Hey. Hey now! Watch where you put that tongue." I say pointin a finger at her. She trotted off when my granny came back into the room.
"Here ya go." she said handin me a t-shirt and jeans that look like the fit me. I went and changed and came back out. I forgot to clean my pockets but with her bein a mom I guess its like an instinct. She went through the pockets and pulled out my ID and laughed.
"Faith Lehane! You're daddy's name wouldn't be Alejandro would it?!" she asked and I nodded. She shook her head and handed me my id while passing me. She went upstairs and came back down with a binder. She sat on the sofa and patted the seat next to her. She turned the page and I instantly recognized my dad.
"How do you know my dad?" I asked. She smiled sadly.
"I'm his mother." she said.
"Really? I heard you were dead." I said. She nodded.
"I didn't really approve of your mother before and he disowned me since I couldn't accept them as a couple. Told me I'd never see my grand baby if he had anything to do about it." she said. I nodded and she started flippin through the pictures. She got to one of a young boy hangin upside down from a tree.
"Who's that?" I asked pointin to the girl beside my dad. Yeah he's the young boy.
"That's your aunt Annie. That was taken when your father was about 7 and she was 9. he had taken her dolls the night before and flushed them down the toilet. Well she pretended that everything was ok that night but the next morning she chased him out to his tree house and she hung him upside down and beat him with his own shoe. That AJ was always getting into something he was." she said. I smiled because I remember that story from one of his good days.
How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad.
I used to go see her. The entire week or so before I left I spent about 15 out of the 24 hrs in a day with her. She was too old to work and well I wasn't goin to school. We talked and I told her about all the good things in my life. The day before I left I told her I was bisexual.
"Faith darlin s'long as you're happy it doesn't matter who you love. Remember granny is always gonna be there." she said huggin me. "Now before you leave I want you to go see your father. Just check on him." she said. I nodded cried and hugged her and made my way to see him. I'll always remember her sayin granny is always gonna be there. But somebody took her away a little too early.
I thought we'd get to see forever
But forevers gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
When I got to my parents place the police we're outside. I caught my dad while he was alone.
"Hey dad." I said. He turned to me shocked to see me then gave me a small smile.
"Your mama's gone girly. Somebody came in and took 'er while I was visitin that little sister of yours." he said sadly. It amazed me that he still loved her after the way she and her family treated him. Guess that's why I remind people of him in ways.
"I uh...hope you find her. Um dad?" he looked at me.
"What's up?" he asked sittin down on the stairs.
"I-I've been talkin to grandma. She misses you." I say. He looks at me blankly.
"I'll go see her. Maybe you can come with me!" he exclaimed smilin. I knew right then he was sober. "I've missed ya kid. Really and I know I fucked things up before but I'm sorry." he said.
"I forgive you dad but I can't go with ya. I'm leavin Boston." I said. He looked sad for a moment but then steeled his face.
"Well then...you be safe Faith. I know things with ya mama were bad. Specially when she kicked you out but I want you to know I love you and I always will." he said.
"I need to tell you something about me dad." I said. He nodded and I took a deep breath. "Dad I'm bisexual. I just thought you deserved to know just in case the next time you see me I have a girlfriend." I told him. A bunch of emotions passed over his face before it went blank. Then those words I'll never forget:
"You like boys and girls?" I nodded. "You disgust me. You're not my daughter. Get the fuck away from me." he said. I was shocked yeah.
"But da-" I started.
"Go!" he yelled. I stood up and hardened my face and walked away. Didn't know where I was goin but I thought I was ready.
I don't know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through.
I wonder now if he had the chance would he take that back. I doubt it though. I never told anybody but Cordy bout that conversation. I just let them think what they wanted to assume bout my dad since I didn't mention him.
If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth all the wait
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
But that was just one of the bad. Sure there were a lot of bad from him and mom but every family that I know of has a few good ones. Mom getting me ready for a party. Mom tryin to teach dad to cook. Havin a pancake batter fight with both of them. Laughin and bein happy. Those memories, no matter how few there are, will keep me goin. Those along with the memories of my other family of course.
And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
I don't wanna say goodbye to them. But I have too. If I don't...I'll never let go. If I can't let go it'll be hard if not impossible to move on. So that's what I'm going to do. Use the good memories to drown the bad and say goodbye.
The second song here Its So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday. The version I'm writing from is the a cappella version by Boyz II Men. This song has the same affect on a lot of people who hear it. I know the personal affect is it makes me think of people I've lost so I guess this chapter is dedicated to anybody that lost somebody close to them. in the next chapter Faith will be saying goodbye to them and if anybody has any tips on how i could write my emotions to where they're stronger could ya let me know? thanks. Um review please and I'll see ya next update.