A Shocking Business

Chapter 11

Steve was dreaming of Jeannie, probably as her picture was the last thing he had seen before he fell asleep. He was in the park with her and they were walking and holding hands. Steve felt happy and safe. The sun was shining and Jeannie was smiling. Everything was perfect, Steve thought until suddenly as often happens in dreams things began to change...

The sun disappeared behind a cloud and it got dark. The park scenery faded and without warning Steve was now standing in an alleyway. As he turned to see where Jeannie went he realized that she was gone and instead of Jeannie's soft warm hand he was holding the cold,hard metal of his gun. Steve started to become anxious and fear gripped his very soul . The alley looked familiar to him but not in a pleasant way ,in a foreboding way. He hoped that he was dreaming but his mind was foggy and he wasn't sure. His instinct was to get out of there as fast as he could and stepping back his foot hit something soft. He was almost afraid to see what it was but glancing behind him he saw bodies on top of each other..lifeless eyes stared up at him and blood flowed from them under his feet. He recoiled in horror at the sight of it and almost gagged as bile rose in his throat. What the hell was happening ? If this is a dream you better wake up Steve he told himself but try as he did no consciousness came and the grim realization hit him that he was stuck in this living nightmare! He thought he heard a voice calling him..."Steve...Steve! " It was Mike's voice but he couldn't see him.

" Mike!... Help me! Mike...Where are you?" Just then something grabbed at his leg and as he looked down he saw Lee Lessing clutching at him." Why did you let this happen" Lee was saying. Lee's chest was covered in blood and Steve gagged again. " Lee I tried to warn you ! " Next thing something knocked him backwards and when he opened his eyes again he saw the gunman pointing his gun at him... "NO ..! he screamed. God he didn't want to die..." Again he swore he heard Mike calling him but again he couldn't see him... " MIKE! Help me!" he yelled again but the gunman just laughed... He heard the hammer pulled back... Oh God, Oh God...NOOOOOO!

Mike was dreaming of Jeannie too. They were at their favorite picnic spot in the Golden Gate park. Jeannie had made a lovely picnic lunch. The sun was shining and hot and Jeannie was telling him stories about college. He was relaxed and enjoying his beloved daughter's company when out of nowhere he heard Steve's panicked voice calling for help... He looked around startled but couldn't see him. He thought at first he was hearing things until he heard Steve calling again...The sound grew louder and closer until slowly Mike woke from his dream and looking around he realized, that it had been Steve he had heard as one glance at the couch saw Steve caught in the grip of a nightmare. Oh dear God. No! Even though he was half asleep and slightly stiff from his few hours sleep on the recliner he threw his blanket aside and hurried over to Steve.

Steve was sweating profusely and breathing heavily. He was thrashing his head from side to side and calling for help and for Mike! Mike knew he had to wake him. He grabbed Steve's shoulders and spoke to him loudly...

" Steve!... Steve! Wake up!" But still Steve continued to suffer in torment.

Dear God buddy boy...What happened to you yesterday? He thought as he gently shook Steve's shoulders and shouted again...

" Steve... STEVE! WAKE-UP !"...

In that instant Steve screamed "No " at the top of his voice and jolted awake startling Mike . Mike could see that Steve was disoriented and perhaps not fully aware of where he was. He was breathing so heavily he could barely catch his breath and from the grip on his shoulders that Mike maintained ,he could feel Steve shaking like a leaf..

"Steve, it's alright buddy boy...You're ok! You're at my place. It was just a bad dream. Take it nice and easy now.. Breathe nice and slow...that's it ..." he encouraged and reassured the trembling young man whom he had grown to care for like a son.

Steve looked at Mike and realizing that he had just again shown weakness in front of Mike he looked away embarrassed . He was really struggling to get his breathing back under control and was inwardly trying to come to terms with the memories that had resurfaced in his nightmare.. He could feel his emotions trying to get the better of him. The all too familiar lump in his throat returning and he blinked away the tears that were threatening to come. He swung his legs off the couch and sat upright and leaning forward he put his head in his hands. In that instant he appreciated Mike's comforting presence and he was grateful for the silence ,as Mike waited for him to recover before the questions inevitably came.

Mike could see how bad the nightmare had affected Steve. He was worried for him. He knew Steve wouldn't want to talk about it but Mike knew he had to if he ever wanted to stop them returning. Feeling brave he asked.

"Were they your lost memories Steve ?"...

Steve just nodded. He hoped Mike wouldn't ask anymore questions as he didn't think he would be able to hold it together enough to retell what happened but again Mike probed further.

"Steve, I can see whatever happened to you was painful but you have to talk about it with someone if you want the nightmares to stop. I'm a pretty good listener buddy boy. Or if you don't want to talk about it with me at least talk to Lenny tomorrow."

Steve's breathing had improved but he was still frazzled and shaking. He knew Mike was right . He'd have to tell someone about it. He didn't want to have to go to through that every night... So taking a deep breath he brushed a hand through his hair and spoke...

"I should have died Mike..."

This statement alarmed Mike who immediately replied.

"Now, now Steve. You mustn't say that. We all feel guilty when a fellow officer takes a hit and we walk away but you did all you could..." Realizing that Mike misunderstood him he interrupted Mike's reply.

"No Mike... you don't understand ... When I was kicked and I fell backwards in the alley he came out after me and kicked the gun from my hand. He pointed his gun at my head and he fired Mike! Not once but twice... His gun jammed and...and ... he laughed! I thought..." The lump in Steve's throat seemed to enlarge and he had to swallow hard to continue... "I thought I was a goner Mike..." Steve's voice started to break and despite trying as hard as he could to stay in control, a solitary tear escaped from his left eye..." He quickly wiped at it with the back of his hand and hoped that Mike hadn't noticed...

Mike had noticed...He placed his hand on Steve's shoulder and squeezed it in a show of sympathy and support..But he didn't speak right away...He was stunned at hearing of the horror Steve had endured and his heart broke for the young man. No wonder you were in shock buddy boy he thought to himself. He also couldn't help but get a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach when he thought of what the outcome would have been had that gun not jammed!... He thanked God in that instant for saving his partner. The feelings that consumed him then were guilt for not being there to back him up and anger at the shooter that put Steve through all that.. Oh, if he could get his hands on him now he'd be laughing on the other side of his face!...

Mike could feel that Steve was still shaking and the way he wouldn't look at Mike made him think that he was still visibly upset.. He had to help him somehow so he searched in his memory banks for anything useful he could relay to Steve that might be of some help. All at once he remembered a story from his time as a rookie that hopefully might help Steve as it had helped him in the past... He squeezed Steve's shoulder again and spoke softly...

" Listen Steve, Nobody should ever have to go through what you did yesterday. But unfortunately near misses are part and parcel of what we do.. Bullets that narrowly miss us , high-speed car chases and in this case guns that jam... When I was a rookie detective not much longer on the force than you are now, I was involved in a shootout where a bullet narrowly missed me. My Captain then was a Captain O'Brien. He was a wise old codger ...I was pretty shook up and he called me in to talk with him. What he told me that day has helped me ever since and it might just help you too,buddy boy."

Steve up to this hadn't looked at Mike. He hadn't been able to stop tears from falling and didn't want Mike to see him so fragile but at Mike's last words he turned and half glanced at Mike interested in anything that could help him right now...

" He told me that day that we all have an angel on our shoulder..."

" Aw Mike...come on!.." Steve protested, disappointed that the story he thought was going to help him, revolved around fantasy and make-believe...!

" Now, hang on , hotshot. Please...Let me finish... He told me that in this job when our time is up there's nothing we can do about it but when it's not our time our angel protects us. Now we can dwell on the trauma of it all and end up not functioning the way we should or we can do one simple thing. We can thank our angel ,put it behind us and move on. It always helps me...maybe you should try it buddy boy ? "

" Just like that huh? I don't know Mike... I just don't know if that's going to work for me...Mike, your belief in angels is a lot stronger than mine.." Steve said brushing his hand nervously through his hair again and then rubbing the back of his neck. After a few moments more of silence Mike spoke again.

" Steve, promise me you'll go talk to Lenny tomorrow after you hand in your report..Will you buddy boy? "

" Mike all that head stuff doesn't work for me...I mean Lenny's alright you know...but this...this has..." Steve was finding it hard to talk like this to Mike. He wasn't used to playing the victim and he didn't like it one bit... He hated his feelings being on show like this and the feeling of losing control...

It just wasn't in his nature. He always concealed his feelings, dealt with them himself. Never let anyone know... That was Steve's defence mechanism ...until now...

Mike sensed that Steve was struggling... He had to get him to open up...

" This has what Steve?..." he asked quietly..." Come on now...out with it... Please, buddy boy. Talk to me..."

As he struggled to get up the courage to talk to Mike, he glanced up and the sight of the recliner with a pillow on it and a blanket discarded beside it made him realize that Mike had slept there watching over him... In his current emotional state he was deeply touched by Mike's bedside vigil as it were and he thought to himself who needs an angel on your shoulder when you have a friend like Mike Stone... The fact that Mike had stayed with him through all this and was so visibly concerned for him made him realize that he owed it to Mike to tell him what was going on with him. At the very least he had to try!...