A/N: Next instalment. Still hitting the angst fairly hard but it should let up a bit after this one if I take it where I think I'm going to. Hopefully some of you are still sticking with me despite my horrendously irregular updating patterns! Thanks to all who have reviewed/favourite etc, I really appreciate it. I don't like to push for feedback too much but it really does help to know what people like/don't like so that I can make the story better for the people who are reading it.
-G-
Rachel grabbed her coat off the hook and slipped on a pair of ballet flats that were sitting in the foyer. As she turned around she found the other three copying her action right behind her.
"Where are we going?" Hiram asked.
"Not far," Rachel said a little distractedly. "But, can you guys stay back, please?"
"I want to go home!" Brittany suddenly burst out, tears welling in her eyes. "I know Santana's sad and maybe she needs me but I just can't tonight," she sobbed. "I need to talk to my Mom…and Lord Tubbington."
"Go hop in my car Brittany," Leroy said immediately. The others looked at him in confusion. "The silver one in the garage," he prompted at Brittany's blank look. The blonde wiped at her eyes and held her arms out to Rachel for a goodnight hug before shuffling tiredly out to the garage. "She's tired and she's not coping with the situation or Santana's behaviour at the moment. She's no good to anybody like this. She's better off at home with Kate…and that cat," Leroy said by way of explanation. "And besides, Santana may be going through hell right now but she needs to learn early on in this game that if she pushes Brittany around there'll be consequences; Brittany going away might be a good way for her to learn that," he pointed out.
"True," Hiram nodded.
"I won't be long," Leroy assured him.
"Hopefully we won't either," Hiram replied. Rachel huffed impatiently from where she stood by the front door. The two men smiled at each other before Leroy followed the path Brittany had just taken and Hiram turned to Rachel.
"Where are we going?" he asked again.
"Not far," Rachel repeated her earlier answer, albeit with an eye roll and a lot more exasperation in her tone this time. She opened the door and let her Dad out. After they locked the door and waited for Leroy's car to pass them by as he backed down the driveway, Rachel led Hiram down the street. When they reached the Wilson's driveway, Rachel stopped. "Wait here," she whispered. Hiram nodded, confused but willing to go with Rachel's idea. Rachel slowly crept further along the road, as quietly as she could until she got to the Wilson/Lopez boundary line. She listened carefully for a few seconds and then got down on her knees on the sidewalk when she heard soft breaths on the other side of the fence. She didn't say a word, she didn't need to. She just shuffled closer to the fence and poked her finger through the knothole. She heard the breathing on the other side of the fence hitch and then, after a few long moments, an icy cold thumb and an icy cold forefinger gently pinched the pad of her finger before a choked laugh sounded and the thumb and forefinger were replaced by a fist grasping her finger tightly.
"You remembered," Santana's choked, gravelly voice said softly.
"Of course I remembered," Rachel replied, voice equally as soft. "It's your secret place. It's always been your secret place."
"He's all the family I have left," Santana choked out suddenly.
"He's all of the blood family you have left. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you Santana, but if you let us, we can be your family too. Me and Dad and Daddy. It won't be the same, I know that. It won't even be close to the same. But we'll accept you and take care of you, we'll love you. You just have to let us," Rachel's voice was cracked and pleading. She could hear Santana's soft, defeated crying on the other side of the fence; feel her tight grip on her finger.
"I just want things to go back the way they were," Santana sobbed quietly.
"I know you do," Rachel said. "But they can't."
"I know," Santana sounded so utterly defeated.
"Come home Santana," Rachel begged.
"Can we stay five more minutes?" Santana asked, her voice hesitant. Rachel turned to look at Hiram and raised her hand with all five fingers raised and then tapped her watch. Hiram nodded with a small smile and glanced down the street to where headlights were coming around the corner.
"Yeah we can," Rachel answered.
"Are the others there?" Santana asked, suddenly a little defensive at hearing Rachel's hesitation.
"Just Dad," Rachel said carefully, hoping that Santana wouldn't ask about Brittany's whereabouts just yet. Santana stayed quiet though, clinging to Rachel's finger and sniffling occasionally in the cool morning air. When her five minutes were up she finally spoke.
"I'm ready now," her grip on Rachel's finger released and Rachel heard scrabbling on the other side of the fence. A few seconds later Santana clambered over and landed neatly on the sidewalk next to her. Rachel took her in, a look of concern immediately taking over her features. Santana was shaking, her skin covered in goosebumps, her lips tinged slightly blue from the cold. Her hands and feet were scratched and dirty from climbing the fence. Rachel made a disapproving noise and shrugged out of her coat, holding it out to the other girl. "No-," Santana started, but one of her arms was in the coat and it was around her shoulders before she could say anything else. Rachel held the coat up, waiting for her to slip her other arm in and she did, figuring it was useless to protest at this point. The sleeves were slightly too short but the coat was warm and Santana unconsciously burrowed into it as Rachel placed a hand on the small of her back and began to lead her home. Rachel felt Santana freeze when the car drove past them and pulled into the Berry's driveway.
"Santana," she said softly, hands reaching toward her automatically in a desperate bid to prevent her from fleeing again.
"Where did he go?"Santana asked. Her voice was tiny and she resisted the gentle pushing of Rachel's hand on the small of her back, turning tired accusing eyes on the smaller girl. Rachel sighed.
"He took Brittany home," she said honestly. "She was upset. She wanted her Mom…and Lord Tubbington."
"Oh," Santana's face had taken on an eerie imitation of Brittany's blank expression and she stared straight ahead. Hiram had reached them now and had heard most of the conversation.
"Honey you have to realise that even though you're upset you can't push her around like you did. You can't take it out on her or she will leave because she can't cope with it," Rachel glared but she could see that her Dad had decided that he was going with his 'tough love' approach. "Come on, let's go home and get some sleep and we can work things out tomorrow ok?" he placed his hand over Rachel's and between them they managed to lead a silent Santana back to the Berry house. When they got in the door Santana found herself pulled into a gentle hug. Leroy let her go with no words, just a smile. Santana stared at him, frowning in confusion.
"Why do you like me?" she asked him.
"Why wouldn't I?" he replied. He'd been interrupted before he'd had the chance to answer that the first time she had asked and had been glad that he had had time to think over how he would answer in case she asked again. Santana's confusion seemed to deepen at his answer, her forehead pinching and her face scrunching slightly as she peered at him, searching his face for clues. After a few prolonged seconds she shook her head a little and turned toward the stairs, pausing to shrug Rachel's coat off and hang it back on its hook. They expected her to head upstairs then but she didn't, she just stood there looking lost.
"Santana?" Rachel asked gently, reaching toward her. Santana shrank into herself a little but allowed the touch nonetheless. She swallowed hard and stared at the floor.
"Can-," she swallowed again, voice unsteady, even on that one word. "Can you text Brittany and tell her I'm really sorry?" Santana's voice broke and she pulled away, heading toward the stairs. She had just placed her foot on the bottom stair when Rachel spoke.
"Shouldn't you do that?" she asked, confused.
"I can't," Santana deflated even further, her shoulders beginning to shake. "My parents cut my phone off," she slowly made her way upstairs, sniffling quietly and wiping at her cheeks with her sleeve as she went. Once she was out of sight and they heard a door close upstairs all three Berry's sighed sadly.
"I'll sort something for her tomorrow," Hiram spoke to no one in particular.
"I wonder when they cut it off?" Leroy wondered aloud.
"No idea. This is the first I've heard of it," Rachel answered.
"She needs help," Hiram spoke up. "But I don't even know how to broach it with her."
"I don't think we should just yet. I think first we need to try to settle her with us. Gain her trust and get her into some kind of a normal routine. Chores, regular mealtimes, try and get her out of the house from time to time again. If we can get poor Britt back over here then maybe she can coax her out," Leroy suggested. "She's shell shocked right now. Her whole world has been turned on its head. She's a tough girl but she's been through hell and not just because of this. She's not in a position to be pushed right now. She needs to feel like she's safe and secure here before she can deal with what went on there. Let's get her a phone tomorrow, and let's try and find a way to get her clothes and belongings from Erika and Marco and get her settled. Let's take things one day at a time." Rachel nodded furiously as Leroy spoke. "But right now, let's go to bed and get some sleep. It's been a long night."
-G-
No one could have predicted the odd turn the next day would take. It started at 9am when the doorbell rang and Rachel opened it to reveal Sue Sylvester standing in her bright red tracksuit on the doorstep.
"Uh, hi," Rachel greeted nervously.
"I heard Santana's living here. I've been trying to get in touch with her about her being at tryouts for the last week but her phone has been disconnected," the intimidating woman spoke frankly, but her usual venom was absent. She held out a large duffel bag to Rachel, who took it hesitantly, almost dropping it when she took the full weight of it. "There's two new uniforms, new letterman jacket, a pair of shoes, new tracksuits, couple of t-shirts and pairs of spanx. And there's a new phone, it's not much and it's just on a basic plan, she won't get many calls or messages but it's something," Rachel nodded quietly. Sue did something strange then, she blatantly averted her eyes and shuffled her feet as she said "Paid for out of the Cheerios budget if she's wondering," it was obviously a lie and she obviously wanted Rachel to know that. The woman was insanely adept at lying. "Make sure she gets it," Sue turned and walked away without so much as a goodbye, leaving Rachel stunned in the foyer. She eventually gathered herself and picked up the heavy bag, closing the door and moving to lug the bag upstairs. Her Daddy found her struggling and moved to help her.
"What the hell is in this thing?" he grunted as he picked it up.
"All new Cheerios stuff for Santana," Rachel panted, out of breath from her struggling. "Oh and you can tell Dad not to worry about a phone. Sue Sylvester couldn't reach Santana so she got her a new one."
"Huh," Leroy commented. "That was nice."
"I think she was just pissed that she couldn't reach her so she fixed the problem," Rachel replied, knowing that although Sue had seemingly told her the truth, she didn't want her compassion to be widely known.
"That makes more sense," Leroy agreed with a nod. They had reached the top of the stairs now and Leroy set the bag down outside Santana's door, leaving Rachel to it. Rachel opened the door just a crack not wanting to wake Santana by knocking if she was asleep. She found her sitting on the floor, feet stretched out in front of her, staring at her hands. She clearly hadn't slept since they had come home.
"Oh Santana, have you not slept?" Rachel lugged the heavy bag into the room and to her joy Santana's face actually lit up at the sight of it.
"What's that?" she asked quietly, ignoring Rachel's question.
"Coach Sylvester brought it over for you. She said it's a bunch of Cheerios gear, and a phone. She wasn't thrilled when she couldn't reach you so I guess she got you a new one," Rachel said with a casual shrug. Santana's eyes welled up and she stood and helped Rachel pull the bag into her room. She opened the zipper and immediately started pulling things out. She immediately hung the two uniforms and the jacket in the empty closet and folded the tracksuit pants and t-shirts and put them in her drawers along with her spanx and then put her shoes neatly next to the dresser. She stood back for a second and looked around, looking happier than she had in days. She sat back down next to Rachel and the bag and pulled out a small Samsung box, running her hand over it almost reverently, glad that the Coach had gotten her the same brand as her old phone.
"Did you text Brittany?" Santana asked as she opened the box, pulling the small phone out and turning it on, thankful for whoever had the idea to start selling phones partially charged.
"Of course," Rachel replied as Santana quickly entered Brittany's number into the phone and brought up a blank message screen.
"Did she text back?" Santana asked.
"It just said 'Ok'," Rachel said awkwardly. Santana sighed and typed out a message.
Hey Britt-Britt. It's Santana. Coach got me a new phone 'cause my old one stopped working. I'm really, really sorry. It's ok if you need some time to think about that. I just wanted you to know that I love you and that there's no excuse for what I did. Love, Santana.
When she looked up from sending the text Santana was greeted with Rachel's phone being held out to her.
"I have everyone from Glee's numbers in there. You can copy them across," she told her. Santana looked at the phone for a moment but didn't take it.
"Can you read them out to me?" she asked hesitantly.
"Sure," Rachel smiled. They spent the next few minutes with Rachel quietly reading peoples' names and numbers out to Santana so she could input them into her phone. "You should put Dad and Daddy's numbers in there too. In case you need anything," Rachel suggested. Santana hesitated, then nodded and Rachel read the numbers out to her.
"And yours?" Santana asked. Her phone beeped.
Hi :)
Rachel giggled and Santana's lips quirked up.
Hi back…dork.
"I'm not a dork," Rachel tried her best to sound affronted, but it didn't work too well when she couldn't stop smiling.
"Yes you are," Santana suddenly shuffled closer and rested her head on Rachel's shoulder. Rachel managed to contain her shock and after the slightest hesitation, turned her head until her cheek rested against the top of Santana's head.
"Maybe just a little bit," she replied.
"Santana?" Leroy called out from downstairs. "Uh…I think you should come down here!" Santana shifted her head out from under Rachel's and looked at her questioningly. Rachel shrugged, as clueless as she was. She stood up, reaching down to tug Santana up by the hand and they made their way out into the hallway and down the stairs. They got about halfway down, Santana in front when she froze, almost causing Rachel to crash into her.
"What…?" Santana breathed.
There in the foyer next to Leroy (who was evidently on the phone to Hiram, filling him in) stood the entire Glee club, Mr Schue included, and Miss Pillsbury, surrounded by a few bags and boxes. Brittany stepped out from behind Puck and smiled hesitantly at Santana.
"I'm sorry I didn't text you back. We were busy packing. We went and got some of your things," she said gently. Rachel had stepped down next to Santana who stood frozen and wide eyed, taking in the sight before her.
"We couldn't get everything. You parents weren't really thrilled with the idea of us taking anything. But we got most of your clothes, some of your books and CDs and stuff. Brittany says we got pretty much everything you love most," Mr Schue said, his voice gentle too. Rachel could feel Santana trembling next to her and without thinking she reached for her hand. Santana immediately latched onto her hand tightly, almost painfully, and Rachel squeezed back, trying to reassure her. She managed to tug her the rest of the way down the stairs until they were standing on the last step. She could see Santana scanning their friends' faces and swallowing convulsively. Mercedes slowly moved forward.
"It's ok honey. We know this is probably really overwhelming for you. And it's probably scary and humiliating for you to have us see you like this," Santana ducked her head and Mercedes reached out to take her other hand. "But it's ok. We love you. You don't have to feel that way with us. We're you're friends. We're here for you. Whether you want us or not. Ok?" she squeezed the small hand in hers and Santana squeezed back.
"Ok," Santana managed, her voice choked.
"Come here," Mercedes let go of Santana's hand and carefully wrapped her arms around her. She was surprised when Santana came willingly, but she figured that Santana was pretty overwhelmed and just held onto her gently. They'd never been close by any stretch but since they had done their duets together they had developed a mutual respect which had then blossomed into something of a casual friendship.
Santana felt pressure on her from all sides all of a sudden and the temperature around her skyrocketed and she realised she had been folded into a group hug. It only lasted a second and then voices sounded around her and she head Rachel's voice directing people upstairs, presumably to take her things to her room. She was still in Mercedes' arms and someone was pressed against her back. She turned her head and caught a whiff of familiar shampoo and realised it was Brittany.
"Do you have my number Santana?" Mercedes asked, finally pulling back and breaking the hug. Santana nodded, smiling slightly. "Call me anytime ok? Or you're welcome to come over. You remember where I live?" Santana nodded again. She had insisted on practising for their duets at Mercedes house so the other girl wouldn't see the way her parents treated her. "Just watch your language in front of my Mom this time," Mercedes joked and Santana smirked. She tensed when Brittany's chin landed on her shoulder and her cheek pressed against hers.
"Did I do ok Santana?" Brittany asked softly, ignoring Santana's reaction.
"You did this?" Santana asked, clicking all of a sudden.
"I tried to talk to your Mom myself first. But that didn't go so good," Santana felt her blood run cold at that. "Then I called Mr Schue 'cause he was, like, magical with words when we broke all of the pillows and Puck and Lauren broke that stuff in the hotel in New York. Then I called Quinn to help and then the whole Glee Club came. I don't know how that happened but they were all worried about you." Santana was only half paying attention to Brittany's words, too busy picturing what could have gone down when Brittany had approached her mom. She slowly turned to face her girlfriend, Brittany's face falling at the expression on hers. "What? Did I do something wrong?" she asked, her voice timid.
"You talked to my Mom?" Santana asked, her voice high and scared.
"Yeah," Brittany shuddered. The other Glee clubbers were coming back down the stairs but Santana was beyond caring, her concern for Brittany overriding her concern about her image for the first time ever.
"Are you ok? Did she do anything to you? Did she hurt you?" Santana's hands brushed softly over Brittany's cheeks, her neck and over her shoulders, her eyes following, checking for damage.
"No. She called me a lot of names…and some things I didn't really understand and then she told me to get the fuck off her property but she didn't hurt me," Brittany shrugged, capturing Santana's hands in her own and kissing her palms. Their display was interrupted by an effeminate throat clearing. Santana jumped and whipped around suddenly aware of everyone watching them. Kurt had his hands on his hips, one eyebrow raised and he was smirking at her.
"You are in for a world of retaliatory lesbian jokes. You know that right," he commented dryly. Santana swallowed hard at the confirmation that they all knew everything and just barely managed a scared watery smile and a tiny nod. Kurt's smirk dissolved into a friendly smile and he reached out to tentatively brush a hand against her shoulder.
"Schue wouldn't let me punch your Dad's face in," Puck blurted in the quiet that followed. He shuffled uncomfortably after he said it and Santana eyed him warily, confused by his outburst. "Look, I know we were just fuck buddies and we had like, zero respect for each other but…I do like you Santana, and no one deserves to be treated like that," he said in a rush, the words all tumbling out on top of each other.
"We're going to get going now," Tina said pointedly, seeing that Santana was beginning to look really scared and upset. "We just put everything in your room Santana. We figured you could set it up how you want it," she smiled and Santana managed another small, watery smile back.
"Thank you," she said softly. After a brief round of goodbyes all but Quinn, Brittany, Mr Schue and Miss Pillsbury had left and Santana was drained, wobbling a little on her feet in the foyer.
"Santana I'd really like it if when school goes back if you'd come and see me for a chat," Miss Pillsbury told her in her high, childlike voice. "It doesn't have to be anything formal, and there's no pressure but I think it's important to talk through some of what's happened ok?" Santana shook her head half heartedly, too tired to put up much of a fight. "Well, we'll talk about it when the time comes," Miss Pillsbury replied, her voice firmer than before and Santana realised she wasn't going to get off quite so easily. She and Mr Schue said their goodbyes and Rachel's Dads disappeared back into the kitchen, leaving the four girls alone in the foyer. They stood silently for a few moments before Santana spoke.
"They all know?" she asked timidly.
"Baby the whole town knows," Brittany said softly.
"It's Lima, honey. Gossip travels," Quinn added, equally gently. Santana wobbled precariously and three sets of hands reached out to steady her.
"I feel sick," Santana whimpered. Her hands came up and she pressed her palms tightly over her eyes. "I feel sick," she repeated. Brittany's arms wrapped around her and Santana's first instinct was to shove her away. She fought it and carefully unwrapped them from around her body instead, gently pressing them to the blonde's sides. "I don't want a hug," she said, careful to keep her voice even. "I want to be alone please," Santana all but ran up the stairs on unsteady legs and they heard the familiar sound of her door closing a few moments later.
"She's trying very hard," Brittany said softly, her voice a heartbreaking mixture of sadness and pride.
"Yeah she is," Rachel agreed.
-G-
In her room Santana paced anxiously for a few moments, tangling her hands in her long hair, pulling to the point where it became painful. She hated the idea that all of Lima now knew her deepest darkest secrets. She wondered exactly what they knew. She guessed they knew she was gay and that she had been thrown out. She wondered if they knew that her parents had beaten her up too? She wondered if, if they knew that, how many of them suspected that it wasn't the first time? She wondered about the Glee Club and how many of them suspected something else going on. She knew for sure some of them had seen bruises when she had changed in front of them before. She had always used Cheerios as an excuse but now they would connect the dots, put two and two together and at least suspect that she was lying all along. And they'd pity her. They'd all look at her like she was just poor Santana whose parents never loved her. Whose parents beat her up and shot her down at every turn.
"Fuck!" Santana picked up a pillow and hurled it at the door as hard as she could as fury pulsed through her at the idea. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," she mumbled over and over as her voice cracked and she dissolved into tears. She gave herself a minute to cry it out before pulling herself together, wiping at her eyes and nose and then reaching for one of the boxes that had been stacked neatly against her bedroom wall. She carried it over to the bed and opened it cautiously. It was full of her shoes, all of her favourite shoes. Santana pulled them out reverently, pair by pair, setting them neatly on the floor in rows as she did. When the box was empty Santana set it aside and grabbed another one, which contained the rest of her shoes and several of her jackets from her closet. Santana snatched up her favourite black, fringed leather jacket as soon as she saw it, lifting it to her nose and smelling the familiar smell of leather and her favourite perfume that clung to it.
The next box contained a bunch of her little bits and pieces from around her room, ornaments, picture frames, scented candles, some trinket-y things that Brittany had given her and her jewellery box. A few things that she loved were noticeably missing, namely a small unicorn statue that Brittany had given her after nationals and a blown glass heart that she had given her for Christmas the year before. Santana tried not to think about what might have happened to them as she arranged the other objects around the room. She paused when she heard voices passing her door.
"Maybe she'll feel a little happier now that her room feels more like it's her own."
"God, I hope so."
Santana couldn't help the tiny, slightly confused smile that crossed her lips at hearing Leroy and Hiram's words. They really seemed to want her happy. She still firmly believed that they'd eventually figure out that she wasn't worth their time and effort but she made a silent vow that until then she would try harder to do better for them. She finished arranging her little bits and pieces around the room, finishing up by setting a photo of her and Brittany at Nationals on her bedside table. She stared at it for a moment and then she suddenly remembered something. She grabbed her jewellery box and tipped all of the jewellery out onto the bed before pulling the thin faux velvet covered cardboard panel piece out of the very bottom. The tattered photo was right where she had tucked it away years ago and she pulled it out, smiling at it as she ran her thumbs over it to wipe off a few flecks of dirt from the jewellery box. She replaced the panel in the jewellery box and dumped all of her jewellery unceremoniously back into it. She stared at the photo a little longer before carefully placing the photo on top of her jewellery and closing the box, putting it on top of her dresser.
She unpacked the rest of her boxes and the bags, finding mostly clothes, some of her books, her DVD's and CD's and some of her bedding. Santana was shocked that they had managed to get hold of her expensive digital camera and it's bagful of accessories, although she had saved her birthday and Christmas money from all of her relatives, plus money she had earned from doing odd jobs for them and had paid for most of it herself. She had never been more grateful for the extreme paranoia she had about leaving her photos on her computer that had led to her backing them all up on a series of SD cards; Brittany had gotten those from their hiding place too. They hadn't managed to get her laptop or any of her various other devices. Santana found she didn't much care about that. She was just incredibly grateful for what they had gotten. In all they had probably gotten a little under half of her belongings. It was far more than what she had ever expected that she would be able to get back. She had been planning for a while to sneak in and out of the house and take a few of her most beloved things while her family was out. She had had no idea how she would do it and she was grateful now that she wouldn't have to. She picked up her comforter from her old room and looked at it a while. She wasn't sure if she wanted it anymore or not. It smelled like home. A home she missed desperately but was no longer welcome in.
-G-
About an hour after she heard Santana stop moving around in her room Rachel decided to go in and check on her. Quinn had decided to leave her be for the day and had coaxed Brittany into sleeping over at her house by bribing her with popcorn, cherry coke and Disney movies. Rachel decided against knocking again since the door was already open a crack and she didn't want to wake Santana if she was asleep anyway.
"Santana?" she called out quietly as she pushed the door open slowly. There was no answer and Rachel pushed the door open enough for her head to poke through. "Oh my God," she giggled. "Daddy! Dad!" she called out quietly down the hall, moving away from Santana's door to knock on theirs. Her dad opened the door, looking half asleep, obviously trying to catch up on some of the sleep they'd lost the night before. "You guys have to come see this," Rachel giggled. The two men followed her down the hall to Santana's room, where Rachel opened the door to reveal what had amused her so much.
"Oh now that is cute," Leroy whispered, covering his mouth to hold back a laugh. Santana's bed was piled high with clothes, pillows, empty bags and various other belongings. Sound asleep in the middle of the carnage, curled in a neat little ball and wrapped snugly in her old comforter was Santana. To top off the image, the head off a small stuffed unicorn poked out of the blankets next to Santana's cheek. Rachel would have bet her voice that Brittany had given it to her. A click sounded just behind Rachel and she turned to find Hiram with his camera.
"Dad!" she scolded.
"This is way too good to pass up," he shrugged, raising the camera and snapping another couple of photos.
"She'll kill you if she finds out," Rachel warned.
"Like you said you would when you found out I took the photos of you asleep and drooling on your sheet music for sectionals?" Hiram asked sweetly as he checked the photos to make sure he'd gotten at least one good one. He took a couple closer up for good measure before he gestured to Leroy and they wandered off, leaving Rachel to glare murderously after them. Once they were gone she started to clear some of the stuff off of the bed from around Santana. As she moved a pile of clothes from under Santana's feet Santana let out a contented sigh and stretched out her legs. Her socked feet brushed against Rachel's leg and she tugged at the comforter to cover them again. Rachel finished clearing stuff off the bed and Santana's eyes fluttered a little bit and her unicorn disappeared under the blankets with a firm tug. Rachel drew her hands back, waiting to see if she would wake. She didn't though, settling back into her blanket after a couple of seconds of wiggling, her face more peaceful than Rachel had seen it since the day she had turned up on their doorstep. Rachel watched her for a few seconds before moving away from the bed to pull the curtains closed, darkening the room before she crept out quietly and closed the door behind her once again.
-G-
"Leroy?" He turned around from the stove at the timid voice behind him and found Santana in the doorway, her arms full of bedding.
"What's up honey?" he asked.
"I don't want these anymore," Santana nodded at the bedding in her arms. "Where can I put them?"
"Why don't you put them in the laundry?" he asked, moving to help her. "They seem to be in pretty good condition, so we could wash them and take them to goodwill if you don't want them?" he suggested.
"Ok," Santana nodded.
"Would you like to get some new ones?" he asked as he led her through to the laundry area that sat in the garage. "You could pick them out yourself?" he offered, putting the stuff he was holding into the basket and turning to take the small pile Santana still held. She looked torn, like she liked the idea of new bedding but something was holding her back. Leroy walked back past her, gesturing for her to follow, not missing the way she flattened herself against the wall as he passed, and walked back into the kitchen. He gestured for her to sit down as he checked on the two lasagnes in the oven and the vegetables on top of the stove before opening the fridge and pouring two glasses of apple juice. He handed one to Santana and took one for himself, downing it in a few gulps as Santana took a hesitant sip. "Are you uncomfortable about us spending money on you?" he asked gently when Santana had finally taken a few small mouthfuls of her juice.
"Yes," she answered quietly.
"I know it's hard," Leroy told her. "Sometimes it feels like taking charity and sometimes it feels like being a burden on someone else. I got thrown out of my house too, Santana. When I was 16. I lived with my Aunt and Uncle and I think I know how you feel," Santana looked up, wide eyed at Leroy's revelation. "I felt horribly guilty about them spending money on me," Santana looked down at her hands again. "Santana we won't buy you a lot of things if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but having you here makes me realise why my Aunt and Uncle always wanted to buy me things. It feels nice for us to do something for you that might make you feel a little happier here," Leroy told her honestly. Santana lifted her eyes to Leroy's and as it so often was, her gaze was searching.
"Maybe I could just get a new comforter for now?" she suggested, her voice timid and uncertain. Leroy nodded encouragingly. "A purple one?" she added, sounding for a second like a little girl.
"Sure," Leroy beamed. "You could go with Rachel to pick one? Ever since we sent her to get you a few clothes we've practically had to restrain her from buying you everything under the sun. I'm sure she'd love to help you pick one out," he suggested. Santana wrung her hands nervously for a few seconds and then nodded.
"Can I help with dinner?" she asked, remembering her earlier promise to be better and more helpful.
"You could set the table if you'd like?" Leroy suggested, pointing to the plates and cutlery he had piled on the counter earlier before Santana had come in. She quietly set to work, setting out four places and when she was done Leroy smiled. "Thank you. I've got everything under control here. I'll call you when it's ready?" he offered.
"Ok," she nodded. She wrung her hands again for a moment, looking like she wanted to say something, but then she sighed, dropped her hands to her sides and walked out of the room.
-G-
Santana decided that she wanted to take a shower before dinner. She hadn't had one since Quinn came over the first time and she felt gross after all of the unpacking she had done in her room. She searched through her drawers, pulling out her favourite comfy jeans and a plain t-shirt and headed to the bathroom. After washing her hair and drying off she combed out the tangles and watched as it started to curl uncontrollably as it started to air dry. She frowned, tugging on the ends of it before giving up with a huff and getting dressed. She threw her dirty clothes into her room and clutched her towel tightly in her hands as she made her way over to stand outside Rachel's room. She knocked gently and heard a scuffle inside and then the door opened revealing Rachel on the phone.
"Hold on," she said to the person on the phone. "Hey," she greeted Santana softly.
"Hey," Santana replied, glancing down to her white-knuckled, death grip on the towel. "I just wanted to borrow your blow dryer and stuff," Santana shook her head slightly; making her damp curls bounce around her shoulders a little. "Oh sure," Rachel smiled and stood back to let her in.
"Finn I have to go now," Rachel said into the phone as she closed the door behind Santana. "Yeah, ok. I'll talk to you later. Yeah, me too. Bye," Rachel hung up and tossed the phone on her bed. She grabbed her desk chair and gestured for Santana to sit down. Once she had, Rachel took the towel from her, frowning when she had to prise Santana's fingers off of it. "May I?" she asked, reaching toward Santana's long hair with the towel. Santana nodded and Rachel set to work, towelling more water out of her hair before blow drying it. Santana closed her eyes and listened to Rachel's soft humming as she worked the straighteners through her hair. She opened them again when she felt Rachel twist her hair around the straighteners and caught her eyes in the mirror. "Do you want it straight? It's pretty with a little curl in the ends," she told her.
"S'fine," Santana gave her a tiny smile and Rachel continued with her curling.
"I came to find you before. You were sleeping and I moved some stuff off your bed so you would get all cramped up," Rachel told her. "I hope that was ok."
"Oh, that was you," Santana had wondered who had cleared her bed off while she was napping.
"Yeah. Sorry," Rachel apologised.
"No. S'fine," Santana told her. "I just thought maybe Britt had come back." Her face saddened and Rachel dropped a hand to her shoulder.
"She wanted to stay," she said softly. "Quinn bribed her away with Cherry Coke and Disney movies. She thought you might like some time alone to sort through your things…and your thoughts," Rachel explained, cautious when she added the last part.
"She wanted to stay?" Santana asked, her voice had the tiniest spark of hope and Rachel ached for her. "She doesn't hate me?"
"God Santana, no. You know Brittany could never hate anyone, especially not you. Never you. She just…doesn't know how to handle you right now. At least I think that's what's going on. I don't really know her like I used to," Rachel tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice in her last two sentences, she really did, but she failed miserably. She finished the last curl in Santana's hair and placed the straighteners on the heat proof mat she had unwrapped them from. Santana's hand caught hers as she went to pull it away.
"Don't hate her for that," she said softly, almost inaudibly. "That was all my fault. It was all me. I made her do it. She didn't want to but I made her. Don't blame her," Santana's voice was still soft and hard to hear but it had also become pleading. "Blame me for all of that. Hate me. I deserve it." Her hand had slipped away from Rachel's and she was wringing her hands in her lap again.
"Come here," Rachel gripped her wrist tightly and pulled her over to sit her on the bed. Santana's breathing sped up and she tried to tug her arm back, panic beginning to rise within her. She whimpered and began to cower a little and Rachel let go abruptly, realising what she had done. "I'm sorry. Look, Santana you don't deserve hate," she began, keeping her hands away from Santana as the other girl settled herself down. "From me or anybody. But I don't forgive you for the things you did. I need you to know that. I need you to know that you hurt me so badly. And I did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING!" with basically no warning Rachel had lost the tenuous grip she held over her emotions, her eyes were brimming with tears and her voice was raising in pitch and volume. "I did NOTHING to you and look at what you did to me. But all of the bullying and the name calling and the slushies. None of that compares. The worst thing of all was you took Brittany away from me," Rachel's voice broke. "You took my best friend away from me. She was mine first and you turned her against me. All of the rest of it I could have dealt with if I'd had someone on my side. But I had no one. Because you took my only friend," Rachel was half yelling, half sobbing by now and Santana had dissolved into tears on Rachel's bed.
"Girls what is going on in here," Hiram opened the door, looking worried.
"Go away Dad. These are things that need to be said!" Rachel yelled at him. Hiram looked between them, seeing Rachel's aggressive stance and Santana's cowering, crying form on the bed.
"Then sit down and say them as calmly as you can, Rachel. You need to stop yelling because you are scaring Santana right now and if you do that? She's not going to remember any of this; she's just going to remember you yelling and her being afraid of you. Sit down," Hiram moved into the room and grabbed the desk chair that Santana had been sitting in before. He placed it behind Rachel and gently pressed down on her shoulders, persuading her to sit. "Take a deep breath and say what you need to say without yelling," he told her calmly. "Santana?" he said gently. She hiccupped and nodded, wiping at one eye with the back of her hand. "Are you ok?" she nodded again and Hiram nodded back. "Ok. I'm going to leave. If I hear yelling, from anybody, I'm coming back and I'm putting a stop to this," he warned. He eyed both girls before walking back out of the room and closing the door. Rachel took a deep shuddering breath and tried to keep her voice calm.
"What did I ever to do you?" she asked, her voice wobbling. Now that her anger had ebbed it was replaced with deep hurt and sadness. "She was all I had. You could have been friends with anyone. No one wanted their kids to be friends with me in case they caught gay," the bitterness had returned to Rachel's voice now and Santana's eyes widened. "You didn't know that," Rachel stated flatly when she caught the look and Santana shook her head, horrified at the realisation of what that could mean for herself as well as what it had meant for Rachel. "Do you know one of my earliest memories is of being at the playground with Daddy and hearing a woman say to her son 'you don't go near that little girl in the sandbox. Her parents are gay.' Like it was something he might catch. Like a fucking virus or something," Rachel spat angrily and Santana recoiled at the f-word coming out of Rachel's mouth. Rachel sat quietly for a few seconds, audibly working to control her breathing.
"Do you know what's sad Santana?" the anger had gone again when she finally spoke, replaced by a sort of musing sadness. Santana shook her head looking for like she was afraid of the answer. "If you hadn't pushed me away, I'd have been your biggest ally. I don't know what it's like to actually be gay. But I know what it's like to be discriminated against because of sexuality. I would have had your backs all along. And I'd have fought tooth and nail to make sure that you two were accepted and were treated equally, whenever you chose to come out." Her words broke Santana and she slid off the bed, curling against it and gripping the comforter in her fists as she sobbed. Rachel hesitated for the briefest second as some deeply buried bitter part of her reared up with the thought that Santana deserved to break down and to hurt for what she had done to Rachel, but ultimately her better side won out and she dropped off the chair and onto her knees next to the crying girl. "I don't forgive you Santana. Not yet," she said softly and Santana flinched like Rachel had hit her. "But I want to. But that's going to take time," she reached out and touched Santana's shoulder and then Santana was off her floor like a shot, her breaths shortening and becoming ragged, her face paling before Rachel's eyes. Rachel froze for a second, waiting to see what she would do.
She took off out of the door and by the time Rachel had leapt off the floor to follow her, she had shut herself in the bathroom. Rachel pressed her ear to the door and could hear her forcing out choked sobs and rapid, shallow breaths, probably while sitting in the empty bathtub.
"Santana? Should I get Britt?" She called out hesitantly. When she got no answer she tried the door, finding it locked. Rachel turned to lean her back against the door and slid down to sit against it on the floor. Leroy came up from downstairs then and cocked his head sympathetically when he saw Rachel's position and her tearstained face and red eyes. "Daddy, can you call Brittany please?" she asked. "I think I screwed up."
"Of course," Leroy looked at Rachel and then the closed bathroom door for long moments before turning and heading back downstairs.
One step forward and two steps back. He hoped that things would get better for Santana soon.
-G-
Crap that was long…thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed.