The internet is a wonderful place… especially Reddit, for "Reasons" NOT THOSE REASONS! I will say nothing more other than recommend you visit r/nosleep
Chapter 11: Now this is a story all about how…
Our trio of wonder has returned to the holy palace of the 9th kingdom of the 100th plane of existence- WAIT, WRONG SCRIPT, ABORT MISSION.
Ahem. Our trio of friends has returned to the Planeptune Basilicom.
"You make children work, and you react violently when criticized. What a bad influence for kids!" An unknown childlike voice shouts "You started it!" A wild Neptune shouts "I'm not a child…" Miss Plutia responds (Don't ask… 'things' happened.)
"You always come here, make a big fuss, and then toss around false accusations." Noire says slightly pissed"Shut up! I'm on a mission to protect every single child in the whole wide world!" The unknown voice says angrily.
"Are we interrupting something here?" Maddy questions "Hmm? Who are you three?" Miss ImNot12Im13 asks "You want the full story? Or the Outback Explorer Special Funny Cunt Edition" Alex asks which gets a few confused gazes from everyone except Maddy and James.
"Huh? The hell is that supposed to be!? Whatever I'll go with option 2" Miss WhoActuallyGivesACrapWhoItIsIMeanWeAllKnowItsThatWhinyBitchHopefully.
"Magnificent! Very well, it all started way back when, when we met the great and powerful Dropbear" Alex began "Of course it has to be that story… he literally tells it every time someone picks that option" Maddy laments while James shrugs "What do you mean by that?" Noire asks confused "Just listen to the story and you will understand…maybe."
"Story start! We were out on a trip to the bush in search of something that is mildly awesome. We searched high and low when we finally stopped by a clearing with a large tree in the centre. We sat down to take a quick break and eat some food when suddenly… ! A large creature dropped from the tree in front of us. It had sharp teeth and claws, messy grey fur, and a body big enough to knock a cunt out just by touching it. This creature sniffed the air in search of food when it looked directly at me with its Big Black Eyes. It walked slowly over towards me eyes on the item in my hands. A fresh opened container of dark brown substance. In a flash it grabbed the container straight from my hands and bolted in the other direction. When we finally snapped out of our feared state I noticed my container was fucking gone and immediately shouted towards the direction of this asshole of a fucking creature."
"YOU FUCKING MUG GIMME BACK MY FUCKING VEGEMITE! YOU COCK SUCKING FURRY CUNT OF A FUCKING MONGOL!"
"And from that day onward I vowed revengeance on the beast known only as the Dropbear..." Alex finally finished his story "Nice story!" Neptune told him with a thumbs up and a wink "Woooow… did that reeeaaallly happen…?" Madame Plutia asked "Nope! And it was completely pointless too. TL;DR I wasted your time!" Alex told them with a grin which only made BitchFaceDestroyerOfEars angry.
"Just tell me who you are already!" RejectedInHighschoolProbably said very angrily "Fine then Miss CommanderOfTheBitchBrigade. I'm Alex, and these two fine people are James and Maddy" Alex answered pointing to the respective people while also making TheLiteralBiggestBitchInTheWholeWideWorld angrier "My name is Abnes! And I am not a bitch!" 'Abnes' shouted "Good for you! You want a fucking medal?"
"Alright I think that's enough we can insult her another day," Maddy said pulling the two apart. "Now that everything is settled down" Noire began "Why are you even here Abnes?" She questioned.
"Ahem! Well, I completed my investigation. You're the new CPU here, right?" Abnes asked looking at Neptune "Ooh! Has my awesome reputation reached even this little girl I've never seen before!?" Neptune asked happy someone finally recognised her (not.)
"I'm flattered, but if I get too famous, my private life will… Too much charisma is a curse!" Neptune continued "She's not a CPU" Nowa boldly stated "Correction she's not a CPU currently," Alex said.
"What?" Abnes asked confused "Ugh, Noire! Don't shoot me down so fast. She totally thought I was a CPU…" Neptune said a little saddened "But she's right… You can't even transform…" Lady Plutia said.
(I'm hiring a new Narrator or I'm just gonna narrate it myself… poor bastard. And that children is why you don't call Iris Heart an 'Old Hag!' Let this be a lesson to anyone who wishes to not die or suffer permanent mental damage… thank fuck she can't find me… hopefully)
"Wh-What?" Abnes seemed completely baffled "Aww, not you too, Plutie… You shouldn't crush a poor little girl's dreams like that..." Neptune pouted "You're not a CPU…? Then how did I lose!?" Abnes said irritated.
"Because you're weak" Noire stated.
"Maaaaybe because you're weak..." Lady Plutia stated.
"Less bark and bite than a dogoo" Neptune stated.
"I've seen ducks with more bite than you" Alex stated (Fun fact: this is legitimately possible. Seriously ducks can be vicious.)
"I doubt you are strong… try fighting a kangaroo and learn how easy it is for you to get dropped by an animal" Maddy stated.
"I could surrender the fight and still beat you" James stated.
Wow lotta of harsh words there, although they are pretty much 150% accurate.
"..." Abnes was silent for a few seconds "Y-y-y-You! What is your name!?" she shouted at Neptune "You didn't catch it? Neptune" she responded to the really angry child "Neptune… I won't forget that name!"
"Oh, hang on, kid. I think it's rude to adults when you demand a name without giving your own" Neptune asked "Did Neptune not hear her earlier? No matter. Oi! Neptune the only 'Adults' here are us 3 as we don't look like children or teenagers!" Alex said but was basically ignored because his opinion was unimportant.
(I HEARD THAT YOU FUCKING CUNT OF A NARRATOR! OI STOP RUNNING GET THE FUCK BACK HERE SO I CAN BASH YER 'EAD IN!)
(Oh boy… guess I'm narrating for a bit)
"Hmph. Fine. I'll tell you just this once" Abnes smirked "I am the Seven Sages' idol and public relations manager! You may call me…Abnes!" What the fuck? How the fuck? The hell, how did that text show up… IM the author and I don't understand.
"Nepu! Introductory graphic text!? What the heck, Ant!? I didn't get one when I appeared!" Neptune shouted "I honestly don't know Neptune… it just happened. I ain't got a clue how" I say breaking all immersion possible and every damn wall I can.
After the confusion from my sudden interference, Abnes continued her crazy talk that would probably get her signed into a home "I can't wait to talk about this in excruciating detail at the next Seven Sages meeting!" She said with a somewhat victorious manner "If we seriously tried, we could bury this nation under regulatory red tape before you could blink! Be prepared!"
"Hey, am I legally allowed to order the construction of a mental hospital, just so I can admit her?" Alex asked aloud which got him a few glares "Tough crowd…" he muttered as Abnes left quickly.
"And there she goes. It's so not fair that she got a cool logo. She's just some weak kid…" Neptune pouted.
"If someone like her is one of the leaders of the Seven Sages, maybe they're all pushovers?" Neptune questioned "Well, if you assume they're all like that girl, sure. But we don't know anything about the others" Noire answered.
"It's so good you're here, Neppy. Every other time she comes. That girl teases me over and over…" that sounds like a really bad idea. "Idiots can't handle difficult conversations, thus the violence. Every tool has its use."
"And every instance of Noire is a tool…" Alex muttered "Hehehe, you flatter me… Wait, that was a compliment, right?"
"Sure, why not? She might come back to complain about what happened, so you can handle her then, Neptune" Noire said… feel like I should not overly say who said what… and just let you take a guess at this point. I mean saying '? said' so much can get really annoying even for me… and I don't even read my story.
"Please protect us, Neppy…!" Plutia said cheerfully "Yes please protect us O' great one" Alex snickered, he's really enjoying making fun of people.
"Now that, that's settled. Noire. On a scale of 1-10, how pissed would you be if someone here became a CPU before you" James asked to which he received a confused look from both her and Neptune surprisingly.
Noire took a minute to think about it before coming to a conclusion "Well, if it was Neptune I'd say 11, either way, I'd still be quite mad" Alex and James looked at each other and spoke at the same time "Shock on not!" Maddy gave them both a glare and muttered something about them being wusses.
"Well, you all can have fun with the coming revelation we are gonna go drink the day away" Alex piped up putting his arm around James' neck who nodded in agreement as they walked towards the door before being pulled back from their collar by a pissed off Maddy "Oh no you don't! You two are sticking around whether you like it or not, got it?" She told them with a smile that could rival a 'happy' Ploot.
"So… here's the thing Nowa. You see, back when we were doing some quests we actually found something you might like. A CPU Memory!" Alex began which made Noire's eyes widen "Really!? Where is it?!" She hurriedly asked "Well, that's the problem. During the last quest to slay an Ancient Dragon we encountered an unknown monster. This fucker was a brute and gave us a real hard time, that was until we started having problems with keeping up with it. That was when Maddy here had a bright idea" James continued which only made Noire confused.
"We gave her the time to put her plan into action. You see Maddy here was the one who found the memory… I think you can piece it together" Alex finished as Noire began thinking about what kind of plan it could have been.
When she finally pieced it together she looked shocked "N-n-No way… how could this happen…" Noire muttered "This is the worst day ever. How did you become a CPU before me!?" Noire shouted pointing at Maddy "Sorry, but if I didn't do it I'm pretty sure none of us would be alive to tell the tale. Maybe you don't get it but, we have fought similar monsters before and they were not easy whatsoever" Maddy answered trying to calm down Noire.
"Wait, does this mean you're gonna go off to make a natio-" Noire was cut off by Maddy "Nah, fuck that. I got a better idea. I'm gonna go have a word with the author" Shit… I'm fucked, aren't I? Guess I should just comply by using some bullshit excuse that says she doesn't need to do this whole nation bullshit and place it under the guise of plot.
Once everything calmed down the legendary trio of the land down under returned back to the hotel they were staying at for the night.
Nothing interesting happened that night. Nothing at all.
(Hmm? Who's knocking on my door right now… It's unlocked!)
(Fuck… I should've locked it with reinforced memes)
(Hmhmhm, you need to be punished boy, don't you agree Maddy?)
(Of course I do, Plutia!)
(Shit… AH I KNOW * Finds file on PC labeled 096 .jpeg then proceeds to open it and dive out the window * HAHA SEE YA LATER NERDSSSSS)
"My feet are on fire! I can't walk any more!" Neptune complains "I'm pretty tired, too…" Plutia complains "I STILL HAVE LIKE 2-3K WORDS LEFT TO WRITE" I complain "Shut up and get the fuck back to writing you no good lonely cunt of an author who has far too much time on their hands!" Ouch.
"Gosh, you two are pathetic. This isn't very hard" Noire sighs "Nuh-uh, it's soooo hard… You're too energetic, Noire…" Plutia continues to complain "I concur! I dunno about Plutie, but my lovely frame wasn't built for hard labour" Are we just gonna complain about everything now? If so I want to complain about how fucking bullshit RNG is.
"Don't make such weird excuses! Plutia is the CPU, and you're just some random moocher!" Noire tells her off… what is this 1st grade? "You're both in positions where you ought to be working ten times harder than I am!" Noire rants some more.
"Yikes, that's harsh! You're so strict, Noire! Not even Histy has ever been that hard on me!" Neptune says surprised "Neptune I'm pretty sure Histy could lecture us all to death so I highly doubt that," James told her the cold hard truth… no, seriously she was like this close, right you can't see me… just pretend I'm making a pinching motion with my thumb and forefinger leaving a small gap between them. Yeah, so she was basically ready to lecture me on how to be a normal human being.
"Only people who are pushed to work hard will become successful!" Noire says irritated "I call bullshit on that Noire. Source: High school fucking sucks… actually, any kind of normal education that isn't a TAFE or something similar sucks. Source: The author dropped out because he literally cannot stand the bullshit schools give, he's doing a specialized course in computers now" Hey! Who said you could reveal my personal life… Wait, I actually don't care enough since it's fucking true.
"Hey, I've been wondering… Who's this Histy person you mention every now and then?" Plutia asks "Yeah, I'm kind of curious, too. Is she your history teacher…?" Noire asks "Heck no! She's more like a coach than a teacher, if that makes sense" Did you just say 'heck'? UR NOW BANNED FROM MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER FUCKO!
"Ooooh, you're so good with synonyms, Neppy..." Plutia said in surprise "it doesn't matter what term you use. We're asking who she is" Noire continued "Hmm, how do I explain it…?" Neptune said as she started thinking.
"Histy is the Oracle for my nation. She floats on a book and is real smart, but kinda weird, too" she began "She's always telling me to work. I dunno if she's what we'd call a human, though..." She finished "Okay, enough. I think I got the gist of it."
"You do…? Wow Noire, you're soooo amazing…!" Plutia complimented "I guess you don't get it, then? Behold, for I am wearing my shocked face."
"It's not that I understood you, but there's someone living here very similar to who you described" Noire answered "She floats, is smart but a little odd, and yells at everyone to get to work" she continued "Hmm? Ohhhh, that's right… She sounds like Histoire!" Plutia said happily.
"I'm glad you finally understand… Wait! You said Histoire…?" Neptune responded with a smile "Right… we never did talk about this" James muttered to his companions who nodded in response.
"Plutia! Plutia! Please open the door! (° ∀° )" How in the fuck did she make an emoticon I'm so confused "Her timing couldn't be better," Noire said "That voice…! It's way more loli than the one I'm used to, but could that possibly be…?" Is it even possible to have that kind of voice naturally? You know what I ain't gonna ask.
"Welcome home, Histoire!" Plutia said happily as she opened the door "Phew… I finally made it back… ( ; • ∀ • )" Reminder this is a thing now… any time she uses emoticons I will scour the lands to find out how the fuck they came to be (In seriousness only the scenes from the game where she uses emoticons will have them since I can't emote for shit.)
"Nepu! Holy floating gravyboats!" Neptune exclaimed, is that even a thing? "You took soooo long… Where did you go?" Plutia asked "I went shopping at the general store just outside the city. (~_~;)" Histoire of the smaller cuter variety answered, seriously can I keep her, please? "That's an hour's walk, max" Noire said to our cute little fairy "Yes, but they had a deal on AA batteries, and when bought in bulk become quite a heavy burden… (-_-;)" Good Ol' Duracell™ best batteries you can get probably.
"Due to that, my return trip took me about three days. (-_-;)" Histoire answered, "Aww, don't push yourself when you're so itty-bitty…" Plutia said to the smol fairy "You're a weird one, Histoire" Noire smiled at the smol fairy.
"I fail to see why my anecdote is amusing. Hmm? This is a new face. Who is she? (° _° )" Histoire asked "This is Neppy, my neeeew friend…" our resident sleeper said (Ba dum tss… it's a reference) "Is that so? I have a strange feeling that she and I have met somewhere before… (-.-)" Histoire said.
"Oops, where are my manners? I am the one who guides the CPU of this nation, Histoire" Smol Fairy greeted with a smol smile "Y-Y-You're… You're Histy! A teeny-tiny bite-sized Histy!" Neptune shouted with extreme happiness as she hugged the smol fairy.
"Eep! Wh-What is the matter with you? Please refrain from embracing me without warning! Σ (° д ° |||)" Histoire said in surprise at the sudden gesture "So flippin' cute! It's a handheld Histy! Mini-Histy! Oh man… This is the best thing ever!" Neptune said in excitement.
"So Histy…is Histoire?" Plutia questioned "Looks that way. But she keeps calling her small for some reason" Noire answers "That's because she is small" Alex answered the obvious "Oh, but Histy sounds so cute… I like that nickname… I'm gonna start calling her that, too…!" Plutia happily continued.
"I am…having trouble breathing… Help me, you two…! ( д ;)" Mini-Histy said in her struggle "Uh-oooooh, Histy is gonna get smuuuushed…" Plutia said in worry "Yeah, we need to stop Neptune. Come on, let her go already."
"What a frightening ordeal! You must not grab someone and squeeze them with all your might! ° (° ˊ д ˋ °) °" Mini-Histy said "Hehe, sorry about that. I couldn't help it, 'cuz you're just so cute and tiny!" Neptune apologized "I KNOW RIGHT!?" Alex shouted from the back.
"So basically, if you had a cute and furry pet or something, you'd end up accidentally killing it," Noire told the energetic girl "Hey, can I take her home with me? If I set her next to Big Histy, it'd make for a really great postcard!" Neptune asked, "FINALLY SOMEONE AROUND HERE UNDERSTANDS MY THOUGHT PROCESS!" Alex shouted in joy from the back, I don't blame him though.
"There's a Big Histy, too? Wowee… Can we trade for a bit…?" Plutia asked "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Alex continued his joyful shouts "Please do not treat me like a toy! So…Neptune, was it? ( ˊ ▼ ˋ )"
"Yep. I guess you don't know who I am either, huh, Mini-Histy?" Neptune said a little sad "I do not. (=_=) Well, I do not believe so, but I feel a strange tug in my heart…" Smol-Histy answered "Allow me to explain I guess. Histoire, Neptune here is from the same Dimension we came from" Maddy answered "I see. That explains it… (-.-)"
"O-Oh right… nearly forgot about that, hehehe..." Neptune said in a quiet tone "I still don't believe you..." Noire said "You can say that all you want Nowa but the fact is we have cold hard proof," Alex told her "Heyyyy, soooo… What's a different dime mention?" Don't think about the fact there could be more than 1 Iris Heart. Don't think about the fact that there could be more than 1 Iris Heart. I SAID DONT THINK IT!
"So, tell me how can I. I mean we get back home! You've gotta know, Mini-Histy!" Neptune asked the smol fairy "Hmm… I think I have an idea. If another Histoire exists in Neptune's Dimension, then I should be able to communicate with her. ^ ^" Histy of the Smol answers.
"Whoa, crazymazing! When did you download that app?!" Neptune said surprised, that's not a word… (Neither is 'Importanto') You shut up!
"Wooooow. So we can talk to the big Histy…?" Plutia asked surprised by the development "Please wait a moment while I attempt to establish a connection. ( ˋ • ω • ˊ )" Histy answered "Okay! Thanks and stuff!" Neptune thanked the smol fairy.
"… (*•ω•*)~~~~~~~~~" We aren't actually doing this right now? "Ba-bum. Ba-bum." WE ARENT ACTUALLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?! "… (*•ω•*)~~~~~~~~~" PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT HAPPENING?! "Ugh. Fine, do whatever you want" Noire lamented "… (*•ω•*)~~~~~~~~~" QUICKLY SHUTDOWN THE COMPUTER BEFORE THIS GETS OUT OF HAND!
"...Um, hey Mini-Histy, hello? No connection yet? This is taking longer than dial-up" But not as long as Telstra™ when their service goes down "Please do not speak to me now! This is not something that can be done quickly. {{ ( _ ) }}" Histy shouted at her.
"Communicating with another Dimension will take me, hmm… About three days. ( • A • )" Once again Telstra™ "That long!? How about we aim for three minutes?" Neptune shouts in surprise "Try harderrrr… We wanna communicate…!" Plutia demands "Telstra™ could do it faster…wait no they couldn't it would take them 3 days just to get their net online again. Pro-tip: Blame everything on Telstra™" Alex said with words of wisdom and truth.
"Please do not request the impossible from me. (-_-;)" Histoire began "Also, I will be unable to move or speak until I establish a link. ( ˋ • ω • ˊ )" She continued "Therefore, I ask that you do not cause mischief for a few days. Pardon me. (-_-)" she finished.
"Hey, wait…! I have more talking to do..." Neptune began "Searching for network… Establishing link… Searching for network… (*•ω•*)~~~" Disconnecting from network… kill me now… Shutting down pc.
"Well, junk in my trunk. She's like a frozen computer" Neptune sighed "Correction, a frozen computer can still do something" James told her "Poke, poke… Wow, she doesn't move at aaaall… She's like one of my dolls…" Plutia poked at the smol fairy "Hehehe. Maybe I'll put some different clothes on her…" Plutia happily said, "OH FUCK YEAH FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING FUN!" Alex shouted as he stood up.
"Stop it. She said not to bother her for a few days, so let's leave her alone, okay?" Noire told the two off to which one pouted and the other grumbled unintelligible swears… don't ask how I know.
"Well, guess we'll be heading out for now, this got boring so we'll probably go do some quests and head back to the hotel. Bye!" Maddy said as she walked towards the door waving to the three as the two men followed arguing about something in another language that only those 3 understand mostly because the author said so.
A/N Sweet another chapter down and with time to spare. If you are wondering what the language is it's Greek. Love me some real world jokes and memes… but I wasn't lying Telstra™ fucking sucks for service when it goes down or when you have problems. And yes I very much hated school god it fucking sucked glad I fucking dropped out and went to do something I much more prefer. If anyone gets what ' 096 .jpeg ' means you sir/madame get a cookie. also some symbols may not work so if it seems symbols are missing blame the site.