Look! An update! I'm not dead! -TPP
Brat
The Bachelor Party, Part 2 [Or When You Trip Hard And Fall On Your Ass]
Tony, for lack of a better word, was furious.
He could understand the bachelor party getting rowdy. To be honest, he was more than impressed at the amount of damage they'd managed to do in a single night of drinking, especially without The King of Bourbon in attendance.
But what he couldn't understand, or seem to find the answer to, was the fact that his fucking fiancé, the love of his life, and already magical-alien-bonded husband had never come home last night.
Tony had stayed up all night (he'd never admit he'd pouted 98% of the time, the other 2% being a sorry attempt to jack off) because he'd been waiting for Loki.
And when Loki never showed, even after forty-something text messages to Captain Mom and Bird Brain Barton, Tony had decided to turn on the tv and wait some more. He'd been a mess, sweating and uncontrollable urges to vomit. A pain had started fizzing in his stomach and chest, a panic building inside Tony that he'd never felt before, similar to how he'd felt when he'd been abducted by terrorists, but somehow even worse.
How foolish he'd been, thinking something epic and awful wouldn't happen when his fucking team was involved.
Goddammit, and he'd loved that karaoke bar back in the day.
Anyway, now he was here, and his fucking fiance's tracking bracelet had been deactivated hours ago (his first fool-proof way of stalking his husband without looking super pathetic because, come on, S.H.I.E.L.D had to keep tabs on where he was, and Tony was KING of hacking their pathetic servers, so what ELSE was he supposed to have done when he'd started to wonder WHERE THE FUCK HIS LOKI WAS?)
"You're never babysitting again," Tony said, turning his head slightly to look at Barton (not that it mattered, Barton couldn't see how pissed his face actually was behind the Iron Man mask, but it was the general sense of DOOM that he hoped got his point across, cuz Barton looked like a school boy that had gotten caught cheating on a test).
He still had his blaster set on Super Hot Model Possibly Undercover Hitman, ready to blast his ass back to whatever realm he claimed these days if he didn't get some goddamn answers.
"I promise you, Man of Iron, I have nothing to do with his whereabouts," Baldur said casually, inspecting his nails. Like, really, of all the nerve. NERVE.
"Really? REALLY? It's a little too convenient that Project Runway shows up and, oh look, hours later, my fucking husband is fucking missing!"
"Calm down, Tony, we'll figure this out," Barton said, still clutching at his head and squinting his eyes. Good, Tony hoped Barton had the hangover for YEARS.
"I AM CALM," Tony barked, the blaster going off and shattering what was left of the shitty DJ station, "This is AS CALM AS I GET when SOMEBODY I LOVE is MISSING and some god is just sitting here inspecting his nails suspiciously, who knows who this jack-off really is in his spare time. Maybe he killed Loki while you dumb asses were getting drunk and boinking each other!"
"If he was dead, you'd know it," Baldur said, looking at Tony with a fierce face that had Tony realizing how much he looked like Loki: he definitely had the same 'you're a fucking idiot' sneer, "You'd be in agony right now, the lines of your soul would be evaporating. If he was in pain, you would know. So, we can deduce that he is, in fact, safe, at this point in time. He was drunk. He probably ripped that ridiculous tracking device off himself and passed out in an amusement park for all you know."
"Well, that's great and dandy, so how the hell do you propose we find him?"
"Now that is a great question," Baldur said, waving one of his hands in Thor's direction, "As you know, Loki was adopted; we share no blood. Thor and I, we share the blood of our father: blood calls to blood. We could easily locate each other if need be, but Loki…well, he's not of our blood."
"We could trace his magic signature," Thor mumbled, rubbing at his eyes, "Although Baldur is far more skilled in that area than I…"
"And we would need him to be performing magic, or have performed a lot of it in the past day, to do so," Baldur said with a sigh, "So, we can infer that wherever he is, he is NOT using magic. Or, if he is, it isn't enough to draw our attention."
"Fan-fucking-tastic. So he could literally be anywhere in the world."
"Anywhere in the Nine Realms, really," Baldur said with a shrug, "You forget Loki is a wanderer; he knows the paths of Yggdrasil possibly better than any other god in existence."
"…You know what? Maybe you should just fucking stop talking," Tony said, turning down the power on his thrusters until he landed on the ground, his helmet sliding up, "You're stressing me out even more now, Sherlock Holmes."
"What about the bond?" Bruce piped up, rubbing at his head, "can't you sense him? Find him somehow through the link?"
"Mm, it's possible," Baldur murmured, patting Bruce on the head like he was a child, "Good boy, Bruce. Very good."
Oh no. Tony knew that look; he'd been a hard player, he knew the look of someone who'd caught the canary and fucked the feathers right off of it.
"Ugh, no, no no no no, why?" Tony whined, glaring daggers at Barton, "Seriously, man? Not only did you lose MY man, you couldn't do me the solid of cockblocking a fucking god from my BFF?"
"If it makes you feel any better, I was gentle," Baldur purred, making Bruce swat his hand away as he'd attempted to pet him again.
"Look, can we focus on the real issue here?" Bruce said, trying not to blush seventeen shades of red.
"What? That they don't make Hulk size condoms?" Tony quipped, so irritated at this point he had no choice but to slut shame his best friend, which was just GODDAMN IRONIC coming from the King of Kink, Tony Fuckingmother Stark.
"Tony, you can continue to be angry over a sexual relationship you have no hopes of controlling, or you can try and concentrate your inner energy to find your soul mate," Baldur said, raising an eyebrow just like Loki goddammit what were they fucking twins, "or you'll be waiting until he arrives home himself, if he, in fact, is even capable in his current state."
"Thanks so fucking much for the reminder," Tony said, sighing to the sky, "So, what? He could be on fucking Asgard right now? And I could sense that?"
"Well, not particularly. But you should get a general signature of his whereabouts. The bond's effects usually make it so that if you are separated, even for a short length of time, you feel ill. How sick do you feel at this moment?"
"I feel like I'm gonna throw up, but isn't that just nerves? You know? From NOT KNOWING WHERE THE FUCK HE IS?"
"Not necessarily. Concentrate. What exactly is the pain?"
"My guts feel like they're burning," Tony admitted with a grimace, "and heartburn, like times a thousand. I popped like seventeen TUMS before flying over here."
"Mm, very far, then. I would hazard he is not even on this planet."
"Fucking great."
"However, I'm worried about the heartburn sensation. That could be indicative of pain."
"You mean, that HE'S in pain?"
"He may be in too much pain to teleport, or perhaps he is unable to."
"What do you mean?"
"Concentrate, Tony. Close your eyes. Really focus, truly. Think only of Loki, what he means to you. Breathe slowly."
"This is stupid," Tony said, panicky as hell at the possibility that someone could be capable of hurting Loki. Like, he'd seen the Hulk throw Loki around like a rag doll, but he'd never pictured Loki extremely hurt before, so hurt he couldn't perform magic.
"Focus. Breathe. Relax."
Tony tuned everybody out, despite his fear and agitation. His heartbeat thudded in his ears, and the burning in his chest became almost a whooshing sound. It reminded Tony of the ocean, able to hear it, but not see it. It was just over the sand dunes and even if you couldn't see it, you could smell the salt and hear the water.
He continued to sink into the feeling, and instead of feeling warm sun and sand, it was icy, cold. He felt like he was shivering.
Not sand, snow.
But there was an ocean. The water was dark, foreboding. Waves crashed menacingly, as if they were alive, throwing tantrums against the snowy banks. The wind was strong, almost stifling. Stark gulped in a big lungful of air, taking in the scene. He didn't know what this meant, but he didn't feel right about it, even though he didn't feel like he was in danger.
Something just wasn't right, even if he couldn't put his finger on it. Tony was a man of science; he had to touch, dissect to understand how something worked.
Just staring at the water wasn't going to help him.
He walked towards it, looking down at his feet. He was bare foot. Then he felt his chest, his arc reactor was gone, his suit.
"Weird," he mumbled, but chalked it up to this weird mind trip soul link thing and hoped to his green-eyed god that this water wouldn't hurt him or some crazy ass alien monster wasn't about to come out and tentacle rape him.
Or eat him. Or the other way around. Gross.
He touched a toe to the water, and the water seemed to pulse, then grow quiet. The waves stopped. Suddenly the water was smooth as glass, not a ripple in sight.
"Oooookay," Tony nodded to himself, "That's not freaky at all."
And like that, the scenery changed; the ocean seemed to leap, leap forever into the air, and Tony was beginning to think he was going to be crushed by thousands of pounds of water when the water shifted, spiraling, becoming giant trees that blocked out all sunlight.
He was no longer on a snowy waterside, but deep in a giant's forest.
"Your brain on drugs, kids. Just no," Tony shook his head to himself, slapping his own cheeks. Again, analytical. Tony didn't know WHAT the fuck this was, but he was seriously starting to trip out.
He didn't like this, and he didn't know what ANY of this had to do with Loki.
The trees really were impossibly tall.
It was quiet, a few birds chirping, but for the most part, just the stillness of giant ass trees and a slight breeze. He was neither cold nor hot, a weird sensation, even though his breath puffed out in front of him.
Something rustled behind him and he nearly had a heart attack as he spun around, searching through the browns and greens and golds.
Wait. Gold?
Yeah. There it was, glinting all over one of the trees. He approached it, staring up at the precious metal.
Tony was beginning to wonder if he'd tripped into Wonderland. Did that make him the Hatter or Alice?
"I don't wanna wear a dress," Tony pouted, deciding if he had to be in a weird ass fairytale, he'd take the more fashionable Hatter.
"Now where's Chesshire," he sighed to himself, still looking for whatever the fuck had made the rustling noises.
Something growled, low and deep, making goosebumps race up and down Tony's arms.
He didn't have his suit. He didn't even have a fucking stick. The ground was nothing but dirt and leaves. He maneuvered himself so he was at least FACING whatever the hell was growling at him and then laughed.
"This isn't real," Tony reminded himself, his heart rate spiking as motherfucking giant wolves padded out of the trees. They were fucking gigantic, a paw bigger than Tony's torso. He wanted to scream like a little girl.
"But you're not real, so, hi there," Tony finally managed, knowing his voice squeaked a little towards the end as he waved at the animals too big to be real, "Uh, sit? Sit, boy."
The two wolves snarled, clearly not happy with the stupid human. Tony gulped, watching the wolves place themselves between him and the tree full of golden fruit.
"Oh," Tony breathed, the wolves slobbering, teeth bared, "Oh, no worries, Fido. I don't want your pretty fruit. Do wolves even eat fruit?"
They let out snarls, making Tony jump.
"Okay, Jesus Christ, the bling tree is all yours!"
And then Tony felt a sense of calm wash over him. It was the weirdest sensation. All his muscles seemed to relax at once and he took a deep breath and let it out through his mouth.
And then he saw Loki, wandering by the feet of the fucking wolves.
Loki was tall, taller than Tony, but he was still dwarfed by the size of these supernatural wolves, one a chalky mishmash of white and grey and the other a dusky brown.
"Lokes," Tony croaked, seeing blood matted over most of Loki's clothing. Half his shirt was torn, barely hanging on. His hair was lanky and dirt was smudged over the side of his face, dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.
And he was in obvious pain, holding his side and gritting his teeth as he braced a hand into one of the wolf's fur.
"Here," Loki murmured, seeming to be waiting for the wolves to do something. The wolves huffed, pushing into the side of the tree, kind of like a bear, and shaking the fruit down. A few of the golden fruit fell, landing with heavy thuds that sounded like bricks.
The fruit was actually a lot bigger than Tony had originally thought, even though he was still pretty far away from the wolves and the tree.
But Loki was right there, ignoring him, trying to slice at this giant ass golden fruit.
Had he taken shrooms? What the fuck was all of this?
Loki's face was extremely pale as he peeled at the fruit, forcing it into his mouth, chewing and swallowing. He did this for what felt like an eternity before he turned to the side and started to gag, throwing up most of what he had just consumed.
Fuck it. Tony started running, the steroid wolves be damned. HE wasn't about to watch Loki be in any more pain, and if he was this sick, what if he was dying?
"Loki!"
Loki's head turned up sharply, his eyes looking around wildly, the green at least a little vivid, feverish. Tony ran to his side, the wolves growling like trenching machines, making Tony's bones rattle, but fuck the furries right now.
The worst part was Tony didn't know how to help or what to do. Obviously Loki couldn't see him. Was it the bond? Was it being so far away? The scientist in Tony was struggling with the human emotions.
Loki reached his hand out behind him, closing his eyes and sighing, "I need rest. Please cease your whining."
The wolves shut up almost immediately, tossing their giant heads as if offended Loki would order them around in such a rude manner. It made Tony smirk: of course Loki ordered magical creatures around; it was just so him.
Loki bent over again in pain, his hand coming away with fresh blood and Tony started panicking again.
He looked so battle worn, so fragile. It scared the fuck out of Tony. Sure, he'd seen the god hurt, but never like this. Like he'd been tortured and that was just scary as fuck because he hadn't been missing that long. He wasn't even standing anymore, just kneeling in the dirt next to the fruit and his sick.
The wolves looked at Tony and started growling again, and Loki hissed at them, barking something in a language Tony had never heard, and the wolves fell completely silent again.
"We do not have much time."
The wolves chuffed, almost reluctantly, which made Tony even MORE confused. It was…almost human-like.
Were they shape shifters, like Loki? Tony was suddenly irrationally jealous.
"I fucking hate this, Lokes. I can't help you. I don't even know WHERE THE FUCK WE ARE," Tony spat into the air, punching one of the golden fruits. It squished under his hand. Ew, "Just…how the fuck am I supposed to rescue you?"
"I need to heal," Loki sighed with his eyes closed, "You two will not last against them, not alone. Track her. Sigyn is...obsessive. But I know how to manipulate her."
"Sigyn? Who the fuck is Sigyn?" Tony asked, even though at this point he'd figured out Loki couldn't see him or hear him.
One of the wolves gnashed its teeth at Loki, its massive teeth an inch from his head, its breath so strong it was making his hair move.
And instead of being terrified, like a normal person, Loki didn't even look at him, just tsked and smacked the wolf's nose. It backed off, shaking its head.
"She was no mother to you," Loki hissed, grabbing at the wolf's jaw and tugging him down, down into the dirt until it was whining. Tony wasn't sure if it was Loki's supernatural strength or the wolf being truly afraid and just acquiescing, "speak no more, Vali, little son and brother killer. I have every right to end you, and you live only by my grace."
Loki released him, the wolf full out whining now, the other wolf, the brown one, the BIGGER ONE JESUS HOW COULD IT BE SO BIG, standing at attention, its eyes too intelligent suddenly for Tony to stomach.
They were bright green, like Loki's.
Whoever these wolves were, they weren't just wolves, especially if Loki could communicate with them.
Loki dug his fingers into the fruit, eating more slowly this time, "The golden apples have never failed before. I just need time."
"Worst. Bachelor party. Ever," Tony growled, plopping his ass down in the dirt with his arms crossed, "Seriously. Most hangovers just involve greasy tacos and Gatorade, not giant ass wolves and golden apples."
The wolf who had just been punished was growling again. Tony didn't know what to make of Loki's companions, and frankly, the white and grey one was more annoying than scary at this point.
The bigger brown one snarled and clamped its jaws around the snout of the other, making him shut up. Tony was beginning to like this wolf a lot. If he had to guess, this one was the alpha, or maybe even the big brother.
"Thank you, Fen," Loki said, a smirk playing on his face as he watched the wolf continue to hold the other wolf's mouth shut until the smaller wolf started to whine and fell silent, "Your brother has my temper, but not my intelligence."
Fenrir released his brother and pricked his ears, chuffing, his muscles suddenly tense.
Loki reacted as well, cursing and climbing onto Fenrir's back. He said something in that weird language again, the wolf leaning down and taking one of the golden fruit in its giant mouth before disappearing into the trees, the slightly smaller, grey and white wolf on Fenrir's heels.
"Loki!" Tony yelled, trying to run after them, but he'd already lost sight of them. He looked up, the tree branches were rattling back and forth. He kept running, even if he couldn't see them, he ran. He ran for what felt like miles, and a sound kept growing, something menacing, something familiar.
And then he looked up.
Ships skimming over the trees.
The weird sky jet skis. The ugly ass aliens. It was New York all over again.
Tony felt the whooshing sensation, a snap, a drop, and then he bolted upright, breathing heavily as he came back to himself, Thor on his left, Bruce on his right.
"Tony, Tony," Bruce was saying, moving his hands over his face and checking his pupils, "Jesus, Tony. You scared the shit out of me."
"Loki's in trouble," Tony choked, getting up in a clunky mess of Iron Man suit as he tried to adjust his breathing. He was sweating, he felt disgusting and clammy and gross, and worst of all, suddenly terrified, "The Chitauri, I saw them. Loki's hurt, really fucking hurt. And there were giant ass wolves, and he was throwing up golden fruit, and he wasn't healing, Loki was-"
"Tony, Tony, calm down," Bruce insisted, trying to make him sit, but Tony just yanked his gauntlet arm away from the doctor.
"No. We need to save him. He could die. He could already be dead," Tony turned to Thor, "It was a forest, giant ass trees. Golden fruit. Where is that? Where in the Realms?"
Thor looked completely confused, "Asgard. There is a protected orchard of golden fruit."
Baldur sighed, wiping a hand over his face, "No. Not just there. Alfheimer grows the fruit as well."
"So two possible realms. Fantastic," Barton said sarcastically, rolling his eyes, "When are silver strawberries in season?"
"Fuck you, Barton," Tony said, forcing himself not to punch the ass hole, "This wouldn't even be happening if someone had been keeping an eye on him! This was HIS fucking party, how the fuck did you guys lose him in the first place!?"
"Tony, we need to stay calm, I know you're scared, but we're going to find him," Bruce said, trying to placate tony with both hands out. Jesus. And Tony really shouldn't get Bruce riled up and risk another Hulk out session.
"If it is the Chitauri, as you say, and it was the garden in Asgard, we would have already been summoned back," Thor said with a serious expression, "Odin would not risk invasion with me here."
"So Alfheimer," Tony spat, his helmet already dropped back into place, Jarvis systems up and functioning, "Lead the way, Loreal."
"It's not that simple," Baldur said, shaking his head, "One does not simply waltz into Alfheimer."
"One, you totally stole that from Lord of the Rings, and two, yes we fucking can!" Tony said, getting into Baldur's face, "I won't ask again."
Instead of getting angry, Baldur simply smirked, "You truly love him."
"I want to smash your pretty face in."
"Please try, dearest brother-in-law," Baldur purred, not seeming intimidated in the slightest. He looked at Thor and grinned, "I guess it's time to call in the favor the queen owes me."
"What favor?" Barton asked, looking from Thor to Baldur and back again.
Thor sighed, giant arms crossed over his chest, "Centuries ago…Baldur…seduced the Queen of Alfheimer."
"Seduced is such a loose term, Thor," Baldur said cheekily with a wink, "she wanted to keep me in her court; fey folk have a tendency to collect shiny things just like magpies. If we show up and blow up one of their sacred orchards, I'm confident I can talk us out of any political or bodily harm."
"It shouldn't matter if Chitauri are already invading," Barton said, already in super-spy-assassin-mode, "They should be grateful for reinforcements."
"Their main goal is the capture and probably decapitation of Loki. I highly doubt they'll take the time to convert and burn Alfheimer to the ground."
"Reassuring," Tony said quietly, shaking out of his skin, "But let's go."
"We're gonna need coffee," Barton offered, trying to ignore his hangover headache, "And something really greasy. I can't shoot for shit right now."
"Boohoo for you. That's what rockets are for," Tony said, turning to Thor, "Let's go. NOW. So we can fix this."
Thor nodded, the portal opened, and then they were gone.
"This is fucking stupid," Barton hissed, looking over the crevice, "We should've gotten back up from SHIELD."
"Yeah, like we had time for that. Did you wanna hit a Dunkin Donuts drive thru while you were at it, princess?"
"We should've at least grabbed Nat and Cap," Barton said, staring at his newest bow. Obviously he hadn't had his equipment with him at the club, so upon arrival, Baldur had procured beautiful elvish weapons for the ones who needed them. Bruce wasn't Hulked yet, Thor only needed his hammer, Baldur was wielding some sick looking axes that Tony had never seen before but looked homey in his hand, and Clint had a gorgeous bow that would make any Elf of Mirkwood swoon.
He was being pissy though; apparently the tension strength or some shit of immortals was extremely hard to work with, and his arms weren't strong enough to control the bow like how he did on earth. Fucking mortals and their whiny problems.
"It's a hunting party," Baldur murmured, staring down at the field, "Two dozen or so, maybe less. They're here for extraction, not decimation."
"This is to our advantage," Thor agreed, nodding, "We may not even need the Hulk."
"Great," Bruce said, wiping the sweat off his forehead, "That's great. I'll just sit in a tree or something."
Baldur smirked, "We'll kill them, find Loki, and then I can take you to the enchanted springs just outside the Royal Palace."
"Skinny dip fantasies later, Maybeline," Tony barked under his breath, his scanners running across the field. He didn't have Jarvis off-planet, but he still had heat tracking and other nifty things built into his suit. It was true; two dozen, to be more specific, twenty six ugly ass aliens and their stupid ass modes of transportation resting in a field full of, yup, purple grass.
Whatever.
But none of the forms were Loki, even inside the tents, the thermal readings weren't right, so at least the slimy bastards hadn't caught him yet.
"Loki's not down there."
"Attack now, hunt for him later," Barton said, still assessing the layout, "I'm no good with this thing distance, so I gotta get up close and personal. Tony, go in with a bang. Thor right behind. Me and Baldur on the west and east, take them fast, take them hard, before they even know what hit 'em."
"Sounds like my college days," Tony murmured, still managing to be an asshole when he was scared and pissed off, "Let's do this."
The attack was, in every sense of the word, anticlimactic.
The Chitauri were honestly awful fighters, extremely unorganized, and overall a waste of time. How they had been a threat in New York to begin with was almost laughable, then again, those giant ass mechanical whale ships had been a fucking bitch.
But they didn't have them here in this place, only updated and cool looking Sci Fi Original Movie spears and lazer-ish guns that Tony didn't have any problems with. Tony shot almost all of them, leaving about six for Barton and Baldur only because he hadn't been able to get in a shot without hurting one of them.
When it was over and they were all dead, Tony was expecting someone to say something cheesy, or melodramatic, but then he remembered Cap wasn't here to feel guilty about taking lives, even if they were traitorous, murdering, psychopath lives.
But then Baldur spoke up, looking at Tony with what could only be admiration, "You fight viciously when provoked."
"They're hunting my fiancé. No way they get to live," Tony growled, already sliding his helmet back down and searching the trees, "Now, let's find this orchard."
"This is the orchard. Or used to be," Baldur said, looking around the field, "but the Chitauri were here, camped. They're looking for him here, so he must be here."
"These aren't the trees," Tony said, squeezing his eyes shut and remembering the vision, "These trees aren't nearly big enough. Plus I think I'd remember purple fucking grass."
"Was there anything else?" Bruce asked, hands in his pockets, the cleanest of the team. Fucking lucky bastard. Ah well. If the Hulk had been unleashed, they literally would've sat back and watched with popcorn.
"There was snow, and an ocean, but the forest was where Loki was hurt."
"You never mentioned that," Baldur said, rolling his eyes, "There's no snow on Alfheimer; it's summer year round."
Tony was ready to start blasting the field to smithereens out of frustration, "Then I don't know what the fuck to tell you! It changed, okay? None of it made fucking sense to me!"
"At least we eliminated the main threat. So he's out there, at least."
"Comforting, Barton."
"Better than dead," Barton said with a shrug, "So, what? Canvas another realm? But why, when the Chitauri are here?"
"Maybe…" Baldur trailed off, looking out over the field again, "Maybe these were reinforcements."
"What?"
"The orchard isn't here anymore, but that doesn't mean it wasn't here."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Tony spat, ready to rip Baldur's head off.
"You forget Loki plays many tricks," Baldur said, squinting his eyes and spinning in a circle, "Fly above and see if you see a ring."
"What? Like a crop circle? Is Mel Gibson's farm in Alfheimer too?"
"Just do it. Tell me what you see."
So Tony did, out of desperation, flying up high enough to see over the entire field, running diagnostics.
And didn't know what to make of it.
What the hell.
He shot back down, lifting his helmet, "The outermost edges of the field are burned, like completely stripped. A perfect circle."
"Like I said, the orchard was here. Loki teleported, or rather, switched his realm for theirs. So say they're fighting in the forest, Loki gets desperate, or has help. With enough energy, he could perform transmutations. This field isn't the real field, just as the forest wasn't a real forest."
"So lost I'm not even going to try to keep up," Barton said, folding his arms over his chest.
"So, weak as hell, you're telling me Loki just dropped them here in Alfheimer," Tony said, looking at Baldur with a raised brow, "He was half dead. I know he's a god, but he was seriously hurt. Unless wolves can perform alchemy now, how the hell did he pull it off?"
Baldur sighed, "They weren't just wolves, obviously."
"So, what? People? People like Loki?"
Baldur looked to Thor, and Thor looked back. They were doing that silent conversation with the eyes thing, and Tony was about to start shooting his entire arsenal at them if they didn't fess up.
"What the fuck aren't you telling me?"
Thor finally sighed and looked at Tony, "It is not our place to say."
"Actually, it is. I'm already bonded to Loki; we're literally related now, political or otherwise in your world. Spill."
"What did the wolves look like?" Baldur said gently, and Tony did not like where this was going.
"Both were huge, gigantic. One was a coppery brown? The other was smaller, but still big, too big for it to be real. White and greyish."
They looked at each other again, and Tony was going to start screaming.
"One is a wolf, a man no more," Baldur offered, obviously choosing his words carefully, "The other a shapeshifter, a powerful sorcerer in his own right, because of his blood. Together, Loki and he might have had enough energy to scatter their enemies, transmute them, if you will, to different dimensions. To escape."
"So this, this isn't real. They're not in Alfheimer."
"I don't believe so, no. We must go where the ice and snow is, where he would hide. But this level…this would severely weaken them. I doubt they could move much now, and definitely not use magic. We'll find them wherever they ended up, at least until they replenish their energy."
"Great. Just great," Tony said, rubbing at his temples, "Fanfuckingtastic. So, what? The Land of Ice and Snow now? Giant, creepy ocean that moves like an octopus? The land of fucking Sigyn?"
Thor's eyes grew wide at the mention of the name, "Sigyn?"
"He said something about a Sigyn, about needing her. Whoever the fuck Sigyn is."
Baldur and Thor looked annoyed now, not frightened.
"By all the Realms, Anthony, he's in Asgard," Baldur said, pulling at his hair in frustration, "Why did you not mention this name to us?"
"But you said earlier there was no way –"
"Sigyn lives in Asgard, not the royal city, but still in the realm. A goddess. An ex-lover."
"And Loki's wife," Thor finished, and Tony felt his world collapse.