A/n: Shout out to Drpepperluvgurl34 for her lengthy and thoughtful reviews on every chapter, they made my day.
Enjoy picturing Demi and Selena rocking out to Roman's Revenge... lmao, I know I did.
Vamoosing Hearts
Chapter 10
Shower…check.
Shave…check.
Hair blown straight and teeth brushed…double check.
I looked around the room anxiously, wondering if everything was up to Nick's standards. He had obviously slept here before, but never after…sex.
My stomach tightened at the mere thought of the word. Butterflies and anxiety were clogging up my airway and I had to sit down on my bed before I passed out. I had no idea what I was supposed to wear for such an occasion and I briefly wondered if any other girls my age put this much thought into something like this. I stared down at the pajama shorts and tank that I had on and shook my head… I had on cute underwear and a frilly bra, but I figured it wouldn't be good to look too eager when he crawled through my bedroom window to fulfill 8 years' worth of fantasies.
As a last ditch effort to focus on something else, I turned on some music and lit a few candles to calm myself. They're for aromatherapy or something and I got a little panicked wondering if they would accentuate the smell of sex in my tiny room. I would've hated for my dad to sniff out the extracurricular activities when he got home from work.
My eyes scanned the rain beyond the window and I smiled a little… that would be a nice backdrop when we started. Raindrops and moonlit nights. Candles and freesia. I closed my eyes to burn the thoughts into my memory. My hands clutched at my comforter and I sighed, taking in a calming breath before I opened my eyes.
I could imagine that I saw him climbing towards the window, wet with rain and eyes filled with desire. I'd open the window and he'd fall into my arms, kissing me and drenching my face with rainwater in the process. But I wouldn't care… it would give us both an excuse to take our clothes off. And then he'd need to warm up so I'd suggest the bed and we'd crawl under the covers. I'd hold him and try to warm him, but it wouldn't be enough. He'd need more by that point, and so would I, so I'd kiss him. And my fingers would wander until they found their target: hot and thick in my palm.
He'd moan my name and it would be my final undoing. And as I crawl onto his lap, I'd look him in the eyes and tell him that I love him and that I've waited for so many years to see him again and to feel him kiss me. That I've imagined his touch and his body. That I've dreamt of having him inside of me…
I'd admit to him that I am Destiny Hope and that I love him for who he's always been.
And there's no way he'd be angry. He'd want me so badly and be so happy to know that I'm the little girl who left all of those years ago. He'd understand that I accept him for who he is, and that I love him – flaws and all. He had to love me. He had to. I saw it in his eyes that afternoon. I felt it in the way he held me after we fooled around. It was in the way he kissed my hair and gripped me so hard I could hardly breathe.
It was obvious to me then that I was the girl he couldn't remember. I was the faceless girl he dreamt of and drew over and over again. I was his… I was just his.
My eyes closed then opened again slowly and I couldn't stop the haze of happiness that was surrounding me. He should've been crawling through that window at any moment. And when he did, my entire life would change.
A few minutes passed and my phone buzzed with a new text. Flipping it open, I stared at the screen in disbelief.
I CAN'T MAKE IT 2NITE.
He was not coming.
I was blinking repeatedly, like if I did it enough the words would change. He'd be joking and show up and then I'd smack him in the arm which would make him laugh…because, God…I love it when he laughs.
But the words didn't change and slowly, all feeling began to leave my body. There was a strange ringing in my ears like a flat line noise echoing through my room. I couldn't breathe and I didn't realize that I was not breathing until my heart began to beat too loudly in my ears. My hands were shaking and I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, trying to gain some sort of composure as I hit the reply button.
K. C U 2MORROW.
After my text was sent, I set about blowing out the candles and I turned down the music so that I could get a bit of peace in the moment of screaming chaos in my mind. But just as suddenly as the numbness hit me, I began to cry. I felt so cheap and stupid. And used…like all I needed was to do what I did in the athletic closet and then I was just as much of a whore as Nicole or Samantha.
I stalked to the window and locked it, making sure that he couldn't crawl in later just to sleep. For some reason I saw him doing that type of thing in my brain and it pissed me off even more. So I lied on the bed and curled up into a ball as the sobs broke free and I pressed my face into the comforter, crying so loudly I wondered if my neighbors could hear me.
The pain of his rejection was so immense that I couldn't focus on anything but the hysteria that I was drowning in. I clutched at the blanket and shoved it between my teeth to quiet the screams and cries that I had no control over. I wanted to die. I wanted a hole to open up in the ground and suck me in so that I never had to see the light of day again. I wanted to disappear…to start over in another state. To forget that Nick Jonas ever existed and that I'd never had been stupid enough to believe that he could care for me or love me or even think that I was worth anything more than a blow job at school.
He was becoming another No Name… but at least Nick had the consideration to reject me before I gave myself to him.
But he saved your life…
"So what?" I sobbed, my breath coming out in chokes and then gags.
He saved me? He should have just let me die… let me lay there on his lawn unconscious.
I sat straight up and wiped my face with my hands, tears and snot mingling on my palms while I gagged. I had to get to the bathroom… and then I was there and throwing up, heaving every last bit of the day's food into the toilet. I couldn't breathe through my nose, I couldn't breathe through my mouth, I couldn't see through my tears.
I was going to give him everything.
I was going to tell him everything.
My life…was…over.
Laying my head on my arm, I flushed the toilet and trembled against the bowl. Sliding slowly, I lied on the cool tile of the bathroom floor and waited for the wracking coughs to ebb a little. And soon enough, I stopped sobbing, only silent tears leaked from the sides of my eyes. They slid across my temples and I focused on the warm feel of them as they left my ducts and how fast they cooled before they drip into my ears.
I was so stupid.
So stupid.
He wanted out of this. He was using me for his physical need while I used him to… get to him.
A laugh escaped my lips and I closed my eyes sadly. I was not the kind of girl that Nick Jonas would date in real life. I thought I didn't exist in his world without shoving my way in and blackmailing him. I tried so hard to stay true to myself…but I was gone. I was so far gone I couldn't even recognize my own reflection in the mirror.
And yet, it still wasn't not enough.
Still.
Wasn't.
Enough.
Scrambling to my feet, I stalked into my room and grabbed my phone. There were no new messages and I couldn't stop the queasiness that had set up house in my gut. He was so callous and uncaring. Just like that: I'm done with you. I don't want you.
He doesn't want you, Miley.
"I know," I whispered to myself. Taking a shaky breath, I scrolled through my Contacts list and press send.
"Hi!"
God…she's so damn chipper all the time.
"Demi?" I responded with a tremor in my voice.
"Miley? What's wrong? Are you okay?"
I shook my head and felt more tears run down my cheeks as my face crumbled again. "No. Are you busy?"
I'd like to say that I was surprised when she showed up less than thirty minutes later, but I wasn't. And I'm also not surprised to see that Selena was with her. Or that they had ice cream. And vodka.
"You can't bring the vodka in," I laughed through my stuffy nose. "My dad's a cop, remember?"
Selena winced. "Right. Why do I keep forgetting that?" She returned the liquor to the car and the three of us settled into my room. It was honestly the first time I had ever felt embarrassed by my house or my room. These girls have sheets that cost more than my entire décor.
Demi perused my library and smiled a bit. "You love books, huh?"
I nodded and dipped a spoon into the melting goo that was in the ice cream carton.
Selena was looking at me silently, attentive to my movements. I turned and held the carton out for her. "Want some?" I asked through a full mouth of chocolate heaven.
She smirked a little. "No thanks. I've hit my calorie limit for the day."
Demi sat lightly next to me and snatched the carton from my hand. "Screw that." She had a spoon shoved in her mouth faster than I could blink. Her knee was bouncing up and down and she was humming happily while she devoured the ice cream.
"So, what happened?" Selena asked like she really cared.
I let out a short laugh and looked down at my hands. "We got into a fight, I guess. He's mad about Jake calling me, I know that much. He was fine at school but then he stood me up… with a text." I looked up and can see them exchange some sort of look.
"Do you like Jake?" Demi asked as she licked the spoon clean.
I relaxed a little back against the side of my bed. "He's nice enough. Just a friend really."
"They always start out as 'friends'," Selena snorted, making air quotes with her fingers. "I can't believe you haven't slept with him already."
I grimaced at the thought, realizing again that everyone thinks I'd already slept with Nick.
"I just don't feel like I'm good enough for Nick." It was the most honest thing I said to those girls.
"Well, you're the complete opposite of the others, that's for sure." Demi was fidgeting and skimming the rim of the carton with her finger to gather the excess chocolate that has settled there.
"Really?" I asked. I'm truly intrigued by this statement.
Selena nodded and yanked the carton from Demi's hands, shaking her head at Demi sucking her digits clean. "Yeah. The others are always really short and blonde… gymnasts… cheerleaders… love to shop and party. Loud as hell and kind of owns any room they walk into." Her head tilted and she squinted a bit at me.
"Nicole isn't blonde," I stated.
"Nicole got highlights for him… and her body is sick…"
Tears formed again and I blinked hard to keep them at bay. "That sounds like the exact opposite of me," I sighed. "Maybe if I was more like Nicole…"
Demi groaned. "Nicole's a bitch."
"She's a hot bitch," Selena snickered.
"Maybe he likes bitches?" I asked, wondering if that could really be true.
"All guys like bitches. It keeps them on their toes. You can't be all sappy and lovey dovey all the time, at their beck and call. No man in this day and age wants a woman to meet him at the door in an apron and a hot dinner ready on the table. He wants a woman in a leather corset with a whip to keep his ass in line," Selena explained.
"Shit. You and David are really kinky." Demi shook her head and drummed her fingers on her knees.
"He loves it. Stilettos and ticklers…"
"Oh, no," I whined, plugging my ears. "Please stop!"
Selena rolled her eyes. "It's not like I wrap a rubber band around his balls…"
"Shut up!" Demi giggled, slapping Selena with a pillow from my bed.
"Oh, please. Joe likes it when you ride his face. Don't act like you're all vanilla and shit."
Demi laughed wildly and settles onto the pillow she placed on the floor. Her eyes scanned over me and she lifted a brow. "What does Nick like?"
Oh, dammit. What was I supposed to say? Blow jobs in the school's athletic closet…
"He's into hair pulling…"
They both let out a girly moan. "Love that," they said in unison, dissolving into giggles.
I allowed myself to smile a little. They really are nice… nicer than I gave them credit for. Initially I had thought that being friends with girls would be hard. But, I was being proven wrong.
They stayed for a while longer, talking me through my sadness and right before midnight I realized that I wasn't crying anymore. Actually, I was having a ridiculous time laughing and watching the two of them dance around my room as music pumped through my speakers.
Demi leaned into Selena's face, singing at the top of her lungs, "I am not Jasmine, I am Aladdin, so far ahead, these bums is laggin'. See me in that new thing, bums is gaggin'…"
"I'm startin' to feel like a dungeon dragon, raah, raah, like a dungeon dragon! I'm startin' to feel like a dungeon dragon…" Selena was rapping into an invisible mic.
They shook their asses and sung together, "Look at my show footage, how these girls be spazzin', so fuck, I look like gettin' back to a has-been? Yeah, I said it, has-been…Hang it up, flat screen, plasma… hey, Nicki, hey Nicki, asthma!"
"You two are stupid," I laughed.
"Come dance," Demi called while she bounced from foot to foot.
"I don't dance. I fall. A lot. And you can't dance to this… which is why you two are stupid."
She rolled her eyes and planted herself in front of me while circling her hips in my face. She's over animated and red faced from dancing. "Forced trauma, blunt, you play the back, bitch, I'm in the front, you need a job, this ain't cuttin' it, Nicki Minaj is who you ain't fuckin' with!"
I push her away and stood to my feet, towering over her now that she was shoeless. "You really are a crack head," I chuckled.
Selena laughed loudly and fell to the ground. She was breathing heavily and pressed a hand to her head. "Ooh, lightheaded," she chuckled. She rolled on her side and looked up at the two of us, amused. "Demi's not a crack head, she's a speed freak."
Demi kicked Selena's arm and squealed when Selena grabbed her foot and pulled her to the floor. "I'm not a speed freak. I just have a lot to accomplish in a short amount of time, Anna Nicole."
"What are you talking about?" I asked, turning down the music.
They give each other that 'look' again
"Come on. You can trust me," I pleaded.
Selena shrugged and sat up, crossing her legs and picking at my carpet. "I have a slow metabolism so I take…supplements."
"My aunt sells supplements. They're no big deal," I said nonchalantly.
"These aren't the stuff your aunt sells. I actually have to order them online because they're not really…legal." Selena stared at me like she was waiting for me to yell at her. "You know how that ephedra or ephedrine shit was banned a few years ago? Well, you can still get it. For a price. And it's the only thing that works if you don't want to die like the actresses in Hollywood. They take horse tranquilizers and stuff. "
Demi was bouncing quietly at Selena's side.
"But they work?" I asked, chewing on my cuticles and waiting for her reply.
"You tell me…" She said it like it's a challenge.
"You're gorgeous," I told her honestly.
She smiled. "Then, they work."
My eyes slid to Demi and she's yawning.
"And you?" I asked her quietly.
Demi waved her hand like it was no big deal. "I'm a damn performer. I get good grades. Extracurricular activities… I need all of these things to get into college. If I need a little more than coffee, what's the big deal?"
My dad came home a few minutes later and came up to my room. When he was met with Demi and Selena he stared at me with pursed lips. "It's a little late for company isn't it?"
Demi jumped to her feet quickly. "Would it be okay for Miley to stay the night with me? I'm just a few blocks away. I can give you my phone number if it makes you feel better."
My dad chuckled and shook his head, "I don't need your phone number. I know where you live, Demi."
Her eyes grew wide and she looked from me to my father in disbelief.
She didn't realize that he had been called to her parties quite often…
He agreed and that's how I ended up with Demi and Selena overnight. Demi called Joe to tell him the latest news. He called her a few hours later to describe the scene at Nick's house. Just Joe, Nick and David… being boys. Joe said Nick didn't seem to be phased.
I wonder what he was feeling.
I wonder if he felt anything at all.
But mostly, I felt guilty for the happiness I experienced knowing that he was at home instead of out at three in the morning. He has a tendency to speed and I worry about him in the rain.
Not that I should. But I do.
The mood was substantially more somber while we sat in Demi's room. I was exhausted but my brain was running a million miles an hour and I couldn't do anything but stare at the walls with my eyes open.
My stomach grumbled and I groaned, pressing my hand to my gut.
"It's too early to eat breakfast," I lamented.
"Here," Selena pulled a bottle out of her bag. "Take two of these. They'll curb your appetite until it's time to eat."
And that's how it began, I guess.
Take two. It'll be fine.
Within an hour, I was on fire from the inside. My heart was racing and I was thirsty. But I was not hungry, so that was cool. And for some reason I had to resist the urge to do jumping jacks because I was also a little nauseous.
And I had a tiny headache, but that wasn't a big deal.
Maybe I want to clean Demi's bathroom.
Or rearrange her closet.
It was starting to bother me that her bobby pins were all over her dresser instead of all in one container.
And I also got sidetracked by the fact that she had a huge ball of jewelry that seemed to be caught and wrapped around itself. So I spent the next three hours pulling her necklaces apart and untangling them to spread them out for her to be able to use.
None of us slept and I kept asking more and more questions about Nick's previous flings. What did they like to do? What were they like? What did they eat? Wear? What did Nick see in them?
I sent the text at six thirty on Monday morning: IM RIDING W/DEMI
And by the time Nick pulled up in front of the school, I was a nervous wreck because I didn't want him to know that I'd been upset. And I didn't want him to know how badly he'd hurt me. I just wanted him to want me but because he didn't, I couldn't make him, so I would just become the girl that he might want me to be in order to make him fall in love with me at a later time when neither of us were obligated to have to like each other…
Holy shit. I couldn't focus. My thoughts weren't making any sense.
I was doing him a favor by planning the break up. But he looked pissed and he was upset about something. That was laughable.
I smiled shyly at him and waved a little, playing the part of the dejected girlfriend to a T.
"Hey," he called to me and stepped up next to Demi's car.
"Hi." I took a deep breath and stiffened a bit when he settled next to me.
"What's wrong with you?" He whispered into my ear.
I looked at him quizzically and let out a nervous laugh. "N-n-nothing. Why?"
He tugged on my hand and pulled me away from the crowd so that we could speak alone. "Why did you tell people we were in a fight?"
I blushed and bit and bounced slightly. "Well, I figured since you keep talking about the end of the deal, it would be easier to have a bit of build up? Like…we're having problems and then we can break up and it will be more believable. Then you'll be free. Of me." My eyes scanned his face, but avoided eye contact, and I smiled a little again.
"Be rid of you?" He hissed.
"Yeah. Free. Off to do what you do without me as dead weight."
I fidgeted again and he stared at my movements. "Are you on something?" He was watching me closely.
"Huh? No. No, no, no. Nooo." I was shaking my head and laughing a little. My head snapped up and my eyes grew wide. "But did you know that Demi takes speed? That's why she's so..." I made a movement with my hand. "She's all blah, blah, blah all the time."
He grabbed my chin and looked into my eyes. "You're on something, Miley."
I jerked my head away and shook it vehemently. "Selena gave me a couple of her diet pills. Said it's how she stays so damn skinny…" My backpack slipped a little and I fixed it. "Boys our age seem to like skinny bitches…" my voice trailed off a little and I looked away.
"You don't eat enough to do that shit," he spat out angrily.
"You're not supposed to eat a lot. It's the perfect combo." I smiled again… the happiness not reaching my eyes.
His hand lifted and rested along my neck. "Miley, don't change for these people."
My voice was soft as I stared into his eyes. "I'm not changing for them."
His gaze was burning a hole through me and I slightly glared at him.
"Come over for dinner tonight," he said evenly. "My mom is actually going to be home. And my dad, too. We'll watch a movie."
I stepped away a bit and shook my head a little. "I have plans with Demi and Selena."
"Cancel them."
My face was smooth but I felt sad... "This was the plan, remember? I'm supposed to hang out with them… it lets you off the hook." My lip trembled a bit and he reached out to run a thumb across it tentatively. I closed my eyes quickly and then reopened them, pulling my lips back into a smile.
"You're mad about Friday Night," He whispered.
"No."
I'm lying.
He stepped closer and dropped his face so that his nose is touching mine. "I really, really wanted to be there." I was shaking a bit and he pulled me close to stop my tremors.
The bell rang and I heard Demi calling to us. I pulled my body away from his and tilted my head to look up at him. "I have to go."
"Why aren't I walking you to class?" He asked, confused.
I simply smiled, sadness apparent in my features. One word sealed our fate and his face dropped as it fell from my lips. "Appearances."
Q: Ever been let down or stood up?
A/n: Dammit, I really wanna do the next chapter in Nick's point of view but that's friggen impossible… expect a oneshot in his POV after I post the one in Mileys… I'm dead serious because I wrote it first in Nick's point of view and I will feel like I'm letting you guys down by not sharing it with you…