Notes & Disclaimers: Anything you recognize as familiar belongs to Janet Evanovich. I am just borrowing her characters for fun and am not making anything from the story. Also, I don't have a Beta, so any mistakes you see are mine.

WARNING! This story is rated M. It has violence and angst in it. Please use your own discretion at reading because this story is not Morelli friendly. Major angst! Remember that this is fiction, so I have taken some creative liberties. This is not a Cupcake story so don't read if that bothers you.

Previously:

I kissed her temple again and left the bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar so that I could hear her if she had another bad dream. I went into the office and turned the computer on, and tried to will myself to work. I couldn't get Stephanie and Morelli's words out of my mind. I now knew in vivid detail what had happened to Stephanie at the mercy of Morelli's hands. And Joe admitted that she had screamed for me. And I wasn't there. I swore to myself that I wasn't going to let her down ever again and that would be the last time I failed her. I'd be there for her from now on, no matter what. I have wasted enough time. Forever was going to start right now.

/ \ / \ / \ / \ /\ / \ /\ /\

I let Stephanie sleep for about an hour and a half, and then it was time for us to get ready for her therapy appointment. I gently woke her up, and she went about getting dressed to visit the counselor. Tank called up earlier with a report on the therapist, and it seems like everything checked out. And I purposefully chose a female therapist from the list. After everything Stephanie has been through, I didn't want her feeling uncomfortable any more than she had to.

Tank, Lester and Bobby were going to accompany us to the appointment. Since Joe had been taken to the police station, I didn't want to risk any reporters being able to get to Stephanie as we entered or exited the building. Since Joe gave Steph his word that he would plead guilty, there probably wouldn't be a trial, only a sentencing hearing. That could possibly be expedited quickly but I feared that the rumor mills would somehow catch wind of what happened. I planned on keeping prying eyes away from Stephanie as much as possible, but here in the Burg there was only so much one could do.

I led Stephanie to the elevator, and pulled her to me as we waited on the elevator car. She turned to me and pulled me close. "Ranger, I still don't understand why we have to have an entourage. It's just a doctor appointment. Joe is in jail. There is no danger to me now."

"Babe, our attorney pressed charges this morning like you asked. But news travels fast here, as you are all too well aware. I am doing my best to keep things quiet, but I don't want to take the chance that someone saw Joe being escorted into the jail, or the chance that someone that works in the police department took it upon themselves to call a reporter. This way, no one can get to you or to us. And I can concentrate on being with you and being there for you. Let us help you Steph. You don't have to do this all alone. Besides, they wanted to come. There's not much they can do. But they wanted to be with you today. To show you support."

Steph sat and thought about that for a minute. I was well prepared to continue to try to convince her, but she surprised me by simply saying, "Ok".

"OK?"

"Yeah. Ok. I get it."

"You get what Babe?"

"I get it that you are all trying to keep me safe. And that means not just physically, but safe from prying eyes and hurtful words. I get that. But I also get that Tank, Lester, and Bobby are all kinda like my brothers. And they saw me, their sister I guess you could say, hurt. And they feel like they don't have any control. And this is one way for them to have some control in the situation. I get it now. And I appreciate it."

I took her hand in mine and kissed her fingertips. "Babe, you never disappoint. Maybe we are all the ones that need to be in therapy, and maybe you could be our counselor. You seem to have a better handle on things than we do."

"I just call 'em like I see 'em Batman!"

We met up with Tank, Lester and Bobby in the garage, and we all got in one of the Rangeman SUV's. I normally like to be in control, and drive regardless of where we're going, but today I was content to sit in the back and hold Steph. I knew she was nervous about going to the appointment and I took the time during our ride to hold her and try to settle her nerves.

We arrived at the office, probably much too quickly for Stephanie's liking. Luckily, there didn't seem to be any media reps or reporters there, so we exited the SUV and entered the office. I signed Stephanie in, and she was called back to the therapist's office immediately. I kissed her temple and gave her a gentle hug. "You can do this Babe."

"Carlos, I'm nervous. Do you think maybe you could come with me? Just this once? I know you've already done so much, but I'd feel better if you were with me."

"Babe, I'm willing to do whatever you need me to do."

"Do you think the therapist will mind?"

"Babe, if they have a problem with it, we'll find another therapist. This is your appointment and you need to be comfortable. I will come with you anytime you want me here. Or if you decide that there are times when you want to go back alone, then that is fine too."

I took her hand, and together we walked towards the receptionist, who had been standing in the door way with a file. Stephanie spoke up shyly. "I'd like Carlos to accompany me for today if that's ok."

"Certainly Miss Plum. Whatever you'd like."

I was glad to see that the office personnel were willing to try to make Stephanie comfortable. We continued down the hall, as Stephanie murmured something about being led to the guillotine.

/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \

Lester's POV

Bobby, Tank, and I found a corner in the office and settled in for the wait. We accompanied Steph and Ranger just in case word had already spread through the Burg about Morelli going to jail. I'm sure he was still being processed, but around here, you just never know. As we sat there and thumbed through old magazines, I couldn't help but replay the day's events through my mind. It was un-freaking-believable. I always knew that Steph was a strong woman, but I would have never believed she would confront Morelli like she did today. Even more unbelievable was that she was letting him off way too easy. The sorry SOB deserved to rot in jail. I don't see how Ranger is holding it together. I guess he's doing the best he can for Stephanie. I was finding it hard to even sit still. I was thankful for the hits I had gotten in on Morelli during his time in the holding cell, but had I known then what I know now…well, let's just say he wouldn't be in jail right now. He'd be in the morgue. I took a sideways glance towards Brown and he seemed to be simmering just like I was.

"Can you believe what the sorry shit did to her?"

"Lester, Tank and I were there the evening it happened, so I saw firsthand. I knew it was bad, but hearing it today was different. When I was treating her that night, I tried to see her as a patient. But now, after hearing her relive the whole ordeal, it's all I can think about. It's all I see when I close my eyes. She's like my little sister, man. How could someone do that to someone they supposedly love?"

"It just ain't right. I'm worried about Ranger. He's really holding it all together. But I know it had to be hard on him to hear that."

"I plan on talking to him about it. I think he partially blames himself for not being there. But how could any of us have known what Morelli would do?"

"Alcohol makes people do crazy shit!"

"Yeah, but Morelli wasn't just drunk Lester. He was brutal. You weren't there in the hospital when we did surgery. I saw firsthand what he did to her. If Ranger had saw…what he did…and how she was…well, if he had been in the operating room Morelli would be a dead man. We came really close to losing her. She hemorrhaged pretty badly in the OR. I wasn't sure we were going to get it stopped in time. She's really lucky that she can still have kids if she chooses. That's how bad it was. God! I just can't imagine her having to go through all that and then she had the balls to confront him. She's the strongest person I know!"

Tank spoke up then. "Bombshell is strong. But it's her love for Ranger that will get her through this. I was there that day in her apartment, Lester. Bobby's right. It was bad. And she was so scared. She couldn't even stop from flinching when Bobby was trying to treat her. I gotta respect her wishes for what she wants to happen to Joe, but if wishes were horses….well, in my opinion he should be dead."

I sat there and processed what Tank and Bobby were saying. I knew it was bad, but I'd never seen Bobby this rattled over a surgery. I knew he had helped out in the OR when Steph went to the hospital, but for it to still affect him over a week later, it must have been bad. And Tank rarely spoke his feelings. I could look in the big man's eyes and see how haunted they were remembering back to that fateful night.

"Bobby, do you think she'll be ok? She seems so strong right now. And I guess I'm just waiting on the other shoe to fall, ya know? I keep expecting her to break down or fall apart. I don't know how she managing. Do you think they'll both be ok?"

"The therapy will help. And Steph did have a little break down in Ranger's apartment the first night. I think they're doing the best they can right now. That's all we can ask of them. We just have to be there for them if they need to talk. Other than that, it's going to be something that only time will help and heal. For both of them. Stephanie has to work through the brutal attack, and feeling safe again. And being able to trust people again. Especially those people that are close to her. While in her mind she knows that we love her and would never harm her, I'm sure her subconscious is telling her that Morelli loved her too, and look what he did. It may be a while before she's back to her old self. Plus, Ranger has some guilt going on I'm sure. He has always tried to protect her. He just never thought he'd need to protect her from Morelli."

/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \

Stephanie's POV:

Carlos accompanied me into the therapists' office. It was a roomy setting with pale blue walls and neutral furnishings. The room was designed to relax its' occupants, I'm sure, but right now I was feeling pretty nervous.

The therapist, Rebecca Bryant, introduced herself to me and I introduced Carlos. After some small talk, she asked what brought me to see her today. I was able to recount the attack to her, giving her most of the details that I was comfortable sharing, while holding a tight grip on Carlos' hand. He never spoke while I described the ordeal, but simply sat there gently stroking the back of my hand. He was my rock and my support. I'm not sure I could do this without him.

I explained that I was having nightmares about the ordeal, even though Joe was in custody and was going to be in jail. The therapist began to explain that my subconscious mind doesn't always think logically, and that the nightmares will decrease over time. She gave me some helpful suggestions to try to cope with them in the mean time, along with some things that Carlos could do to help as well. Carlos sat there soaking in all of the information. I could tell he wanted to ask questions, but was hesitant in not wanting to overstep any boundaries. Finally, I asked a few questions, thinking that it might give Carlos the green light to talk to Rebecca. I knew that if we had any hope of making it, he was going to have to be involved in this with me. He knew too much, and saw too much. He needed this as much as I did.

"Ms. Bryant…"

"Please call me Rebecca."

"Ok. Rebecca. How long do you think it will take for the dreams to go away. I feel like in the past week I have dealt with the attack in the best way I knew how. Why am I still having these dreams?"

"Well, Stephanie, your subconscious doesn't have a timeline. It is different for each person. While your body may be healing, and you may feel like justice has or is being served to Joe in the court system, your mind may feel very differently. You were attacked in your home where you should have been safe. By someone that you thought cared about you and would never harm you. That's enough to shake someone down to the core. We will work on acknowledging those fears, and we'll work on getting past them. And making you feel safe. It'll take time and it won't happen overnight. "

"I just want to forget about it all."

"Stephanie, while I know that sounds like a good idea, right now forgetting or burying those emotions isn't healthy. It's good that you are here and you are acknowledging that you need to deal with the emotions and get past them. There is a difference in working through those emotions, and denying them. It's unhealthy to live in denial land."

I laughed slightly. "Rebecca, you seem to realize I like to spend quite a bit of time in denial land. Usually it's my one way destination."

Rebecca smiled. "We'll work on that. And in time, I really believe the nightmares will go away. It's important for you to feel safe. But from talking to you, it sounds to me like you also need choices in your life. Let me guess that you aren't one that likes to be told what to do?"

Ranger chuckled, and I looked at him through slanted eyes.

"How'd you guess?"

"Let's just say I can read people pretty easily. Tell me what makes you feel safe right now? What scares you?"

"Right now? As in here?"

"Here. At home. During the past week as you were dealing with the events that happened. What made you feel safe? What still frightens you? For some people it's an actual thing. For others, it's a thought or a memory. Safety can be a happy place in their mind. Tell me what makes you feel safe and secure. And what scares you or makes you feel unsafe."

"I was scared of Joe. While I dated him. Ranger didn't know."

"But he knows now?"

"Yes."

"Did Joe hurt you before?"

"Yes. A few times. And when I was little he molested me in his dad's garage. Only two other people knew that until the other night. I told Carlos. He's hit me a few times before. And he took my virginity when I was 16 on the floor of the Tasty Pastry and left me there."

"It sounds like Joe has always been a scary part of your life. Why did you keep letting him come back around you?"

"Because my mom always told me he was my last chance. I wanted to please her."

"Do you feel he was your last chance?"

"No."

"Good. We'll talk more about that later. Are you still scared of Joe?"

"No. Not anymore. I confronted him today. And he's in jail now."

"I see. How did confronting him make you feel?"

"Sad. Because I saw a glimpse of the Joe that I thought was my friend. But I showed him the pictures of me from the attack. And I reminded myself of what he is when he's drinking. And then I felt powerful because I chose to confront him and not let him hurt me anymore."

"Good Stephanie. It sounds like you wanted a hand in the decision making process. What else scares you?"

"Something happening to Ranger. To Carlos."

"You speak of him as if he's two different people. Is he, to you? Two separate people?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. I met Ranger years ago. That's his work personality. It's the side that catches bad guys and fights for the moral good. It's the side that has seen the horrors of war and life and keeps doing what he does anyway because it's the right thing to do. It's the side that has made personal sacrifices for our city and our nation. And the side that rescues me at the end of the day when I need rescuing. But the side that I see when we're alone…well, to me, that's Carlos. He's open and honest and passionate. But they are both very much him. And I love them both. Both sides of him. All of him."

"Carlos, did you know how much she loves you?"

"She's told me. But I've never heard it put that way."

"Do you feel you deserve her love?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because she's a better person than me. I've done a lot in life that I'm not proud of."

"Sounds to me like she thinks you're a pretty damn fine person, right Stephanie?"

"Yes. The best. Carlos, I love you. With all that I am. I respect what you have done for our country. And what you do now with Rangeman. I'm honored to love you. That you let me love you."

"Stephanie is there anything else that you are scared of?"

"The nightmares. I'm scared of sleeping because the nightmares come."

"Does anything seem to help?"

"When Carlos holds me I don't seem to dream as much. About the bad stuff."

"Ok. Good. Talk to me a little about what makes you feel safe and secure."

"Well, our apartment makes me feel safe."

"Where you were attacked?"

"No. God no. I don't want to ever go back there again. Carlos' apartment where we live."

Ranger spoke up. "Our apartment. Not mine. Ours. Our home."

Rebecca was writing on her legal pad. "Ok. Good. What else?"

"Carlos. He makes me feel safe."

"How so?"

"When he's around, or when he's nearby, I feel like nothing can hurt me. He always makes things better. He always has. He's been the one constant in my life for several years. Even before we were together as a couple, I knew I could depend on him."

"Sounds like you built your relationship on friendship first. That's very important. Even more so now. What else makes you feel safe, Stephanie?"

"My friends. At Rangeman. Lester, and Tank, and Bobby. Even Hector, Cal, Hal, Binkie. All of them."

"These friends have been there for you in the past?"

"Yes. More times than I can count."

"Anything else make you feel safe?"

"Ghostbusters. And Rex. And Carlos' bed. Our bed. And the blue blanket that is on his sofa. Our sofa. That he covers me up with when he thinks I've fallen asleep watching TV, but I'm just resting my eyes and waiting on him to come home and kiss me. "

I heard Ranger chuckle slightly as he continued to stroke my hand.

"So you like Ghostbusters? And who is Rex?"

"When I watch the Ghostbusters movie it makes me feel like a kid again. And the world feels right. And Rex is my hamster. My friends took him to our apartment after the attack. He lives on the kitchen counter."

So it sounds to me like you have a lot of things that you can physically go to in your day to find comfort. When you're having a bad day, or if the memories come back to haunt your mind. I suggest that you remember these things we've identified and use them during the next week to help you find comfort and go to a happy place when the memories come back. Remind yourself that the bad memories are just that. They are just memories. And it's ok to remember them. Give yourself permission to grieve for the loss of what you thought Joe was to you. And then remind yourself that you are strong and that you have lots of people that we have identified today that are your friends. And your friends bring you safety and comfort. Concentrate on those things."

"I'll try. It's hard though."

"I know it is. Carlos, I also suggest that you and Stephanie talk about your feelings in all of this. I realize that you are here today to support her. But I can also see how close this is to you. You were the one who found Stephanie that evening, right?"

"Yes."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"I don't know what you mean? Towards Stephanie? I was scared."

"I mean how did you feel in general. Seeing her there?"

"Scared. Mad. Angry. Terrified."

"Why were you mad? Angry? At Stephanie?"

"God no! I could never…."

"But Stephanie, you think he was mad at you, don't you?"

I swung my head towards Rebecca. All of my attention had been focused on Ranger while he was talking. I never thought Ranger lost control of his emotions. He rarely even talked about them. But to hear him sit here and talk about how he was feeling was shocking. So it was a double shock to my system when Rebecca said I thought he was mad at me. I hadn't said anything about that to her. Nor to anyone! But deep down, it was a fear that I had.

"What do you mean?"

"You secretly think that Ranger is mad at you, or angry with you. Right?"

"Well…."

"Babe, how could you even think that? You did nothing wrong. I'm not mad at you or angry with you. Never!"

"But if I had fought harder. Or if I had agreed to let some of the guys come over to help me this would have never happened. You tried to get me to let them come over and help pack. And I was stubborn. I feel like you and your men have always had to help clean up my messes when I get in over my head. I was just packing up my apartment. That night was supposed to be special for us. I was moving in and we were going to be together. And my stubbornness ruined it."

"No Babe. It wasn't ruined. We're together. That's all that matters. Joe did this. Not you. Nothing is ruined."

I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry. But my thoughts were interrupted by Rebecca.

"But Carlos, you feel responsible don't you? You're sitting there telling Stephanie that it wasn't her fault. And it wasn't her fault. But deep down, you feel like it was your fault, don't you? And you think you could have prevented it from happening. So you feel guilty, right?"

Carlos glanced at me before answering. "I should have been there. I logically know that none of us knew what Morelli was capable of. But I can't stop thinking about how I allowed her to go back to him in the past. I encouraged it. I thought she was safe with him."

"But she's not with him now. She's chosen to be with you. And bad things happen to good people every day. The world is rarely a fair and logical place. But you two seem to be trying to pick up the pieces right?"

We both nodded.

"Carlos, it's obvious that Stephanie feels very safe with you. Do you feel you deserve that trust?"

Carlos hesitated. "Not always."

"Why?"

"Because I've not always been there for her. She's gotten hurt several times on my watch. This time was the worst."

"But she doesn't see it that way. Do you Stephanie?"

"No. Not at all. I feel like he's always been there for me. He's never failed me."

I took Carlos' hand again, and squeezed it tightly. He looked up at me and I could see love and adoration in his eyes.

"Carlos, what makes you feel safe? What frightens you?

I laughed. "Nothing frightens Ranger."

"Stephanie, I think that maybe you think Carlos doesn't show emotion because he's not frightened. But in actuality, there are things that frighten you, right? He told us he was scared when he found you in your apartment, Stephanie. What else Carlos?"

"I'm scared of something happening to Stephanie. I'm afraid of losing her. I'm afraid of failing her."

I sat there dumbfounded looking at Carlos.

"Do you think Stephanie expects you to be perfect?"

"No. I expect myself to be perfect for her. There's no room for error where she is concerned. Her getting hurt isn't acceptable."

"But she did. And it was no ones fault except the man that did this to her. Can you see that?"

"Yes. I suppose, but…"

"And you do realize that she, just like you, happens to work in a dangerous field. You can lessen the chances of her getting hurt with adequate training, but you can't eliminate that possibility completely. Even if she was sitting behind a desk everyday, correct?"

Ranger nodded.

"Carlos tell me what makes you feel safe."

"Stephanie."

"What about her?"

"Being with her. Holding her. Her love."

"What else?"

Carlos sat there looking at the carpet, thinking.

"Is there anything else that makes you feel safe, besides Stephanie?"

"I don't think so. I've never felt safe before finding her. I've lead a very dangerous life. But things are different now."

"How so?"

"I don't work for the government anymore."

"So you never felt safe when you worked for them? For the government?"

"No."

"You were in the military?"

"Yes."

"Did you feel safe?"

"Physically yes. Emotionally no."

"Why?"

"I don't trust others very easily."

"But you trust Stephanie?"

"Yes."

"Anyone else?"

"My friends. Our friends. The ones that Stephanie spoke of."

"So they make you feel safe?"

"Physically, yes."

"What about emotionally?"

"Just Stephanie."

"So you only trust Stephanie emotionally. With your heart, or am I misinterpreting?"

"No."

"Which is it?"

"No you're not misinterpreting. I only trust Stephanie emotionally. To open up to. To be myself with. To let her in. I love her."

I was in tears at this point. I know Carlos had told me he loved me before. But I'd never know just how much our love seemed to have meant to him.

"Stephanie, did you know how much Carlos loves you? And that he trusts only you?"

"No."

"Babe, I've told you I love you. You know that!"

"But this is different. To trust me is very different."

"Babe, I only trust you. With my life. That's why it's so important to me that you are safe. Without you, I'd be lost. Even when we weren't together, you were in my thoughts. You were what brought me home from those God awful missions for the past three years."

Rebecca was still writing on her legal pad. "It seems to me that you both are quite the pair. Carlos, it's important for you to realize that you couldn't have stopped what happened to Stephanie. She trusts you as much as you trust her. Realize that and stop blaming yourself. When you start to doubt it, remember the trust you place in her, and remind yourself that she obviously has that same level of trust for you. She's not disappointed in you, nor does she blame you. She needs you to help her heal from this, and if you're blaming yourself you are taking energy away from what you need to be doing for her. Understand?"

"Yes I think so. "

"And Stephanie, during the next week I want you to try to remember all the things we have identified that make you happy. And stay away from the thoughts that don't cause happiness. Does your family bring you happiness?"

"Yes. No. Sometimes maybe…"

"Which is it?"

"My dad yes. My grandma yes. My sister sometimes. And my mom it depends."

"How so?"

"My mom has always pushed me to be with Joe."

"Do you think things will be different now? If she knows what Joe did?"

"Maybe."

"Do you want her to know what happened?"

"I don't want to be the one that tells her. I don't want her pity. I just want her to admit she was wrong."

"Would you prefer Carlos tell her?"

"I don't want him to have to…"

"Babe, I can take care of it. If it's what you want, I'd be happy to."

I sat silent. Then nodded. "Ok."

"Well, I think we've made some good progress today. Stephanie, I'd like to see you twice a week for at least the next two months. Then we'll reevaluate. Would you like Carlos to attend next time?"

"Is it ok if he does?"

"I think if he makes you comfortable, then by all means…"

"Carlos, will you…"

"Babe, I told you I am here for the duration. You aren't getting rid of me that easily. And whether I'm in the waiting room or in here with you, either way I am going to be here."

"Ok then. Yes. I want him here with me."

"Very well then. I'll see you Friday. Cindy will make the appointment for you as you leave."

We got up to leave, and as we stepped out of Rebecca's office Carlos pulled me to him and held me. "I'm so very proud of you Babe."

I relished in him holding me. It felt safe. It felt like home. "I'm pretty proud of you too Carlos."

He pulled me back and looked into my eyes, questioningly. "Why's that?"

"You bared some pretty real emotions in there. I didn't know we were going to get a two for one deal here."

Carlos chuckled. "Babe, I'm sorry you feel like I don't express my emotions to you. But I am used to keeping things pretty close to my vest. But I promise that I will try. You just have to give me some time. But never doubt how much I love you."

"And you trust me."

"With my life."

"You know I trust you too, right Batman?"

"I do now, Babe. And I'm so very thankful that you do. I love you. Te amo Babe."

I reached up to kiss him. Gentle at first, then deeper. Finally, after we pulled apart I could see exactly how much he loved me. And I hope that he could see how much I loved him. "Te amo Carlos."