So I went back and re-read chapter 11 anfter I posted it... and my spelling was horrendous! My left eye was twitching at the end! (just kidding...)

Ugh so yeah, school is chewing my ass and spitting it out. So I'm sorry if I'm poofed for, like, months. Yeah. MONTHS. But I promise to keep writing. Anyways, so here is a funny chapter. Figured I make y'all laugh before I make y'all cry. ;)

I DON'T OWN NARUTO BECAUSE IF I DID I'D TOTALLY WRITE MYSELF IN THERE AS SAKURAS ASS-KICKING FRIEND WHO TOTALLY SHOWS SASUKE THAT HE'S A MORONIC ASSHOLE EVEN IF I CAN'T HELP BUT LOVE SASUSAKU BUT I'D TOTALLY HAVE SAKURA WIPE THE FLOOR WITH HIS ASS AND HAVE ITACHI COME BACK TO LIFE AND GET THE HAPPY ENDING HE DESERVES, A.K.A. FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AND...

Sakura: *pushes Lilithia out of the way* Anyway, onto the chapter! *turns back to Lilithia* You are an idiot.

Me: *still ranting*

Chapter Eleven: Bitch stole my look!

Eyes opened.

Blink.

Blink.

Sakura sat up and rubbed her eyes, the skin red-rimmed and sensitive from her silent tears all night. All she waned to do was sob to her hearts content last night, but she didn't dare risk awakening any of the Akatsuki members. So she buried her face into a pillow instead.

Glancing down at said pillow, Sakura grimaced at the blotches on the fabric. Sighing heavily, she went into her restroom to wash up. When she entered, she froze and stared.

"Whoa. I look like hell." Sakura mumbled as she stared at her reflection. With that she vigorously scrubbed her face.

Sakura stood staring at herself in the mirror for a long while. It was hard to believe she had been gone from Konoha for only five months. Actually, it would be six months next week.

With another heavy sigh, Sakura ran her fingers through her hair. When her fingers came across several twigs, she groaned. And she had just washed her face too!

And so Sakura went to her dresser to find a clean change of clothes, setting them on the bathroom counter next to a towel, stripping while the shower warmed up. Another sigh escaped her as she stepped under the warm spray, rolling her shoulders to loosen the muscles and cracking her neck. After washing her hair and body, Sakura's mind wandered back to the previous night.

So close…

'No! Now is not the time to think about that! Not here!' she told herself with a mental shake.

Sakura didn't know how long she stood under the shower, but one moment she was lost in her troubled thoughts, and the next moment a pair of large hands were wrapping themselves around her body.

Sakura sucked in a sharp breath as she was jolted from her thoughts. Before she could open her mouth to yelp, she recognized the familiar feeling of Sasori's hands.

"You missed breakfast." He mumbled as he pulled her against him.

Already the arousal she felt whenever he was around was warming certain areas of the body, and Inner Sakura spazzed. As Sasori nuzzled her shoulder, she felt a certain part of him reacting to her arousal, doubling the tingling rush in her veins. Sakura melted into his arms.

"You smell terrible." Sakura wrinkled her nose as she realized the sweaty smell was coming from him.

His chuckled rumbled through her as his hands caressed the front of her body while he nipped her ear. "I went out training with Deidara this morning."

"Training?" she asked, her voice hopeful.

"No, you are still technically a prisoner of the Akatsuki. No training for you." His voice went a little higher pitched as he repeated what Sakura guessed was the voice of their leader, Pein. " 'Prisoners are to be suppressed at all times, no matter their intentions, lest they betray us.' "

Sakura huffed. "I need to punch something. Anything! I'm tired of being caged up like this while my fighting skills rust!"

"There is nothing I can do." Sasori sighed.

Sakura huffed again.

His wonderful deep chuckle rumbled her being. Sasori really had one of the deepest voices she'd ever heard.

'And you especially love that deep timbre he gets when you're turning him on.' Inner Sakura whispered conspiratorially.

Under normal circumstances the comment would have made her blush, but now that she was so comfortable around him, she could only agree with her Inner.

"So how did training go?" Sakura asked as she turned in Sasori's arms, a satisfying slap sounding as their wet bodies pressed against one another.

"I'm pretty much used to this new body now." Sasori answered. "And all my puppets are up to par."

"They aren't… You're not talking about puppets that were once human, are you?" She asked hesitantly.

Sasori smiled understandingly. "You destroyed all of my greater puppets. I only have the artificial ones with me right now, seeing as I haven't been in any state to go out and acquire some properly powerful bodies."

His words didn't sit well with her.

Sakura looked away.

"But let's not dwell on that…" Sasori mumbled as he cupped her rear. Sakura couldn't help but gasp, not only at the gesture, but at the speed of which the fire coursed through her veins. Suddenly all she could think of was jumping Sasori right there in the shower-

'Not that he would mind.' Inner Sakura giggled.

But first…

"You're filthy." Sakura stated, pulling away.

Sasori's face fell, looking like she had just taken away his favorite toy. On anyone else it would have looked like a pout. Sakura almost smiled at the thought of a pouting Sasori.

"Oh come on Sakura…" the way Sasori breathed her name sent shivers down her spine.

"I'm sure you'll enjoy what I have in mind…" she smiled heatedly as she grabbed some soap and began to rub it around his shoulders.

Comprehension dawned on Sasori's face, and he gave her a devastating smirk. "Well since I'm so dirty, I guess that means you need to be cleaned again."

It was a very, very wonderful shower.

Of course eventually the erotic pleasuring in the shower wasn't enough, and soon Sakura and Sasori practically tackled each other to the bed.

"Sasori…" Sakura breathed, allowing her breath to fan across his shoulder as they laid together on her bed.

He lifted his chin and traced the bottom of her jaw with his tongue, making her body tremble in anticipation. But he kept his face buried next to hers in her still-damp hair, his breath warm on her flushed skin. Sakura laid under his surprisingly light body (for a man his size anyway), with her arms wrapped around him, her fingers combing lazily through damp red curls.

Turning her head, Sakura bit lightly at his ear.

Sasori groaned into her neck, and she fought to bite back her giggles. Suddenly his hands were roaming her body again, and even though they'd already had sex, Sakura was surprised he still had so much sexual drive left. Not that she was complaining.

And yet not once did he bother to lift his face away from the curve of her neck.

"Sasori… Sasori…" she cooed over and over.

Finally, on the eighth call, he responded. "What?" came his gruff voice.

Sakura couldn't help but giggle. Sasori was so cute when he was tired and lazy. She felt one of his eyebrows twitched against her skin as her soft giggles intensified for a few seconds.

"What was that for?"

"Have I ever mention how cute you are when you're like this?" she asked him.

"When I'm like what?" He still didn't lift his face. The way his voice was muffled was cute too!

"When your being lazy and grumpy." She smiled impishly.

Now Sasori lifted his head. One look at the mischief in her face and he crashed his lips against hers, delving his tongue into her already-swollen mouth. Such sweet lips.

When he pulled away, he gave her a dashing smiled before dropping his face into the junction of her neck.

"Seriously, Sasori. Won't the others be suspicious? Besides, we need to head downstairs anyway. I haven't had breakfast!"

But he tightened his grip around her small back and waist, rubbing his chin across her collarbone. "You mean dinner."

Sakura paused. "What?"

"When I said you missed breakfast earlier… I didn't mention that you also skipped lunch." She could hear the evil grin in his voice.

"What!" Sakura tried to sit up but Sasori's grip was too strong, even with her inhuman strength. The man was really strong when he wanted to be stubborn.

"Dinner should be cooking in about one to two hours." He mumbled into the hair-strewn pillow. "Just wait 'til then."

"But-"

His arms tightened and he pressed her into the bed. Sakura felt the arousal in her body stirring at his intimate touch. Warm kisses began trailing down her neck and then back up and to her ear. She was unable to suppress the moan that snuck up on her.

His lips smirked against her neck, just under her jaw. Her hands grasped at his body, kneading his toned muscles, tightening with every gasp and whimper he forced from her.

Love him so much…

"I never wanna leave this bed." Sasori's beautiful tenor resounded close to her ear, his voice lilting softly with the accent associated with those from the Wind Country, particularly Suna. It was almost musical, and Sakura found herself humming with pleasure as she pressed closer to him.

Love him… But I can't have him forever…

~~~The Flower of Konoha~~~

Sasori could feel the tension emanating off his girl, and it wasn't sexual tension. Although now she was more relaxed than when he had found her, she was still worried about something. And he gritted his teeth knowing that there was nothing he could do for her.

Sakura was in pain. He wasn't sure what caused it, but he knew it was a wound he couldn't tend to. It was an enemy he couldn't face, and he didn't like the feeling of helplessness the thought brought him.

He could feel her starting to break.

'My dear Sakura. Don't break inside. Please Sakura.' He thought, his eyes drifting over her pinched features as she slept on his chest. His fingers tangled into her strands. 'I love her so much. Gods help me she's undone me.'

Her muscles tensed and her eyebrows scrunched as something disturbed her in her dreams. Suddenly Sakura's eyes flew open, staring unseeing at the ceiling. Fingers clenched into his torso, body tense; even with her eyes open she seemed to be caught in the nightmare.

"Sakura?" Sasori stroked her back.

She didn't answer.

"Sakura?" 'Dammit what's wrong with you?'

"Sakura?" 'Just give me a sign. Respond somehow.' He thought as his hands clenched her shoulders.

With a shudder Sakura seemed to come back to herself, eyes fluttered open and close for a couple seconds before locking on his.

"I'm okay, Sasori." She whispered with a reassuring smile.

He shook his head. "Tell me."

Sakura looked away. Gently he clasped her chin and made eye contact with her. Sakura huffed. "Darn it, I can't resist you when you look at me with those eyes."

"What eyes?" he asked innocently.

She glared at him. "Don't play innocent with me. You know how to disarm a person with one look. Stupid angelic eyes."

He chuckled and kissed her forehead. Underneath him Sakura relaxed and he heard her sigh in defeat. Looking back down at her, he touched his nose to hers and stared into those beautiful emeralds.

"Tell me what's bothering you, my love."

She sucked in a sharp breath.

Love. Dude, you just said the forbidden word.

'Who the hell are you? Shut up.' It was that same annoying voice that appeared when Sasori had first began interacting with Sakura.

Hehe.

Sasori mentally shook himself and focused on Sakura. Those beautiful eyes of hers were flicking across his face, as if memorizing each and every detail of his face. So intent on her gaze that he was surprised when a callused but soft hand cradled his cheek. Sakura's fingers traced his lips, causing Sasori's heart to constrict with an alien emotion.

"I dreamt… that you left me." She whispered, the pain in her voice evident.

Sasori, who had been resting on his elbows above her, leaned his body next to hers and pulled Sakura against his body, resting his chin on top of her head.

"I will never leave you." 'You already hold my heart.' He thought, but unlike the man he used to be, these thoughts actually made him happy.

"You didn't leave me as in broke up with me…" she mumbled into his chest. "You were… taken."

He was silent as he waited for Sakura to elaborate further.

"We were walking in a garden. Sakura blossoms swirled so thickly through the air that I could barely see in front of me. But you were next to me, holding my hand." She hugged him tighter. "Then everything was black, except the blossoms swirling around us. And your hand was yanked from mine. I turned around and around but I couldn't find you. All I heard was your voice."

Sasori allowed the vision to settle in his mind before he ventured to ask, "What did my voice say?"

She was quiet for a long while.

"You said…" she took a deep breath. "You said, 'I'll always be watching.'… And then I felt alone. And I knew- that you were gone."

Sasori felt his brows furrow. It was an impossible dream. He would rather fight the entire Konoha village than willingly leave Sakura.

Surprised at his thoughts, Sasori reviewed them. 'Whoa. I guess I really do love her…' he shook his head, somewhat disturbed, though the thought of being in love with Sakura was not unpleasant. 'Is that what this is? Love?'

He chuckled and began to rub her back.

"What's so funny?" she growled between sniffles.

Shaking his head, Sasori had a lazy smile on his face as he bent his head to touch his forehead to Sakura's. One arms wrapped around her waist while the other came up to cup her face.

"If you think I'd actually let you go, you are sadly mistaken." He kissed his on the lips, slowly, luxuriously, but with restrained passion. She smiled against his lips.

"I'd never leave you either, Sasori." She wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him in.

And then they heard the explosion.

~~~The Flower of Konoha~~~

Earlier in the afternoon they watched with bated breath as two Akatsuki members left the base. It was all the reassurance they needed that it was the right place. Ino had to hold Shikamaru back as Hidan and Kakuzu ran off towards the north.

"So this is the place." Neji mumbled as he stared at the mountain. He couldn't believe that they'd actually found an Akatsuki base. This meant so much for Konoha! Of course, they couldn't tell Konoha yet since this wasn't exactly a sanctioned mission.

"We're so close!" Hinata whispered nervously next to him as they both stared into the mountain with the Byakugan.

"How many do you see?" Shikamaru growled from behind them. Ino still had her hand clamped on his arm to keep him from running after Hidan and Kakuzu.

Neji and Hinata squinted their eyes.

"It's still very far away." Neji said. "I can make out some blurs of chakra, but I can't specify who or what they are."

Hinata nodded. "I see… four… five chakra signatures."

"Five Akatsuki are still dangerous, considering how much damage even one can do." Neji warned.

"And there's six of us." Shikamaru said.

"Don't forget that one of those chakra signatures belongs to Sakura." Ino said, making all of them tense up. Yes, Sakura was so close. But the Akatsuki weren't likely to give her up easily.

"Okay." Shikamaru stood up and stretched from his position on the tree. "Ino, perform your mind transfer jutsu on an animal, preferably something small and unnoticeable. Then go and check for openings in the base's defenses."

She nodded and went off to find a squirrel.

"Neji, Hinata, keep your eyes on the base and when Ino goes to check the defenses, watch for her signals."

They nodded.

"I'm going to find Ino now to catch her body." Shikamaru glanced behind him into the forest after her. "Naruto, Sasuke, don't do anything just yet. You'll be our heavy-hitters on this mission. Once we've found a way through the defenses, we'll sneak in and find Sakura. I'd like to do this without the Akatsuki even knowing we were there."

Like that was going to happen. They all knew that the Akatsuki were too good to not sense six intruders in their base, but they knew that the faster they get Sakura out the better.

"Remember, Sakura gets first priority. Get her out fast and far. Don't wait for the rest of us." Everyone nodded as Shikamaru left to find Ino.

"Here we go." Naruto muttered.

It took almost two hours for Ino to find a weakness in the defenses and for the group to make a plan on how to sneak in. By then the sun was already setting, and under the cover of shadows, the ninjas broke into the base.

They found themselves following a dank staircase leading only downwards. So they had no choice but to follow it. The moisture from the earth was smothering, the walls too slimy for them to want to touch it. Sasuke made a small fire in the palm of his hand, leading the way as they walked single file through the darkness.

The staircase ended when they walked into a room full of metal bars. The dungeon. Wind coming from the staircase created an eerie howl as it entered the room, sending a chill down all their spines, not that the boys would admit it. The dungeon was thankfully empty, looking as if it hadn't had any inhabitants in a long time. Of course, the Akatsuki rarely bothered to take prisoners.

The ninjas avoided looking at the torture tools hung neatly on the wall across from the cells, flecked with rust and blood. Many of the tools also glimmered green or purple. Poison.

Hinata covered her mouth and placed her other hand on her stomach, smothering the growing nausea.

Neji noticed and quickly placed his arm around her shoulders. "Guys, let's get out of here." He said softly.

With silent agreement, they all searched for the staircase that should lead upwards. Ino approached Hinata and rubbed the shivering girl's back while Neji tried to hide his worry. The platinum blonde swallowed as images of a tortured Sakura came unbidden into her mind. Ino pushed away the thoughts.

"I found it!" Naruto called, and everyone winced as his obnoxious voice echoed in the metal walls.

"Naruto you friggin dumb ass! What the fuck is wrong with you? Keep your damn voice down!" Ino hissed. "Are you even capable of whispering?"

Naruto shrunk away from Ino in fear. "Sorry Ino-chan!" He whispered (although his whisper was still somehow obnoxiously loud). "You seem rather cranky. Is it that time of month?"

An aura of death radiated from the kunoichi as Shikamaru looked on in exasperation and Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Do you have a death wish, Naruto-dobe?" Sasuke asked calmly.

"Troublesome idiots." Shikamaru muttered. "This is a serious mission."

Naruto clamped his mouth shut and looked guilty. Ino smacked the back of his head before walking cautiously up the stairs. Rubbing his head sadly, Naruto followed Ino, and the others followed the two loud blondes.

Ino carefully opened the door at the top of the stairwell, sticking her head slowly to peer down both ends of the hallway. She wrinkled her nose in dislike. The Akatsuki had really boring tastes. Cement floors and dark, almost black red walls. What they needed was a florist.

'WTF?' Ino shook her head at her strange thoughts.

"Clear." She called quietly behind her, opening the door and taking a defensive pose as the others filed into the hall.

"Which way?" Naruto asked as they all looked back and forth between the two ends of the hall.

"Into the ground, yeah!" Said a voice with a strange accent. Everyone swiveled to see a blonde Akatsuki member turn into the hall from their right, looking at them with a maniacally smug grin.

"What's this, un? A bunch of ninja brats!" Deidara cocked his head. "Thought I sensed something. Funny, some of you seem familiar, yeah. Ah well, you'll all be charred beyond recognition when I'm done with you, yeah!"

"BITCH!" Ino cried, pointing an obnoxious finger at Deidara. He cocked an eyebrow while his hand chewed some clay. "WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR HEAD?"

Shikamaru sighed. Everyone else was confused.

"It's my hair, un." Deidara glared at Ino's finger, and even though she was halfway down the hall, he could feel that obnoxious finger with a perfectly manicured nail just poking him in the forehead. "And you can't have any of it, yeah!"

And in slow motion, Deidara flipped his hair, the world sparkling for a moment.

"BITCH STOLE MY LOOK!" Ino screeched.

Everyone did a double take between Deidara and Ino. Hinata's mouth dropped open. Naruto snickered. Shikamaru, Neji, and Sasuke smirked.

Deidara narrowed his eyes. "My hair's prettier than your, yeah! Don't even compare them!"

"Oh please, you transvestite! You can't beat this shit!" Ino yelled at him angrily. "I fucking use Paul Mitchell!" (A/N: I don't own Paul Mitchell. He makes great salon products though!)

"BITCH!" Deidara cried. "I fucking use Paul Mitchell!"

The blondes glared at each other. Naruto snickered again.

"YOU. STOLE. MY. LOOK." Ino ground out.

"Bitch please." Deidara scoffed. "It was my look the whole time, un."

"I APPEARED IN THIS SERIES BEFORE YOU!" Ino yelled.

"I'M OLDER THAN YOU IN THE SERIES THOUGH, YEAH!" Deidara bit back.

Shikamaru sighed. "This is so fucked up."

"YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH PINEAPPLE-HEAD!" Deidara and Ino yelled at him. Shikamaru winced and clapped his hands over his ears.

"What did you just say?" Ino growled. "Shikamaru is my pineapple head! No one can call him that but me!"

"Bitch, I can't help it if he looks like a pineapple-head to me, yeah!" Deidara shot back, seeming to forget the explosives his hands were still chewing in their boredom.

"What is this about a pineapple?" Shikamaru asked with wide eyes, confused. He had never felt so clueless before.

Hinata and Neji snickered with Naruto behind him. Sasuke couldn't believe the situation in front of him. This was one of the feared Akatsuki? A man (?) who argued about hairstyles and pineapple heads? WTF.

"And what makes him your pineapple-head, yeah?" Deidara snickered.

Thankfully Ino was in front of everyone, so no one saw how her cheeks blushed furiously. "Are you laughing at me you wanna-be?" she taunted.

Deidara straightened. "Wanna-be? Oh no you didn't!"

"I believe I just did." Ino smirked as she inspected her nails.

"Whore, un."

"Jealous bitch."

"Mind-raper, un."

Ino gasped in outrage. "At least I don't have tongues for a lack of dick!"

"I HAVE A DICK, YEAH!" Deidara howled. "AND WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A DICK, UN?"

"Stop pretending you have one, Dickless!" Ino smirked.

Naruto winced.

~~~The Flower of Konoha~~~

Somewhere in Konoha…

Sai felt a strange feeling crawl up in spine and then sneezed. The force of his sneeze turned a page in the bingo-book he was currently flipping through, the pages settling on the picture of a psychotic looking Ino- ahem, Deidara.

"Oh." He said with a straight face as he wrote a small note to the side of the picture. "Another Dickless."

~~~The Flower of Konoha~~~

Deidara sneezed. He had a bad feeling all of a sudden.

"Bitch what'd you do?" he yelled, knowing that it had to be her fault.

"What's I do?" she screeched. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING MIXING BLONDE WITH BLACK AND RED? THOSE COLORS SOOOO DON'T COMPLIMENT BLONDE HAIR! YOU'RE DISGRACING MY HAIRSTYLE!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, BITCH!" Deidara stamped his foot. "YOU STOLE MY LOOK!"

"For the love of any and all gods, just shut up already!" Naruto finally yelled at them.

Ino and Deidara glared at Naruto with death in their eyes, and Deidara flipped the annoying boy off at the same time he threw a bomb at him.

Everyone gasped. Trapped in a narrow hallway with a psychotic bomber was not good. Jumping down the hall, the bomb exploded.

"I'll show you some art, un!"

"BITCH YOU ALMOST BURNT MY HAIR, UN!" Ino screeched.

Neji leaned in towards Shikamaru. "Why are you in love with her again?"

Shikamaru sighed. "Fuck, I wonder myself."

Neji smirked. "Good luck living with her."

Shikamaru reddened.

"Shikamaru and Ino?" Hinata gasped. They had forgotten she was there.

Shikamaru glared at Neji.

Meanwhile, Deidara had stilled in his maniacal laughter. "What did you say?"

"I said you almost burnt my hair, UN." Ino smirked.

"Are you making fun of my accent, yeah?" Deidara stared incredulously at the Leaf kunoichi. No one ever dared make fun of his accent!

"No, yeah!" she snickered.

"BITCH, UN!"

"TRANSVESTITE, UN!" Ino yelled.

And the battle commenced.

I always wondered what would happen between a Deidara and Ino look-alike fight. Guess I got my answer. Ah, this is one of my favorite chapters.

REVIEW DAMMIT! XD