Bear with me the outline for this chapter was written around Christmas time.

Chapter Ten

Christmas time was unusually dull for the four this year, each of them were experiencing some type of loss from the absence of Scorpius.

Whether it was physical sadness, anger, or the loss of something else. Each of the three were experiencing something, and Scorpius. He's wondering if he even knows what it means to go by that name.

Rose

Christmas wasn't the same without Scorpius letters, or perhaps it was the fact that I wouldn't see him over the course of this holiday season that really hurt me. I suppose I've grown accustomed to receiving letters from him whenever we were away from each other. Whether it was summer holiday, or winter holiday either way a beautiful pure white barn owl greeted her with its sweet song, and a letter tied to it's thin leg.

Yet without those letters, without the intelligent eyes of that owl. Christmas feels unbearably lonely. "Rosie what's wrong." I looked up to see my dad's brow furrowed in concern, his blue eyes searching for any sign of distress. He had old eyes my father; they weren't old as in signs of aging. But of all the things he has seen, the deaths that he's witnessed. Perhaps the death he has caused, it has always been hard for me to hide things from my father. Even now it's just as hard, "Nothing dad, I was just thinking."

I said with a smiling, easing his thoughts. His demeanor physically relaxed and a smile stretched across his face. "You think any harder Rosie and you'll end up; like your mum." He said holding a hand to the side of his face, while cocking his head to the side at my mother. She shot him a glare and swatted at his arm playfully.

It was the only time of the year that my mother wouldn't even bat an eyelash at his jokes. She seemed more at ease at this time of the year; she always says that "Christmas isn't the time to be more giving, but to be more tolerant sometimes. The years go by fast and it takes more energy to think of only the bad things; instead think of the good. Remember the bad but don't dwell on it." I understand she meant the second wizarding war, but to me I just want nothing more than to not think of Scorpius.

"May I be excused?" I asked looking into my mother's concerned brown eyes; I know I wouldn't be getting away easily. "I just want to study; it's never too early to study for O.W.L's." I said quickly, my mother laughed and nodded. "Alright, just don't study too hard Rosie. You still have some time before you should worry too much." I nodded smiling before running up the stairs, taking two of them at a time.

I ripped open the chest under my bed and took out the letters, his words were mocking me. The concern in his writing I could practically hear him overthinking and trying hard to correct his grammar. I want nothing more than to get him out of my mind. But it presses to my memory, all of those words all of those silly times I blushed over something he said.

It was all lies that I had fed into. Scorpius is nothing more than a liar, a deceiving little runt. I took the first letter he ever wrote to me and ripped it to shreds. The feeling was great, to just finally be able to destroy something under my hands.

I looked down at the minuscule pieces of the letter and fell to my knees gently picking through the confetti. "Oh Scorpius." I said softly as a tear ran down my face. I whipped it away angrily and shook my head not letting myself feel any sentimental value towards those letters.

I finally knew what I wanted this Christmas, this year more than anything. I want Scorpius out of my life, permanently.

Albus

I want to know why there is this empty feeling in my head, ever since that night… I feel like something is missing in the back of my mind. It's like your trying to think to your favorite memory but there's a stop sign. A bright big red stop sign singling that there is no memory beyond this point, and you try to push past it. But each time you get more confused and more frustrated by the emptiness that greets you.

"Al are you alright, you and James haven't been fighting; and it's actually scaring me." My mom said concern filling her face, I shook my head mustering up a smile as I zipped my duffle bag closed. "I'm fine mum, just thinking." I said throwing my duffle bag over my shoulder with a smile. My mom opened her mouth to say something else until James entered the room smirking in that irritating way of his. "Don't worry too much mum; Al is just crushing on Celia. She's all he can think about. Hey you know they were snogging in the broom closet." He said with a smirk, my mom's face turned red and she looked at me incredulously.

"Albus!" She said in shock, I dropped my duffle bag in anger. "We were not! James, JAMES!" I yelled dashing outside after my older brother who was laughing behind his shoulder. Once we were outside I tackled him to the lawn and wrestled him in the grass. Punching his face and stomach, not enough to bruise him but hard enough for him to get the idea. "Boys!" My mom yelled behind us, but I paid no mind to her pleas.

"You're so stupid!" I yelled punching him hard, he continued laughing and put me in flipped me onto my back. I groaned in annoyance as he put me in a headlock rubbing his knuckles into my head. "Boys come on! We're going to be late for Christmas dinner, and you know how your grandmother gets." James looked towards our mom and yelled back. "Give me a minute; I need to finish torturing Al." He turned back towards me a confident smirk on his annoying face. "It's okay baby bro, I know you like Celia but no worries I won't tell her. Besides she is way too good looking for you."

He got off of me and jogged towards the car laughing over his shoulder. I got up from the grass and dusted off my jeans glowering at James back. I took my bag from my mom's hands and put it into the car and closed the back. "Hey Al." I turned towards my little sister and smiled ruffling her fiery hair. She pushed my hand away annoyed before mumbling something out. "What's that Lily?" She sighed and said it again smiling. "If it makes you feel any better, I think Celia isn't too good for you. You kind of work, she's smart and you're a dork. One day she's going to be my big sister so don't mess it up!" She said punching my arm and skipping off.

I felt my face heat up and I groaned, "Come on Lilz not you too!" She laughed and got into the car, I looked towards my parents who were both fighting back laughs. Well my mom was trying to suppress hers, but my dad was openly laughing out and high fiving each of my siblings. "Dad!" I groaned and he only laughed ruffling my hair. "Please just get in the car Albus."

My mom hugged me close and kissed the top of my head. "Just get in the car sweetheart, and don't worry too much about James. He's just… James." She decided with a nod before shooing me into the car. The drive there was filled with more teasing from each of my siblings, and my father discreetly.

When we finally got to my grandmother's house after using a portkey that Uncle Ron, and dad put like forty miles from our house. We arrived directly in front of my grandparents' house; I smiled as we entered as the smell of Christmas enveloped me. The pots were mixing things furiously, the smell of freshly baked goods sending a rumble in my stomach.

While this warmth enveloped me like my grandmother's hugs. I looked towards the couch to see Teddy and Victorie sitting way too close to each other and, snogging. James looked positively horrified, while Lily just squealed and jumped up and down. "Teddy!" She squealed, he smiled releasing our cousin. (After probably three hours of straight snogging. I swear he has gills) Just as I was about to say hello I was scooped up by my grandmother. Who hugged me hard and kissed my cheeks, I groaned in annoyance. I swear they still think I'm four and half and have my teeth missing. "Albus, look at you so grown up! Has your mother been feeding you? My god, GINNY! Your son is as gawky as his father was!" I look down embarrassed, "I'm not gawky." I grumbled only causing my grandmother to peck my cheeks, finding it "adorable". Victorie hugged me tight and kissed my cheeks.

"I've missed you lizzle cousin." She said in her heavily accented English, while still holding me to her and kissing the top of my head. I batted her hands away and she smiled at me like I was a pouty five year old. "Aw isn't he zo adorable when he poutz?" Victorie said to my grandmother laughing, I rolled my eyes and stepped away from the two. "Whatever Victorie shouldn't you be snogging Teddy anyway?" Her face turned a bright crimson and she batted me away, "I missed when you were sweet like my lizzle Lily."

I chuckled to myself and stepped away from my cousin, just to be tackled by my other ones. "Merry Christmas!" I turned around and smiled at the red-headed boy with a wide grin. "Hey Hugo, have you been teasing Rosie for me?" I asked under my breath, he shook his head pouting a bit. "No, mom and dad make sure I'm off her back since she's studying. But I think it's about Sco…" He got cut off by Rose elbowing him hard in the gut. "Shut up Hugo!" She said menacingly her usually sweet blue eyes sharp and cold. "You okay Rosie?" I asked and she snapped her head towards me angrily.

"Fine." I held up my hands in surrender and walked over to my aunt and uncle, to say hello. "Merry Christmas Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron." Aunt Hermione smiled and ruffled my hair, much to my annoyance and kissed my cheek. "Merry Christmas Albus, gosh look at you. You're looking more and more like Harry every day." I smiled at that and bumped fists with my uncle, in our way of greeting. "Hey Al, keeping those boys away from our Rosie?" I nodded with a laugh and a mock salute. "Yes sir."

He smiled proudly. "Keep up the good work." I nodded but before I walked away I needed to ask him something. "Hey Uncle Ron, do you know why someone might…" I stopped realizing I'd completely forgotten my train of thought, it happened whenever I thought to that night… With Scorpius like I couldn't get it out of mind yet I couldn't recall the memory. He looked at me expectantly but I shook my head sighing loudly, "I can't remember what I was going to say." Uncle Ron smiled and put his arm around my shoulder and turned me towards a far corner of the house. "I think I know what you were trying to talk about. Is it about that girl Celia? Rosie says your crazy for her, and I met the girl once. She's a real charmer Al, you got great taste. She's a little brainy for us Gryffindor men, she totally belongs in Ravenclaw just like your Aunt Mione. But anyway just…" I stopped him turning as red as his hair, "Uncle Ron, I appreciate the help but I am not about to talk about my… feelings; with you." I turned around rubbing my neck which must have been flushed as well. "This family is insane." I said softly to myself as I got as far away from my uncle as possible.

Though I could still hear him chuckling behind me. After Christmas dinner, I noticed Rose had gone missing. Aunt Hermione looked a bit worried, but I told her I'd look for her. I found Rose outside with letters in her hands. "Aw Rosie." I said softly sitting beside her. She looked towards me tears in her big blue eyes. I held my arms out and she cried in my shoulder, I patted her back and moved her red curls from my nose since they were tickling it.

"I need your help Al." I nodded as she stood up she looked serious. "I need you to erase every memory of Scorpius from my mind." I looked at her in shock, and then this anger just consumed me. "You really are naïve. The hell is wrong with you Rose? Do you understand what it's like to have a gap in your head, imagine it not remembering half of your fucken time in Hogwarts? All because of one bad experience grow up and face the reality Rose. He's gone, and you're just going to have to deal with it. I refuse to make you lose such good memories all because you're too sad because your crush left his friends! Use your head Rose!"

She smacked me hard in the face. "I-I don't know what else to do Al. What else can I do, you and Celia find comfort in each other and Quidditch. When you two where there all I had was Scorpius. Do you know how alone I am?" I rolled my eyes, "Bullshit, you were never alone." She raised an eyebrow challenging me. "Because your family will always be here Rosie. We'll always have your back. Now give me those damn letters."

She handed them over a small smile on her face. "You have a very vast use of vocabulary Al." I rolled my eyes at her, "Shut up Rose." We threw the letters to the ground and I lifted my wand. "Want me to do the honors." She nodded standing behind me, as if to shield her from the burned memories before her. "Wait, here use my dad's wand. We aren't allowed to use magic outside of school."

I looked at her shocked, this rebellious girl in front of me was not the Rosie I had known and loved. But something else entirely, a new her that would take risks. I had a feeling this was the beginning of a new Rose, a freaking awesome Rose.

"Incendio."I whispered and the crackle of the letters filled the silence in the air. We stood there in silence both of us mourning for a loss. For Rose it was a friendship, and for me the forgotten memory.

~Celia~

I don't know who I can trust anymore. I had thought that Scorpius would change but if anything he's grown colder. I had been cordially invited to another Malfoy extravagancy that I honestly don't want to attend, but my mother encouraged me to go either way. She had been acting strange lately; I believe she is hiding something from me. I think her boyfriend broke up with her, but she won't say a word, so neither do I. My mother curled my hair, and clipped my bangs from my face.

"I have a dress for you." My mom said leading me to her room, "It was actually, my dress when I was younger your grandmother… I didn't realize why she chose green until now." We were silent for a moment, until my mom opened her closet. She fished through her work clothes and other dresses, and behind the thick white fabric that I knew as her wedding dress was a beautiful emerald dress.

It was floor length, with shimmery sleeves that were adorned with emerald leaves that dotted it. Vine like leaves adorned the breast of the dress, and traveled to waist stopping there, where the rest was green fabric. I turned towards my mother and smiled, "It's lovely."

She fussed over me the rest of the night before tying my hair into a twist and sending me off. One of the Malfoy's servants picked me up via floo powder. Then we were off to Malfoy manor. As I entered many more people came behind me as the servant led me to the living room where everyone was socializing. "Ah Celia lovely to see you again." Mrs. Malfoy said smiling down at me; she looked lovely in a dark green dress that complimented her green eyes and light brown hair perfectly.

"You too Mrs. Malfoy may I speak to you in private?" She nodded and pulled me aside to where no one else was. "What is it? Is something wrong with Scorpius?" She asked her face filled with concern, I shook my head in reassurance. "No but I believe he is getting involved in something, I'm afraid for him." Her face hardened and she looked away. "Thank you Celia, I believe it is time I've talked to my father-in-law. Please go find Scorpius he's missed you." She said placing her hand on my cheek affectionately before stomping off towards Luscious Malfoy.

I walked back to the party to find Scorpius he was talking with a few of his Slytherin friends who all turned towards me sneering. "Celia! You actually came!" He said happily embracing me, I smiled and hugged him back. "Of course, I promised earlier this year that I'd come. I always keep a promise." Scorpius smiled widely and turned back to his glaring friends. "This is Cecilia Elizabeth Volger-Fleetwood. She's actually an old family friend on her mother's side." I looked towards Scorpius in shock, and smiled fakely at his friends who all became suddenly interested. "Wait your Belvina Fleetwood's granddaughter, like… the death eater." A boy said quietly his eyes shimmering in excitement.

I nodded smiling fakely, "Good to know you'd accept a Ravenclaw as long as her family had a long history of Slytheins. I was so worried." I said with mock fear, and they actually tried to reassure me. I excused myself and walked up the stairs to the bathroom to find it accompanied by a few…older students.

I grumbled under my breath and prepared to go find another room to hide in until I felt someone's hand on my upper arm. I turned on my heel and glared at Scorpius. "Don't come here and apologize! I am so tired of it." Scorpius looked at me surprised and I smacked the look off his face literally. The hall echoed the sound of my hand against his face. He turned towards me holding his red cheek and looked down shamed. "I'm sorry; I wish I could explain but…" I cut him off with a dark look. "STOP! You are such a liar, you aren't sorry. If you wish you could explain then you would have. I thought I could trust you Scorpius but I don't know if I can. Al was all ready to tell me something he knew but all of a sudden it slipped from his thoughts… I don't want to accuse you of wiping his memory, but please Scorpius. Tell me the truth."

He looked at me pleadingly then turned away, "I can't." I felt tears filling my eyes but I turned around, "Then you've made your choice."

Scorpius

What have I done...?

I've honestly let everything good slip from my life. It wasn't my father, but my grandfather who pressured us both into this way of life. Threatening to take away everything from my father and I, if we didn't bend to his will.

If I had done something, if I had tried harder perhaps I'd be happy again. Yet it's like I've been thrown back into the loneliness that I have long since forgotten. The loneliness I held when I first entered Hogwarts, when no one would approach the Malfoy. When no one could care less, and even now.

I am back into that loneliness, where my only shelter is in my mind. Who am I? It's the question that continues to tumble through my head. Am I Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, the pureblooded wizard bound to the darkness of his pure ancestors. The ones who hold the purest of blood, or am I Scorpius. The friend of the Gryffindor trio. The one that was accepted by the most unlikely people, the ones that had fought for justice. For freedom of Voldemort, who I am foolishly supporting and avenging a man I never wanted to meet.

Who am I?

I don't know where I belong, I want to know where this me. The me that has caused so much anguish to my friends. Where do I belong, where does Scorpius the one who reads, and loves potions class; and one day hopes to exceed the normal expectations of Slytherin and prove not to be the most undesirables of the school. Yes I am ambitious, but I am not above leaving everything behind for power.

Who am I?