A/N: I got Scrubs Season 2 for Christmas! Now I just need...well, every other season.

I hope everyone had a happy holiday!

Raising a Hand

by LQ Aredhel

Chapter 11

"We need to talk."

JD shook his head and summoned up the strength to croak out, "No we don't." He didn't want to be there; he didn't want to hear what Dr. Cox had to say about him, about what assumptions he'd made after he put everything together. At that moment, JD just wanted to sleep.

But Dr. Cox didn't reply, not right away. He just sat with his chin in his hands, staring distantly at the floor. JD closed his eyes. If he fell asleep before Dr. Cox said anything, there was no way that his mentor would wake him up again, not while he was supposed to be recovering. But JD was too tense to relax, so he watched and waited for Dr. Cox to give him another lecture.

"JD," he finally began, shocking the younger doctor. "I...I make a lot of jokes, and I talk a lot of crap, but..." He just sat there for a few moments and JD had to wonder where he was going with this.

"I didn't know," he mumbled, not looking JD in the eye.

JD was confused and terrified; he didn't know that JD was gay? Was sleeping with a man? Was annoying enough to get the crap beat out of him by the one person who cared about him? What exactly was Dr. Cox trying to say?

His ribs were starting to really hurt. Maybe if he asked, Dr. Cox would turn up his morphine and ramble on while JD slept. Or maybe he'd beat JD over the chest with his chair until he passed out. Either way was fine, really...

"I thought... I actually believed that you were starting fights at a bar or something. I thought...well, you're a clumsy guy, and you probably get picked on once in a while. You know, since Gandhi hasn't been hanging around you lately..." He was still staring at that spot on the ground, as if it was all still coming together for him. "I even thought, maybe, that you were with a rough chick." JD would have laughed at that if he weren't so tired and in so much pain. "But none of that's true, is it?" He finally looked at JD, and instead of malice or an evil glare, JD was shocked to see guilt in his expression.

"I took so many shots at you about being...hurt by..." He didn't finish, and suddenly JD knew that he knew everything.

"I don't know what you're talking about," JD said; but his voice was tiny, barely there. What would Dr. Cox do to him? Would he tell everyone?

"I swear I didn't know, Newbie." Now Dr. Cox looked like he was going to break down, and panic welled up in JD's chest, adding to the stabbing pain that was rising there.

"There's nothing going on," he assured, his voice getting higher. It was becoming hard to breath again.

Dr. Cox scooted up close in his chair, and continued quietly, "If you're being hurt by...anyone...and you need help, you have to tell me. You have to tell someone. You know that anyone in this hospital would give anything to help you."

JD closed his eyes; his mind was suddenly divided. Half of him thought immediately of his friends avoiding him when he had problems. The other half couldn't help but be reminded of his conversation with a young girl weeks before.

He shook his head, trying to smile reassuringly through his exhaustion and pain. "It's not what you think," he tried to explain, his voice rough. "He really cares about me, he just...gets upset sometimes." As soon as it left his mouth, JD realized that it had been a confession. But Dr. Cox didn't say anything; he just looked at JD like he'd never seen him before.

"You're kidding, right?" Dr. Cox's angry voice had returned. "Do you have any idea how many people I've heard that from? How many times have you heard it, Newbie? 'It's different with him,' 'He just gets upset sometimes,' 'He just drinks too much sometimes.' I thought you of all people would know better than that." He rose from the chair and the panic returned full-force in JD's chest.

"You won't tell anyone?" It was more of a plea than a question as JD's arm rose as if to stop the doctor from leaving. "Please, it's really not what it seems."

Dr. Cox turned back to look at him, still appearing angry. "You need help, Newbie, whether you know it yourself or not."

"Please!" JD cried, pain shooting through his chest. He felt the familiar beginnings of a panic attack. "I don't need help, I'm fine! I can handle it, I swear, just please don't tell them, I don't want you to tell them!" Dr. Cox was looking at him again like he'd never seen him before. "I'll do anything, I'll cover your shifts, your patients, please--"

"Newbie, calm down," the older doctor was suddenly beside the bed, gently trying to lower JD back onto the bed; apparently he'd tried to stand. "Shush, it's okay, just breathe."

Black spots appeared before JD's eyes as he gasped for breath. He tried to demand, again, but he couldn't make his voice work; he saw Dr. Cox out of the corner of his eye adjusting his morphine.

"Breathe, JD."

He did, and he slowly felt his body relax into the bed, his breathing slowed, and he could see clearly again. The pain in his chest was excruciating, but it was slowly fading with the help of the morphine and JD could only breathe and wait for the pain to go away enough for him to pass out again.

He heard the door to the room slam open and suddenly Turk was standing above him, a terrified look on his face. JD barely registered that he was talking, and winced when Turk rose his hand to touch him. Dr. Cox and Turk were talking above him, probably about him, and JD felt like he could sob if he weren't so tired; he could only hope that Dr. Cox would keep his secret quiet.

JD woke slowly, basking in the tingly numbness that ran through his body; it seemed like forever since he was conscious without being in pain.

"'Morning, Bambi. Feeling better?" Carla asked, checking his vitals.

He nodded lazily, and then suddenly remembered the conversation with his mentor. "Where's Dr. Cox?" God, now his throat hurt again.

Carla gave him a pointed look. "His shift is over; you've been out for a while. Looks like you're completely over the infection, though." She removed the blood pressure meter from his arm and the stethoscope from her ears. "Dr. Cox wanted me to tell you that even though you fell asleep, you're conversation isn't over. What were you guys talking about?"

JD shrugged evasively and hesitated a moment. "He's ... just mad at me for missing my shift on Monday. He just wants to yell at me some more."

Carla chuckled and fiddled with the machines next to the bed. She didn't know what they'd been talking about. That meant that Dr. Cox hadn't told her; maybe he hadn't told anyone. JD was so relieved he felt good enough to get out of bed, but stopped when a slight twinge of pain ran through his ribs at the thought. Maybe I'll just stay a while longer.

"When can I leave?" he asked, pretty much already knowing the answer. But he was feeling good and he wanted to talk to someone.

"Well," Carla began, giving him a reassuring smile, "as long as the infection is taken care of, you can leave as soon as you feel comfortable enough to walk around. You'll have to have someone help you around the house, though..." She suddenly appeared uncomfortable. "Of course, Turk and I would be willing to stay with you in shifts--"

"No, it's okay," JD cut in quickly. "I can stay with ... my friend."

Carla nodded, obviously disappointed. "So, that must have been quite a fall," she said, trying to lighten the mood. "Are you sure someone didn't kick the crap out of you when you hit the bottom?" She chuckled awkwardly, and JD gave her a weird look; maybe Dr. Cox had been talking. "Okay, that was in bad taste. Dr. Cox was pretty adamant earlier in believing that you were hiding something. I guess he dropped it when he talked to you."

JD swallowed thickly and nodded. "Yeah." Why did he have to be so demanding? What am I going to do?

"Well, anyway, you have a visitor today. It's the same guy from yesterday, the one who found you. He's been waiting for you to wake up." She rose to go, then turned back, and asked curiously, "Do you two know each other from somewhere else?"

He hesitated in telling her a blatant lie. He finally settled on, "Not really," and she left to find Daniel.

When she returned with Daniel (who looked pleasantly innocent beside her), Carla's pager went off and she seemed confused by the message.

"What is it?" JD asked, really only wanting her to leave so that he could relax and talk to Daniel.

Carla furrowed her brows. "It's Dr. Cox. I don't know what that man is talking about. I'd better go call him." She smiled politely at Daniel and exited the room, closing the door behind her.

"You look a lot better today," Daniel commented, sitting gently on the edge of the bed. It only prickled slightly when the blanket wrapped tighter around JD's chest.

"I feel better. Carla says my infection is gone, so I guess I'm not sick anymore."

Daniel nodded happily. "When can you come home? I've missed you." He picked up JD's hand and kissed it softly. JD felt his entire face turn red; he glanced around quickly to see that no one was paying attention to his room. "What, are you still embarrassed about me, Johnny?" JD spun his head back to Daniel, but his friend looked more amused than upset.

"I'm not embarrassed." Another blatant lie, and Daniel knew it.

"Come on, I know you better than that." He still appeared perfectly calm and happy.

JD sighed. "I just...don't want everyone knowing about us, because...it would change the way they see me at work." He wasn't quite sure what he said was the truth, but it sounded good to his own ears. Hopefully, Daniel would feel the same.

Daniel's smile seemed to grow. "I thought you might feel that way. Listen, I wasn't going to tell you until you got out of here, but I got you a job working at the college."

He paused waiting for a reaction, but JD was speechless.

"It's pays a little less than you get now, but you don't have to work crazy hours anymore. And you don't have to work with a bunch of assholes. In fact, it's mostly paperwork and filing and things like that: office work. It's even in my department, so we could see each other all the time."

JD felt his entire face burning red as he replied, "I like my job."

Daniel just stared at him.

"I want to be a doctor."

JD realized his mistake when he was backhanded across the face.

"Johnny...you don't know what you want, you're so messed up right now," Daniel frantically reassured him. He was standing now. "I'm going to take care of you, remember?"

"It's the meds," JD murmured. His head must have been all fuzzy from the morphine to say such stupid things. But the sinking feeling wouldn't go away; he didn't actually want to leave his job.

"God, we need to get you out of here," Daniel declared, sitting back down and retaking JD's hand. "How long did you say it would be?"

JD shrugged a little. "Until I can walk around."

"Are your legs hurt?" Daniel seemed skeptical.

"No, my ribs...they can't really take the pressure right now. I'll be good, maybe in a couple of days." He knew, though, that he wouldn't be fit for physical activity, or work, for several weeks after that. "I'll come home then."

Daniel smiled sweetly at him, and was bending down close just as Carla entered the room. Daniel backed away innocently and JD begged his face to turn back to its normal color.

"JD," Carla began, looking flustered. "Dr. Cox has requested that you don't have any visitors until he gets back on duty at nine. I told him that Mr...um..." She looked at Daniel expectantly.

"Jackson," he offered.

"I told him that Mr. Jackson was already here visiting, so he said he'd be coming in early. He's on his way." She seemed bewildered by her own news. Daniel just looked furious.

"I can't believe this," Daniel said sharply under his breath. Carla looked at him apologetically.

"I'm sorry, sir. Dr. Cox can be...oddly demanding at times." She put a hand on his arm. "But we all appreciate what you did for JD; you saved his life by bringing him in here."

"JD, yeah," Daniel replied, giving JD an odd look. "I'll just go and come back tomorrow. During the famous Dr. Cox's shift." He gave JD one last annoyed look and left without saying goodbye.

Carla sighed. "Sorry about this JD. I don't know what Dr. Cox thinks he's doing cutting you off from visitors; other than Mr. Jackson, the only people visiting you already work here anyway."

JD tried to smile nonchalantly, but his face still felt like it was beet red. "It's no big deal."

"Do you feel awake enough to have more visitors?" Carla asked hopefully. "Turk gets out of surgery in fifteen minutes and he'll be thrilled to hear you're awake. Think you can stay awake that much longer?"

She was smiling at her own joke, but JD's mind was elsewhere. "Dr. Cox is going to be here soon?"

Carla's smile faded when she saw the fear in JD's eyes. "So he'll give you another lecture, so what?" she told him. "You've been yelled at by Dr. Cox a million times before, and it'll happen a million more times." She narrowed her eyes at him. "You used to enjoy it. Why is this any different?"

He smiled awkwardly and shook his head. "It's no different. I guess I'm just not feeling up to it today. But yeah, I'd love to see Turk later." Carla left and JD was left alone to dread Dr. Cox's visit.

He basted in his fear all during Turk's visit. It seemed like forever since he and Turk had had a real conversation – it had only been about two weeks – and their conversation was stiff and painfully long. Turk kept trying to make light jokes, but he never took his eyes off of JD's bandages, the bruises on his face, the beeping monitor beside the bed. JD tried to respond and make jokes of his own, but his mind was completely filled with the dread of Dr. Cox's imminent visit and Daniel's bubbling anger.

"So," Turk began after a long, awkward silence, "I bought a box-set ofGood Times, but you know how Carla doesn't like to watch television for more than a few hours at a time, so I need someone to watch it with me. Whaddya say?"

The hopeful and afraid expression on Turk's face made JD want to shoot himself. He couldn't stand to see his friend like this.

"Sure I'll watch it with you," JD told him, hoping with all his heart that he could somehow find time to spend a day with Turk. Maybe when he was stuck at home and bored while Daniel was at work...maybe he could get away for a while.

Turk's face lit up. "Feel better soon, man. I love you."

JD grinned back at him. It feel oddly satisfactory to hear that.

Even though JD knew that Dr. Cox had to have been in the hospital from around eight a.m., JD wasn't visited by him the entire time he was awake. JD was mostly relieved by this, but he also felt neglected as a patient. Eventually his ribs started aching and he called a nurse in to up his morphine a bit. He eventually fell into an uncomfortable sleep.