"Sorry it's so late. I thought I'd find you in the kitchen." Bel said when she opened the door to her rooms for him.
Cherry waved him in. "I was chased out by all the good intentions and sidelong looks."
Her Spartan sitting room was cold despite the fire in the hearth and she was wrapped in a blanket.
"I'm sorry for pushing you. I will not press you about Eleri." Bel said as he knelt to add another log to the fire.
Cherry sank onto a chair. "I can't stop thinking about her now. It's like I just lost her again."
In the light of the fire he could make out her red rimmed eyes and red nose. Her hair hung in lifeless hunks around her face.
"I have nothing left of her." Cherry's voice cracked with emotion.
Cherry started sobbing and slid off the chair to cower on the ground. Bel sat next to her and pressed a clean white handkerchief into her hand. Cherry stiffened at first then sagged against him. Between sobs that robbed her of breath she told him of the nightmare that started the day she and Bernd were given their last quarter's pay.
"The Lord who employed All of us, Bern, his father, and I, had married off his last daughter and was returning to the country." Cherry closed her eyes tightly and turned her face into his chest. He muttered something soothing and pressed a handkerchief into her hand. She squeezed it tightly and it let her find a bit of calm. "The senior staff, like my father in law, was given a pension. Not enough to live in Petra mind you, but who could afford a small house in a town. Bernd and I got just our pay.
"Bernd could hold money about as well as he could hold the air so I kept most of it hidden away. Not very smart of me." Cherry sniffed.
"No, it was wise of you. You had a daughter to consider."
"My little baby. She was so precious."
Bel wiped her cheeks with the soft fabric of his sleeve. "She must have been a perfect little angel. Did you take her for a ride on Clove?"
"Every day. It was the last time I saw her. I was busy that afternoon so that morning I took her for a ride just as sun came up."
"It was must have been lovely."
"It was. I thought things were going to be better. Bernd said he was going to take her to the market and let her pick out a ribbon. I thought maybe he was trying to be a father. I gave him a bit extra so he could buy a bread end to feed the ducks. She loved the ducks, called them quackers."
"Daril did to. He wanted one as a pet so badly." Bel said awkwardly.
"I should have known. He never acted like that before."
"Shh, you just said it. He never acted like that, you couldn't know he was planning something so hateful."
"But I knew it was strange."
"Cherry, if he couldn't do it that day he would just pick another." Bel said with weary certainty. "I've seen that type before."
"But if I had sent her to the country like he wanted, to a child minder, it wouldn't have happened." Cherry started to sob again. Bel just held her close and kept assuring her it wasn't her fault until the rain of tears eased, leaving her exhausted and deadened inside.
"I don't know what happened after that. At least I don't remember but I heard it at court. The neighbour, a cobbler whose wife would watch Eleri when I was out, came when he heard a screaming."
"What did he see?"
"He said that Bernd was trying to stop me from killing myself. He said that I deserved to die for what I did to Eleri."
"He's the one that accused you of killing Eleri?"
Cherry shook her head. "That was Bernd."
"I thought you had already killed him when the guards showed."
"No…Not yet. I woke up to a strange man leaning close. He was shaking me and asking me where Eleri was. Saying he wanted to save her. He did, he hoped she would be found alive. That I had bungled it. When Bernd saw I was awake he just stared at me. He said nothing but I could Feel everything he was thinking. I always could, that wasn't strange, but that time I knew I wasn't imagining things or going mad. And I did more than feel, I could see what he was feeling about. He had taken Eleri to the ducks at the river and drowned her. He held her under the water just enough she couldn't breathe but he could see her eyes."
"He's a monster." Bel ground out.
"I never knew how bad he was. I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me. But I should have known, right? That's what empaths do."
"That's what trained empaths do." Bel corrected. "But you had no way of sorting the feelings of within and those without. It is very hard to many to learn in truth. But also he may have been calmer, I have heard of case where mad killers go calm when they decide to murder. It would give you nothing to sense."
"Well, I didn't act like a good empath when I burned him." Cherry wished she could believe his assurances. "I couldn't move. My head was bleeding from where he hit me with my own pestle. And he stabbed me."
"You did. Empaths are not supposed to forgive everyone. Talia has killed before and she would do it again. She'd tell you that when you find that mad dog cruelty in a man the world is better with him dead because no one is safe with him alive. As for burning him, it is the easiest thing a mage can do. I wager you were already practicing with it in the kitchen. It would have become a tool that came as easily to your hand as a knife or sword does to mine."
"The guards started screaming and tried to put out the fire. One told the man kneeling next to me to just let me go. He said no. I still don't understand why. He saw me kill."
"Didn't you hear him testify?"
"No."
"He told the court he was suspicious when he realised your blood flowed to the back of the dress. He didn't see it until you created that fire. He swore before the court that he knew from experience that blood only flowed down hill. It ran down your cheek from your head so you were upright for some of that. So it had to come before the wounds to your torso which happened when you were lying down."
"I didn't use empathy on him then?"
"No, you didn't. He knew his stuff. It is exactly the sort of evidence I look for. There was no way you were committing suicide when that cobbler walked in. You nearly died because he waited to investigate thinking it was just a man's business with his wife." Bel explained. "As far as I am concerned, the biggest crime is that you were tried in the first place. If you'd been here you would've never been a suspect."
It felt good to know that Bel had no doubts about her, even if she did have doubts about herself.
"I didn't have to kill him. I could've just…"
"Just gone to Eleri?" Bel finished after a moment.
"I couldn't go to her. I don't know where she is. He pushed her into the water and then just let it take her."
"I thought they found the body."
"They said they did." Cherry's throat tightened and the tears started anew. "But I never saw her. I only heard it at the trial months later. I never…"
"Do you need anything?" Bel asked after a long awkward silence.
Cherry shook her head.
"I'll get you some water. I have some drops I picked up at the Healers. They can help you sleep. Would you like some?"
Cherry hesitated.
"It just makes you sleepy." Bel promised. "It is used on Gifted with nightmares. It will keep you from hurting anyone if you have a nightmare."
"How did you know about the nightmares?"
"Because having nightmares is how your mind tries to understand terrible events. It's why you haven't slept since Clove died. I know you well enough you would rather go mad than risk hurting anyone so I figured you were forcing yourself to stay awake."
"Are you sure I won't hurt anyone?" Cherry asked.
"I am absolutely certain. I can stay if you like."
"You'll use your magic to stop me?"
"If that is what you want, I will stay and stand guard."
The next morning she awoke in her bed, still clothed but under the sheets. Next to her Bel was sprawled on top of the sheets, snoring slightly. She could vaguely recall some dreams but they weren't terrible. The drops must
Beyond him Kethry stood with the big white bird on her shoulder, looking unamused.
Cherry growled and pulled the blanket over her head. Her head ached and her stomach was queasy from the emotional breakdown.
A clink of pottery made her pull the blankets back quickly. Kethry had the jug of wash up water and was about to dump it on Bel.
"Don't you dare." Cherry growled. "I am not sleeping on wet feathers because you are being prudish."
"Prudish?" Kethry gasped.
Bel stirred, blinked sleepily at Kethry, realized she was armed, and bolted off the bed like a rabbit.
"If I take lovers, it is not your business." Cherry slid from the bed, adjusted her clothing, and took the water from Kethry. "Why are you here?"
"He pecked on my window this morning and demanded I find you for breakfast." Kethry glared at Bel who was trying to inch around her to the door. Kethry put her hand on her sword, this time she was wearing riding leathers. Bel stopped at the silent threat.
"I have a sparring session with Aunt Kero today. You're invited too." Kethry addressed Bel with a glare. "You need to work off those desserts."
Bel stared into the distance for a moment. "I will see you there then, Lady Kethry. I am glad you can join us for court dinner tonight."
"I what?" Kethry gaped at him.
Bel saluted them and slipped out the door.
"I don't want to attend court tonight." Kethry complained to Cherry.
"Then don't go challenging powerful people." Cherry stripped to her shift and splashed her face and arms with the cool water. Normally she warmed the water with a bit of magic but this time she couldn't muster the energy for it. "And nothing happened. You need to be naked for that."
Kethry looked uncertain. "Well… I wouldn't know."
Cherry shook her head. She had to learn the hard way, too. "Trust me on this, clothing gets in the way."
"So… you aren't pregnant now, right?" Kethry looked uncertain.
"Oh, blessed lady." Cherry muttered. "No. First, you do not get pregnant every time. Second, there are ways to prevent that I would have used if he was my lover."
"You can prevent it?" Kethry sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes were huge with curiosity. Aya flapped to the foot of the bed where he perched on the footboard.
:Cherry berry?: Aya said hopefully.
"Why didn't they tell me?" Kethry groused.
"To keep your legs closed. And it is never a certainty."
"Huh. Well, I better go. Can ask you more later?"
"Can I stop you?" Cherry asked.
Kethry considered it. "Well, I could ask mother, but she will have kittens." Kethry gave Aya a pat then hurried off after Bel.
"I'll feed you just as soon as I bathe." Cherry promised the bird.
:Bath?: Aya said and fluffed his feathers.
An hour later Cherry rested her head on the table as the damp bird alternated between grooming her hair and his feathers. Already, his bowl of cherry preserves was empty.
:Pretty berry.: Aya said happily.
"Cherry." She corrected, again.
Aya fluttered his feathers, causing a few to fall out, and chirped a greeting.
"Why is Aya here?" Princess Elspeth asked from the door.
"He was hungry." Cherry raised her head. "And apparently he needed a bath."
Elspeth stroked Aya. "You have fresh berries?"
"Of course." Cherry stood. "Dried berries just don't work the same in my recipes. But he likes preserves, too."
:Good Berry.: Aya said to them both.
"Cherry." She corrected.
Elspeth laughed.
:Bad bird no take feathers here.: Aya continued. :Warm. Good place.:
"Is he saying he intends to make this a regular thing?" Cherry asked.
"Probably. He's Firesong's Bondbird. They both have a knack for seeing to their comforts. Is it a problem?"
"No, unless I have to leave out some major work." Cherry stood. "Are you here to tell me it's time to leave?"
"The weather probably won't hold. K'Vaia is on the shore of Lake Evendim and if you are adventurous, you could make it before the next major snow storm."
Cherry grimaced. "I hate snow."
"Don't blame you." Elspeth said. "You have some berry in your hair. It's actually a little pink…"
Cherry held the stained lock out. It wasn't just a little tinged; it was as pink as a sunset. "He loves the preserved cherries. No seeds."
:Pretty Berry.: Aya approved of the pink streak.
Princess Elspeth chuckled. "I doubt Firesong would agree with you, Aya."
"I am not a good rider. How far is it?" Cherry asked.
"About a six week journey."
"And you don't think there will be a storm between now and then? There is already snow on the ground."
"Usually the major snow storms come after Midwinter. It would be a cold journey. But if one does appear you'll be warned and you'll be able to take shelter at an inn. At the border you'll be met by a contingent of Taylderas scouts who will make certain you aren't in danger at any time, just uncomfortable at worst."
"I'd rather delay." Cherry admitted as she tucked the pink hair behind one ear. "However, I suspect you think it would be better to have us gone."
"The sooner you start training, the happier I am." Princess Elspeth admitted. "But I am thinking more about Lady Kethry. Her father caved to her plans but her mother is still protesting."
Cherry offered her arm to Aya, who gracefully accepted it. "I would rather Lady Dierna accept Kethry should go than cause a rift. But I can understand. Kethry will be gone for several years, and I suspect there is some danger. No matter what you or the Tayledras promise."
"No more than traveling back home." Princess Elspeth protested.
"That is not the same. Going home she would be protected by her parents. Here she is being sent off with me." Cherry corrected her. "Ask your own mother how she would feel about that."
Cherry moved Aya to an upturned stool in the corner and cleaned up his meal.
"I'm sorry, you're right." Princess Elspeth said after a moment. "Gwena assures me you aren't lingering for Bel's sake so Kethry must be your main reason to staying. If necessary Kethry can travel later, after she has gained her mother's approval."
"What is between Bel and I is none of your business, Princess." Cherry said chillily. "I will think on it."
Cherry left her before Elspeth could try to persuade her again and headed into the main kitchen to collect the bread for her and her assistants for the day. She expected Princess Elspeth to vanish again before she returned but she was still leaning against the center table. "Is there something else, Princess?"
"Just Herald Elspeth." She corrected.
Cherry refrained from rolling her eyes.
"I wanted to say that you have excellent control and there is no need to block your gifts." Princess Elspeth said.
Cherry felt a wave of relief. "Thank you."
"But that said, you did lose control before and it cost someone their life." Elspeth continued. "There is a chance it could happen again."
Cherry put the bread on the centre table and fetched the butter and vegetables from her cold room. There was nothing she could say in defense of Bernd's death. Burning alive had to be one of the cruelest ways to kill. She couldn't even promise it would never happen again since she knew it could.
"I will see what can be done to change Dierna's mind. Hopefully she will see the wisdom of getting her properly trained." Elspeth said.
Cherry refused to meet her eyes. She wasn't being asked to go, they were demanding it as nicely as possible.
"I'd appreciate it if you can keep an eye on Kethry." Elspeth straightened. "She's been very upset on your behalf."
"Her control is not good." Cherry agreed.
"No, it's not. But you are remarkably sensitive so you can call her on it. I wish I was as sensitive. It would come in hand teaching students."
Cherry sliced the vegetables. "You can't feel it? I admit that the glowing thing under the palace is distracting but she's not even remotely subtle."
"You can sense the Heartstone?"
"I can. It is almost like a node, but different." Cherry dumped the vegetables in a bowl. "Sorry, I need to finish this or we eat nothing but sweets all day and that can eat into the bottom line."
"Not a problem. Can you touch the Heart stone?"
"No clue, and I am not going to try. I know what happens to mages who try that without training. They become living bonfires, like in that song, The Burning Heart. I like fire, but I have no desire to be one."
"That's a blessing." Princess Elspeth looked speculative. "Can you sense mages who aren't using their gifts?"
"I think so, but I don't know for certain. I can sense you. It's like you have a humming egg around you. It looks sort of like an egg made of glass."
Cherry added the vegetables to the copper pot on the stove, it was filled with beef stock she was heating.
"You are preparing lunch for the kitchen help? I thought it was traditional for them to see to their own first meals."
"A full belly results in smaller servings when they are dishing out dessert, which saves coin." Cherry explained. "And a healthy meal seems to give them energy for the day."
"I may have to sneak in for lunch." Bel said from the door. He was freshly bathed and had a leather folder that was bulging under one arm. "Herald Elspeth."
She returned his greeting.
"What is this?" Princess Elspeth asked and extended her hand to receive the folder.
"Oh, this is nothing important." Bel said to Princess Elspeth.
"Alright, I got it, not my business." Princess Elspeth sounded amused. "I was just telling Mistress Cherry we were not going to block her gift."
"But that they would still like me out of town immediately." Cherry said with a forced smile. "Did Kethry corner you again?"
"She did. She's very good. You should spar with her, Elspeth."
Cherry smiled slightly, this time it was genuine. She knew Kethry would love to test herself against Captain Kerowyn's prize student.
"Kero suggested it. Perhaps I will catch her in the salle, I am heading there now." Elspeth smiled knowingly.
Cherry waited until Elspeth was gone to speak.
"She thinks we are lovers."
"She won't speculate. At least not to others." Bel assured her. "I brought you everything the Rethwellan court sent me when I asked for information on you."
Cherry frowned at the folder. "Why?"
"The court records they sent were all the original papers. Some of them are ones they collected from your rooms."
He opened the folder and pulled out a single, tattered sheet of linen paper. He set it on the table.
"What is it?" Cherry asked without reaching for it.
"It is the birth record for Eleri."
Cherry clung to the table. "I remember it. I insisted we get one so she could never be called a bastard."
"I know it isn't much, but I thought you would want it." Bel said uncertainly.
Cherry carefully picked it up.
It was more joy than pain to have the piece of paper in her hands. "Born this day, in the City of Petra, Eleri, daughter of Bernd Ciscan, age 23 at last birthday, occupation cook and Cherry Ciscan, age 16 at last birthday, occupation sweet cook. In the name of the King, she is to be granted all the rights, privileges, and responsibilities of a citizen of Rethwellan." Cherry read until her vision was obscured by tears.
Bel leaned over her shoulder and finished reading it for her. "There is an addendum to record her death. Eleri, age 4 and 5 months, daughter of Cherry, is dead from most heinous murder at the hands of Bernd Ciscan who was killed in perpetration of the crime." Bel paused. "The death is certified by an Inquisitor of the Dead, a special type of Healer."
"It doesn't say much, does it?" Cherry smoothed the paper.
"The folder says a great deal more, most of it is speculative. I can't believe they actually accepted some of it in a court of justice." Bel said indignantly.
Cherry wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank you."
Bel returned her embrace. "I'm glad it helps."
"It is more than I dreamed of ever having." Cherry released him and returned to the paper. "Is it strange to feel some joy at this?"
Bel set a crisp white fold of cloth next to her. "No. I have to go meet the Seneschal now. Will I see you tonight?"
Cherry smiled up at him. "I would be pleased if you did. Oh, let me get you something to please the Seneschal."
Armed with a plate of tiny cakes Bel finally left.
Cherry used his handkerchief to wrap the folded certificate and tucked it into her bodice next to her heart.