The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfishes Adventures
Formint Raveen
I just realized that this whole time, I haven't been writing disclaimers! So . . .
I don't own the Legend Of Zelda The Lion King, and all the other things mentioned in this story. And I didn't come up with these things. Or did I? Hee hee hee hee hee . . .
It is morning. It has finally stopped snowing and the sun is just coming up over the horizon.
Red Simba: HHAAAAAAAAAAASATVETNAAAAA BABALHETSINAWAH! (Yeah I did)
Link: Wha-wha . . . ? YOU WOKE ME UP FROM MY AMAZING DREAM, RETARD!
Red Simba: well it's dawn! And the sun is coming up! You aren't having another creepy fantasy including Romani, are you?
Link: Erm, noooooo.
Red Simba: You know what? I don't think I wanna know.
Link: you, um, don't.
Romani: So where are we headed, Red Simba?
Link: GAAH! How long have you been up!?
Romani: A while now, Grasshopper!
Link: Umm . . . did you hear me earlier?
Romani: Not really. Romani definitely heard Red Simba though . . .
Link: Didn't we all . . . hey Romani, I'm starving. Do you have any food or something? Did you buy some last night?
Romani: Yes! I'll l get some out . . .
Romani pulls out a jar of ChuChu Jelly and some bread.
Link: Food! Well, I guess it can be used as food . . .
Link starts eating like a dog. Or a Moblin, I guess. Ha ha. Joke funny.
Red Simba: we are going to a place called Formint Raveen. There -
Link: *eating loudly* Wait! *munch* I've heard *chew chew* your Formint *munch* Raveen! It's Forest Haven,*munch* retard!
Red Simba: I MEAN WHAT I MEAN, AND WHAT I MEAN I SAID! And chew with your mouth closed, you little scamp!
Link swallows his food, but he chokes. Romani slaps Link on the back really hard. Then he coughs out a bunch of gross stuff.
Red Simba: Ha! You deserve that!
Suddenly a bottle hits Link's head.
Link: Doh! *heheheheh sound familiar to anyone?*
A seagull flies down to Link.
Link: Get off you stupid bird! I hate seagulls!
Link slaps the seagull away. It screeches in annoyance and pain. Then it starts attacking him.
Link: OWW - OOOOH - DOH - STOP YA LITTLE MONSTER - GET OFF - MAKE IT STOP - OWCH! NOO! DON'T YOU DARE! OWWIE! NOT MY CLOTHES! GET OOOOOOOOOFFFFFF!
Link kicks the seagull and it flies off with his sleeve. Link curses and notices the bottle.
Link: What's this junk?
Link takes off the cork and pulls out a piece of paper.
Link: *reading it aloud* Dear big brother, please get me out of here! The other people in this cell with me are insane! Just hurry up, big bro! And don't reply to this message or I'll be found out! Love, Aryll.
Link puts the paper in his mouth and swallows it.
Romani: What the . . . why did you eat that, Grasshopper?
Link: I don't know. I just wanted to. I felt like it.
Romani: So what are you gonna do about your sister, Grasshopper?
Link: I'll think about it . . . but that money is the first priority!
Romani: Grasshopper, Romani really needs to talk with you about your relationship with your sister. It's frightening.
Link is about to say something, but Red Simba cuts in (ruining the moment as usual).
Red Simba: We are here! We are at Formint Raveen!
Link: Just stop pronouncing every *beep* word wrong, retard! It's Forest Haven!
Red Simba: Shut it, moron!
Forest Haven is pretty much a big stupid-looking tree of an island. Across from it is another tree that looks twisted and less stupid. Both of these trees are covered in ice and snow. But Red Simba steers himself towards the stupid-looking one.
Red Simba: Now get out, fools. Find a guy called the Duke Tree.
Link and Romani get out of their little retarded companion and don't even bother correcting him. Link sees something bobbing through the water.
Link: Hey! It's a Beedle Shop Ship! Let's go in!
Romani: Woah . . . sounds pretty cool . . .
They go into the ship shop. Inside is a sad, probably crazy guy sitting on a wet blanket near a little counter.
Link: Wow . . . this is the great Shop Ship!? This is it!?
Beedle: Oh, a victim - I mean, um, dinner - I mean, um, customer, yah! Welcome to my - my sh-shop ship, yah, mon! What do you want to buy, mon?
Link: Why is this place such a *beep* dump? I'm done with you, wretch!
Beedle: N-no! Mother can't be disappointed in me, nah, man . . .umm, we have a p-prize for you, mon, if you - umm - buy thirty items, yah! A silver membership! So BUY BUY BUY, MON!
Link: A prize, you say?
Link buys thirty things.
Link: Gimme the prize! Now!
Beedlie: OK . . . YOU ARE SOOOOOOOO GREAT, MON! I LOVE YOU AND STUFF, YAH! GOOD JOB! And that is all, mon.
Link: That's it?
Beedle: Yah!
Link: *growls* That's it?
Beedle: Um , yah, mon . . .
Link: *screeches* THAT'S ALL?!
Beedle: YAH, YAH YAH YAH, MON! Sheesh, brah mon!
Link punches Beedle in the head and he faints. Link takes all of Beedle's money and his money back, along with his useless junk. Then they go out of the shop shirt or ship shop and drop the Rupees and stuff off in Red Simba. Then they go up a hill thing. Nothing bothers them because it is almost Christmas, most people are watching A Christmas Story or something else Christmasy. The come up to what should have been a river, but it was frozen solid.
Link:*whines* Uuuuuh . . . I hate ice skating!
Romani: it isn't that bad, Grasshopper!
Romani jumps on to the ice lightly and glides across like a master.
Romani: Follow meeeee!
Link jumps on to the ice and falls face first on to the ice.
Link: Doh!
Link gets up and slip slides across the icy little river while Romani skates perfectly across. Who knows how you skate in boots, but this is Romani. And things can happen with her, as we know. Link somehow manages to slide across to the side where Romani is waiting impatiently for Link.
Romani: Finally, Grasshopper!
They go into a cave entrance where the frozen water is coming from. Inside, it feels peaceful. There is a huge tree in the middle.
Link: AAAAAH! IT HAS A HIDEOUS FACE!
Suddenly red and green blobs pop ups on the trees face. The tree starts crying and shaking it's head like an idiot.
Romani: Awwww . . . the tree hurts, Grasshopper! Save it!
Link:*in deep smooth voice* anything for you, bebe!
Romani: What?
Link:*normal* Ummm . . . nothin'.
Link rolls into the tree and the blobs fall off. They are ChuChus! Link slices them to bits. But not without losing some stuff . . .
Link: Oh, yeah! Check my - what's wrong, Romani?
Romani is looking away from Link.
Romani: Ummm . . . You might not wanna look down, Grasshopper.
Link: What is - YIIIIIIIII!
Link's clothes are gone! Oh no . . .
Link: Oh no . . . I'm gonna die of embarrassment. . . how'd that happen?! WHY YOU STUPID AUTHOR?!
Author: Ummm . . . Link forgets about the author forever!
Link forgets about the author forever. So anyways . . .
The tree looks down at Link.
Link: No, no, no! Look away, ya stupid tree! I don't have any clothes on!
Deku Tree: I know. Hey, you children of de forest! Koroks! Come out my little woodbabies! It's a naked child! Bring your pictographs out!
Ugly tree stump things with masks walk out from behind the tree and they all laugh at Link.
Link: Make it stop . . . and why is this so funny anyways!?
Deku Tree: it just is! We haven't seen one in a few thousand years! Hahahahaha! Loser!
Link faints of embarrassment.
Deku Tree: Someone take him to Hollo's room or something. Anyone?
None of the Koroks seem very eager to take Link to Hollo's room or something.
Random Korok: But sir, it is a naked child!
Deku Tree: You were just cracking up at the idea of this!
Random Korok: But still, sir!
The Deku Tree sighs.
Deku Tree: Fine. Just leave him. We'll wake him up soon. But don't laugh too much.
Random Korok: Yes sir!