AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.

AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing.

AN3: The story is rated T but some chapters will be rated M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat.

AN4: Thank you so much for the kind reviews. They are very appreciated and inspire me to keep working on this story.

Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.

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Though Donna was standing clearly agitated in front of her, Emily couldn't help but flashback to the morning in that Pittsburgh hotel room when they decided to bring their relationship out into the public for the first time…

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Lying in their hotel room after the wedding, JJ had told Emily that she just wanted to grab a little breakfast at her parent's house the next day, say their goodbyes, and then head for home. JJ's family was to gather at the Jareau household around 10 a.m. for a post-nuptial breakfast and to watch Paul and Courtney open their wedding gifts though they didn't plan on staying for that. JJ was exhausted and had already asked Emily to make the long drive back. Emily held JJ and let her talk and rant while she listened to her and rubbed her back.

"JJ, you seem to have a good relationship with your father. Why doesn't he ever tell your mother to back off?" Emily said finally asking a question that she'd been wondering about all weekend.

"He does. Not often but sometimes. I think he knows that I can handle it. That she's made me tougher. She's been exceptionally rough this weekend and I think it's because of the wedding. I should have expected it and maybe your being here wasn't a good idea after all."

"Well, I'm glad I was here. I would hate for you to have gone through this by yourself, love. Something tells me she would have been the same or maybe worse and you would have been alone."

"My dad also has his own reasons for not saying too much to her including the fact he'd like me home too. He's just understands a little more than she does and he is proud of me and what I, what we, do for a living. We've talked about it. He knows she's hard on me. But he's hard on my brothers and my mother never tells him to back off of them. I guess it's just something they both feel compelled to do and don't really question. It's the way they were raised. I also think he has his own relationship to protect. He and my mom actually have a great marriage. Even after 35 years of marriage, they still truly love each other."

"But it still sucks. I can tell he is proud of you and everything that you've accomplished. That he knows that you're more than just a pretty face." Emily said before adding, "JJ, you know you're more than just a pretty face to me too, right?"

"Of course I do, Em"

"I almost feel bad for all the times I've told you were beautiful," Emily said only half joking. She always knew it made JJ a little embarrassed; now she knew why.

"Don't stop," JJ whispered in the dark, "you're the only one I want to hear it from. You're the only one that matters."

Emily shifted so she was above JJ and began to kiss her. JJ may have kissed her back but it wasn't with the same passion as normal. "You okay, Jayj?"

"I'm not really in the mood, Em. I'm sorry. I'm just so tired."

"Its okay, Jen," Emily said. She wasn't used to JJ turning down her advances but she did understand. Emily could tell JJ had a lot churning within that night. Emily kissed her good night, told JJ that she loved her, and wrapped her in her arms to sleep.

Unfortunately, JJ didn't sleep. Emily felt JJ get in and out of bed all night and could hear her pacing around. And even when she was in bed she could feel her tossing and turning. Emily tried to hold her but JJ only wanted to be held so much and had pushed Emily away more than once.

In the morning JJ looked exhausted as she got up and made her way to the shower. The last time Emily had remembered JJ looking like this was back in Georgia at the Henkel house. Emily wished they didn't have to go back to the Jareau's. She just wanted to get JJ home. Home where Emily knew JJ wouldn't feel like the ground under her was shifting below her feet.

JJ emerged from the shower wrapped in a towel and walked over to where Emily sat on the bed. She actually had a smile on her face and looked a hundred percent better than before she got in.

"It's nice to see you smiling," Emily said

"I came to a conclusion while I was in the shower," was JJ's reply

"Oh yeah? What was that?"

"I love you,"

"You needed a shower to come to that conclusion?"

"No. I needed a shower to realize that I'm a disappointment to my mother because she thinks that I've given up on the idea of love and family. That I've chosen work over a man and settling down." JJ said as she sat on Emily's lap. "I came to the conclusion that I need her to know that I haven't necessarily done that. That I have everything I need and want…with you."

JJ kissed Emily and then continued, "I want to tell my family about you…about us. I…"

"Jayj, are…"

"Em, hear me out. All night long I've thought about my relationship with my mother, with both of them actually. How I am never going to be who she wants me to be so I might as well be myself. She won't respect me any less – I doubt she could – and maybe, just maybe, she might actually respect me more."

"What about your father, JJ? Won't he be upset by this too?"

"Emily, I'm not doing this to hurt or upset either of them. I love them both, I really do. This is more about making me happy…you make me happy. And I want to let them know that. I want to let them know they are never going to get what they want. I am never coming back home to East Allegheny to build a life. I have a life…and that life is with you. They are just going to have to learn to accept it if they still want me to be a part of their lives. All of them. I'm not sure how my brothers are going to feel about this either – it's never been discussed. Nobody knew about Kate or any of the others. This will be a shock for all of them."

Emily waited for JJ to take a breath. She was not expecting to find out that she was going to be outed by her girlfriend to her girlfriend's family...today.

"Jennifer, are you sure you want to do this? Once it's out there, there is no taking it back. It might make a bad situation that much worse."

"Don't you support me in this decision?"

"Of course I do. I support you, but I just want to let you know it won't be easy."

"You told your mother you were gay and she accepted it."

"Yes, well, it was painfully obvious. I was on my knees, naked from the waist up, and going down on my girlfriend at the time. Trust me, she learned real fast that surprise visits to New Haven and not knocking before entering my apartment were both bad ideas. I was a young, rebellious college student. I know she hoped I was just experimenting but when it became clear I wasn't, she eventually dealt with it. It took her a long while to 'accepted' it though, Jayj. It bothered her for a long time but she's also smart enough to know that it's my life and I was going to do with it as I please."

"I'm not fooling myself. I know it's going to be tough, Emily. And I know they're going to be both hurt and surprised but I'm done hearing this particular argument from my mother. It's time for her to learn another one"

"Okay, JJ, if this is really what you want, I'll be right by your side. I love you," Emily said bringing her lips to JJ's and giving her a kiss, which JJ happily returned this time.

Breaking apart for a second, JJ opened her towel and said. "I love you too, Em. I'm sorry I turned you down last night. Let me make it up to you."

"You might need another shower afterwards, my love" Emily said flipping JJ onto the bed and moving to position herself on top of her.

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"Emily, have you even heard a word that I have said!" Donna said loudly

"What?" Emily said suddenly brought out of the memory of that morning

"I've been talking to you for the last couple of minutes and you haven't heard a thing that I've said, have you?"

"Sorry. I was just thinking about that morning."

"You mean the morning when my only daughter decided to crush me and her father?"

"Why? Because she told you she was in love. That she was the happiest she'd ever been? That she'd finally found what she was looking for?"

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After getting ready and packing to head home, the two lovers headed back to East Allegheny for a stop at the Jareau home. Emily asked JJ to stop for a second when they approached the high school that JJ had attended. The small athletic stadium was right off the main parking lot. Emily got out and walked up to the fence to look out onto the field.

"Is this where you played?" Emily asked when JJ followed her to the fence

"Yes. It's a small high school but sports are important here. For lots of kids like me, it's their only way to get into college. Last I heard we've had more than 30 alumni get full or partial athletic scholarships – mostly in football. You can imagine how intense the pressure is to succeed here; everyone always pushing you to be the best if not for you then so their kid can have success and attract scouts. So we may not have had the latest in academic resources available to us but we had a hell of a nice stadium. It's small but it has all the amenities." JJ said looking out onto the scene of a lot high school triumphs.

"I would have loved to seen you play. I bet you were something to watch…flash,"

"Ah so you've decided to adopt the nickname my dad gave me, have you?" JJ said bumping Emily with her hip in a teasing manner. "I was actually pretty good, I suppose. Fast, hence the nickname. I'm still in the Top 5 in both goals scored and assists. Not bad considering I graduated more than 10 years ago."

"Just think, I could have gone out with the Big Girl on Campus," Emily said

"My father would have probably had you arrested considering you had already graduated college by the time I graduated high school."

Emily smiled widely at JJ. She was happy they had this moment before heading back to JJ's parent's house.

"Probably but it would have been worth it." Emily said as they got back into the car.

"JJ can I ask you a question?" Emily asked before JJ started the engine again.

"Sure"

"The woods. Your nightmares. You really did get lost out there didn't you?"

"Yes"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't like to talk about it"

"Can I ask how old you were?"

"Six. I followed my brothers and their friends out there but they didn't want their little sister tagging along so they tried to lose me. They succeeded and they thought I just turned around and went home. They went back for lunch and, when I wasn't there, they had to tell my parents what happened. The town had to organize a search party. I, um, was lost for about 8 hours or so. It is so easy to get turned around out there especially when you're six; it all looks the same after a while. It was almost dark when they finally found me."

"My god, you must have been so scared."

"I was. I didn't think anyone was ever going to find me."

Emily grabbed JJ's hand, "I'm sorry. Did your parents ever send you to someone to talk about this and your ensuing nightmares?"

"Never told them I was having them. Kyle was the first one that knew and only because it happened sometimes when we fell asleep together. They got stronger in college and after Kate but you've probably noticed they've been happening less often now that we're together. I think anxiety brings them to the surface. It was probably one of the reasons I didn't sleep last night…I was sure one would come once I closed by eyes."

"Jayj, you should have told them. Why do you feel you always have to be so strong?"

JJ started up her car and headed to her parents house without answering

As they drove pass the church Emily understood why they were meeting at 10 a.m. instead of earlier; the parking lot was still full though services had ended a couple of hours earlier.

"JJ, when did you stop going to church?"

"A long time ago. College, I guess. What about you?"

"Maybe even sooner than that for me," replied Emily

Afew minutes later, they arrived at their destination.

"Are you ready for this?" Emily asked as they parked their car in front of the Jareau home and got out.

JJ grabbed Emily's hand and walked through the garden gate.

Everyone greeted them as they walked through the front door. JJ left Emily in the front room with James, Andrew, and Abby where they were watching Paul and Courtney organize the many gifts they had received the day before while she went in to the kitchen to help her mother and Maggie finish breakfast. Knowing what was probably going to happen, Emily was relieved to find out JJ's nephews, Jimmy and Kenny, were still at church with Maggie's parents so they could go to Sunday school. Emily was making small talk with JJ's family for about 10 minutes or so when breakfast was served.

They were all seated and enjoying a nice breakfast. Talk of the wedding and the impending birth of Paul and Courtney's son, Cody Robert, filled the room. Courtney was due in a couple of months so they were going to wait until after their baby was born before taking their honeymoon. Emily looked across the table at JJ and JJ shook her head slightly. Emily read that as a sign that JJ didn't think this was either the time or the place to discuss their relationship and she was going to leave it alone for now.

Until Donna opened her mouth.

Donna was seated at one head of the table next to JJ and she grabbed JJ's hand and said quietly, "Jenny, you don't know how badly I want this for you. To be sitting here the day after your wedding or when you're expecting your first child. To share those happy moments with you. You don't know how much I want you to fall in love and share your life with someone."

Though Donna spoke softly, Emily hadn't missed a word. She was sitting on the other side of Donna directly across from JJ. JJ looked at her again and Emily knew exactly what JJ was going to do. She watched as JJ got up from her chair and walked around Donna to where Emily was seated. Everyone in the room had stopped talking and watched as JJ stood behind Emily and placed her hands on Emily's shoulders.

"I do share my life with someone, momma. I share my life with Emily. Emily is not just a friend…she is my girlfriend and I love her very much."

Emily watched as Donna's face went pale and she heard the clang of James' fork hitting his plate as the piece of silverware he was holding fell from his hand.

For once Donna was at a loss for words and it was James that spoke.

"What did you say, Jennifer?" her father asked

Emily heard JJ swallow hard behind her so she reached across her chest to hold JJ's hand that was resting on her shoulder.

"Daddy, I said I'm in love with Emily. I hope you can understand." JJ said. To Emily's ears, JJ had never sounded so unsure of herself, so childlike.

"Get out!" James said

"Daddy!"

"GET OUT! Both of you." James said rising from his chair. "How dare you bring that into MY house? You disappoint me, Jennifer. Get out of my house." James pounded his fist on the table as an exclamation point to his demand, which made Abby cry. Maggie got up and took her into another room to soothe her.

Emily stood up and instinctively stood in front of JJ to protect her. Donna was sitting at the table crying. Paul and Courtney sat at the table staring down at their plates; avoiding eye contact with everyone. Andrew rose with his father to stand between James and his sister making sure that James didn't get any closer to her.

"Come on, JJ. We'd better leave." Emily said grabbing JJ's hand to pull her towards the door. Emily looked at JJ expecting to see tears and was surprised there were none.

JJ defiantly said, "All weekend long I've had to listen to mom tell me how much she wanted me to settle down, to find someone to make a life with. Well I've done that. It may not be what either of you – or any of you for that matter – can understand, but I want you all to know that I've never been happier in my life than I've been with this woman. And before you go blaming Emily for 'turning me gay', she isn't the first woman I've ever been with but I do intend for her to be the last one. I love this woman with all my heart and, if you plan on me continuing to be part of this family, well you better understand that we come as a package deal now. If not, then I guess this sadly is goodbye. I love you all but my happiness has to come first."

Emily saw the veins in James' neck start to bulge as JJ finally allowed herself to be pulled by Emily out of the house and into the car. Emily started the Mustang and headed out of town watching JJ, out of the corner of her eye, stare stoically out of the window.

Once they were a few miles outside of East Allegheny, Emily pulled the car into a deserted parking lot, pulled JJ to her and let JJ finally cry.

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"She could have told us in a better way, Emily" Donna said

"Tell me, Donna. In what possible way could JJ have told you that would have made that scene any better? I think she did it in the best way she knew how. She laid all the cards on the table all at once."

"She could have told just me and I would have tried to understand. I would have tried to find a way to break it to her father gently."

"Yeah, Donna, because you've always made it easy for JJ to come with you with things, haven't you? You're support is the one thing she has been looking for from you her entire life."

"Life is tough in rural Pennsylvania. To need support is to show weakness."

"Your daughter is the strongest person I've ever met. But her strength is a quiet strength. She doesn't ever ask for help even when she needs it. And that's why she has never told you how much it upsets her that you don't support her. That you haven't supported many of the decisions she has made in her life. She played soccer, and well – you wanted her to be a cheerleader. Her choice to leave home, go to college, join the FBI, me…you haven't supported any of it."

Emily was elated to finally get all the things she'd always wanted to say to Donna out into the open and wasn't about to stop now.

"Until me, JJ never felt she truly had someone 100% behind her – no matter what. And neither did I. We are that for each other. There is nothing that we wouldn't do for each other. Sometimes it feels like it's just us against the world but you know what, that's fine with us because that's how we handle everything…together. I've forgotten that once since we've been together – a long time ago before we had even moved in together – and I swore then, if she took me back, I would never forget again. And I haven't. Not once."

"I've always just wanted what was best for her, Emily."

"And what was that Donna? Your life? She didn't want that. She's never wanted that."

"I have a good life. A decent husband, three gorgeous children, four beautiful grandchildren."

Emily just stared at her

"Five Donna…you have five beautiful grandchildren! Jimmy, Kenny, Abby, Cody, and Henry." Emily said holding up a finger as she named each of Donna's grandchildren. "Jesus Christ, you don't even view Henry as your grandchild do you? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Emily said furiously.

"Emily, lower your voice and don't speak to me that way. I meant to say grandsons…I have four beautiful grandsons and one beautiful granddaughter. I misspoke is all."

"Bullshit, Donna. I know what you meant to say. You forget what it is I do for a living. It's my job to read bullshit."

"Lower your voice," Donna repeated, "Think what you want but I just misspoke. Of course I know that Henry is my grandson."

Emily just stared at Donna trying to read her. She so desperately wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt because to think otherwise would make Donna Jareau a truly evil person. Could she really not think of Henry as her grandson? Regardless of how she felt about Emily, Henry was still carried by her own daughter.

Just then Hotch and Garcia came bursting into JJ's room followed by one of JJ's nurses on their heels.

"What's going on in here?" Hotch said

"We can hear you out in the waiting room." Garcia said at the same time

"I need to ask you two to leave," the nurse added curtly

"I can't leave her. I…"

Emily was stopped mid-sentence as one of JJ's alarms started to sound. They all looked to see was happening and they noticed JJ appeared to be straining to breathe; she had gone from steady breaths on the ventilator to short-rapids ones. Her heart rate had skyrocketed and her skin was starting to take on a bluish color. The nurse quickly hit the alarm above JJ's bed, which signaled she had a patient in distress.

Almost immediately, several more nurses came into JJ's room followed by a young doctor who evidentially was the on-call doctor this afternoon. One of the nurses started to push everyone out the door.

"We need to work on her," she said

Emily didn't want to budge. She wanted to hear everything that was being said. All she could make out were a few phrases, none of which sounded good:

"decreased breath sounds"

"cyanosis"

"blood pressure dropping"

"possible Hemo or Pneumothorax"

"needs chest x-ray to confirm"

"we're losing her"

"We're losing her!" Emily cried to herself. Emily's head was spinning. One minute her and Donna were arguing; the next, she was losing the love of her life. "How is this possible? Hemo what? Thorax? Pneumo? What the fuck was that? Hemo was blood, right?" Emily head was screaming words in rapid succession but the weren't making sense to her.

"What's happening?" Emily yelled

"Page Dr. Harden stat. Tell him Patient Jareau is suffering a possible Hemo or Pneumothorax and we're rushing her to surgery or she's not going to make it," the young doctor instructed one of the nurses. "Have him meet us there as soon as possible."

"What's happening?" Emily yelled again. "Someone tell me what the fuck is happening!"

"You really need to leave, now!" the nurse said again. This time Emily was so stunned she was easily led out of the room by Hotch.

Emily had no sooner left JJ's room than they started to wheel JJ out of her room and take her to the OR.

Emily rushed to JJ's side as they wheeled her down the hall.

"I love you, JJ. Don't you leave me, Jareau. Fight, baby, you fight!! I'm so sorry, Jennifer. I love you. Your son loves you. Please baby, don't leave me." Emily said until they went through the doors marked Hospital Personnel Only and she couldn't continue any further.

Emily leaned up against the wall outside those doors and slid down it.

"Oh my god, what have it done?" was her last thought before succumbing to the tears and anguish that were tearing her apart inside.

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Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review…