Chapter Eleven

Anna stirred ever so slightly in her sleep, regaining her senses slowly. She felt so cosy and comfortable – she was sure she could stay in bed the whole day this way. She stirred once more, and now she felt a soft squeeze around her waist and opened her eyes as she remembered the previous night. She didn't recall falling asleep, but she remembered John's arms around her. She made to turn her head, but he was very close to her – she could feel his slow breaths on her neck and the warmth of his body on her back; she leaned into him, the prospect of him leaving still in her mind, but she didn't cry; there would be no point in crying at all.

Instead, she rested her hand on top of his and breathed in deeply; the days had passed far too fast and now their time had come.

He woke up a few minutes later; they didn't have much time. His smile was sad when he looked at her, and the air seemed almost suffocating to Anna. Soon they were out of the bedroom, preparing to have breakfast, and then he'd be gone.

He had told her parents the night before that he'd be going to London in the morning, and everyone was acting naturally. For the first time, they ate breakfast with everyone around them, but Anna couldn't seem to eat anything. The smell of food was almost too much for her to bear, and she knew it wouldn't need much to have her crying in the middle of the meal. So, she chose to focus on her own food, even though she was having some difficulty doing so.

"Ah, there's a telegram for you, John," she heard her mother saying, handing a note to John.

He thanked her, his voice soft and serious. The smile on his face didn't quite reach his eyes. She watched as he opened the note, feeling rather suffocated. There must be a way. Surely no one would find out if he remained there, as her husband? No, she knew enough of him to know that he would never do such a thing. She breathed in deeply. She couldn't lose control, not now. She couldn't ask him to stay. She'd never ask him to stay. She had nothing to offer him – she was a fallen woman and no man would want anything to do with her. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. That was it. He'd be gone in less than an hour.

She couldn't take the atmosphere anymore, so she ran towards the backdoor without warning; she heard a gasp or two of surprise, but she was outside the door in the blink of an eye; how she hated this situation, how she hated where life led her to; tears fell from her eyes as she tried to recover. She'd be alone.

As if to momentarily contradict her, she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see John's face looking worriedly at her. She tried to smile, feeling a little better – physically rather than emotionally – for the moment, but found that she could not hold her smile.

"Are you alright?"

His question was low, almost a whisper, and she knew he was wondering if she'd be alright – not for the moment, but for the rest of days.

She'd be alright. She had to be.

"I will be," she managed to say, her voice a little hoarse; "I'll be fine. I just... just needed some air."

He nodded, and they stayed for a few seconds alone outside. They couldn't postpone this and she knew it. He kept his arm over her shoulders as they walked back to the house. She leaned into him, marvelled in the feeling of him so close to her, perhaps for the last time ever. She'd miss him so much.

She looked up at John when she felt him stopping suddenly. Thinking it was rather odd, she looked up front, and found her father staring at them with a fierce look, his hand clutching the telegram John had just received. Anna frowned in confusion, looking at her mother and Nellie, but they seemed as confused as she was.

"Would you care to tell me what this is?" her father asked John, taking two steps ahead, "Because I'm a little confused right now."

Anna searched in John's features for any kind of information, but she found none. He seemed nervous and remained silent, and Anna got nervous as well. Her mother and Nellie were eyeing them with curiosity, and her father seemed to be expecting an answer, and soon.

"Dad, that telegram is for John, you had no right to..." Anna started, but her father briskly interrupted her.

"I didn't read it on purpose, it had fallen on the floor and I picked it up!" he said, staring back at John, "I'm merely asking what this divorce thing is about! You and someone named Vera?"

Anna froze in her spot. How come her father had got hold of the telegram? And a revealing one at that – what would they do? A million things passed through her mind, but Anna had no idea what to make of the situation. She gaped at her father, in shock, and fearing that everything would be ruined at any moment now.

"Well, surely there's some kind of mistake around this..." her mother started in a quiet voice.

"There's no mistake about this, Rose!" her father said, handing his wife the telegram, "Read it for yourself, then, if you don't believe me. I'm expecting an answer, John."

John searched her eyes, apparently waiting for some kind of sign, but Anna gave him none; she was at a loss. And yet, she knew she needed to do something.

"You don't deny this to be true?" her father asked John.

"I don't."

"So you've tricked my daughter into marrying you," Frank started, angriness in his eyes, "when you were already married? You've taken away my daughter's virtue and reputation without marrying her? This is absurd. I want you out of this house immediately. Anna did not deserve..."

He kept talking and John kept listening, but Anna stood in the middle of it, unsure of what her actions would be. John was already going away – this wouldn't change anything, would it? Everything would be fine for her, anyway – she just needed to let it all go away.

But she couldn't stand there and hear her father saying rubbish things of John – he didn't deserve that. He was much more honourable than she was – much more respectful and worthy of attention. He never lied to her, not once. He deserved more than leaving the house and listening to such absurds. Anna looked at them, both men arguing, and looked at her mother, who was staring at the scene horrified. Nellie seemed anxious and worried. This was exactly what Anna had feared from the beginning.

"John was never my husband," Anna started, her voice strong and clear. Her father had stopped talking and was staring at her, as if not really understanding what she was saying. She continued talking, "He was never my husband."

"Anna..." John called her, but she refused to look at him.

"I know what I'm doing, John," she said harshly, turning back to face her father, "He was never my husband, and I knew that. I... I knew of his wife and all about it. He's done nothing to disrespect me, in any way."

Her mother gasped and Anna watched as Nellie shook her head at her, pleading her to stop talking. John's hand was on her shoulder, but Anna shook it off. She needed to do this. She couldn't lie anymore, and she needed to do this alone. Her father's expression was confused.

"I met him on train on my way to York before I came here, and he agreed to pretend to be my husband in front of you," Anna continued, "This is not his fault nor his idea."

Her mother frowned, "But why would you do such a thing, Anna?"

Anna looked at her mother, already knowing this would break her heart. She deliberately avoided her father's gaze, and she exchanged a look with John. He was serious and silent, his presence a little comforting, if anything.

"Because I'm pregnant," Anna mumbled, her voice now weak and quiet.

Her mother let out another gasp and sat back down on her chair, shocked. Seeing the disappointment all over her face, Anna chose to look at the floor instead of seeing everyone's reaction. She couldn't face them; she was completely ashamed.

"You're what?" her father's voice was harsh and strong against her ears, and Anna looked at him.

She wouldn't back down, not now. All too aware of the tears threatening to fall, she stared at her father.

"I'm pregnant," she repeated, "I didn't want to disappoint you and ruin Nellie's life, so I asked John to..."

"A bit too late for that now!" her father blurted out, "How could you do this, Anna? We trusted you, and this is what you bring home to us! What were you going to do about this? Just... think we'd never find out? Do you think we're so stupid that we'd never find out?"

"I had to try something!" Anna said, blinking heavily and causing the tears to fall, "I couldn't let myself be ruined and ruin the family without doing anything! I never meant to disappoint you, or to ruin the family's reputation..."

"You might not have meant it, but you ruined us, Anna," her father's voice was low, but filled with emotions; his eyes were, too, watery, and he seemed to be trying to get a hold on himself. The image broke her heart; she had never seen her father so vulnerable, "and you've ruined yourself and this child along. I can't believe this! I can't... You weren't raised to be like this. You're no more than a fallen woman, a... slut. You're not my daughter."

Anna ran past him, and he couldn't help but feel hurt at her father's words as well. If only he knew...

Anna should have let them reach their own conclusions – he'd be gone and everyone would know how she had been tricked into an illegal marriage. She wouldn't be ruined. Telling the truth, however, brought up the consequences she had been initially worried about. What could they do now? He couldn't marry her, as much as he wanted to. He supposed he could take her with him to London. He was sure his mother wouldn't mind; in fact, she'd probably be happy with the company. But it wasn't the ideal thing to do, not to Anna. She'd still be ruined and, worse, with no family. He needed to do something.

"She isn't any of that," he found himself saying, among Rose's sobs and Nellie's shocked expression, "She isn't a slut. She's the finer woman I've ever met. You should be proud of her. You've raised an admirable, strong woman."

"That will have a child out of wedlock," her father told him briskly, "Yes, we should be very proud of her."

"She was forced," John said quietly but loud enough for everyone to hear, "She was forced to do something cruel she didn't want to do, and she suffered things no one should ever suffer, and you call her a slut? You know Anna. How could you think she'd have done such a thing on purpose? Have some faith in your own daughter."

Rose's sobs grew louder, and Nellie was staring at him with her eyes wide. Frank took a step back, shocked at his words.

"I'd take her with me if I thought that would help her, but I have nothing to offer her," John continued on, "I'd marry her in the blink of an eye if I could, but I can't. This doesn't have to ruin you. You could still tell people I abandoned her. Nobody would know. She needs you. She needs your love and your support, and if you can't give it to her then I'll take her with me, even though it wouldn't be the best for her reputation, especially in a city like London."

Rose shook her head violently, "She'll stay. We can... We can work things out, I won't have my child ruined and with no prospects. She will stay."

John nodded at her, but his eyes were focused on Frank, who seemed confused and troubled, but he nodded weakly at John's stare. Without saying anything else, John made his way toward the hall and stopped in the doorway of the bedroom he had shared with Anna for the past days. She was packing her suitcase as well, throwing things into it awkwardly, and her sobs were the most heartbreaking sound he had ever heard. She didn't see him, so he called her name. She stopped and looked up at him, her sobs stopping momentarily.

"I'm going with you," she told him between tears.

"You'll stay," he told her quietly, "Your parents will support you. I told him about... I'm sorry. I wish you could come, but you know it wouldn't be the best."

He watched as a few tears had fallen from her eyes, and she walked into his arms, embracing him tightly, clinging onto him.

"What will I do without you?"

He gulped silently.

"I... I wish I could stay," he said, surprised to find his eyes watery with tears as well. He pulled away to look at her, his hand caressing her cheek as he spoke, "I'm sorry it didn't work out."

She shook her head, "You were perfect. I just couldn't continue with this anymore."

"If... If anything happens, come to London. Come find me," he pleaded, and she nodded, closing her eyes with emotion, "I've written you my address already. Don't hesitate on coming to me, alright?"

She nodded weakly, "Alright."

"I'll miss you," he said, his hands coming to caress her tear-strained cheeks.

She blinked twice, obviously trying not cry anymore. He smiled weakly at her and he felt her hand stroking the side of his cheek as well. He felt her lips on his before he could react; her lips were soft and moist from her tears, and he felt her strength in them; oh, how he wanted to stay. The kiss ended far too soon, and she sniffed loudly when they parted. He kissed the top of her head before pulling away; his train would be arriving soon, and he felt that if he didn't go now he never would.

"Goodbye, Anna," he said as he picked up his suitcase and went for the door.

His only responses were her sobs as she dejectedly sat on the bed. He couldn't look back now.

As he was almost at the end of the hall he almost walked into Frank, who barely looked at him; in the brief moment of seeing him, John noticed tears, and the next thing he heard were the soothing whispers of a worried father. Rose also walked past him; she smiled sadly at him before making her way towards Anna's bedroom. He did manage to say goodbye to Nellie, who looked like she didn't know what to do and how to act. She seemed to be in shock, but she wished him luck as he left.

Anna would be alright.

He wasn't sure if he would, though.

A/N: So now Anna's secret is out and John left the farm. Only one more chapter to go - I really hope you enjoyed this one. Thoughts? :) Thanks for reading and reviewing!