I have no one to think about...
I don't know what to do...
Why do I still miss you?
Why do I miss your hugs and kisses?
Why do I miss your face? Your laugh?
Kuzu-chan...Can you answer me that?
"Hidan-chan..? Hidan-chaan...? Hidan-chaaaaan?"
"Yes…Tobi-san?"
Tobi tilted his head. "Is Hidan-chan ok?"
Hidan looked over at him with his lazy, happy eyes. He smiled faintly. "What do you mean, Tobi-san?"
His smile was a lie.
"You didn't get mad at me…when I said you're name like that..." Tobi commented.
Hidan stared at him, expression the same. It was a long minute.
Just staring.
"So?" Hidan finally asked.
Tobi sighed. "Sooo...what's wrong with you?" he asked, nervously.
Hidan stayed silent for while.
Staring.
He then shrugged and looked away "I dunno..." he said. He continued to stare forward into the sky, just like he did everyday after school. A fake smile plastered on his face.
Tobi sighed and leaned back on the bench, looking into the sky as well.
He looked over at Hidan. His back was perfectly straight; his body was still, hair falling around his face. That fake smile.
He never put gel in his hair anymore. It was too expensive.
He was sitting with a perfect posture, hands nicely folded in his lap, feet flat on the ground.
Everyone thought that Hidan was happier, even the teachers. But Tobi knew the inner turmoil Hidan was really in.
He hated to see the blood every night.
"Tobi?"
Tobi sighed. "Yes, Hidan?" he asked him.
"Will you please leave for some time?"
Tobi's eyes widened. He looked up at him. Hidan was standing in the shadow, looking out the window, facing away from Tobi. His face held a happy, evil grin, eyes full of excitement and anger. He was panting softly.
It was happening again.
"Jashin-sama needs some…." He licked his lips. "Sacrifice..." His body shivered in anticipation.
Tobi gulped.
"Hidan, we've been over this, Ja—"
"Tobi-san…"
Tobi stopped short, and stayed silent.
That was the voice. That meant hell was about to break lose from his shell.
The only sound in the dark room was the sound of Hidan's shallow, deep breathing.
The only thing moving was Hidan's shoulders, slowly up and down and up and down.
Tobi gulped again. "Hidan…chan?"
Hidan didn't respond.
"Tooobi-san…"
Tobi stayed out most of the night.
"Hidan-chan?"
The door creaked open.
He poked his head inside the room.
He had another mess to clean up.
The hushed cries and mumbling…
Tobi was getting really tired of it.
Every single night since the brake-up.
He rolled onto his side, facing the wall, covering his head with his covers.
They didn't help much.
He tried to ignore the cries.
He tired to fall asleep.
Again.
But he couldn't. Not again. He rolled over and sat up, looking over at Hidan. Hidan was a wreck.
Half his body was hanging of the bed. The covers lay over his back, covering the fresh wounds. His head was down, hiding his shame. His breathing was heavy and slow.
Tears hit the carpet.
Tobi sighed and got up, slowly walking up to him.
"Hidan…" Tobi mumbled, standing over him.
"Get. Away. Tobi!" Hidan screamed, throwing the bottle of his blood on the wall, trying to hit Tobi with it.
It left a nasty blood splatter on the wall. Tobi looked at it, contemplating how he was supposed to clean it up.
Tobi was reaching his limit on dealing with him like this.
He looked back at Hidan, who was wailing softly to himself.
"Hidan-san….you need to sleep…"
"How can I?" he screamed, his body ceasing to shiver. Tobi jumped back slightly. "Every time I sleep, I see him! Every time I think, I see him!" Hidan struggled to look up at Tobi, using his hands to keep him up. His arms quivered. "I can't do anything without seeing him!" he screamed at him.
Tobi just stayed silent, looking down at Hidan. Hidan's eyes were red. His face was covered with blood. He was panting hard. Dried blood caked his scalp.
Hidan lowered his voice. "I can't…" he looked down, falling back to the ground with a thud. He gulped. "I can't letm'eyes see 'im'gain." He said, slurring his words together. He gulped, face expression changing from hate to confusion. "I can't, I can't, I can't…" he wailed, closing his eyes. He laid there on the floor, broken.
Tobi sighed, tired of dealing with this every night.
He grabbed the back of Hidan's neck. He yanked him out of bed and threw onto the floor, the covers coming off.
The wounds where still healing, puffy and covered in dry and wet blood.
The marks on his body where small, huge, lazily done. All the same circular symbol.
Hidan was running out of room on his body.
Hidan's body started to shiver. His hands began to clench and unclench. His body was twitching. He curled into a little ball on the floor, trying to control the twitching. Tobi looked down at him, unmoved.
"Hidan…"
Hidan's head shot up, looking up at Tobi.
Hidan looked over at the bedside table.
Tobi looked up, too.
Hidan grunted as he turned his body in a painful looking way over to the table, legs dragging behind him, arms doing all the work. Tobi looked at him, slightly concerned and confused at what he was doing. He looked up at the table, seeing what Hidan was going for.
Tobi's eyes widened.
Hidan panted softly and he crawled across the floor rather quickly on his scarred arms and elbows.
He slammed his hand on the table. He felt around the table, looking for the one thing he needed most right now.
Tobi grabbed his hand. He yelled at him to stop this.
Hidan grunted, struggling to get his arm back, wiggling his arm and body around. He gripped the carpet, making his fingertips bleed more. "No…Tobi…I must….!" He cried. He smacked his hand away with his free hand. He slammed onto his sore side.
He couldn't let go of the rusty blade. He had to feel the lovely pain.
the loving pain…Kuzu-chan…yes, yes, the loving pain, Kuzu-chan…
"Jashin…s…sama…" he pressed the blade onto his thin skin, feeling slight relief.
Tobi grabbed Hidan's hand, hoping to stop him.
Tobi grabbed the blade with his other hand.
Hidan grunted.
He needed the pain.
Hidan punched Tobi in the face.
Tobi fell back, losing his grip on Hidan's hand and the blade.
He fell hard.
Hidan had to feel that pain again. He had to feel it again. He had to make the pain go away.
Hidan pressed it hard on his soft skin, cutting the skin.
He let the blood flow to his finger tips.
He began to draw his picture with the blade.
Hidan panted softly, smiling happily; head falling back, feeling the pain in his nerves.
Tobi just watched, hand over his swollen cheek, panting softly. His eyes welded up in pain.
Hidan chuckled softly. "Jashiiin-sama…" he chuckled louder as he used one hand on the side table to get up off the floor, struggling as he did so. "Jashin-sama…" he mumbled again. Once he got up, he walked a bit. He lost his balanced and fell over to the wall, his bloody hand stopping him from hitting the wall. The blade still was gripped tightly in the other hand, cutting his flesh. His head hung low, tears ceased.
Tobi stared in silence, not knowing what to do.
Hidan continued to chuckle. His head snapped up and he looked at the wall, seeing the blood stain still dripping down the wall. He slapped his other hand on it, making the splatter.
He smiled big, teeth shining, lungs filling with cold air.
He started to paint on the wall.
"Jashin-sama!" he wailed.
Tobi's breath caught in his throat.
"Jashin-sama will vanquish…all who don't show loyalty to him…all who don't know the pain of others…!" Hidan screamed. He slapped his bloody hand on his face, laughing hysterically. He slid his hand down his face, fingers digging in, laughing and screaming louder.
Tobi just stared, not sure what to do or say. He's never seen Hidan like this, screaming Jashin's name, laughing hysterically.
He was terrified.
Tobi just stared at him.
Hidan, in his pain, confusion, and anger; he wanted to sleep forever.
Tobi breathed slowly, not wanting to talk to him, but knowing he needed to. The silence was killing both of them.
Hidan was not the same. He was looking terrified all the time now. He couldn't breath right any more.
He was always staring at the floor, eyes wide, body shaking, wanting a new, happier life.
"T…Tobi-san…"
Tobi blinked and looked up from his laptop and stared at Hidan confused.
Hidan continued to look down at the floor, eyes as wide as they could go.
His favorite shirt was slipping down his arms.
"I'm sorry….Tobi-san…." Hidan mumbled, almost inaudible.
Tobi was taken back. Hidan's never said sorry to him or to anyone at least.
"Fo…f-for last night…"
Tobi looked back down at the computer, smiling faintly.
"It's okay…." He mumbled back. "You're having a hard time right now…" He continued to write his paper for English, tapping softly on the keyboard, as to not to disturb Hidan.
"Ah…" Hidan mumbled.
He went back into his eternal silence.