Previously on Magical Girl Glitter Glynda-chan…
"So why did Ice-Cream Girl drag you out of class?"
"Well um… you see… the teacher said that I should help her out – you know, because she can't talk-,"
"So… what? Does he expect you to read her mind?"
"Uh… Sign language?"
Nice Save…
"W-well, if you w-want to… you could come to my house for an s-slumber party…"
"Dolt, notify the Contract Enforcement Division that we have a possible LP-4 on our hands…"
Sniveling wench! And Her Ladyship actually considered you for membership in her harem! You obviously lack the stamina… Her Ladyship reproaches, Unsightly worms such as yourself belong in the dirt!
"I'm… sorry to disappoint you…?"
Those who are truly sorry grovel on their hands and knees.
"Because you two went along with that simpering little friend of yours' little invitation – let alone inviting a BOY-,"
"Wait, so we can go?"
"Yes… and I have been designated as your Special Operational Circumstance Caretaker Engaged in Reinforcing Moral Order Maintenance for the duration…"
"So you're our S.O.C.C.E.R.M.O.M.?"
"We're going to a slumber party! We're going to a slumber party!"
The rest of our adorable Heroine's week passed quickly and without incident – which can incidentally be said to be the general rule applicable to heroes universally; as the reader might infer, we are only ever shown the interesting portions of any heroes life, largely because such activities as dusting the Bat-cave do little to hold one's interest – but in any event, Friday evening was soon upon Our Heroine, Magical Neo, and their two fairy compatriots. Yes, the hour of truth was upon them, and the White Fairy specifically was sparing no precaution in her efforts to preserve our naïve young heroine's chastity from her completely sexually disinterested (and possibly dissociative) best friend Cinder, as well as any bad influences the less contractually bound Mighty and Powerful (Which it might be noted is her actual Magical Girl title – we checked) Magical Neo might get up to. Simply put, the more anyone enjoyed themselves, the riskier the White Fairy would judge the situation, and she planned to act accordingly, with the full force of the accounting department at her back – they didn't call her Weiss 'Killjoy' Schnee for nothing, after all… but can even she summon a wet blanket sufficient to put a damper on the night's events?
Well yes, obviously. Just ask Legal.
"Oh my gosh! This is going to be so much fun!" Our cheerful Heroine enthused – though she was by no means giddily bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet as she walked – that would be undignified, "I've never been to a slumber party!"
Indeed... Her Ladyship concurs, scheming the best way to lure the Torchwick boy into a closet, Slumber parties are the perfect opportunity for-Magical Neo abruptly swatted the tablet device, her agreeable smile having turned into a disapproving frown upon reading her tablet, Ehem… yes, slumber parties are fun…
Our innocent Heroine raised an eyebrow to this, but decided to leave it alone – they were about to knock on Cinder's door, after all, "Ooh! I'll knock-,"
"Apupup!" The White Fairy abruptly fluttered over from her place on hour Heroine's cell-phone strap and smacked her hand away, interrupting the knocking motion, "Civilized people ring the doorbell," she insisted, "Knocking gives an impression of eagerness, and we wouldn't want to send the wrong message, now would we?"
"Um…" Our Heroine scratched her head dubiously, "But-,"
"No butts!" The White fair snapped, "As your designated S.O.C.C.E.R.M.O.M. I hereby invoke Article 77 of your contract! Specifically, subsection 7, concerning the preservation of maidenly virtue!"
"It's just a sleepov-,"
"Slumber party," The Red fairy reflexively corrected our heroines puzzled blunder.
The White fairy's eyebrow twitched, "Slumber parties are nothing but unwholesome debauchery waiting to happen – as Her Ladyship-," the reader may note that the title was dripping with sarcasm as it left the White fairy's mouth, "-pointed out,"
I told you, my iScroll is buggy…
"Nice try, but Id Speak can't put words in your mouth…" The White fairy retorted at the suddenly flustered Magical Neo, before turning her nose up in disapproval and fluttering over to the doorbell to press it – or at least make the attempt. As it turns out, the doorbell on the Fall family home was a touch jammed, and so when all of her three inch tall might failed her, the snow-patterned pixie threw up her hands and called for reinforcements, "Dolt!"
Instantly, the Red fairy, having enthusiastically acclimatized to her recent promotion from 'dunce' to 'Dolt' detached herself from our Heroine's otherwise extraneous second cell-phone strap at the summons, "Yes Ma'am!"
"Ring this doorbell!"
"Right!" the Red fairy acknowledged with an adorable little salute, before rocketing headlong for the offending noisemaker, successfully ringing it now, but knocking herself dizzy in the process, "D-did I… get it?"
"Yes Dolt, Yes you did," The White fairy nodded approvingly as she patted her intern on the back as she guided her woozy underling back to her cell-phone strap, securely fastening the clasp to her hood, "Good girl… One less spastic juvenile to worry about-,"
Before our trusting young Heroine could question her Fairy supervisor about what exactly she meant by 'spastic juvenile,' or indeed whether or not she had actually planned to incapacitate her caped red counterpart the whole time, the front door promptly opened, revealing (suggestive inflection optional) Cinder Fall. You see, the young Miss Fall presented herself in a bright red velvet mini-dress trimmed with white fluff, and a similarly fashioned hat topped with a little white pom-pom – to be seasonable of course – and while the unduly shrewd reader may interpret this as a lazy attempt to mingle gratuitous fanservice ((of which there is absolutely none to be found in such a family friendly story as this) with holiday cheer so as to capitalize on the season for cheap laughs, those readers should be ashamed of themselves – such a wonton display on the writer's part – while perhaps amusing – would only serve to date the present installment for future readers – and indeed demonstrate precisely how lazy he is about actually writing this schlock - not to mention the sheer laziness that would have to be at play in order to attempt a holiday theme right out of the clear blue irrespective of how belated – for those of you who were thinking along these lines, the author wishes it to be known that his feelings are sorely hurt by your lack of faith – and it is without any allusion to an ashamed child caught with his hand in the cookie jar that he promises not to persist in such untimely holiday cheer…
It would be too much of a hassle to factor liberal doses of egg-nog into things anyway…
"H-hello~" Young Miss fall answered the door, posing in a manner which our Heroine would have described as odd, ""Y-you're so early I… I couldn't get my stockings…"
Our Heroine cocked her head, checking her iScroll, "But… we're five minutes late…"
Well done, Grasshopper~ Her ladyship winks at you, praising your boldness – although in actuality Magical Neo was smiling cheerily, waving 'hello' with her free hand whilst she held her tablet and her sleeping bag under her other arm – Has that Torchwick hottie arrived yet?
"Um…" Both Our Heroine and the somewhat underdressed Miss Fall looked at Magical Neo oddly, prompting her to glance down at – and subsequently rapidly re-type.
Hehe… the App's buggy…
"O-oh… well…" Miss Fall blushed, "N-no…" she tugged nervously at a bracelet at her wrist strung with jingle-bells, "H-he didn't want to come…"
Magical Neo's shoulder's slumped, Oh… oh well…
"Well then… W-would you like to come inside…?" Cinder invited coquettishly.
"Of course!" our Heroine agreed, cheerfully accepting the invitation and not letting such silly things as innuendoes get her down.
"Showing that much leg at the front door…" The White fairy quietly fumed, "I don't care how much holiday cheer she sugar-coats it in… That's. Strike. One…"
"So…" Our Heroine asked, twiddling her thumbs hesitantly after changing into her adorable – and not at all immature – Magical Momo Pajama's as she stared at what appeared to be an empty soda bottle, a mat covered in colorful circles, and a deck of cards; herself, Cinder, and Neo having retired to Cinder's bedroom, "What's all this?"
Pfft… It is obviously a game of Rock-paper-Scissors-Truth-or-Dare-Spin-the-Bottle-Twister, Her Ladyship rolls her eyes at your preposterous ignorance.
Our Heroine cocked her head to her best friend curiously – who had only recently managed to put on her stockings – although curiously, she only got around to doing so when our Heroine and Magical Neo were patiently sitting in her room to do so (she was obviously much to busy getting her Rock-Paper-Scissors-Truth-or-Dare-Spin the Bottle-Twister game to do such at any previous point, and this had nothing to do with any perverse ulterior motive) – and asked, "Is that a real thing – and wit – we don't even have a boy, so how can we play spin the-?"
"Wejustcan!" Cinder blurted, laying out the mat and preparing to spin the empty plastic bottle, "I-it'llbefunIpromise!" she added hastily, rapidly twisting the bottle.
Before she got the chance though, Burrito-kun – Cinder's favorite pet cat, hopped down from her bed and tackled the bottle, claiming it from a surprised – and perhaps just a little disappointed – Miss Fall's hands and scampered away with it to hide under the dresser which most certainly did not conceal the hidden door to Cinder's Glynda-chan shrine…
"B-Burrito-kun!" Cinder cried out in distress, a perhaps unnecessarily frustrated pout on her face, "Mmmmm… Fine! I'll just get another bottle!" She announced, unwilling to displease her precious Burrito-kun, on whom she placed more value than might be strictly considered healthy, before momentarily departing the room.
"Well that was weird…" Glynda commented, bending forward to look at the oddly possessive cat under her best friend's dresser.
There was a long silence, during which the reader might note that the Mighty and Powerful Magical Neo's iScroll said something most assuredly snarky, though Our Heroine wasn't looking to see it, and thus it has here been omitted. At that point it was the White fairy, fluttering up from her cell-phone strap disapprovingly, whom broke the silence, responding first to Magical Neo.
"Yes, I know she's quite thick, but it's my job to preserve that naïve innocence of hers," she fumed, "And I for one cannot allow this preposterous game to go forward!"
Our Heroine looked up from the underside of her best friend's bureau, having failed to notice the base of the door behind it as a consequence of her focus upon the bottle-fondling cat, "Hey! I'm not thick!"
That's your argument? Her Ladyship raises an eyebrow, unable to fully believe your lack of self-awareness, Then here's Her Ladyship's counter-argument: Why, yes, you are.
"At any rate…" The White fairy interrupted before Our Heroine could muster a clever and not at all self-defeating retort, "Combining Tons of Debauchery-,"
"You mean 'Truth or Dare?"
"Semantics," the Pixie rolled her eyes, "But combining 'Truth or Dare,' A kissing game, AND SEX-IN-A-BOX goes beyond the pale of your contract-,"
What? No gripe with Rock-Paper-Scissors? Her Ladyship frowns disapprovingly at the fun-hating shrimp.
"No, no, Rock-Paper-Scissors is perfectly wholesome," The fairy responded in a momentary lull in her not at all neurotically fueled rage, before it resurged with a vengeance after a brief – and entirely necessary (as opposed to having been intended for dramatic effect) clearing of her throat, "IF YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY TRUTH OR DARE, SPINN THE BOTTLE, AND TWISTER ALL AT ONCE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST PLAY SEVEN MINUTES-,"
The White fairy was cut off mid-sentence and poofed (and yes, that is in fact the technical term for plot-convenient fairy teleportation – we checked the manual, rest assured) back to her cell-phone strap as the doorknob turned again, readmitting Miss Cinder Fall, now brandishing a decidedly less empty glass bottle.
"W-well…" she began, looking somewhat flushed – with embarrassment at the timely misbehavior of her cat (which owed absolutely nothing to the White fairy's three semesters of Housecat which she took in college, through whose employment a certain Burrito-kun had not been bribed with the promise of fancy tuna), naturally – before sitting down somewhat woozily, "I guess we'll just have to use this one~,"
The astute (and quite likely the less sharp-witted as well) members of the readership might find it of interest to note the this latest glass bottle (whose contents were not in the least bit illicit – wasn't empty, though neither was it entirely full – and in any event, it's precise label has been expunged from the record by a certain petulant White fairy so as to avoid any hassles with the capricious legal department…
"Um… Cinder, are you okay…?" Our Heroine asked innocently.
"Sure~! Never bet-," Young Miss Fall's assurance may objectively be said to have lost something when it was interrupted by an adorable little hiccup, after which her blush – or at least, that was how the White fairy's incident report (and the Red fairy's, come to think of it, completed as it was in suspiciously identical handwriting) had elected to describe her condition, and she crawled over to Magical Glynda, who could not rightly explain this sudden behavior, lips equally inexplicably puckered and eyes closed, "O-on second thought… kiss it better?"
"GRRRRR R ICAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Suddenly, the White fairy once more detached herself from her convenient cell-phone strap, seizing the parasol form the hands of the Startled and Unprepared Magical Neo, and promptly swatted the unfortunately misguided (though not at all magical) Cinder fall, knocking her (very mundanely, it must be said) senseless, "THIS IS AN INTERVENTIAN, DUST DAMMIT!"
"W-Weiss!" Our Heroine objected, justifiably aghast (though that is not to say that she should have been as surprised as she was; for that, the author makes no excuses).
"WHAT!?"
"You hit her!"
"Yes," The White fairy seethed, "And you're complaining about it, and Magical Neo's sitting over in the corner trying to pretend that she's surprised-," In point of fact, Magical Neo did look somewhat distressed, though that had more to do with her mulling over her personal culpability as an accessory to magical assault and battery charges, "-What of it?"
"Why?"
The White fairy blinked, "Why? You want to know why?"
"Yes…"
"WELL TOO BAD! This is enough of a disaster vis-à-vis your morals clause – if you still haven't caught on, then we're cutting our losses, so no, I'm not going to explain-,"
"Ugh… Weiss…" The Red fairy finally roused from her stupor, "Sounds like somebody forgot to meditate this morning-,"
This smart remark was punctuated by another swift parasol smack, once more reducing the Red fairy to dizzy groans, "Shut up!"
"Um…" Our startled Heroine held up her hands as if to show herself unarmed as she slowly – very slowly – backed away from her fairy mascot, the sort of smile reserved for those who represent an unfortunate confluence of fraying sanity and being armed on her face, "I'm sorry… I won't do anything wrong – I promise – now just please, put the parasol down…"
Is she going to be okay? Magical Neo typed, a hesitant expression on her face.
The White fairy blinked a few times, mustering a few deep breaths to calm down, "Which one?"
"Well, either, I suppose-," Our Heroine started, only to be interrupted by the automatic re-writing of Her Ladyship's tablet.
The Pretty one, obviously, Her ladyship rolls her eyes.
The white fairy rolled her eyes in turn and groaned, "She'll be fine – when she wakes up, she'll feel better than she has in years – along with not remembering the minor triviality of blunt-fashion trauma…"she assured, briefly snapping her fingers behind her tiny pixie back, "There, see? All better!"
Our Heroine glared at her with perhaps justifiable disapproval, but didn't get the chance to respond to that particular bit of pixie-rationalization when one of the MAMI-issued apps on her iScroll made some disquieting noises, "… Hey… what's a 'Code Pink…?'"
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, that's ridicule- OH DUST-DAMMIT!" the attentive reader has by this point likely already ascertained that this was not the poor White fairy's day… "I was too late… It wasn't enough…"
"Too late?" Our adorable – if also now perplexed – Heroine asked, head tilted.
Or perhaps more to the point, Her Ladyship raises an eyebrow, What was it you were trying to do for which blunt-force parasol trauma was not a sufficient response?
"Little Miss Hot-Under-the-,"
She's about twenty times your size, shrimp, Her Ladyship deliberately pushes your buttons.
With a heroic effort of pixie restraint, the White fairy answered – through clenched teeth, it must be said – without rising to the Mighty and Powerful Magical Neo's troublesome iScroll, "You're proximity to this font of impure thoughts…" she prodded a snoring Cinder's cheek angrily, "… Has triggered the M.O.M. alert installed on your iScroll!"
"M.O.M.?"
"Moral Order Maintenance!" The fairy clarified rather testily, "And now the remote-intervention action has been triggered!"
"Since when do I even have a M.O.M. app?" Our heroine puzzled aloud, scrolling through the list of apps that she'd used precisely once each, and then forgotten about when the novelty had worn off, "I don't remember adding that…"
"You didn't; I had to before you left MAMI HQ – they are working requirements!"
"Okay…" Magical Glynda nodded slowly, "Ooh! Here it is!" She added, having finally found the app icon – which bore a suspicious resemblance to a Nun wielding a baseball bat, "Um… Why does it say 'Enforcement action inbound…?"
The White fairy just facepalmed, though she did not address our heroine's question directly, "That bad huh? Fine…" She cringed as she spat the next bit, "Alright girls; suit up – and set your dresses to maximum childish frilliness… things are about to get ugly…"
What sort of enforcement action is inbound? Was a Moral Order Maintenance app really a good idea? And would it really have been so bad to let poor Cinder-chan- *narrator is viciously clubbed over the head with a parasol and dragged from his keyboard*
Attention simpering deviants and troublesome ne'er-do-wells, this is Accounting Fairy Weiss Schnee speaking – and before you ask, yes, just 'looking the other way' in the face of our Heroine's rather naively chosen 'best friend's' colossal perversion is BEYOND UNACCEPTABLE! This isn't that kind of story. Hmph! But yes, where was I… Oh, right; hence forward, as a cost-reducing measure of course – and in conjunction with HR, the decision has been made to limit the Narrator's hours (He's union you see, and we can save money by giving the outro to a salaried employee whom we don't have to pay extra for the overtime…). Oh, and I suppose I could make room in the schedule for a Happy New Year – but only if you fill out the Holiday Cheer Waiver first.