The Normandy is in a terrible state. EDI let me in through the airlock near the bridge, telling me that there were no crew members on the main deck.
She did not mention the mess.
With a grimace I step around a large patch of yellow blood and gore, ensuring my dress does not trail into it.
'What happened here EDI?' I am not sure I want to know, but the situation is so... unusual... I simply cannot resist but to ask.
Collectors boarded me while Shepard was on the ground. I removed atmosphere to repel the attackers. When exposed to a vacuum, they expired in a rather... dramatic fashion.
Goddess...
The elevator opens as I approach, carefully avoiding the horrific stains marring most of the CIC. I do not envy whomever Aria assigns to detail the Normandy... most likely a team of unlucky "indentured servants".
Shepard is in her cabin. Transporting you now, Doctor T'Soni.
I begin to mentally prepare myself. Faith will be suffering after so many losses... EDI told me the extent of the casualties and gave me a brief on her activities both during and after the mission. She must be exhausted.
The door silently, eerily opens before me. The ship's AI is useful, no doubt, but it still makes me uncomfortable, knowing it is always there, pre-empting things that I might have needed to ask a VI for.
I venture inside, thankful that the Collectors did not manage to get up here, reachable only by the elevator as it is. The room is deserted, so I take a couple of steps further inside, noticing a rush of warm air across the back of my neck.
The bathroom...
Turning, I see her standing before the mirror in the room, dressed in just a dark tank top and her underwear, both slightly damp. With one hand she is pulling at her hair, gathering it up and tugging it back. I open my mouth to announce myself, when with an unnatural speed her other hand shoots up, clutching a heavy combat knife.
'Goddess, no!'
Faith looked into the mirror again, running soft fingers over her scars. They weren't as bad as they had been earlier in the day, but still shone in the dim light, and ached uncomfortably.
She had always meant to talk to Samara, to perhaps ask if they could meditate together, to learn how to control her emotions enough to keep them from her face, rather than simply repressing them, showing no outward sign through her behaviour, as she previously had.
Samara...
The asari had saved her, exhausting the last of her strength to ensure she did not die.
Dammit...
So many had died on the mission.
It weighed on her. Every single one. The Cerberus crew, mostly ex-Alliance people who only wanted to continue the fight.
Who left the Alliance because of her.
And the others... Jacob and Miranda both signed up for this, knowing the consequences, but what right did she have to demand the others died for this fight?
When she lost Ashley, the first soldier she had ever properly mourned... it had been devastating. After opening herself up, she had felt both the warmth of true friendship, and the pain of the loss.
With Liara's help.
She gave a sad smile at the memory. She had been ready to retreat back into herself, to become the same cold, empty soldier she had been before. Liara did not let her. The asari picked her up, dusted her off, and showed her that pain and hurt were just as real as love and happiness, and were just as important to life.
And that had been just one soldier. In a situation she knew, deep down, she could not have done anything to change the outcome of.
But the assault on the Collectors had been... a disaster. Leaving the ship unattended got Zaeed killed. Her poor planning, Jack. Her bad tactical decision, Jacob and the Normandy staff.
And so many more.
She ducked down to the pile of clothes she had been wearing earlier in the day, and pulled out a heavy duty knife she often kept with her, mainly out of habit rather than frequent use.
She looked again into her reflection, damp hair hanging loose across her shoulders. It was bothering her. The tips dug into her scars, plastered as it was against her face. It had been a long time since she had grown so long, and in a fit of desperation, a futile effort to distract herself, she gathered as much as she could into one hand, pulled it back and brought up her wickedly sharp combat knife, slicing clean through it, cutting it to just a few inches from her skull.
'Goddess, no!' a clear voice called rocked Faith, and she was about to look when a heavy force hit her hand, knocking the knife away and spinning her around.
Danger!
With a snarl she ducked low, before the action cleared in her memory, and she saw Liara, standing in the doorway, glowing with biotics.
She stood straight, looking incredulously at the sight, almost imagining it an illusion before her brain caught up with her.
'L...Liara? What the...?'
The asari ran up to her as silence descended, slipping one hand around her waist and the other through her hair.
'Goddess Faith, what are you doing? Are you hurt?'
'W... what? What are you talking about? What are you doing here?' she tumbled the words out, still too startled to form a coherent sentences.
'I came to see if you were ok, what did you do that for?' Liara's eyes were wide with concern.
'What are you -' Faith put the pieces together. 'I'm fine Liara, erm, hair isn't sensitive and it grows back...' She frowned a little. Had somebody let her in?
'Oh...' Her eyes widened 'Oh Goddess, I am so dense! I did not mean to attack you like that, I was just worried...'
'That I'd do something stupid?' A coldness descended. What was Liara thinking doing that?
'No, I-'
Faith shook her head, trying to clear it, still dazed that Liara was here, that the asari had attacked her. 'Is that what you think I would do? After...after all we shared?'
A maelstrom of emotions began to tear through her, and desperate for a release from the horrific emptiness, she grasped onto them, let them take over, take over the pain, the loss.
'After all I gave you... after I told you I'd be coming back for you?' A horrific blend of grief and upset anger tore her voice, and she just wanted... just wanted...
'N-no! I know you... I am sorry, I just saw the knife and panicked, I...' This is going so wrong!
I wanted to surprise her, to be here, in a loving way... but I can see in her eyes that I did everything wrong, attacking her in such a fragile state, questioning her when what she needs is support!
Goddess!
I barely keep my footing as she presses against me, stumbling over her chair and back to the cool hardness of her desk against the back of my legs, and she is on me.
Lips, pressing against mine.
Hands, running down my body.
Such a rude, visceral pleasure... she is usually much more reserved, but this is...
Mmm... good...
'F... Faith!' Her name is torn from my lips, worries of her actions forgotten, the moment alight with passion, to forget everything for just a minute-
A deft touch across my crests blasts everything away: conscious thought, whatever hesitation I was feeling, replacing it with a heat I know should probably be wrong but... Goddess... so right!
A tearing sound. Was that my dress?
No matter.
I reach out, surrendering to the moment, and thread my hand through her still damp hair, now much shorter than I am used to, pulling her head into mine, and-
'Ngggh!' A wordless groan escapes the kiss, source unknown, perhaps both of us, perhaps-
Cold!
A touch across my back, rude, but... Goddess... so good... the dress will be ruined, but...
Weightlessness.
The world spins for a second; instinctively I tighten my thighs around her body...
When did her top come off?
I gasp in shock as my bare back lands against the cool fishtank, every touch lighting an inferno, her lips still harsh, wonderful, just taking everything other than right now away, and I just need -
As if reading my thoughts, she somehow stumbles down the stairs without dropping me, and lays me back onto the bed, her own warm body instantly above me, hands pulling what remains of my dress aside, clumsily leaving rags draped across my chest.
No time!
A flash of my biotics, and the rest is gone, shredded and scattered across the bed and room, and her mouth works miracles down my neck, burning fire at every contact, and my hips arc into her willing hand, and the touch... Goddess... just right, hitting so many of my pleasure points, and her teeth sink into the soft flesh of my breast just as her fingers probe deeper, and sink deep, a strange sensation I try to nudge away, to regain the passion of the moment, but she pushes harder, and again her name drips through my lips... 'Faith!'
Liara's voice was heady, husky, her cerulean hands roughly pulling Faith's shortened hair, sending magnificent pulses throughout her body, and the human surrendered herself to the moment, letting it all go, as she felt the urge to give and take and feel, when Liara repeated her name... but this time there was discomfort, and she also pushed Faith's hand away, and-
Faith stopped instantly, passion burned out, at the realisation of what she was doing.
Asari, before they colonised the galaxy, had never needed penetrative sex to reproduce and as such never evolved for it to be pleasurable as it was for females of other species. Though thousands of years breeding with other species had led to evolution (and, apparently, rumours of genetic engineering) causing the action to feel... not pleasant, but, as Liara described it, warming, Liara in general preferred not to feel it at all.
She knew that, but just gave into her own selfish desires, just took what she wanted without thought or consideration!
What have I done?
She jumped from the bed and dashed to the top of the stairs in her cabin, breath short, not daring to look back, feeling a sick bile rise up in her throat, the urge to flee, to be away from where she could cause any more harm to those she was supposed to care about.
What was wrong with her? To... attack Liara like that?
Cool arms circled around her waist; Liara's naked form pressing into hers, head resting against her shoulder.
What did I do to deserve her?
'God... Liara... I'm so sorry, I-' she could not bring herself to turn, to look into those bright blue eyes, knowing she would see only forgiveness, understanding.
She did not deserve that!
Liara did not say anything, just held on tighter, breath warm against her neck.
Is she not going to say anything?
She drew in a deep, racking, breath, and brushed away the tear forming in her eye.
Say something!
She grasped Liara's hands, naturally cooler than her own but warm from the contact with her skin, and drew them tighter around herself, closing her eyes, losing herself in the touch.
'I... I don't...' She did not even know where she was going with the words, just spoke, a desperate attempt to say... something.
'Hush,' Liara spoke softly, as if she knew just what Faith was thinking, or not thinking.
She hushed.
Leaning back a bit, into Liara's strong grasp, she felt the turmoil begin to calm. The fire that had suddenly raged through her had cooled, leaving her empty, but clear headed, and simply thankful that Liara was there, was still there, despite Faith just doing something terrible.
She knew she should feel absurd, standing in just a pair of briefs, brushing back tears as a beautiful, naked, asari clung onto her from behind, pouring an affection she had not known possible through a simple touch, but at that moment she didn't care. She had just...
She clenched her teeth.
What the hell is wrong with me?
'I'm so sorry, I promise, I won't-' She felt ashamed to say, after what she had done.
'I know, Faith.' Liara cut across, voice full of calm, of love. Without a further word she took one of Faiths hands and drew her around, where they finally locked eyes. Liara's brilliant blue gaze was wide, open, concerned, but most of all accepting, as though Faith near enough assaulting her was nothing, was something that could be forgiven.
Liara leant forward, drawing their bare bodies together, and placed a chaste kiss on Faith's lips.
'I am sorry,' Liara spoke gently, again resting her head on the human's shoulder.
What is she apologising for?
'W... what?'
'I apologise Faith, I did not mean to stop you, I just... you startled me, that is all, you did not hurt-'
'No!' She snapped angrily, holding Liara back slightly so she could look her in the eye. 'You won't apologise for that.'
Liara frowned a bit, brow wrinkling softly, then her features cleared. 'Very well. But neither will I accept an apology from you.'
Faith was about to argue when she saw the stubborn look in Liara's eye. She recognised the look, the iron strength of a matriarch's daughter, of the woman so many underestimated because of a gentle exterior and polite demeanour. There was no arguing with that look. She shook her head, promising to never, ever abuse this chance. 'I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you.'
Liara took her hand and pulled her back towards the bed, which had been disturbed by their earlier efforts, and crawled underneath the sheets. After they had settled, Liara resting her head on the slightly larger human's shoulder, the asari spoke again. 'I wish I knew what to do in this situation, Faith. I am no soldier, or psychologist, so I will just ask. Is there anything I can do? Whatever you need, I am here.'
She pulled the asari in tighter. 'I... I don't know. I just... after everything that's happened over the last few days, first my finally admitting what I should have done on the old Normandy with you, then the assault, and...' She closed her eyes. 'And all we lost... I'm just tired, Liara. I want it all to stop, to go away, for just a moment.' A futile wish... 'How much do you know about what happened there?'
'EDI told me about those who fell... and your decision regarding the base.' Liara's reply was quiet, not judging the decision, just a relay of facts.
'I... I think I did the right thing. Destroying that place would save lives, but in the long run gain us nothing. I convinced the Council to send a team out...' She shook her head again. 'That place was horrific, Liara. They were turning the colonists into a Reaper, and I just... decided that we could use it rather than doing the right thing and destroying it! What the hell is wrong with me?'
She knew that place was an abomination, that it only represented pain, that by saving it she had just ensured that it had a chance to continue.
But she had done it anyway.
For the mission.
It was an old mantra, from long before she had met Liara, but the one that always kept her going, the final, steel core of herself, that demanded her victory, at any cost.
She had to destroy the Reapers, and that base could help achieve that. Was that reason enough? What had she sacrificed of herself to make that choice?
'You did the right thing. It... it is the proof you needed.'
The words... so simple, but Faith felt her tension unwind at them.
From anybody else: from Garrus, or Tali, from whom she had heard similar things before, they always sounded hollow, platitudes from those who looked up to her.
But Liara... she had seen everything Faith was. Felt it. known it. Become it.
And she was stronger for it. Having a partner, somebody she did not have to lie to, to justify herself to, eased the burden that she had carried alone for so long.
'Thank you for being here.'
'Thank you for being here.'
Goddess, I thought I had messed everything up, while she startled me at first, and I do not fully enjoy the same sensations a human female does, it is by no means unpleasant, I could see she needed to just be taken from herself for a while...
No matter...
I love this sensation. Lying against her, one of her strong arms around me, feeling her naturally warmer human body heat mine, I could stay like this for hours.
Faith's head shifts a bit, and I reach up to brush away the strands of her hair that drift into my face.
'Why did you cut it?'
She shakes her head. 'Don't know. It... ha... seemed like a good idea at the time. I'll see if I can get Kelly to tidy it up at some point.' Her voice is quiet, but ringing with a little humour, and my heart lightens. I know people can do hasty things in grief, and know deep down that Faith would not be one of them: the action was just so startling, and although I know her hair has no sensation, seeing somebody cut a piece off of themselves was... disconcerting, doubly so since it was the woman I love.
Love...
It is still strange to imagine; it has been just days since we finally admitted our feelings.
That after all we went through, all that we still must face, we can now do it together.
'Why did you come?' Her chest moves with the words, vibrating pleasantly against my head. 'I'm not complaining, it was just... surprising... to see you there.
'I knew you would need me.' I say simply. There are other reasons, of course, but I will not burden her with any more questions tonight. Although perhaps... 'And I have come to tell you something.'
'Hmm?' I draw in closer, enjoying the warmth across my body.
'I am leaving the Broker's ship to join you, Faith.'
'W... what?' She begins to sit up, and I shift slightly to allow her, trying to keep my eyes from her body. 'I thought we agreed, you would use the Broker's resources to... not that I don't want you, I mean-'
I chuckle slightly at her mixed emotions, the obvious desire to see me more often mixed with the knowledge of where I will be most useful during the fight. 'I have already made provisions to have technology for a frigate-mounted information platform to be delivered. Most of the hard data can be stored off-site, and the real power of the Shadow Broker is his... my...' It still baffles me to think of myself like that. 'network of agents and operatives. I can control them from the ship, I will need a room to set up in, and will likely need to speak with Tali and EDI about the power draw, but-'
Oh.
I am rambling, just like when I first met the woman! 'I... sorry, I will tell you the details later.'
She hums quietly, and I close my eyes as I feel her hold tighten again, draw in closer.
Liara, on the Normandy!
The thought was electric.
No more awkward mails or phone calls. No more, the thought that if she wanted to see Liara, she would have to put the mission on hold for a day or more to travel.
Just her. There.
All of the time.
I can live with that.
She drew Liara in tighter, and began to feel the tug of sleep. She had returned from the relay over 30 hours ago, and had still not slept since the few hours she caught while they were in transit to the Omega 4 relay.
But...
The images began to flash again, as they had last time she laid down. Pulling her weapon and shooting Jack as she writhed on the floor, before coldly looting her body for supplies. Seeing Miranda's legs crushed, knowing she was doomed.
The pit of her stomach dropping as EDI informed her most of the Normandy crew was dead.
She had thought with Liara there things might be better, that she might be able to relax, but still she relived it all, seeing them die again and again, and her muscles began to tighten, her teeth clench together.
No...
The abomination of a base, saved, because she just wanted some damned proof for the idiotic leaders who claimed to lead the galaxy.
What had saving that base cost her?
Every one of the colonists sacrificed to the monster they destroyed... what would they think of their fate? Were they even still, somehow, alive, in that creature?
And rather than ending the torture, she had allowed it to go on, for the sake of proof?
No!
All the voices, the screams, tore at her, keeping her from just... forgetting... for just a minute, for just a second, when all she wanted was to-
She gasped as the sheer presence of Liara pressed against her mind, slowly at first, but she greedily welcomed it and Liara pushed forwards, flowing through her thoughts, drawing the pain away, taking it onto herself, soothing the fears that she had done the wrong thing, that she could have done better, and just as it had previously, the panic began to subside with Liara's reassurance, with just her simple presence, knowing that they were together.
I love you.
The thought was not coherent, had no source, no exact words, there was just a sense of belonging, of rightness, of completion.
I need you.
Her rock. Her reason to go on. The one from whom she did not have to hide.
The dark slowly left her, melting away like ice under the sun, and she felt that same flush of life, banishing the emptiness and pain, flooding between both her and Liara through the union. But this time it was clean, replacing that bitter emptiness with a simple exhaustion and as Liara's arms slowly enclosed her, Faith dropped her head into the asari's chest, and finally slept.
A/N: I have made some changes to the original version of this chapter - I was too harsh in writing what I wanted to portray, and apologise.
Thank you again to everybody who has read, favourited, followed and reviewed this piece, the feedback has been nothing short of amazing and really drives me to go on.