Doubts
EPOV
Something was wrong. I could feel it in my cold dead bones.
Bella was asleep upstairs in Alice's room. I'd spent the last few hours sitting on the stairs listening to their conversation. I knew it was creepy, but I just didn't care. I wanted to know everything there was about Bella.
I was still on the stairs when it happened.
She was trapped. I had to get her out. I had to save her.
I had to.
I didn't know how I knew she was in there, but I did. I was standing in pitch blackness, nothing distinguishable even to my superior eyesight. I only knew there was a wall in front of me because my hand was currently pounding on it.
"Bella," I heard myself say. "Bella, I'm here!"
I heard Alice's soft voice chiming in, but I couldn't see her in the dark.
I pounded harder on the wall when I heard small whimpers coming from behind it.
"Bella!" I cried. I felt tears slip down my cheeks, and I knew something was wrong. I couldn't cry. It was impossible, just like a mere wall holding up under my strength.
"Edward," a tiny voice croaked, and I became undone.
I was being restrained by Emmett, but I didn't even know what for.
I had to get to Bella. I had to make sure she was alright.
"Edward, calm down, son," I heard Carlisle say. He was standing across from me next to Jasper. I felt his calming effect and I let myself give in to it.
I saw myself through their eyes. I looked positively rabid. My once golden eyes were pitch black and a snarl was ripping its way through me. I hadn't even been aware of it.
I tried to stand up straight but Emmett was still holding me down. "I'm fine," I said, keeping the growl from my voice.
He gave me a wary look but released me.
"What the fuck was that?" He demanded, gesturing to my still crouched position. I straightened up.
We heard it then, a soft cry came from Alice's room. I was at the door before I could even process moving. The only thing that stopped me from bursting in was Esme. She stood in front of me, a delicate hand placed on my shoulder.
"Let us deal with it, you barging in there looking as furious as you do now, will only scare the poor girl more," she said, softly.
It was hard to remain calm and collected, but I managed, only because I knew Esme was right. I spent the night listening to Bella's soft cries.
I wanted more than anything to go in there and hold her, but I knew it would only be helping me, not her. The terror in her voice was enough to turn me murderous. Her little giggle earlier had been the most angelic sound I'd ever heard, but now the memory was tarnished by her frightened whimpers.
It was going to be a long night.
It was obvious that Bella couldn't wait to leave our home the next morning. No one could blame her. I could tell from reading Jasper, that her embarrassment overrode any other emotion.
I managed to keep myself away from Bella for the rest of the weekend. It wasn't easy, but I had to do it. I spent the time hunting, gorging myself until I could hear the blood sloshing within me.
Monday couldn't have come sooner.
Monday was pure agony.
All day Bella avoided me and my family. I followed her throughout the day using the thoughts of my peers, but she seemed even more remote than normal. I couldn't stand seeing her so miserable, but even as I wanted to cheer her up, I wanted to throttle her at the same time.
How dare she ignore me?
Didn't she know that she was my everything? The light to this darkness that I exist in? My heart craved her more than my thirst for her blood.
Yet she had the nerve to hide herself away from me?
In biology I tried to get her talking but it was no use. The girl was beyond stubborn.
When the bell rang, I rushed to my car, probably too fast to be human, and drove to Bella's. I had to corner her, demand an answer for her despicable actions. I completely forgot that I'd driven my family today, so I'd left them stranded at school, but I had no doubt that they couldn't find a way home by themselves—though I wasn't looking forward to Rosalie's reaction when I get back.
I let myself get as relaxed as possible as I leaned against her front door. I had to calm down before she got here.
If she arrived with me still in the state I was in, then I'd attack her—of that I was sure—what I wasn't sure about, was whether I attack her with my lips or with my teeth.
I thought about that giggle, how happy and carefree she'd sounded for those briefs moments. The radiant smile on her face as her deep chocolate eyes twinkled with mirth. She was so painfully beautiful.
But more than that, she was good—pure and simple. She had so much to give, and she was still so light and wonderful even through all of the abuse she had suffered through. She was too good for me.
She was light—an angel.
I was a monster.
The small smile I'd had on my tense face vanished at that thought. I'd never be what she'd need.
I heard Bella's truck rumbling from miles away, so I made myself relax, but I couldn't get myself to stop the self-loathing.
Bella was right to stay away from me.
Those thoughts left me as soon as I saw her beautiful heart shaped face, and those big doe eyes look at me.
I couldn't control what happened next. My body took over, and I let myself get lost in the feel of her heat searing into me.
It took all of my hard earned self-control to let her pull back.
My head took over then and I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid. Of course she wouldn't want to kiss a monster like me. I could've seriously hurt her or lost control. Then she'd be dead, and I'd be alone for eternity like I deserved. But Bella didn't deserve to die.
I was glad when she shut herself behind her door. I got in my car and drove around the block, but I couldn't stay confined in such a small suffocating space. I had to get out. I had to run, it was the only thing that could even remotely clear my head.
I ran until it was time for the school the next morning.
AN; I apologise for the length of this chapter, but I just wanted to get something up. Hope you enjoyed a quick peek into Edward's head. Also I apologise for the state of this chapter. I haven't checked through it after writing it, so I'm sure there's lots of mistakes.