Chapter 11: Armin's Weapon of Mass Destruction

fuzzypeaches started a conversation with potatopotahto.

fuzzypeaches: can you believe it's the new year already?

potatopotahto: yes :D

potatopotahto: lots and lots of delicious food to eat!

potatopotahto: i love this time of year...so much food :3

fuzzypeaches: is that all you can think about?

potatopotahto: ...yup

potatopotahto: you would too if you were from my village

fuzzypeaches: hey don't worry

fuzzypeaches: you aren't the only one from the outskirts of the walls

potatopotahto: mmhmm true

potatopotahto: hopefully something fun's gonna happen

potatopotahto: it does every year for me

potatopotahto: remember last year when some guy got ass drunk and began dancing on a pole? XD

fuzzypeaches: LOL i think that was thomas

fuzzypeaches: that was some crazy shit

potatopotahto: yeah XD

potatopotahto: this new year's day better be more exciting :D

mikasassasin started a fight, I mean conversation, with humanitystrongest.

mikasassasin: The restraining order has expired.

mikasassasin: You know what that means.

humanitystrongest: ...on about that again, brat?

humanitystrongest: Can't we just forget about this

humanitystrongest: I have better things to do than fighting temperamental little girls

mikasassasin: Like what? Cleaning?

humanitystrongest: ...yes.

mikasassasin: You clean everyday...I'm surprised a superbug hasn't formed and killed you yet

mikasassasin: Btw you can't really call me little when I'm taller than you

mikasassasin: Shorty.

humanitystrongest: ...

humanitystrongest: Say that again Ackerman.

humanitystrongest: I dare you.

mikasassasin: Couldn't understand me the first time?

mikasassasin: Maybe you should clean your ears...

mikasassasin: Shorty.

humanitystrongest: Edge of the forest by the horse barn

humanitystrongest: In fifteen minutes

mikasassasin: Yes Captain Short.

mikasassasin started a conversation with titandestroyer.

mikasassasin: Eren

titandestroyer: yeah?

mikasassasin: If Corporal Levi and I fought each other

mikasassasin: Who do you think would win?

titandestroyer: ...

titandestroyer: GOD MIKASA I DON'T KNOW

titandestroyer: you guys are both talented fighters

titandestroyer: don't make me choose over you guys

titandestroyer: enough of these dumb hypothetical questions

titandestroyer: you already fought him once already

mikasassasin: ...okay Eren

titandestroyer: glad to see you're thinking normally now

mikasassasin: Come by the training grounds now

titandestroyer: eh why?

mikasassasin: You said you couldn't choose between us

mikasassasin: So you can come watch us and see who the better fighter is

mikasassasin: I'll see you there.

titandestroyer: wait what

titandestroyer: DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE ACTUALLY FIGHTING CORPORAL LEVI

titandestroyer: WHAT THE FUCK MIKASA

titandestroyer: you promised that you'd stop fighting levi!

mikasassasin: Well you promised you'd stop fighting Jean

mikasassasin: And pretty much everyone else

mikasassasin: And look how that turned out

titandestroyer: ...

titandestroyer: that's not the point!

titandestroyer started a conversation with strategicpoint.

titandestroyer: ARMIN HELP

strategicpoint: What is it?

titandestroyer: mikasa's about to go fight levi

strategicpoint: Again?

titandestroyer: but it's for real this time!

strategicpoint: So you're saying last time was fake?

strategicpoint: Mikasa throwing knives at the Corporal?

titandestroyer: NO

titandestroyer: i mean they're going to keep fighting until one of them loses :O

strategicpoint: ...let's go and find them.

fuzzypeaches: yo potato girl

fuzzypeaches: have you heard that the corporal and mikasa are gonna fight again?

potatopotahto: omg really?

potatopotahto: where did you hear that from?

fuzzypeaches: i just heard eren yelling about it LOL

potatopotahto: haha let me bring my potato chips :)

potatopotahto: but first things first

potatopotahto: let's make this more interesting :)

fuzzypeaches: ...i don't like that face

fuzzypeaches: don't tell me you're gonna trick me and jean again

fuzzypeaches: cause if you do, you're toast

potatopotahto: nahhh i need a break from trolling you two

potatopotahto: maybe next time :)

fuzzypeaches: then what is it?

potatopotahto started a conversation with fuzzypeaches, jeanchevaljean, marcopolo and ymirror.

potatopotahto: so have you guys heard about the fight going down

jeanchevaljean: hell yeah

ymirror: who hasn't...eren's walked past all of us

potatopotahto: LOL typical eren

potatopotahto: anyways i have a great idea to make this fight more interesting

jeanchevaljean: yeah that sounds fantastic

jeanchevaljean: look how your ideas turn out

jeanchevaljean: screwing me and connie over

potatopotahto: no no not this time

fuzzypeaches: then what?

potatopotahto: we'll place bets on the winner and the duration of the fight

fuzzypeaches: oh...sounds interesting

fuzzypeaches: i'm in

jeanchevaljean: ...me too

ymirror: hmmm sure

marcopolo: Okay...

potatopotahto: great :)

potatopotahto: let's place our bets here right now

potatopotahto: 50 euros on mikasa, 11 min

jeanchevaljean: damn...50 euros O.o

ymirror: why

ymirror: don't even have that much money, horse boy?

jeanchevaljean: no i do!

jeanchevaljean: 50 euros on mikasa in 5 min

jeanchevaljean: she's definitely gonna win

ymirror: i wouldn't be so confident

ymirror: after all, she is fighting humanity's strongest soldier

ymirror: 50 euros on shorty in 7 min

fuzzypeaches: for once i agree with ymir

fuzzypeaches: 50 euros for the corporal in 10 min

marcopolo: Okay then I'll do...50 euros on a tie

jeanchevaljean: ...really?

marcopolo: It could happen

jeanchevaljean: whatever, your loss marco

potatopotahto: now all we gotta do is sit back and watch the show :)

potatopotahto: i got chips for everyone :D

titandestroyer: unbelievable

strategicpoint: What is?

titandestroyer: how does everyone already know about the fight

titandestroyer: they're even placing bets on who's gonna win!

strategicpoint: Um Eren...you've been voicing your thoughts again, haven't you?

titandestroyer: not exactly

strategicpoint: What do you mean?

titandestroyer: more like yelling them and throwing things against the wall

strategicpoint: Sigh...let's just get over there and stop them from fighting

titandestroyer: i found them

titandestroyer: they're just about to start

titandestroyer: i'm gonna go in and stop them

strategicpoint: Wait Eren!

strategicpoint: Don't go in there blind without a plan!

titandestroyer: it's alright, they can't ignore me!

jeanchevaljean: oooh

jeanchevaljean: did you just see that

ymirror: yes captain obvious

ymirror: we all know eren got a good kick to the face by levi

ymirror: and mikasa obviously freaked out

marcopolo: I've started the timer already

potatopotahto: good

strategicpoint: I told you, asshat!

titandestroyer: don't rub it in...

titandestroyer: at least my injuries'll heal quickly

strategicpoint: Thank goodness you're a titan

strategicpoint: Otherwise you would've been dead five times by now

titandestroyer: ...thanks for giving me confidence in my skills

strategicpoint: You're welcome asshat.

marcopolo: Three minutes have passed

jeanchevaljean: damn...come on mikasa!

jeanchevaljean: i believe in you!

ymirror: too bad she doesn't believe in you

jeanchevaljean: ...

ymirror: finally admit that you're gonna lose your money now

ymirror: cause that was a fucking dumb bet to place

jeanchevaljean: shut up ymir

fuzzypeaches: okay okay let's calm ourselves down now

potatopotahto: i don't think anyone's winning right now...

potatopotahto: mikasa keeps avoiding all of levi's spinning kicks

potatopotahto: and levi's blocking her palm strikes

strategicpoint: Eren! I found a way to stop their battle

titandestroyer: what is it?

strategicpoint: You're not gonna like it very much

strategicpoint: But are you willing to do it?

titandestroyer: i'll do it as long as they stop fighting!

fuzzypeaches: no one's winning yet...

fuzzypeaches: wait what's that

potatopotahto: what?

fuzzypeaches: eren's going out into the open

fuzzypeaches: ...with a megaphone

jeanchevaljean: what the hell

jeanchevaljean: what's he trying to pull

jeanchevaljean: oh shit

jeanchevaljean: run guys run!

fuzzypeaches: um why hors-

titandestroyer: you know armin

titandestroyer: didn't this breaking my contract not to ever sing in public again

strategicpoint: That's why I said you wouldn't like it

strategicpoint: And apparently neither did the bystanders

strategicpoint: Good job Eren!

strategicpoint: You managed to knock everyone unconscious with your siren call

titandestroyer: maybe i should try singing to the titans

titandestroyer: they'd be easier to defeat

strategicpoint: LOL haha

titandestroyer: you're actually considering it aren't you...

strategicpoint: I need to talk over this with Hanji first

mikasassasin: Eren!

mikasassasin: I never finished my fight with Levi!

titandestroyer: and you never should cause you're being a total child about it

titandestroyer: even worse than me i might add

mikasassasin: ...

mikasassasin: Fine then, I stop fighting if you want me to.

titandestroyer: thank you :)

mikasassasin: Btw I thought you promised never to sing again

titandestroyer: armin made me!

mikasassasin: You know what this means...

titandestroyer: *gulp*

fuzzypeaches: errr so who won?

fuzzypeaches: i don't really remember anything once i was knocked out

ymirror: no shit sherlock

potatopotahto: well the money pool's gotta go to someone

potatopotahto: the closest guess was marco's

potatopotahto: so he gets it?

marcopolo: Really? Sweet!

marcopolo: Told ya Jean!

jeanchevaljean: okay i was wrong T^T

jeanchevaljean: damn it

fuzzypeaches: it's okay

fuzzypeaches: at least sasha didn't get it

potatopotahto: hey!

jeanchevaljean started a conversation with marcopolo.

jeanchevaljean: hey congrats marco :)

jeanchevaljean: i didn't expect you'd get the money

marcopolo: The answer's no

jeanchevaljean: ?

jeanchevaljean: but i didn't even say anything

marcopolo: I know what you were going to ask

marcopolo: And no, I'm not giving you your money back

jeanchevaljean: BUT PLEASE MARCO

marcopolo: I won it fair and square

jeanchevaljean: but then you'll still have 200 euros left over anyway!

marcopolo: 150 actually...I'm not including my own money

jeanchevaljean: :'(

titanscientist started a conversation with humanitystrongest.

titanscientist: Heeeeyyyyy so Levi

humanitystrongest: No.

titanscientist: But I didn't even ask anything yet O.o

humanitystrongest: I'm not going to fight with that brat again

titanscientist: Phew good :)

humanitystrongest: And you can experiment on Eren as long as I'm not there to hear his singing

titanscientist: Wow! It's like you're reading my mind. Fascinating...

titanscientist: Can I-

humanitystrongest: You're not experimenting on me.

titanscientist: Please?

humanitystrongest: No.

titanscientist: But-

humanitystrongest: No.

titanscientist: Sigh okay

titanscientist: Btw do you know why Eren has duct tape covering his mouth

humanitystrongest: You figure it out, Hanji...

Author's Note

Sincere apologies from a Canadian for the late update. I was planning to release this before the New Year but then I got caught up in some...stuff. Yeah, some Sherlock, I mean stuff. Anyways, HAPPY NEW YEAR readers! I have a feeling that 2014's going to be even crazier than the last :D From now on I'm going to be updating less often (once a week) because school's starting again, and after hearing about the MATH 103 final (there's a running joke where half the students prayed to God while the other half made a deal with Satan), I'll be spending a good chunk of my time on it *sigh*

Anyways, sorry to Yuki Kaiji (Eren's seiyuu) because he is a great singer...you'll find his rendition of Jingle Bells somewhere on YouTube or tumblr. But Eren just seemed to be one of those "I'll make everyone go deaf if I even utter a note". Or maybe it's just me...

I partly based this chapter on Eren and Connie (and Mikasa in another version) singing Guren no Yumiya (very hilarious if you haven't listened to it), Cyanical's prompt (thanks so much!), and the infamous exchange between Levi and Hanji :)

Lots of thanks and Oreos to Peque Saltamontes, AmIObsessed, titan scientist, LOL, Guest, Yoruko-Chan, hellraven-ovo, Gleevi, Gleam Tamers Hikari27, Seseorang, Gou Tachibana, Tennu, HarmonyBenderFreak, Eana Jalaine, and legendary huntress for your reviews!

朋友，谢谢你!

Also, who thought Chapter 11's title was dirty? Cause I certainly didn't mean for it to be that way you perverts :)