Unlike the last time she woke up, this time Anna was alone. She dug her way out of the furs and looked around the room. John was nowhere to be seen.

The fire in the hearth was low embers and Anna could see the edges of her breath. Throwing one of the blankets around herself, she hurried over to stoke the fire higher and did not sit back until it crackled with comforting new life there. She sat back and surveyed the room, face reddening a bit when she saw her clothes still abandoned on the floor.

She stood, walking to her clothes and sorting through them to dress. After a moment she stopped, listening for sounds outside the cabin, and finally went to one of the windows. Opening it Anna's breath left her in a rush.

The mountainside was a wash of white. Not the grubby and stained white she so often endured in cities but the clean white of nature. The untouched, virgin snow lay in heaps and mounds to cover everything as if blanketed in the finest wool. And, if not for the cold, Anna would say it was as inviting as one could hope nature to be.

A door knocking against the frame made her jump and Anna put a hand to her chest when she saw John. He cringed, offering her an apologetic smile, and pointed out the window. "What do you think of Mother Nature's present?"

"It looks beautiful."

"The most deadly things usually do." He removed his coat and hat, placing them on a peg before kicking out of his boots. "But the horses are taking it well."

"Are they?" Anna moved to another window, cracking it just enough to let natural light into the cabin while also keeping the heat inside. "I feel bad I didn't even think about them."

"It's not something you're used to yet." John shrugged and came toward the fire, holding his hands over it and crouching low. "We've all got to develop habits."

"I certainly like the habits we're developing now." Anna risked it, hoping she could blame the resurgence of red in her cheeks on the fire as she walked closer to it. "I'd like to make those instinctual as well."

John sat back on the wooden floor, bringing a knee up so he could rest his arm on it. "I don't know. I thought you responded to instinct pretty well on your own last night."

Anna shrugged, "Maybe you bring out the natural in me."

"Maybe." John sighed, "We've got to eat though, or else we'll starve up here."

"We've got some food left over from our picnic yesterday."

"And I'll get us whatever we've got around here for tea." John got back to his feet. "Or coffee, depending on whether or not you like the American brand."

"I can't say I'm well versed in coffee products so I might just stay true to tea." Anna walked over to where she left the saddlebags and dug through them.

John joined her a moment later, pumping next to her to send a stream of water shooting from the metal faucet. "I'm glad this didn't freeze up."

"Not that we'd be in a bad place if it did."

"We've got enough snow outside to melt for water so we'd be alright. It's just easier if we can skip that step." John poured the water into a small pot and brought out the arm from the fire to set it to boil. He retook his seat on the floor, smiling at her. "So, Ms. Smith, what do you think of the rougher side of living? Is it everything you imagined?"

"I'm sure I didn't imagine this because it's not really the 'rougher' side is it?" Anna set the remainder of the previous day's foodstuffs between them. "We're not bundled together in what we have, further up this mountain, struggling to survive. We got lucky."

"Would you want to try summiting these cliffs just to get the full experience?"

"No," Anna shook her head. "My one time mountaineering I had a bit of a brush with death and I'd rather not repeat it and put us both in danger."

"You think you would?"

"I almost strangled my cousin Charles when I lost my footing and took us both down a shallow slope." Anna laughed, shaking her head. "I'm not in the mood to almost strangle you."

"I don't know," John shrugged, "We'll have to find some way to explain to everyone what we've been doing up here."

Anna ducked her head, "Not of the mind to tell them about our evening activities?"

"Those kind of things should stay private, in my opinion." John scooted toward her on the floor, "That way they're only shared between the people who want to share them again."

"Any more of it and you'll have to marry me." Anna held his gaze. "I won't be the mother to any illegitimate children."

"And I wouldn't want that for you either but this kind of this has to be done properly, in my experience." John sat back, "I've done a right job of buggering the order but I will be putting a ring on that finger Ms. Smith."

"I hope so." Anna pulled the arm off the fire when the pot bubbled and managed to get the steaming water into two mugs as John added the tea bags. "You did worry me for a bit there."

"When?" John blew over his mug and took a tiny sip before setting it back.

"You kept referring to me as a dream, as if you couldn't quite fathom I was real."

"I can't." John turned fully toward her. "How could a woman like you ever hope to be happy with someone like me?"

"You're being ridiculous."

"Am I?" John frowned, "I've got no title, I'm from nothing, and the distance between this plot of land and the grand house of your grandmother's is significant. Add in the distance to the even grander mansion I'm sure you called home from the time you could totter the hallways there's an ocean. You think me being wary of your affections is ridiculous."

"Yes." Anna stood up in a rush. "What you've got to offer is honesty, industry, and compassion. You're intelligent, kind, and generous. Not just with your time but also your means. You allowed a relative stranger to stay at your house and took care of my every whim if I asked it. Is it so ridiculous to want someone like that?"

"You're the one who doesn't realize that those are the qualities of any man. The kind of men who deserve you more than I do." John stood but Anna backed away, shaking her head.

"No, John, they don't deserve me." She forced her fingers together like a beak, jabbing them toward her chest like she wanted to use them to impale herself. "Because I've seen the kind of men who believe they deserve me and they're nothing like you. They're cruel and conniving and vicious and thieves. They take what doesn't belong to them because they believe the world owes them a debt for simply being born."

Anna put a hand to her forehead, pushing her hair back as she shook her head. "No, the kind of men who have their believed right to me either rejected me for being broken or want to take advantage of what they believe is my vulnerability."

"Anna-"

"No," Anna turned toward the sink where the pump was, leaning on it for support. "I can bear to hear you say again how unworthy you are of me when you're the most worthy person who's ever lived. But perhaps…"

The creak of a board behind her positioned John just off her right shoulder, "Perhaps what?"

"Perhaps it's for a different reason entirely and you're just trying to be noble." Anna faced John. "I guess that once I told you the whole story I should've expected this. Putting it all out in the open does leave you vulnerable in a way but I'm glad of that. It means that I don't have to worry about being found out because I gave myself away. My shame has nowhere to hide because you already know it."

"Shame?"

"Yes, Mr. Bates, shame." Anna tried to stiffen her shoulders, "But I bear it well don't I?"

"Why are you talking about shame?" John put his hands to his head as if trying to understand something. "I don't see anything shameful about you."

"That's the point, Mr. Bates, you haven't but everyone else does." Anna flailed a hand in the air, "I'm spoiled for all of them as a bride because I'm not whole. And for the others I'm a convenient whore."

"You're not spoiled and you're no one's whore." John's voice bit through and Anna jumped a little at the vitriol in his voice. "You're perfect and no one and nothing can ever take that from you."

"He already took it from me."

"No," John leveled a finger at her. "You're made holier and higher because of the suffering you've been put through. You kept your head high and you fought your corner to the end. Nothing can take away what you are and no one can say differently."

"They already have, Mr. Bates. It's why I came here in the first place. No one of my class will take a fallen woman."

"Unless they're saying you fell from heaven I don't know what they're all fussing about." John caught her shoulder when she tried to shake off his comment with a measure of derision. "I'm not denying you because I see anything broken in you. I see all that brokenness in myself and I don't know how I could ever be worthy of you. Of someone like you."

"You are." Anna pleaded with him, her hands on his face. "Just… just trust that I know my own mind in this. Please. Trust that I wouldn't say this if I didn't mean it."

John rested his forehead against hers, giving off a chuckle that bore a note of bitterness to it. "What a pair we make. Each of us trying to fumble with who we are while someone else only sees the good in us."

"Isn't that what marriage is?" Anna stroked her hand down his cheek, holding fiercely at his neck. "That we see those parts of ourselves that another wants to fix and fill with love?"

"I think there's a measure of that to it." John kissed her forehead, "But it's more than that. You'd be leaving everything behind."

"There's nothing for me there anyway." Anna pulled back enough to look at him. "There's everything here for me."

"Then I promise to do everything I can to make you happy because to me, you're perfect." John cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently. "Should we eat?"

"I'm not hungry yet." Anna pressed John back toward the sink with the pump so he bumped against it. "What I started last night I want to finish now."

"What do you mean?" John flinched as Anna flipped his belt from its loops.

"You were introducing me to the erogenous zones on the body." Anna opened the buttons on his trousers and pulled them down enough to run her hands over the fabric of his long johns. "I'd like to discover a few more."

"Are you sure?"

"Very." Anna popped the lower buttons, her breath catching a bit when the fabric around her hands twitched. "If you're not-"

"I'm…" John choked and Anna noticed the way his fingers gripped the edge of the sink behind him. "It'd be horrible to stop you."

"Then tell me if I'm doing a good job." Anna peeled the fabric back and wondered if she should not just strip John naked. Once her hand touched him, however, she wanted nothing more than to discover him.

Her learning curve stuttered a bit at the start, reacting to the guttural noises John tried to swallow back but could not. Anna tried to work her hands around him, remembering what she did the night before, but found it felt a bit hollow. Not that her efforts were unappreciated in their amateur skill. For all Anna knew about how to replicate what John did to her, it would require her to do something different.

The fear that settles on someone when they attempt something new weighed down Anna's shoulders. She took a deep breath and reached forward to kiss at him. A reaction that almost toppled them both when John staggered. However, Anna continued and tested with her tongue.

John's hand came down and caught one of her hands. Anna paused and John had to swallow a moment before he could actually speak. "I don't want you to feel obligated."

"I don't." Anna tucked her fingers over to drag her nails over him. He grabbed at the counter again and Anna licked forward. "I'm looking forward to it."

At that point John gave over to it. The process of learning how to use her mouth as another source of pleasure stopped and started but soon she had John groaning under her. Touching, tasting, and scraping her teeth over his growing erection finally revealed to Anna that there was a way to control this man.

The same way he controlled her: through pleasure.

When John's hips bucked toward her Anna froze. That second was enough to give john a grip on her shoulders and drag her up. For a moment she worried there was something wrong with her treatment of him but the roughness of John's lips on hers told her there was nothing wrong with it.

In fact, she did a wonderful job.

John spun them almost too quickly for Anna to gauge her position in space and time. She landed on the edge of the counter and could only grip John's shoulder to ground herself when his hands moved over her legs. A swift whip of her skirt and her knickers left her open to him and before she could even gage the turn of events, John entered her.

That was when he paused. He held her close, taking deep breaths before he could lift his head to look at her. "Are you alright?"

Anna considered a verbal response but realized any possible words she would use fled in a moment. All she could do was nod and try to move counter to John's immediate thrusts. And that was all she could do.

Unlike their previous encounters this was not a slow or sensual experience. This was entirely up to John and Anna surrendered to him. He guided their motions, holding her to him, and kissed over her neck when he could manage not to lose himself in her.

She struggled to keep up with him and tried to hold onto him but she could not find a grip anywhere. Her mind could not comprehend how to keep up with him or how to comprehend this kind of emotional overhaul. The moment she thought there was nothing else but surrender to John, he moved his fingers to her nerves and sent her over the edge.

The world sparked for a moment and Anna realized they finally stopped moving. John held her close, the rush of his breathing rippling the fabric of her blouse while his hands shook at her back. She dug her fingers into the rough material of his shirt and pulled herself back enough to look in his eyes.

"Are we telling anyone about that?"

They laughed together a moment, John kissing Anna before stepping back to help her situate herself and them himself. Anna rolled her shoulders back and held onto the counter before she could move on steady legs. Staggering together they took their positions back by the fire.

"I don't think so." John shook his head, "And I've no idea what I'll say about what we did here for two days."

"One day." John frowned and Anna sipped at her cold tea before putting it to the side. "You said the snow should clear up enough for us to leave."

"It's true. But we did leave yesterday morning and we won't be back until tomorrow night so I think it'll still be three days."

"Only one of those days we'll have to explain." Anna took a deep breath. "And then what?"

"You mean how soon until I can tell your father I'm marrying you?" John smiled at her, "Or until I put a ring on your finger?"

"I meant more about the idea of how I'll keep my hands off you with Mrs. Hughes in the vicinity."

"There are places to go on my property."

"Is that you suggesting further impropriety Mr. Bates?"

"You asked the question." John leaned back on the floor, "And Mrs. Hughes'll have to adjust her rules once you and I are married because I won't sleep in a different bed or escort you to the bottom of those stairs at night with a kiss to your hand."

"I hope you're not about to say you'd carry me up those same stairs."

"I'd never make it." John hurried to explain as Anna mocked offense. "I couldn't do it with my leg."

"There's nothing wrong with your leg as far as I know."

"Because I've not put it to the hazard lately." John extended his right leg and patted it. "When I served in the Army I took some shrapnel there. They couldn't remove it all and so they just had to sow me back up."

"Then you're alright."

"Unfortunately those pieces inside me like to move."

"Move?"

"When you walk your muscles move and your body has to adapt and adjust. If you've something else in there then it moves too."

Anna nodded and then tried to hide a grin that sent her cheeks blushing. "Like me riding you last night."

John almost choked on his cold tea.

They spent the rest of the day searching out the cabin. John made the occasional trip to the horses, Anna joining him on one excursion, and checked that their route would be sufficiently melted by the next morning. More importantly, Anna finally dug out a long forgotten chess set with handmade pieces.

"This is gorgeous." She settled on a pile of furs she took to the floor by the fire, examining the pieces in the half-light provided to her by the flickering firelight. "Who made these?"

"There's a trapper-trader who comes through during the thaw that does a dab hand at carvings." John settled near her, taking a piece and investigating it as he stretched next to her in only his long johns. "He's made me a few things before for services rendered."

"What kind of services?"

"Mostly just room and board." John set the pieces back and leaned on the furs. "A lot of the people in this area only belong to the place for a short time and so they trade what they have for what they need and then move on."

"I couldn't live like that." Anna tucked the board to the side, setting up the pieces. "I'm not someone who could forsake all mankind like that."

"Why not?" John ran a finger along her exposed arm, "Too pedestrian for you?"

"No," Anna sat back, bringing up a knee so she could rest her chin there. "It's more that I need somewhere to belong. Women, in general, I think are like that. We need someone place that needs us. We need to build a home."

"Then you're not one for the aimless wanderings."

"Women haven't got time for aimless wanderings and the ones who do are considered unstable or spinsters." Anna sighed, "It's the stark and harsh reality of the world in which we live that a man who wants to travel and own nothing and bed whomever he likes is applauded as an explorer and adventurer while a woman with similar inclinations is hailed as a freak or derided for her ambitions."

John nodded, "But your desire to build a home doesn't stem from being forced to build one."

"How do you know?" Anna turned away from the board, supporting herself on her arm to look down on his prostrate form.

"Because you came here, to the edge of the civilized world-"

"The level of civilization still to be debated."

John only flipped the end of her nose with a finger at her comment, "You came all the way here and you didn't run for the hills."

Anna frowned, "I don't follow."

"The only people with you were myself, Gwen, and the gratefully departed Mr. Green. There wasn't a chaperone or anyone to harness you to a table or a sitting room or a local sewing circle. If you wanted you could've bought a horse and whatever someone told you might be necessary for the wilderness and ridden north to Vancouver or the great forests of Canada or south to the Spanish settlements and even Mexico."

"But?"

"But you didn't. You settled yourself into a life of caring for my house." John sat up a bit, "For all the talk of women not being allowed to wander I think the greatest part about you, and women in general, is that you have the skill to take any place and make it your home."

"Doesn't that just tell me you want a wife to cook and clean for you?"

"I've got people I pay to do those things." John reached out a hand and played with Anna's hair. "What I want from a wife is someone who will take what I have to offer and build something grander out of it. For all the wonder I see in the world I know that a mother sees those possibilities in their infinite extrapolations."

"You're wasted as a cowboy, Mr. Bates." Anna flipped a bit of his hair from his forehead, matching his smile.

"What should I do instead, Ms. Smith?"

"You should've been a philosopher or a poet." Anna leaned over to kiss him. "Fancy a game of chess?"

"No," He pulled her on top of him, "I fancy you."

"Fancy me how?"

"However you want to take me."

"Then," Anna swallowed and stood up, releasing the belt on her skirt and unbuttoning her blouse. "Please make yourself a bit more… comfortable."

Anna turned her back to him, leaving her clothes to gather in a pile on the floor. The mood shifted when she peeked over her shoulder to see John stretching back on the furs with his arms tucked behind his head, waiting for her. She managed a few careful steps backward and sat with her back to him, facing toward the fire, and decided to use the light to better her exploration of his erection.

It still fascinated her and she could not tell if it was simply the alien nature of the male sex organ or just because she knew this was one of the ways John could send her to the edge of pure pleasure. Whatever the reason she immediately set to addressing its contours and sensations with her hands and her mouth, grateful for whatever tutor had insisted that practice made one better at an activity.

Now she could vary the movements of her mouth over him, using her tongue and teeth to more skillful advantage. Not that her early foray into the action was unwelcome but on her knees with him standing over her was not the best angle for satisfaction. This, with him underneath her like prey, seemed far more advantages a position.

And John's reaction seemed to agree.

When she snuck a taste of the slit at the head of him, his body writhed under her. When she dragged her fingernails down to the base before fondling with unbridled curiosity the sack that hung below his arousal, he grunted and dug his fingers into the flesh of her thigh. And when her mouth sucked as deeply on him as she could manage, John's other hand sought to send her over the edge as well.

Anna bucked at his first teases toward her. Her mouth came off him with a pop and she turned over her shoulder while John's hands urged her legs to spread wider. It left her utterly exposed to him and John dragged her back toward him as he leaned forward.

At the touch of his tongue, in concert with his own hands, Anna wondered if it were possible to die from sheer excitement. Not that she wanted to since there was more to come. More to be enjoyed when they mirrored one another in the symmetry the Chinese immigrants expressed with their Daoist symbols of interlocking black and white.

That was them: giving and receiving pleasure at the hand of their equal but opposite. Anna moaned at the feel of him and tried to press her hips closer to his ministrations. John responded with fervor to match the rise in his own need to the point both vibrated with sheer pleasure.

But everything reaches a peek and Anna bent at the waist to slide out of John's grip. She planted a final kiss on him and, ignoring his murmur of confusion, sank down on him. He did not express any confusion after that.

It was different from this position. He was as deep as he had been the night before and the control was in her hands again. Anna realized she liked it and gave over to the rocking sensations he taught her that now struck different nerves given her altered position. Regardless, there was something… sinful? about not seeing John. Leaving him behind her as she tried to drive herself to her peak.

John must have sensed it since he shifted, sending his member sliding deeper inside her when he bent at the waist. His arms around her held Anna still a moment and he kissed over her shoulders before sucking toward her neck.

"Do you know what you're doing?"

"I think so."

He let a breathing laugh caress her ear, "I don't mean mechanically. I mean emotionally?"

Anna shook her head, trying to move but his arms and position stopped her. She turned over her shoulder to see him but he just kissed her. One of his hands held her face still and Anna sighed into him, relaxing in his hold.

"You're making it a mystery. You're heightening the experience. Because now, you could be anyone. I could be anyone. It's what happens when you don't see the face of the person." His words were whispers against her ear, tickling her tingling skin as his arms loosened ever so slightly. "It makes it a question of where the other person's mind is. And you wonder, are they thinking about me?"

"Who else would I think about?"

"That's the point." John tugged her earlobe with his teeth and then sucked a red mark at the juncture between her neck and collar. "I have to make sure you're only thinking about me. You've made sure I have to be engaged because I can't watch you come apart under me. I have to feel for it."

His fingers teased near where they joined and Anna whimpered at the touch of calloused fingers practicing their experienced art on her. She rolled her hips to feel more of him and bit back a response when he shifted ever-so-slightly inside her. John kissed toward her mouth again.

"Do you want that Anna?"

"Yes." Anna latched a hand over his wrist and pressed him to service immediately.

John did not tease her further and simply gripped a large hand at her hips to hold her in place when his legs came up to give him the leverage he needed. The kind of leverage that ignited whatever sparking nerves he already set alight with his earlier motions. And Anna gave in to it.

Gyrating and rocking, thrusting back with her hips in what she knew would be a wholly undignified fashion, Anna tried fruitlessly to meet his demanding pace. But soon she surrendered her hold on his wrist and grabbed at his bent legs to piston herself sufficiently in time with his drives.

Under such a delicious assault it took no time for Anna to finish. The tightening she had come to recognize as the end point for her did not cease but tumbled into another concussive burst as John's speed let loose like a horse in full gallop. He lunged into her, fingers leaving bruising marks over her skin, and expelled in his ejaculation what sounded like her name.

They slumped together. Anna leaned on his legs until they lost their strength and John flopped back on the furs. With ginger movements Anna slipped herself free and lay next to him, trying to find solace in the crackle of the fire or the thump of his heart. Both, however, only raced.

"I believe…" John finally tried to manage, taking generous lungfuls of air before turning to see her, "I could never think of anyone but you for the rest of my life."

"And I you." Anna laid the strongest kiss she could on him, gentle in her lack of strength, and lay back. "We'll have to take the chess board back as proof."

"Proof of what?"

"What we did here."

John sniggered, "I can't play chess. I never learned. Mrs. Hughes'll see right through it."

"Then I'll have to teach you on horseback to confuse her." Anna snuggled closer to him, "Because I'm not telling anyone about this."

"Nor me." John stroked some of her hair out of her face. "This is just between you and I."

"I like the sound of that."