Here I am again!!! I got the greatest news today...

I'M GOING TO MEET GARETH DAVID-LLOYD I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!

He's coming to Supernova this year in my home city and he's holding a gathering after it's over for his fans and guess who got two tickets this morning!!! OH MY GOD!!!! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET A CHANCE TO MEET HIM LET ALONE HANG OUT WITH HIM I'M SO SO SO EXCITED!!! Okay so there will be 48 other people there too but that's it just 50 of us SQUEAL!!!!!

Anyway now that I'm done gushing...

I head back to UNI this week and I wanted one more chapter up before I went so here it is!!! I did promise our boys would be back this chapter and they are. They are in fact the only ones in this chapter :)

WARNING MAJOR EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD AHEAD!!!! Can't say I didn't warn you!!! I will also warn you now Jack is rather un-Jack-like in this chapter but Ianto needed to reach a turning point and I don't think it could have happened any other way. So here we go, thank you so much to all of you who reviewed the last chapter even without the presence of Janto I appreciate it more than you know :).

Big thanks go to Socalrose as always for being the greatest Beta alive. Kisses and hugs to you honey :)

I'M GOING TO MEET GARETH YIPEE!!!!! sorry couldn't help it LOL.

Love and Memories

Jack, Ianto and Owen arrived back at their room to find the main light left on but no sign of Seeley. Figuring he was already in bed they bid each other goodnight and split off to go to their own rooms.

Ianto lead the way into his room, Jack's hand clasped firmly in his. He pulled the door shut behind them and turned back to slip his arms around the beautiful Canadian's waist as Jack's arms slid around Ianto's back pulling him into a warm, gentle hug. After a few moments Ianto felt Jacks fingers begin to gently stroke up and down his spine and he sighed contentedly, relaxing further into the Canadian's embrace.

"How are you, love?" Jack asked quietly.

"Comfortable," Ianto replied causing Jack to chuckle.

Jack nuzzled Ianto's hair gently before pressing a kiss to the soft brown strands. "Me too," he mumbled quietly. "Unfortunately we still have to shower which means I'm going to have to let you go."

Ianto groaned quietly in disappointment and extricated himself gently from Jack's arms. "Do you want to go first or should I?" he asked the Canadian.

"You can," Jack replied. "I don't mind waiting."

Ianto gave him a warm smile before pressing a kiss to the other boy's lips. "Okay, are you going to stay in here or wait in your room?" he asked.

"I'll wait in my room, that way I can sort through the stuff I bought tonight. If I don't do it now it'll end up on the floor, or under the bed or something," Jack replied with a grin.

Ianto chuckled and gave him another gentle kiss. "Ok," he replied quietly before heading into the cupboard to find something to put on. Jack glided through the cupboard behind him, running a gentle hand though Ianto's hair as he passed. Ianto shivered slightly and turned to watch Jack as he strode through the bathroom to his bedroom closing the door behind him. God he was gorgeous!

Ianto smiled to himself and finished his search pulling a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt out of the drawer. He then made his way into the bathroom closing the door behind him. Ianto showered quickly, dried, dressed, brushed his teeth and combed his hair before knocking on Jack's bedroom door. Jack called for him to come in and he slipped inside to find Jack sitting at his desk typing something on his computer; a big grin lighting up his features.

"Bathroom's free," Ianto told him quietly before turning to head back to his room not wanting to disturb Jack's privacy.

"Ianto, wait," Jack's voice stopped him before he got more than a few steps and he turned back to face the Canadian with a curious look. "Yeah?"

Jack typed a few more words before closing the program and shutting down the computer. He got up from the chair and made his way over to Ianto, slipping his arms around his waist and kissing him gently. "I just got an e-mail from my best friend back home; turns out he's going to be out of the country while we're on holidays so I have no reason to head back to Canada. Did you have anything planned for your holidays?" Jack asked quietly.

Ianto shook his head. "Not yet, did you have something in mind?" he asked hoping like hell Jack said yes.

"Well I was thinking, Morghan said it stays pretty warm over here until mid to late Autumn so maybe we could go and stay on the Coast for the fortnight, spend a bit of time on the beach," Jack suggested.

Ianto's eyes lit up and he smiled brightly at the Canadian. "Really? That sounds great," he exclaimed happily. "But will there be anything available so close to the holidays? Morghan said the Coast is a really popular holiday spot won't everything be booked out?"

Jack gave him a grin. "Most places probably are, but not where we'll be going, trust me. The only question is do we want to go on our own or do we want to invite the others along? I would love it to just be the two of us, but the place we're going to is really big so even if we invite the others we'll have plenty of time alone together, and that way if we want to have a big party all together we can. Of course it's just a thought; it's up to you if you want to invite the others or even if you want to go at all -"

"Yes," Ianto cut him off excitedly. "I'd love to go and I think inviting the others would be great," he replied with a smile.

Jack smiled back. "Okay, I'll organise it, we can ask the others tomorrow," he announced.

Ianto nodded, his grin widening at the thought of spending two weeks at the beach with Jack. It was going to be so much fun, he was so excited. He leant up to kiss Jack quickly on the lips before pulling out of his grasp and heading for his room.

"I have to e-mail my parents and let them know I won't be home for the holidays. You have your shower and I'll talk to you more when you get out okay," he called excitedly as he disappeared into the bathroom.

He heard Jack chuckle quietly before the Canadian replied, "Okay, love."

Ianto's grin turned into a warm smile at the happiness he heard in Jack's voice. He pulled the bathroom door shut and made his way over to his desk to boot up his computer. He heard Jack moving in the bathroom as the welcome screen came up and by the time he had the e-mail program open he could hear the water running in the shower.

He typed the message to his parents as quickly as he could, saying he'd made plans with his friends and wouldn't be home on the holidays. He told them he'd be staying on the coast but no particulars about where, partly because he didn't know yet and partly because he didn't want Justin to know anything about where he was.

He finished the message and was closing down his computer when a thought occurred to him. In all the excitement he hadn't thought about the fact that staying with Jack would most likely mean sleeping with Jack, in the literal sense of them physically sleeping in the same bed if not more. Was he ready for that? Sex was most definitely out of the question but what about just sleeping with Jack? They'd done it that night after Ianto's nightmare and if Ianto was being honest with himself he'd missed having Jack beside him every night since.

He hadn't had any nightmares while he'd been in bed with Jack; even after he'd fallen asleep he was subconsciously aware of the other boy's presence. He could still feel Jack's arms around him, he could still smell Jack's wondrous scent surrounding him; he could still hear the sound of the other boy's heartbeat drumming away beneath his ear. It was only the tiniest hint of awareness in the back of his mind but Ianto had definitely known Jack was there; he'd felt warm and safe the entire time.

He heard the water turn off in the shower and made his way over to sit on his bed knowing Jack would be in to talk to him soon. The idea of the holiday still excited Ianto immensely and he knew Jack was excited too. He didn't want to put a dampener on Jack's good mood by bringing up sleeping arrangements before they even got there, but maybe if they spoke about it now they could deal with the issue and get it sorted quickly then go back to being excited for the rest of the term.

Ianto sighed, maybe he shouldn't mention it at all, maybe he should just leave it be and see how things turned out on their own. He'd already put so many restrictions on his and Jack's relationship as it was, eventually he was going to have let some of them go or he'd lose the Canadian for sure. He was still worrying over what to do when Jack knocked on his door. He called for Jack to come in and tried his best to school his expression before the other boy could see him and ask what was wrong.

Jack came in holding a small book and grinned at Ianto. "You're awake tonight," he noted happily.

Ianto grinned back. "I am."

Jack made his way over to the bed and crawled across to Ianto's side. As soon as he was close enough he slipped an arm around Ianto's shoulders and held the book up in front of them with his free hand. "I thought you might like to see where we're going," he offered opening the little book, which turned out to be a photo album, to the first page.

The first photo was of a lovely wooden structure right at the edge of a low cliff face overlooking the beach. It was a large building, at least three stories high, constructed of a dark brown wood with dark blue edging around the windows and the roof. The Door was constructed of the same dark wood with decorative glass panels set vertically down its length and standing in front of it was…

"Is that you?" Ianto asked.

Jack grinned and nodded. "Yep that's me, I was five at the time," he replied.

Ianto smiled at his adorable Canadian and looked down at the young boy in the photo once more. He was holding a small white puppy in his arms and grinning like the cat that got the cream.

"Why do I get the feeling you shouldn't have that puppy?" Ianto asked.

Jack's grin grew even wider. "Because my parents said I couldn't have a dog, fortunately they hadn't informed the nanny of that yet," he replied causing Ianto to chuckle.

"So what did you do with the puppy when you got home?" He asked.

"I kept it of course, I just made sure it was hidden whenever my parents came back to visit," Jack replied turning his attention back to the book in his hand. He turned the page carefully to the next picture which afforded a lovely view of the interior.

"It's beautiful, Jack," Ianto complimented. "Did you come here often?" he asked.

Jack shook his head. "Just this once," he replied gently caressing the image with his fingertips.

"Really, why is that?" Ianto asked curiously.

"Because my parents decided they didn't need it anymore and sold it the year after," he replied sadly. "It was my favourite place in the world and they didn't even tell me."

"I'm sorry, Jack, that must have been hard for you," Ianto said softly reaching across to squeeze the hand which was wrapped around his shoulders.

Jack gave him a gentle smile. "Thanks," he whispered. "I can't really blame them for it though; they didn't know how much it meant to me, they were never around to find out." He looked sad for a moment before suddenly perking up a little. "But, as it turns out, when I turned 16 my parents decided I didn't need a nanny anymore and fired the lovely lady who had raised me from infancy. I, in my annoyance, lashed out at them by buying my beach house back with their money and giving it to her, she's been living in it ever since," he announced with a grin.

"Really? That's lovely of you, Jack. Is she going to be there while we're visiting?" Ianto asked.

Jack shook his head. "No, she and her partner are heading overseas the week before to visit family, they won't be back until the week after school resumes," he replied.

Ianto nodded. "That's too bad it would have been nice to meet the woman who raised you," he said with a smile.

"You'll get to meet her don't you worry, in fact she's insisting on it," Jack replied with a grin. "Her last e-mail was very specific about that. 'Jack when I get back I want to meet this lovely young Welsh boy you go on about all the time,' Jack did an impersonation of his nanny's voice which caused Ianto to laugh at him.

"You go on about me a lot then do you?" Ianto asked with a grin.

"More than you know," Jack replied seriously. His eyes took on an affectionate expression and he reached up to gently stroke Ianto's face. "You don't mind do you?" he asked softly.

Ianto shook his head and returned Jack's gaze. "No," he whispered reaching up to bring Jack's hand to his lips. They gazed at each other for a moment before Jack whispered, "Can I tell you something?"

Ianto nodded. "Of course."

"I know this is probably going to sound incredibly pathetic but . . . I miss you, at night when I'm trying to sleep. I know in the scheme of things you're not that far away but. . . I miss having you in my arms," he confessed his blue/gray eyes searching Ianto's, as they did regularly for any sign that he was upset by what Jack had told him.

Ianto thought for a moment about what Jack had said. It surprised him definitely; he'd thought he was the only one having that problem. If Jack was missing him at night and he was missing Jack didn't it make sense to just end the madness and let it happen? On one hand he definitely wanted to, on the other hand he really didn't.

Sleeping with Jack was one of the most wondrous experiences of his life and he craved the return of that experience greatly. However, they'd only been together for two weeks and most couples, even adult couples who were a hell of a lot more experienced than Ianto, waited a while before making sleeping with their partner a permanent occurrence in their lives. Not to mention it could lead to a lot of other things Ianto wasn't ready to do yet.

Still, despite all the arguments to the contrary, everything in Ianto was telling him to give it a chance. They didn't have a conventional relationship why should he compare it to one? At the same time he didn't want to rush things but who said they would? In fact why was he worrying at all? Jack had been a saint and Ianto trusted him completely, yet something was still worrying him, what was it?

"Ianto are you okay?" Jack asked quietly.

Ianto grinned at Jack's oh so common question. "Yeah I'm fine, sorry I was just thinking," he replied.

"About what?" Jack asked curiously.

"Us," Ianto replied, trying to think of a way to explain what he'd been thinking about. He looked into Jack's eyes for a moment before admitting. "I miss you too. That night we were together was . . . well . . . I can't really think of the right word for it but I really liked it." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I find it hard to sleep without you now. Every night since I've wanted to just give into temptation and ask you to stay with me, but I haven't, for several reasons."

"I would never push you into anything, you know that don't you?" Jack asked the concern evident in his tone.

Ianto nodded. "I know," he reassured the other boy gently. "It's not you I'm worried about so much as myself." The words left his lips without his bidding but he realized immediately that they were absolutely true. He trusted Jack completely; it was himself he was having issues with.

Jack looked at him confused. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Ianto gave Jack a hesitant smile before replying. "You must know how irresistible you are to pretty much everyone who looks at you, myself being among them. I want you, so much, but I'm really not ready for that yet and I know I'm not. What worries me is that if I do give into what I want and spend my nights with you I might do something I regret later. Please understand when I talk about regrets I will never count you as one of them, no matter what happens between us. I care about you, Jack, a lot, I want us to last as long as we can and the only way I can see that happening is if we take time with our relationship and not jump into things before we're both ready for them."

He took one of Jack's hands in his and kissed it gently before continuing. "I trust you, completely, Jack. But you have to understand you are a huge temptation for me and resisting is hard enough under normal circumstances. I don't know how I'd be if you were asleep beside me every night, I'm at my most vulnerable when I'm tired . . . do you understand what I mean?" he asked searching Jack's eyes for any sign of what he might be thinking.

Jack nodded. "I do understand, Ianto, believe me," he replied quietly.

Ianto nodded and looked away, frightened to ask the next question but knowing he had to. "Are you upset with me?" he whispered.

"I am actually, but not for the reasons you probably think," Jack replied causing Ianto's stomach to twist up in nervous knots.

He looked back up at Jack searching his blue/gray eyes once more. "Please tell me why," he asked quietly.

Jack looked back at him for a moment a slightly pained expression on his face before he said. "I don't like how you talk about our relationship as if it's a passing thing, like it's going to just go away one day no matter what we want," Jack explained.

Pain lanced through Ianto as he asked. "Do you honestly think it won't, Jack?"

The moment the question left his lips he saw pain and fear fill Jack's eyes. "What are you saying?" the Canadian asked pulling away from Ianto and climbing off the bed. "Are you telling me you don't care about me? That you don't want us to last? Because I don't understand, I thought we were doing well, I thought . . ."

Guilt surged through Ianto's veins as Jack's eyes filled with tears and the Canadian looked away, a lost expression on his face. This wasn't right; this wasn't how things were supposed to go. Ianto was the one who was supposed to be upset and crying not Jack, how the hell had this happened?

'You happened you idiot!' his mental voice chastised. 'He cares about you, he's been good to you and your stupid insecurities have hurt him. Congratulations you've just been promoted to king of the morons!'

"I don't understand; what did I do wrong?" Jack's quiet, pain-filled voice brought him swiftly back to the present. Tears burnt his eyes as the Canadian looked at him once more; a pleading look in his tear-filled, blue gray/eyes and asked, "Please tell me, I'll fix it I promise I will."

Ianto flew off the bed and had his beautiful Canadian wrapped up in his arms within seconds. "Oh, Jack I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, god please don't cry," he begged fighting off his own tears as Jack's arms wrapped hesitantly around him and he sobbed quietly into Ianto's shoulder.

Ianto stroked Jack's back soothingly, pressing gentle kisses to his soft brown hair and whispering quiet words of apology until Jack calmed down. As soon as his sobbing had subsided Ianto pulled away slightly and took Jack's face in his hands, gently wiping the tears away. "I'm sorry," he whispered emphatically. "I didn't mean to hurt you, it's the last thing I ever want to do. I want you always; I never want to let you go. You're everything to me and I know that's a lot for me to say but it's true, nothing in my life is more important to me than you are." He leant his forehead against Jack's, closing his eyes for a moment.

"You're perfect, Jack, insanely so. There is nothing about you that I don't adore, you do everything just right all the time and you make me so happy, you have no idea. I have no intention of ending things between us; the thought of being without you kills me." Ianto took a deep breath to calm himself a little before continuing.

"This fear I have about our relationship, it has nothing to do with you being imperfect it's about me. I look at you so many times every day and your perfection still stuns me. Then I look at me and I honestly can't find anything about myself that would keep you here for a week let alone forever. I don't want you to go, not ever, but my life has never been particularly kind to me and I keep expecting you to disappear. I'm sorry, I shouldn't let my fears upset you, please forgive me," he asked quietly.

Jack searched his eyes for a moment before replying. "I can't, Ianto, not if that's what you think." He took Ianto's hands from his face and brought one of them to rest over his heart. "My heart beats for you now; I need you to understand that. I can't give it to you properly if you think I'm not sincere, or that it's a fleeting affection I feel for you because it's not, Ianto, it couldn't be further from it. I offer myself to you, everything I am right now, for as long as you want me. Either accept me and let go of your doubts or send me away. No one will ever take your place in my heart, but I won't be in a relationship that has no hope of forever. I can't do that, Ianto, it's not who I am," he said softly.

Jack's gaze burnt into him and Ianto felt his eyes tearing once more at the pain he saw in those blue/gray depths. Jack was right; he wasn't being fair to the Canadian. Jack hadn't done a single thing to suggest that he was intending to leave Ianto; in fact there hadn't been a moment they'd spent together where Ianto didn't feel loved and wanted. Jack wanted him, as amazingly incredible as that thought may be it was the truth, and Ianto either had to accept that now or walk away forever. Jack had given him the choice but as far as Ianto was concerned there was only one.

Gripping Jack's hands tightly in his he pulled the other boy toward the bathroom. Jack looked at him curiously but didn't ask what Ianto was doing. Ianto led Jack through the bathroom to the Canadian's bedroom and over to his bed, pulling back the covers and indicating for Jack to climb in before going back to switch off the lights.

When he was done he turned back to face the bed and found Jack sitting on the edge of it watching him with cautious eyes. Ianto walked back over to the bed and stood in front of the other boy reaching out to brush his fingers gently over Jack's cheek.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked in return.

Ianto leant forward and kissed Jack gently on the forehead. "Letting go of my doubts," he whispered as he pulled back and he saw Jack's eyes tear slightly before the Canadian looked down to hide them. Ianto hooked his finger under Jack's chin and gently tilted his face up until they were eye to eye once more. A tear slipped from Jack's eyes and Ianto gently brushed it away before stroking Jack's face once more.

"You don't have to do this," Jack whispered. "You said you didn't want to."

Ianto smiled down at him adoringly. "I said I wasn't ready to make it a nightly occurrence right at the moment. A few every now and again won't hurt us though and I think we both need it right now, don't you?" he asked softly.

Jack gave him a watery smile and climbed back into the bed, holding his arms out to Ianto once he was settled. Ianto climbed in after him and slid comfortably into Jack's arms pulling the blanket up to their waists and resting his head over Jack's heart. Jack's arms closed around him and Ianto sighed contentedly relaxing in the embrace.

After a few moments Jack spoke. "Thank you," he said quietly.

"For what, cariad?" Ianto asked quietly.

"Everything," Jack replied simply and Ianto noticed Jack didn't question him about the Welsh term.

"You have nothing to thank me for, Jack," Ianto replied leaning up to press a gentle kiss to Jack's throat. "But you're welcome all the same."

Jack's arms tightened around him and Ianto bit back a groan at how good it felt being held so close to Jack's body. They lay there in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Jack's voice broke it again.

"Ianto, are you still awake?" he asked.

"Yeah I am what's wrong?" Ianto asked.

"Nothing's wrong I just wanted to tell you something," Jack replied.

"Okay, what is it?" Ianto asked

"I love you," the Canadian quietly replied and Ianto's heart began to race in his chest. "I said it to you the other night but you didn't mention it at all so I figured you must have been asleep and I wanted to make sure you were awake this time before I said it. I know this relationship is only new and I understand if you can't say it back to me yet. I thought about waiting a while longer before I told you, but after the night we've had I wanted you to know how I feel about you, I didn't want there to be any doubts." He explained before falling silent once more.

Ianto lay silently in Jack's arms for a moment, his brain struggling to compute what the other boy had just said. Jack was right their relationship was only new but Ianto could feel it too, he was completely in love with Jack. He'd been falling for him since the moment they met but even though it had slipped out of his mouth earlier that very evening he'd thought it would take months before he fell all the way. He was slowly coming to realize he'd been wrong.

"Ianto are you okay?" Jack asked quietly.

Ianto took a deep breath and pulled out of Jack's arms. Pushing himself up with his elbows he slid up until his face was hovering above Jack's. He gazed into the Canadian's blue/gray eyes for a moment before leaning down to kiss him. It was a sweet, gentle kiss, enough to express his feelings but not enough to fire up the lust he felt for the gorgeous Canadian. When he pulled away he gazed lovingly down at the beautiful boy beneath him and whispered. "I love you too, Jack."

Jack returned Ianto's smile with one of his own reaching up to gently stroke Ianto's face, tears once more sparkling in his blue/gray eyes.

Ianto gave him another gentle kiss and pressed his forehead against Jack's for a moment before sliding back down and curling his body around the Canadian's once more. Jack's arms slid around him, holding him securely against the Canadian's lovely, well muscled frame.

Ianto closed his eyes allowing himself to be lulled to sleep by the soft, melodic rhythm of Jack's heart beat. The promise he'd made to Jack that night was going to be a hard one to keep but the Canadian had been right. If he didn't trust that their relationship was going to work then he was wasting Jack's time and that wasn't fair.

Jack loved him, even the thought of that made him giddy, and he deserved Ianto's complete trust and devotion. It was going to be a challenge for him, especially with someone like Gwen around, but he would just have to ignore her, remind himself that Jack loved him whenever she or anything else dragged him down. It would be hard, very hard, but he could do it, he could get past his doubts for Jack.

His mind wandered back to something he'd read once, about how someone who's not a strong person by nature can suddenly feel so much stronger when someone they love needs them. Ianto had never considered himself a strong person, but knowing Jack needed him to be made all the things that usually frightened him seem insignificant, even if only or a little while.

That night Ianto dreamt only about Jack.

--

So what did we think?? I know this chapter was a bit emotionally heavy and my young characters are incredibly mature for their age but I think with the lives they've lead up until now they'd be far more mature then most people would expect. Please review I love them so much!!!

I'M MEETING GARETH OH MY GOD!!!! sorry getting carried away again can't help it :)

Kisses and hugs and all things shiny.

Kayla