Warning: Likely drinking and sexual content
Dates and Jealousy
It wasn't until October that people stopped gossiping about Ben and me. They'd finally turned their attention on Maisie who had apparently begun sleeping with Xavier Opress. I wasn't sure if the rumors were true or not, but I was relieved that people had finally moved on from me. I was hoping it would be Lydia or Tara next, but Maisie and Xavier were so shocking that it distracted even them. At Hogwarts, it was hard to know what was true and what wasn't (Sheila had confirmed this for sure) but from what people said, Maisie had started sleeping with different boys that year. Considering this came out after the rumors about Xavier, I didn't know what to believe.
The difference between Maisie and me though was that she loved all the attention she was getting.
"Perhaps she started the rumors herself," Ellen muttered one night at dinner.
"I wouldn't put it past her," Anne said. "She'll do anything for attention, even if it is negative."
Anne had also had to endure gossip since the beginning of the term. She and Joey had started dating shortly after Ben and I had. Since she and Michael had been together for so long, people had thought it was strange for her to go for one of his dorm mates so quickly.
"People really need to get lives around here," Michael said. "Why do they all care who slept with who? Don't they have anything better to talk about?"
"No," Ellen said. "Hogwarts can be pretty boring at times if you have nothing to do besides homework or go to classes."
"Oh come on Michael," Jess said. "Maisie sleeping with someone is quite noteworthy."
"Not really," Hank said. "There's always a bloke willing to sleep with any girl if she's willing to put out. Maisie wanted it, and Xavier gave it to her. Even if those rumors about the other guys aren't true, they will be. If more know she wants to shag, they'll shag her if it's no strings attached."
"Please tell me you wouldn't go that low," Jess said.
"I don't sleep around at all," Hank said.
"I'd sleep with her," Jared said and everyone turned to stare at him in shock.
I however wasn't that surprised. He had shagged me after all. He had been the one to bring it up, and he'd wanted more of it as long as I knew that it meant nothing. It made me feel my regrets again. I wished I had a time turner so I could warn myself not to go through with it. At the time I'd believed I would never find a boy, and all I wanted to do was tell my fourth year self that I eventually would.
"That's nasty mate," Michael said with disgust. "You have no standards at all, do you?"
"I'm kidding mate," Jared said with a laugh. "Of course I wouldn't. Besides, I do have a girlfriend now. Are you all forgetting Jolene?"
"Well it's hard to believe you have an actual girlfriend," Ellen said. "You've never had a serious relationship before. You just have shag buddies."
"No one is as surprised as me," Jared said.
Although Jolene and he had been together since the end of fourth year, they hadn't told anyone until a few into term. I was very pleased when he'd told people because part of that had taken the attention off of Ben and me before Maisie's news had. Many other girls were very upset and jealous over this. I believed there were many who were hoping they could change Jared, and they would be the one to win his heart. Although Tara was still in love with Ben, I think even she wanted to try and be the one to get Jared.
"All the good ones are being taken off the market," I'd once overheard a girl complain to her friend in the girl's bathroom.
Many were now hoping that Hank would give them a chance. It was a surprise that the boy was still single. He'd dated plenty of girls, but he never seemed to have lasting relationships. Jared and Stan liked to make fun of him for being a virgin still. He didn't seem to care though, and he'd told them that he had no plans on losing it until he was in a real relationship. I could really respect that completely. I think it was one of the reasons so many girls wanted him as well.
"Now you just need to find yourself a girl," Stan said to Hank.
"I will but I am not that concerned about it at the moment. I could get one if I really wanted one, but right now I just need to get through this nightmare of a year," Hank answered.
"You're insane," Michael said. "If I had a line-up of girls who wanted me, I wouldn't ignore them."
"You do, you just don't realize it," I said without realizing that it was the same thing Ellen and Ben had told me multiple times.
"People say that, but then why don't these girls tell me?" Michael asked as he stabbed a potato with his fork.
"Girls don't often do that," Ellen said.
"You did, and so did Ashley," Michael said. "Tara has, and so has Lydia and Anne told me she was interested before I told her."
"Okay, some girls do, and some don't," Ellen said. "It really depends on the girl."
"And I wouldn't have told Ben but Ellen told me if I didn't she would, and even then I didn't want to tell him. He basically forced it out of me," I said.
"Either way," Michael said. "Girls really should speak up."
I often felt worried about him. When he'd been with Anne, his confident had shot up a lot. While he was single, he seemed grumpy all the time. We hadn't really had too many big parties in the common room, so no one knew how he was going to be when he drank. I'd already seen him picking on the new Hufflepuff's though. When I had told him off for it, he had told me to shut up and he'd walked off. He apologized later for it, but I worried that he was going to go back to the boy he'd been in our first and second year. It seemed he was the happiest when he was in a relationship. No one knew how he was taking Anne's new relationship. I imagined it had to be hard though, the two of them had been together for so long.
"We need to get Michael a girlfriend," I said to Ellen and Ben later that night while we worked on homework. "The Halloween Hogsmeade trip is coming up, and so is Slughorn's party."
"I know," Ellen said. "We have to make sure she isn't a total nightmare either."
"Well who wants him then?" Ben asked.
"Well I know of one, but I don't know if we should tell him or not," I said.
"It's why I haven't said anything, but to be fair she isn't bad at all," Ellen said.
"So what is the problem then?" Ben asked.
"Melanie," Ellen and I said at the same time.
"Melanie wants Michael?" Ben asked. "That's not good at all. How can you say she's isn't bad?"
"No, not Melanie," I answered. "Sarah wants Michael but Melanie is going to be a problem."
"Exactly, Sarah is her best friend and everyone hates Melanie. I think it's the reason why Sarah hasn't told him. I don't even think Melanie knows," Ellen added.
"So how do you two know?" Ben asked.
"We talk to Sarah even if we don't talk to Melanie. Besides, even if she hadn't told us, we would have figured it out. She is always staring at him," I said.
"Sarah would actually be good for him," Ben said. "I've gotten to know her better during our prefect duties. The only negative thing about her is that she is loyal to Melanie. Other than that, she's great. I'll tell her to ask him out for the next Hogsmeade weekend."
"Where is he anyway?" Ellen asked. "Do you think maybe he has a secret girlfriend?"
"Maybe," I said. "But I can't really see him keeping that secret. He's been so unhappy lately. I think a girlfriend would make him happy. I guess if Sarah would make him happy, we could put up with Melanie."
"Do you two want to meet up later in Hogsmeade?" Ellen asked us. "Or do you want us all together first, and then go off on our own?"
Ever since third year when we'd started going to Hogsmeade, we all agreed that we should see each other at some point. At the time, I was always the only one who was single so while Ben, Ellen and Michael had dates to hang out with I didn't have anyone. The first weekend we went, I ended up going by myself and then I went back early. The other Hufflepuff's perhaps felt sorry for me because one of them usually invited me to go with them after that for other Hogsmeade weekends. So after a while, Ellen, Michael and Ben decided they should meet up with me at some point. Usually though, all the Hufflepuff's ended up getting together in Three Broomsticks after everyone's dates.
"I think we should just do what we normally do," I answered.
"I agree, this will be our first date after all," Ben said. "I want it to start off as a date."
"Okay," Ellen said. "I just wanted to know what we were doing. We normally all meet up. What time do you think we should then?"
Ben shrugged. "I don't know, maybe around three or so?"
Ellen nodded but didn't say anything. Perhaps it was a paranoid part of me, but at times I didn't think she really was okay with Ben and me dating. I didn't think she was completely over her crush on him. She supported us openly, and of course she had helped me get with him but at times I thought I saw jealousy in her eyes. I hoped it wasn't true though, and it was just in my imagination.
The morning of our Hogsmeade date was a nice but slightly chilly day. I had gotten up extra early to make myself up. I picked out a new skirt and blouse I had bought over the summer. I had to keep reminding myself that my date was with Benjamin Hoofer, the boy who I had been best friends with since I was twelve years old. It was hard to believe that we were going to Hogsmeade together for a date, and not just as friends. We'd been together for over a month. We seemed to connect well, and things felt so right with him. Although I'd believed when I was with Denver that he had been the one, I now I knew I was wrong. Things had gone so well between us, but with Ben it was just right.
There were times I felt worried he didn't feel the same way though. We'd had long make out sessions but that was far as our intimacy went. Denver and I'd had sex the day we'd gotten back together the second time. Ben didn't seem interested in having it yet. I hadn't spoken to anyone about my worries. Ben and I had both had sex with other people, but not with each other. Perhaps we were just two good of friends to move on to that level. I often wondered if I should bring it up to him, but I always felt scared of his answer. I was scared to ruin our relationship.
I was up earlier than any of the other girls, so by the time they were getting up to enter the bathroom, I was finished. I was just leaving the bathroom as Anne, Jess and Erica were coming in. Usually the three of them got of earlier than anyone to get ready. As I went over to my trunk to grab my purse and winter cloak, Ellen was just opening up her bed curtains. She looked at me in surprise.
"You're certainly up early," she observed. "And you look amazing, but why are getting so dressed up? It's just Ben. He likes you without all of that."
"I know, but this is our first date," I said. "I want to put some effort in even if we were friends first. I put in a lot of effort for boys I barely know for dates, why not for Ben as well?"
"Well just don't be too nervous," Ellen said. "Remember, it is Ben."
"I know," I answered. "I'll see you later; I better get up to the common room."
I left the dorms just as Sarah and Melanie were getting up, and went up through the tunnel. There was usually a bit of a line up to get out into the common room in the mornings, but that day the tunnels were still empty. In the common room, some people were up but it was still pretty quiet. I glanced around to see that Michael was up. He was sitting at our usual table where we did homework. I walked over to him and sat down.
"Have you seen Ben?" I asked him.
He nodded. "He's still in the dorms, he should be up soon. Have you seen Sarah?"
"She was just getting up when I was leaving," I answered. "I was the first one up."
"Ben's nervous," Michael told me with a smile. "I don't know if I should be telling you that or not."
I shrugged. "I am too. I was the first one up."
"Well at least he doesn't have to wait for very long. You two can get started right away. I still have to wait a while. For the record, I don't think you two have anything to be nervous about. You're perfect for each other," Michael said.
Ben entered the common room moments later. We glanced at each other from across the common room and smiled. I got up to meet him half way. He seemed to give me a once over and when I reached him, he pulled me closer and kissed me.
"You look beautiful," he said.
Yeah right I thought to myself, but I didn't say out loud, I just thanked him and then kissed him. I took his hand when we pulled away and we turned to leave the common room. We waved good-bye to Michael as we went.
"We'll probably see you around three," Ben called to him.
We didn't say anything as went through the corridors and into the Entrance Hall. I wondered why it was suddenly so hard for us. Was it just because a date was making us official? Even when my friends had set me up on dates, I hadn't had a hard time talking to them. Ben had been my best friend since day one at Hogwarts, back when I was extremely shy, and yet we'd never had trouble having a conversation. It was because of him and Ellen that I had even learned to open up.
There were some other early risers already waiting at the door for Filch to let them out. He was busy checking off names.
"I wonder when he's going to retire," Ben said. "He's been here since my parents were here."
"I don't even see why they need him," I said. "They can just clean the castle with magic if they have to. Didn't Dumbledore hire him as a favour?"
"I think so, I don't think he'll ever want to leave the castle even if he does retire," Ben replied.
We stopped talking as we approached him. He stared into our faces before he gave us a nod and we were free to leave. The awkward silence started between us again. Many thoughts went through my head for a conversation but I couldn't bring any of them up for some reason. I really hoped the day wasn't going to be spent in silence.
"Why is this so hard?" I suddenly asked without thinking. "Why does it feel so awkward?"
"We've been friends for a long time," Ben said. "I think a date feels like there is more pressure for us then before. It will get easier after today."
"Do you think it will work with us?" I asked. "Michael told me you were nervous, and I felt nervous today too."
"Are you having second thoughts about us?" Ben asked.
"No but I do feel worried. I mean it seems like it is hard for us to make a conversation now, and I've never had trouble with that on dates, and I'm shy. Denver and I didn't go on too many dates, but when we did we weren't nervous around each other. What if we're mistaking our feelings in our friendship?"
"I know I am not mistaking my feelings. I have felt this way for you for a very long time. I think it's because it's our first real date. Our relationship is different from our other ones; we have a lot more at stake Ashley. All I know is that when I kiss you and when I am with you, it feels right. I feel like we're meant to be together. The other girls I was with, it was fun and I enjoyed being with them but it never felt like this. I am honestly not worried about us at all. I was nervous about this date, but I think we actually needed to have this conversation. I'm not having second thoughts, and I want this to work out between us," Ben answered.
"I do too," I sighed. "So where do you want to go first?"
"Lets get some breakfast, and then we'll walk around. I'd like to go to the joke shop and Honeydukes. We won't go to the Three Broomsticks until later, otherwise we'll end up having everyone bothering us," Ben answered.
After that, it wasn't hard for us to talk. We spent the morning laughing and talking just as we did when we were friends, and I knew that everything was going to be okay. I spotted Denver walking with two of the friendlier Slytherin boys. He stared at Ben and me before looking away. I wondered if he was truly over me, and I hoped he was. I hoped he would meet a nice girl. We walked past them to go Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. George and Ron had opened the shop in Hogsmeade during our second year. It was smaller than the Diagon Alley branch but it got plenty of business during Hogsmeade weekends. I heard they normally closed up the Diagon Alley branch and brought over all employees to Hogsmeade. It was just shortly before lunch, but the shop was already full of Hogwarts students.
"What did you want to get here?" I asked.
"I need to stock up on a few things," Ben answered. "These guys are brilliant. Not only do they sell joke items, but everyday use. It's no wonder they are so successful. I won't ever buy another quill from anywhere else again."
"I've found their Quick Quotes Quill useful," I said. "I don't know why you won't buy one for History of Magic.
"Because they aren't always reliable," Ben said. "How many times have you had to look over my notes as well as yours just because you and Ellen were talking? Besides, I am dropping it after this year."
"Well now that we have our message parchment, we don't have to worry about that anymore," I said. "And why would you drop it?"
"I won't need it to be a Healer," Ben said. "Just because our workload next year won't be had bad as this year doesn't mean the work won't be complicated. NEWT level is very advanced."
"I'm keeping anything I get an OWL in," I said.
"I think you should drop Divination. You're never going to use it. You just took it because you thought it was interesting," Ben said.
"I want to keep my options open, and who knows if I can actually teach? I won't know until I have my conversation with Professor Sprout. It's going to be hard to do. I might have to settle with being another kind of teacher," I said.
"I don't see why it should be hard," Ben said.
We were walking around the joke shop, and examining everything.
"Because I'd have to teach different levels of students, they do advance every year like we do," I answered.
"If that's what you want to do after Hogwarts, I don't see why it can't work," Ben answered. "You do know you can't start it the moment you leave right? It will likely take a while for you to set everything up. You'll have to talk to the Board of Governors, and the Ministry, and the parents of all the students. So in the time, you can also find other people who would also be interested. You're talking opening a school. It's not going to happen overnight. If you're serious about this, you'll need to take the time. Besides you're going to need a location to set this all up."
"Yeah I know," I said.
It was actually overwhelming to think of all I needed to do for it. When I first thought about doing it, I had only thought about teaching children but there was so much more to it. Perhaps that was why no one had done anything before now. There was just so much work involved. Not only that, but how were all the students supposed to get to the school? I was thinking of just setting it up in London but there were still many kids all over the UK.
"I'm thinking of just having it muggleborns first and then expanding it to the others if other parents want their kids to go as well," I said.
"It does sound like a good idea," Ben said. "It's just going to be a lot of work. I think if you want to start right away, you should start with the kids who will be starting Hogwarts soon instead of the little ones. If that is successful, you can move on to the smaller ones. The whole reason you're opening this school is to get kids adjusted to Hogwarts. You have the rest of your life to do it. You don't have to do it all at once."
"That's kind of what I was thinking too," I said. "I am waiting until I talk to Professor Sprout before I make any big decisions. If she thinks it's a good idea, maybe I'll talk to other Hogwarts students to see if they'd be interested in it as well. Maybe they'll want to help get it started, and then I'll have more teachers."
"Oh hello you two," a familiar voice said.
Ben and I had stopped to look at quills during our conversation. We turned to see Ellen and Stan smiling at us. Ellen had been the one who had spoken, she was smiling at us.
"Hello," Ben said but he didn't sound as happy as she did. "What's going on?"
"We were just here to get makeup for her, and then we're on our way to Madame Puddifoots," Stan said.
"Change of plans, why don't all four of us go to The Three Broomsticks!" Ellen said.
"We were all planning to meet there at three," Ben answered sounding annoyed. "So that's the plan."
"Why when we're all here? I saw Michael and Sarah outside, we can meet up with them too," Ellen said.
"I think Michael wants to spend more time with Sarah alone," I said. "We should leave them be."
I wanted more time with Ben alone as well. We'd gotten past our first date awkwardness, and now we were talking the way we always did. I loved his direct advice when it came to certain matters. It showed he was back to himself again. We both fell back into our comfort zone with each other. I didn't mind Ellen and Stan coming over to say hi, but I wanted the rest of our day to be alone.
"Well he can always meet us at The Three Broomsticks later," Ellen answered with a shrug.
"Ellen, we're meeting them at three," Stan said. He looked as irritated as Ben looked. "So let's stick to our plans. We still haven't been to Honeydukes. You can hang out with your friends any time. We hardly have alone time, so let's take advantage of it. I'm sure they want their date to continue as well."
"Exactly," Ben said and he glared into Ellen's eyes.
I wondered if my suspicions from before were true. Even Ben seemed to notice something, and I think even Stan did. Ellen didn't want Ben and me together, even if she had helped us. She wanted to be with him. I stared at my best friend wondering just what was going through her mind at that moment.
"Come on Ben let's go," I said grabbing his arm. "I wanted to look at some of the Wonder Witch products."
Ben turned and walked off ahead of me over to where the Wonder Witch products were kept. He didn't say a word as I looked over everything. I didn't actually need more makeup, but I'd wanted a distraction and a reason for us to get away from Ellen and Stan. I decided to pick out some of the newest makeup they had out. I could get started early on Christmas shopping for my sister and mother.
"I can't believe she's buying more snack boxes," Ben said.
I glanced at him and then over to where Ellen and Stan were carefully choosing some snackboxes. I didn't understand why anyone in the fifth year would want them. There were times where I was definitely tempted not to go to class, but I couldn't afford to. I had a hard enough time with my school work as it was, missing a class would set me back. Ellen was smarter than me but her grades were always slightly lower than mine just because she skipped classes. If she put more effort into her homework, I was sure she could go far.
"Ben, there is no point in worrying about it," I said. "She can make her own decisions. You have got to stop stressing over what she does. We're in our fifth year now, she isn't going to change."
"I know," he said. "I just can't understand it. The entire reason we go to school is so we can get prepared for the future. Why is that so hard of a concept for people at this school to understand?"
"It's not just this school Ben. There are slackers anywhere you go," I answered. "And honestly, if I weren't at a magical school I'd probably be slacking too. I might have even ended up going down the same road my sister has. It's frustrating to have a learning disability."
"But Ellen doesn't have a learning disability, and neither does Michael for that matter," Ben answered. "They are only behind on their school work because they choose to be. They are both very smart. And you might struggle with a learning disability but you're at least caught up."
"Do you have everything you want from here?" I asked Ben.
"Yes, let's go. Let's just avoid Madame Puddifoots today shall we?"
We walked over to the counter where there was a huge line up.
"I didn't want to go there anyway," I said. "I always think it feels awkward. I don't see why people need a public place to make out."
Ben shrugged. "I usually feel the same way, but girls do love it there. I'm glad you don't want to go. There's a place up the road we can go to get lunch and then we'll head to Honeydukes."
We met up with the rest of the Hufflepuff's and their dates at three in the Three Broomsticks. It was nearly impossible to get peace and quiet there, or to get a private table. Usually people wanted to join you, or you just couldn't get privacy. So it was usually a big hang out for all the Hogwarts students on Hogsmeade weekends. We usually tried to get a corner booth so that everyone could fit. When Ben and I finally got to Hogsmeade, everyone was already there.
"So how did it go?" Ben asked Michael who was sitting on the end of the Booth. We had to grab some chairs to fit at the table.
"Really good," Michael answered. "She's over there with Melanie and the Ravenclaw girls." And he nodded to a table on the other side of the room. "We're going to go out again."
"She's a great girl," Hank said. "It's just too bad she hangs out with Melanie."
"I wonder why Melanie wasn't sorted into Ravenclaw," Ellen said. "She'd fit in well there. All Ravenclaws are nose to the book snotty backstabbers."
"They are not," Ben said. "Some of them are quite pleasant. They aren't all like Tara you know."
"No but I'm sure you'd fit in well there," Ellen said. "I think you're lying when the hat said that Hufflepuff was the only house for you. You'd do well with the backstabbers in Ravenclaw. You and Melanie did make a perfect couple, so I don't understand why you ended things with her."
"Ellen what is your problem today?" Stan asked.
"Nothing," Ellen said angrily.
"I get along well with most of the Ravenclaws," Jess said. "It's not really fair to judge them all. It's the same as when people judge all the Slytherin's, or even all of us."
"Ellen, can I talk to you for a moment?" Ben asked.
"No," Ellen said. "I'm just going to go back to the castle, I'll see you later Stan."
She got up and moved past a few people to get out of the booth.
"I'll be right back," Ben told me and he followed her as she left the pub.
"I could be wrong," Joey began, "but I think she wants Ben."
"You're not wrong," Stan said angrily.
We could see Ellen and Ben from our booth by the window. They appeared to be having a shouting match. Ellen seemed to be in tears. She was swiping at her face furiously. Something about it made me nervous. What if it was a bad idea for us to be together? What if it ruined our friendship? Perhaps I should have kept my feelings to myself. It wasn't fair to Ellen to be with Ben when she had wanted him first. She was more his type than I was. I was still the plain girl, and Ellen was gorgeous. Ben was a very handsome boy. Why should he want a girl like me when he could have a girl like her? Most boys picked the beautiful one over the plain one. That was the way life worked.
"You could be wrong," Anne said. "Didn't she try her best to get Ashley and Ben together?"
"Only because Ben turned her down," Michael said.
"What? Really?" Erica asked.
I tuned out the rest of the conversation as I watched the two of them by the window. Would Ben finally realize that he could do better than me? Would he dump me for Ellen? Madame Rosmerta walked over and began to take everyone's orders.
"I'll take a pumpkin juice and rum," I answered without thinking.
She didn't question it though, but I wasn't the only one at the table ordering an alcoholic beverage. Perhaps I looked seventeen. She just jotted down my order and moved onto everyone else.
"You're drinking something other than Butterbeer at this time of day?" Michael asked me.
I shrugged. "So what?" I asked in a tone I hoped would tell him not to ask any follow up questions.
Michael got up from his end of the booth and sat down in Ben's empty chair.
"You know you don't have anything to worry about," he whispered. "It's you that Ben wants."
"It's not just that I am worried about," I muttered back.
After Madame Rosmerta moved away, Stan glared over at Michael me.
"So let me get this straight Michael," Stan began. "Ellen asked Ben out? When exactly did she do this? I could always tell she wanted him, but I didn't know she actually asked him out."
"At the end of last term," Michael answered in an apologetic tone.
"So basically she would have left me if he'd said yes? She's just settling for me then?" Stan demanded.
"You didn't get that message when you figured out she wanted Ben?" Jared asked him.
"I didn't realize she went as far as asking him out," Stan answered. "It's a different matter altogether."
And with that, he got up and moved out of the booth as well. Michael and I looked at each other nervously. We had never planned to tell Stan that Ellen had asked out Ben. I think it had accidentally slipped out. Although I hadn't been the one to break the news, I had sat by quietly while Michael had. I told myself it would have been pointless to say he was wrong though, even if Ellen should come first. I glanced out the window nervously where Ben and Ellen were still arguing. Stan headed to the door and moments later joined them. He said something to Ben, who nodded and he came back into the pub. Michael got up and returned to his end of the booth so Ben could take his spot back.
"Sorry about that," Ben said to me as he sat down, he put an arm around my shoulders.
"She still want you mate?" Michael asked.
"Later," Ben answered.
"We all know she asked you out," Dan said. "And it's no secret that she's always wanted you. Everyone guessed that there would be a love triangle between you, Ashley and Ellen. We've all be saying it since the first year."
"I still don't want everyone to know our conversation, even if you were all watching," Ben answered. "And how did you know she asked me out?"
Everyone glanced over at Michael who gave a small shrug. "I let it slip out. Sorry, we were all talking about it, and I said it without thinking. He had to find out sooner or later. I didn't mean to sell her out, but it's not right for them to stay together if she wants you. Stan already knew anyway. I have a feeling he's about to break up with her."
Ben looked as if he were going to tell Michael off, but he shook his head and then sighed.
"I guess you're right. She's going to have to get over me though. I thought she was since she pushed Ashley and me together, but I guess not," Ben said.
"Ellen asked you out and you turned her down?" Jared asked. "Do you know how many guys would get with her if they had the chance?"
"She feels like my little sister," Ben said.
I'm sure everyone at the table was wondering why he would choose me over Ellen when he had chance with a prettier girl. I'd been told many times by different people that there was more to people than their looks, so I shouldn't think this way but most sixteen year old boys wouldn't pick me over Ellen. If any other boy at that table had the choice between Ellen and me, they would choose her. Ben was as much of a surprise to me as Denver had been.
I often wondered what it was about me that made them pick me. I wasn't beautiful, or smart, and I was very shy. Ellen was beautiful, smart (when she tried) athletic, funny and outgoing. She was also a lot more confident than I was. I was a lot more confident than I had been in my first and second year, but it was nothing compared to her.
Madame Rosmerta returned with a tray she'd levitated that was full of drinks. She began passing them around. After she had passed out our drinks, Ben ordered a butterbeer. I hoped the subject would now change. I was tired of hearing everyone discuss our love triangle. I was already wondering if I should end things with Ben. I didn't want our relationship to jeopardize our friendships. There were four of us involved in this. Michael would have to choose sides, and I had a feeling he would take Ellen's. I wasn't sure what would happen with Ellen, Ben and I. I grabbed my pumpkin juice and rum and took a drink.
"What are you drinking?" Ben asked me.
"Pumpkin juice and rum," I answered.
"Why are you drinking at this time of day?" He demanded.
"It's late in the afternoon Ben, and it's a Saturday. It's not as if we don't have drinks in the Common Room this time of day if we have a party," I answered him. "Cheers," I added before taking another sip.
"Right," he said but he looked worried.
Thankfully, we changed the subject and although I hated to talk about homework, that's what the conversation turned to. It was better than hearing people talk about what a fool Ben was to turn down Ellen.
"So what happened with you and Ellen when you two went outside?" Michael asked Ben a week after our Hogsmeade trip.
It had been a rough week for all of us. Ben and Ellen were no longer speaking, and Stan had dumped Ellen. I had spent a lot of my time trying to comfort her but it wasn't easy. Ben was upset because I wasn't spending as much time with him and Michael once again felt left out. I'd even been tempted to borrow a snackbox from Michael so I could spend time with Ellen, who had missed a few days of classes but I changed my mind. I couldn't afford to miss any classes. I was already so overwhelmed with homework as it was. If I missed any classes I would never catch up. I was looking forward to the Christmas break when I'd have time away from all the homework and drama.
Ellen had started to hang out with Jess, Anne and Erica instead of us. It was the first time we had really hung out since the Hogsmeade trip.
"I asked her if she still had feelings for me, and she said yes," Ben answered him. "I told her she was going to have to get over it. She started to yell a bunch of nonsense about how Ashley and I were betraying her."
"Maybe we are," I answered voicing the thoughts I'd been having since that day. "Ellen liked you first. When it comes to friendships, you're not supposed to go after someone's love interest. I am being a really bad friend by being with you."
"Ellen is being the bad friend," Ben said. "She gave you her permission, not that you needed it, and I have no interest in her. Even if we hadn't gotten together, I still wouldn't have gone for her, as you know since I turned her down in front of you."
"I know," I answered. "But you're not supposed to go there with friend's exes or crushes. It's an unspoken rule."
"Really?" Ben asked and for the first time I could remember in a long time, he looked angry with me. "So we're supposed to deny how we feel about each other for her? She's the one who wanted someone else while she was in a relationship, and she's the one going after her friend's boyfriend. She told both of us that she is okay with it. Even if she weren't, it's not right for us to break up for her benefit. In case you forgot, Stan is Hank's best friend and Ellen is his ex."
"It's not the same thing," I sighed.
"No it's not the same because Hank and Ellen actually dated," Ben responded.
"They were twelve," Michael muttered.
"It doesn't matter," Ben said and he shot a glare at Michael. "Ashley, don't feel guilty about this. Ellen is in the wrong here, not you and not me. She's just going to have to get over it. She's fifteen years old; she is going to move on. You thought you were in love with Denver and you were wrong weren't you? Don't let her ruin a good thing. She'll come around, she always does."
But what if I am wrong about you? I wondered. Was it really worth the risk of our friendship when I could be very wrong? I remembered Rachel telling me when I was thirteen that Denver and I wouldn't last, but I had ignored her. She'd even told me the same thing in the summer but I hadn't really given it much thought. I looked over at Ben and thought about if we broke up for Ellen. I really didn't want to break up with him. I felt so happy and right with him. I didn't want to end things with him. I decided I would write to Rachel later and ask her for advice.
"You're right," I finally said. "I just really hope this doesn't ruin our friendship. You know that if we fight, it's going to affect all four of us. Do you remember second year when we got in that fight?"
"If you and I break up, I don't know if I want to be friends with her anymore anyway," Ben answered.
Michael and I stared at Ben with shock. Ellen was one of his best friends. In the past if girls had gotten jealous, he had broken up with them.
"That's going a bit far isn't it mate?" Michael asked.
"No, it's not," Ben said. "Not this time. My other girlfriends didn't mean as much to me. This is a relationship I want to work, and Ellen knows that. We've talked about this quite a few times. If she was a good friend of mine, she would understand that and put her feelings aside."
All I could think about was how we were just sixteen, and how Rachel had said that the people I dated now wouldn't be the ones I'd date at her age. The last time I had talked to her, she'd been pregnant with a child whose father didn't want to be involved. She was twenty-six years old and she was a beautiful woman. If she couldn't get a man to stick around, how could I stand a chance? I wished I hadn't ever told Ellen the truth about my feelings for Ben. If I hadn't, we wouldn't be in this mess. Either a way a friendship could be over.
I wrote a long letter to Rachel, my mother and my sister about my situation. None of them knew by that point that Denver and me had broken up and I was now with Ben. With everything that had been going on lately I hadn't had time to write detailed letters back. I usually just wrote quick letters. I seriously considered buying them all the message parchments since you didn't need a wand to activate them. It would make life easier for all of us.
While I waited for their responses, I tried my best to be a better friend to Ellen, and a better girlfriend to Ben. Although Ellen didn't appear too upset with me, she watned nothing to do with Ben. Usually she took it in turns to talk to Michael and me, but she never joined us if Ben was around. I wasn't sure how their Quidditch practices were going since Ben refused to talk to her.
I finally got letters from Rachel and my family the day after Slughorn's Halloween party. It had been a late night for us, but for some reason I got up really early the next day. I felt a little hung over since I had drank a lot. I sat in the common room with my head in my hands, debating on whether or not I should start on my Arithmancy homework, which was due very soon. I heard tapping on one of the common room windows and looked up.
I saw a brown barn owl and recognizing it, I hurried over to let it in. Although the windows showed that it was a warm sunny day out, it was actually overcast and chilly. The windows for the Hufflepuff common room were charmed to look as if it were a warm summery day with grass and dandelions. It made the room look more open and sunny.
I noticed the owl had three letters with it, and I figured they'd decided to use the same owl to send me the letters. It was one I had picked out in the owlery for Rachel's letter. Giving it a quick pat, I then turned and hurried back to the table forgetting about my Arithmancy homework for the moment. I decided to read Rachel's letter first before my mother and sister's. I felt that she would probably be the most honest with me.
Ashley,
I had my baby shortly after you went back to school. I was going to write and tell you, but I'd decided to wait until Christmas. I have enclosed some pictures of him. His name is Hayden Jay. The reason I was going to wait was because it was a hard decision for me to make, but in the end I think it's for the best. I would like for you to be his God mother. I've seen the way you are with kids, and you were always one of my favourite kids when I baby-sat. I think you've grown up into a wonderful young woman. I considered Jaime for a while, but I've never been happy with her life choices. Besides, I didn't tell you but I think the man I dated might have been magical. He never told me for sure, but I grew up baby-sitting you and I saw things with his other son. Perhaps his son was just a muggleborn like you are, but maybe not. If my son turns out to be magical, I would be more than happy to have your help with him. I could also be completely wrong about what I saw but I don't think I am.
As for you and Ben? I really think you should stay with him. Ellen is your best friend yes, but she should also understand. When I first met your friends I thought I saw something between you and Ben. You two weren't getting along, but there was still something there. The more I saw the two of you together, even when you were with Denver I believed someday you two would date. That's why I was so insistent that you and Denver wouldn't stay together. The two of you were young, and I believed what you had was puppy love. I didn't think you and Ben would realise you two were meant to be together until you were much older though. I also had a feeling there would be a love triangle between the three of you. Do not ruin your relationship with Ben for Ellen. If you were with Michael, I would tell you to end it but not with Ben. I know I told you in the summer that you wouldn't be with the same person you dated at sixteen when you're my age, but that's only because I thought you and Denver would be together for a while. I just didn't want you to go through what you did in your second year again. If Ellen is a true friend, she'll understand about you and Ben. I'm sure she will. I've always like that girl. I'm sure at the moment she is just in shock and she has a broken heart. She will move on though. She'll meet the one she is meant to be with, and she'll soon forget about her feelings for Ben.
Hope you're having a good term otherwise. I'll see you during your Christmas holidays so you can meet your God son.
-Rachel
I read over Rachel's letter twice feeling overwhelmed and excited at the same time. I never thought that she would pick me as the God mother to her son. If anyone, I believed she would pick my mother or her best friend Eleanor. I never thought Jaime or I would be an option because we were younger, and she saw as her little sisters. I was shocked that I had been her favourite to baby-sit for when I had just been a shy little girl who whined a lot. I opened the envelope and took out two pictures and gazed down at newborn Hayden. If my God son was magical, he was definitely going to be going to my school if I could open one.
After I finished looking at the pictures, I opened my sister and my mother's letters next. Their advice about Ben was the same as Rachel's. They also thought that I shouldn't ruin things with Ben for Ellen. So everyone had believed that eventually Ben and I would end up together. My sister thought it was funny that he'd had a crush on her, and now he was with me.
"What are these?"
I looked up to see Ben. His hair was a mess and he looked a little pale. He had a lot more to drink than I had. He'd disappeared for a bit with some of the boys to do shots. He was holding up the pictures of Hayden.
"Still can't get over the fact that muggle photo's don't move. Are these pictures of Rachel's new baby?" He asked.
I nodded. "And guess what? She asked me to be Godmother. I'm really surprised that she would pick me of all people."
"I'm not, she has a lot of respect for you," Ben said and yawned. "She's only ever had good things to say about you when we've talked to each other. I still haven't forgotten how much she scared me in my first year when she told me off. She loves you."
"It's not just that," I said. "She thinks that Hayden might be magical. She said that his half-brother showed magical signs, so either the father is magical or the brother is muggleborn. That's part of the reason she asked me. If Hayden turns out to be magical too, I can help out a lot."
I hesitated as I looked down at my other letters. I wasn't sure if it would make him angry that I had asked for advice from them or not. I decided that it was better not to keep secrets though, so I explained what she'd said about us and what my mother and sister had also said.
"I wrote to Barry and my sisters as well," Ben said. "Our situation is so complicated and Ellen isn't making it any easier. She was the one who pushed us together, so I can't believe she is so upset now. She's now upset with Michael as well because she found out it was him who told Stan."
"There's a difference between knowing we liked each other to seeing us together though," I said. "She seemed supportive until she saw us on our first date. When Denver and I first broke up, I thought I was okay with him dating until I actually saw him on a date with another girl. I know my situation is a little different but I think her feelings for you are stronger than just a crush Ben. I think we are just going to have to give her time to deal with it."
"I do feel bad," Ben said and he pointed at the letters on the table, "but these letters prove that we should put ourselves first. Everyone thinks we were meant to be together. I'm just sorry that she and Stan broke up. She needs someone to support her through this. We should be the ones to support her but as she doesn't want to be around us, and she isn't talking to Michael now I don't know what to do."
"But at the same time, it's not fair to Stan for her to stay with him," I said. "I feel bad for her, but Stan really liked her a lot. I wouldn't want to be with someone who had feelings for someone else. It's why I decided to end things with Denver; it wouldn't be fair to him."
"It's the reason I had trouble finding a girlfriend," Ben said. "I didn't think it would be right. I was hoping I could get over you, and then meet someone. It's one of the other reasons why I told you to go for Denver. I thought once I saw the two of you together, I would move on. It didn't work though. So I guess maybe Ellen felt the same way. I really don't want us to fight."
"Well you two already are," I said. "And you said you would end your friendship with her if it affects us."
"If she brings it to a point where you and I end up ending it, then yes I will. I hope it won't come to that. I hope she moves on," Ben said. "I am not prepared to stop dating you just because she's upset. She's my best friend, but so are you and I've always felt closer to you."
"I know," I said. "Let's not worry about that now. Can you help me with this Arithmancy assignment please?"
"Ellen can you please be honest with me? Are you angry with me?" I asked one morning, she was lying in bed on her side.
It had been weeks since we'd really talked to each other. Ellen was spending more and more time away from us. Before when my friends and I had seem to go our separate ways it hadn't hurt as much because we were still friendly with each other. This time it was because Ellen just didn't want to be around Ben and me. I could see that she was losing weight as well, and she couldn't afford to. She was already so thin. Her marks were also going down.
"I'm not angry with you," she answered in a dull voice. "I am not even angry with Ben anymore. I was, but I'm not anymore. I stand by what I said, I know you two are good together and we aren't. I just can't help how I feel. Even when Ben turned me down, I hoped there would always be a small chance for us. As soon as I saw the two of you actually together on a date I realized my chance was over. Not only that, but I ruined things with Stan. My life just isn't going well at the moment. My grades have gone down, I feel like everyone hates me and I'm so alone."
"No one hates you," I said.
"Everyone was in Hogsmeade when Stan and I broke up; they all know I have feelings for Ben. They witnessed everything," she said. "I bet they hate me as much as they hate Melanie."
"They don't hate you," I said. "You haven't done anything nearly as bad as Melanie has. Melanie is always ratting people out or trying to sabotage people. I know you haven't really talked to Michael lately, but from what I heard she is trying to ruin anything that might happen between him and Sarah. You're just someone who accidentally fell for her friend. You would never try and break Ben and me up."
"Not on purpose," Ellen said. "But part of me in Hogsmeade was hoping that Ben would realize he wanted me and that you would just go back to Denver. So you should hate me. I am a horrible friend."
"No you're not," I disagreed. "Ellen, if you were such a horrible person then why did you push Ben and me together? You did that even though you still wanted him."
"I overheard you and Ben talking, he thinks I am a bad friend," Ellen muttered. "And he's right. I've been horrible. He even said if I ruin your relationship he'll stop hanging out with me."
"That's a big 'if' Ellen," I said. "But you won't if you don't want to. I worried for a while too, because I want Ben and I want you and me to stay friends."
"I'll get over it," Ellen said. "I know I will. I guess I just have to get used to it. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable. I should really talk to Michael too. I know he didn't mean any harm by telling Stan. It's probably better if things ended anyway."
"So now I want you to start studying more, and eating Ellen," I said. "You've lost too much weight and you're already thin as it is. This is OWL year; you can't do this to yourself. If it's too hard for you to study with Ben and me, you and I will study on our own sometimes. I just want to see you in classes and doing your work and at every meal in the Great Hall."
Ellen let out a groan. "Don't remind me," she sighed. "I am so far behind right now. Do you think Ben will help me?"
"Of course he will; he still wants to be friends with you Ellen," I said. "Get out of bed and let's go up."
Ellen sat up and stretched before she got out of bed. I had to wonder when her last meal was, and I felt guilty. I should have checked on her sooner like she had for me back in second year.
"I'm just going to have a shower first," Ellen told me.
Good I thought to myself. It would give me time to go to the kitchens to grab her some food. She needed to eat something.
"I'll meet you in the common room then," I said.
I went up to the common room quickly, and found Ben and Michael talking to each other. I was glad to find them alone, and not with the other Hufflepuff's. We hadn't really hung around with the others since the Hogsmeade weekend though. I saw Alana across the room, who waved to me so I waved back. I felt bad that I hadn't really talked to her or Rory and Derek as much as I had the year before. I hadn't even talked to the new first years as much as I'd wanted to.
"Ellen is going to come and join us," I said as I sat down.
"She finally wants to join us?" Ben asked.
"I think she's always wanted to, but she didn't think we wanted to," I answered. "Ben, she's in bad shape. We should have talked to her sooner."
I told them everything that I had noticed.
"I'll get her the food," Michael said and he got up. "You're right; we should have gone to her sooner."
He quickly walked off to get her food.
Ben looked worried. "I would have if I'd known it was that bad. I just thought she was avoiding us. You know how she gets sometimes. I didn't even realize she wasn't eating. I should have noticed. We're going to have watch her, and make sure that she's eating."
"She's worried that the Hufflepuff's hate her like they did Melanie, and for the record she heard you say that you'd end your friendship with her," I said.
"I'll talk to her later," Ben said. "For now let's just see if we can get her back to normal."
Michael was back before Ellen came, but that was normal for her. She could take a long time in the shower when she wanted to. He'd brought her some sandwiches and pumpkin juice. I knew all three of us felt as if we were awful friends for neglecting her. Ben was likely even feeling horrible about what he'd said about ending their friendship.
When she finally appeared, she looked better than she had but she was still pale.
"Eat," Michael told her as soon as she sat down.
"Thanks," she said and then looked at Ben, "I'm sorry Ben, I really wasn't trying to ruin your relationship. I had hopes you'd come to me, but I wasn't going to try and break the two of you up."
"I know," Ben said. "And I am sorry too. We didn't treat you very well. We should have noticed sooner that you weren't just avoiding us."
"It's fine, really," Ellen answered. "I just didn't think anyone wanted to talk to me. I was angry at first, but after a while I was upset."
"And I am sorry I told Stan," Michael said. "It slipped out. Everyone was talking about it in Hogsmeade and I spoke without thinking. I'd take it back if I could."
"It's probably for the best anyway," Ellen said with a weak smile and she looked over at Ben and me. "I do still have feelings for you Ben, but I will never wreck your relationship either. It's just when I saw you two on a date, it actually really hit me. I'll meet someone else, I know I will."
"Just finish eating, and then we can catch you up on your school work," Ben said. "We're just going to forget about the Hogsmeade day."
"Sounds good to me, not the school work but I'd like to move on," Ellen answered. "This is the last I'll ever bring it up."
Michael was giving Ben a funny look. I often wondered if he still liked her. He'd said many times that if he had the chance to be with her, he'd take it. I'd overheard him and Jared talking that Ben was an idiot to pick me over Ellen.
"Hoofer is such an idiot, why would be pick Ashley when he could have Ellen. If I had a choice between the two, it would be Ellen all the way," Jared had said.
"You shagged Ashley," Michael had said. "More than once. So you'd obviously take her, and you probably would again if you two were both single."
"She has an amazing body, and she's grown into her looks somewhat. She's not beautiful, but she's not ugly anymore either. I didn't say I'd say no to her, but if it were between Ellen and Ashley? Ellen would win hands down," Jared had answered.
"I think most of the guys in our year would as well, except maybe Denver but he's a strange one," Michael had answered. "Do you know how much I wish I could be Ben sometimes? He doesn't even realize how lucky he is, and he settles for Ashley."
"I don't think he's settling mate," Jared had said.
"I still can't believe you of all people shagged her. What was she like?"
I felt a bit embarrassed by that part. I hadn't thought of the fact that Jared might share details about our sex life with others. I had never thought it would be with Michael.
"I'm not going into details about it, I've told you before that I won't," Jared answered. "I don't regret it, and if I had the chance again I'd shag her and that's all I am saying. Why are you so interested in knowing? Were you hoping for a shag with her?"
"Nope, I still don't find her attractive and I never will, that would be the same as shagging Maisie," Michael had said.
I'd felt hurt by that, but I knew that his opinion would never change of me, even if he felt bad for being mean to me in the past.
"Wow mate you're really comparing her to Maisie? Maisie is disgusting, she doesn't even shower. I sit behind her in Charms and she stinks. That's insulting someone who is supposed to be your best friend," Jared had replied somewhat angrily.
I glanced over at Michael who was now looking at Ellen. There was some love in his eyes, and I knew he still did have feelings for her even if he didn't show it. He knew he'd never have a chance with her, just like Ellen knew she didn't have a chance with Ben. It made me feel sad for my friends and I wondered how we'd come to this. I honestly hoped Sarah would end up being the girl for Michael and Ellen would find the boy meant for her. I wasn't sure how I'd manage to get so lucky, but if I could then I knew they could since they were both attractive enough.