Sorry, I couldn't upload this the other day. I had it written for a while but my internet wasn't working:(
Finn POV.
Her face contorts in different emotions for a couple of seconds before settling on her lips quivering and her eyes filling with tears, but I don't see it. I don't see the real sympathy. I was right, I was right all along. Of course she would go for Will.
I'm just Finn.
I glance at him. He is beginning to stand up, a sorrowful look on his face. But I can see see right through him. I can see right through his pity, I can see his unfaltering grin beneath it all.
I would say at least she was happy but now a tear is falling from her breathtaking eyes. But I still don't see it.
"I'll leave you two to it then," I say, my voice seething with hatred, bubbling with jealousy.
I turn around, about to walk to the door when Rose grabs my arm.
"Finn," she says. I turn to face her. Her eyes plead for me to stay, everything does but I still don't see it.
"I have to go now," I take my arm from her grip and storm out the room before she can stop me.
I hear her calling after me and her footsteps following me. I walk as fast as my leg can take, the temporary bandage is holding me back but I can't take her. I can't take any of it.
I storm out of the house and down the lane.
How could I have thought that a lie could change everything? Playing pretend could turn into something real. Why did I let myself dream of the possibilities?
Rose Mellark has to be nothing to me now. Nothing because she has chosen. She has chosen Will and that's fine. It will be fine. I will move on. We will be in love for seven days and we will figure out this goddamn mystery then we will part ways. Never to see eachother again and I won't feel a thing. I won't miss her dark, wavy hair or her piercing blue eyes, I won't miss her arms around me or her laugh that warms me to the bone.
Rose Mellark is just a girl. Just a girl who I have to forget.
I slowly inch myself from the wall to the sand. I walk across the shore line, the foam of the waves coming up to touch my feet.
I walk until I get the rocks and I bring myself, with difficulty, to the top. I hobble across the jagged surface until I get to the edge. No one can see me here. No one can hear me here. No one will ever find me here.
I sit on the edge and look down at the drop to the water.I pick up a tiny rock from beside me and plop it into the water. It makes a small splash but I can't hear the sound from the roar of the wavs crashing against the rocks. That tiny rock is almost like my heart, being plunged into
How did I let this happen? How did I let myself fall for her so deeply, I don't know if I will ever be able to get out of this. Get myself out of loving Rose Mellark.
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"Finn! There you are," Mother says as I walk through the door. "We were worried."
"Sorry," I say. "I just went for a walk."
Mother raises her eyebrow, she knows something is up. I long for my Mother's comfort but I need to stay strong for this. I have to stand alone.
"We're all in the living room," she says. She raises her eyebrows. "You want to come?"
No. I want to lock myself in my room and hide for the rest of the week. But I can't. This is a test. She knows something is up and I can't raise any more suspicion.
"Sure," I say chirpily.
I'm about to walk into the living room when she places a hand on my shoulder. I turn around and look at her. She smiles warmly at me.
"You can tell me if anything is wrong, I'll be right here, okay Finnie?" she whispers, kissing the top of my head.
All I want to do is fling myself into her arms and cry. Spill all my secrets, let her heal my heartbreak but I just smile and give her a quick hug.
"Of course," I say but she can tell this is a lie. The hurt is showing in her eyes. She smiles weakly, takes my hand and squeezes it.
My throat is getting tighter and I blink rapidly to get the tears out of my eyes.
It's too much. I can't handle it any longer.
"Mother!" I call.
She twists around.
"I need to tell you something," I say. She comes towards me again.
"I'm…" lying to you.
"I… I can't…" look at you the same way ever again.
"What is is, sweetie?" she urges.
"I've… we've…" been invading your secret past.
"I'm sorry," I sigh. "It's just completely slipped my mind." I laugh slightly. "Let's go in!"
She gives me a look. A look of disappointment.
I let one tear roll down my cheek. Then I wipe it away and putting on my most winning smile.
I barge through the door and see the whole group chatting away. Laughing and conversing. Hurting and pretending. Hiding the tears, hiding the scars.
"Hey Finn!" Luke exclaims. Lifting his hand in a wave. "Where were you hiding?"
I laugh, hoping the truth in the joke doesn't show.
I keep my eyes focused on the floor.
What do I do now?
I sigh weakly through gritted teeth.
Just pretend.
I turn my gaze to where Rose is sitting, she sits up rigid on the couch. Eyes like hawks, asessing my every move.
I grin and with big strides, walk over the couch and plop myself beside her.
We look to eachother with shy smiles plastered on our faces.
She glances over to the people surrounding us and rolls her eyes playfully.
"Everybody knows," she drones with a hint of laughter. "To hell with it."
Unhesitant, she takes my hand and leans back on the couch.
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My jaw is aching at this point. My fingers itch to be released. I am repulsed with the girl sitting next to me, too close. But all I want to do is shake the bad memories away so I can start again. So it wouldn't mean anything if I just scooped her up in my arms and kissed her. But I couldn't.
Or am I just being paranoid.
I look around the room until my eyes catch Kate. She smiles reassuringly and looks from left to right, checking if anyone is watching her. She mouths something, 'talk'.
I groan inwardly and turn to face Rose. Immediately she looks at me.
"Hi," I say. I quirk the side of my lip up and awkwardly avoid her gaze.
"Hi," she replies.
My hand feels dead in hers. She's so close but she feels a million miles away.
I tell myself that I couldn't care less.
I bite the inside of my cheek till the point of pain.
"I'm sorry," she says quietly, desperately, longingly.
I shrug.
"It's fine," I lie.
She nods and a look of pain flashes across her features, then quickly replaced with a smile.
"So," I say with a sigh. "The weather is nice."
She frowns and purses her lips, blinking rapidly.
With that mundane question I think it made something painfully clear to both of us.
It will only ever be pretend.