3:13 AM. I've never slept so badly in my whole life. Not even in prison, when I was fearing for my life, not even in the SHU, not even when I slept outside alone in the woods, not even…well, it's not true. I do remember clearly a couple of times in which I've slept even worse than today. But what's the only thing that all my shitty nights have in common? Easy, Alex Vause. Alex fucking Vause.
Obsessive questions with no answers. All. Night. Long. Usually I would walk outside a little bit with Ralph, but the risk of bumping into her is too big, even with the rain. How's that possible, anyway? She's everywhere. It's not like she's put a GPS implant under my skin, but it surely feels like it. It's like we're…connected…but in a sick and hurtful way.
4:02 AM. Martha is so peaceful even when she sleeps, with her mouth slightly open. She's so cute. She doesn't deserve any of this.
4:28 AM. I'm sweaty and I'm turning around in my damp sheets, trying not to wake up her. I just want some peace, is it too much to ask?
4:35 AM. What if she wasn't faking it? What if…no, I can't go there.
4:53 AM. I've got to call Nicky. Is it now a good time? What the fuck was going on in that crazy head of hers? Did she really thought this could be a good idea? To force someone to do something? To force Alex, of all people?
5:14 AM. Finally! It's five. Another hour and then I'll have a reason to leave the bed and officially end this fucking night.
5:46 AM. I'm not gonna talk to her, I will not even look at her. Not right now. I need some time to calm the fuck down and sort everything out. You can't be clear headed if you're in the middle of the fucking storm. In every sense. This has got to stop, one way or another. The fact that I have no idea about what everything means is irrelevant. I need to focus on my life, on what's good, on who's lying next to me. The present. And the future. Not the past.
6:00 AM. Thank god. I'm up.
By the time Martha's awake, I've already cleaned up the kitchen, fixed the broken window in Cabin 3, taken out all the board games and the raincoats from the storage room and finished the paperwork I had to do. Everything is clean, in order and, hopefully, waterproof. There's nothing more for me to do, and this scares me a lot. It's still raining outside, the weather report confirmed that the big storm is hitting us later tonight. We just have to wait, probably here, in this room. My mind doesn't want to go there, but there's no escape from this, I'm going to spend the entire day in the same room as Alex, without my fiancè. And without her girlfriend. Not that it matters. I don't know how I'm feeling, if there's a part of me that is happy about this, I can't feel it right now. I just know that it will drain me emotionally. One way or another, again.
"Hey beautiful!" Martha's voice brings me back to the present and out of my head.
"Hello to you babe. Did you sleep well?" I can't help but smile at the sleepy face that has just entered through the kitchen door. She's still wearing her "camp pajamas", aka my Smith's t-shirt and a pair of green horrible shorts. Her hair is in a messy bun and I feel the need to kiss her right on the spot. And I do it.
I almost expect Alex to walk in in this exact moment, in the last days I've discovered that whoever is in charge of destiny or fate has a really twisted sense of humour. But it doesn't happen, so I can relax into this hug and try hard to clean my head and focus on this. This is good.
"Mmm, definitely well. You?" she whispers still in my arms.
"Good" I lie.
"Your face says otherwise…"
"I just don't want you to go…" I channel my puppy eyes face.
"Come on, Pip, what's up, really? You've never been like this before… I'm not saying that you were happy to see me go last week, but… I don't understand, I'll be back in two days…We've been away much longer" her hands are on my cheeks and she's looking at me with such love and apprehension that I just can't. I can't take it anymore.
"…I know you too well, something is bothering that little cute head of yours…. What is it babe? You know you can tell me anything…" her sweet touch can't block the bitter of the bile that I can feel in the back of my throat or the tears that I can feel burning through my tear ducts. How can I tell her? I know I have to, but how?
As I'm about to break down, someone enters the room. If it's Alex I fucking swear that I will hit her.
"Good morning lovebirds! Ready for the road trip?" It's Sandy. Already perfectly dressed and with the perfect make up on. No Alex on the horizon. Martha's hands and eyes haven't left my face.
"Am I interrupting something?" Sandy says a little too joyful for my taste. She broke the spell, the moment is gone.
"Nope!" I say equally cheerful. I break eye contact with my fiancé and I move towards the sink. "Coffee, Sandy?"
"Oh, that would be lovely Piper"
"Martha, coffee?" I ask my beautiful and still worried girlfriend.
"No thanks, I'm going to get dressed so we're ready to go, fill me a to-go cup" Her eyes say other things. Her eyes say 'We're not even close to be done'. I know she's right.
After 10 minutes of small talk, Martha is back, with her bag on her shoulder and the car keys on her palm.
"Ready Sandy?"
"More than ready!" she stands abruptly from the chair, giving me an half heart attack. My nerves are dancing on the surface of my skin, I just need a puff of wind to jump.
Martha has seen the scene and she approaches me with a look that I know too well.
"Goodbye Piper" her words are too formal, in contrast with the way she's hugging me. I hug her as close as I can. "We're going to talk when you're back" I whisper to her while I bury my face on her neck.
"Promise?"
"Promise". And I mean it.
"Ok" peck on the lips "I love you Blondie".
"I love you too, Love" And I mean it.
Outside the kitchen cabin, the hell is breaking loose. I've never seen so much rain falling down at the same time. They're not drops, they're like buckets of water thrown by a giant Godzilla. Someone is pissed up there in the sky, maybe as pissed as me.
It's 6 PM, I'm here since 6 AM. 12 hours of incessant rain and 12 hours of no Alex. Zero. Like she doesn't even exist. But I know she's here. I guess she's barricaded into her cabin, resisting the urge to come in the kitchen and find something to eat. Call me arrogant, or delusional, but I think she's doing it just to avoid me.
It's funny how almost 24 hours has passed without me seeing her and I'm already questioning my mental sanity. Speaking of which, I need to talk to Nicky, and I need to do it now, before the storm will hit so hard that the cell signal would disappear. I need to get back to my cabin, even if it means leaving all the guests here without my supervision. I just hope that they won't kill each other…I can see a very heated game of scrabble in the table closer to the window and, judging by the colour of Donny's face, someone is ready to burst.
"Rosa, I need to check something, I'm leaving for a few minutes, can I leave the fort in your hands?"
"Oh course, darling, but can't you wait a little bit for the rain to slow down? You're going to get wet!"
"I'll be fast, I promise!" I say as I put my cell into a little plastic bag and a giant red raincoat on.
"Can you please go check on Martha too? She texted me a few hours ago but I haven't heard from her since" So, it wasn't a dream after all. She's real. And what about the fact that Rosa has her cell number and they text each other?
"I'll see what I can do Rosa, but I'm sure she's good" What I really wanted to say was "No way I'm going to go check on her. No. Way."
I open the door and a gust of wind slaps my face, and for a moment I'm tempted to stay inside the cabin with all the others, where everything is dry, warm and drama free, but, in a flash, Alex's words from last night pop up in my mind and I'm suddenly ready to face the wet, cold and dramatic storm with Ralph on my heels. He hates the storm, especially when the thunders strike. He may be a social dog, but when he's frightened, my puppy always comes to mommy.
With my head held high, I start to run.
I'm already soaking wet after 5 seconds, I can't see anything, the water is everywhere, it feels like it's raining from the ground up. I just run on autopilot, why the fuck did I think it was a good idea to call Nicky now?
I know where I am, I can see the shape of Alex's cabin, but I know what to do, I keep on running until I realize that something is missing…so I stop.
"Raaaaaaalph! Ralph where are you?" I start to scream, but I seriously doubt he can hear me. "Raaaalph!" I start to run back, and I look in all directions until I finally see some movements.
Of course he's outside Alex's cabin and he's scratching her door like a maniac. I run towards him.
"Ralph! Ralph!" He's crying. As I approach him, I see Alex's shadow on the window, she's probably heard something and she's checking it out. She's alive, good for her, now I've got something to say to Rosa.
"Ralph, honey, I'm here now, I'm here. Everything is good" I pet him to calm him, but I want to get the hell away from this place, I'm starting to shiver for the cold and I swear that the rain is running also under my skin and into my veins. I take him by the collar and I start to walk in my cabin's direction. I don't turn around on purpose, I swear, but when I do, there's nothing on the window.
Alex Vause is just a shadow, again.
Finally home. Or cabin, in this case. I let Ralph inside even if I think he's going to get everything messy and dirty, but he's so scared that he goes directly in his favourite corner of the room and he curls up in a shivering ball. My heart melts and so, as soon as I take off my raincoats and I release my luckily still dry phone, I go sit there with him on my lap, just like a did a few days ago when I first saw the girl I'm running from now.
She picks up after the third ring.
"Yo Chapman! Are you calling me from Noah's ark?"
"Hello there, Nicky. How are you?" I articulate the words very very slowly.
"Good, good. Ya know, same old shit. The renovation of the club is almost complete, so, I can go back to make money from this bitch real soon. Is the weather giving you problems? I saw some ugly stuff on the news report!"
Silence. I don't answer.
"Chapman? Chapman, you still there?"
"Yep" Still silence. I can hear the gears in her brain moving like crazy.
"…is everything good? "
"Yep. Nothing new here, or maybe not. Maybe there's something we should talk about, or not. Or someone. I don't know, what do you think?"
"…oh, fuck!" she sounds mortified. "Listen Piper…"
I interrupt her with a laughter, she rarely uses my first name. How can someone stay mad at her?
"Nicky, really? Calling you was the first thing I had in mind when I first saw her. Well, maybe not really the first thing, but I knew she would eventually call you, as I would have done if I wasn't so fucking shocked to see Alex fucking Vause as a redhead!" A moment passes before she answers.
"So, is she hot?"
"Nicky!" I shout at her, half pissed, half amused. Ralph raises his head and looks at me puzzled.
"Sorry, sorry, you can't blame a girl for trying. So, how's it going?" Her tone even if it's casual, is really cautious, she's trying really hard to be considerate. I deeply love her.
"I think you have already a clear idea about that. Don't you?"
"What do you mean?" She's confused, so I decide to give her the plain truth.
"I overheard her speaking to you on the phone yesterday"
Silence.
"Nicky?"
"…fuck"
"Yes, fuck. Now I need you to tell me everything you know. Now." My tone is so clear and direct that I surprise myself.
"Piper, I can't…"
"What do you mean you can't? You owe me that much!" I'm hurt. And pissed.
"Piper, girl. You know I love you. I didn't want to, I've always fight it, but I do love you. And I also love her, you know it. She was my girl way before you came into the picture, she's family, just like you are now. So you can't ask me to fucking betray family. Please. I feel like I'm the child in the middle of a divorce! You both should stop asking me stuff and just talk to each other."
She's right, I know she's right, but I fucking hate it. My blood is boiling and I register what she's just said only after a few seconds.
"Wait, did-did she ask you something about me?"
"Fuck Chapman, that's exactly why I'm not telling you anything. To the both of you!"
"Please Nicky, I need to know! I really don't understand her. Help me a little bit. I'm going crazy, I'm not kidding, one time she's good, the other she's a bitch, what does she want from me? I'm going insane, I was going to tell Martha everything this morning.."
"Wait, you haven't tell Martha about Alex?" There's pure shock in her voice. A wave of guilt rises inside of me, everyone is expecting me to be honest with her, but I'm lying to my future wife.
"No. Not yet. She knows about Alex, of course, but she doesn't know that she is… well, the other Martha. I know I should have told her but…I don't know Nicky, I don't want to drag her into this, she doesn't deserve to see me like this, she wouldn't understand. Especially if this turns out to be…well… nothing. Nothing, just an unlucky encounter with a ghost who won't stop haunting me…"
"It's not nothing Piper, you know it. It took you three years of therapy to get rid of the guilt you felt. I was there… It's not nothing, if you're what you are now, it's because of that. It's normal to feel like that. It's not nothing."
My eyes are starting to burn from the tears that I'm desperately blocking.
"It is for her" I'm whispering, I don't even know if she's heard.
"Piper…" yes, she did hear me. And she isn't answering. "Piper please…"
I wipe out some unshed tears with the palm of my hand. She's right. I know she's right.
"Sorry, I know… You're right. You can't tell me anything…"
Silence.
Maybe the line is dead.
"Nicky, you there?"
"Yes" She sounds…annoyed.
"Are we good?" I can hear loud and clear her sigh.
"Fuck you Piper. Alright. You can ask me what you want, but I will decide IF I can answer or not. Are we clear?"
"What?" Oh my god.
"Oh, you heard me right, girl. Now go, shoot, before I change my mind"
So now what? There are too many things I want to know. So many. And I can already hear the line cracking, I don't have much time.
"Blondie, you there? Talking to you is getting boring…"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm here. Just give me a sec. " I'm on my feet, pacing around the room still soaking wet. Ralph is looking at me very perplexed. I need to start somewhere.
"Did she know that this was my camp?"
"Wait, what? What kind of question is that? Of course not."
"Do you think that she would have come if she had found out that the camp was mine?"
"Bad question. Not answering. Next" There's something strange in her tone.
"Did YOU know that she was coming here?"
"How could you even think about something like that? I'm offended that you even asked." I know Nicky, that bitch is lying. She knew it, maybe she even suggested it. I can't fucking believe it. But I need to postpone any outrage and focus on what I really want to know.
"Does she really hate me?"
"Ask her"
"Nicky, come on!"
"Ask her, that's all you're getting from me, so stop asking."
I need to change strategy.
"Did you force her to talk to me?"
"Blondie… come on!"
"Did you? I heard her talking on the phone with you, Nicky. She was pissed…"
"So why are you asking if you already know the answer?"
"Because I want to hear it coming from your mouth, Judas"
"Piper, come on! I didn't force her to do anything. You know her. I just asked her to give you a chance…I asked her to try to act nicely to you for a few days…"
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you do that?"
"You know why…"
"Tell me anyway"
Silence.
"Alright. I did it because you need closure. Ok? And I hate you for what I'm about to say, because it's cheesy as fuck, but you deserve it. Yes, you messed up, and you were an asshole, but you've became something else and you saved my ass more than once, and I thought she just needed to see it, to see you. And it's not only about you, I know it sounds stupid, but she's coming in NY and I guess it would be nice hanging around together without having to worry about what to say and to whom. It's been five fucking years, can't she-I mean you-can't you both be civil and get it over with?"
I love her so much that it hurts. My tears now are tears of pure love, I feel stupid for not having thought about this as the reason behind everything.
"PoPi, you there?"
"Yeah, I'm here you fucking crazy haired bitch. I wasn't expecting that, and I love you too" I say with a smile on my face.
"So, you got it?"
"Yep, that's all? I mean, are those all the reasons why you asked her to be nice to me?"
"No, you know they're not, but that's all you're going to get from me on this argument. Is it clear?"
"Yes"
"Are we good Blondie? Do I need to take off our friendship bracelet?"
"You can keep it, but you owe me a night out when I get back. Alcohol and sushi"
"Deal" I feel the relief in her voice.
"How?"
"How what?"
"How did you manage to convince her to act nicely?"
She's laughing from her belly.
"You don't give up, don't you?"
"Did you blackmailed her? Did you bribe her?" I honestly want to know, but I'm laughing as I'm saying that.
"You know that a thief never reveals its secrets. Or was it a magician? Or a prostitute? Anyway, it wasn't that difficult after all…"
I'm shivering because I'm wet and freezing, but something inside me burns.
"Well, don't expect me to thank you for this mess, but I kind of appreciate the effort…"
"I'm here to serve. By the way, is it? A mess I mean…"
"Well, you were on the phone with her last night. I haven't seen her since. I guess she's locked in her cabin, throwing darts at our pictures."
"Sorry about that, really… I've never really thought about your wedding and your mom, and her mom and your break-up, I mean, maybe I should have said something…"
"Or maybe you shouldn't have said anything at all" I interrupt her, because even if her intentions were good, she kind of manipulated the situation.
"Yeah, you're right. But maybe she would have left after the first day, when she called me she was pretty determined to run the fuck away"
"Maybe it would have been for the best"
"Hey, don't say that"
"Why? What do I have now? A fucked up mind, no closure and I'm lying to my fiancé. And for what? A couple of days of insults and of outstretched hands that were probably the results of you begging her to talk to me?"
"Do you remember what you did when I got out of prison and Morello invited us to her child's baptism?"
"Yeah…" I already know where she wants to go with this.
"Maybe you should remember it better, because not only you forced me to go and to comb my hair, but you also hold my fucking hand all night long the day before. And do you remember what you told me during the ceremony when I wanted to run the fuck out of that place and back in prison?"
"Yeah, I do"
"Do you? Really? What was it? Let me hear it again."
She's annoying. "I told you that you needed to face your demons if you wanted to go on with your life, especially if there was something still unresolved with said demons"
"Oh, very good. Very very good. Sounds familiar?"
"I know what you mean, but in this case it's different"
"Really, different? I don't think so. Remember when I found out that it was you who said to Lorna to include me in the invitation?"
"It wasn't like that! She wanted you to be there, she just didn't know if you were up to it!"
"And who said that Alex didn't want to talk to you either?"
I stop everything and my face is pure disbelief. "Really? She wanted to?"
"On some really fucking deep subconscious level, I'm sure she did!"
I laugh so much that my belly hurts.
"Go fuck yourself Nichols!"
"Gladly my dear, gladly. See? This is karma, coming back for you to kick your ass. Do you remember how arrogant you were when I was in your place? Now you know why they say that it's easy to be a gay man with somebody else's butt"
I'm really laughing too much, I'm hysterical. "Ewwww! Why do you have to be always so gross?"
"Oh, because you love me! Actually, talking about fucking, this reminds me of what I did at the baptism party. Do you remember also that?"
"How can I forget it? You used my mother's car to fuck that crazy girl. What was her name? Shonda? Wanda?"
"It was Rhonda, thank you. And she lately introduced me to her cousin Nate, who now is my very proud and rich business partner. See? Everything comes for a reason."
"I give you that. So, I'm curious, how do you see this thing ending?"
"Well, I certainly hope not in the backseat of a car without your clothes on, because this time I think it wouldn't be because of sex, but because of your murder. And, of course, if you betray the real Martha with Alex, I'm going to kill you myself."
"Don't worry. That's the only thing that's never going to happen…"
"Seriously though, I don't care what you do. Just find a way to put everything behind you. I don't care how, just do it. It would be ideal if you both could talk and do it together, and maybe in a few months we will be dancing at the club with our orange jumpsuits on"
"Go fuck yourself again Nichols!"
"Watch your language, inmate!"
"Remember me why we're still friends…"
"Because you love me?"
"Yeah, that's right, I do. Against my better judgement, but I do"
"So, now that we are good again, can we talk about the weather? I'm starting to feel static on the line, is everything ok?"
"Honestly, I've never seen something this big before. I've done everything I should have done to secure everything but the wind is blowing so hard that I fear it's gonna rip off the roofs…"
Just like on clue, a thunder strikes and Ralph starts to howl.
"What was it?" She's worried, I can feel it.
"Nothing, just a thunder and Ralph is getting scared. I think I need to go back to the kitchen and help everyone to barricade in their cabin. The cabins are the safest place in this freaking weather"
"I can't hear you well Chapman, are you going?"
"Yeah Nicky, I think the lines are dying, can you call Martha and tell her that I'm good?"
"Which one?"
"Go fuck yourself again" I say between laughers and the line is officially dead.
What I said about the storm is real. It's bigger than I expected. The windows are shaking like there's an earthquake, I need to get everyone safe into their cabin and help them close all the windows from outside. This means that I will get even more wet and frozen than now, so I better hurry up.
I take my raincoat, even though it's not very useful and I go towards the door. I turn around to look at Ralph. He's shaking like hell. Thunders are like gun shots in his ears and gun shots mean beatings and violence. I wish I could stay with him, but first I need to go and secure all the guests.
"I'll be back soon" I shout at him before closing the door. It's difficult to do so because the wind is really strong, that's why we need to put an extra wooden table in front of every cabin's door and window.
As I take the first step outside, what I see really scares me. Everything is grey, the visibility is non-existent and the trees are a black mass of moving and waving danger. And the water, the water is everywhere. I need to stop for a second halfway to the kitchen cabin because a gasp of wind almost throws me on the ground, this is incredible. The water is running everywhere, inside my clothes, inside my nose, I almost choke. I've never been happier to reach the kitchen.
The faces that are looking at me are the faces of worried people. As the owner of this place I have the responsibility to keep everyone safe.
"So, listen up everyone! This is what we are going to do. The storm is hitting us right now, but according to the weather report, by tomorrow morning everything will be over. The cabins are all equipped for situations like these, the foundations are deep and strong. The only weak points are the windows and the door, that's why now me, Danny, Jason and Al, are going to help each one of you inside your cabin and we're going to fix extra wooden protection from the outside to your windows and door. You just need to stay inside and wait it out. If the storm will cut our power, and it will, we've got two electric generators that can give us enough power to live and have a rave party for three days. So, just wait a few minutes for them to start. In case you need anything, we're going to provide you with a short range walkie-talkie that will give you direct contact with me or Danny. We both have a satellite phone to use in case of emergency. Please do not prank call, and yes, I'm talking to you Lenny."
Everyone laughs and their faces are less tense. "Is everything clear? Any questions?"
"All clear boss!"
"Good, than let's get going!"
It's been more than one hour. More than one hour under the pouring rain, with the wind who made me fall with my ass on the ground more than once. I'm not even soaked, I'm part of this storm. And, as the storm, I fixed every wooden window and every wooden door like I was a mad man, with my hammer and my portable drill. Thank god I had the guys with me. I've just finished to fix Cabin 4, so right now I'm on my own. Just two more cabins left. Mine and Alex's. It is possible to fix your own cabin, but it's a longer process, that's why it was easier doing it from the outside. The guys asked me if I wanted them to fix Alex's cabin, but I told them that I would do it because her cabin is closer to mine and because they already helped me more than enough.
Truth is, I lied. I wanted to do it myself. And I wanted her to get worried about the storm and the shacking of the windows. She should have come in the kitchen with the rest of the guests and not stay on her cabin like a fucking hermit just because she doesn't want to see me. Guess what? Now she has to.
But, before that, I need to bring the satellite phone from the reception cabin to my cabin without it getting wet. I cover it with layers and layers of cellophane, I place it inside my pants, and I run. The weather is getting worse, I'm still a little scared, so I don't care when I find the door in my cabin open, I just throw the phone on the bed and I go outside again to fix my windows, this way, the last thing I'll do before collapsing into my bed would be fixing Alex's cabin. The last thing.
I work as fast as I can, it's a little difficult on my own, but I manage to do a good job. I have a strange and negative sensation, I'm worried, and I feel like I'm forgetting something important. Fixing the door is the most difficult part of the job, because I need to leave open a side so I can enter and close it from the inside once I'm done with Alex.
When everything is ready and I'm ready to go to Alex a thunder strikes so hard that the ground shakes. And then it hits me. Stronger than the thunder. Stronger than an earthquake. Stronger than everything.
Ralph.
The door was open.
Ralph is not howling.
I cut my hand on the wooden table, trying to open it faster. I run inside. Ralph is not there, I run to the bathroom. Ralph is not there.
This is panic. My head spins and I feel like I'm passing out.
Where are you?
Oh my god. He's so scared, my puppy. So scared. Where is he? He was not in the kitchen and not in the reception cabin. What if he got lost in the woods in this weather? What is he's somewhere scared and hurt?
Alex.
He tried to get inside her cabin before. Maybe he was scared and lonely and he went there and she opened the door for him. That's it. That's how things went. I slam the door and I'm running like my life depends on it. And, in some ways, it does. I think I fell, but I'm not sure.
I try to open Alex's door but it's locked. I bang with all my strength, I will break this door if I have to.
"Aleeeeex! Aleeeeex! Open up Alex!"
After what it feels like a lifetime, I hear the key turning and the door starts to open.
I don't have time for this, I slam it open and I rush inside leaving traces of mud and dirt on the floor. I'm looking around like a mad man, I don't care how I look. I don't fucking care about anything. I can't see him, but he likes to hide. I ran to the bathroom without noticing that Alex is behind me and with two fast movements, she pins me on the wall and one of her hand goes directly to my throat.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" She's screaming. Screaming so hard at my face that the storm is nothing compared to her. Her face is the face of pure anger and hatred, but I don't fucking care. My ears hurts, but everything else is hurting more.
"Is Ralph here?" Is this my voice? I don't recognize it. It sounds like the scream of a wild animal.
Her face changes expression in a millisecond. Her hand release me and I feel like she should have kept it there. Her face says everything. She's understood everything. I already know the answer, but when she say the word, the world below me splits in half and swallows me.
"No".
A/N: Here I am, again! I just wanted to thank everyone who had my back in this period. With your reviews, your follows, your worried PMs. It's been amazing, frustrating but amazing. The reality is simple: I'm working three jobs because I need money and, lucky me, all the three jobs are in the same period. I'm putting a "Diane Vause" and, girl, now I know what all those fanfictions were about. It's impossible to live like this! I've never really stopped writing, I just didn't have the time! And reading everything you wrote me...gosh, I wanted so badly to tell everyone that I was alive and well and, mostly, that I have every intentions to finish this story. I think I will have more time next month, when one of the jobs will be over, but I can't promise you a chapter a week like old good unemplyed times. I hope you like where I'm going with the story, I can't literally wait to write the next two chapters. I wish I could thank everyone of you, but right now I'm so tired that my eyes are almost closed and if I don't publish the chapter now, next time I'll be in front of a pc will be friday, and I don't want to keep you waiting. So, forgive me for all the horrible mistakes I've made, I love you all. Really. I do. And next time would be sooner! Hope you still like me and the story! off to sleep!