Primal Instinct II: 0.4 Seconds
A Birds of Prey (B/H) story
by Enginerd
Chapter 11 – Into Darkness
Barbara blinked rapidly as tears welled up. A grief-stricken cry welled up, muffled by her shaky hand that covered her mouth.
"What's happening?" Jim Gordon asked with alarm, looking anxiously around the dark room.
"An electromagnetic pulse," Alfred answered and explained. "From the bomb's explosion…." he added gravely.
/BoP\
Dinah pointed her grappling gun towards the adjacent clock tower and braced herself as she took a shot. The city had become dark and eerily quiet, allowing her to hear the whooshing of the grapnel through the air and the crunching thunk as it lodged itself into the concrete wall.
With a fortifying breath, she anchored the wire and began her climb towards home. She expected the Tower to be protected from the effects but it was still on lockdown mode, which automatically kicked in upon a complete loss of power, preventing her accessing the stairwell at top floors where they lived. She wondered why Barbara hadn't reset the security system.
After a long, slow trek on the wire between the buildings, she released her grip and landed inelegantly on the ledge with a heavy exhale. Wiping the sweat off her forehead with her forearm, she headed into the tower to find a few candles lit, casting an almost romantic glow in the room. But she knew the reason was far from romantic; the bomb had exploded and played havoc with electrical systems several miles within its vicinity.
Her eyes drifted to Delphi, taking in the disturbing sight; the normally active computer system was now completely dark. Her gaze dropped to an even more disturbing sight of Barbara's ever-present electric wheelchair, currently empty.
"Barbara? Barbara, where are you?" Dinah called out as she walked towards the chair.
"She's in her room with her father, Miss Dinah," Alfred said softly, coming from the kitchen with a lit candle in hand. "Her chair's electronics were damaged by the electromagnetic pulse," he offered, seeing Dinah glance back to the chair uncomfortably.
"O…oh," Dinah said awkwardly, walking towards him before suddenly stopping at the overwhelming feeling of despair.
"Al..fred?" She croaked as tears filled her eyes that desperately sought his. Though the candlelight cast distorted shadows across his face, she could still see profound sadness.
She glanced back to the inactive computer, the empty chair, then back to him. "No…." Dinah whispered.
/BoP\
Dinah approached Barbara's door with a candle to find Jim Gordon emerging. "How is she?"
Jim looked at the young crime fighter sadly and shook his head. "Not good, Dinah. It's like after she was shot," he said worriedly. "But this time, she blames herself for . . . the bomb…Helena," he said tiredly, motioning vaguely to the dark room not sure what to do for his daughter.
Dinah frowned. "She can't just give up!" She blurted with concern and marched into Barbara's room. She hesitated a moment, feeling the thick wall of despair that grew in intensity the closer she got to her mentor. Stepping closer, she cringed at the still form in a manual chair, staring out the bedroom window into the dark city; almost as if she was just pondering something trivial. But Dinah could feel how much Barbara's heart was aching.
"Barbara?" Dinah said uncomfortably, approaching Barbara slowly. After a long moment, Barbara looked up at the patient teen, who looked at her beseechingly, but dropped her gaze in despair. "Barbara, you can't give up on her now. Especially now. There's too much to do."
"There is always too much to do, Dinah. And it's never enough," Barbara lamented quietly, with a tired exhale, withdrawing again into her depressing thoughts of "what ifs."
What if she had focused better on the crimes with Lizard guy and the Plutonium and figured out what was happening before the bomb was actually built?
She'd be alive, Barbara considered morosely.
What if she never tried to convince Helena that crime fighting was the right thing for her?
She'd be alive….
"Barbara, Helena wouldn't let something like a bomb keep her from coming home," Dinah said with determination.
Barbara rubbed her temples slowly and looked at her ever-optimistic ward. "Helena is Meta, Dinah. Not immortal…in spite of how she acted," Barbara responded, her gaze dropping to avoid the earnest look that just made her want to cry.
"You don't know for sure what happened, Barbara. Sure it looks bad - but we're talking HELENA, Barbara," Dinah argued.
Not getting an answer, Dinah sighed as her mind raced.
"I know you hurt. I can feel it," Dinah offered.
"Dinah! Stop! You have NO right!" Barbara blurted with frustration, wishing she would just leave her to her misery. But Dinah was like a dog with a bone and continued, undeterred.
"You have to remember, Barbara, if there was any way to survive the bomb blast, she would have found a way. If you can't believe anything else, believe in THAT," Dinah said firmly.
"The chances are . . . ," Barbara said, unable to finish the thought aloud. She wished she could believe that for once, she didn't have to suffer a terrible loss. Things were going so amazingly with Helena, even with the 0.4 seconds missing in her remerging. But she should have known Helena would have been just one of many losses she had to endure in life…her mother, her legs, her mentor...now, Helena.
"Well, Helena never really cared about Probability or Statistics," Dinah said wryly, gaining a surprised look from Barbara. "And did you ever really understand the changes in her after the remerging?"
In spite of Barbara's reluctance, those comments sparked a dangerous ember of hope in her. She had no clue the scope of what else might have changed in Helena as a result of the incomplete remerging.
"Was the backup power system hardened?" Dinah asked.
With a weak nod, Barbara added "and Delphi." She chuckled without humor as her hope was suffocated by reality. "But not my chair. Of course, I forgot my chair," she said derisively at yet another mistake of hers.
"We'll need things back working if we are going to figure out what happened. Because right now, we're guessing," Dinah said sagely, then her youthful discomfort came through. "Right?"
Barbara looked at her a moment. She wasn't sure if she could bring herself to have even a fraction of the hope Dinah had, but Dinah was right. She had to bury her emotions, something she had much experience with, and focus on the task at hand - figuring out what actually happened to Helena.
"I'm…going to need some help getting around," Barbara said with difficulty.
/BoP\
Neither Barbara nor Dinah rested, busying themselves with establishing backup power, lifting the lockdown of the top floors, and rebooting Delphi.
Jim knew better than to tell his daughter to rest, as much as she physically needed it. But he knew she would get little sleep and needed to remain busy and feel useful to not dwell on Helena missing in action. He too tried to remain busy and useful, even helping out with the backup generator.
Alfred brought a tray of sandwiches for the three. Dinah and Jim gladly accepted the late night…or early morning snack as it was almost 3 am.
"Miss Barbara?" Alfred said.
"I'm not hungry, Alfred," Barbara said softly, sitting at Delphi's main console, methodically calling up the many systems one by one. Jim frowned, wondering whether he should say anything. He looked to Dinah, who shook her head no.
"You don't need to be. Eat up, Miss Barbara. You need to keep your strength up," Alfred said firmly.
Barbara pulled her glasses off and noted his pointed look just daring her to argue. Aware of his steely determination and not having the energy or inclination to fight, she nodded. "Thank you," she said politely and started eating her sandwich.
Jim exhaled a relieved breath and glanced to Dinah again, finding her smiling. He was pleased his daughter had people around her who cared and would challenge her when needed.
"I would have done more, had the appliances not been affected," Alfred noted, pointedly staring at Barbara before he left.
Barbara glanced at the kitchen thoughtfully. She recalled Batman's lesson on the concerns with EMI and was well aware of the importance of shielding vital equipment; she knew she did not want to be vulnerable to a criminal and the massive chaos a loss of electrical equipment could produce so Delphi's mainframe had been shielded for that threat. But she forgot her electric chair, which still needed to be repaired. And she forgot that crime fighters needed to eat too. She wondered what else had she forgotten? What other mistakes she had made….
/BoP\
"There," Barbara said, as she finished tapping a string of commands. Delphi's screens filled up with a news program.
"Yes!" Dinah cheered, wanting to know what was going on.
"… detonated approximately 10:04 AM last night off the US Eastern seaboard…" the Canadian newsreader announced as the screen showed a map of the site where the bomb exploded.
"Several American cities are suffering a blackout due to the bombs electromagnetic pulse. National Guard units are being deployed to help maintain order as public works engineers repair the damaged power grid and return normal services. The United States Government reported to world leaders that this was not a government weapon, but one designed for a failed extortion plan. Carl Tucker, the suspected extortionist, has been taken into custody by New Gotham Police. A ransom note was provided to his billionaire Grandfather, Edward …."
Barbara sighed with surprising disappointment, not sure why she expected any useful information regarding Helena. As if a newscast would have any information on her role in saving thousands of lives, she considered tiredly. Her hand combed through her hair as she thought about how much the general public didn't know about the brave men and women vigilantes protecting them…sometimes at a great cost to themselves. Taking a fortifying breath, she supposed she should take some consolation that an inadvertent global war between nuclear superpowers was likely avoided. Yay.
Seeing an incoming call from Nightwing, she muted the newscast. "Oracle here. Good to hear your voice, Nightwing," she said honestly, relieved to have some more help.
"Thank god. Are you guys ok?" he asked but didn't wait for an answer. "It's been a madhouse here with the looting. I swear, just when you don't think people could sink any lower, they exceed your expe…"
"Dick!" Barbara interrupted bluntly.
"What's wrong?" he said uneasily, knowing she didn't usually slip with his name.
"Helena's…missing," she informed him tightly.
He took a moment to digest that uncomfortable piece of information. "What happened?" Nightwing finally asked.
"She found the bomb and . . . flew it away," Barbara said with difficulty, blinking back tears that wanted to form.
"Is she…?" he asked.
"Missing," Barbara answered firmly, attempting to hold onto hope.
After another pause, he asked carefully, "What…do you want me to do?"
She felt the tear roll down her cheek at his question. Indeed, what did she want him to do?
There was general chaos in the streets that needed to be quelled, or at least minimized until the National Guard arrived. Duty would dictate they should handle the opportunistic thugs that risked many people with injury or death - not waste resources searching for one person.
Duty was what her mind told her was the right thing to do.
"Oracle?" Dick asked, waiting for an answer.
"Find her," Barbara said.
/BoP\
The masked man looked down from his batplane cockpit, over the vast blue ocean that had easily swallowed any indication of a nuclear blast. "Oracle, this is Nightwing."
"Go ahead, Nightwing."
"Except for the blackout on the coast and the residual radiation, it's as if there was no bomb," he said, shaking his head, glancing at his computer screen and the higher than usual radiation readings that were dropping off as he flew away from the detonation point. "Her coms link is hardened, right?"
"Yes."
"Oracle…I'm not getting her signal," Dick said hesitantly.
Barbara head dropped slightly. "I understand."
"It could have malfunctioned!" Dinah chimed in.
"I'm not sure what else to do, Oracle," he said uneasily, knowing even if she didn't manage to get incinerated and just got knocked out, she'd be at the bottom of the ocean. And he was pretty sure her metapowers did not include breathing water. Hell, with Helena's luck she'd have that super power too, he considered.
Barbara blinked as panic rose up within her. She wasn't sure what to do either. What was the next thing to try? Why couldn't she think?!
Dinah felt Barbara's emotional churn. When no answer seemed to be forthcoming, she offered, "Well flying a bomb around probably took a lot of energy. Right? She probably would have looked for a place to land and recover. So we won't get a signal over the ocean cause she's not there."
Barbara nodded, wanting to kick herself for missing the obvious. "Dinah's right. Nightwing, from the point of detonation, go to the nearest land mass and search for her signal there," she added.
"I'm on it, Oracle," Nightwing interjected, tapping into his navigational computer. "I'll bet she's probably annoyed I haven't picked her up yet," Dick joked, attempting to remain positive, though he considered the likelihood of Helena somehow surviving the blast was less than winning the lottery. Not that she needed it as a billionaire's daughter….
"Probably," Barbara responded with a small smile, oddly warmed at the thought of Helena once again being mad at Dick. Though their truce had been a wonderful surprise for her, having experienced too many headaches with them acting like children and battling each other over every stupid thing. But she would gladly forfeit that truce and endure the return of snarky comments to just hear Helena's voice again.
"Nightwing out."
/BoP\
After a large yawn, one of many, Dinah continued to pace as Barbara absently stared at the muted Canadian news reports on the large computer screen, deep in her thoughts. They hadn't heard any reports from Dick in over two hours and Barbara seemed to retreat further into quiet despair.
"Dinah?" Jim Gordon quietly spoke.
Dinah stopped her pacing to look at Jim, who gently waved her over to him. She briefly glanced at Barbara, who still absently stared at the screen. She could feel the persistent guilt and heart ache that radiated from the older woman, though it was somewhat more muted, perhaps because emotions took energy and Barbara looked beat…almost defeated. Dinah frowned after a yawn and went to Jim's side.
"Why don't you get some rest? We'll let you know if there is any development," he said, seeing the torn expression on the teen's tired face. "If she were well-rested herself, she would be lecturing you on getting your rest, you know," he added with a knowing smile.
Dinah responded with a small smile at that truth. The smile faded. "I don't think she believes…" she said sadly.
He nodded and both looked at Barbara a long moment before Dinah departed for bed.
Alfred almost startled him when he appeared by his side, though there was a sound that accompanied his walking, the soft crinkle from his leather shoes. "Alfred," Jim said without turning.
"Mr. Gordon, perhaps you and Miss Barbara would care for a break?" He said, prompting Jim to turn and begin to object, before he noted what Alfred's tray contained.
"Are you sure Dinah's the only one who reads people's minds?" Jim said, relieving the tray from Alfred's hands.
Alfred smiled slightly, nodded his head, and retreated to the kitchen.
Jim stepped onto the dais and set the tray next to Barbara's keyboard. He gained her attention when he started to pour the whiskey. Holding out the glass he just poured, she shook her head no.
"I need a clear mind."
"For that you need sleep. This might help you to do that," he said.
She looked at him a moment and finally took the glass. "Thank you for looking after Dinah. I didn't even think..." she said guiltily, taking a sip.
"She's a good kid and devoted to you," Jim said, pouring himself a glass.
"Maybe too devoted," Barbara said tersely. "She's so young," she added guiltily.
"Hmm. What would you have done if I had forbidden you to fight crime with Batman because of the danger?" Jim said conversationally, sipping his drink.
"I would have found a way to still fight crime," Barbara said honestly. "But I was stubborn and so convinced I could make a difference," she sneered with self-disgust.
"You did, you do."
"But is enduring this worth it?" Barbara said sharply, motioning to the muted newscast, which showed an old news clip of a 1950's nuclear explosion and mushroom cloud. "And I'm letting another innocent girl get involved in this…insanity!"
"I suspect you letting her has nothing to do whether she gets involved. Dinah wants to fight crime, Barbara. I believe her best chance for staying safe is working with you."
At one time, Barbara would have relished his words of support and confidence. But now, they rang hollow. "Recent events strongly suggest you're wrong," Barbara blurted and finished off her drink.
"Barbara, if," he stressed pointedly, "Helena is dead," he continued bluntly, making her flinch. "It is because she took a risk to save thousands of lives. Helena had not understood the concept of selflessness -until you. Helena had not understood the concept of duty – until you. She took that risk because it was the right, decent thing to do. Something that, before you, she would never have fathomed to do."
"Don't you see? She never wanted this life, Dad," she argued, then expelled a breath which seemed to drain her of her anger, leaving only sorrow. "She did it for me," Barbara explained softly. "And she'd be alive, if it wasn't for me," she whispered as fresh tears fell.
"It's natural to feel guilt, honey. But it doesn't mean you're right about it," he said gently.
Her gaze dropped as she just shook her head, fully believing it was her fault.
"You are going to be no use if you don't get some sleep soon," Jim said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"I won't be able to sleep," she said tiredly, wiping her eyes and looking at the newscast.
"When your mother died, I found some comfort in holding her pillow. It smelled of her," he said, finishing his drink.
Jim retreated to the kitchen and found Alfred sitting at the kitchen table, sipping tea.
"Care for some chamomile tea, Mr. Gordon?" Alfred asked, starting to get up.
"I'll get it," he said with a small wave and headed to the heating plate with a pot of tea on it. "I see you've found some equipment that's not computerized. I swear you need a master's degree in engineering to figure out how to operate kitchen appliances these days," he joked, pouring the tea.
"While the convenience of technology is appealing, I find a certain comfort in simplicity," Alfred said, getting a nod of agreement from Jim.
"I still have the toaster my wife and I got for a wedding gift. It's old but I've never needed to buy a new one," he said, sitting down across from Alfred.
"I made up the guest room for you, fresh towels are on the bed."
"Thank you, Alfred," he said and sipped the tea.
"Your daughter is very resilient, Mr. Gordon," Alfred said, getting a small nod from Jim.
"So was Bruce Wayne," Jim noted gravely, knowing even resilient people have their limits and can break.
/BoP\
Barbara climbed into bed and rolled to face Helena's side. She reached out for Helena's pillow and slowly pulled it to her face, taking a deep breath. She could barely detect Helena's scent, but it was there. She gently wrapped her arms around the pillow, as if it were something rare and fragile.
/Bop\
"I'm so sorry, Barbara," Dick said with a gravelly voice as he pulled down the sheet from the body to show the burned body he had retrieved. "If only you could have found a way to defuse that bomb," Dick added, shaking his head and looking at her with disappointment.
Helena was almost unrecognizable. Her head was burned on the left side, missing hair and flesh to reveal bone. The left hand and forearm were also missing, leaving a charred stump behind.
With a frightened gasp, Barbara jerked awake with her heart pounding. The sharp churn in her stomach made her scramble out of bed. She quickly transferred herself to her chair and rolled as fast as she could to the bathroom. Slipping out of her chair and onto the floor in front of the commode, she could no longer hold back the nausea and expelled what little she had eaten and the whiskey into the bowl, before quietly sobbing for her loss, unable to hold onto the little hope she had.
/BoP\
"I'm sorry, Oracle," Nightwing said, shaking his head as he flew over the coast one more time. "I'm not picking up her GPS. And I've swept the closest areas three times. Maybe it's broken, like Dinah said?" he offered uncomfortably. Not getting an answer, he asked "Oracle?"
"Uh Nightwing? It's Canary. Ba…Oracle told me to call off the search. But I'm not ready to. I think you should continue. Do you copy?" Dinah asked uncomfortably.
"I copy," he said with a worried frown for Barbara's giving up. "I'm going to land and question the people on what they saw. Helena was never very subtle, which I hope is still true," he said with forced optimism.
"Depends on what it's about, actually," Diana noted, then scanned the map she called up on the monitor. "Nightwing? Helena was never very good at turning, which would have been needed if she was headed for the closest land mass. What if you extend her flight path and look there?"
"That's just water, Canary. That . . . wouldn't be good for her."
"Dick, I just have a hunch," she said, biting her lip.
Continued in Chapter 12...