Thanks music anomaly and xXMizz Alec VolturiXx, I love you guys for all the support you've shown me. And feel free to point out a mistake so I can correct them.
Warning: this chapter contains a little bit of smut, nothing exaggerated or explicit but I thought I should give you guys a head's up.
Chapter 11
I have a plan. Not that I didn't have one before. I had the one involving Wayne and the Imperius Curse which he has still been too chicken to do. The Legilimency one that Dumbledore actually came up with. But this one involves the Potters' eternal nemesis, namely Draco Malfoy.
For the past days I've been racking my brain to figure out a way to discover what mess it is that boy is knee-deep in. He'll never tell me himself and since he constantly looks over his shoulder, I'll never figure it out by following him. So I think the best option left is to get someone close to him to tell me. Now Malfoy isn't close to a lot of people. His horrid personality must not make him a lot of friends though I've always thought that would be the case for all Slytherins. That none of them actually have any friends, just people they can stand.
From my observations I have concluded that there are a few people the blond trusts around him. There's of course Crabbe and Goyle but Malfoy would never tell them what he's up to. He knows they're dumb enough to spill the beans and I'm sure he wouldn't want to take that risk.
There is the possibility that he's confided in his… whatever the hell Pansy Parkinson is to him. I've seen her gush all over him in public many times before but they don't appear to be dating. Except if scowling at her is his way of confessing his love. I hope for the poor girl's sake that it's not. But even if she knows what he's up to, I refuse to have any sort of conversation with that girl. All she talks about is Malfoy, which would be good if that meant she'd tell me what he's up to. Instead I've only heard her talk about how dreamy his eyes are and how silky soft his hair is.
Which is why I've decided that the best way to get the required information is through his friend who doesn't have the same amount of brain cells as a garden gnome a.k.a. my Potions partner. And that is kind of ideal for I already have the perfect excuse to talk to him every fifth period on Monday. Of course that does mean I'll have to chat up a Slytherin. Though I certainly can be charming when I want to, I might not be so good at it when I'm screaming on the inside with distain for the snake.
I enter the classroom in the dungeon the first hour after lunch and settle in my usual seat. Normally I'd spend the next sixty minutes ignoring the presence of the person next to me. It has become a routine that we've been doing for over a month and might not be so easy to break now.
If I burst into a random monologue in my attempt to start up a conversation with him, he'll think of me as an even bigger weirdo than he already does. I haven't made a very good impression on him so far with muttering to what looks like a blank sheet of parchment to him and filling Weasley and Malfoy's cauldron with only mildly dangerous ingredients when they aren't looking.
Perhaps it is best if I start a chat over Potions, at least that wouldn't be too strange. We could bond over our mutual interest for the subject or I could also pretend to loathe it if he turns out to be an illiterate oaf who doesn't know how to appreciate the fine art of potion making. He might not believe I agree with him for he has certainly noticed the vigour with which I pen down my additional notes.
When class starts, Slughorn does his little self praising speech and people get up to gather the necessary ingredients for this class' potion. That's when I see an opportunity. Instead of taking Porcupine Quills like I'm supposed to, I grab a jar of Pungous Onions from the shelve. If Zabini pays any attention to the actions of his Potions partner and knows a thing or two about Potions like he should since he is in the NEWT class, he'll stop me from adding it to our cauldron. I'll play silly, dumb girl and his ego will feel the need to tutor me on the subject. He does seem like a guy who likes his girls oblivious and useless. I can pretend to be that girl, as long as it's only for an hour.
But over the course of the next ten minutes he fails to meet up to my not-even-that-high-expectations. Instead of occasionally glancing my way to make sure I don't screw up his hard work, he remains completely focused on his task. This guy has way too much confidence in my competence. I hadn't counted on that. I guess I'll have to try a little harder to make him aware of the huge mistake I'm supposedly about to make.
"Add Pungous Onions to the Potion," I pretend to read out loud from my book while looking at his reaction from the corner of my eye but still nothing. Is he blind and deaf?
I quickly cut up the Onions and stand a little closer to the cauldron and inevitably closer to him, pretending that I'm about to add these ingredients.
"I had no idea you had to put Pungous Onions in an Euphoria-inducing Elixir," I talk really loudly to myself.
"Pungous Onions?" He frowns while finally looking at what I'm holding in my hand. "Potter, no!"
He smacks the magical vegetables out of my hand and they roll all over the floor. Is he insane?! That could have landed in the potion!
"Are you crazy?!" He hisses at me. "That could have made our cauldron blow up!"
Well, I knew that. But it's good to know that he does understand something about Potions. So what he lacks is the capacity to listen and take in his surroundings.
"Woops?" I say, as if I have no clue what I might have actually done wrong.
"Whoops?" He glares at me. "You almost kill us and that's all you've got to say for yourself?"
"I didn't do it on purpose. I'm just not really good at this," I easily slip in the lie.
"You're not?" He frowns disbelievingly. "You did get in the NEWT class."
As did Weasley so that basically means nothing anymore.
"I got lucky," I giggle helplessly.
"Lucky?" He still doesn't quite believe me. "You seemed to know perfectly well what you were doing the past five potions we've brewed."
"I'm a really lucky person," I fake an oblivious smile and I'm starting to suspect I've misread what he likes as he only seems to get even more annoyed at my useless behaviour.
"What the fuck are you doing?" He glares evilly at me.
Ooh, a Slytherin that swears and glares. That's new.
"What do you mean?" I bat my eyelashes at him with a silly smile of innocence or low brain activity.
"You've got an Outstanding for Potions on your OWL, something only four people in this class managed to do. In your third year at Beauxbatons you were nominated for Promising Young Potions Master. You got second place with your nearly perfect Oculus Potion. Only a guy named Gabriel Voltaux did better than you with a Wiggenweld Potion. Professor Slughorn has been giving you additional assignments that you've asked for yourself. And you have not made one mistake in this NEWT class so far. There's no way I'm believing you didn't know Pungous Onions are dangerous in combination with Shrivelfig."
"Are you stalking me?" I quickly take a step back from the psycho.
"Don't flatter yourself by assuming I want to know things about you. But as the professor, or you, decided we're stuck as Potions partners for the rest of the year. You don't really think I would have let you anywhere near this cauldron if I wasn't convinced you wouldn't mess it up? I wanted to know exactly what kind of a person I'm being forced to work with."
"So you read my diary?" I frown.
"You have a diary?"
"No," I say. "but it sounds as if I do by how much you know about me."
How did he know all of those things?! I didn't even know them. Like who were those other three people I didn't out best? I know for a fact it wasn't Granger. I saw her grades and the embarrassment on her face when she had to admit she didn't have an Outstanding on every subject.
"It doesn't take a genius to consult Beauxbatons' archives on Potion Awards. And I saw the pictures of the contestants receiving their medals. I have to say, thirteen didn't suit you. Neither did the explosive hair or acne."
I just continue to stare at him with bulging eyes while he smirks. No, it's not even a smirk. It's just a really evil gloating expression on his face that proves to me the brooding Slytherin is in fact a real snake, to the very core. Why did I think I could ever have an actual conversation with this prick?
"Don't pretend like you're so clever," I eventually glare at him once I've come up with something to say. "If I hadn't basically shouted out that I was going to add those Onions, you never would have known what hit you."
"Speaking of that idiotic move, what the fuck was that?!" He's back to giving me the stink eye.
There's no way I'll convince him now that I really am that stupid, not when he's done such elaborate research on me. Who does that though?!
"It was a test," I lie. "I as well wanted to know if my Potions Partner wasn't so dumb he'd let me add the wrong ingredients, which you almost were."
"There are easier ways to do that. All you had to do was consult the OWL records to know that I'm one of the four who got an Outstanding."
I simply huff, not humble enough to admit to this dick that I don't actually know how to consult the OWL records. As far as I know that's not public knowledge you can just look up.
"You got an Outstanding?" I say disbelievingly.
"I would have gotten a higher score if there was one," He boasts annoyingly. "I sure as hell did better than you and Abbott."
"Abbott?" My eyebrows shoot up. "Hannah Abbott had an Outstanding as well?"
He nods and I turn to my left to look at the Hufflepuff. Sure, she always seemed to know what she's doing in Potions but I've seen her mess up a Cure for Boils before and that's the easiest potion ever.
"Who's the fourth one?" I turn back to the dark-skinned gloater next to me.
"My previous Potions partner," He points towards Draco Malfoy sitting a few rows behind us.
Not too big a surprise there. He always was Snape's pet.
"I'm certain his grades will plummet this year with Weasley on his team," I snort happily.
"Don't feel too bad about that," He narrows his eyes at me.
"Clearly you haven't done a thorough background check on me," I glare back at him. "Else you would know that I never feel bad about anything, Zucchini."
"My name is Zabini," He says loud and clear as if I'm too stupid to understand it.
"Oh, I know," I grin while pointing at his book on which is written in big, bold letters 'Blaise Zabini'. "It's really sad when you need a cheat sheet to write down your own name."
"Do you ever not have something sarcastic to say?"
"Do you ever not look down on people?"
"Have either of you done any work at all this hour?" Slughorn's booming voice interrupts us.
Somehow the professor had managed to suddenly stand behind us without me or Zabini noticing but certainly he had noticed our lack of progress on the potion. I guess we had gotten a bit distracted when my stupid plan escalated. Clearly it was stupid to begin with. You can't trick a trickster and that is exactly what this guy is.
"We added the shrivelfig?" I smile hesitantly but he's clearly not charmed by it.
"Five points from both houses. I had expected better, from both of you," Slughorn shakes his head in disappointment before walking back to the front of the classroom."
"Thanks a lot, Potter," The guy next to me spits out.
"Are you seriously blaming me for him deducting your points? I didn't see you do any work either," I huff.
"I was busy on the Potion when you found it necessary to check my intelligence and clearly discrediting yours."
"So you admit that I'm smart?" I grin victoriously.
"I did not say that, nor will you ever hear it," He scowls.
"Miss Potter, Mister Zabini," Slughorn's sharp tones resound through the dungeon. "Would you like me to also give you both a detention?"
I quickly shake my head while my partner just frowns in that arrogant way of his. God, even when he is trying to appear humble he's infuriating.
For the rest of class, we quickly finish our potion like we always have before, except this time it's not in silence. Zabini finds it suddenly necessary to questioning my every move, worried I might be consciously sabotaging our potion. And I can't fight the urge to snap at him every time he scowls. The guy is so fucking annoying. By the end of the class it is clear to me that I'll be needing a new plan regarding Malfoy's suspicious behaviour because there's no way I'm ever talking to his friend again.
By dinner, Harry had told me about the last lesson he had with Dumbledore and the memory he saw of an eleven year old Voldemort. I am very intrigued by everything he has to tell me about it but at the same time it makes me feel guilty for not telling him about my private lessons with the Head Master. Though I stand by the decision to keep it a secret from him, I can't help but feel so dishonest now that he tells me everything and I'm the one keeping secrets.
"Will you go, Danny?" Granger asks me when we're finishing up our plates.
"Go where?" I frown.
"Man, she's part of the Slughorn club as well?" Weasley sulks.
"Is he throwing another party?" I sigh. "Because whenever it is, I'll have other plans."
"Oh no, you don't," Harry says. "If I have to go, so do you."
"Then make up an excuse as well," I shrug.
"He can't," Granger shakes her head. "Professor Slughorn is specifically choosing a date where Harry will be available so he'll have to come. Please do as well, don't leave me at another get-together by myself."
I don't know why she keeps going to those bore fests but she can't really blame me for having other plans. Or making up other plans, to be honest.
"Well, off to nicer topics than the next party where everyone basically just has to suck up to Slughorn. What about the upcoming Quidditch game? Me and Ginny have been doing well at practise but we need a third Chaser."
"Katie won't be back in time," Harry sighs. "so I asked Dean to replace her in the game against Slytherin."
"That's a good call," I nod my head approvingly. "At try-outs he was the best one who didn't make the team."
I just hope Ginny and Dean will focus on the game and not each other. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to put a couple on the team. But they proved to me that there was nothing to worry about at the next practice. Dean worked well with both Ginny and me. He's no Katie Bell but with him as her replacement we still have a pretty good shot at winning the game. To be honest, he's not the team member I'm worried about. As usual, that's the Keeper.
Weasley is an incredibly unpredictable player. In last year's game he had suddenly become the hero of the match after the wonderful saves he made but these last few practices he's gone back to the nervous mess he was at the beginning. If he plays like that during the game, we are not going to defeat Slytherin because despite their nasty nature, they had some pretty decent Quidditch players.
It's also not helping that Ginny and her brother keep getting into arguments on the Quidditch pitch. I don't know why they suddenly feel the need to lash out at each other but today is not the first day it has happened. Obviously Ginny is a little better at throwing nasty comments around which is why I was really surprised when I returned to the Gryffindor Tower and found her crying on the stairwell to the girl dormitories instead of a sobbing Ron Weasley.
On my way back to my dorm, I freeze when I run into the crying red-haired mess on my path. Remember the Yule Ball during my fourth year and me and Noa found Granger crying on the stairs as well? There's a reason Noa did the consoling that night and not just because I couldn't stand my brother's female friend. I don't really know what to do when people start crying. I'm definitely not the person people go to when they need a shoulder to cry on. Which is exactly why I'm just staring uncomfortably at the sniffling Chaser.
"Euhm… you know, practice wasn't that bad?" I try.
She looks up at me with her red eyes and even though she's clearly upset over something, she still finds the energy to glare at me.
"I'm not crying over practice, at which I kicked ass by the way."
"Well, it can't be for a lack of confidence either," I shrug.
"You can just go further up the stairs, I'm not exactly taking up all the space," She gestures to her left side where I can easily pass her.
I'm actually thinking of doing just that. She doesn't appear to be looking for anyone to comfort her and if she did, I am certain that I'm not the one she had in mind. But she did look quite sulky and I do still owe her for her advice on the letter for Cedric. So instead of passing her by, I sit down next to her.
And then I can't think of anything to say. She doesn't look like she wants to chat since she's not saying anything and how am I supposed to know what to say to cheer her up when I don't even have any idea what the reason is for her tears?
"So… are you okay?" I eventually say.
She slowly turns to me with an incredulous look on her face.
"Do I look okay?"
"Not really," I shake my head. "but I've been wrong about that sort of stuff before."
She just rolls her eyes at me and goes back to staring at the stairs with a pout on her lip.
"If you want to talk about it…" I waver.
"Really?" She frowns.
"Yeah, that's what I'm here for?"
"Doesn't sound too convincing with a question mark at the end of the sentence, but okay," She turns her body towards mine so we can have a little chat. "So, I was making out with Dean behind a tapestry after practice."
Wow, this already sounds like one of the most annoying stories ever. I don't want to hear about her within-reach-boyfriend when mine can't even kiss me properly in public on the rare occasion we can meet up.
"Sounds awful," I say sarcastically.
"That's not the part that upset me."
"Good, because it's never nice to tell someone they're not a good kisser."
"Can we get back to the point?"
"Fine," I sigh. "So, your hot boyfriend was satisfying your needs behind the tapestry. Sounds like the beginning of a real tragedy."
She just rolls her eyes at me once more and gets on with her story.
"It's also a short cut so we got interrupted by someone trying to get through the passageway. It's was Ron and Harry."
Is she crying because her ultimate crush saw her hook up with her boyfriend? I'm pretty sure Harry doesn't care. Or maybe she's upset because he wasn't upset. If that makes sense…
"And then Ron started saying those awful things about me, only because I was kissing Dean. So I got mad and told him the only reason he makes such a big deal about it is because he's never actually kissed anyone before."
Technically he has kissed me last year but I consider it a no count since it ended up with me attacking him for it.
"That's it?" I frown. "All he did was no be happy about seeing his little sister suck face?"
I'm sure Harry must not have enjoyed seeing me with Cedric either but he never really called me any names over it.
"He made it sound like that somehow made me tacky and vulgar," She defends herself. "So then I told him everyone but him is doing it. Harry kissed Cho Chang last year and Hermione kissed Krum."
"You said what?" I blink at her in disbelief.
"I just told him that his friends as well had kissed someone before," She blinks innocently.
"Oh no, Ginny," I sigh. "You shouldn't have done that."
The girl is usually right in the comments she throws people's way and this time as well, she wasn't exactly wrong but she should realise as well that it wasn't exactly correct of her to throw Granger kissing a Quidditch legend in her brother's face.
"Why not?" She frowns. "I was just trying to prove to him that everyone does it. I would have mentioned you as well but I don't think he considers you as a role model for good behaviour."
I'm sure that's downplaying it a bit. I believe I've even heard Weasley call me the devil before.
"Are you blind, Ginny? Your brother's clearly developed romantic feelings for his best female friend. It can't have been nice for him to hear she's snogged a guy he never liked to begin with, especially if he himself has zero experience with it."
I had certainly hated it when I found out Cedric and Cho Chang had hooked up before he and I had started dating. I remember that horrid confidence-destroying feeling all too well.
"Ron's in love with Hermione?!" She gasps, clearly not having noticed the sexual tension between those two before.
"Of course he is, everyone can see that! I think even Harry is catching on by now."
"Which means he probably snapped because he's frustrated by his own romantic feelings," She sighs dejectedly. "But that still doesn't mean he had the right to scream at me like that."
"True," I simply shrug.
"And he does owe me an apology," She continues.
I just nod along since she's clearly just trying to convince herself that she still has every reason to be mad at him.
"Okay," She eventually nods confidently with a small smile on her face. "Thanks, Danny."
She quickly gets up and descends the stairs to the common room. Huh, that wasn't so bad. I believe I even might have been of help to her.
At dinner, I find Wayne sitting with his friends and I quickly slip into the seat next to him like I've done several times before. He nor his friends seem to mind much so I grab a plate as well and start piling it with delicious food.
"We on for tonight?" I whisper softly to Wayne once his friends are too distracted by Ernest 'Ernie' Macmillan's question on whether or not he should ask some girl to Hogsmeade.
Wayne visibly tenses up at the mention of our Imperius project and nervously glances at his friends to make sure they're not following our conversation.
"I can't. I have some stuff to do tonight."
"Like you've had stuff to do every single night since you've agreed to try this approach with me?" I frown annoyed. "Are you chickening out on me?"
"I am not," He quickly says. "Tonight is just not good, how about tomorrow?"
"Fine," I huff. "But this is the absolute last time we're postponing it."
The Hufflepuff has been coming up with all kinds of excuses to not do this with me. I'm not one to take crap like that but at the same time I don't want to push him on it since he's already so uncomfortable about it. He may change his mind on the whole thing if I'm too pushy.
Wayne might have cancelled on me but that didn't mean I could just have a relaxing evening, doing nothing. I still had a Potions essay to work on and since Slughorn isn't all too thrilled with me at the moment because of a certain silver jackass, I want to kick ass on this essay. And then there was also the preparations I had to make for my lessons with Dumbledore the day after tomorrow. I had already decided for myself which memories I would store away in the vials but I was trying to postpone it to the last minute. The prospect of parting with some of my most important memories gives me quite the unsettling feeling in my gut.
After I've finished my essay, listened to Granger complain about Weasley's cold shoulder towards her since she couldn't exactly talk about stuff like that to Harry, I go up the stairs to prepare myself for bed. But before I'll allow myself to snuggle into my pillow, I need to extract those memories first. So when all my dorm members are sleeping, I sit up straight in my pyjama's on my bed with wand in one hand and a vial in the other one.
Dumbledore had shown me how to do this but he had made it seem so effortless. That was all just wrong perception. It was not easy. In fact, I find it nearly impossible to focus on one memory and one only. If my mind sways to anything else, the strange liquid that ends up in the vial will just be a mash up of thoughts where no one can make anything of, not even me and it sprouted from my own mind.
I thought I should start with a happy one. Since the Head Master told me I needed to choose the ones that are all-consuming and distracting, the terrible ones come to mind. I know one of those vials is meant for Sirius' death and another one for the graveyard memory at the end of the Triwizard Tournament where I had been so convinced I would have to watch Harry die. But there are also good distracting memories, right?
Eventually I choose to go with quite an overwhelming first one. THE first one actually. My memory of the first time sleeping with Cedric would definitely distract me and lately it is a memory I've been thinking of a lot. Probably because it's been so long since I received his touch the way I did that first time during summer. And at the same time a memory like that would certainly keep my attention enough to extract it correctly.
"This is really good," I smile.
"You think so?" He frowns at the paper in my hand. "because I wanted to change a few things here and the-"
"Stop it," I close his mouth off from talking any more. "This is the best essay ever and St Mungo's Department of Internships is going to agree with me and hand you your Healer degree on a silver platter."
"That's not really how it works," He gently pries my hand away from his mouth and smiles at me. "All I want is that letter to let me know I'm in."
"And you will."
"Then what is taking so long?" He sighs before throwing himself on his bed.
I had been in his room a few times before and was just as comfortable on his bed as if it were mine. With the awful pouring rain outside we were forced to stay indoors for the day and Cedric had actually allowed me to read the essay he submitted to St Mungo's to receive a spot in their Healer program, after I got him to tell me that's what he was acting all nervous about because he hadn't received an answer yet while he had send out the application months ago.
"Well, they have to go through hundreds of dreadful applications before they finally get to this brilliant one," I throw the essay on his bedside table and comb my hand through his hair.
He closes his eyes before letting out a relaxing sigh. He has been ridiculously tense these last few days and I know this is a big deal but I for one would like to see that careless smile on his face again.
"I hope you're right," He eventually says without opening his eyes.
"I'm always right," I smile but he doesn't seem to buy it since he still has a tiny trace of a frown on his forehead.
I'm sure he can feel me shift on his bed but still he continues to keep his eyes closed.
"You know what you need?" I crawl over to him to place a thigh on each side of his and run my hands up his arms. "A distraction."
"Let me guess," He slowly opens his eyes to throw me a lazy smirk. "You're the distraction."
"A really good one," I nod.
"Then by all means," His hand find its way to my neck and pulls me closer to his face until our lips are only inches apart. "do you what you do best."
I let out a laugh before leaning down so I can kiss him. And God and every other holy entity out there knows how much I love doing that. While my mouth is completely busy with plundering his, my arms have found their way to his neck and my legs to his to entwine.
Several minutes into the kiss, he rolls us around so he is now lying on top of me and I can't help but grab his ass to pull him back closer to me.
"Danny," He breathes out when I move my lips from his mouth to his jaw, his perfectly shaped, handsome and super sexy jaw. "We should probably do something else."
Before he can even think of actually cutting this short, I pull his lips back to mine and whisper 'why?' against them.
"Because," He leans back on his heels and is suddenly unbearably far away from me. "there is only so much restraint you can expect from a teenage guy."
He looks hot as hell right now with his clothes dishevelled and his hair sticking up into several directions thanks to my hands digging themselves in it every chance they get. He's slightly panting with a delicious blush on his cheeks and I have never wanted him more than I do now.
"Who asked you to restrain yourself?" I smile coyly at him which does not have the effect I was going for.
"Wow," He frowns pained. "You're really making this hard."
"Clearly," I glance down at the obvious sign of how much I affect him.
Even though he is embarrassed about it, he can't help but let out a breathless little laugh. He wants this just as much as I do so I just have to make sure he doesn't get the time to talk himself out of this. I know he wants to take things slowly but ever since I told him I love him, there is no pace with him I won't follow.
So I sit up on his bed as well and take his hand in mine. His eyes widen slightly when I put his hand under my tank top and on my left breast. It's not like he's never touched it before but I think he gets what I'm trying to tell him.
"This is a really big step," He says without removing his hand, instead the second one is trailing the edge of my shorts.
"I know that," I nod. "And just like you, this isn't something I take lightly. But I want you."
I kiss him softly before continuing.
"And I hope you want me to," I want to smile but watching his resolve crumble like that is making me suddenly really nervous about the next part. "I want us to take this next step together. Don't you?"
"How could I not?" He unclasps my belt buckle. "Look at you."
"How about you do that," I take off my tank top in a sudden surge of confidence. "And I'll look at you."
He throws me one last smile before taking off his shirt as well and showing off his Quidditch muscles to me. Never before had I seen him bare-chested before and just like me, he was clearly a little uncomfortable about that. So I draw myself closer to him to kiss every single spot on his perfect body. Until my lips find their way back to his face and he crashes his mouth against mine with a hunger I've never felt from him before.
Clumsily kicking off our shoes and getting rid of the rest of our clothing, Cedric lays me down on his bed and covers my whole body with his. While we both have no idea what we're doing, I am completely palpable in his hands and my body simply bends to his will.
It hurts a little as I was told it would but he is so gentle with me and he loves me. It is clear in the way he looks at me and moves against me and whispers in my ear how his heart can't stop pounding in his chest.
And when we reach the point of no return together, I dig my nails in his sheets and my legs in his back. I am being thrown into waves of the highest pleasure and I get to do it with him.
While I get down from this incredibly high, he pulls me into his side and loops our hands together.
"I love you," He kisses my bare shoulder. "so much, and to the point of insanity."
I raise my head to look into his honest eyes.
"I know exactly what that feels like, love," I smile.
It was the scariest thing I ever did; to give myself completely to another person, to let Cedric all the way in, in every meaning you can find in that. But at the same time that was most wonderful day of my life and being able to trust him with myself like that, is the closest I have ever felt to anyone. I thought my heart might burst with the amount of love I have for him but so far that organ hasn't caved yet.
I simply have to smile at that wonderful memory of the love of my life. I know every sixteen-year old girl believes the first guy she loves will be the last but I refuse to believe our story might take a different course like so many do. How could I ever possibly imagine loving anyone else when he already uses up all of the love I have? And as long as I get an equal amount in return, I will never run out of it.
The memory makes me giddy and squirmy like that day did and now more than ever do I wish he was right here, in my dorm to make a repeat of that remembrance.
It is very strange to have this memory stored away in a vial now. It is still mine and I can somewhat remember it but while all of it had been so clear to me seconds ago like I was actually reliving that moment again, now it was vague and stored to the very back of my mind. And while I still had the emotions of that memory coursing through my body, I am not able to recall it.
But soon I have to pull my head out of the clouds and focus on the next few vials. It will be just as intense as the first one but in a completely different sense. The next memories to come will be devastating in the most heart-crushing way I have ever experienced.
For the rest of the night I relive watching Harry struggling to stand against Voldemort in the graveyard, experience once again the betrayal I felt when I found out Noa was dating Jonathan, flash back to the strange dreams I've had so far that alert me of the danger my brother is in while knowing there is nothing I can do to help and watch Sirius die over and over and over again. Because every time I try for that memory, other ones seep in and I have to start over.
By the time all the vials are filled, I am emotionally drained. And so exhausted I cling onto my pillow willing my tears not to fall. Because even though those memories are now in a different layer of my consciousness, the pain of all of them is still very real. And I didn't how much most of them still hurt till I relived them all again. Except for one big difference. I know this time around what I need to make me feel even just a little better but he is five hundred miles away from me. Cedric Diggory is not here to make it all better like he hasn't been for so long.