This isn't really a proper chapter….it's just some crack that sneaked it's way into this fic, so it can be totally skipped and you won't really have missed much if you think that breaks the flow waaay too much….i kinda do. Also fic gets gate crashed by a little bit of Chulu here!

"Spock?" Kirk says, eventually, lazily.

"Jim?"

"Where'd the lube come from?"

"What?"

"You had – really handy lube before?"

"It was – on the table by the bed."

"Why?"

"Jim – I was somewhat occupied at the time – I noticed it but did not consider it an appropriate time to investigate."

Kirk snorts, rolling over to investigate; there are various ointments by the bed, and handcuffs – Kirk raises an eyebrow – and a neatly folded note. He lies back, next to Spock and unfolds the note –

"To Captain Kirk and Commander Spock" he reads aloud – ""Here are a selection of things you may find useful –" someone's written "Tee hee!" next to that –"

"Tee hee? Captain?"

"It's the written equivalent of a giggle Spock."

"I see"

"" We've left a longer welcome message in the kitchen downstairs and stocked the fridge up. There are also mini fridges in each of the bedside cabinets –" Fuck yes!" Kirk punches the air at that – "" We hope you have a great first night. This room has a balcony if you feel the need to cool down at any time, yours respectfully, Hikaru Sulu" – well –" Kirk sighs – "It's so nice to know our crew knows us so well."

"Indeed"

"Were we really that obvious?"

"I suspect that you were Captain. What is the post script?"

Kirk reads on – the PS is written in different handwriting –

""P.S did you know that handcuffs were invented by Russian scientists?" Then Sulu again writes "No they weren't", then PPS Tee – hee – handcuffs, PPPS Forgive Pavel, he still thinks the word bottom is the height of humour" – I love my crew!"

"I suspect that they are quite fond of us too Captain"

"And of each other apparently – why does nobody ever tell me anything?"

"I suspect that everyone assumed that everyone else already knew –"

"Holy shitsticks!" Kirk remembers, delightedly, thinking of the most important thing –

"Mini Fridges!"

He leaps down beside the bed and examines the fridge, pulling out a chilled beer and a vast assortment of chocolate –

"Fucking hell!" he whoops, trying to consume both at once –"Food! Spock we need a mini – fridge! Beer?"

Spock shakes his head tolerantly –

"I do not like it."

"Spock you're not human."

Spock gives him well duhh face.

"At least tell me you like chocolate"

"It renders me somewhat intoxicated Captain" he confesses.

"You get drunk on chocolate?" Kirk grins maniacally, bouncing back onto the bed.

"That is one way of putting it."

"Fucking ace!" Kirk whoops, wrestling Spock to force feed him chocolate….

_x_

Someone dropped a crack bomb on me….think it's fading though….normal service will be resumed in the next proper section!