Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters.
Chapter 11: After Flight
It was stupid. She shouldn't have done this. She was a married woman. She had to escape this situation – fast.
Enveloped in darkness she left him sound asleep in his bed putting on her clothes fast. She was a trained shinobi she would leave without sign. The shifting of the blanket made her stop in motion. As did the voice that interrupted the silence,
"Since when do you run away?"
She swallowed hard and then sighed exhaling the frustration. "And since when do you care?"
"I know why." He sat up leaning on his elbows. His hair out of its ponytail and messy like his discarded clothes. He locked his eyes on her. "And I know you do too."
She sighed. "Look. This isn't working."
"I don't know what your talking about. I think we did it just fine."
She blushed right now not feeling like herself. Feeling too sensitive. "Not that. You know what I mean. This whole situation." She stumbled with fear at the sudden thought that someone might have noticed their argument in the hall and how she went with him to his room.
He nodded. "I didn't force you."
The sound of disappoinment in his voice stung. "I know but you have to give me some time to think. I have to leave now."
He watched her in silence as she rearranged her clothes which laid not long ago scattered around the room mindlessly thrown away in the fit of passion.
He watched her leave the room silently memorizing her profile as she turned away from him.
He listened to night outside. Calmness overcame him.
He smelled her scent. Lingering on his blanket.
He knew then that he would never be able to live happily without her.
He swore to himself that he would come to her again. And that he would never let her leave. Never again.
He reminisced. Thinking of the last night.
He had searched for her and found her.
"There you are." Shikamaru pushed himself from the wall he had leaned on waiting outside the chamber for her.
Temari seemed mildly surprised to see him. She stood with her hands on her hips. "You know that I live here."
He raised an eyebrow. Knowing that she had build a wall around her. "I thought you were hiding from me."
"Well, I do what you wanted me to do. I'm performing my role as the wife of the Daimo."
"That's not what I meant." Casually he crossed his hands behind his head.
"Don't forget that you were hiding what happened in Oashisu. I know you weren't honest. I just hope you know what you do. This is a political matter that could endanger the peace between the Land of Wind and the Land of Fire."
He rubbed his face tired of lying to her, tired of pretending that it didn't concern him.
Shifting her weight she eyed him as she closed the door to her chamber. "What do you want then?"
His hopes just to talk to her like they did on their travel were floating away for she was to much on edge. All he could do was to confront her."Since we are here you seem to avoid me. I mean it's not like anything happened but still I didn't see you yesterday."
As if he weren't there she began to walk down the hall not waiting for him to follow. "I am just doing my duties as the wife of the Daimo, which doesn't concern you."
Catching up to her Shikamaru grabbed her arm. "I still don't think you belong here."
She stopped and turned to him fiercely."You don't understand. I represent this whole country. You are not in Suna. In this country the alliance between the Leaf and the Sand is less important. You shouldn't risk to flip the wheel of fortune against yourself. The people here are a little nervous with a shinobi of Konoha sticking his nose everywhere. And now you keep secret what happened to the person we've seen in Oashisu."
He wouldn't let her change the subject although he knew that she couldn't tell people what had happened. The scandal that the Daimo's wife left unauthorisized the residence while her husband lay in coma was to big. He didn't care that she was annoyed with him already."You have always loved the job of representing Suna."
Slowly she raised an eyebrow wearing an insensitive expression.
He bended towards her leaving a tiny space between them. "You shouldn't be here. You'll loose yourself by identifying with something you aren't."
"Don't try to analyze me. You don't know me that well." She growled. A warning for him not to go to far.
"I disagree. I know you to well not to recognize you risking some part of your identity to be lost only to memory by representing this bunch of hypocrites."
"I will say it again. This is not your fucking business." They were now only mere centimeter apart.
"Then why are you talking to me at all?"
"I was not the one who turned up into the others life again just like everything is normal. Just like we could ignore our past and deal with the matter." They had left the political area now, both becoming absorbed by the nagging emotions tugging at them.
"I thought you've always done a great job pretending. And by the way I was sent here. And surely I don't want to ignore our past."
She snickered. "Yeah, I know. You must believe it to be very easy and that everything will become fine again."
"What the hell do you want?" He yelled other than his normal behavior. She steered the rage inside of him. Both their faces were by now turned red in anger.
She pushed him away with a fist loosing every trace of selfcontrol mustered. "I want stability!"
"What?" He stood dumbfolded there.
She gasp for air. "I don't want these feelings to overcome me. I need to be more myself instead of this person who wishes for the mercy of her own emotions. I don't want this love. I think I cannot take it anymore." She turned to the wall leaning on the cold texture. Trying to cool down. Desperate never to get hurt again.
"But still you are here rather than locking yourself into your room." His voice was coarse. He also calmed down a notch. Moved by her emotional burst.
"Well other than you I don't like to run away." she smiled cruelly.
"I think you forgetting something. We can't ignore this. We kissed."
When she turned around slowly and cautiously he saw a sea of emotions swimming in her eyes ready to break the dam that hold them in. She seemed so fragile that he wanted to soothe her but he was afraid to touch her. He didn't want her to leave.
She tried to blink the emotions away swallowing her grief. "I arranged for you to get a new room assigned. I will show you." She pushed her body from the wall.
He nodded slowly. Confused with feelings. The blood rushing into his ears and the pressure on his chest overwhelming him.
The silence between them hung like a dead branch from a tree.
When they reached the room they knew. They knew that they were captured in memories. They knew they were falling again into the trap.
Shikamaru on his side knew that he wouldn't want to escape again. He was ready to fall deep.
With quivering hands Temari turned the knob. They entered the room. With his mind occupied with other things he varily noticed the size of the room. He closed the door behind them. Crossing the room towards her never took so long. Every step weighted more. They stood in front of each other. Tears rolling down their faces. A most intimate moment shared between them, the only ones allowed to see each other tears.
Trembling with emotion he bend down kissing her cheek. Tasting salt and smelling vanilla. He inhaled sharply the intimate scent.
Everything broke down when his lips met hers. The embrace they trembled in turned into clinging and pulling of clothes.
Clinging to each other as they made desperatly love. Beneath the curtain of memories emotions enrolled. Forgotten kisses, refused touches, forbidden words were shared as they stripped to the deepest core like never before.
Hurting and healing.
When he looked into her eyes he saw it all. All that he was, all that he had ever been, he could see it in her eyes.
Shikamaru wasn't sure when he had ever felt this secure. All he had wanted in life, all that he needed was her.
All that he had been denied was her.
Hoping that she wouldn't run away this time he allowed himself for a moment to dream about a life with her.
Dreading the moment when reality would crush down on him he fantasized about holding her in his arms again, just resting.
He didn't knew if he should talk to her about his plan.
But he had to make sure. He had to make sure that the table turned and they had a chance to be together again.
He had lied to her. He hadn't missed the culpit. He had talked to him.
"So you disguised as missing ninja from Konoha because?" They sat facing each other in the shadow of a high dune.
"Well I didn't want the Daimo to follow the trace back to his own folksmen. That way it would only become harder under his regime." The man had strong shoulders. One could see that he had worked hard.
"Harder?"
The man shook his head. "You don't know. You're not from here. Here things are different even with the new Kazekage in Suna things are rough around here. I dispise the Daimo."
Shikamaru remained silent as the man went on to explain his hatred for the Daimo. After a while he interrupted him. "But you know if he is dead it would only mean his brother would become the next Daimo."
The man snickered. "He is much more genuine than his brother. He has already loosened some restraints fixed by his brother in the short time he is in control."
An idea crossed Shikamaru's mind."So it would help the Land of Wind if the Daimo was dead, huh?" He rubbed his chin not believing himself.
"What are you thinking?"
Coughing Shikamaru shifted his legs. Unsure if he really should intervene so far. "I have a plan. But you have to promise me something if I help."
The man straigthened himself showing that he listened even more closely. "What do you want?"
"That boy, Senshou, would you take care of him?"
He nodded. "What is your plan?"
The thing was Shikamaru wanted the Daimo dead but he didn't knew if for selfish reasons or because he wanted to help this people. Plus he had missed one important factor when he talked to Temari about who was in charge since the Daimo was in coma. Question was, what would become of her when the Daimo died. Would she have to marry the next Daimo? The current Daimo's brother was sure to be the next in the order of reigning. The Daimo hadn't got a child of nine years with Temari and there were absolutely no chances that would happen.
Shikamaru was wondering for a short moment if the Daimo had ever touched her this way. If she ever had allowed him to touch her. He dismissed the thought before jealousy took the better of him. He had no right to know. The important thing for him now was what he would do.
He was always rational why couldn't be it now. He didn't bend for rules like Temari but he sticked to them. Some people had to serve others and that was everything that was to it. So why the hell did he thought about this being a good idea? It wasn't as if everything would work out well. This wasn't some silly fairytale. Who could guarantee that all would be solved and he would live a happy life with a wife and kids? And what if this mindless idea would cost his head?
He knew he would risk everything if he chose to go through with it and he wasn't sure how Temari would react. Even if he would come out of it unharmed, he didn't knew the results. Besides that the chances his plan would work were very small. There was no guarantee it will work. It was a huge thing he planned to do. Killing the man of his love was the same as killing the sovereign of this land. And it didn't matter how often he reasoned his proposition by telling himself that it would also be for the good of this country, he couldn't ignore that he secretly wished for his own well-being.
A coup d'etat for love. Was that sensible?
He listened as the wind rattled at his window. He waited for the sun to rise before he cut of his inner discussion. Encompassed in silence he still smelled a trace of vanilla.
Shikamaru leaned casually at the wall outside of the Lady's Chamber. He waited for her. Again she tried to avoid him. He rolled his neck to loosen its strain. He didn't notice her leaving her room.
"What are you stalking me now? You know its day." She watched him with crossed arms.
"Am I not supposed to speak with the Lady?" He had been afraid that she would turn away but instead she seemed softer than before.
"No, that's not it but -"
He understood. It would get suspicious if they were seen to often together. Who knows if somebody witnessed what had happened last night.
Gracefully she opened her door for him. "How far have you come with your investigations? Something new?"
He stepped inside. "No, but I believe things will be solved in a short while."
Closing the door she looked at him suspiciously. Crossing the room she laid her skepticism aside. "About last night-"
"Don't try to fight again." He knew she would try to deal with their situation diplomatically. Like she always does when in a tricky situation. But he was tired of politics and diplomaticy. It was the reason why they were here now in this complicated position.
She was standing behind a chair her fingers clawed into its back. "I don't know exactly what we are always fighting about. I don't want to fight you."
"Then stop fighting against it. You know that I won't give up and you know why." He hadn't his hands in his pockets as usually.
I love you.
He wanted to lay a hand on her shoulder but she dodged his attempt.
"Stop it." She threw her hands in the air as if she tried to push him away.
"I know you feel the same. You can't deny it."
"It doesn't matter. There won't be any chance this is going to happen. Why won't you understand? You can't live a dream."
He swore he will. He had a plan. "It's not a dream. I know you feel the same when we are together-"
"In those moments we are together it's a nice illusion but it won't turn into something real. What do you expect? When I see how you look at me, I see it all there in your eyes. You wish for us to marry, have kids and settle down. But this is not going to happen. I am already married." Temari sunk into the chair. Resting her forehead against her hand.
Shikamaru stepped to the window looking outside. "I didn't see that coming. I didn't expect you would try to smother this."
"Look. Talking about this won't help. It won't change the fact that I'm married. It always comes down to this."
"I don't want to talk about being with you. I want to be with you. That won't change either. I wish it isn't just an illusion but I can't help just feeling like loosing myself into it."
She swallowed her tears. "We can't do this anymore."
But she came again the next night and that after this.
For the moment being the illusion healed wounds.
They didn't speak because of fear that words would destroy the illusion. The illusion they desperatly seeked for.
Fear that the next night would be the last night.
Dreams were embedded in darkness.
A/N: By now apologizing for the delay is ridicilous. The next story I started to write was on pause and I wanted to post it directly after this. But I failed (happend to the best of us). Maybe you will reread the story and relike it.