Chapter Eleven: Every Step of the Way

The sound of the alarm blaring from her burner phone dragged Nez out of her fitful sleep. She forced her eyes open, groping for the phone and finally shutting the obnoxious sound off.

"Morning, sunshine," a voice greeted and she was halfway to her feet before she realized where she was.

She had heard more details about Tom's blowup with Howard the morning following it. Howard hadn't said anything about it to her and Dumont said everything in the systems looked clear, but he seemed a little more at ease with it than Nez felt. She wasn't ready to run for the hills just yet, but she hadn't wanted to go home that night either. She didn't think Howard would try to hurt them, but the man that had returned from the "dead" seemed very different from the Howard she'd known before. Underestimating him was a good way to get herself into trouble fast.

"Sleep well?" Solomon asked and handed her a cup of coffee.

She took a long whiff. Of course he had the good stuff. "Not really, but it was a bed."

"Says the woman that got the bed."

"I never asked for it. I was ready to sleep in the couch."

"What kind of gentleman would I have been if I'd let you do that? You made it clear you didn't want to share your sleeping space…"

She quirked an eyebrow, doing her best not to let her eyes linger too long. No one had the right to be that attractive first thing in the morning. There she was with her hair in all directions and barely caffeinated and he looked like he was just out of the shower after an early morning gym run. "Thanks for the place to crash, Matias."

"You know I wouldn't turn you away." He moved to the rack where several shirts and suits hung, his long fingers sorting through them. "He put you in quite the spot when he went to Howard like that."

Nez snorted softly as she sipped at her coffee. Yep. Definitely the good stuff. "It's his father, Mattie. I wasn't going to stop him."

"He put you and Dumont in the crosshairs."

"No, Howard and Scottie did. Listen, I know you don't like him-"

"I don't trust him," Solomon corrected as he chose a shirt, slipping it on and working at the buttons. "There's a difference."

"And he doesn't trust you, but he understood why I went to you. Better than I thought he would."

"Or he just had bigger problems with Mommy and Daddy setting off bombs all around." He crossed the space between them, his bare feet silent on the polished wood floors and his dark gaze sharp as it met hers. "You're playing with fire on this, Nez."

She cracked a small smile for him. "You know I like my life a little dangerous."

"This isn't a joke. You know how fond I am of Scottie, but this mess? I've seen some messed up families before, but this one has tragedy written all over it. If anyone gets out alive it'll be… impressive."

"Yeah, and where do you think I should go, huh?" she asked a little flippantly.

"With me." The words left him on a breath and Nez wasn't sure when he'd gotten so close. Without warning his moved forward and his lips were against hers, but she didn't pull away. Part of her knew she should, but it was at war with the part that simply didn't want to.

She felt him take the coffee cup from her with a graceful ease that didn't require him to break the kiss. Once both of their hands were free he guided her back down to the bed and she found herself in her back, Solomon leaned in over her and he deepened the kiss.

Nez rolled, not giving him much of a choice as she took him with her and suddenly she was on top. He chuckled, the sound soft and rough. "Come with me," he repeated and she stopped, the moment broken, and she sat back.

Solomon looked startled by the action and it took a moment before he sat up, the buttons of his shirt undone again and Nez rocked back. "I can't. You know that."

"You don't owe him anything," Matias said lowly, and Nez wasn't sure if he was referring to Howard or Tom.

"I know."

"Then why risk it? Come with me, Nez. We'll disappear. No Halcyon, no Cabal…" He gave her one of his most charming smiles and leaned in, stealing another kiss. "We don't need them."

"But they need me," she answered softly. "I need to see this through for me."

"You're going to get yourself killed,"

"Maybe. We'll see."

He sighed, moving so that he could stand and buttoned up his dress shirt. "Then that's your choice. Don't expect me to sit around with a target on my back and watch you take a bullet for one of the Hargraves that would never do the same for you."

He moved back to the rack, choosing a pair of slacks and changing. Just moments earlier there had been a very different feel to the room. It had always been there, that flirtation and those looks, but he'd never acted on it. It was part of his charisma and while Nez had been drawn to him, she had never been sure he felt anything - or that he was even capable of truly feeling anything - in return. In that moment, though, with the way he shut her out, she knew he'd taken a risk and she'd hurt him without wanting to.

Nez stood and he didn't move as she wrapped her arms around him from behind, her forehead pressed against his back in a physical touch that felt much more natural than it had been between them. "You can stay, you know."

"No, I can't," he snapped, pulling away. "This place is paid for through the end of the month. Stay if you don't feel like going home, but I'll be gone by this evening."

"Mattie…"

He sat in the bed, tugging on socks and shoes. "They will kill me, Nez. I know far too much and they've already tried once. They won't miss again if they get another chance. I'm not afraid to die, but I'll be damned if I give them a clean shot at me because you want to help Tom Keen."

Nez didn't find her voice before he stood, grabbed a cost from the hook, and was gone without so much as a goodbye.

Howard had been good to his word in one thing at least: Tom wasn't turned away when he handed over his ID to the guard. He was led back to the visiting room and after a few minutes, Scottie was brought in, cuffed to the table, and they were left alone.

"It's good to see you, Tom."

His expression didn't shift, remaining entirely neutral as he watched her. "Do you remember when we were looking for Copeland? I came into your office late one evening and you were looking for photos for the funeral."

"I remember."

"You told me that Howard had changed. I need you to tell me about him before he did."

Scottie Hargrave stared at him for a long moment. "Why?"

Tom closed his eyes. "He's told me about you."

She nodded slowly, her voice quiet in the beginning as she told him about meeting his father at a seminar and he'd asked her out for dinner. They'd gone, he'd charmed her, and they had talked well into the night until the restaurant was closed and they had to leave. She hadn't seen him or heard from him for weeks following until he showed up at her college campus. Things had moved quickly from there.

Tom let her talk, the stories leading where they did. She relaxed a little more when she spoke about him, her expression softening considerably. "He loved you then. With everything that happened, you should know that. You'll find out the truth about him and you'll need to know that before he… became like he is, he did love you."

That caught Tom a little off guard and he had to force himself back behind his own guards, the stories having pulled far too many emotions to the forefront. "And you? Did you ever love us?"

"Of course I did. You and your father were my whole world."

Her wording struck a nerve and Tom pushed it down hard. "I think it's time you and I are straight with each other, Scottie," he said, his expression even and his tone just a little dangerous. "I have Howard's research on you. Not just the flight report. That was inconclusive. I'm talking about the payments, the coded messages passed between you and your handlers."

"Tom, there are no codes-"

"Stop." She met his gaze and his voice was low as he spoke. "I've been in this business for a long time. Bud picked me up when I was fourteen. I graduated from the St Regis program faster than any other student. I was his best. Not the best he had then. His best. I know the spy game better than most spies ever will, so don't screw with me, Scottie. I know who you are. That's not the question."

"What's the question then?" she asked tightly, the sudden change causing her to retreat behind her own walls.

"Was it ever real or did you use us from the beginning?"

"Your father fabricated everything he's given you. I'm not what he says I am."

He saw the barest of flickers in her gaze up towards the camera in the corner. Dumont already had that covered, but Scottie didn't know that. She had no way to know that, and Tom thought he recognized fear buried deeply under her gaze. If she was afraid of him, of Howard, or someone else, he wasn't completely sure, but he was going to find out.

"Bill McCready raised you?" The question was soft and Tom looked over at her.

"Yeah."

She pursed her lips together. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged, standing. "Bud taught me how to survive. He… working for him put me in a place that got me to Liz and Agnes."

"If you love them you'll stop looking into this."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you've already lost them once. I don't want to see you lose them again."

Tom stared at her for a long moment. "You're good, Scottie, but if you want my help - if you want anything at all from me - stop trying to manipulate me. All it's doing is making me trust you less."

He turned them, tapping on the door to signal he was ready to leave.

It had been a long day with little to show for it. There had been a lot of those on this case, but Reddington was determined it was important. Liz was starting to think that this Fischer really was a ghost and Red was distracting them on purpose.

She opened the door to the apartment and saw Agnes bouncing away in her little movable bouncer down the hall in the living room. As she rounded the corner she saw the little girl's father perched on the couch, tablet in hand, and reading through something. He looked up after half a beat. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," she greeted back. "What do you have your nose buried in?"

"Howard's papers."

"Good or bad?"

"Interesting."

Liz dropped her purse on the table and reached to scoop Agnes up. She squealed happily as her mother pressed a playful kiss to one of her chubby cheeks. "How'd the trip to see Scottie go?"

Her husband sighed and she risked a glance back at him. "She still won't admit anything. It was like she was nervous that they were listening. I need to find out who her handlers are."

"You think that they might have access to the feeds?" Agnes started squirming and she put her down on the floor to crawl where she wanted to go.

A soft buzzing sound drew Tom's attention and he looked at his phone, glaring at it was Howard's name left his lips irritably and he hit what looked like decline. "Depends who they are. I need resources to find out though."

Her gaze drifted back to the tablet. "And you think your dad's old papers will help you do that?"

"Sort of," he answered, meeting her gaze. "He built Halcyon on a careful structure and he was vocal about a lot of it. I think you were at least partially right about why he set Scottie up. If he felt like he had to build that computer for whatever reason, I think he knew the Board wouldn't stand for it, so he did it behind their backs and pinned it on Scottie. Two birds, one stone."

"So what? You're going to go to the Board with it?"

"They're the only ones with enough power in the company to sideline Howard and give Nez, Dumont, and me what we need to find out what really happened."

"Why would they let you guys do it?" She held her hands up at the look she received. "I'm just saying, if this were the Bureau and the Task Force was trying to handle it, we'd be told we were too close. Won't they say the same? You'll need leverage."

"I have it. With Scottie in jail and Howard possibly unqualified to lead the company, technically I hold the majority shares."

Liz stood there for a long moment, processing what he meant. "Honey, you'd have to tell them who you are."

"Pretty sure I'd put that one together," he teased with a very small smile.

"I mean…. You could end up running Halcyon if they decided neither of them were fit in the end. Scottie and Howard both have had their faces plastered all over the news because of their positions in the company. If it comes out that Christopher Hargrave isn't dead and-"

"Yes, Liz, I'd figured it out," he said a little more tightly this time.

"I just want to make sure you've really thought this through. This could end your career as a field operative."

There was a beat of silence then and he nodded slowly. "I know."

"And it's worth that?"

The quiet that followed the question was longer this time and she saw him struggling with it, everything in his expression saying it was something he'd been thinking about since he'd had the idea. It could change everything. If it was for the better or for the worse, she had no idea and he couldn't either. She knew he loved what he did and Halcyon provided him the perfect opportunity to do it, but if the truth meant giving that up….

Agnes let out a loud, irritated sound that she made when she wasn't getting the attention that she thought she deserved and Liz looked down to see she'd pulled herself up on the coffee table, her little face scrunched and determined and her eyes fixed on her daddy. Both parents watched as she let go, took a step towards him and put her arms out.

"Look at that," Tom managed, his smile creeping up on him. "Hey, baby girl, look at you! You want to try another one? Come see me?"

She did, managing another step and then another and he was up off the couch scooping her up before she tilted too far to her right to plop over. She giggled as he tossed her up and then held on tight. "That was amazing, Agnes."

Liz's own grin broke out just a little delayed. "And neither of us got it on camera," she laughed stepping over so she could join the mini celebration. "No warning, huh?" she teased Agnes.

"It's alright. We'll get the next one," Tom murmured and she saw him close his eyes, holding onto their little girl and Agnes clung to him in return, almost like she was trying to help the hurting to stop. Maybe she was.

After a long moment Liz saw dark blue eyes slide open. "Right now I think I have two options. I either need to try to walk away from Howard and Scottie and Halcyon for good or I need to jump in all the way and face what that could mean," he said slowly. "If I walk I have no idea what will happen to them. Maybe Scottie'll just spend the rest of her life in prison and Howard will keep running the company. They may not let me walk though. It's not like they'd have a lot of trouble finding me here." He took a careful seat. "If I don't, if I go in to the Board…. I'm risking Howard going to prison, maybe tipping off whoever Scottie's scared of, and…Scottie said that if I love the two of you, I'll drop this."

"Did she tell you why?"

"Not really. Just that I might lose you both again."

Liz pulled in a deep breath, letting the words sink in. They were up against the unknown, which always seemed to be the way. They had no one to trust but each other in it. As much as she knew the possible motives that Scottie and Howard had, she knew it was only a sliver. She couldn't blame Tom for not being able to trust them with so many secrets and so many unanswered questions. It was a struggle she knew well.

"You and I can protect Agnes," she said slowly, letting her eyes open and meeting Tom's gaze. "You and I will protect Agnes. We'll protect each other. You don't have to tell them everything about Howard. They don't know what you've found."

Tom gave her a lopsided smile. "Look at you being sneaky."

She rolled her eyes and smirked a little at him. "You are well aware what I'm capable of."

"I am," he answered.

Liz reached down and picked Agnes up, moving to put her in her playpen. "There's no reason for you to worry about potentially putting another parent behind bars before you have the full story." She heard him snort a laugh as she straightened, turning back to him and catching his eye. "It boils down to one pretty big question: would you be willing to retire from working in the field?"

"I thought I was before, but…" He looked down, almost as if he was afraid she'd be upset with him for hesitating on it.

Liz padded across the room and took a seat on the couch with him, reaching out and taking a hand in her own. "It's what you know, and you're good at it. It'd be like me having to face taking a job like Cooper's with the FBI. At this point in my life, that would terrify me."

"I'm still walking away from it if I cut ties with Halcyon."

"That's true, but there'd be a chance to find a different route. It would leave your options open. I can't imagine Halcyon is the only company that legally employs operatives, right?"

"No." He tilted his head, narrowing his eyes just a little. "You're not making this easier, you know."

"There's nothing easy about this, except for this." She squeezed his hand in hers. "You don't have to make the decision tonight, and whatever decision you do make you have two people that are going to support you in it. Agnes and I are not going anywhere."

He nodded slowly and tighten his own grip on her. "Thank you."

Liz tried for a smile and she released his hand only so she could wrap her arms around him. The angle was a little awkward, but she felt him sink into the hug, his fingers holding onto one of her arms encircling him, and they held onto each other like that for a long moment. She couldn't fix this for him and she couldn't make the decision for him, but she could be there with him every step of the way and support him, just as he'd supported her.

After a long moment she felt him drag in a breath. "We still have all my research, right? On my disappearance."

"Yeah."

"And the DNA test?"

She knew that tone. "Yeah."

He leaned back and as she released him she found his gaze determined as he nodded. "I have to do this."

Liz leaned into him. "I know, babe. I know."

Notes: May I just say that if we don't don't get Agnes' first birthday AND we don't see Agnes' first steps in S5, I will be very disappointed.

Next time - Agent Gale causes a lot of trouble for the Keens.