Outside Heaven
Chapter 11
Her sobs of tears bled through her purple pillow case. Lifting her head, she could see the round stain they had left behind. Slowly she reached for her laptop, which was sitting on her desk. She pulled it onto her lap, sitting up on her bed. Pulling the screen up, she pressed the button that turned it on, but the screen remained black, crap, I forgot to charge it. She fiddled for the cord to plug it into the wall.
After she had plugged it in accordingly, the laptop booted properly. She was prompt to open her internet browser and reach Yahoo's homepage to login and check her email. It wasn't a surprise to her when she saw her email flooded with Facebook notifications. When she had gone to Scotland, Peter had insisted she get a Facebook account so they could "keep in touch." Frankly, that plan had failed miserably because she had been so occupied in Scotland she hardly used the internet. She had only started using it after returning from Scotland to keep in touch with several of her friends back there.
She remembered when Lucy had—not invited—walked into her room and saw her chatting with one of her closest Scottish friends, Isobel. Lucy had gone mental, screaming about how dangerous social networking sites had been.
It was another depressing Friday night; her parents were home so Ruthie and T-Bone were keeping their distance. Even though her mother and father approved of their dating—they still were constantly snooping in on them. T-Bone and Ruthie had agreed to keep their distance while others were in the house.
Ruthie had just settled down at her desk and had opted to sign in on Facebook—her new found communication tool. She had gone from just five friends: Peter, Martin, Meredith, Mac, and the Scottish boy she had met at Simon's wedding, Paul; to two hundred in just the last two weeks. After she left Scotland she had started getting invites like crazy.
She had chuckled as she read Mac's latest status: "has made his job to put the 'fun' back in funeral." Had she known that in just a few short months her father would be dead, she would not have laughed as so.
Just minutes later she heard the "tick" sound that Facebook's chat made when a message was being received. She had been delighted to the message was from one of her newly added Facebook friends, and closest friend in Scotland, Isobel.
Isobel: RUTHIE! OMG I MISS YOU SO MUCH!
Ruthie had smiled to herself, it felt good to be missed. She sprung her fingers against the keyboard and typed back to Isobel.
Ruthie: Hey Iso! I miss you too :(
Before she could read Isobel's response, she was startled by the opening of her door. She slammed her laptop case shut, not turning the computer off, and twirled around to come face to face with her sister. "Oh! It's just you, why are you sneaking up behind me?" Ruthie felt relieved. She had feared it was T-Bone, he had already told her his feelings about Facebook. She only thought he didn't want her to have one because he knew she had Martin as a friend, for some reason he felt obligated to be jealous of Martin.
"What were you doing that you had to slam your laptop shut?" Lucy asked suspiciously.
"Oh, nothing, just talking to a friend from Scotland," Ruthie told her sister, truthfully.
"Oh, is that so?" Lucy asked, as though she didn't believe her. She inched toward Ruthie's laptop and opened the case. Her fingers brought the laptop out of sleep mode, where she came face to face with Ruthie's Facebook account. The Facebook chat read:
Isobel: so what's up?
Isobel: Ruthie?
Isobel: you still there?
Isobel: I guess not, well I gotta go…cya!:)
"Facebook!" Lucy had gasped. "Do you have any idea how dangerous Facebook is?"
"It isn't dangerous!" Ruthie protested in shock. "I only have people I know on my friend's list and my information is private."
"Right, how do you know that you know everyone? How do you know people aren't posing as your friends?" Lucy rolled her eyes.
"Because…because they have their pictures on their accounts!" Ruthie enlightened her sister in a rage.
"Do you have your picture on yours?" Lucy asked, but before Ruthie could answer Lucy was hovering the mouse over her "profile" picture and a picture she had taken a few weeks prior became visible. "I see that's my answer." Lucy's face showed anger as she had run out of the room in a rage, Ruthie following after her.
Lucy had told her parents about Ruthie's Facebook account, and shockingly, they had not reacted badly. Her mother, in fact, seemed happy that Ruthie was connecting with friends she had made in Scotland. Her father, naturally, was a little concerned. His exact words had been, "While I want you to be safe, I'm not going to discourage my daughter from communicating with friends." Nonetheless, he had made an account for himself so he could monitor Ruthie.
Lucy had been disturbed with her parents "lack of discipline" spitting that, "You would never have let me have a Facebook account!" and "Heck! I never got my own computer, or a cell phone!" She had immaturely stomped out of the house.
Ruthie soon found out that Lucy had called Matt in vengeance. She found out when Matt had tracked her down on Facebook and added her. He had told her had he known she had a Facebook account before, he would have added her ages ago. Facebook was so much more convenient for him than checking his email or voicemail. For awhile now he had been having Facebook text messages sent to his cell phone, so he would simply reply that way. Text messaging had opened a whole new revolution.
Lucy had become more irritated when she learned that Matt, Sarah, Mary, Carlos, and Simon all had Facebook accounts. In fact, Matt, Sarah, and Carlos's pages all had pictures from family events that involved her. Lucy went on a rage, "I didn't consent to any of these pictures being public!"
Facebook was still a sour subject to bring up around Lucy. Ruthie had tried to just let it pass, but every now and then Lucy would spit out, "I wonder who's putting this on Facebook right now!" Ruthie thought she was overreacting, even Kevin did. Kevin had reluctantly disabled his Facebook account after Lucy's outburst, never telling her the truth about him actually having one. Before, he had posted a multitude of pictures of Savannah, Lucy, and him for his friends back in Buffalo to see.
Ruthie stared at her wall point black. In the corner, she saw she had 75 new notifications, plus a friend request. She clicked her friend request first, eager to see who it could be. Her mouth dropped when she saw the name: Lynn Hamilton. She had attached a message to her request:
"Hey Ruthie! Long time no see :( you do remember me right? We used to play all the time when we were kids! Anyway I heard about your dad :( I'm so sorry, my whole family is coming to the funeral…I hope we see each other! It would be great to catch up :)"
A linger of guilt trembled throughout her body. She wished she had acknowledged Lynn earlier, she wished she had ignored Martin. Lynn isn't going to be a seventeen year old mother, though, Ruthie sighed. She was beginning to envy all teenagers that weren't pregnant.
Ruthie accepted Lynn's request and migrated to her notifications. They all were for a multitude of people that had posted something on her wall. She clicked on her wall to see countless "I'm so sorry about your dad!" posts. A tear started to trickle down her face as the memory of her father's passing returned. Why do people always say they're sorry for your loss? Ruthie wondered, don't they realize it only hurts more? Only one who has lost someone could possibly understand how hard it did hurt when people constantly reminded you of your loss. Ruthie knew that she never understood this concept before.
None of her friends were online; of course not, they're all here at the funeral. All of her friends in Scotland would be asleep, it was about three in the morning over there. Ruthie shut down her computer and collapsed the cover. A languid feeling filled her body, suddenly she felt as if she couldn't lift a muscle. She lied back on her back, her laptop still in her hands. Lethargy had begun to take over her bodily functions. Grayness coiled over her visibility as she drifted away to a far, yet not so far away, place.
She was swimming lost in a large body of water. An iceberg was in the distance; was she in the Atlantic Ocean? There was nothing in her line of sight except for the iceberg and lots and lots of water. A chilling sense lingered within her body, she suddenly felt very cold. She tried to swim to the iceberg, but she was too cold. Her body was confined and motionless.
Her nightmare was interrupted when she felt someone touching her face. She flinched awake, realizing she was in a cold sweat. Her eyes opened to see Matt leaning over her. "Where's my laptop?" she thought immediately, glancing down at her empty arms. Her heart started racing rapidly, but ceased when she saw her laptop safely sitting on the desk, Matt must have moved it.
"Oh. Hi, Matt," she greeted her brother calmly, glancing at the clock. It was nine o'clock, he's had time to talk to Sarah.
"Hi yourself," Matt smiled weakly sitting down on her bed, "I wouldn't have waken you, but you were tossing and turning quite rigidly, I hope you don't mind I took your laptop out of your arms, I was afraid you were going to end up throwing it across the room."
"Oh, no, it's okay," Ruthie said quickly. She was still wearing the dress she had been wearing when Martin had been with her. "Is anyone else still here?"
"Well, Aunt Julie, Hank, and their kids along with the Colonel and Grandma Ruth just left," Matt told her, "the Hamilton's are still here, Simon and Nigel have been doing some major catching up from what I can see, as have Mary and Keisha—Mary and Lucy aren't talking, which I'm sure you know all about; Ben along with his and Kevin's mother are down there too, they're camping out at Lucy's and Kevin's tonight but have to leave pretty early tomorrow morning, and Roxanne and Chandler are still here … otherwise, everyone else started to leave when I got here about an hour ago."
"What about Robbie?" Ruthie asked curiously.
"He's staying with his wife and new son at the hospital. If all is well they should both be released tomorrow." He placed his finger on his chin and added, "That reminds me, Lynn says she's been looking for you all day. Mom's really concerned about you."
"How did you know I was up here?" Ruthie asked, he didn't say Martin was still here.
"You weren't anywhere else, and this is your room," Matt raised his eyebrows, "We aren't as ill-minded as you seem to think we are, even if we are your family." He's talked to Sarah, that's for sure, Ruthie sighed. He extended a sigh of his own, "Yes, I've spoken with my wife…and yes, I agree with her. I don't want you swearing around my children."
"Sorry, I was just broken from my sleep cycle, I'm not up for a lecture, please and thank you," Ruthie told him sharply and added, "By the way, I think Lucy lectured me plenty well enough."
"Speaking of Lucy, I hear Mary thinks that Lucy and I are perfect," Matt laughed caustically. "That's funny, really funny." She gave him an exasperated look. He quit laughing and told her, "I'm not saying Lucy lecturing you the way she did was right."
Ruthie raised her eyebrows, "Oh."
"It wasn't right for her to make a big scene in front of the children, I mean, sure no parent wants their two year old going around saying the word you said, but making a scene in front of the little ones didn't help matters," Matt told her.
"It's like she thinks she's superior to the world," Ruthie muttered.
"Ruthie, she doesn't," Matt told her, "you and I both know Lucy is just insecure about who she is, that's why she tries to act like she's superior."
"So you're saying I'm supposed to treat her like she's superior so she'll quit acting like she's superior?" Ruthie rolled her eyes at her brother.
"No," Matt said slowly, "I'm trying to say to give Lucy a little lean-way, she has a lot on her plate right now being pregnant, losing her father, and now she wants to take Dad's position as minister at the church." As if I don't have more on my plate! Ruthie cried, I can't keep this to myself much longer, I have to tell him. Matt can help me. It would be nice to have him on my side—wait—what if he doesn't help me? What if he tells me that I fucked myself up and dumps me to the side? Matt wouldn't do that, would he? He had always been there for her, she couldn't imagine him turning on her now.
"Matt, I need to tell you something," Ruthie said slowly. "Something that has been bothering me."
"Oh?" Matt questioned, "You know, Ruthie, I'm always here for you. No matter what, I'll help you."
"I-I…" Ruthie stuttered, here goes, "I-I don't have an eating disorder, I overheard you and Sarah talking earlier." I can't. I can't do this.
Matt's jaw dropped, "Oh, well, that's a relief—I mean, I never thought you had an eating disorder. Surely you heard me tell Sarah that, but that's great." He wrapped his arm around her, "I was afraid you were going to tell me you had a STD or were pregnant." Ruthie's heart sunk, ugh. "Sarah and Kevin are really concerned about you, is there anything else going on?" I could tell him, she thought, not yet, not until after my father is buried.
"No, nothing, that's all—I felt uncomfortable around Sarah today knowing she thought I had an eating disorder, that's all," Ruthie told her brother attempting to come off as sincere.
"Oh, well that's good," Matt smiled, "Anyway, there is something else I wanted to run past you…I haven't ran it past anyone else yet, so you're the first."
"What's that?" Ruthie smiled weakly, "I'm always the first to know all your secrets." He doesn't know I know about Sarah, him, and the boys moving back yet, Ruthie reminded herself as she bit her lip.
"I guess you do," Matt grinned, "but this isn't really a secret."
"Oh, okay, well what's up?" Ruthie asked curiously.
"Well, I was thinking—I know you, Mary, and Lucy are at odds—"
"—Mary and I are fine, at least I think we are…we talked," Ruthie corrected.
"Oh, well, anyway, I was thinking: what do you think about the five of us original Camden kids having an outing? No spouses, no kids, no Sam and David. Just you, Mary, Lucy, Simon, and me," Matt ran past her. Ruthie's eyes widened, that could be good or bad… She could just see all five of them hanging out at one of their favorite places as teenagers, per say the Pool Hall. All five of them would sit at the corner table eating burgers, then suddenly Mary would make a comment about how she raised her children and Lucy would snap at her about "what bad idea that was." She shuddered.
"Um, I don't know if that's such a great idea, I mean, in a perfect ideology it would be fun—but, I don't know," Ruthie sighed, "I would go, heck, who doesn't love a little added drama in their life?"
Matt chuckled, "You act like our family is some sort of television show."
"Sometimes I feel like there are cameras following us everywhere," Ruthie stated, "I bet we would receive number one ratings on a network."
Matt laughed, "Well, maybe when Simon's a successful film director he'll create a show based off our family."
Ruthie laughed while also rolling her eyes, "Wouldn't that be funny?" Simon, where are he and Cecilia staying? She wondered. There was no room left in the house. Grandma Ruth and the Colonel were staying with Aunt Julie and Hank; that took their final room. "Where are Simon and Cecilia staying?"
"Well," Matt started, "Mom offered him the garage apartment, but he declined. He said he and Cecilia would rather go find a hotel tonight, the Hamilton's are staying in a hotel tonight too. He wants to spend the night hanging out with Nigel I suppose."
"I see," Ruthie said.
"You really should come downstairs, Lynn looked really disappointed when she couldn't find you earlier," Matt insisted.
"I guess I should," Ruthie sighed, "It would only be right, after all…oh, you said Roxanne and Chandler were here?"
Matt shrugged, "Yeah, I guess so. I never knew them very well, I think I only met them like twice…Lucy's wedding and that one time Sarah and I were fighting."
"I don't suppose you'll have any idea about-."
"Absolutely no idea," Matt cut in, placing his hand on Ruthie's shoulder. "Only way you can find out is by going downstairs."
She felt like she was slipping, it was like she no longer knew anything about anything going on in this house. There was a time she felt like she knew everything, felt being the key word. The world around her was changing quickly as she evolved into womanhood. Yet, she still felt like a little girl. It was funny, it wasn't that long ago she was begging people to treat her like she was "all grown up." Now, she just wanted to be a little kid again.