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Beast Wars
The Not-So-Sweet Smell of Stinkbomb
Written by Kenny Rutter
ACT ONE
Fade in.
EXT. – EST. – GRASSY FIELD. DAY.
A timer is counting down. It's almost reached zero.
VICTORIA (O. S.)
Three. Two. One.
SFX: BRING! The time's reached zero. Victoria presses the button on top, silencing it.
VICTORIA (O. S.)
There you have it. Lunch is served.
ANOTHER ANGLE.
Dinobot's HUNGRILY stuffing his face with a bowl of instant noodles.
DINOBOT
(eating)
This is delicious. I can see how this could
catch on.
VICTORIA
Yup. Next best thing to sliced bread.
DINOBOT
(still eating)
Will you not, as you humans say, dig in?
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VICTORIA
Speaking of digging, have you noticed that
we happen to be sitting near the graveyard
of an old Civil War battlefield? "I'm hungry",
the raptor says. And then he has the gull to
ask me to sit down and eat! Slag. Even our
buzzing bee buddy has better manners.
CYBERBEE
Finally, someone who compliments me instead of
swatting me. I must say, Victoria, I'm impressed
by the objects of your world – your instant food-
stuffs, and your ska – ska – your wheeled plank.
Tell me, has this land started trading with
others?
VICTORIA
Yeah. Good observation, Cyberbee. Figures you'd
notice. Actually, instant noodles were invented
in Japan for astronauts during the space age.
DINOBOT/CYBERBEE
"Astronuts"?
VICTORIA
Astronauts. That's right. You do know we've
been to the moon, right?
DINOBOT
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On a skateboard?
VICTORIA
No, you goof-bot. On a rocket.
DINOBOT
Which would be – what?
VICTORIA
They're sort of like primitive versions of
your spacecraft. They're long and usually
white, and flames shoot out from the bottom.
"Countdown to launch….ZOOM! Liftoff!"
Dinobot's not listening. He starts drinking the broth at the bottom of the bowl.
VICTORIA
Trust the dinosaur to be more interested in
food than by space travel.
(sniffs)
YUCK! What's that smell?
Dinobot sniffs his armpit.
DINOBOT
Not me. I took an oil bath earlier.
VICTORIA
It doesn't smell like stinky dino, Dinobot.
Dinobot sniffs the air.
DINOBOT
Whatever it is, it's close.
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Indeed, there's a rustle in some nearby bushes.
STINKBOMB (O. S.)
(German accent)
You there! You have Energon, ja?
Dinobot TRANSFORMS into Robot Form, his weapons ready.
DINOBOT
What is that? A Predacon?
CYBERBEE
I believe it's a skunk.
DINOBOT
Unlikely, Cyberbee.
ANOTHER ANGLE.
A skunk charges out of the bushes and LEAPS at Dinobot.
STINKBOMB
Give me the Energon or give me your lives!
Dinobot doesn't bother waste his time with his weapons; he just SWATS the skunk away. The skunk lands hard a few meters away.
STINKBOMB
(in German)
Who dares swat me like some common insect?
Back on: Dinobot.
He walks over to the skunk and picks him up by the tail.
DINOBOT
Feisty, aren't you? Nice stripe.
STINKBOMB
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Put me down, fool!
VICTORIA
I'd listen to him, Dinobot. He's a –
DINOBOT
A badger? No, a squirrel.
STINKBOMB
I'm a skunk, heathen!
DINOBOT
What's a skunk?
Stinkbomb shows him by BLASTING him in the face with his noxious spray, stinging Dinobot's eyes and nose. Dinobot drops Stinkbomb and falls to his knees, holding his face.
DINOBOT
GAH! RRRRAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!
Victoria hurries over to him.
VICTORIA
Are you alright, Dinobot?
DINOBOT
Where did that weasel escape to?
Victoria looks OS.
VICTORIA
Hey! Get out of my stuff!
On: Stinkbomb.
He's rummaging through Victoria's backpack, throwing its contents all over the place, until he pulls out a sandwich bag with three shimmering crystals in it – Energon crystals.
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STINKBOMB
Found it! The Energon!
He hops down from Victoria's backpack and starts running away, the sandwich bag in his mouth.
STINKBOMB
(muffled)
Our time together has been short, but sweet.
Farewell!
DINOBOT
I think not!
He FIRES at Stinkbomb with his laser eye beams. They all miss. One lands dangerously close to Stinkbomb, and the resulting explosion knocks him off balance. He trips and lands on his face.
Fast cut to:
EXT. – GRASSY FIELD. DAY. SOME TIME LATER.
Victoria's putting a Band-Aid on Stinkbomb's head.
STINKBOMB
They always pick on the little guy.
VICTORIA
Why were you so desperate to take our
Energon?
On: Dinobot.
He's now in Beast Form, carefully holding the sandwich bag with two clawed fingers.
DINOBOT
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I understand. He doesn't have the strength
to battle his enemies.
STINKBOMB
Ja, I am strong enough. I merely wanted the
Energon as a precaution.
But Dinobot and Victoria aren't listening. They're arguing.
VICTORIA
Excuse me. Mind telling me why the Energon's
in your hands?
DINOBOT
Do I look like the Predacon I used to be?
I was holding onto it, not stealing it.
STINKBOMB
I'm the one telling the story here!
Cut to:
EXT. – MOUNTAIN RAVINE. DAY.
The Union and Confederate armies face each other, ready to battle. A bugle SFX: BLARES.
CONFEDERATE CAPTAIN
Charge your bayonets!
ANOTHER ANGLE.
Blackarachnia and Rampage – Beast Forms – are atop one of the mountains, watching the two armies prepare to fight.
BLACKARACHNIA
Shall we, Rampage?
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RAMPAGE
Indeed we shall.
Blackarachnia LEAPS down the mountain, maintaining her control with a strand of webbing. She faces the Confederate army.
BLACKARACHNIA
Blackarachnia, Terrorize!
Blackarachnia – TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE.
She TRANSFORMS into Robot Form and FIRES at the army with her machine guns. She also blasts at them with her crossbow. No soldiers are killed, but her attack causes the army to turn and retreat.
UNION SOLDIER
Such power! Do the beasts claim to be our
allies?
ANOTHER ANGLE.
Rampage SLIDES down the mountain and faces the remaining army.
RAMPAGE
You entertain thoughts of being our allies,
human scum? Don't make me laugh, you maggots.
Rampage, Terrorize!
Rampage – TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE.
He TRANSFORMS and BLASTS at the Union army with his rocket launcher, sending a few flying into the air. The remaining soldiers fall back in fear.
RAMPAGE
If only they put up a fight, this would be
a lot more entertaining.
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BLACKARACHNIA
Certainly would. But then again, with
all that Energon we absorbed last week, we're
too powerful for even Optimus Primal.
RAMPAGE
Let's go find some more.
Fade out.
End Act One.
ACT TWO
Fade in.
EXT. – FOREST. DAY.
Victoria's riding her skateboard down the trail. Stinkbomb's on her shoulder. Dinobot's leaping from one tree to another, following them.
Victoria brings her skateboard to a stop.
VICTORIA
Wait a cycle. They killed your friend over
some Energon?
STINKBOMB
Ja. I am not sure of their names, but one
was a black widow, and the other, a monster crab.
On: Dinobot.
He stops on a tree branch just above them.
DINOBOT
A black widow and a crab. No doubt who it
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is. Right, Cyberbee?
CYBERBEE
Definitely Blackarachnia and Rampage. Their
normal powers have certainly been amplified
by the Energon they've absorbed. They'll be
difficult to defeat.
DINOBOT
Then that will only make defeating them all
the more enjoyable.
STINKBOMB
(in German)
And one day man will walk on the moon!
(in English)
This is a battle to be fought only by Maximals.
Not former Predacons such as yourselves.
Dinobot just glares at him.
STINKBOMB
That's right. I did a scan of you before I
tried to take the Energon. I know you used to
be a Predacon. Stay out of this fight, if you
know what's good for you.
VICTORIA
Uh, Stinkbomb? Dinobot's not one you want to
insult like that.
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ANOTHER ANGLE.
Dinobot LEAPS down from the tree and PUNCHES Stinkbomb. The little Maximal falls to the ground. Dinobot starts stomping on him.
VICTORIA
Go easy on him. He's only a little fellow.
DINOBOT
And if I do not teach him manners, he will
continue to act in such a manner.
STINKBOMB
So sorry, herr Dinobot. As a token of my
apology – Stinkbomb, Maximize!
Stinkbomb – TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE.
He TRANSFORMS and takes out a dart launcher, shooting at Dinobot. The five darts he fires pin Dinobot to a nearby tree.
DINOBOT
Little fool!
Back on: Stinkbomb.
He returns to his Beast Form.
STINKBOMB
You are to stay nailed to the tree until
someone frees you.
VICTORIA
That's not fair, Stinkbomb. Let him go.
STINKBOMB
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I avoid playing dirty tricks on fraulines if
I can.
He kicks some dirt onto her shoes.
STINKBOMB
Don't hold this against me, Victoria.
VICTORIA
Do you mind? These are new shoes!
ANOTHER ANGLE.
Stinkbomb climbs up her leg until he reaches her backpack. He opens it and takes out the bag with the Energon.
VICTORIA
Hey!
STINKBOMB
(leaping to the ground)
Thanks very much. I will use this to draw out
the Predacons and get my revenge!
He puts the bag in his mouth and hurries away.
VICTORIA
That little weasel! He's got our Energon!
Get back here, you little varmint!
She hurries after Stinkbomb, leaving Dinobot all by himself.
DINOBOT
Wait! You can't leave me stuck to this
tree! Get back here! RRRRAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
Cut to:
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EXT. – RIVER. DAY.
Rampage – Beast Form – scuttles out of the river. He swallows a small fish he's caught.
RAMPAGE
These fish are so easy to catch.
He stops where he is and sniffs the air.
RAMPAGE
That foul scent again. It must be him.
ANOTHER ANGLE.
Stinkbomb comes hurrying out of some tall grass.
STINKBOMB
I think I'm safe from them.
BAM! Rampage's massive robot foot SLAMS down on the ground in front of him, causing him to stop and back up in panic.
STINKBOMB
Ach, nein!
RAMPAGE
How very nice. You remember me.
Stinkbomb's about to run away, but he notices the sash Rampage is wearing. It looks a lot like a skunk pelt.
RAMAPGE
Do you like my sash? It's just like that
little skunk friend of yours.
STINKBOMB
Why you slagging piece of beryllium
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bologna! This is for Angelika!
He LEAPS at Rampage, who easily bats him aside. When Stinkbomb lands, Rampage spots the bag with the Energon crystals.
RAMPAGE
So, you did have Energon!
He aims his rocket launcher at Stinkbomb, who just stares at him in shock.
STINKBOMB
It doesn't look good.
But before Rampage can blast Stinkbomb –
WHACK! An arrow goes through his arm, stopping him. He looks in the direction that the arrow came from –
And there's Victoria, putting another arrow in her bowstring.
VICTORIA
Wow. I actually hit him.
(to Stinkbomb)
Stinkbomb, bring the Energon over to me,
quick!
STINKBOMB
Uh, right!
ANOTHER ANGLE.
Stinkbomb grabs the Energon and hurries over to Victoria, who's still aiming at Rampage.
VICTORIA
Stay where you are! Or the next one's
going through your Spark!
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RAMPAGE
(chuckling)
What Spark?
Victoria doesn't bother asking about that – she just lets her arrow fly. It harmlessly bounces off of Rampage's body.
VICTORIA
Not exactly the result I wanted.
RAMPAGE
I told you, I can't be destroyed. But
you can!
He gets ready to fire.
STINKBOMB
We must flee!
VICTORIA
Right!
They hurry away.
Back on: Rampage.
He tracks them with his rocket launcher, and FIRES!
ANOTHER ANGLE.
The rocket barely misses them, but it still causes them to get thrown off balance. They land, hard, and Victoria's knocked unconscious.
STINKBOMB
Victoria! Wake up! Please!
He looks OS, then runs into the tall grass to hide.
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ANOTHER ANGLE.
Rampage lumbers through the grass. He looks around, but doesn't see Stinkbomb.
RAMPAGE
You're around here somewhere, you little
stinker. I can smell you.
He sees Victoria.
RAMPAGE
Hmm. I have an idea.
He flips Victoria over his shoulder, then TRANSFORMS into Beast Form and scuttles away.
Back on: Stinkbomb.
He's watching from the tall grass, helpless to do anything.
STINKBOMB
He has the girl!
He tries to hurry after Rampage, but he's not fast enough.
STINKBOMB
I don't have the strength to take on
Rampage by myself. I need Dinobot's
help.
He hurries away, and we:
Fade out.
End Act Two.
ACT THREE
Fade in.
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EXT. – FOREST. DAY.
Dinobot's still struggling to get free of the darts. Cyberbee's pulling on one, but not having any luck at all.
CYBERBEE
It's no use, Dinobot. I just don't have
the strength to free you.
DINOBOT
(roaring)
That Stinkbomb will SUFFER for this!
STINKBOMB (O. S.)
Herr Dinobot!
ANOTHER ANGLE.
Stinkbomb's hurrying towards him. He stops near Victoria's skateboard, panting hard – he's a little short of breath.
STINKBOMB
I'll free you from the darts if you only
agree to never strike me!
DINOBOT
Wait a moment. Wasn't the human with you?
STINKBOMB
Well? Will you not strike me again?
DINOBOT
Very well. I shall never strike you again.
STINKBOMB
Very well.
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Stinkbomb – TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE.
He TRANSFORMS into Robot Form and, using his dart gun, pulls the darts off the tree, freeing Dinobot.
STINKBOMB
There. Now, I will tell you where the
girl is.
ANOTHER ANGLE.
Dinobot CLOCKS Stinkbomb with a deadly right hook, knocking him to the ground.
STINKBOMB
I thought we had a deal!
DINOBOT
We did not shake hands on it. Besides, I
believe you have something that belongs to
me.
He picks Stinkbomb up and starts SHAKING him. The bag with the Energon falls out of Stinkbomb's chest compartment. Dinobot picks it up.
DINOBOT
Thank Primus that it's safe.
STINKBOMB
Would you forget about the Energon for a
moment? The girl has been taken hostage
by the Predacon Rampage!
DINOBOT
What did you do? Hide in the bushes while
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he made off with the human?
STINKBOMB
Why do you pin all the blame on me? She's
your frauline. You should at least do some
of the rescuing!
Dinobot SLAMS Stinkbomb onto the ground.
DINOBOT
She is not my frauline. But I suppose it would
not hurt to save her just this once. That is,
of course, if you're prepared to give me a
full apology and prepare me an oil bath once
we return to Maximal HQ.
Stinkbomb clenches a fist.
STINKBOMB
Why is it me who's handing out all the
apologies? But I cannot save Victoria on
my own. Beast Form.
He returns to his Beast Form and puts his head down.
STINKBOMB
Very well. I apologize.
DINOBOT
I wasn't serious.
He picks up Victoria's skateboard.
DINOBOT
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Come, Stinkbomb. We have much to do
but very little time to do it.
Cut to:
INT. – ABANDONED FORT – GALLEY. NIGHT.
Rampage is stirring up some sort of stew in a large pot. Victoria's lying unconscious on a bench nearby. She slowly wakes up.
RAMPAGE
So, you're finally awake.
VICTORIA
You….You're Rampage, aren't you?
She finally notices the pot behind Rampage.
VICTORIA
What are you cooking back there?
RAMPAGE
Oh, this? This is a recipe I found
after raiding one of the tribes below
the southern border. The main ingredient is
human flesh.
VICTORIA
Forget it! I'd rather be blasted into
subatomic particles than be boiled down
for some homemade soup!
RAMPAGE
Quiet. If Blackarachnia hears you, she may
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Just fulfill your wish. I want you to
be my dinner. You'll better serve that
purpose in one piece.
ANOTHER ANGLE.
Blackarachnia lowers herself from the roof outside on a sting of webbing and swings in, TRANSFORMING as she lands.
BLACKARACHNIA
I thought I heard your voice. I'm surprised
to see you back so soon, Rampage.
RAMPAGE
I know. Sooner than we expected.
Blackarachnia notices Victoria on the bench behind Rampage.
BLACKARACHNIA
And why is the Maximals' pet here?
RAMPAGE
She's my dinner.
BLACKARACHNIA
Like I care. Oh, and before I forget:
How did you fare in finding some Energon?
RAMPAGE
How could I have foolishly forgotten? I
found two crystals, but quickly lost them,
regrettably.
BLACKARACHNIA
You found two, but lost them?
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She BLASTS him with her machine guns.
BLACKARACHNIA
Don't tell me you were more interested in
this girl that you forgot all about our precious
Energon!
She lets up her attack. Rampage is full of holes and smoking, but other than that, he's not hurt.
BLACKARACHNIA
So, that little stinker of a skunk still has
our Energon, huh?
She starts to make her way towards the exit.
RAMPAGE
You're going after him?
BLACKARACHNIA
Of course I am. And you're coming with me.
That is, of course, unless you want me to tell
Megatron about your incompetent failure.
She makes the motion of crushing something in her claws, causing Rampage to wince.
RAMPAGE
If you do, and I find out, I'll be sharpening
my dagger on you.
Back on: Victoria.
She tries to crawl away, but Rampage notices this out of the corner of his eye.
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RAMPAGE
Where do you think you're going?
He turns and FIRES a rocket in her direction. It misses, and TEARS a hole in the wall.
VICTORIA
Yikes! Watch where the heck you're aiming
that thing!
RAMPAGE
A thousand pardons. I was actually aiming
at your head, so you wouldn't feel anything.
VICTORIA
Wait! You don't wanna kill me!
RAMPAGE
And why not?
VICTORIA
Well, uh – you won't be able to find Stinkbomb
and the Energon crystals if you do!
RAMPAGE
What?
VICTORIA
(thinking)
Go, girl. There's one born every minute.
I've got the crab. Now I just have to work
on the witch.
(speaking)
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You guys are familiar with Dinobot, right?
The brave, strong, noble warrior?
BLACKARACHNIA
Him, strong? That Dinobot's just a Maximal
now.
VICTORIA
But he is strong! He's beaten the Predacons
over and over again by himself, and – more to
the point – he knows the location of more
Energon than even Optimus Primal.
RAMPAGE
You're lying.
BLACKARACHNIA
Are you, really?
VICTORIA
I wouldn't lie about him. Sure, he's a lizard,
but the guy's got a mad crush on me. If you
tell him you're holding me captive, I just
know my one and only true love will gladly hand
over the Energon crystals.
On: Blackarachnia.
She returns to her Beast Form and puts her fangs against Victoria's neck.
BLACKARACHNIA
Alright, you little germ. Take us to
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Dinobot. But I'm warning you now – if I
find out you were lying, I'll kill you.
And I seriously doubt you'd enjoy having
your innards sucked out through a straw.
Cut to:
EXT. – MOUNTAIN REGION. NIGHT.
Dinobot's running through the mountains, dodging the trees and boulders. He's still holding Victoria's skateboard in his claws, and Stinkbomb's holding on for dear life on Dinobot's back.
DINOBOT
What is the matter, Stinkbomb? I trust you're
not afraid. I can always take you back to
the forest, if you like.
STINKBOMB
I am not afraid! Besides, it's me who got
the girl into this mess.
ANOTHER ANGLE.
Dinobot stops on the top of a rocky mountain.
DINOBOT
Finally, something we can agree on.
CYBERBEE
Can we pick up the pace, boys? If I know
those two, they won't let a pretty young girl
like Victoria live for long.
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STINKBOMB
Let's hurry, Dinobot.
DINOBOT
For what reason? Did you not hear him?
He said, "pretty" young girl. Victoria is
far from pretty, I'll have you know.
STINKBOMB
Ja? That's your opinion. She is pretty, and
brave, and smart.
CYBERBEE
Don't I get a say in this?
STINKBOMB
Ach! She's going to haunt me for this! I've
heard the stories from other skunks, and I know
how it works!
DINOBOT
Get off of my back! I'm going, okay?!
He sniffs; he smells something.
ANOTHER ANGLE.
He LEAPS off the mountain top, just as it EXPLODES! He lands and looks up.
ANOTHER ANGLE.
There's Blackarachnia, standing on the top of a tree, her machine guns smoking.
BLACKARACHNIA
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Agile as always. And your nose is just
as keen as ever.
DINOBOT
Widow. Why are you here?
BLACKARACHNIA
Oh, it's just a little matter of some
Energon. And, as collateral for our
little deal – Rampage!
ANOTHER ANGLE.
Rampage scuttles out of the forest, Victoria on his back.
RAMPAGE
Here I am.
VICTORIA
Dinobot! Stinkbomb!
DINOBOT
(thinking)
At least they haven't hurt the human. Yet.
BLACKARACHNIA
It seems that the girl's story was true.
Now, hand over the Energon crystals, or
you'll never see your lover again!
DINOBOT
Wait. See…my…lover?
VICTORIA
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(thinking)
Some people just can't take a joke.
RAMPAGE
I knew you were lying, you little pest.
DINOBOT
Tell me if I get this story straight. You
and I are supposed to be…lovers?
RAMPAGE
What?!
VICTORIA
Of course we are! So just give them the
Energon and we can go home!
DINOBOT
You are insane if you think I'll hand over the
Energon for you!
VICTORIA
Do it! That's what a true lover would do!
DINOBOT
Read my lips, human! We…are…not…LOVERS!
And without love, there is no point in arguing.
BLACKARACHNIA
I believe I've heard my fill. It seems that
you do have Energon for us, Dinobot. Energon
that will be MINE!
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ANOTHER ANGLE.
Blackarachnia LUNGES at Dinobot, who prepares to TRANSFORM.
DINOBOT
Dinobot, Maximize!
Dinobot – TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE.
Dinobot quickly TRANSFORMS and takes out his gyro-blade. He intercepts Blackarachnia's attack and throws her back.
BLACKARACHNIA
This should be an interesting battle.
DINOBOT
(thinking)
And hopefully, widow, it will be your last.
Fade out.
End Act Three.
Show preview of next episode: "Blackarachnia's Revenge"