Sorry i've been so useless at updating regularly. Hopw you enjoy. I think this is one of the last chapters.

Sacrifice

Chapter 10

As I made my way back to the Cullen's house I tried to focus on my speed above all else. It hurt too much to think about what I'd just put Jacob through, again. Of course, the dive off the cliff had been totally harmless. My granite body had sunk straight to the bottom and my keen eye sight cut through the gloom effortlessly but I had survived it without effort. In fact, I'd walked along the bottom to the beach, revelling in how truly alone I was, just thinking things through. It had helped; the peace I had got. No marine animals came near me, probably scared of how foreign I was, but I appreciated the alone time. I thought things through and decided I would leave the Cullen's for a while. I really needed to have the freedom to get over what had transpired in the past couple of days. I really needed to pull myself together or I would be of no company to anyone. I knew it would be hard, being a newborn vampire but I knew if I stayed in the wilderness somewhere I wouldn't pose a threat to anyone.

As I sped through the trees I felt confident in my choice. I would catch up with the Cullen's in a few years time, after all, a few years was nothing to an immortal and when I chose to integrate myself into their family I would be worth having around. At the moment though, I just felt so miserable about Jacob. I couldn't help but wonder what if? What if I had realised just how much I loved him before? Would it have changed anything? Of course, I told him it wouldn't have because I was hardly going to tell him that it would have changed things, that wouldn't have been helpful to him. I knew the break in his heart would be irreversible if I'd told him that but me, with all the extra space in my head couldn't help but wonder.

I arrived at the Cullen's and on entering the house I found them all waiting for me looking grim. Of course, Alice I thought. She would have seen me make my decision; Edward would have heard through her thoughts what I was planning. They all knew and they didn't look happy about it.

"Look guys," I began, "I really need to get away for a while. I need to sort things out in my head."

"We understand," Carlisle began, "But we don't feel it's wise for such a young vampire to go it alone."

"But I managed to not kill Jacob today. I was feet from him and I didn't go for him."

Shock flitted across all their faces except one. I looked at Edward inquisitively. I had thought he would have told them what had happened on the cliff.

Despite not being able to read my thoughts he knew what I was thinking. "I felt it was your good news to tell."

I nodded, appreciating I had the opportunity to defend myself. They listened to my story with mixed expressions of disbelief and admiration on their faces. Once I had finished Carlisle said, "Well this changes things. Of course, it made not be wise to test yourself this early on. You may have resisted Jacob today because you love him, but what happens if a stranger crosses your path?"

I winced, not wanting to be responsible for anyone's death. I didn't want to be the monster in somebody's life; I didn't want to be a murderer.

"I suppose... I just need to get away from here though, I need a break. It's so hard having my family so close but not being able to be with them, not being able to see them."

Carlisle nodded in response and Esme said, "Well of course, if you want to move we can. We can all go somewhere else, we're not exactly short of money. We could all have a change from here. Ooh, we could visit Tanya."

The whole family burst into animated conversation about where we could move to and I stood by feeling helpless. As much as I appreciated their enthusiasm, I didn't feel like I really was a part of their family. I didn't know if I was ready to be a Cullen. That's why I wanted to go away, to find out who I was before I integrated myself into their family.

The only one who wasn't thriving on the conversation was Edward who stood in the corner looking thoughtful. As the room was filled with the voices of the Cullen's I saw Alice's head snap up, her face turned to Edward with a confused frown on it.

"Bella," Edward said softly, "May I speak to you outside?"

Obviously, everyone else in the room overheard and their conversation was silenced as I nodded. Edward walked out the door without looking to see if I was following but I did. I was drawn to him somehow. He barely talked to me and I was curious to see what would cause him to want to talk to me in private.

"Outside" to a vampire didn't mean just out the door as it would have meant to a human, due to the super hearing "outside" meant a few miles away from the rest of the family. I followed Edward, keeping up easily with his fantastic speed, feeling the euphoria of being as special as he was, in a way.

He stopped abruptly and I stopped too, looking at him curiously.

"Today," He began, looking straight into my eyes, "You were amazing."

He said it so surely that I knew I would have blushed scarlet were I still human.

"Thanks," I mumbled. The worlds only self-conscious Vampire, great. I thought dryly.

"I've never seen such control, and in one so young. You looked so calm and sure of yourself. I didn't think it was even possible."

I said nothing, just appreciating that he was not only speaking to me, but complimenting me.

"Over the past few days I've been watching you, observing you, trying to know what you were thinking. You're so hard to read and it drives me crazy, but I feel this strange pull to you, like you're some sort of magnet and I can't resist the urge to try and read your thoughts despite the fact I know I can't." He paused, obviously trying to gauge my reaction but I just stood still, trying to figure out where he was going. He groaned.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about! You're so calm and collected and I can't read you. I know I've been very rude over the past few days and I apologise for that. I was just too proud to accept you're a mystery to me. And you are, Bella. You chose this life and it fits you so naturally. I've never seen such a civilized young vampire before. You have no idea how much I wish I knew what was going through your head."

He paused again and I was lost for words. I had no idea where he was going or if his sole purpose was to tell me I drove him crazy. I kept my mouth shut, not knowing what I'd say if I opened it. I felt for sure I would say something stupid like, I've been watching you too and I've never seen anyone so beautiful. Or, I'm glad you didn't know what I was thinking so you wouldn't know how much I thought about you. Or, I'm drawn to you too and I can't explain it. Or even, I'm so glad you were there this afternoon because if you weren't, not only would I have killed Jacob, but you wouldn't be talking to me now and that would make me even more miserable.

He watched me, an agonized expression on his face as his thoughts remained a mystery to him.

"I'm going to ask you something, and it may be forward, in fact, it's very forward and you don't have to say yes but I hope you do because that would make my day.... but don't let that pressure you or anything." The words tumbled from his mouth in a gush and even with my amazing hearing I had trouble catching them all.

"Yes?" I asked, the curiosity of what had him this worked up consuming my mind as part of it raced around trying to figure it out.

"Well, I knew you wanted to go away after I saw the vision Alice saw once you made the decision and the thought of being separated from you hurt me, quite inexplicably. I could tell earlier when my family suggested we all move that you wanted to be on your own and that hurt even more, so what I'm trying to say is... Can I go with you?"

No matter what my thoughts were trying to predict, Edward wanting to go with me was not close to anything they'd come up with. I was so surprised, but in a good way. What surprised me even more was how easily and effortlessly the reply came, "Of course, Edward."

His features lit up and he looked even more astounding than I'd ever seen him. For some reason I couldn't quite explain, I didn't want to be on my own any more, ever. In that moment, I knew I always wanted Edward to be around which made absolutely no sense to me because I barely knew him.

The box I'd put Jacob in rattled slightly in the back of my mind and although I knew I love him, the feeling I got after Edward asked to go with me was something else entirely. It was an intense warmth that shot through my cold body and I felt hope for the first time in so long. Not the hope I'd felt about walking again, or being beautiful, this was real strong hope about love: something I'd thought would be lost to me forever.

"Let's go tell my family then." He smiled a crooked smile that made my face automatically smile in response. His eyes smouldered and I fought back the urge to run into his arms.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for fear of saying something that would scare him away. After all, I could hardly tell him I was in love with him after a week of knowing him and only a day of actually communicating with him. It was totally irrational to feel like this so I clamped my mouth shut and followed him back to the house, resisting the urge the skip.

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Ruth out x