Right, there was a story here...actually, there isn't yet. I'm looking at a blank page in front of a whole load of MAD cartoons...Sven had nothing to do last night, and my drugs just now kicked in...happy happy joy joy...[stares at little hairs floating through the air]
Wanted: New Readers with revolting sense of humor. No intelligence necessary. Apply below.
WARNING:Author is higher than a kite...we are not responsible for what happens next...and if you don't believe me, wait till you see the suicide scene in the "Titanic" spoof coming up. We assured that nobody will ever take it seriously again. Random Quote: Wilde- (watching the scene) So, who's jumping next? Get in line now! Andrews- Maybe we should have sold tickets for that. [yes, we did warp them a lot...it's fun]
CHAPTER TEN: "TALKING WINE BOTTLES & THE SKAT STRUT"
A while after the two senior Officers had left the Crew's Mess Hall, Tommy and Fabri had decided they'd had enough pizza. Both had very much enjoyed it and agreed it was definitely better than what was served in the Third Class area, and unlike the two Officers, who'd been visibly repulsed by the dinner conversation, they'd actually found themselves laughing the entire time.
"You know, this place isn't so bad." Fabri spoke up as they strolled down the Boat Deck.
"Well, the food was very good." Tommy agreed, laughing. "And the company wasn't too bad either."
"Did you see their hair?" Fabri asked, still not believing what they'd seen.
Tommy grinned. "The blue and purple was definitely interesting." He remarked.
"So where do we go now?" Fabri put in, changing the subject. "I don't know where Jack ran off to."
"Wherever the Officers and Rose did, I suppose." Tommy mused, considering it. "That could be anywhere by now."
Fabri nodded, then stared. "Tommy, do you see what I think I see?" He asked, pointing at the strange sight ahead.
"Isn't he adorable?" Silver cried, sounding proud. "We fixed him up ourselves!"
The two exchanged a glance. "Weeell, 'adorable' wasn't quite the word that came to mind." Tommy answered, after a minute.
"Oh come on!" Becca scolded. "He's a work of art!"
Fabri blinked, and cocked his head, staring at what had once been the Quartermaster. The man's clothing was covered in several different shades of neon glow in the dark paint, and his hair was done up in a bright neon purple mohawk. His hat was missing and it wasn't hard to see where it had gone, as Mid was now wearing it turned backwards.
"Actually, that looks a little uncomfortable." Tommy commented, walking around the man, who's mouth was taped with duct tape.
Becca, Emmy, Mid, Silver, Freddy, and Logan all exchanged looks. They had been proud of their art work and were now insulted that someone had said something negative about it.
"He's being mean." Freddy put in, giving the group a knowing look. "What do we do to people who are mean and insult our artwork?"
Tommy's eyes widened. "We didn't mean anything like that!" He replied, quickly. "Really, it looks very nice." He elbowed Fabri, who nodded.
"It's beautiful." Fabri told them, taking another look at Hitchens.
"A genuine work of art." Tommy finished.
The group exchanged another glance that plainly said there was no way they were falling for this.
"They're lying." Logan retorted, through narrowed eyes. "What do we do to liars that insult our art?"
Becca grinned. "We get even." She answered, sinisterly.
"Nail him." Freddy ordered, with a resounding 'snikt' as he popped his claws. [Freddy has two gloves with retractable claws of adamantium that we gave him]
The pair instantly backed away. Not looking where they were going, the wound up backed against a wall.
"What if we just apologized?" Fabri asked. He was now beginning to regret going into the First Class section with these people.
Silver grinned. "Too late." She told him, as she threw a balloon at him, which exploded on impact and covered him with day-glo yellow paint.
At about the same time, Emmy threw another one that exploded on Tommy, and covered the Irishman in a bright neon red glow in the dark paint.
As soon as the paint hit them, Becca and Mid aimed and fired the water pistols, resulting in two more paint covered children, who actually looked relieved to have not been truly shot.
"Awww, look at them, they're so adorable." Emmy cooed, poking one.
Silver eyed them, with her own grin. "Oh, I want one! Can I take him home?"
"Better not." Logan answered, shaking his head. "I don't think that would work out too well." He looked down at the two children. "Get lost. Your clothes are giving me a headache."
The boys exchanged a glance, and quickly ran off.
While the attitude was complete chaos on the rest of the ship, down in Steerage was another story. The Irishmen were playing lively jigs while Fiddles was dancing in the middle of the Dining Hall with a whole load of Steerage children.
As Fiddles had entered the area where a lot of Third Class people were eating their lunch, the entire place had looked completely scared out of their wits. However, Fiddles had cleared all that up when he asked if they were having a party. . . in so many words. "This is the Third Class Crew." He'd proclaimed, loudly. "Third Class has nice parties, yes it does. Fiddles heard all about it, and he wants to have a party. When are you having a dancing party, I love to dance, yes I do! Fiddles is a wonderful dancer and he even sings. Can we have a party right now? I was in First Class and they don't have parties at all. They are very boring, yes they are. They don't dance at all, and that's very boring. When are you having a party? Can I be there?"
After they'd gotten over the initial shock factor, the people had been more than willing to get out instruments and play the dance music. The people had been afraid at first of the strange talking green horse, but as the animal continued talking, the children had cautiously come up to touch him. After they'd figured out the horse was not going to hurt anyone, the party went into full-swing, and the people practically ran to the dance floor to dance with the green horse.
Popular as he was, Fiddles was enjoying every second of it, and even letting some of the children jump onto his back, as he danced them around the floor. This, he decided, was definitely tons better than running around on the Boat Deck looking at all the boring First Class people. He could not honestly believe this was supposed to be the not nice part of the ship, as this was the funniest time he'd had yet.
After he'd been dancing for about an hour, Fiddles frowned and decided he really should mention to someone there was a party going on, and they were all missing it. He reached his hoof up and turned on his com unit. "Hello everyone, this is Fiddles, yes it is! Fiddles is in a big party and you are all missing it, yes you are! If you wanna get to a party, you better come down right now, don't wait!" He spoke into the com, before he turned it off and went back to dancing with the children.
Quickie Dictionary:
Boot Rear: (noun) Drink in Xanth that tastes like Root Beer, only has a tendency to give a good kick in the rear, unless one is sitting down.
Club Soda: (noun) A dangerous 'knock-out' punch. (this pretty much says it all)
Meanwhile, up in the First Class Dining room, Two sinister figures were wreaking their own havoc in their own way. Dor and Irene, already five years old, were currently switching the drinks in the kitchen, with a variety of Xanth drinks, including Boot Rear and Club Soda.
"I think this should give the First Class people a nice surprise." Dor quipped, as they exited the kitchen.
"I certainly agree." The tampered bottle spoke up. "This stuff is kicking me. Make it stop."
Dor rolled his eyes. "They'll empty you soon enough." He told the bottle.
"I think you should do a lot more." A chair put in. "These First Class people are always sitting on me and they never have anything decent to say."
"They are completely boring." Remarked the center piece on one of the tables.
"Maybe we better get out of here now." Irene quipped. Being married to Dor, she had gotten used to the inanimate objects talking long ago, but it did get annoying at some times.
"Aw, you already got the drinks." Amanda complained, as she and Riddick entered the Dining Hall.
"Yes, he did, and this stuff is trying to kick me!" Complained the bottle again.
"We added a few things." Dor commented, with a shrug. "However, you can add your sea-sickness pills if you want. We don't mind."
"That depends." Another bottle spoke up. "Will it make me seasick?"
"You're a bottle." Irene spat out. "You can't get sea-sick. It's for the Passengers."
"Are you sure?" The bottle pressed. "I don't like the sound of it."
Amanda gave a flat look. "I'm going to break a few bottles." She muttered.
"Nooooooooooo!" All the bottles cried at once.
"No, don't break us! Think of my children!" Another bottle [we'll call it Bottle 21]
yelled.
Dor groaned. "You're a bottle, you don't have children!" He retorted, bluntly.
"Someday I might." Bottle 21 argued.
"Don't break me, I'm so young!" Bottle 43 cried, loudly. "I have a whole life to give people drinks!"
Down in the doorway, watching this scene were two children covered in blue and red paint. "Lights?" Murdoch whispered, staring. "Are you seeing this?"
"Of course he is!" The door retorted. "Unless he's blind."
Lights blinked. "I think we're in the wrong room." He replied, quietly. "We should go."
Murdoch nodded and the two quietly left the room, as the grisly scene of broken bottles unfolded behind them.
"Nooooooooooo! She has broken me!" Bottle 29 shrieked. "I am all over the floor! My life has ended forever! NOOOOOOO!
Amanda grinned triumphantly. "Ah that felt great." She mused to herself. "Hand me the seasickness pills."
Riddick shook his head, laughing, as he handed the bottle to her. He was having the time of his life, and didn't bother to hide it.
"Can we go to the party now?" Whiplash asked, pointedly. "I wanna dance on the bar."
"How do you even know they have one?" Teri retorted with a smirk. "Besides, who's gonna drive the ship while we party?"
"Choices choices." Becca murmured. After the incident with Tommy and Fabri, she and the Evil Trio had returned to the bridge, where Cassi and Sven had been taking turns sliding across the -now- rubber, and very wet floor.
"Lights was right, this is fun!" Cassi declared. "We should keep it this way."
"Most definitely." Sven agreed.
"About the party in Third Class-" Whiplash pressed.
Cassi shrugged. "Who's gonna drive the ship?" She asked.
"We wanted to drive the ship." Becca cut in. "But the party in Third Class sounds more fun."
Sven shrugged. "Personally, we don't need anyone to drive the ship." She reminded them. "It's not really even going anywhere. The clocks haven't moved since we got on board. It's just that nobody's noticed, because we won't let them."
"Good point." Cassi agreed. "Let's party."
"Who's watching the monitors?" Theodin inquired, leaning against the wall.
Cassi frowned. "Rob, are you coming?" She asked.
"I'll watch the monitors." He answered, giving her a wave. "I'm waiting for Lizzie to come back anyway. She paged me and said she was on her way back here."
Sven nodded. "Good, pressure's off. Let's party."
"Yippee! Party!" Silver shouted, gleefully.
With this, the entire group except Romano left the bridge. The Surgeon shook his head, swallowing a couple more headache pills. He was not wanting to deal with loud music right now anyway. Now was a better time to lay on the couch inside, and see who was throwing up in the restroom next.
However, it was only mere minutes after the rest of the group had left that a rather large group of children entered the Captain's Quarters, without even knocking.
The children looked around, obviously not finding whatever they were looking for.
Romano rolled his eyes and sat up, annoyed. "What the [heck] do you want and don't you even knock?" He demanded.
One of the children came forward and gave him a flat look. "I don't have to knock." He retorted. "This is my Quarters."
Romano eyed the boy that was the de-aged Captain. "Not right now, it isn't." He shot back. "What do you want?"
"Where are Cassi and Sven?" Smith asked, pointedly. "We were wanting some information out of them."
Romano sighed, running his tongue over his teeth. "Right. Well, they're not here." He informed them. "They went to Steerage. Fiddles started a big party there. You can probably find them wherever they have their parties."
"Who?" Siobhan asked, looking confused.
"Green talking and singing horse." Andrews explained. "You don't want to know."
"Well as long as we're here, you wouldn't happen to have any information on the sinking of this ship, would you?" Smith inquired.
Romano blinked. "Nope, don't know a thing." He answered, picking a book out of a bag and opening it.
The group exchanged knowing looks as they eyed the title on the book which read, 'The Story of the Titanic, as told by its Survivors.'
"Oh, I completely believe him." Wilde muttered, sarcastically.
Siobhan was staring at the names on the book. Even from across the room, she could read Lightoller's name clearly, as well as Harold Bride's. She frowned, disappointed that Lowe's and Moody's names did not appear there. Then again, that could not possibly be all the survivors.
Romano looked up from the book. "Are you still here?" He asked, sounding most annoyed. "Isn't there some street corner you can hang out on?"
The children did not answer, as they were all staring at the cover of the book.
Romano rolled his eyes and waved a hand in front of the book. "You heard me! Get lost!" He ordered. "They're at a party in Steerage, go find them."
"Let's go." Andrews spoke up, quietly, pulling Siobhan and Lowe toward the door. The others quietly followed, leaving the room.
Out on the bridge, Boxhall shivered. "That was strange." He said quietly. "Did you see the names on that book?" (there's only four on the book-Lawrence Beesley, Archibald Gracie, Lights and Bride)
"I saw them." Smith responded, trying to keep his balance on the wet rubber floor. They'd noticed the change, and all were slipping and sliding.
"That can't be all of them." Andrews cut in, bluntly. "The man Pippin said that 1500 die, but that still leaves a lot of others."
"We need to find Cassi and Sven." Moody reminded them. "Or those other two. Maybe we can get them to tell us something."
"They're at a party in Steerage." Siobhan put in, remembering what the other man had told them. "It's this way."
"Oh goodie." Moody retorted as they left the bridge, hanging onto Pitman as he tried not to fall over. "We get to go to another party."
"You owe me for last night." Boxhall reminded Moody. "I had to cover your shift while you went and danced all night."
"Got it." Moody told him, as the group headed for the Steerage area.
As the group of children with Captain Smith headed toward the Third Class, they were met with four more children. Two were Fabri and Tommy, who, now covered with different colors of paint and changed into little kids, had gone looking for the group with Jack. After a brief explanation of what had happened, they'd joined the group.
A few minutes later, as the group had come into the Second Class section, they'd run into the two senior Officers, who were still on rollerblades, and starting to get bored. They'd heard of the party via Com-link and decided it would be worth checking out. After they exchanged greetings, the two had joined the group. . . with small bits of apologies to Officer Wilde in regards to a few spit wads.
After Murdoch's apology, the group had exchanged information in regards to the goings on.
"How?" Moody asked, looking confused when Lights had explained their recent adventure.
Lights shrugged. "Not the slightest idea." He replied, honestly. "They have one who turns invisible, one who makes fire, one who walks on water, and another that transforms things. . . ." He trailed off.
"One walks on water?" Lowe asked, staring at him.
"Yes, they said it was a vampire or something that can walk on anything composed of water." Murdoch explained. (Spike-See Fellowship)
"That one transformed me." Rose added.
"That's Ardeth." Lights informed her. "He transforms living things. Lucy transforms non-living things."
"So what made the bottles talk?" Pitman asked.
Murdoch shrugged. "I don't think it was Amanda or Riddick." He answered, considering it. "But there were two other people in there. A man and a woman. I think it was one of them making everything talk."
"Interesting." Andrews remarked, looking impressed.
"So then I assume you're also headed to the party?" Lights inquired, looking at Andrews.
"Actually, we were hoping to get a few details on the ship sinking." Smith told them.
The two frowned. "That's actually true?" Murdoch asked, pointedly. "Lights and I saw it painted on the wall in the Crew's Mess, but we didn't really believe it."
"We've been hearing it from several people, and Fabri and Tommy said that those guys with the long hair told them it was supposed to go down tomorrow night." Jack informed them. "And Rose and I heard Ardeth and that friend talking about an ice berg and a curse on the mail hold."
Lights and Murdoch exchanged a glance. "We've heard nothing on it at all." Murdoch told them. "A few comments, and that sign on Lights' back, but nothing positive."
"That's why we were coming down here." Wilde explained. "To ask this Cassi and Sven if any of this is true."
Lights shrugged. "Good luck getting it out of them." He retorted. "As much as I've seen, it's next to impossible to get any information out of them that they don't want to give."
"Well, it's worth a try." Siobhan pointed out. "The least we can do is ask if we can prevent it."
Murdoch nodded. "Well, I suppose we might as well go with you as we were heading to the party anyway." He told them, skating slowly next to them. "We were getting bored in the Crew's Mess."
"And the lunch conversation left much to be desired." Lightoller added, making a face.
"I believe." Lowe remarked, cringing at all he'd been seeing since he'd met the Raptor Squad.
Down in Steerage, the party had taken yet another change. Pippin and Merry had instantly come down the second they'd heard about it and were now dancing on the table again. The EvilAuthors were split up. Cassi was dancing on the counter with Whiplash, Teri, Theodin, Haldir, and Freddy, who'd come down with Logan.
Logan himself was engaged in drinking several Third Class men under the table. Sven was seated in the corner with a notebook in her hand and Lucy sitting across from her, offering suggestions.
Danger Zone had joined the band, electric guitars, drums and keyboards included, and the dancers found the music fairly good for the most part, as the new band kept time with the Irish band perfectly.
Captain Sparrow was nowhere to be seen, as we suppose he's still cleaning out the cabins in the First Class, borrowing Lucy's talent for the hour, while he switched real jewels for fake. After a while, Becca and Mid had joined him. Silver and Emmy were climbing up on the counter to dance with the others.
By the time the large group of children got to the Third Class Dining Saloon, the entire party had gone completely out of control, and was making a name for itself in the history of killer parties.
"Well, this is a bit different from the last party they had down here." Moody spoke up, quietly.
"That's because nobody was dancing on the bar then." Lowe quipped, staring.
"Looks like fun." Rose put in, grinning.
"Definitely." Tommy agreed. "We should do that when we grow up."
Wilde shook his head, slightly annoyed that he seemed to be the only one taking this seriously much of the time. "Where are they?"
"Cassi's on the bar." Lights replied, pointing. "And so are Silver and Emmy. . . and Lowe's twin brother."
"Nice moves." Commented Rose, watching Whiplash.
Lowe frowned and stared at her, only to find that Siobhan was also watching him. The music, in his opinion, left much to be desired, as the group had switched from Irish jigs to something that Chris was singing was the "Skat Strut". The band, however, was laughing, and keeping up the beat very well, giving the song a bit more flavor.
Siobhan turned to look at Lowe after a minute. "Can you do that?" She asked, sounding most interested in watching him try it.
Lowe stared at her like she was insane. "Not that I know of." He answered, elbowing Moody, who'd started laughing.
Lights was watching Whiplash closely. "Actually, it doesn't really look that hard to do." He commented after a minute.
"So you get up there and try it." Lowe told him, bluntly.
"He'd have to take the skates off first." Murdoch pointed out.
"Forget the dancing." Wilde interrupted. "Does anyone see this Sven person?"
"I can't see a thing." Moody informed him, pointedly. "We're maybe what, three feet tall?"
Murdoch shrugged. "Oh, well than wait a second." He replied, as he pulled the pistol he still had out of his coat.
The others, with the exception of Lights stared at him as if they could not believe what they were seeing.
"How long have you had that?" Wilde demanded.
"Since Sven and Cassi gave it to me." Murdoch told him, as he turned the pistol on himself, changing back to an adult. He paused for a minute, turned around and sprayed Lightoller. "Let's go find Sven."
"Excuse me!" Wilde spat out. "What about the rest of us?"
Murdoch shrugged and handed him the gun. "Can't." He remarked, matter-of-factly. "The gun's empty. That was the last of it."
Wilde glared at the gun. "When I grow up, I'm going to strangle the both of you."
"Atta boy." Carter commented from behind them. "Aim low."
"I became a great warrior when I grew up." Ardeth bragged.
As Wilde glared at them, the others in the group were laughing.
"Sorry dude, but you walked into that one." Carter smirked. "Besides, this is fun. Why do you think we changed ourselves? I mean I've only done this about four times now."
"Uhhh, people?" Moody cut in, nudging the others. "You may wanna look at this."
The others turned to look at what he'd been pointing at, and they all stared. Lightoller had abandoned his skates, and joined the party on the bar at about the same time Amanda and Riddick did.
"Well. . .it could be worse." Andrews remarked, wanting to crawl under a chair and hide. "He could be still wearing his uniform. At least this way, they don't know he's an Officer."
Smith nodded. "Thank God." He muttered under his breath.