Alright, it's short, but it's an update.

Chris' was aware of a strange sensation against his backside. The vibration cut through his sleep, and forced light behind his eyelids, along with a slow, bleary awareness. My phone is ringing. He rolled over, forgetting that he was crammed into a tiny bed with his little girl, and toppled off onto the floor with a squeaky yelp. He got up to his knees and pulled his cell from his back pocket, as his eyes ran over the curled form of his sleeping daughter. He flipped the cell open and pressed it to his ear, and smiled softly as he pulled the covers up to his daughters chin, and then quietly left the room.

"Hello?"

"Chris!" The familiar, cheerful voice took him off guard, and as low as he had been feeling lately, it seemed like a ray of sunshine breaking through a canopy of gray storm clouds.

"Shawn!" Chris exclaimed, and almost danced for joy in the hallway. He quickly made his way down stairs, the phone sealed to his ear, his ears hurting because he was smiling so wide. "Oh God, Shawn you don't know how good it is to hear your voice!"

Chris sighed, and sank down onto his couch.

"I can do you one better."

Chris could almost see the smirk in Shawns' voice. Just by his tone and way he spoke, Chris knew right off that the pretty blond was up to something.

"What?"

Before he could get an answer from Shawn, a knock sounded at the door.

"Hold on, someone's here." Chris said, and went to the door. He undid the locks and pulled it open.

"Hey handsome, wanna buy some Girl Scout cookies?"

Chris nearly burst through the door. His phone fell to the floor and almost broke the screen door, forgetting that it was latched. He quickly got it open and drowned Shawn in a hug. He closed his eyes tight and reveled in the feel of the familiar man against him, the sound of his voice actually here, the softness and delicate smell of his hair…

"Chris, air?" Shawn coughed, being a complete drama queen. Chris reluctantly released his friend, and Shawn shook his head, laughing.

"You're not glad to see me, are you?"

"You don't even…Shawn…you just, can't even begin to know!"

Chris took Shawns' hands in him, and ran his thumbs over the smooth backs. So many things spun through Chris' mind, all the fights between him and Grace, all the turmoil being stirred up in his home, not to mention those ever dancing demons within. Chris was sure he would have lost his mind soon, he was so torn over everything. But something as simple as seeing Shawn again just made him simply happy again. Maybe it reminded him of his old life, before he'd made the decision to leave wrestling to 'deal with issues' and ha that had been going so well.

His mind went back to his last night, the night he and Shawn had went out clubbing in drag, how they'd met up with Mark, all of it. He wanted that life back, the life where he was on the road, away from his wife, who seemed like she didn't love him as much as he thought she did. He had hoped she would help him, not become a replay of his mother. He should have known better than that. He should have just stayed on the road, surrounding himself with men he loved and who loved him back with deep friendships. He should have stayed where he could spend nights alone in his hotel room, dressed the way that made him feel normal, just laying on the bed and watching a movie or listening to music, and not worrying about whether what he was doing was going to split up his family or ruin his life.

"Chris, are you okay?" Shawn narrowed his eyes at the blond, he was thoughtfully chewing his lip and his blue eyes had seemed to become darker, as though something was struggling in their depths.

"Hm?" Chris blinked at Shawn, and glanced down. It suddenly dawned on him that he was holding Shawns' hands. He was stroking them. A dark blush crept up his neck and he dropped Shawns' hands.

"Sorry, just so glad to see you." He explained, smiling crookedly. Shawn clapped him on the shoulder.

"Wanna grab some breakfast? You do have Dennys in Canada, right?"

Shawn laughed, and made his way down the steps. Chris shut the door behind him and eagerly followed Shawn to his rental. After a bit of driving, they ended up at their destinations, with coffee and Grand Slams in front of them.

Chris immediately sent a barrage of questions at Shawn about what had went on since he'd left. It was approaching a year now, though it seemed hard to believe.

"I bet the company's just went to hell without me there." Chris joked, flipping his long, golden hair away from his face. Shawn smiled, and sipped his coffee. He was glad to see Chris so genuinely happy, he had been beginning to get concerned. The last few times Shawn had talked to him over the phone, he'd seemed on the verge of a mental break-down. Shawn watched Chris' expressions carefully, and wondered if the young man was having problems with his marriage.

Maybe those were the issues Chris left to fix. Shawn thought to himself. But it's not my business really. His thoughts roamed back to the last night he'd been with Chris before he left. Chris had hinted that he might be gay, something that Shawn was pretty sure of. Shawn thought back to his own struggle, when he had 'come out' so to speak. Although everyone else had seemed to know he was gay long before he did, so maybe it wasn't so much as coming out of the closet, rather than him just realizing he wasn't even in a closet to begin with. He'd started to experiment with Marty, and that's when he'd really begun to come to terms with himself. Then, well then there had been Bret. Shawn frowned.

"…and maybe in the future I'll be back…Shawn?"

"Sorry." Shawn hid his frown with his coffee mug, pushed Bret to the back of his mind, and took a long drink before setting the white mug back down. "So, how are things going for my favorite Canadian?"

"Shawn, I'm not Bret." Chris meant it as a joke, but it stunned Shawn just a little that he'd just been thinking of Bret, and then Chris attempted a joke about his former lover.

"He's my least favorite." Shawn muttered.

"I'm sorry." Chris said lowly, dropping his eyes. "I didn't mean to--"

"No, I know. It's ancient history!" Shawn waved his hand at Chris, and blew off the failed attempt at humor. "Go on, tell me about your exploration into…what are you now, a house wife?"

Now it was Chris who frowned. That's not funny either. Shawn wondered what he had said wrong now, but he didn't say anything. He just waited for Chris to reply, and shoved his scrambled eggs around on his plate with the tines of his fork.

"Grace wants to go to a shrink." Chris blurted out all at once. "I…she…she found out about this major thing and now—she just thinks I'm really fucked up. I am really fucked up." He added, stabbing his fork into his stack of pancakes and leaving it there.

"Chris, there is nothing screwed up about you."

"Oh, you don't even know the half of it!"

"I know you very well. I know you're a great guy with a good heart. What more can a woman want?"

A man, for starters. Chris thought. The scowl on his face deepened.

"Don't scowl, you're too pretty for that." Shawn grinned.

Chris blinked back at him, the blush from earlier once again making his skin warm.

"You think I'm…pretty?" Chris asked, his voice barely a whisper. The simple statement touched him deeply, Shawn could never understand how much that meant to him.

"I meant it as a compliment. Don't take it badly, I get told that all the time." Shawn flipped his hair, and winked playfully. He was glad when it drew a smile from Chris, but it slowly faded. Chris dropped his eyes to his plate, only he wasn't focused on the food that was there. In fact, he wasn't even hungry anymore.

"Talk to me." Shawn said quietly.

Chris chewed on his lip, and from the way he was fidgeting, Shawn could tell his hands were in his lap and he was picking at his nails.

"Is this about you and Grace?"

Chris nodded his head a little.

"Kind of…but it really goes beyond that." Far beyond that.

"Chris, sometimes people fall in love, sometimes they fall out of love. Nothing in life is concrete, as we go through this journey, we learn new things about ourselves. Some are hard for others to accept. But you can't live your life in a lie. If you're gay--"

"Shawn, i-it's not about that."

"It's okay. It's not a big deal."

"Shawn, it is a big deal. What this is all about, it's a really big deal. Since I was little…"

"Men and women come out every day, and you know you have my support."

"I'm not gay!" Chris exclaimed, just a little too loudly. Some people from a neighboring table cast the two blonds curious glances. "Well, not really."

How do I tell him? He'll just be disgusted with me, he'll just turn away from me like Grace. Chris' looked into Shawns' beautiful blue eyes, full of kindness, and love. I can't throw that away, I can't tell him.

The thought of Shawn turning his back on him was just crushing, and made it almost hard for him to breathe. There was no way he could take that on top of Graces' rejection. Her harsh, hateful, words played over again and again through his mind until his eyes prickled with swimming tears.

"Chris, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Shawn reached for Chris' hands which were resting on the table, but his elbow knocked over a glass of ice-water and sent it into Chris' lap. Shawn apologized again, and tossed Chris some napkins. Chris dabbed at the wetness spreading over his jeans, not really caring. He'd been looking forward to a good time with Shawn, maybe even a chance to confide in him, but now he thought that clamming up and keeping this pain to himself would be a better option. Shawn only thought he was gay, and that was probably better than letting him know the truth.

"So, how about coming by the arena tonight?" Shawn asked, as he grabbed more napkins and gave them to Chris. "Some of us could go out afterwards. Catch up, y'know."

"Sounds good." Chris answered, trying to lace his words with false enthusiasm.

And I'll just keep lying to everyone. I'll lie, and lie, and lie and maybe some day I'll forget what the truth really is.

Next chapter: More Shawn and Chris interaction…and Mark is going to be in there too. No promises on how soon it'll be though. Stick with me please and thank you! *loves*