Disclaimer: Not mine, obviously this would never ever happen in the show.
A/N: Ok, so I try really hard to like Meredith. And I had to change her a little, and make her stronger than she is in canon to do it. Maybe someday she will be like this...doubtful, but I try to maintain hope. Enjoy! Xyli
She hates that she can't remember the last time they touched. She hates that she can't remember the last time he came home at a decent hour to spend time with them. She hates that he isn't there for her anymore. She hates that he would rather spend time with his old flame than pick his daughter up from daycare. She hates that every time there is a problem in her life now it is because of him. More than ten years ago she didn't need anyone. She was on her own, and needed no one to tell her what to do, where to do it, and when to have it done by. Ten years ago she had a major blowout with her hoax of a mother and ended up in Europe. She hopes desperately that things don't end up like that with Jen. Ten years ago she was walking through the streets of Italy without a care in the world. She decided to put everything behind her. Bad mother, missing father, horrible ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, everyone. She was going to start over. Tonight as she cleans up dinner and watches Jen play in the living room she wonders if starting over again is an option. As she scrapes the leftovers into a bowl from his untouched plate she knows he won't even bother to eat when he comes home. If he comes home. He said he would be there for dinner and yet again and he was mysteriously absent. Ten years ago she thought that making dinner plans was ridiculous. She ate when she pleased with who she pleased. At the time it was a scruffy looking gentleman by the name of Marco. He was unlike any other boy she had met. Mostly because she had pink hair, black nails, a surly attitude and boys had a tendency to steer clear. But not him, he wasn't afraid of the tough exterior she put up. But she had made a point of not letting anyone in again. She had had enough people waltz in and out of her life to know that inviting him in was only going to bring on the pain. And then he happened. He threw her world for a loop when he strolled over with his gorgeous locks and piercing blue eyes and proclaimed that he was just a boy in a bar.
Ten years ago she would have laughed in his face and promptly turned around. But there was something about being back in the rainy hell that she called home that changed her. The memories of a semi-better time made her weak. Made her long for something, anything, anyone to stick around. Someone to watch her life and to be proud of what she was doing. So she let him in, as foolish of an idea as it seemed. It promptly backfired as she knew it would, and then she let him in again. Ten years ago she would have known that people revolve in slowly spinning patterns, and she should have seen the whole thing coming. It wasn't like no one warned her. She warned herself. But instead her she sits tonight alone curled up in a ball on the couch with her daughter snuggling as the screen flickers scenes from the life of a fish. And as they dance, sing, and swim she watches her daughter crack into fits of giggles and snuggle closer to her. Ten years ago she never pictured herself with a child of any kind, and now she can't imagine her life without her. She can, however, picture their life without him. So tonight as she holds her daughter close and listens as her breathing patter begins to slow and she doses off she take comfort in knowing. Comfort in knowing that there are divorce papers sitting on the table for him.
Ten years ago she never saw herself married, let alone divorced. But right now, as she carries her daughter up the stairs, she knows there is no other choice. She isn't going to wussy out like his ex that she has grown to hate yet again. She won't give him the option of sticking around this time. As the tears slide slowly down her cheek as he climbs into bed she knows there is no hope. As he flops around next to her she pretends to sleep. Because sleeping now has become so much easier than having actual conversation with him. If she could go back to ten years ago she probably wouldn't have left Venice. It wasn't such a bad place, maybe she will return there. As he settles for his stomach she tries to dream of a new life, like it was ten years ago.